Weight of Love: A love story by Jammi and Jessicka
by FleetingRainbows
Summary: This story picks up immediately after Luke and Noah's first kiss.  this was my first attempt at fanfiction and Jess was a great partner in crime for it.  First part in a three part series
1. Chapter 1

He considered himself a very easygoing guy. He was nice, considerate and kind and he loved his friends more than anything. Usually, it took a lot to get him upset, but it was becoming increasingly hard for him to keep his spirits up. Especially when he was sitting just ten feet away from the boy of his dreams…who was making out with his girlfriend in the corner.

He didn't know why he tortured himself so. Why he allowed himself to remain attracted to someone who obviously didn't want him. *But that kiss,* he mused, remembering the moment his lips met with Noah's very clearly. It hadn't been his imagination, he was sure of that. That was not the reaction of someone who liked girls.

Yet there he was in the corner with his girlfriend, one of Luke's best friends. He hated that Noah was deceiving himself and Maddie, but there was nothing he could do about that. All he could do was sit there and watch, even though the sight of Noah and Maddie kissing subsequently broke his heart. He made himself miserable thinking about how it felt to have Noah's lips pressed against his own. He could still remember the feel of their tongues as they slid together for the briefest of moments. His heartbeat had been so rapid that day, he was sure even Noah must have heard it. To Luke it felt like it would beat right out of his chest. He could still feel Noah's hand at the base of his neck, trying to make sure he didn't break away, and the growing desperation and need growing in Noah's pants right before the phone rang and the spell was broken.

Misery was about the only explanation Luke could think of to describe his mood. He was sad and depressed and a cloud of loneliness was hovering over his head. What really hurt was that Noah knew what he was doing. He was using Maddie; kissing her to prove a point. Luke was fairly certain though that he was doing this to please his father…he just wished that he could prove it.

A knock at the door broke him out of his trance. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Maddie remove herself from Noah's lap just as Katie entered the office followed by a sandy haired young man.

"Oh good, you're all here," Katie said pulling the boy further into the room. "I wanted to introduce you guys to Randy Thompson. He's WOAK"s newest intern and he will be joining your team. "Randy I would like you to meet Noah; he's studying to be a director. "That's his girlfriend Maddie, she's our production assistant. And this," Katie said turning her attention to Luke. "Is Luke Snyder the writer I was telling you about. You will be working closely with him."

"It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance Luke," Randy said, and Luke could have sworn the boy was trying to capture him with that intense gaze. He couldn't help but notice that Randy's eyes were as blue as the morning sky.

"Uh, yeah nice meeting you too, Randy." He stammered before turning to focus on something other than that gaze.

"Welcome to the team, Randy," Noah's voice met his ears and he sighed. Was it possible that even t he sound of the boy stirred his emotions. He just couldn't win.

Randy and Noah became engrossed in a conversation and though he tried, Luke could not close his ears to the subtle tones of Noah. He was a goner for sure

He snapped out of his reverie when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned to see that Maddie was standing beside him. *When had she moved?* he wondered. He shook off the question and smiled, focusing his full attention on his best friend.

"Is everything alright?" Maddie asked a look of concern on her face. "You seem a little preoccupied."

Luke shrugged it off. "I'm just thinking about the next chapter of Invisible Girl," he said as he ran a hand through his blond hair. "I'm worried how things will turn out. I mean what if our new intern doesn't like the idea?"

It was a lame excuse but he hoped it was enough to keep Maddie from probing deeper. "You have nothing to worry about, Luke," Maddie encouraged. "I don't think anyone could hate your writing. You could probably script the alphabet and it would be great."

He managed a smile but he was barely focused on the conversation anymore. He could feel a pair of eyes boring into the back of his head and his heart began to skip a beat. Was it possible that he was staring at him this very moment? And why did that thrill him and make him angry all at the same time?

Maddie was talking to him, completely oblivious to what her boyfriend was doing. This angered Luke; he couldn't believe that Noah was being so obvious. Why was he doing this to him? Luke narrowed his eyes and turned around ready to lash out, only to find himself staring into blue eyes instead of brown.

Confusion swept over him like a wave, but he smiled so that no one else would see what he was feeling. He was disappointed that it hadn't been Noah who was staring. Yet at the same time it intrigued him that Randy was interested.

"Luke will you give Randy a tour," Katie's voice broke the spell. Luke had all but forgotten that she had been in the room too.

"Uh, yeah, sure," he said motioning for Randy to follow him. As they left the room he could hear Katie issuing orders to Maddie and Noah. Luke had a feeling that things were just about to get interesting.

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((()))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

"So Katie tells me you are a brilliant writer," Randy said breaking the silence that had fallen between them."

Luke shrugged and ducked his head. He was very modest when it came to his writing. "It's not that good, really. I can only do it when I'm inspired."

"I'd still like to see some of it if you don't mind. I mean if we are going to work closely together I would like to know what I'm up against." Randy flashed a smile that made Luke's heart skip a beat.

It had become increasingly obvious that Randy was flirting with him. Instinct told him to flirt back, but his heart just wasn't in it. All he could think about was Noah's smile and Noah's lips as they danced with his. Everywhere he turned he saw Noah, and it wasn't fair.

"Are you okay," Randy's voice interrupted his thoughts. "You look distracted."

"Yes," Luke said smiling at him. "I'm fine, just a little preoccupied you know? You mentioned my writing, and I was just talking to Maddie about the script for Invisible Girl. That's the project we've been working on. I need ideas for the new chapter."

"Can you explain the concept to me?" Randy seemed really interested, his eyes were boring into Luke again and he had to fight not to look away.

"It's about this girl who is in love with this guy…" Luke explained as they finished up their tour. By the time they returned back to the office, Randy had been brought up to speed on their webisodes.

"I would like to see them if you don't mind."

"See what," Noah asked looking up from the script he was looking over. Luke met his gaze and for a moment he was lost in a sea of brown so deep he thought he would drown if he wasn't careful.

"Luke was telling about Invisible Girl," Randy explained. "He speaks very highly of your directing skills."

"Noah is a great director," Maddie chimed in. "He and Luke work very well together.

"If you only knew, Maddie," Luke said under his breath. He was sure Randy had heard him when the other man raised his eyebrow.

Noah, who was being unconventionally silent, had been eyeing Randy ever since he walked into the room. Luke couldn't read the expression on his friend's face and he was very curious what he was thinking about.

"Yes Luke and I make a great team," he commented, his gaze never leaving Randy's. We're really close."

Luke couldn't hide the smile that crossed his lips at that. He swallowed back the retort that was on the tip of his tongue and wondered if anyone besides him heard the insinuations in that statement. He would have to talk to Noah later to get the scoop on how he felt about Randy.

In truth this whole scene was making Luke feel awkward. It seemed to him that Noah and Randy were waging war, and at least one of them had no idea what was going on. Maddie was oblivious and he was confused. Noah was sending mixed signals and it really wasn't fair. He felt like hitting his head against a wall it was so frustrating.

"Luke, are you okay?" Noah's voice made him jump. He was even more startled to realize that the room was empty of everyone but himself and the object of his affection. When had everyone left the room? How did he miss that?

"I'm fine," he said running a frustrated hand through his hair. "Just a little preoccupied, I guess. Did I miss something important? Where did Maddie and Randy go?"

"Katie wanted Maddie to explain what her job is," Noah said with a shrug. "Are you sure you are okay? You looked pretty spaced out for a minute there.

"Why are you acting like you care," he snapped. It took him completely off guard that he was actually angry with Noah, and he didn't know why. In reality he hadn't done anything to him, at least not today…not directly.

"I can't be worried about you now?" Noah asked incredulously. "I thought we were friends Luke?"

He looked at him for a moment, trying to figure out how exactly he should take that. "Were we friends when you kissed me, Noah? When you told me you wanted to kiss me and you enjoyed it?" he asked, his words conveying his anger and frustration at the situation. "How about that night at my grandmother's farm. What would have happened if Maddie hadn't of walked in there Noah? Please, tell me when were we ever really friends?"

Noah's silence did nothing to improve Luke's mood. With an exasperated sigh he threw his arms up in the air and turned to leave the room.

"What do you think you're doing?" He heard the question, and it stopped him in his tracks. He turned to see Noah standing now with his arms crossed in front of him.. The look in his eyes was so intense it could have burned a hole in the sturdiest surface. Luke didn't waver though; he met those brown eyes head on, trying his best not to get lost in their depths.

"I'm going to get the latest script for Invisible Girl," he said calmly. "Remember, you made some suggestions and I figure now is the best time to work on them." Anything was better than arguing about things he couldn't control.

"That's not what I meant," Noah snapped. He sighed with frustration, and Luke was secretly glad to see that somehow he had gotten under his skin.

"What are you talking about, Noah?" he asked feigning innocence."

"You know that wasn't what I meant," Noah repeated even as he moved closer to Luke. He took a whole of Luke's arm and pulled him closer. Luke could feel his warm breath as their lips were just inches apart.

"I don't get why you care," Luke said firmly. He was not going to give in to the urge to close the distance there. He would not let Noah see how much he wanted to be held like that. He wasn't aching for the kiss that seemed inevitable.

"What's going on in here?"


	2. Chapter 2

"What's going on in here?"

Randy's voice broke the spell, and Noah jumped away so fast one would think he had been burnt. Both boys turned to see Maddie and Randy standing in the doorway. Luke's heart was beating fast, had they seen anything? Did they hear the heated words that proceeded the intimate moment?

"I don't agree with Luke on the direction he wants to take Invisible girl," Noah explained, giving Luke a chance to recover. "It's no big deal, Luke," he continued his gaze meeting Luke's head on. "You know how I feel about it, but I'm sure you will do what you want."

"Whatever," Luke said shrugging it off. He ran a hand through his hair and left the room before anymore questions could be asked.

"Well if Luke is the writer," he heard Randy say as he slammed the door hoping that neither he nor Maddie noticed how agitated he really was. He had caught the hidden meaning in Noah's words, and it only upset him more. Until he realized that he could use this to his advantage. Noah was most definitely jealous of Randy.

In the days that followed he found himself flirting with Randy whenever the occasion presented itself. He had to admit, he liked the attention he was getting. It was nice to feel wanted and needed by someone who wasn't ashamed to show it. Still, even though Randy was very attractive, sweet and nice, Luke knew who his heart belonged to. Sometimes he felt bad for leading Randy on like this…only sometimes. A little flirting never hurt anyone, and if there was one thing being a Snyder had taught him, it was to do anything to get what you wanted.

Luke knew he was slowly wearing away at Noah. He had become the grumpiest person, Luke ever encountered. He was constantly grumbling under his breath, making snide comments he thought no one could hear. Even Maddie had noticed the change in him, Luke mused. She often told him that Noah was so easily angered lately. She had no idea why he was so upset but Luke was sure he did. He knew he should be more worried about Noah's state of mind, but he couldn't help but be pleased that his actions affected Noah so much. Now the shoe was on the other foot. Honestly, after everything Noah put him through what harm could a little payback be?

"Damn it," he said as he started shifting through the items on the desk. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Noah look up from the tapes he was sorting.

"Anything I can help you with," He aside casually.

"Not unless you have a pen that writes," Luke sighed as he continued searching for the elusive pen.

He was momentarily startled when a pair of arms slipped around his waist. Instinctively he leaned bac into the embrace as a pair of hands touched his hips.

"Hey Good Looking...whatcha into?" Randy's voice filled the room. Luke tried his best to hide his snug grin as he turned his head to Randy. He was about to reply with something equally as flirtatious when Noah spoke up.

"Fuck this" he said slamming down the tapes he was working on. He turned to stare at the two boy, and Luke visibly shivered at the look in his eyes. It was pure venom. He locked eyes with Luke for a moment before trailing down to where those hands rested. Luke was fairly certain that Noah snarled at Randy. "This is ridiculous. I'm going to get some air."

"What's his problem," Randy asked as the door slammed behind Noah.

Luke just smiled as he wiggled himself out of Randy's arms. If Noah only knew that the only arms Luke wanted to be in were his.

"I don't know," he answered Randy's question as he continued his search for a writing utensil. "Something sure is bugging him lately."

"Maybe he and Maddie had a fight or something?" Randy suggested. Luke looked up and shrugged. "Whatever it is he will get over it. No need of you to trouble yourself. Now was there something you needed to talk to me about?"

"Well actually, yes there is. I wanted to talk to you about horses."

"Come again," Luke said raising his eyebrows.

"Yes, I want you to teach me how to ride. It would give us some time to get to know each other too." Luke opened his mouth to speak but he wasn't really sure what to say to that. Randy seemed so eager though, how could he refuse.

"Yeah, sure we can do that one day yes."

"I'll look forward to it."

"Look forward to what," Maddie entered the room with a box in her hand. Luke quickly relieved her of her burden and she smiled at him gratefully. "Where's Noah, and what did I just interrupt?"

"Noah is in one of his mood, today," Luke said with a shrug. "I'm sure he will be back shortly. What is this?" he asked indicating the box which now sat on the table.

"Katie wants you and Noah to sort through these tapes," Maddie explained. She wants them categorized and logged by the end of the day. Think you can handle that?" Luke nodded, even though he wasn't certain how Noah would feel about that right this second.

"So are you going to tell me what you two were talking about?" Maddie brought his attention back to the present. Maddie had directed her question at Randy, who was now sitting in the chair Noah had occupied earlier.

"Luke is going to give me horseback riding lessons one day," he heard Randy explain. I am looking forward to spending some time alone with him."

"That's great," Maddie said smiling. Luke could only imagine what scenarios her devious little mind was cooking up. "I'm glad to see that you are fitting in around here Randy. And I'm glad you and Luke are hitting it off. Maybe you two should go out on a date."

"Maddie don't," Luke started but his best friend was determined to play matchmaker today.

"In fact," she said much to Luke's chagrin, "we should go on a double date. You and Luke, and me and Noah. I'll talk it over with him, but I'm sure it would be okay. What do you think Randy?"

"It sounds like a perfect idea to me," Randy said with a smile. "It would give me a chance to know all of you outside of work

Maddie nodded. "And Luke can teach us all to ride. I know Noah always wanted to learn and Luke is a great horseman. He's been around horses his whole life."

"I can't wait to learn from him then," Randy commented. "I'm sure he's good at a lot of things."

"I'm still here you know," Luke piped up, a little irritated at the conversation. "Don't I get to decide who I go out with and how I spend my time?"

"Oh Luke," Maddie said coming to give her friend a hug. "It will be fun. You don't et out enough, Noah and I both think so. We just want you to be as happy as we are."

'It will be fun, Luke," Randy added his two cents. "You should talk to Noah," he told Maddie," Would tonight be good?"

Luke sighed. Once again they were talking about him, but leaving him out of the conversation. He somehow doubted that Noah would be happy with this turn of events. Though he thought it was interesting that according to Maddie he thought it was a good idea for Randy and Luke to get closer.

He didn't really want to do this. He didn't want to date Randy, but it was almost worth it to see Noah's face when Maddie told him the plan. He was reminded of those old cartoons where the fire shot out the character's ears after eating hot sauce. Noah's ears were definitely red, but Luke was sure he was the only one who noticed.

"So you're going on a date with Randy?" Noah said breaking the silence that had lingered between them. 20 full minutes had passed with neither boy saying anything as they sorted through the tapes.

Luke shrugged, flashing a smile in Noah's direction before he went back to work. "I guess," he responded evenly. "It's a double date with you and Mads…so it should be cool. You know get to know each other and such. Perhaps you could even learn to like Randy."

He knew the likelihood of that was slim, and he tried not to let it show that he was enjoying this game a little too much.

"Oh...And just how well do you want to know Randy?" Noah asked, his true feelings clear in his voice.

He thought about being honest here. He wanted to tell Noah that he was only trying to drive him crazy. But he couldn't do it. If he did then Noah would go back to knowing he wanted only him, and this whole thing would have been for nothing. He really had no choice here…he had to lie.

"Heh...Pretty Well if ya know what I mean" he responded sending a crude wink Noah's way.

He didn't expect Noah to move so fast. Nor was he figuring he would be pressed against the desk with Noah practically on top of him. He was in his face, those brown eyes boring holes right into his soul. He certainly didn't expect to be back where he started; waiting for that never-goinna-happen-again kiss."

"Luke," Noah breathed, "Why are you doing this?"

"What's Luke doing?" Maddie strolled in the room. Noah moved so fast that Luke wondered if he had burned him or something.

"I was asking Luke why he was so afraid of going out with Randy." Noah covered quickly. "He is trying to back out of the date, and I was asking him why.

Maddie looked at her friend and frowned. "Luke, you know this will be okay, right. I mean, Randy is a nice guy, and he seems to really like you. Give him a chance, and relax. Noah and I are going to be right there with you. There's nothing to worry about.

"Yeah, right," Luke said under his breath. Noah pulled Maddie into a hug just then and caught Luke's eye. This was going to be a very long night.

This was going to be a very long night. He could already tell, and they had barely settled into their seats yet. He was a complete gentleman pulling out Maddie's chair and making sure she was okay before he sat in his spot between her and Luke. She looked lovely tonight, then that wasn't anything new. Maddie always looked nice. She was a very attractive girl, he was lucky to have her on his arm…at least his father would thought so. The colonel was happy with his choice; it fit the image he had always strived to project.

Maddie was his girlfriend, and he cared about her a lot, but he had to at least admit to himself that something was wrong. No matter how much he tried to hide it, tried to convince himself that this was right it wasn't. It couldn't be when his eyes kept sneaking a glimpse of the gorgeous blond sitting to his right. It frightened him, just how attracted to Luke he really was. There was just something about him, or maybe it was a lot of things. There was this spark between them, something he felt the moment their eyes locked that first day.

And he ran from it. Quick, fast and in a hurry; it was the only thing he could do. And it wasn't completely wrong…was it? He did care about Maddie. They had a connection too. They understood each other in ways that no one else could begin to. There weren't many people who understood his love of old movies. Maddie did. She picked up on his weird references and she understood him…but then again she didn't really know him.

Luke did. That was the most baffling thing. No matter how often he argued the point, no matter what he said or how angry he got he could not deny that simple thing. Luke, his golden haired Adonis knew him better than he knew himself, and right now, at this very second he was close to losing it all…to HIM.

He didn't understand what Luke saw in him; he was nothing but a Matt Damon wannabe and at this very moment he had his hands all over Luke. Noah didn't like that, he didn't like it one bit.

"You look really nice tonight, Luke," he heard Randy say as his hand slipped under the table. Noah could only imagine where that hand was resting right now, and it made him green with envy. Randy was right about one thing, Luke did look good. He was wearing a blue shirt that showed off his body perfectly, and it matched his eyes. That shirt was the same one Luke wore the day they shared their first kiss. Noah couldn't help but wonder if that was why he wore it tonight.

Luke only smiled at Randy's compliment…that was typical of him. He was very modest, almost shy. Calm was the word that came to mind whenever he thought about Luke. There was just something about him, something Noah wanted more than anything…even though he couldn't have it.

Of course that didn't mean he wanted to watch someone else have it. He knew it was selfish of him but he couldn't help how he felt. Watching someone else touch Luke was like having his favorite meal set out before him, only to watch someone else eat it. Even the small touches, like Randy's arm slung around his shoulder made Noah antsy. He tried to focus on Maddie, who was leaning her head against his shoulder. His arm went around her and they shared a small kiss, but almost like a magnet he was drawn back to the scene across from him.

He was acutely aware of the advances the new intern was making towards Luke and it annoyed him to no end. Just who did he think he was, kissing Luke's palm like that. Such an intimate gesture, not really proper for a first date; Noah gritted his teeth so hard he was surprised no one seemed to notice. He was finding it very hard to restrain himself. A part of him wanted to leap across the table and punch Randy's lights out.

He frowned as he realized exactly what that meant. His reaction to Randy said a lot about how much he cared for Luke, and that wasn't something he wanted to think about right now. It was hard not to when he had thoughts such as these. He wasn't a violent guy, but the thought of anyone, let alone Randy, touching Luke had him seeing everything through a tint of red.

It didn't help matters that Luke seemed to be enjoying himself. He hated to admit to himself that he wanted Luke to have a horrible time. He wanted the date to turn out awful so that there wouldn't be a second date.

"Don't they look so cute together?" Maddie's voice interrupted his thoughts and he smiled at her. She was such a romantic, wanting Luke to be as happy as she was. He felt a pang of guilt. He knew he was hurting her by doing this, allowing her to believe that he cared for her. He did care for her, that wasn't really the falsehood here. She was a great girl, and an awesome friend. That was the crux, his heart as it was actually belonged to Luke…and he was too scared to admit it out loud.

"They do seem to be having a good time," he admitted in answer to Maddie's question. "It is good to see Luke loosening up a bit." That was true at least. For the past few days, Luke had been very uptight and subdued. Of course he was well aware that he had been the cause of that. Why couldn't things ever be simple?"

They ordered their food, and Maddie started a conversation with Randy. Luke was sitting there; seemingly taking in Randy's every word. Noah decided then and there that he wanted some of Luke's attention. It amazed him just how much he hated when Luke's attention was focused on someone other than him.

A plan formed in his mind as he listened to the conversation going on around him. Maddie and Randy were deep in discussion about a movie they had seen, and Randy made an offhand comment about taking Luke to see it on their next date. It could have been his imagination, but he could have sworn that Luke looked unhappy about the prospect of being alone with Randy. If he was that preoccupied then this just might work…whatever the case Noah knew he had to try.

With his right foot he pushed off his left show. Ever so slowly he inched h is foot across the distance to Luke's foot, allowing it to settle on top of his shoe. Luke jumped at the contact and Noah smiled at his triumph.

"Are you alright, Luke," Randy asked just then, interrupting their moment yet again.

'Uh yeah…yeah…just, um…random chill Luke stammered. Noah had to hide his smile. It was obvious to him what Luke was jumpy about.

"It is a little nippy in here," Maddie said as she snuggled closer to Noah. Randy agreed with that sentiment and wrapped his arm around Luke once more.

Noah kept his eyes on Maddie as he started making circles around Luke's foot. He scooted his toes under the bottom part of Luke's pants, softly rubbing at his ankle.

"Luke, what's wrong?" Maddie exclaimed. The concern in her voice made Noah turn his head, and he realized that was his biggest mistake. He only caught a glimpse of Luke's wide eyes before the other boy's head went down. Those piercing eyes that Noah adored were now glued to the tabletop. He didn't know what had come over him. For god's sake he was sitting right beside his girlfriend, and Luke's date was right across from her. If his father had any idea what he was doing he would be skinned alive.

Yet on the other hand this was well worth the reactions he was getting out of Luke. Just the mere fact that he wasn't saying anything-that he didn't alert anyone to what was happening, and he didn't attempt to stop it either. It was time to take things even further."

"Fine," Luke gasped, his eyes still focused on the table. Noah noticed Randy's hand on Luke's back but he somehow doubted that Luke was aware of him.

Slowly he continued running his foot along Luke's leg. He heard him gasp again and he stalled his foot at his kneecap.

"I'm fine, thanks," he heard Luke say. He looked up just in time to see him smiling politely at Randy. When he was certain that no one would question Luke's odd outburst he took things one step further. He knew he was being reckless, but he was getting a thrill out of seeing Luke squirm.

Randy and Maddie for the most part seemed to be wrapped up in their conversation. He had lost track of what they were discussing. The last thing he remembered Maddie mentioning was something about New Hampshire, or was it New York? Either way he was glad they weren't paying attention, because if they noticed something was off he would have to stop what he was doing. He didn't want to stop not when he was SO close to the goal he wanted to reach.

He loved the reactions he was getting from Luke's body. He wasn't even looking at him, and he wanted to keep it that way. There was no need to see what he could feel. His foot inched further and further u p Luke's leg, he could feel those muscles tighten, and then his body went stiff as if he was trying not to make a sound. Noah was very proud of himself at that point.

Deliberately he made his way to Luke's inner thigh and started a slow rhythm of massaging it with his toes. He chanced another glance at Luke only to see that he was gripping the edge of the table. Luke's knuckles were white from the effort and his eyes were still glued to the table. It was a wonder that Maddie and Randy didn't notice. Luke looked almost feverish, and his breathing was becoming heavy.

His foot inched over until he was met with Luke's hard cock under his toes. His eyes were still on the blond head, until finally he was gifted with that sexy dark blue gaze. They stared at each other for what seemed like hours, neither man moving an inch. It was as if they were in their own little world. Luke licked his lips and nodded his head yes. That was all the encouragement Noah needed.

His foot pressed down on Luke's crotch, moving it in a tight small circle. He knew the friction would be incredible. He knew t his was wrong, they were in public for crying out loud, with other people at that. His girlfriend was sitting right beside him, and surely he should not be doing this, but just this simple act was turning him on. He couldn't remember ever being this worked up. Just knowing he was giving Luke this pleasure, knowing he was fighting to be silent, knowing they had to act like none of this was happening was driving Noah insane.


	3. Chapter 3

"Hey Luke," Randy said entering the room. What was it with that kid? He certainly has perfect timing, Noah thought bitterly.

"Hi," Luke responded without looking up. He was trying to get the creases out of the paper Noah had so carelessly wrinkled.

"I had a good time last night. I hope we can do it again soon." Randy said with a wink. Noah couldn't stand the grin that crossed Luke's face at that moment. And that was saying something because he usually loved Luke's smile.

He was sure there was smoke coming out of his ears when he saw Randy go over to Luke, wrapping his arms around him. He pulled him close and nuzzled at his neck. Noah was seeing red. Randy whispered something in Luke's ear which made the other boy giggle, and Noah turned away, he couldn't watch anymore. One more minute of the new guy fawning over Luke and he surely would lose his appetite.

"What's wrong with you?"

For the second time that day Luke's voice made him jump. He looked around and wondered when Randy had left the room. It was once again just him and Luke."

"What did he mean by that," He asked hoping his voice didn't sound accusatory to Luke.

"By what," Luke asked, the expression on his face clearly puzzled.

"A good time?" Noah asked, unable to hide the bitterness in his tone.

"Oh," Luke said casually, that smile crossing his lips once more. "You know," he continued, sending a crude wink Noah's way even as a faint blush tinted his cheeks."

"You slept with him?" Noah said incredulously. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. He couldn't have done that, not after what they had shared just that night. "Seriously?"

"I don't think that is any of your business, Noah." He said picking the script up off the table and turning away from him. "Now if you don't mind I have to make a new copy of this. You ruined it."

"Hey, wait. I'm not done with you," he snapped at Luke's back. Either he didn't hear him, or he chose to ignore him, either way Noah was very irritated. And thinking about Randy's hands on any part of Luke only upset him more.

He tried unsuccessfully to continue his conversation with Luke, but to no avail. He would have sworn that Luke was purposely avoiding him. Finally at the end of the day he cornered him by the filing cabinet. Luke was putting something in the bottom drawer and when he stood up Noah was right in front of him.

"Excuse me," he said trying to walk past him.

"Wait," Noah said grabbing hold of his arm. "We need to talk."

"I don't think we have anything to talk about," he said wrenching his arm away from Noah.

"We have a lot to discuss, Luke," Noah said getting frustrated. He tried to grab ahold of Luke again but he scooted out of his reach.

"You have no real right to touch me," he said surprising Noah with his anger. "And what you pulled yesterday, that can't happen again."

"But you liked it?" Noah retorted, trying hard not to raise his voice.

"It doesn't matter if I liked it, Noah," Luke exclaimed. "You are in a relationship, with Maddie. Remember her, my best friend? You are supposed to be with her, and, we can't keep doing this."

"Doing what?" Noah asked his heartbeat quickening. It was fairly obvious that Luke was upset with him, and he had to find out why. How did someone manage to be angry and sexy at the same time?

"THIS" Luke said pointing at him and Noah and the air around. "I can't do it anymore, and I'm not talking to you about me and Randy. That is my business."

He shoved Noah out of his way and left the room, the door slamming with a resounding thud. Noah stood there for only a moment before grabbing his jacket and following him out. He was going to talk to Luke tonight, even if he had to go to his home to do it.

**  
He had no right doing this and he knew it. He was well aware that what he was doing would be considered stalking in most circles, but he didn't feel bad about it. He had to do this, had to follow Luke home and get to the bottom of what was going on. He wasn't trespassing…not really. He was Luke's friend, and he only wanted to talk to him. It wasn't his fault that the other boy was bullheaded and stubborn. It made sense for him to do this, he just couldn't leave things the way they were. Something inside just wouldn't let him drop it.

For long moments he just stood there in the shadows watching Luke walk around the kitchen. It was too easy for him to do this. To stand there, mere steps away from what he wanted. He was the reason Luke was out of reach. He was the one who created this wall between them, and only he could break it down. He knew that…he was just so afraid of a lot of things.

He closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. There was nothing to be afraid of. Not here. As he continued to watch Luke he knew that. There was nothing here to stop him, no one whispering in his ear about being a "real man" whatever that was supposed to mean. With Luke he could be himself, and that was what he was going to do…what he needed to do. It was time.

Taking a deep breath he forced his feet to move and he knocked on the screen door. His heartbeat quickened as he waited to see if Luke would come to the door. After a minute he started to think the other boy was ignoring him so he knocked again, this time louder. He watched Luke set down the pan he had apparently been holding and cursed himself for being impatient. He closed his eyes for a moment trying to calm his nerves. There was nothing to be nervous about here, he was in control. When he allowed his eyes to open Luke was standing behind the closed door, with his arms crossed. He did not look happy to see him.

"What are you doing here?" he asked incredulously.

"Open the door, Luke," he said the anger he had felt earlier rushing to the surface. Luke was too calm, how was that possible after what they had been discussing earlier? "I told you I wasn't done talking to you."

He was ready to argue with him, ready to force his way into the house if he had to. He was determined that he would finish his conversation and set the record straight that very night. He was prepared to wait out Luke's stubbornness when the screen door opened and Luke stepped back to let him in.

He fought back his surprise and walked into the house. He waited until Luke had closed and secured the door before turning on him.

"Did you really do it, Luke?" he asked, catching the other boy off guard momentarily. "Did you really have sex with Randy? How could you," he said not giving Luke a chance to answer his question. "He's not even your type."

The look on Luke's face did not help his temper at all. It was a cross between amused and offended, and Noah wasn't sure what to think about it. Whatever the case it was slowly turning him on. Angry Luke was just as sexy as happy sunshine grin Luke. It was infuriating.

"First of all, Noah," Luke started and he knew that a fight was coming. Luke was still upset with him, and somehow he had only managed to make it worse. "You have no right to assume that you know my type. And second of all, I don't go around asking about who you sleep with so what gives you the right to quiz me? What I do or don't do with Randy is my business, and if you don't mind I'd like to keep it that way."

His entire body was shaking with anger at Luke's words. He closed his eyes in an attempt to reign in his feelings. It didn't work, behind those lids all he could see was Luke…HIS Luke being touched by that other man and it was enough to make him sick to his stomach. He could feel h is lungs closing off as he tried to catch a breath. Why was Luke ding this to him? Surely he knew what he was doing…that he was slowly killing him.

"If you are determined to stand there, you could at least open your eyes and look at me." Luke's voice broke the spell and Noah opened his just in time to see him walk over to the refrigerator. "Would you like something to drink?"

Noah couldn't help but stare at him as he rifled through the fridge. Perfection; that was the word that came to mind when he thought of Luke's body…and things he wanted to do to his body. He couldn't understand how what happened between them meant so much to him but didn't seem to faze Luke at all.

He couldn't help but wonder if Randy had the same effect on Luke that he had had at dinner. Did Randy make his breath quicken, his eyes roll back into his head? Did Luke cry out in ecstasy the same way he had at the restaurant? Just the mere thought of him reacting like that for anyone else infuriated Noah. That was HIS moan, Luke made it because of him and he had no right make it for anyone else. No one was allowed to get those type of reactions from him. Only he was allowed to make him come like that. It became clear to Noah just then that he needed to make sure Luke was aware of that fact.

"I know what you're doing, Luke," he said not taking his eyes off the other boy.

"I'm trying to offer you a drink," came the response swift and quick. Luke continued to search for something in the fridge as if he couldn't locate something that Noah would want.

"NO," Noah countered, his voice suddenly husky. "You're only doing this to make me crazy…Aren't you?"

For the longest time there was silence as Luke paused in his movements. Ever so slowly he stood up, and Noah's breath caught as those eyes, deep sapphire blue, turned to face him. The look on that face was defiant, though there was a gleam in those eyes that was unmistakable. There was no telling what Luke would do, though Noah was expecting him to tell him to fuck off.

"Is it working?" Luke asked, his eyes boring holes into Noah's soul.

That simple statement was enough to make Noah react. Before he even knew what hit him he was pressing Luke up against the counter, their mouths locked in a heated embrace that would have knocked both of them off their feet if not for the counter.` Time seemed to stand still as they kissed, both of them getting lost in the moment. Noah felt Luke's hands reach to clasp his shirt, pulling them closer together…as if that was even possible.

When they pulled apart Luke gasped and Noah leaned close to his ear, to make sure what he was going to say was heard loud and clear.

"Let's get one thing straight, Luke Snyder," he said, his words sounding steely even to his own ears, "You are mine. Is that clear?"

Luke's only answer was a hitching of breath as Noah bit into his earlobe. Those hands that were holding Noah's shirt went up and around to clench at his back.

Noah was relentless in his ministrations, allowing his lips to travel from Luke's earlobe to the sensitive spot behind his ear. He sucked on it lightly and Luke's right leg traveled up and latched itself to Noah's waist. When those hips arched and pressed into his own, Noah knew he was in control. He had Luke right where he wanted him. He could feel that heat; that incredible feeling of their jean-covered bulges pressed against each other. It was too late to back out now; he wanted this to be something Luke remembered for the rest of his life. When it was over there would be no doubt in Luke's mind who was allowed to touch him.

There was more kissing and biting as he traveled down Luke's jaw line. He stopped at his neck and began to lick and suck on the skin. He was going to leave a mark, and he didn't care. He wanted everyone to know that Luke was taken. Noah wanted him to wear the hickey like a name tag; DON'T TOUCH: Property of Noah Mayer.

Luke's hands slipping beneath his shirt sent a shiver up his spine. He could feel those nails biting into his back as he shifted, his hardness rubbing against Luke's. The moan that escaped Luke's mouth was enough reason to continue what he was doing. Their foreheads touched as Noah continued to grind, his mouth open wide, his breathing labored. The fact that Luke's breathing was just as rapid urged him on. He loved being this close to him, he felt like they were sharing the same breath.

When he felt Luke's fingers in his hair he wanted to moan. The other boy pulled him closer, tugging on the strands, sending another shiver through him.

"Fucking kiss me Noah" Luke demanded breathlessly. Noah captured Luke's bottom lip between his teeth and tugged slightly making the younger boy moan and whine at the same time. He couldn't take it anymore, he wanted a kiss just as badly as Luke did, and finally he gave in to what they both wanted. His tongue darted inside that delectable mouth, briefly brushing Luke's before fleeing back into his mouth. Luke's tongue followed only to be captured by Noah's teeth.

For a moment he kept it there, making circles around the tip, listening to the appreciative sighs emitting from the younger boy's throat. It wasn't long before the tongue tug of war became a full blown kiss and Luke' was practically crushed against the counter.

"Ungh" Luke gasped when the kiss was broken. Noah just smiled, he loved being in control like this, loved that Luke was putty in his hands. Effortlessly he grabbed Luke's bottom and lifted Luke off the grown, leaving him with only two choices for his dangling feet. Fall or latch onto Noah. It wasn't long before those legs were wrapped around Noah's middle and the two of them were caught up in another deep kiss accompanied by Noah thrusting upward.

All he wanted, all he could think about was being naked with Luke. His world was spinning out of control and this was the only thing that made sense this was how things were supposed to be, him and Luke here in this moment, with him poised to claim. He was supposed to be inside Luke, and he wanted that so bad that his bulge was about ready to burst through his jeans..  
He yanked at Luke's shirt with his fists, ripping the fabric as he fought to remove it from the body he craved. His pulled away from the kiss long enough to get the shirt over Luke's head. With help from Luke he removed his own shirt before taking possession once more of Luke's mouth.

He didn't know which was better, the feel of Luke's bare chest or the intoxicating kiss that was about to drive him up the wall. When Luke's hand tugged on his waistband pulling them even closer, he figured it was a combination of all three. The sensations running through him were almost his undoing. He had thought having his foot pressed against Luke was amazing. It was nothing however compared to having that straining bulge pressed against his own taut erection.

It was a feeling like no other…it was perfection.

He was going to snap. It was only matter of time, and he knew it as he felt his belt give in to Luke's tugging. Yet there was something he needed to do, before this went too far.  
"Luke," he said his breath catching as one solitary finger touched his bare skin. "Luke, look at me."

The eyes that looked up at him were a delicate mixture of certainty and lust.

"Do you want to stop?" he asked trying to keep a handle on that last thread of control. He had to, at least for the moment. "If you want me to stop, you better tell me Luke," he said his voice becoming huskier with every word. "I'm warning you now; I won't be able to stop myself later."

For a long moment the only sound was that of their breathing. Luke was trying to catch his breath before he could answer the question he had put forth. He hoped there would be an answer soon. He didn't know how much longer he could hold back.

"Keep going, Noah," he gasped. "You said I belong to you…make me yours."  
"Is that what you want Luciano? To be made mine?"

He didn't allow Luke a chance to answer that question. He saw the look of desire in those eyes and another strand of control broke. He attached Luke's mouth with a hunger unmatched by anything. Kissing Luke was becoming like breathing for him. He never wanted to stop.  
They needed to move. The rational part of his brain screamed at him, telling him that their first time shouldn't be with Luke pressed up against the kitchen counter.

Logic was not going to win out on this night however. Not when another part of his body, the part Luke's hand was slowly inching towards was in charge. There was no way he was moving, not when Luke's hand was slipping inside his jeans. Had he unbuttoned them, or had Luke? Noah's brain was becoming more addled as Luke inched his hand closer and closer until he felt warm fingers around his erect penis He had to bite his lip to keep from coming on the spot.

He raked his fingers down Luke's bare back, his hands slipping into Luke's jeans to grab his ass through his boxers. Slowly he allowed the younger man's feet to touch the floor and locked eyes with that intense gaze. His eyes were focused on the prize as he unbuttoned and unzipped those jeans. Clothes were cumbersome things and they were in the way. Soon Luke's jeans were a puddle at his feet, and Noah kneeled down to help him out of them. Eye contact was never broken Noah slipped the boxers down slowly, until his hardness came into view. Luke kicked the boxers out of the way, proving he was just as much in a hurry as Noah.

He realized as he stared at the wonder that was Luke; that he was at a loss. Part of him wanted to stand up and plunge himself deep inside of Luke, possessing him once and for all. But at the same time, he was this close, just inches away from a feast he had to try. And Luke was looking at him, those eyes still full of so much desire and lust. Slowly he lowered his eyes, breaking the hold Luke had over him just for a moment. His gaze traveled down that lean body until he was focused on Luke's, hard, twitching member.

He had never done this before, so he was a little nervous. It was a moment before instinct took over and he inched his face closer to lick at the tip. Luke's gasp was very encouraging and Noah repeated the action several times. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Luke grab the counter behind him and surmised he was doing something right.

His tongue was in control, tracing the head a few more times before he took Luke completely into his mouth. He heard the other boy moan his approval, and felt fingers pulling at his hair. Noah was entranced by his taste. Slowly he moved his tongue from base to tip and begin a light suction. He bobbed his head a few times, liking the way it felt.

"Christ, Noah," Luke said above him. "Fucking good. But...unless you want me to come like this you...better...stop."

With great reluctance he pulled away, standing to lock lips with Luke once more, all the while pushing his own boxers down. "You're never going to forget that you're mine, Luke…never." He declared pressing their bodies together. "I don't ever want to see another man touch you again." Once again he lifted Luke up, this time sitting him on the counter. There was nervousness in Luke's gaze, but he didn't make a move to stop him.

Noah raised a hand to Luke's mouth and traced his lips with his index finger. He thought he would crumble when Luke's mouth opened and closed around his finger, sucking lightly. He couldn't remember ever experiencing something so erotic. It was a feeling he felt from his finger, to his pulsing organ and down to his curling toes.

He tried steadying his breath as Luke continued his suction, those eyes boring into him, seeing right into his soul. Luke was surely going to be the death of him, he knew that, he accepted it, and he wanted that to be the case. It was a clear thought…right here in this moment was all he wanted…all he really needed.

"I'm giving you one last chance to back out," he said when Luke let his fingers go. He was looking straight into Luke's eyes, though his hands had disappeared from sight. "I'll stop..."  
Luke touched his lips with a finger, silencing him. "If I was going to back out- I would have done so before now," he said his voice sounding incredibly sexy to Noah. "Now stop talking."

That was all the response he needed. Ever so slowly he inched his slippery finger into Luke's entrance causing him to cry out and latch onto Noah's sounders. He took his free hand and placed it on the other man's back rubbing small soothing circles. His finger slid completely inside, and it felt marvelous. Of all the crazy things Noah thought he would be jealous of, his finger hadn't been one of them. But he was. Luke was so tight and he wanted to feel that hotness surrounding him.

Luke gasped and Noah looked up to see if he was okay. The look on Luke's face confused him. Hadn't he done this before? With Randy? Unless the tables had been turned, Luke had been the aggressor? Suddenly the thought of Luke inside him made him shudder. One day, that would be the case, but today he was doing the claiming.

He bent his neck to kiss Luke as he pushed a second finger inside him. God he was tight. Noah didn't want to hurt him, though at this point it seemed inevitable that he would. He tried his best to get Luke as ready as possible with his fingers. He pushed the fingers in and out of Luke, the same way his lower half wished it was doing…what it would be doing soon.

Luke was making appreciative noises and it was becoming increasingly harder for Noah to keep himself in check. Every moan, every gasp only served to push him closer to the edge. He started scissoring his fingers and suddenly his fingertip touched something in Luke that made the smaller man throw his head back and whimper.

"Now Noah...I want you"

He didn't need to be asked twice. He removed his fingers, making Luke groan, and started looking about the kitchen for something to use as lubricant. He heard Luke spit into his hand and then felt that hand on his cock. Again he had to bite his lip not to come on the spot. Luke's hand moved up and down him fast. Their foreheads touched as they both stared at down at Luke's hand on him. It was so intensely erotic watching Luke's hand move on him.

Satisfied he was slick enough, and not wanting things to be over before anything really happened- Noah grabbed Luke's hand and removed it from his cock. He looked up at Luke's face and saw the man swallow hard. If Noah didn't know any better, he would have thought Luke was trying to calm his nerves. Those beautiful blue eyes seemed to be saying a thousand things at once.

He couldn't resist the urge to kiss him again. His lips pressed down onto Luke's and he didn't wait for him to open his mouth. This time he just forced his tongue in. Their tongues massaged against each other and Noah's hands found their way to Luke's hips.

He scooted Luke to where he was almost off the counter and broke the kiss. Luke nodded his head and swung his legs around Noah's waist. Noah could hardly breathe as he positioned himself at Luke's entrance. He bit at his lower lip as he slowly pushed the head of his cock inside of Luke.

It was only part of himself in Luke, and Noah already felt more pleasure then he had ever felt in his whole life. Luke gasped and muttered a barely audible grunt as his fingers found their way to Noah's shoulders. Slowly he pushed more of himself inside Luke stopping only when he was in to the hilt.

He didn't move at first, he couldn't. He needed to give his body time to adjust to the feelings, the sensations shooting through him. The last thing he wanted to do was embarrass himself by coming too soon. Besides that he wanted to give Luke time to adjust as well.

"Look at me, Noah," he heard Luke say even as a hand moved to lift up his chin. He met his eyes for just a moment before dipping his head for another kiss.

He moved slowly at first, pulling in and out of Luke as if he needed to familiarize himself-tried to memorize every single sensation he was experiencing. He withdrew almost completely before going back in to the hilt. Luke babbled inherently, and it sounded like music to Noah's ears.

It was symphony of moans and sighs. "Noah…please…don't stop…gasp…Noah…don't stop…" Noah didn't think he'd ever tire of the sounds. It gave him such a sense of awe to know that he was giving Luke so much pleasure.

He wanted to stay like this forever, just buried inside the one he knew he was meant to be with. He knew that wasn't possible though. It was ending fast, Luke was so impossibly tight and he was moving and he arched his hips trying to take in as much as he could of Noah. Every moan every pant pushed him closer to the edger. He was about ready to burst.

He reached down to grab a hold of Luke and started moving his hand in time with his thrusts. Both started slowly but he soon picked up speed going faster and faster. Each time he pulled slightly out just to slam back in a second later. He was about ready to burst, but he couldn't…not until he had sent Luke…his lover over the edge first.

He tilted his head down and licked at Luke's bottom lip before swiping his thumb over the head of Luke's cock. Luke cried out "O My God Noah I am gonna..."

He exploded quick, and fast, coating Noah's hand with a sticky white substance. The orgasm had barely finished before his body began tightening up all over again, therefore encasing Noah in the warmth. Noah pushed himself into Luke one more time and came inside his lover as he groaned and took Luke's mouth once more, holding him as their bodies shook with aftershocks.

*  
If Noah had to name the single most incredible experience in his life, it would be this moment. Here he was, lying beside the one person who meant the most to him, his lover…Luke. The younger man was wrapped in his embrace, and they were lying together on the kitchen floor of the Snyder farm. Luke's eyes were closed, and Noah took this moment to marvel in how beautiful he was. It amazed him really just how drawn to this man he really was. There was nothing he didn't like about Luke. Hell he even loved when Luke yelled at him!

Just thinking about that made him smile. He knew on one level he shouldn't be happy about this. He was doing something wrong, and his father would kill him if he had any idea. But this was what he had wanted. This, Luke was all he ever wanted, and that was important. He closed his eyes for a brief moment and sighed. He didn't want to think about anything but the here and now. He was still deep inside that exquisite body and he wanted to wake Luke with a kiss.

He stroked the soft blond hair that covered Luke's face. He kisses those full lips and smiled when the perfect eyelashes drifted open.

"Hi," Luke said his voice still husky from a mixture of lovemaking and sleep. "I didn't mean to fall asleep." He apologized.

"I like watching you sleep," Noah replied kissing Luke once again. This kiss was deeper, and full of a passion that surpassed any embrace they had experienced to date. "Did you fall asleep after you and Randy were together?" he asked, his hand lazily tracing circles on Luke's chest.

When he felt Luke's body tense he wondered if it had been smart to bring up Randy. In his mind he began to panic, trying to figure out how to turn things around. Things had been so perfect, so wonderful. And just as always he had screwed it up carelessly. His heart sank when Luke's hand took a hold of his and moved it off his chest. It was only a matter of time now before he was kicked out of the house and then he'd never see Luke again.

"Noah," he heard Luke's voice but it sounded so far away. Why was that when they were right beside each other? "Noah, please," Luke said again, this time squeezing his hand as he did so. "Look at me, I have something to tell you."

He heard the words somewhere through the fog and forced himself to turn. He was somewhat surprised to see that Luke was not angry, not even close. There was nothing in those eyes but honesty and…love. He allowed himself to relax and waited patiently to hear what his lover had to say.

"About Randy," Luke said, his voice so soft that Noah almost didn't hear him.

"We don't have to talk about him," Noah interrupted. He didn't want to hear anything about that man ever again. Actually if he thought he could get away with it he would make sure that Randy didn't have a job at WOAK. But he knew that wasn't possible.

He could tell by the look in Luke's eyes that he wasn't going to let this go. "No," he said, his voice still soft.

"No what?" Noah asked confused. Luke's gaze was so intense that he found himself getting lost in it.

"I didn't fall asleep," he confessed, his free hand caressing Noah's cheek, "after Randy and I were together, because we were never together, Noah. I never slept with Randy."

"But you said you guys were getting close," Noah stammered, realizing too late how silly that sounded. He wished at that moment that there was a rewind button. He would be able to come up with something clever to say. He shook his head and sighed. He reached up, took Luke's hand into his own and kissed the knuckle. "I'm sorry."

Luke smiled, and Noah thought he would melt right there. Luke's smile always did have that power over him. "I thought you'd be happy? I mean after all, you got what you wanted, didn't you?"

Noah opened his mouth to speak, but words seemed to escape him at the moment. The levity of the conversation was just now hitting him. If he never slept with the intern then….  
"I am happy, Luke," he said finding his voice. "I just, if I would have known then tonight…"  
"No regrets, Noah." Once again his voice was soft and Noah marveled at how easy it was for him to do that. Was there anything he didn't love about Luke? "You were my first, and I wouldn't change anything about tonight, it was perfect."

He wrapped his arms tighter around Luke and locked gazes with him. "You are perfect Luke, and I meant what I said earlier."

"Did you?" Luke asked. Two simple words, spoken with such conviction, he didn't know what to expect next. Were things about to go from hot to cold? Even as he asked himself that question Luke pulled away and turned to look at him.

"What's wrong?" he asked, hearing the panic in his own voice. He was beginning to think that no matter what he said he would upset Luke someway. Maybe it would be better if he never spoke. Perhaps they shouldn't have started this discussion? Why had he mentioned Randy in the first place?

"We can't keep doing this Noah."

"I don't think I get what you mean", Noah said as the dread crept it's way into his heart. This wasn't happening. He couldn't lose this, not the only thing that truly made any sense. Not when he had finally accepted that his attraction to this man for what is was. "Luke…" he said trying to figure out what exactly he wanted to say, but the other boy shook his head, a clear sign that he wasn't finished.

"No, Noah, you need to listen to me. I'm so conflicted right now, that you couldn't even begin to understand. What we just shared…it was incredible, and I don't want to take it back. I want this…I want us but I don't know what you want."

Luke turned away then and Noah sighed. It was inevitable, and he should have known it was coming. Reality was crashing down on them with rapid speed, and he didn't know what to do. Or did he? This…what was going on right this second was right. He belonged here with Luke and that was where he wanted to be…but he was scared. That was what it all boiled down to. He was afraid to take that leap.

"My heart is yours, Noah," Luke's voice pulled him back from the abyss once more. "It always has belonged to you, but I can't keep playing these games. That hurts too much because I know how I feel about you."

It was the sincerity in those eyes that did Noah in. Luke had turned to face him again and there was so much emotion there. He just wanted to reach out and pull Luke close again, to tell him that he felt the same way. He knew how he felt about Luke, he knew what he was doing was wrong. He even knew that his love was right. He did have to make a choice…it was in his hands.

"Luke, I don't know what to say…" It was lame, he knew but it was all he could think of. "Tell me what I can do, what do you need me to do."

"My heart is yours, Noah," he repeated, his voice husky. "I belong to you, I love you. What you have to decide is if you really want this…if you want me…us. I gave myself to you tonight; I need to know if you can give yourself to me and just me.

Silence; as thick as a blanket, hung over the room after those words. The ball was in his court and he didn't have a lot of time to think about it. The fact that Luke laid all the cards on the table like that only made him more desirable. How could he possibly lose what he had found here. Not that he wanted to hurt anyone. He realized though that it was too late for that.

The shrill ringing of the telephone sounded especially loud in the quiet. He heard Luke let out an audible sigh as he sat up to search out his phone. As luck would have it, the phone was lying a few feet away. Noah hid a smile as he realized the phone must have fallen while they were otherwise engaged.

"Hello." To Noah's ears, Luke sounded slightly annoyed. He could admit that he was too. Why did someone have to interrupt them at that precise moment? "Oh," Luke said into the phone even as he turned to face him. "Hi Randy.


	4. Chapter 4

"My heart is yours, Noah." His voice was deep and husky as he spoke and he knew the words were having the desired effect. He was determined that Noah would hear what he had to say this time…he only hoped that in the end he could have what he really wanted. "I belong to you, I love you. What you have to decide is if you really want this…us." He bit his bottom lip, a nervous habit he was sure he would never outgrow. "I gave myself to you tonight; I need to know if you can give yourself to me and just me."

Silence was the only answer he got for a long time. He could see the conflicting emotions in Noah's eyes, but he dared not try to read them. He loved those eyes, so dark and impressionable. He wanted to get lost in them, to drown in their depths but he couldn't. Not now, maybe not ever. He knew the risk he was taking here. Essentially he had laid all his cards out on the table. His heart was on his sleeve and the man lying beside him held all the power.

He didn't think it was too much to ask. He wanted this, more than he had wanted anything else in his life. He wanted to be loved, to be somebody's first choice…and more importantly he really wanted Noah.

The shrill ringing of the telephone made him jump. He sighed and sat up to seek out the obtrusive instrument. It didn't take him long to locate the phone which was a few feet away from where they were. He looked at Noah, giving him a look that clearly said we're not done; even as he flipped open his phone.

"Hello," he said, hoping the person on the other end got the point that he was annoyed. "Oh," he said his tone changing as he looked over at Noah again. "Hi Randy."

"Hey, sunshine, I was wondering if I could stop by to see you tonight."

"Tonight?" Luke repeated. His eyes were on his lover's, gauging his reaction to this impromptu conversation. "I would have to check, Randy, but I don't think I have any pla-"

He was startled by how quickly Noah moved. One moment the phone had been pressed to his ear, and the next it was closed and halfway across the room. He found himself flat on his back, with his lover's hands touching his chest, and those eyes staring deeply into his soul.

"Noah," he breathed

"Okay," Noah said interrupting him. Luke heard the tremble in that deep voice and fell in love all over again. "I want you, Luke. I choose you. Okay."

He couldn't speak. There weren't any words could rightly describe his feelings at the moment. His heart was bursting with something akin to joy as he reached up to cup his lover's face in his hands.

"Are you sure," he asked, giving Noah one more chance to change his mind. "You have to be sure, Noah because once you say yes; I'm not letting you go."

He could see the answer clearly in that dark gaze and it sent a shiver up his spine. He could see his dreams in those eyes and he couldn't wait another moment to kiss him. Their lips met in a passionate embrace that ignited the fire beneath them once again.

If anyone could see his face right now, they would know exactly what had transpired the night before. He was humming, and his face was aglow with something very like bliss. He knew he should be more careful about how he felt, but he couldn't help the grin that crossed his lips every time his eyes lingered on that one certain spot. That place where just mere hours ago he had lain wrapped in his lover's arms. The first time, and even the second had been amazing and wild. There wasn't anything he would have changed about the events that transpired. Yet there had been something more special about the moments they shared when they made it to the bedroom.

Now it was morning and he was making breakfast for himself and Noah. He had spent a few minutes just watching the rise and fall of his lover's chest. It was the happiest he could ever remember being in a long time, but he knew all too well that it wouldn't last.

It wasn't that he doubted he and Noah could last together, he just wasn't naïve enough to think the road would be smooth. What they shared was wonderful, the promises made were poignant but nothing about their courtship had been simple. There was still a lot they would have to deal with, especially when it came to Noah. He was still technically dating Maddie and that would be their first obstacle. They had to tell her about them. He could admit, at least to himself that he was afraid of what would happen when they left the security of the Snyder farm. The outside world was a scary place, and it certainly was no picnic for two guys who just wanted to be together.

He felt a pair of arms around him and he smiled. A chin rested in his hair and a contented sigh left his lips. "Good morning," he said allowing himself to settle back into the embrace.

"It would have been better if you were there when I woke up," Noah replied as he nuzzled Luke's neck. Luke sighed happily as he continued to work on Breakfast.

"That would have been nice," he admitted, "but someone had to get up to make food.. Besides we have a lot we need to do today."

"I know what I want to do," came the reply as warm lips touched his neck. Luke forgot about the food for a moment to turn around in Noah's arms. He welcomed the kiss eagerly and lost himself for long moments in heaven."

"MMM, that's enough," he said reluctantly pushing Noah away. "There is much to discuss and if we keep doing that, then we won't get anywhere."

"I'm waiting for you to tell me why that would be a bad thing," Noah smiled slyly.

Luke laughed and swatted him before turning his attention back to their breakfast. "Behave," he said wagging the spatula at him. "I'm being serious here. As much as I would love to spend the rest of the day here with you…we just can't."

"I know you're right, Luke," Noah complied. "I just…don't want to lose this."

Luke smiled at him, but then turned his attention on the pancakes he was making. "I don't want to either which is why we need to talk about it," he replied as he flipped the cake in the frying pan.

"Okay," Noah agreed, leaning his elbows on the counter so he could watch Luke cook. "What do we need to discuss?"

"Can you set the table?" Luke asked, even as he transferred hot cakes onto a large platter. Noah complied and soon they were sitting down to pancakes, eggs and bacon with homemade maple syrup.

"This is delicious," Noah complimented, reaching for another cake off the stack in front of him. "I didn't know cooking was among your many talents."

He shrugged and focused on his own pancakes for a moment. He was trying to gather his thoughts. He had decided as they ate that the best approach was to just be honest and direct. "You know we have to tell Maddie…you have to tell her the truth."

He could tell that his statement made Noah uncomfortable, but he pressed forward. If he stopped being honest every time Noah was uneasy then he'd never get his point across. Besides, this was important to him...to them. He hoped Noah felt the same way. "If you and I are going to be together…"

"We can tell her together," Noah said stopping Luke midsentence. He was sure the other boy could see the surprise that was clear on his face. He smiled to cover it up and reached out to take Noah's hand in his. "I think we should do everything together," Noah continued, "From now on. We're stronger that way, Luke."

He was speechless, pleasantly so. Maybe this would be okay. Maybe he didn't have to worry about Noah's commitment to him. "I know this is going to hurt her," Noah said frowning, "And I am sorry for that fact. I never wanted to hurt anyone, I just…" he sighed and Luke gave his hand a squeeze.

"If you keep in mind what you just said," Luke told him, his voice soothing, "that we are stronger together then you will be okay. I don't think this will be easy, Noah. Not by a long shot. I think it will be well worth it though.

He relaxed when a smile replaced Noah's frown. Instinctively they moved allowing their foreheads to touch. For long moments they stayed like that until he decided he couldn't resist those lips any more. The world was certainly a better place if he got to kiss Noah Mayer.

He couldn't concentrate, not even a little bit. It seemed that every little thing reminded him of Noah, and it was driving him crazy. At work they couldn't be close, not yet, not until they talked to Maddie. They had to pretend like nothing was going on between them, and that would be simple…if he could stop glancing over at him every few minutes.

He felt a pair of hands on his back and leaned into the embrace. A contented sigh almost escaped his lips until he realized the body felt wrong. He turned and realized that it wasn't Noah who was standing behind him. Instead of dark eyes he was staring into blue ones.

"Randy, Hi," he said moving to stand so he was facing the man. "I didn't realize you were here."

"I just wanted to make sure you were okay," the other man explained. "You ended our conversation rather abruptly last night."

"Uh, yeah sorry about that," he said running a hand through his hair as he allowed his eyes to seek out Noah. "I was in the middle of something."

"It's cool, you don't owe me an explanation," Randy shrugged. "I'll catch you later; I need to go help Katie with something."

"Yeah, sure," he said absently. "Catch you later." He was barely paying attention as the other boy left. He was staring at another pair of eyes, ones accompanied by an expression he couldn't quite name. "What's wrong now," he said sighing. He was almost afraid that they would end up fighting again.

"You didn't tell him." That was all he would say as he looked back down at the schedule he was crafting.

"You are not going to get mad at me about that are you?" Luke asked incredulously. "You know he doesn't mean anything to me. At least I hope you know it."

The expression on his face was enough to make Noah move to his side. Soon he was wrapped in those arms again and the problems of the world seemed to melt away. "I didn't mean to upset you, Luke," Noah admitted with a sigh. "It's just, well I thought you said we were going to do this and I don't want you to change your mind."

"I'm not changing my mind," he said turning to face those dark eyes head on. "I just don't think anyone should know before Mads. She has the right to know first. You can understand that right?"

"What do I have the right to know?" Maddie asked startling them both. Luke looked from her to Noah and back before sighing. This wasn't exactly how he had envisioned this happening but it seemed inevitable now.

"Maddie, Hi," he said trying to end the awkward silence that had fallen. "We were just, um;" he trailed off not sure really what it was he wanted to say."

"Hi," Maddie said smiling. "Did I miss something? You guys were just talking about me, and now you're acting weird. And you," she said turning her attention to Noah, "were supposed watch movies with me last night. Did you forget about Hepburn and Tracy night?"

Luke could tell that Noah was just as uncomfortable as he was and he wished there was something he could do about that. "I'm sorry Maddie," he heard Noah say. "I completely forgot about that. Can I make it up to you?"

"Of course you can," she said moving forward to slip into Noah's arms. She stood on her tiptoes to give him a kiss, and it didn't go unnoticed by Luke that Noah intentionally turned so that her lips landed on his cheek. "You can start by telling me why you two were talking about me. And where were you last night?"

"I was with Luke," Noah admitted with a casual shrug of his shoulders. "We were talking, and I guess I lost track of time, right Luke?"

He didn't know what to say to that. It wasn't completely a lie, but the implication was so far from the truth it was almost laughable. "Yeah, we were…talking," he said after a moment, a smile crossing his lips as he thought about just what they "talked about."

"Oh, well you guys do look happy," Maddie observed. "I hope this means there won't be anymore tension filled moments with you two at each other's throats."

A giggle escaped Luke's lips and he had to look away to avoid Maddie's questioning gaze. He couldn't help it, her words, whether she realized it or not, were very suggestive.

"I don't think you need to worry about that," Noah's voice reached his ears. "I think we settled a lot of things, and we are a little happier. Actually, that's what we need to talk to you about."

Luke looked at him, a little surprised that he was going to do this now. Their eyes met for a moment and silent communication flowed between them for long moments.

"_Now?"_

"_Yes. She needs to know and I don't want to spend the rest of the day away from you."_

""_I don't either…but…are you ready?"_

"_I'm ready…if you are…"_

"_Yeah..."_

"_Yeah"_

"Well?" Maddie said breaking them both out of the trance. "What is it Noah? What do you need me to know? And why are you two still acting strange? I thought you worked everything out?"

"We did," Luke said allowing a smile to cross his lips. "There's just uh, more to it than that…and well," he floundered again wishing his writer's brain would kick in. He hated to be unsure of what to say, even though it seemed to happen more often than not.

"What's going on Luke," Maddie said, piercing him with her version of the dark gaze. "Did I interrupt something?"

"Nothing," Luke said trying to laugh it off. "I mean like Noah said we had a lot to talk about last night. I didn't realize he had plans with you…I'm sorry."

He could see the wheels turning in his friend's head, and he wondered why he was trying to lead this conversation. Her brows were knit and she looked from him to Noah and back as if she were trying to size up the situation. "Luke you look uncomfortable and you," she said turning those eyes on Noah, look like you just saw a ghost. That is quite the switch from the happiness I glimpsed when I entered the room."

Luke couldn't figure out how she thought they had been happy when she walked in. In his mind that moment had been wrought with tension. But than he knew what was going on. "There isn't anything going on, Maddie," he said with a sigh. "We're just working. That is why we come here everyday."

"Right," Maddie retorted. "And I suppose the next thing you'll tell me is that you and Noah were working on Invisible Girl last night, and that's why he missed the movies."

"Maddie," Noah jumped to his defense. "Luke didn't do anything wrong. Don't jump on him like that. I'm sorry about the movies, okay. There is something you need to know, and if you don't mind I would like to get it out before I lose my nerve."

"Spit it out then, Noah," she said facing him once more. Luke couldn't read the expression on her face now. She seemed calm, yet annoyed at the same time. Was that mixture of emotions even possible?

"What do I have a right to know?"

"Maddie, Noah and I…" Luke started, wanting to rescue Noah. "We're…"

"We're in love."

Nothing could quite describe the feeling in his heart at those words. He felt Noah's hand wrap his in warmth and a smile spread across his lips. This he hadn't been expecting. Noah looked at him, the proof of his words clear in his eyes and for a moment they forgot that anyone else was in the room.

"You love me?" he asked, not able to keep the surprise out of his voice.

"Is that so surprising," Noah ducked his head in that way that Luke found endearing.

He opened his mouth to reply to that but the sound of someone clearing their throat brought them crashing back down to earth.

"Excuse me, third party in the room here," Maddie said, and once again Luke couldn't tell if she was annoyed or just joking around. He noticed right away that her arms were crossed in front of her and she was watching them quizzically. "I don't know what to say here," she said after a moment.

"Maddie," He said, stopping when she put her hand up and shook her head.

"No, don't even try to explain it, because it's suddenly becoming clear to me. Actually I could kick myself for not noticing it sooner."

"I never meant for this to happen, Maddie," Noah spoke up, letting go of Luke's hand for a moment so he could go to her.

"Don't do that," she said backing away from him. "It's not fair to me, and it's not fair to Luke. I know you didn't mean to hurt me Noah…but you did. You lied to me and…" she trailed off a moment and looked over at Luke who frowned.

"I tried to get him to tell you the truth, Maddie, but I'm sure you know as well as I do that there are many reasons why he couldn't."

Maddie nodded, her gaze falling back on Noah. "Did you care about me at all?"

"Yes," Noah responded emphatically. "I didn't make up how I felt, Maddie…I just wasn't honest about the depth of those feelings and for that I truly am sorry. You have to believe I never wanted to hurt you…we never wanted to hurt you. I care about you, a lot, and I don't want to lose you as a friend.

Luke was impressed with how calm his lover seemed at the moment. He knew that in reality Noah was a bundle of nerves, and in fact frightened by how Maddie could react. "I don't want to lose your friendship either, Mads," he said adding in his two cents. He moved to take his place next to Noah again, reaching once more for the comfort of his hand.

"Actually, I can admit that you two look very cute together," Maddie said choosing her words carefully. "And when I think back to all the times I walked in on something…and all the awkward moments…" she shook her head, blinking back the tears that Luke knew were there.

This time he let go of Noah's hand and went to his friend, wrapping her in a hug. He was rewarded with her arms going around him as well. For a minute he stood there, holding her as she cried. He knew how it felt to have a broken heart, and his friend had had her share. He hoped that together they would be able to weather this storm for he truly didn't want to lose her as a friend, and he knew Noah didn't either.

"I really am sorry," he said when her crying ceased. He and he alone knew that she wasn't just crying about this. There was a lot more going on here than just the fact that he had "taken" her boyfriend away.

"No, I'm sorry, Luke. I didn't mean to…I'm just angry, at myself, sad and…"

"Mad at me?" Luke suggested softly.

"Or me?" Noah asked coming forward to stand with them. "This is my fault after all…"

Once again Maddie shook her head. "Do not apologize for being who you are, Noah," she snapped. Luke hid a smile, the feisty girl he knew was back and she wasn't taking any of Noah's crap. He was proud of her.

"What you did to me hurts, and it will take me some time to get over it," she admitted, "I mean…you used me, Noah, to make your father happy."

"I just wanted him to be proud of me," Noah defended, his head bowed again. Luke rested a hand on his shoulder, rubbing it soothingly. He knew Noah was ashamed, but sadly Maddie was right on with what she was saying. Hadn't he tried to tell Noah the same thing time and time again?

"You have to be proud of yourself before anyone else can be proud of you." It was a simple statement, but it held a lot of truth. Maddie sighed and moved forward to hug Noah. "What you did isn't right, Noah," she said looking up at him, "Because it means you weren't being honest with me, or Luke and most of all, you weren't being true to you, and that's important."

Luke watched as Noah hugged her back and for once he didn't feel a surge of jealousy. He smiled, and allowed himself to relax a little. It really was going to be okay…in time.

"Does this mean you forgive me?" Noah asked pulling away from the hug.

"How long?" Maddie asked, ignoring the question for now. "How long has there been something between you two?"

"We shared a kiss a few weeks ago," Noah admitted. "That afternoon we had lunch with my dad. Luke…he brought me a tie and tied it for me and…"

Maddie just nodded. "That's why you were so jumpy when I told you that you should have had Luke fix it for you. That makes so much sense now. Everything makes sense, and I'm glad you told me now before we really became serious."

"Are you sure you are okay with this," he asked , his eyes moving between Maddie and Noah and back to Maddie. He knew she was putting up a brave front right now; that was a tactic he was very familiar with. Actually all three of them were just too good at trying to hide their true feelings. It was no wonder they got along so well.

For her credit she smiled and nodded, despite the moisture that flecked her cheeks. "I'm happy for you two. Really, I am…it's just; well it's going to take some time to get past it. You understand that, don't you?"

"Yes, I understand," Noah said with a sigh. If Luke knew anything, he knew that his boyfriend was grateful for the reprieve Maddie was offering. Of course it would take time for things to be anything close to normal between the three of them, but at least they could still count on her as a friend in the long run.

"You better not hurt him" she warned Noah with a smile. "You should consider yourself very lucky. Luke is very special."

"I know," Noah said, his arm slipping around Luke's waist. "I will take good care of him, I promise."

"And you," she said turning to Luke who just smiled at her.

"I'll make sure Noah behaves, I swear." He was happy to see that his words brought a smile to Maddie's lips. It was a weak smile, but it was a start.

"Well, again, I'm happy for you two. Now I think we should get back to work, before Katie starts to rethink our long-term roles as interns."

She hugged both of the boys again, though Luke noticed how eager she was to get out of the room. He held her tightly for a moment, trying to offer some measure of support before allowing her to flee the room. When she was gone he looked at Noah and sighed. That part was done…now it was time for them to get back to work.

Getting back to work was a lot harder than Luke ever could have imagined. Things would have been a lot easier if Noah wasn't throwing suggestive glances his way every few seconds. It was unnerving, to say the least; but not unpleasant…not even close. The grin on his face was a telltale sign of how he felt…he just couldn't hide it.. There was just something about the way Noah looked at him. It was like nothing he'd ever experienced in his life.

Of course he was easily distracted too. He couldn't help but look over at the man who owned his heart from time to time. Noah was sitting across the room, at a desk, reading another chapter of Invisible Girl, He on the other hand was taking a break from writing. Katie had him cataloging tapes again, and he was trying to make sure he hadn't missed anything. Trying was the operative term though…especially when he felt that piercing hot gaze on the back of his neck. Ever so slowly he turned and was greeted with the sight of his boyfriend's cocky grin. He stood from his seat and cleared his throat.

"What are you thinking about?" he asked, trying his hardest to look stern. "You're supposed to be working."

"Oh, I was just thinking about last night," Noah responded, his smile seemed so much brighter and it gave Luke a thrill to know he was the cause of that. See, I have this incredibly hot boyfriend, and he is really great in bed too."

"Oh, really?" Luke said feigning surprise. "Sounds like a great guy. You must've been pretty lucky to land him." He said even as he moved across the room until he was by Noah's side. He moved Noah's chair, just enough for him to take a seat on the edge of the desk. He was facing his boyfriend head on, with his feet settled on Noah's chair.

"yeah," Noah replied. "I am lucky. He even made me pancakes this morning. I think I might keep him," he said with his tongue in his cheek.

Using his feet, Luke pulled Noah's chair closer and eased himself into his lap.

"Oh you THINK you might huh?" he asked, cocking his head sideways to look at his Boyfriend.

"Yeah…I'm leaning towards forever even.

Luke grinned. "Forever huh? That sounds like fun…IF he wants to keep YOU around that long."

Luke couldn't help but chuckle at Noah's outraged expression. Before he could say more he felt arms settling around him, and hands linking on his lower back. His breath caught as Noah moved forward, allowing their foreheads to be pressed together. Their lips were just about to touch when Noah pulled back slightly without breaking the connection.

"Maybe I should do something to convince him to keep me around?" he suggested.

"Hmmmm…Like what,"

He didn't get an answer to his question…and he didn't need it. Actions were enough as he felt Noah's lips pres against his own. They hadn't shared a kiss since that morning before breakfast. He had wanted a kiss after Noah's admission of love, but he didn't want to pour salt into Maddie's wounds. So he decided to save the affection for a private moment. Sure they were at work…but they WERE alone in the room...that would have to do.

He sighed and pulled away to look into his boyfriend's eyes. "You're perfect, You know that Noah Mayer?

Noah just smiled at him and dipped his head for another kiss. Luke hadn't intended for the kiss to become so heated, but once he felt those lips against his he had to be inside that mouth. It was something he couldn't fight. His tongue prodded against Noah's bottom lip. They both moaned as Noah opened his mouth and Luke's tongue slid inside.\

Another moan escaped Luke as Noah started sucking on his tongue. That alone was enough to drive him insane. He could feel Noah's hands tightening on his hips and pressed himself even closer to that firm body.

"UM…what the hell are you doing?" came a familiar voice that broke their kiss and the spell that had been cast. Instinctively, Luke jumped out of Noah's lap, embarrassed that Randy had found them in such an intimate moment.

He didn't get very far before Noah was behind him, wrapping his arms around his waist. Luke was almost giddy at how protective Noah became when Randy was around. He half expected the other man to pee on his leg to mark his territory.

"Well, I was kissing my boyfriend until you interrupted, as you have had a tendency to do," Noah barked. Luke closed his eyes briefly and sighed. He hadn't wanted Randy to find out this way, and certainly Noah didn't have to be so harsh. They had set aside a time to talk with Maddie, but they hadn't discussed anything with Randy as of yet.

"Your…wait…your boyfriend," Randy's confused stutter met Luke's ears and he opened his eyes. The look on Randy's face could only be described as bewildered; that only made Luke feel worse.

"That's right," Noah responded. "MY boyfriend." His arms tightened around Luke for a moment as he stared down Randy. "Mine." And then he was gone, leaving Luke to deal with Randy all on his own. He almost cursed his boyfriend for leaving him alone, but on the other hand he knew he could let Randy down more gently without Noah.

His eyes remained on the door for a moment before finally focusing on Randy.

His eyes remained on the door for a moment before finally focusing on Randy. The look on his face was enough to make Luke feel a pang of guilt. He like someone had kicked his puppy.

"What does he mean Luke? When did all this happen? And where do I fit in?"

"I'm sorry, Randy, really very sorry," Luke said, running a hand through his hair. "I didn't intend for you to find out like this, but please hear me out before you hate me?" He waited for the other man's consent before he continued. "Noah and I became a couple last night. We only told Maddie today, and I was planning to tell you at lunchtime. The thing is, Noah has always had my heart…it just took him a while to figure out if he wanted it or not."

"So…what was I?" Randy asked. He sounded really put off by what he was being told and Luke sighed. "Just some decoy? Someone to make him jealous and make him admit he wanted you. Wow, Luke. I never would have expected you would use me."

*God,* Luke thought with a frown, *I hate making people sad.*

"Randy," he pleaded, "I'm sorry. I really do like you. You're a great guy. Anyone would be lucky to have you. I know it was wrong of me not to be completely honest with you. Noah and I already had a past when you came into the picture. I didn't set out to use you, I swear. But when I saw Noah's reaction to the idea of us…you and me I couldn't help it. I know It was an awful thing to do and I swear I'm really sorry if I caused you any pain."

There was silence for a moment as the other man thought about it. After what seemed like forever, he smiled and faced Luke head on.

"Hey, don't be so hard on yourself. You didn't do anything that I wouldn't have done. In fact anyone would do anything to get what they want." He shrugged. "It just sucks to be a pawn in someone's game. I really like you, Luke," he admitted. "You're…god…you're sexy. And when this thing with Noah doesn't work out…you know where to find me. Until then, I'd really like it if we could maintain our friendship.

Luke was relieved and allowed a smile to cross his lips. "Thank you for being so understanding, Randy. It means a lot to me, really it does. I wouldn't want you to get your hopes up though, I mean Noah and I WILL work out. "We're in love and he's all I've ever wanted.

He didn't know what to make of Randy's reaction to his statement. The other man smiled and shrugged his shoulders as if he didn't quite believe what he had heard. "Okay, whatever you feel, Luke."

"I would love to still be friends though…it means a lot to me that you'd still consider me a friend after how I treated you." He paused for a moment, a soft smile crossing his lips. "We still up for those horseback riding lessons?" It was important to Luke that he maintained this friendship. He didn't have a lot of people he could trust.

"Sure. We'll set up a time and a date," Randy replied before turning to leave the room. He stopped at the door and turned, his hand on the doorknob. "Oh and Luke?"

"Yeah?"

"You owe me one." he winked and left leaving Luke relieved and glad that Randy still wanted to be a part of his life. With a sigh he went to find Noah, deciding he wouldn't ream him out for this one. There was no time for that…they needed to get back to work..

There wasn't much that could get him down today. He spent the rest of the afternoon on a cloud that was way higher than number nine. Things were going a lot smoother than he had expected them too, and he hoped they could only get better. How could anything go wrong when he had the best boyfriend and a new friend to confide in as well? He and Noah no longer had to hide how they felt either, that was in of itself a relief. He could be affectionate when he wanted to, and they could share secret looks…at least he hoped that was the case.

There was still the smallest bit of doubt about this, one small part of him that found it too good to be true. He wasn't going to allow that doubt to ruin his good mood. At the moment he was waiting for Noah to be finished so they could go back to his place. He wanted to tell his parents the good news. He just needed to share it with someone, even though another part of him wanted to keep his boyfriend all to himself. Especially since he didn't know how "out" Noah was ready to be. Surely if he was admitting that he loved him…

"You waited for me." The voice brought him out of his thoughts and he turned to see Noah walking towards him.

"Where else would I be?" he asked with a shrug of his shoulders. He put his hands in his pockets and became shy in that moment. He knew there was no reason for him to be nervous not after the night they had shared. "I just wanted to know if you wanted to come home with me tonight."

An amused expression crossed Noah's lips and it made Luke laugh. "Not for that," he said with a shake of his head. He hoped Noah didn't see the faint blush that crept up his cheeks. "I wanted to share this great news with my family, unless you aren't ready for that yet."

Noah was silent for a moment, and Luke wondered if he was pushing too hard already. He was on the verge of telling his boyfriend to forget it, that he wasn't trying to rush anything…even if that did seem silly at this juncture. He opened his mouth to speak but his boyfriend beat him to it.

"I would love to go home with you," he said a warm smile crossing his lips. "This will be the first time I'm meeting your family you know. You know what that means don't you?"

"What," he asked even as Noah closed the distance between them, and his arms instinctively went around his waist as they kissed.

"It means this is serious," Noah responded when they pulled apart. "Meeting the parents means being committed."

"And are you ready for that, Luke asked looking into those eyes he loved so well. "I mean if this is too much too fast then…"

The rest of his words were swallowed by Noah's kiss and he allowed himself to melt into it for a moment. This felt good, this felt right. This was where he was supposed to be.

His heart beat fast as they walked towards his family's home. This was going to be an interesting night. His parents would be shocked, his brother and his sisters would have interesting reactions as well he was sure. And as far as Little Ethan went, he wouldn't really know what was going on. Everything was going to be fine…

So why was his heart beating so fast? Why did he feel as if he had just run a marathon instead of spending hours at the station? The last time he had been this nervous, he had come out to his parents ending months of deceit and lies. Then his concern had been whether or not his mom and dad could accept him as who he truly was. It had taken his mom some time to do that, and both she and his dad were supportive now.

Of course this was a different story. Lily and Holden were just getting used to having a gay son. Would they be able to deal with his first real relationship? This was the real test, the true acceptance. It was one thing to know your son's sexuality, but it was another to be faced with it.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Noah's voice brought him back to the present and he realized they had stopped just outside his front door. He blinked and tried to clear the cobwebs from his mind. A smile crossed his lips as he looked at Noah, hoping the uneasiness didn't show on his face.

"I think my thoughts are worth way more than a penny. I'm just…"

"A little nervous," Noah finished his sentence for him. "I'm nervous too…we can do this together though, remember? From what you have told me, your family is great and they accept you. The scary thought will be when you have to meet my father."

"I don't want to think about that," he said shaking his head. "My parents accept me, yes, but this is a little different, Noah. I'm bringing home the boyfriend. They never had to deal with that before today. I just…well you are important to me and I want everyone to like you."

"I will be on my best behavior…just relax, Luke. It'll be alright."


	5. Chapter 5

His heart beat fast as they walked towards his family's home. This was going to be an interesting night. His parents would be shocked, his brother and his sisters would have interesting reactions as well he was sure. And as far as Little Ethan went, he wouldn't really know what was going on. Everything was going to be fine…

So why was his heart beating so fast? Why did he feel as if he had just run a marathon instead of spending hours at the station? The last time he had been this nervous, he had come out to his parents ending months of deceit and lies. Then his concern had been whether or not his mom and dad could accept him as who he truly was. It had taken his mom some time to do that, and both she and his dad were supportive now.

Of course this was a different story. Lily and Holden were just getting used to having a gay son. Would they be able to deal with his first real relationship? This was the real test, the true acceptance. It was one thing to know your son's sexuality was one thing but it was another to be faced with it.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Noah's voice brought him back to the present and he realized they had stopped just outside his front door. He blinked and tried to clear the cobwebs from his mind. A smile crossed his lips as he looked at Noah, hoping the uneasiness didn't show on his face.

"I think my thoughts are worth way more than a penny. I'm just…"

"A little nervous," Noah finished his sentence for him. "I'm nervous too…we can do this together though, remember? From what you have told me, your family is great and they accept you. The scary thought will be when you have to meet my father."

"I don't want to think about that," he said shaking his head. "My parents accept me yes, but this is a little different, Noah. I'm bringing home the boyfriend. They never had to deal with that before today. I just…well you are important to me and I want everyone to like you."

"I will be on my best behavior…just relax, Luke. It will be alright."

He nodded, letting Noah's words soothe him, even though he knew his boyfriend had to be worried as well. This was an even bigger step for him. He wasn't just meeting his boyfriend's parents. For Noah this was about not hiding anymore…a coming out of sorts. It was going to be interesting. Luke squeezed his boyfriend's hand and smiled. "It'll be alright," he mimicked Noah's words. "My family is going to love you just as much as I do."

Noah's raised eyebrows made him laugh and he amended his statement. "Okay so maybe not as much as I do." He kissed Noah softly on the lips before pulling him into the house.

"Hello," he called as Noah closed the door behind them. "Mom? Dad? Faith? Anyone home?"

"We're in here sweetie," his mom called from the kitchen.

His eyes met Noah's for a long moment, and he gave him a soft kiss before pulling him towards the kitchen. His mom was at the kitchen sink pouring pasta into a strainer. His sisters were at the table doing their homework while Ethan amused himself with a wooden spoon. All eyes were on Luke as he entered the room with Noah by his side. He tightened his hold on Noah's hand and smiled at his family.

"Mom, Faith, Nat, I want you all to meet Noah…my boyfriend." He shared a smile with Noah who quickly ducked his head shyly.

"It's nice to meet you Mrs. Snyder, he said after a moment, looking up at Lily who had a soft smile on her face.

"Noah, it's a pleasure to meet you too. My son has told me so much about you. I must admit that I didn't realize you two were dating though," she said looking at her son who had a slight tint to his cheeks.

"That's a long story, Mom," Luke explained. "We only just made it official last night. Uh, where's dad?" he asked quickly trying to deflect some of the attention off of him and Noah. He would talk to his mom about things later, but he didn't want Noah to get too overwhelmed.

"He's at the stables," Lily explained. "He should be in shortly, and dinner will be ready soon too. Noah are you going to stay for dinner?"

"Uh," Noah said looking at Luke who nodded. "Yes, ma'am I would like that very much. "Is there anything I can do to help?"

Lily smiled at her son and winked. "I like him already," she said before turning her gaze back on Noah. "Actually you could help Luke set the table.

"You can do my English paper for me," Faith piped up. Luke was happy to see that she was smiling at Noah. It made him feel good to know that his family seemed okay with this.

"Can you sit next to me at dinner?" Natalie asked not wanting to feel left out of the conversation.

"He's going to sit next to Luke silly," Faith scolded their little sister."

"I can sit next to both of you if you want," Noah replied. But if you want help with your paper, then you should ask your brother. He's the brilliant writer. Then again, he's very good at a lot of things."

Luke was about to respond to that compliment when he heard his father's voice from the other room, followed by his heavy footsteps. "I thought I heard voices in here," he said giving both Natalie and Faith kisses on the cheek.

"Hi daddy," the girls chimed together.

"You're just in time for dinner, sweetheart," Lily said at almost the same moment. Holden came over and gave her a kiss. Luke smiled and took a moment to glance at his boyfriend. Noah was watching the scene before him with a look of awe on his face. Luke knew it had to be interesting for him to see family interacting like this.

"Your parents look so happy together," Noah remarked. "You are very lucky to have that." His tone was wistful, and Luke let go of his hand so he could put his arm around his shoulders for a quick hug.

"Awwwww," the girls chorused before Natalie exploded into giggles.

"Daddy, you have to meet Luke's Boyfriend," she squealed, causing Holden to break away from Lily. Luke noticed that his father seemed shocked that there were other people in the room. It made him smile to think that he had been so preoccupied with Lily that he hadn't noticed.

"Hey son, I didn't see you there," he said coming to give Luke a pat on the shoulder. "Are you going to introduce me to your…friend here?"

"This is Noah," he said, puling Noah closer still. He would protect him from anyone and anything and he just wanted him to know that. "I wanted him to meet the best dad in the world."

"So you're Noah," Holden said, taking a moment to give Noah a scrutinizing look. Luke held his breath, his father's approval was very important to him…especially after all that happened with Kevin. He knew his dad was concerned and didn't want him to get hurt again.

"Uh, yes, Mr. Snyder sir. It's nice to meet you," Noah said standing up straight under the intense gaze. "It's nice to meet you. It's nice to meet all of you."

"Relax, Noah," Holden told him. "I'm not going to bite, I promise. I would like to have a word with you though, if you don't mind."

"Actually, that's a good idea," Lily piped up. "I'd actually like a word with you too, Luke."

"Can it wait until after dinner," Luke asked, his hand moving to take a hold of Noah's again. His boyfriend was shaking with worry and he didn't know how to assure him that everything would be okay. "Relax," he whispered even as he brought their clasped hands up to his cheek. "It's just my dad; it's going to be alright okay?"

"I think it can wait until after we eat," Lily agreed. She could see how uncomfortable they were making Noah and it worried her a little bit. But she would save her questions until she talked to Luke.

"After dinner it is," Holden agreed. He too noticed the tension coming from Noah. He also picked up on how protective his son seemed of his boyfriend. At that moment Holden couldn't have been more proud. Things definitely were about to get interesting. This was Luke's first major relationship, and he couldn't help but wonder just how serious this truly was.

Luke was grateful that his parents agreed with his suggestion. It didn't take long for Noah to relax after that, and together they set the table for dinner. As promised Noah sat between Natalie and Luke, and chatted with Noah as if he were an old friend. Luke was very proud of his boyfriend for keeping up the chatter like a pro. No one would have ever guessed he was an only child if they had watched him with Natalie.

Noah, for his credit was trying hard not to be nervous. He had told Luke that they should do this, that he was ready for it and he was…or at least he had thought he was. He tried not to think about the possible ramifications as he talked to Luke's little sister. He had nothing to worry about right? Surely Luke's father wasn't a bad guy. He probably just wanted to get to know him better. HE just wanted to know a little more about the man his son was seeing. That seemed reasonable didn't it?

So why were his hands sweating like crazy? Why did he feel like he was on display and at any moment he would be discovered and called a fraud? The fact was that he was here, sitting with his boyfriend's family, yet he was still hiding from his own. He was scared to death of the reaction his father would have to this…and truthfully he wasn't looking forward to sharing it. He hoped that he wouldn't have to deal with his father for a very long time. At least not until he thought he was ready to tell him the truth.

"I think she like's you," Luke's voice drew him out of his thoughts. He looked at his boyfriend questioningly and tried to smile.

"I'm sorry?"

"Natalie," Luke said nodding towards his baby sister. Noah looked and was shocked to see that the youngest Snyder girl was still chattering and looking up at him adoringly. "She doesn't usually take to strangers so fast," Luke explained, but I can definitely see why she would take to you." Noah smiled, and would have said more if not for the tug on his shirt.

"Noah, will you come to dinner again?" Natalie asked excitedly.

"If your family will have me," he replied, smiling down at the little girl.

"Are you trying to steal my boyfriend, Nat?" Luke teased. Noah whipped his head around in time to see the grin on his lover's face as well as the gleam in his eyes. He loved seeing Luke this happy, and it gave him a sense of peace to know that it was because of him.

"No, but you need to learn how to share. Right Daddy?"

Noah's tried to hide the amusement he felt at that statement. Actually he didn't intend to share Luke with anyone, but he would make an exception for family. His eyes met Holden's and his relative calm seemed to slip away. The time was coming for them to talk…he wished to god he wasn't so nervous about that.

"Why don't you let Noah be for now, Nat and eat the rest of your carrots okay?" Holden said in answer to his daughter's query.

Noah was in awe. Never in his life had he seen a family sit around a table like this…well that wasn't completely true. He had seen this type of scene in old movies, and some of his neighbors in Branson had similar scenes too but this was the first time he could recall ever partaking in one. Luke's family was so nice to him and to each other. It was obvious how much they cared for one another. There was also a level of respect between the adults and the children. He knew his father loved him…but he was starting to question how well his father really knew him. It was becoming increasingly obvious to him that he didn't…and Noah wasn't sure if he really wanted to.

"You okay?" Luke's voice once more pulled him out of his reverie. He turned to his boyfriend, and was startled to realize that they were the only ones at the table. "Noah?" Luke questioned concern clear in his voice. "Talk to me baby," Luke's hand felt warm on his cheek and a smile crossed his lips. He nuzzled Luke's hand for a moment, enjoying the connection and the comfort for a moment.

"I'm okay, as long as I have you," he said after a moment. He took Luke's hand away from his cheek and kissed it. "Where did the rest of your family go?"

"Faith and Natalie are upstairs with Ethan," Luke explained. "Mom's waiting for` me in the living room, and my dad wants to talk to you. "Do you think you can handle that?"

"I'm not scared of your dad," he responded, though he wasn't quite certain how truthful that statement was. "I will be okay talking to him. You talk to your mom, and then I would like to take you out somewhere."

"Why Mr. Mayer, are you asking me out on a date?" Luke asked raising his eyebrow playfully.

"You gotta problem with that?" he replied playfully.

"Not at all," Luke said his tone soft. "I'll go with you anywhere." They shared a soft kiss before Luke pulled them both up and turned him towards the back of the house. "Dad's waiting for you there," he said giving him a gentle shove. "Just relax okay. And you know where I am if you need me."

Noah nodded, and watched sadly as Luke walked away from him. He jumped when he felt a hand on his shoulder and turned to find Holden standing in front of him. "I was on my way too you sir…I didn't mean to keep you waiting."

"That's okay, Son. Have a seat."

"Yes sir, Mr. Snyder sir," he said pulling out a chair and sitting with his hands in his lap. Holden pulled out a chair and turned it around so he could straddle it. Noah could feel those eyes taking him in, and it was making him even more nervous. He hoped Luke's father couldn't tell that he was shaking.

"Noah, you can relax," Holden told him. "This isn't the Spanish inquisition and you aren't on trial. Relax your shoulders and your spine before you hurt yourself."

Those words shocked him but he obeyed. Luke's father seemed so laid back…that was totally different from his own father. Where he came from, you always sat as if you were going to be inspected by the commanding officer. There was no room for sloppiness or laziness. Real men held their heads high and kept their shoulders straight.

"And you don't have to call me sir," Holden continued once Noah had relaxed. If you are comfortable calling me Mr. Snyder for now, that's fine. Eventually though, if you are going to be a part of Luke's life I wouldn't mind if you call me Holden."

Again he was surprise by the words but he nodded his assent. "I'll try, Mr. Snyder."

A smile crossed Holden's face, and Noah relaxed a little more. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad. a few moments of silence passed before the smile fell from Luke's father's lips and Noah held his breath. The pleasantries were over and now it was time to get down to business. "So you were dating Maddie, right?" Holden asked, and Noah wondered if Luke got his soft spoken voice from this man.

"Yes, sir…I mean Mr. Snyder. Maddie and I…well…I…" he didn't know how to explain it. How did you tell the father of your boyfriend that you were using someone to hide your sexuality because you were afraid of your own father's reaction?

"You aren't out yet…are you?" It was a simple question, and it still managed to take Noah off his guard even more.

"What?" he asked. It was the only thing he could think to say with those eyes staring at him so intensely.

"To your family," Holden clarified. "This is all new to you?"

"Yes sir…my father he's very traditional, you see." Noah could feel the beginnings of a ramble coming on but since he had been asked a direct question he felt the need to answer it. "He's a colonel in the army and he's very old school…very traditional. He would flip if he found out I was…I mean he would kill me and I know I shouldn't have dragged Maddie into it and you probably don't want me to drag Luke into it either but…"

"Noah," Holden called, wanting to stop the man before he overloaded. He could feel it coming, Noah's face was flushed and he was fidgeting in his seat. "It's alright, son. You are amongst family here."

"I just…" Noah started, taking a deep breath. It was becoming increasingly hot in the dining room and he needed some air. He felt a hand on his shoulder and found himself looking into the kind eyes of Luke's father. He didn't know how to deal with that show of affection. It wasn't something he was used to.

"If you need someone to talk to, Noah, come to me. I dealt with Luke coming out last year and I would be willing to help you."

He had to get out of there before he embarrassed himself in front of Luke's dad. Men weren't supposed to cry, but he felt like he could shed a million tears right now. What he wanted to do was wrap his arms around this man and share his feelings but that wasn't right either. His logical brain was arguing with his heart and he needed to escape before he did something stupid. He closed his eyes again and tried to breathe.

"I have to go," he said getting up and quickly moving away from Holden. He knocked the chair over in his haste and moved to pick it back up. He was moving so fast that he made the table jump when he pushed the chair in. A pate he didn't remember being there fell and splintered on the floor. Horrified, Noah backed up even further and turned to flee the room.

Luke waited patiently for his mom to speak. He knew she would start when she had all of her thoughts together in her mind. He wasn't really concerned about himself at the moment. He was more worried about Noah. Every few minutes he would glance in the direction where he knew his boyfriend was with Holden. He hoped his dad would be kind to him, and wouldn't ask him too many questions.

"So how did this happen, Luke?" his mother's voice drew his attention and he turned back to face her. "How did you and Noah become a couple?"

His mouth opened and he closed it again realizing he didn't know how to explain that to her. There had been a time when he told his mother everything. That time was quickly coming to an end though. He wasn't seven anymore, and there were some things one just did not share with their mother.

"Noah has finally decided to be himself," he said after a moment. He is finally ready to admitted to himself that he is gay…and he and I have been attracted to each other for a while now." There the truth without having to get into the nitty gritty. He liked that.

"So his relationship with Maddie is over?" Lily queried.

"Yes mom. We told her about our feelings today. I know the news hurt her, and I am going to do what I can to be there for her. You know how much I care about Mads."

Lily nodded as she watched her son. "Your father will be gentle with him, Luke."

"What?" he said turning to face her once more.

"Noah," Lily clarified. "You're worried about him, right?"

Luke sighed. There was no putting one over on his mom. She was too sharp. "This is his first time around a big family…I just don't want him to get overwhelmed. Dad can be intimidating you know."

"Are you happy sweetheart?" Lily asked, bringing her hand up to rest against her son's cheek. "I just want you to be happy, and I want to make sure you aren't rushing into anything."

"I'm in love with him, Mom," he said his voice ripe with sincerity. "He's just…he's so…He makes.." He stopped and shook his head. It was hard to put into words exactly why he loved Noah. He just did. "He's just Noah," he explained simply after a moment's pause. "It would mean a lot to me if you and Dad could be happy for me."

"Will you give us some time to get used to you having a boyfriend?" Lily asked her smile soft for her son. "I do believe that Noah is important to you. I would like to get to know him and I want to see you guys together. So have him over for dinner again. He already gets points for making you smile and getting Natalie to talk."

Luke nodded. "Thanks Mom. I knew I could count on you for support." No sooner were the words out of his mouth when he heard a crash from the next room. That was followed by a very terrified Noah who came sprinting through the room. "Noah," Luke called after his retreating back. His boyfriend either didn't hear him, or was ignoring him. He felt his heart sinking as he watched him disappear out the door.

For a long moment he could only sit there. He felt numb. What could have happened that scared him so much? Had he made a mistake bringing him there tonight? Maybe he shouldn't have let his dad be alone with him. He saw his dad come into the room, and noted that he looked concerned. His expression worried Luke, and he wanted to know what was going on.

"What happened," he exclaimed when his father was close enough. "What did you say to him? Why did he leave so fast? I have to go after him." He stood up quickly, wanting to…needing to go after Noah before he got too far.

"Luke wait," his dad said, resting a hand on his shoulder. "Maybe you should give him some time…"

"No," he cut his dad off midsentence and headed for the door. "I can't just let him go…I can't just lose him. I think he might need me."

Holden knew all too well that his son was not going to back down. He put an arm around Luke and led him towards the door. He felt the need to let Luke know that he cared for him very deeply. Seeing how emotionally challenged Noah was made him grateful for the relationship he had with Luke. HE wanted to make sure Luke knew he loved him.

"I'm very proud of you, son," he said once they stepped out onto the porch. "You are a strong man, and I am glad that you have found someone you want to spend your life with. I hope this works out for you. I just wanted to make sure you know I love you."

Luke hugged his dad for a long moment before letting go and stepping away. "I love you too dad, now I gotta go. I have to find Noah."

"You don't have to find me, I'm right here." He turned quickly and found his boyfriend sitting in the shadows of the porch. He turned to make sure Holden had gone inside before turning his attention on Noah.

"Come here," he said pulling him up and immediately taking him into his arms. The taller man held on tight, and nuzzled his face into Luke's shoulder. "Are you alright?" he asked after a long moment. He pulled back and took Noah's face in his hands. He looked so sad, and Luke's heart went out to him. "Okay, come on, we're going for a walk and you are going to talk to me."

Not giving Noah much choice, he led him off the porch and out into the early evening breeze. Luke let go of Noah's hand long enough to wrap his arms around his frame. "It's going to rain," he said looking up at the sky. "I can smell it in the air." He turned to face Noah, and started walking backwards. Noah's silence worried him, and it made him uncomfortable.

He could kick himself for feeling that way. He wished the doubts he had would just disappear. He trusted Noah, he loved him and he wanted to help him through whatever was bothering him. He couldn't do that if his boyfriend continued to close himself off. "Noah," he said stopping so fast that Noah almost collided with him. ""What's wrong? What happened back there? Are you okay?"

Noah sighed. He could hear the panic in Luke's voice, and he knew he needed to say something. He needed to reassure him, but how could he do that when he wasn't sure of things himself? How did he explain that he was so messed up inside? How did he even begin to voice those feelings he had kept caged up for so long? How could he do it, when revealing these things could cost him the only person who made him feel complete?

"Noah," he heard his lover's voice, so sad in his ears. At the same moment that he looked into those eyes, it started to rain. At any other time he would have cracked a smile at this. Since it seemed his wonderful boyfriend could also predict the weather at the drop of the hat. "You aren't trying to break up with me are you?"

The tone of his voice caught him off guard more than the words that were spoken. He could have kicked himself at that moment for his insensitivity. Hadn't he already hurt Luke enough?

He shook his head and drew closer to his boyfriend. The rain had already done a job on the younger boy's hair. It was matted to his head, and appeared darker than it really was. The dripping hair reminded Noah of another time he had seen Luke drenched over the summer. That memory was wrought with tension and a passion that at the time he dared not unleash.

"We need to talk," he said taking Luke's hand and leading him down the path.

They walked along silently, listening to the rain falling around them. Each man was lost in their own thoughts, almost afraid to break the spell that had been cast. There was something almost peaceful about walking through the rain like this.

Luke didn't want to speak first. He didn't want to seem impatient. He had waited this long for Noah to open up, he was sure he could wait a bit longer. There was much they needed to discuss; things that needed to be said on both sides. He wanted to address what happened earlier, but he couldn't not until he knew where things stood.

"I meant it when I said I wasn't letting you go," Noah's voice sounded loud to his ears, and he realized his boyfriend was trying to be heard over the rain. "I don't want to break up with you Luke…I don't want that word ever to be part of our history. It's just…"

"Just what," Luke said stopping. He turned to face Noah without letting go of his hand. He twined their fingers and looked into his eyes. His hair was matted to his forehead, and Luke longed to wipe the wet locks off his forehead. He too recalled the last time he had been this close to Noah while he was dripping wet. Those were pleasant memories. "Just say it Noah. I can't help unless you talk to me."

"I've told you what my dad is like," Noah replied wistfully. "That he's all strict and conservative. One of his favorite things to say was that real men don't cry." Luke didn't miss the fact that his boyfriend seemed to be on the verge of tears. He only nodded his assent and waited for Noah to continue. "He always reminds me that when I was two and he was going out into the field, that he told me to be the man of the house, take care of my mom, and he told me not to cry. And well, I guess I wanted to make him proud of me, Luke. I just wanted him to be proud…I wanted him to love me, and I know he does."

He could tell Noah was hurting, and he couldn't resist placing a hand on his cheek. He hoped it brought him some comfort. "Go on," he urged.

"Your family just welcomed me in, and your dad…he just offered me something I don't think my father ever has. He offered me someone to talk to if I needed it. He was really sincere, and he called me son. It sounds so different coming from your dad…like he's being nice to me when he barely knows me. My father…he loves me but he is so distant because that's what men are supposed to be like. And," Noah shook his head, as if he needed to fight off the tears Luke saw in his eyes.

"Noah, it's okay to cry," He said letting go of Noah's hand so he could cup the other cheek. "You don't have to hide your feelings from me. I love you, and I want to tell you all the reasons that I do. I want to share every emotion with you, the anger, the happiness, the sadness and the love. I'll show you how…just talk to me."

And with that the last bit off his resolve crumbled like a dam releasing what seemed to Luke like a flood of tears. Noah was visibly shaken and Luke felt those tears as they mingled with the rain. With his thumb he wiped away some of the moisture, wishing there was more he could do to wipe the look of pain off his boyfriend's face.

It made him angry to think of how much pain Noah's father must have caused him. It just didn't seem right to Luke, to force someone to keep their emotions hidden at all times. Masking them was one thing; he did that all the time…but to deliberately repress them? To Luke that seemed almost barbaric and he knew then and there that he didn't like Noah's father.

They were both soaking wet, and he knew they needed to get out of the rain, but he didn't want to move. He didn't know what he was waiting for, but he had a feeling that if he took one step than Noah would clam up again…and he didn't want that to happen. He would wait until Noah told him it was time to go.

"It was overwhelming, you know?" That deep voice so broken and it made Luke sad. He nodded, letting Noah know that he was listening. "Your dad just simply offered everything I wish I could get from my own father, and I don't know I freaked. I didn't want to do something stupid, and I didn't want to make him think I was unworthy of you. I didn't want to lose the chance to be a part of a family, your family."

Luke smiled, his thumbs gently wiping away the moisture that still streaked Noah's cheeks. He felt warm despite the cold rain that pelted down on both of them. It was amazing really just how much he adored the man who stood before him.

"Do you love me," he asked his voice soft and clear through the rain.

"I thought we already figured that part out," Noah said smiling through his freefalling tears.

"Noah," Luke repeated, "Do you love me?"

"Yes." Luke could hear the sincerity and the passion conveyed in that one single word and he fell even harder. "I love you more than I could possibly admit right now. There are so many reasons, Luke. So many reasons why I need you in my life, why I want…need you. I love you, Luke Snyder."

"And I love you more than words can express, Noah," he admitted, his fingers brushing over Noah's lips. "It's crazy really, just how connected I feel to you. We've known each other for such a short amount of time, and yet I feel like I have always known you. At the same time, I know there is a lot I need to learn about you and vice versa. I want to share my life with you, Noah and that includes my family. They will be yours too…and most importantly, I will be your family.

His gaze was intense as he stared into his lover's eyes. They stood like that for a moment, the rain falling, their clothes stuck to their skin and their eyes speaking the words they could not yet say. He felt Noah's arms slip around his waist and barely had a moment to think before their lips were crushed together. He couldn't remember ever feeling something like this. He now understood why rain was an aphrodisiac.

He was breathless when they broke apart, his forehead resting against Noah's as he too tried to catch his breath. "We better get out of the rain," he said once he could speak. "I don't want you to catch a cold."

As if on cue, Noah sneezed and Luke laughed before sneezing himself.

It was amazing to him just how effortless smiling was when he was with Luke. His tears were a thing of the past and all he could see was the amused look on his boyfriend's face.

"What were you saying about catching cold?" he asked, wiping away the excess moisture on his cheeks.

"Okay, so it's cold and rainy," Luke stated, with a shake of his head. "We need to get somewhere and get warmed up." He started to move forward, but Noah stayed grounded, pulling Luke back into his arms.

"I think I know how to warm you up," he said, sealing his words with a kiss

What was meant to be a small kiss in the rain, turned into much more within seconds. He wasn't sure what did it; the rain or the fact that he opened his heart to Luke, but suddenly he had a desperate need for the blonde boy he held in his arms. Somehow he knew it just had to be Luke and the pull of chemistry between them.

He licked along Luke's bottom lip until the blonde allowed him access to his mouth. He swept his tongue inside exploring it as if it were their first kiss. He slid his hands into the slippery blonde hair and ran his fingers through it before slightly tugging on it, forcing his boyfriend's head to tilt.

He was eager to have his mouth all over Luke, and he started showering his neck with soft kisses. He felt his lover's hands on his hips pulling him closer and he knew Luke was just as far gone as he was. It was even more evident when Luke's wet hands slipped under Noah's t-shirt, and he pressed cold fingers against Noah's chest. His lover's touch made him shiver, but what surprised him was it had nothing to do with being cold. IT was all about the heat.

"Ungh Noah-I want you"

Only Luke could make him lose control with just a few words. All he wanted to do was throw Luke down on the ground and make love to him until the sunset. But even in his passion induced state, he knew it was not possible here. They would have to wait. Luke's family was less than fifteen feet away-and they were standing outside in the pouring rain.

"Don't farms have like...back roads or somewhere we could take the truck and hide?" Noah asked before sucking on the spot behind Luke's ear making his boyfriend's knees buckle.

"Huh?"

"I said is there somewhere we can go"

It took his boyfriend a few seconds to realize he was being spoken to. But when he did, he didn't think it was important to answer with words. Luke grabbed either side of Noah's face and drew him down for yet another passionate kiss.

Noah could feel Luke's hands twisting themselves in his shirt and felt himself being pulled forward. They kept on like that, kissing in the rain while walking to god only knew where. The rain was beating down pretty hard by this point, and Noah was sure that its intensity was not even close to the passion between him and his boyfriend.

They stopped suddenly and Noah realized his boyfriend had backed up against the wall of a building that kinda looked like a barn. He didn't have time to analyze it though. Luke arched himself off the wall and molded his body to Noah's. He pulled Noah's tongue into his mouth and made tiny little flicking motions with his own tongue. Noah couldn't help but groan at the teasing and he grabbed Luke's hips and lifted him off the ground, pressing his back harder against the wall. Luke wrapped his legs around Noah's middle instantly and ground himself against him.

He was almost shocked by Luke's actions. He knew he was desperate for his lover's touch, but he didn't think the younger man had wanted him this badly.

Luke stopped kissing him long enough to trail his mouth over the brunette's ear.

"I've wanted you inside me since this morning…please don't make me wait any longer Noah. Please make love to me."

For the first time in his life Noah literally growled and grabbed Luke's hips.

"Come on go inside that door…right here." Luke wiggled until Noah set him back on the ground. He grabbed Noah's hand and walked to the back of the barn and opened the door.

"Wait, Luke," Noah said stopping him. "What is this? Won't someone come find us?"

"It's our hayloft. No one will look for us in here. Come on."

He opened the door and pulled Noah inside. Noah's first reaction was DARK. It was so dark inside the building that he couldn't even see the object of his affection. He could only feel his hand in his. He was letting Luke lead the way as they walked. He hoped his boyfriend knew this place well enough to get around in the dark.

He was just walking along when he stubbed his toe and cursed aloud..

"Shhhhh, Luke cautioned. "Come on, it's just a ladder. Climb up with me."

Luke must have sensed Noah's hesitation for he turned to look at him. "C'mon, you trust me…right?

And Dammit, Noah did. He trusted Luke so much that he followed him the rest of the way into the darkness. They climbed up the ladder and soon enough he found his feet on solid ground again. It was still dark as they walked and when Luke stopped suddenly, Noah ran right into his back. He should have jumped back and apologized for running into the smaller man, but all he could feel was Luke…his warmth and that delicious assed pressed into his groin.

He grabbed Luke's hips and pulled the man back against him. He tipped his head and began sucking on Luke's neck, deliberately trying to leave his mark. His lover threw his head back against Noah's shoulder and moaned low in his throat. Noah couldn't help but push his erection harder into Luke.

"Noah, I can feel it…how much you want me," Luke gasped as he reached his hands back to grab onto Noah's hip. He pushed himself back harder onto the brunette's bulge.

"Baby I…I want you all the time." Noah's tone was husky as he continued grinding himself against Luke's backside. His right hand slid from Luke's hip and ventured lower on the younger man's jeans. His hand traveled over smooth denim until his fingers slid slightly over his boyfriend's hard cock. He cupped Luke through his pants and loved the way his lover unconsciously whimpered.

Using the heel of his hand, Noah started a slow motion of pressing against and easing off the hardness under his touch. His left hand left Luke's hip and moved to the button on his jeans. Singlehandedly he managed to undo the button and the zipper. Both hands moved back to Luke's hips and began pushing the garment from the small frame of his boyfriend's body.

Luke was trying to help get his jeans off without his hands ever moving from Noah's hips. He wiggled his bottom in an effort to speed up the process but the motion only served to put more friction against Noah's cock. The older man had to pause his motions long enough to moan.  
Finally the jeans slid down to Luke's ankles and the younger man leaned against Noah's strong chest to remove them.

Luke turned around in Noah's arms and reached up to pull Noah's head down for a kiss. It was a short one, much to Noah's dismay, and then he felt Luke pulling away from him.

"Stay put," his lover said and Noah heard him walk away. He missed the warmth immediately, and he shivered. This time it was definitely about the cold.

Mere minutes later he heard a noise a few feet ahead of him, and then there was light. He could see Luke in all his gory…having somewhere lost his shirt, standing at a lantern. There were piles of hay all around him, but his gaze was on Luke who had a mischievous glint in his eye as he carried the lantern closer, placing it on the floor, a few feet from a bale of hay. He watched as Luke then climbed onto the hay pile and stretched his arms out for Noah to join him.

Angelic; that was the only word Noah's mind could come up with to describe Luke at that moment. Bathed in the warm glow of the lantern-blonde hair a shimmer. How did he get so lucky?

He walked slowly over to wher his farm-boy was perched on the haypile. His eyes were glued to Luke's lust filled orbs. His entire body shaking with the anticipation of getting near Luke's again. He bent down on his knees at Luke's side, running his hand lightly over Luke's cheek as he watched the slow smile creep up his boyfriends face.

"You're so gorgeous Luke," He breathed. "You're the most gorgeous person I've ever known. I wanna know every part of you. Everything about you is perfect...your lips are so pouty." He leaned in and kissed Luke's mouth; a slow kiss just carefully touching his lips. Noah shifted his head a little and nibbled just a bit on Luke's lower lip. He slipped his tongue inside Luke's panting mouth and swept over the others tongue. Both men moaned at the feel of the kiss-and Luke slipped his hands into Noah's hair as he began to kiss him harder. Luke arched his upper body off the hay and closer to Noah's body. Too soon Noah broke the kiss and stared into Luke's eyes.

His hands traveled down to skim over Luke's throat as he started to speak again. "Your neck is so sensitive. You have no idea how much it turns me on when you whimper when I kiss that certain spot on your neck." and Noah began to shower Luke's neck with small kisses. He bit down right above Luke's collarbone and savored the whimper he got as a reward.

Slowly he eased himself from the ground and onto the haystack-hovering above his golden boy. Luke grabbed his shirt and lifted it over his head. He felt Luke's hands at his belt and grabbed a hold of them.

"Not yet Luke- This is about you. I know I can say I love you. But I wanna show you-how in love I am with every single thing about you Luke Snyder."

His fingers traced over the shell of Luke's ear. "I love your ears. They are so small and so perfect. I love running my fingers through your hair and then tracing over your ears. It makes you hard every time. I know-I look" and Noah took Luke's earlobe in his mouth and bit down gently. He then traced the entire shell of Luke's ear with his tongue eliciting a moan from the man underneath him. He could feel Luke's hands on his hips pulling him down completely until their bodies almost touched.

Noah moved himself lower on Luke's body. He placed a soft kiss over Luke's heart and leaned his head down onto the boy's chest and listened to the heart beat. "I love your heart. The way you love me-and why you love me amazes me. I was horrible to you-and you waited on me. I can see it when I look in your eyes , or have my head on your chest that your heart beats only for me."

Noah moved his hands down to Luke's hip and circled the hip bones with the pads of his fingers. The sensation made Luke's entire body twitch beneath his touch. "I love your hips-the way they move in perfect unison with mine when we're making love. It's like out hips have a language all their own and it only further shows me that we were made for each other." Noah leaned down to the right hip and licked a trail from there over to the light fuzz that made up Luke's happy trail.

Noah trailed kisses down Luke's happy trail-listening to Luke's breath hitch. He stopped with his mouth just barely hovering over his boys beautiful cock. He looked up at his lover and his own cock jumped in his pants. The blonde had his eyes closed-and his mouth hung open panting. "Look at me Luciano" Noah growled and Luke complied immediately-hitting Noah with a look so full of force that it took his breath.

His hands remained on Luke's hip-and he put a small pressure on them-pushing the boy's hips harder into the hay. "I love your cock. I used to dream about what your cock would be like. Used to imagine how it felt in my hands-how it would taste..." and Noah swiped his tongue at the precum coming out of the tip. "Even my wildest fantasies don't compare to how amazing you taste.

"Noah took all of Luke's erection into his mouth and sucked. Luke's reaction was instant. He grabbed two fistfuls of Noah's hair and tugged. His feet were dangling at Noah's side and Noah felt the toes on both feet curl up. Noah slowly pulled his head up-his tongue pressed against the underside of Luke's cock as he made his way back to the head. Noah swirled his tongue around the head and stuck his tongue into the slit.

"Fuck Noh..."

"Shhhh" and Noah removed his mouth from Luke's cock. He looked up at his boyfriend and studied his face. Noah was nervous about his next move-wasn't sure how the blonde would take to the idea of it. But his own mouth watered at the mere idea.

Noah moved his hands down to Luke's ass-and took pleasure in the ease at which his boyfriend arched up for him. His finger drew a line down his boyfriends crack to the quivering hole that was waiting on him. Luke was a panting mess and Noah was too. Noah slowly circled his boyfriend's entrance-and Luke tried to press down-doing everything he could to try and get that finger inside him-but Noah didn't let it happen.

"I love your ass. Even before we got together-before I admitted what...who I was-I noticed your ass. It's perfect and firm and every time I see you in jeans-I just want to grab it. And when we make love-its so tight-so perfect. It feels like it was created especially for my cock...for me to be inside. "

Luke was a mess. His entire body was shaking around Noah-and he hadn't uttered one actual word in minutes. Noah lifted his body off the haystack almost completely. His upper body still remained on the hay. He lowered his face and placed a chaste kiss on Luke's opening.

"Oh FUCK...what are you doing Noah" and Noah watched Luke dig his hands into the hay. Luke wasn't stopping him-so maybe this was ok?

"Something I've wanted to do since I met you" and Noah licked from under his boys testicles a hot trail to the entrance again. He flicked his tongue around the entrance getting a feel for what the taste might be like. Luke was making noises Noah had never heard before-they bordered on actual keening. Noah had to press his hands harder on Luke's hips to stop the boy from wriggling his bottom.

He couldn't hold back any longer. He wanted to know what it felt like to do this-he wanted to know if Luke liked it-he wanted to pleasure Luke in ways the boy never before thought of. Noah pushed his tongue inside the boy's entrance. Immediately Luke arched as much as he could closer to Noah's mouth and let out a scream that could be heard throughout the loft.

"O...ooooo...oh my god...N-n-n-oah dont fucking stop."

Noah didn't plan to. He had been thinking about doing this for a while-and it was better then he thought. He couldn't get enough of the taste of Luke. He grabbed the blonde's legs and put them over his shoulder to give himself a better angle. He pushed his tongue back inside Luke's entrance and out again. Luke's head dropped to the hay beneath him and he groaned. This was having an effect on Noah as well. He loved seeing that he could give the one he loved so much pleasure. Noah could come just from having his tongue inside his boy-just from listening to Luke's moans and pleas.

"Noah...please...no...please. One more second of that and I'm going to come-and I don't want to come until you're inside me. Please Noah. Oh My God I love you...you're so..." Luke rambled. Noah thought it was the most erotic thing he ever heard. He pushed his tongue inside Luke once more hard and swirled it around once before quickly standing up.

He quickly removed his jeans and boxers. He was actually surprised that the pants hadn't busted open. He had never been so hard-needed someone so much in his entire life. Noah laid himself out on Luke and Luke instantly grabbed his head and brought him down for a kiss that took Noah's breath away. It seemed like the younger man was trying to do everything all at once-his tongue was inside Noah's mouth-and his hands grabbed any piece of flesh they could grasp.

Noah watched as Luke brought his hand to his mouth and licked his palm. There was something about watching Luke get him ready to be inside him-that really turned Noah on. Luke lowered his hands to Noah's hard as steel cock and moved his hand up and down on it to get it as slippery as possible.

"Come on NOah...Now...I want you in me now...no more teasing"

Noah pushed all the way into Luke and cursed himself for being too close to the edge this early. But by the look on Luke's face-he determined he might not be the only one that wasn't able to last long. Noah was careful not to hurt him-knowing the makeshift lube was hardly slippery enough.

Noah kissed his lover as he withdrew and pushed back in.

"God Baby I love you so fucking much- I love being inside you Luke-it feels like coming home-like its where I belong."

His Boyfriend's eyes rolled into the back his head and when Noah pushed himself back in Luke-hitting the younger mans prostate-Luke let out a high-pitched yelp and came fast-his fingers digging into Noah's shoulders.

Noah tried to wait it out-but with Luke's orgasm making the muscles in his body tighten-he couldn't hold himself back any longer. He thrust one more time hard into his boyfriend-and went rigid as he came inside Luke's body.

Noah collapsed on Luke's chest and Luke immediately grabbed the man in his arms.

"I love you Noah-Every part of me that you love-loves you. Without you...I don't ever wanna be without you...I was made especially for you Noah-I can feel it."

"I love you too Luke" and Noah pressed a soft kiss to Luke's lips before placing his head back onto his lovers chest to try and catch his breath.


	6. Chapter 6

"Noah…you're a mess," He thought to himself as he ran around his apartment. There was so much to do and yet he felt as if nothing had been accomplished. Everything seemed to be going wrong. He had managed to set off the smoke detectors more times than he could count, and he burned dinner; not once…not even just twice, but three times. The blackened food was discarded along with the tablecloth he scorched when he knocked over the scented candles he lit to mask the horrific smell.

The disasters didn't stop there. Somehow every liquid in his refrigerator ended up on the kitchen floor. He managed to turn over a whole bucket of water while he attempted to clean up the sticky mess, and then realized that he needed to run out to get ice. If that weren't enough he managed to slip as he got out the shower, falling flat on his ass, and he cut his face while he was shaving. This was not typical behavior for one Noah Mayer. In fact there was only one word to describe this craziness…he was nervous.

Today was an important day, and tonight had to be special. It had to be just right; Luke deserved perfection and he wanted to give his blonde boy that. A month ago Luke had given him the most precious of gifts and he was sure there was nothing he could do to fully repay him for that. This past month was the best of his entire existence. Never had he experienced anything close to the joy he felt with his lover.

When they couldn't be together they talked on the phone. When they weren't on the phone, Noah was thinking about him. Sometimes he felt like a little schoolgirl giggling over her first crush, but he didn't really care. He wasn't worried about how silly he seemed, it didn't matter if it he got to have Luke.

Every moment with his Luciano was a memory he never wanted to fade. Laughing, snuggling, making love or even fighting with Luke was exhilarating. He didn't know if Luke could completely understand just how much it meant to him that he was here. Luke was slowly helping him understand that someone could actually love him…the REAL him, not the person he tried to be to make other people happy. That wasn't to say he didn't have demons in his closet, monsters he still needed to face…who didn't? But thanks to Luke he was able to keep the darkness at bay. In short Noah was head over heels in love...or whipped depending on which of the boys you asked.

Everything had to be perfect, for him but especially for Luke. His boyfriend didn't deserve anything less. He just hoped it would be enough…that in the end he was enough to make Luke happy.

It was 3pm before he was able to step back and take a look at his handiwork. The apartment resembled a scene right out of the old movies he loved to watch. There were candles scattered around the apartment, and when they were lit they would give off a romantic glow. Rose petals covered the floor in a trail from the door to a gathering of blankets and pillows in the center of the room, and he finally had a handle on dinner. He had to admit he had done a decent job, he only hoped Luke would like it.

Just thinking about his boyfriend's reaction was enough to bring the nervousness back. He knew it was silly, and he knew his father would probably throw a fit if he knew his son was being mushy…but he wasn't going to think about that now. His father was not going to be a third person at the table…not tonight. This evening was about him and Luke.

He glanced around the room once more before going to start on dinner. He couldn't help but think that his father would have a heart attack if he knew that his son was putting on an apron. He didn't dwell on that fact though. He needed to cover up his tux, lopsided tie and all. With all the disasters he didn't want to risk something getting on his clothes before Luke saw him.

He was just about to taste the sauce when the familiar strains of "I'll Be" filled the room. He wiped his hands on a hand towel and reached for his phone.

"Hello Love of my Life," he greeted happily as he switched his phone from the left ear to the right.

"Hello, Dork," Luke said chuckling. "I miss you."

"I miss you too, Luke," Noah replied with a sigh.

"Is it time for me to come over yet?" Luke asked the smile evident in his voice.

"Not yet!" Noah exclaimed. "I told you not until six Luciano!" he wasn't able to keep the smile out of his voice either. "Besides, one of us has to work today."

Luke laughed. "So what is this anniversary surprise," he pried.

"Oh, today's our Anniversary," Noah feigned ignorance. "I didn't know."

"Haha very funny, Mayer. Seriously though, you've obviously put a lot of thought into this."

Noah tried hard not to laugh. His boyfriend was adorable when he was trying to pry."Okay Snyder," he relented finally, "you caught me. I was thinking that after you got here we could go down to the farm and sneak into the hayloft again, and…"

"Only if it's your ass on the bottom this time," Luke exclaimed. He was trying very hard to be serious. He had plenty of scratches for days after their romp in the hay. "I'm not letting that hay touch me ever again. "I'm still recovering from the last time!"

"I've been helping with that recovery," Noah reminded him with a sigh. "Don't you want me to kiss the booboos and make them all better?"

"Noah," Luke laughed again. "You know you're hot when you pout. But you shouldn't do it when I can't come over to give you what you want. Not for another two and a half hours at least."

"You're terrible," Noah said, the moan escaping his lips even before he realized it would. "Why can't you come over now?"

"Because you wanted to surprise me," Luke replied, looking up when he heard the door open. He smiled and motioned for Randy to come in and close the door. "I'll be counting down the minutes until I can see that smile."

"How do you know I'm smiling?"

"I can hear it, Noah. You know I love your voice."

"And I love you. You should get back to work," He said after a pause. The hours will pass quicker that way."

"Yeah, I better go," Luke sighed reluctantly. "You behave yourself until I get there."

The sound of Noah's laughter was the last thing he heard as he closed his phone and turned his attention to Randy. "It's about time you got here. What took you so long?"

"The Boss asked for my help," Randy explained with a smile. "I got here with this, as quickly as I could." He said holding up the camera.

"Yeah whatever," Luke said as the phone in his hand begin to vibrate. He flipped it open and pushed the button to read Noah's message.

"So did you want to hang out today? Maybe you could give me another riding lesson?" 

"I can't," he said closing the phone and placing it back in his pocket. He took the camera Randy held in his hand and placed it on the table, fiddling with it as he continued. "Today is our anniversary, and Noah wants me to come over to his place. I have no idea what he has planned." 

"I can't believe you two have been together for a month." 

"I know, I can hardly believe it myself." He smiled and turned to his friend. "We've come a long way since this summer, and things couldn't be better." 

"Well, I'm glad you are happy…for now," Randy replied coming to stand behind Luke. 

"What's that supposed to mean," Luke asked even as he moved to the side so he could reach for the script they would be using. "You aren't still thinking that we aren't going to last are you?" 

"It's in the statistics Luke," Randy said with a shrug. "Besides, Noah was cheating on Maddie. Who's to say he wouldn't do the same to you. You can't blame me for being concerned." 

"That was different," He said quickly turning to face his friend. This wasn't the first time he had tried to explain Noah's behavior prior to them getting together."

"How?" Randy asked a thoughtful frown crossing his lips. His eyebrows were knit together in that way that clearly said I'm not buying this.

"Noah wasn't cheating on Maddie, Luke replied, "If anything he was fighting his attraction to me, trying to convince himself he was straight." 

"Hurting you and Maddie in the process," Randy replied, shrugging again. 

Luke sighed. "Yes he did hurt me, and we hurt Maddie. He's complicated, okay. He knows what he did was wrong. But you don't understand, Noah is one of the sweetest people I have ever known. He just has a lot of issues and well it's just complicated." 

"Whatever, Luke," Randy smiled. "I'll be here when things fall apart." 

"You are terrible," he mumbled as he went back to fiddling with the camera. He wasn't going to let Randy's negativity get him down, not today. "Are you ready to help me out here or what?" 

"What are we doing exactly? And why did you ask me instead of asking Maddie?" 

"You are going to help me with my Christmas gift for Noah," He explained as he checked the settings on the camera, wanting them to be just right. "I know Maddie is supportive of our relationship, but I also know she's still hurt by the way things turned out. Involving her in this would be like putting salt on an open wound. I refuse to do that to her. Besides," he said handing Randy the fixed camera, "you are the one who needs the practice so here." 

He was very excited about this surprise and he hoped Noah would appreciate it, and understand it. It would mean keeping a secret from him for a couple of months but the pay off would be worth it…at least he hoped so. Noah had specifically asked him once how attraction had become love and even more than that when had the attraction started. In Luke's mind the only way to answer that question was to reveal to Noah that he and he alone had been the inspiration for Invisible Girl. 

"Wow, you are very good on camera," Randy said when the scene completed. "You sure you don't want to forget the writing and become an actor." 

Luke smiled shyly and moved to take the camera so he could review what was shot. It was weird to hear his own words come out of his mouth. He could remember when this idea came to him; when those first words hit paper. It was the day his hand touched Noah's as they picked up video tapes. 

"You sure I can't convince you to hang out tonight?" Randy's voice broke into his thoughts. "I'll buy you a beer and we can catch a movie." 

"I don't drink," Luke replied swiftly. And I already told you I have plans. In fact I have to go get ready for my date with Noah. I didn't realize it was so late." Time had indeed flown by as they worked on the project. He had promised Noah he would be over by 6. It was already 4:30 which didn't give him much time. He certainly didn't want to be late.

"You can't blame a guy for trying," Randy said with a wink. 

"You know a good friend would be supportive of his friend's relationship with his partner. You should work on that." He moved past Randy to put the equipment away and then slipped his bag on his shoulder. "I'll catch you later, and rain-check on the movie okay?" 

Randy nodded, and Luke allowed a smile to settle on his lips. He really was glad that Randy was his friend. It gave him someone to talk to when he got excited about things happening with Noah. He talked to Maddie as well, but he knew his best friend well enough to know that she wasn't completely ready to play relationship counselor to him and Noah. The way he figured it she shouldn't have to.

As he left the studio he allowed his thoughts to slip to his boyfriend. He couldn't begin to imagine what Noah was planning. He had sounded so secretive on the phone…that is until he started the flirting game Randy had walked in on. Thinking about that reminded him once more of their time in the hayloft. It had taken him days…weeks even to recover from the pricks and scratches caused by the hay. None of that had mattered that evening though. That night was just about him and Noah giving in to the need…the hunger both of them felt. Despite his teasing about it, and the later discomfort there wasn't anything he would have changed about the experience. One thing was for sure though; if they did it again it would be Noah who felt the needle stings. 

A car horn blasted in his ears bringing him out of his thoughts. The fact that he was sitting at a green light amused him and he burst out laughing. The driver behind him honked the horn again and he put his foot on the pedal and made his car move forward. Only Noah had the ability to make him space out so much. And right now there was nothing he'd change about that either.

Noah had just turned the stove off when he heard a knock on the door. He glanced at clock on the wall and grinned. Trying not to appear too excited, he wiped his hands on a hand towel and checked once more to see if everything was in place. The candles were glowing, the table was set and the rose petals were still in place. He slipped his hand in the pocket of his tux, wanting to make sure the satin box was still in place. Once he was satisfied that everything was perfect he went to answer the door.

For a moment he was lost as he looked at the man standing on his doorstep. His blonde boy was looking particularly hot in his tux with his over coat swung over his shoulder. He had a defiant look on his face, and all Noah wanted to do was kiss it away.

""Hi," he greeted stepping closer to his boyfriend.

Noah closed the distance between them and kissed him as he had wanted to do all day.

"You know you probably shouldn't be kissing me in your doorway," Luke's voice was breathless and his eyes half closed as he looked up into those eyes he adored.

"You're fifteen minutes early," Noah whispered in his ear.

"What can I say," Luke replied pressing himself against Noah as he tried to push him inside. "I don't follow rules well. "By the way you look fucking sexy in an apron."

Noah grinned and kissed him one more time before pulling him inside. He got a great sense of satisfaction from his boyfriend's reaction to the room. "You like," he said coming up behind Luke and placing his arms around his waist.

Luke's hands came up to rest on top of Noah's and he happily leaned into the embrace. "Happy anniversary," he said in that sexy voice Noah loved. "You didn't have to go through all this trouble though, baby. I would have been satisfied with watching a movie with you. I probably would have been watching you more than the movie, though.

Noah turned the blonde boy around and kissed him softly. "We can watch movies any night, Luke. We can only celebrate our first month together once. And I wanted to do all of this," He gestured around the room, "for you, because…you're special to me. And I don't know how else to repay you for…"

A finger touched his lips and he saw his boyfriend shaking his head. "You don't have to repay me for anything, Noah. I don't want you to feel like you owe me anything."

He kissed that finger, and took it into his mouth for a moment, loving the reactions he was getting from Luke. Reluctantly he took a hold of Luke's hand and linked their fingers together. "Thank you."

Luke lazily allowed his slick finger to rub against Noah's hand. "You don't have to thank me for loving you, Noah. I do it because I do." They shared a soft kiss before he smiled and moved further into the room, pulling Noah with him.

"So do you think the apron makes a fashion statement?" Noah asked as he placed a plate of pasta before Luke.

"Model it for me," Luke said a wicked smile playing on his lips.

Noah laughed but placed his hands on his hips and did his best impression of a model on the runway, twirl and all.

"Yes, definitely sexy," Luke said clapping his hands, but I think you'd look even sexier with it off."

"Why do I get the feeling," Noah said as Luke stood and came near him, "That you want to remove more than just this apron."

His boyfriend didn't answer him. Instead he just reached behind him and untied the garment and removed it, revealing the tuxedo it was hiding.

"IF I spill food on my clothes," Noah started, but he was silenced by Luke's finger.

"Your tie is crooked," the younger man stated, his hands moving to expertly fix offending garment.

There was desire in his eyes as he watched his lover readjust his tie. A force like a magnet pulled him forward and before he knew it his lips were dancing with Luke's in a moment reminiscent of their first kiss.

"The food is going to get cold," he mumbled as he felt Luke pull away.

"Then we should eat," Luke said pulling him to the table and trying to get him to sit down.

"No, wait," he said shaking out of his daze. He took Luke's hands into his own and gazed lovingly at him.; "I'm serving you tonight, Luciano. You have a seat, I will get my plate and bring us something to drink. I just hope that you will still have room for dessert as well." The look on Luke's face made him chuckle and he leaned in to whisper in his lover's ear. "I'm talking about actual food, Luciano. You should get yoru mind out of the gutter.

Noah made Luke sit down, and pushed in his chair before returning to the kitchen for his plate and two wine glasses. He could feel Luke's eyes on him as he once again went to the kitchen to retrieve the chilled bottle of wine his father had given him back when he planned to live with Maddie. The Col had insisted on it even though Noah had declined. Noah could remember him clearly saying, 'every man should have at least one bottle of wine in his home, Noah. It's part of being sophisticated." Well this was a special occasion and he couldn't think of anyone better to share it with the man he loved.

IT didn't go unnoticed by Noah how silent his boyfriend was as he poured the wine, and then turned on the music. In fact Luke looked downright sad and it made Noah frown. He began to panic wondering if he had done something wrong. Maybe the noodles were overcooked, or the sauce was bitter? But that couldn't be it for Luke hadn't touched his food yet. And Noah knew he liked pasta. He had asked Mrs. Snyder specifically for Luke's favorite food and she had graciously given him the recipe for the pasta and the sauce!

*Is the food okay," He asked, the words slipping out before he could stop them.; He had desperately wanted to make this evening special, yet somehow he had ruined it.

"What?" Luke asked, sounded distracted. He looked away from the glass of wine and faced his boyfriend head on. "What's wrong?" he asked alarmed. "Why do you look so scared?"

"I made you sad," Noah said lowering his head. "I'm sorry, Luke I tried hard to get it right, but I guess I…"

"Noah," Luke said interrupting him midsentence. "Look at me." Noah lifted his head and found the loving eyes of his boyfriend gazing back at him. There was no shame, no disgust or anything in that gaze. Unfortunately that only confused him, more. "What's wrong?"

Luke's voice was like a balm, soothing away some of the pain he was feeling. It was funny how that worked. Sometimes he didn't even know why these things happened to him. "I wanted everything to be perfect," he confessed with a sigh. "Your mom helped me with the recipe, she told me you love pasta and that you are a romantic at heart. I'm sorry Luke I just wanted tonight to be special for you, but somehow I have managed to upset you and once I figure out how I did that, I'll make it up to you."

Luke sighed, his expression grave as he reached out for his boyfriend's hand. "Noah, this is one of the happiest moments of my life. I can't imagine being anywhere else but here in this moment…and you did make it special. This is wonderful, and I can't wait to try out that pile of blankets over there."

A smile ever so briefly crossed his lips and Luke squeezed his hand. It was a fleeting glimpse but at the moment, Luke would do anything to assure himself that the man who had answered the door was still there somewhere. "Then why do you look so sad, Luke?"

"I was thinking," Luke admitted his voice soft. He never lost eye contact with Noah though. IT was important for this moment that he didn't look away.

"About us?" Noah asked, the fear still evident in his voice and his eyes. Luke would do anything to make that fear go away…he would do anything.

"Yes, Noah, about us. But not for the reasons that you think. He was silent for a moment, his thumb rubbing Noah's hand as he tried to put his thoughts in order. This wasn't exactly an easy story to delve into, and he wasn't quite sure where to start. For Noah's sake he needed to say something because his boyfriend needed to understand. He needed to know that…

He felt Noah's hand pulling away from him, and he held on tightly. He did not want to lose this connection they had. He was sure Noah didn't realize just how much he needed him.

"Don't pull away from me, please Noah. I need you to listen." Noah stopped pulling and Luke kissed his hand before taking it into both of his. For the moment food was forgotten, it was the last thing on either of their minds. "You know how you kept saying this summer that I had it easy? That I had no idea what this was like for you?" He waited for an acknowledging nod before he continued. He just hoped that when this story was over, they'd still get to enjoy the evening Noah had put together.

"I was thinking," He started after another long moment of silence. "That here we are celebrating one month of being together, yet there are some major things you don't know about me. These are things you should know, and I don't know maybe you will realize how important you are to me…how important this is."

It was the sad tone of the words that caught Noah's attention. His gaze never strayed fromn Luke's and he waited intently to hear his lover's story.

"Before I met you," Luke said finally ready to get to the actual story, :"I…my life…it was a mess…I was a mess. I was in the closet, lying to my parents…to everyone and I was self destructive. I was dealing with so much back then…and then I got sick, and I almost died."

Noah was horrified. He couldn't even begin t imagine a world without Luke in it. "You were sick?" He asked. How? Are you still sick now?"

Luke closed his eyes briefly to fight of the wave of tears that wanted to fall. Noah's compassion touched him deeply. It was one of the many reasons why he loved him so. "I had to have a kidney transplant," he explained. That year I was my parents' Christmas miracle. They were just glad I was alive…which I was. I just wasn't very happy. So I drank…with Kevin."

Noah just nodded as he listened. He remembered Luke mentioning Kevin, his former friend to him. He was slowly starting to understand why Luke was frowning though.

"I didn't take good care of myself, Noah," he continued after another moment. "I drank to hide my pain. I lied to Mom and Dad over and over again and even ended up in the hospital again because I was under a lot of stress. Let me tell you, I hate hospitals." He sighed and shook his head, falling silent for the briefest of moments. " In any case, thanks to Will I finally came out to my family. My dad, he had figured it out, he was just waiting for me to tell him. Mom had a harder time with it. And I can admit that during that time I did some things I wasn't proud of. "I've been sober for about a year now," he continued his thumb making circles on Noah's hand. "Things were a little crazy, and I didn't actually have the honor of outing myself to everyone. "I guess in the long run that was okay, but I was lonely, Noah, and so afraid that was how I would be for the rest of my life."

"Luke…I…" Noah trailed off, not really sure what to say to all he was hearing. Somehow he didn't think apologizing was what Luke needed him to do right now.

"I'm sorry, Noah," Luke said, his voice soft as he finally broke eye contact. He realized that he didn't want to see the pain in Noah's eyes. He didn't think he could bear it.

"For What," Noah asked, seemingly more confused than he had been moments before.

"For not being the perfect man you seem to think I am."

For the longest time he just sat there, trying to process all that Luke had said. He knew his boyfriend was waiting for a response. The little voice in his head was telling him that he needed to say something, and fast. No matter how surprised he was, no matter how confusing this was to him he needed to put Luke first. Luke needed his reassurance, Luke needed his support…Luke needed him.

Without breaking eye contact, he moved. He only had one goal, to get to Luke…it was all that mattered. In his haste he knocked over a glass, but even that didn't deter his movement. He held tight to Luke's hand, wanting to keep that connection as well, needed to for Luke's sake. When he reached his boyfriend he immediately pulled him into his arms and held on tight.

He felt Luke's arms go around his waist, and the younger man rested his head on Noah's shoulder. Noah could feel him shaking, could feel the pain that was making his body tense up. He wanted to say something to make the pain go away. He wanted to do for Luke what he had done for him that night in the rain. When he felt the wetness against his shirt he knew it was time. Silence wasn't going to work anymore.

"Nothing changes, Luke," he whispered. "If anything, I love you more in this moment than I did ten minutes ago. And to me, you'll always be perfect in my eyes. Thank you for sharing that with me." He felt Luke's arms tighten around him, and his whole body shook as a sob escaped his lips. Noah let his head fall on top of Luke's and he held him just like that.

Noah was just reaching for a hand towel when he felt a pair of arms around his waist. "Are you feeling better?"

Luke rested his head against Noah's back and sighed. "I didn't ruin our evening too much did I?"

Noah turned so that he was facing Luke and pulled him close. "That sounds like my line. I was so scared that I had screwed something up. I just wanted today to be special for you."

"For us," Luke corrected him. "I know you wanted it to be special, I didn't mean to be such a downer. It's just…you wanted to know why I was sad and, I didn't know how to tell you without making you feel bad for bringing the wine…"

He was silenced with a kiss that took more than just his words away. Noah deepened the kiss ever so slightly, pulling Luke as close as he could get him. He loved exploring his farmboy's mouth, and he loved to shut him up. Sometimes Luke could talk enough for the both of them.

"Is that your way of saying the fun's just starting," Luke asked in that husky voice Noah adored.

"Did you enjoy dinner?" Noah asked smiling down at him.

"It was delicious. And I can't wait for dessert."

"Noah chuckled. "Someone's eager tonight." He teased.

"I don't care what we do, Noah. I just love being here with you. Tonight has already been special to me. I hope you know that. And I hope we can have more nights like this."

"That's what I want too," Noah said leaning in to kiss Luke softly on the lips. He pulled out of the embrace moments later and took Luke's hand. "It's time to exchange gifts, and share a Root Beer float. Does that sound good to you?"

"I think that would be nice."

"Luke there's something I wanted to ask you," Noah said reaching into his pocket. They had settled down on the blankets in the living room. The empty float glass had been set to the side and Luke was pulling a creamy envelope out of his suit jacket.

"You can ask me anything, Noah."

"Well," Noah started. He shifted positions so that he was facing Luke and held the satin box out to him. "I'm not as good with words as you are, and I think the question will be clear if you just open this. I have been thinking about it for a while and I want what you want. I want to be able to have more days like this…more nights where I can fall asleep with you in my arms. I want to wake up with you every morning. I…I want to whisper to you in the dark when I can't sleep. I want to be with you all the time because I miss you when you're gone."

As he spoke he placed the box in Luke's outstretched hand. Luke for his credit was awestruck at the words coming from his boyfriend's mouth.

"That has to be the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me," he admitted as he fingered the box lovingly.

Noah waited with baited breath as he opened the box and let out a gasp. There resting neatly on top of the velvet was a single gold key.

"Oh, Noah," Luke said lifting the key out of the box and clasping it in his hand. "You want me to move in? Are you sure about that? I mean this is a big step, Noah. You could find out that you don't like me that much."

"Somehow I sincerely doubt that," Noah said pulling Luke closer. "I mean it, Luciano. Move in with me. Instead of talking on the phone until one of us falls asleep, we can cuddle and talk and sleep in each other's arms."

"And have more nights like this," Luke said finishing his thought. 'You know it's not going to always be sugarplums and roses right?"

"I know."

"And," Luke continued even as he cuddled closer to him, "we'll probably have to make a lot of compromises, and some changes."

"I know that too," Noah said his voice barely audible.

"Is this key more than a key to your apartment, Noah?"

Silence was the only answer he could offer as he stared into that intense gaze. Luke's ability to read him was exceptional. One of the many things Noah loved about the man, he never had to say too much because Luke always knew. "It's my heart, Luke. "It belongs to you."

Their kiss was sweet and passionate. The two of them were pressed together and Luke wrapped his arms around his waist, one hand still holding the key. He was sad when Luke pulled away and reached for the envelope that lay at their side.

"This is by no means as good a gift as this," He said holding up the key before he slipped it in his pocket. "But for first anniversaries paper is supposed to be the gift theme so…I think this will give you the answer that you want."

Noah accepted the envelope and slipped his finger under the flap to open it. The envelope was creamy, and his name was written on front of it in Luke's beautiful script. He knew it was probably weird, but he wanted to save each part of this gift, because it came from Luke's heart.

_Noah,_

_I'm sitting here writing this as I await your phone call. I cannot believe that it has been a month since that day…that night, when you admitted you wanted me. That was singlehandedly the most incredible night of my life. Even at this very moment I am smiling, because thinking of you makes me happy. _

_Just being near you makes me happy, and there truly aren't any words to fully express why. For the longest time I was alone. Even with my friends and family around me, I was by myself in a place where I didn't really fit anymore. And then you walked into my life and made me feel things I had sworn I would never feel. _

_I want to thank you, for loving me and allowing me to love you back. I want you to know that my day starts when I see your eyes, and it ends when I hear your softly whispered goodbye. It's only been a month, and yet I feel as if we have been together forever. I want that with you, Noah. I want forever and always. I want to be your rock, your shelter and your safe place. I want to chase away all your demons and I want to show you what it truly means to be loved. _

_I love you Noah, and I'm proud to say that you are mine…and I'm yours…Truly._

_Love always, Luciano._

His eyes scanned the letter again, drinking in the words on the page. He wanted to commit the entire letter to memory, to savor the words that his boyfriend had written. He knew those eyes were on him waiting for a response. And he knew too what he was going to say…what he wanted more than anything.

"Noah," Luke asked, his voice conveying the nervousness that he felt. Noah turned to face him with tears dotting his cheeks. There wasn't anything sad about these tears though. He was touched and deeply moved.

"What did I ever do to deserve you," he asked, pulling Luke completely into his arms.

"I guess we both were just lucky," Luke leaned in to kiss him softly.

Noah had long ago realized that a kiss between them was never simply a kiss. Too easily he was swept away on a wave a passion he could barely ride. Luke was in control this time, his tongue going down Noah's throat as their hands begin to move with urgency. Suddenly Noah was very glad they had stripped down to just their pants and tuxedo shirts.

"Luke," He gasped as his boyfriend pulled away and started sucking on his neck."

"Hmmmm" Noah heard him reply but he was focusing on the sensations that mouth were sending through him.

"Does this mean you'll move in with me?" Noah moaned as Luke's hand traveled down his stomach to slip beneath the material.

"Yes," Luke answered as he continued to rain kisses along Noah's neck. Luke's hands felt good against his skin and he moaned appreciatively. "Anything else?"

"Just one thing." Noah said closing his eyes so he could enjoy Luke's ministrations.

"Go ahead, Noah. Say it." Luke's words were followed by his fingers brushing against the bulge in Noah's pants.

"I want…to feel you inside me, Luke."

And then it all stopped. For a moment he thought he had dreamed it all, until he opened his eyes and saw Luke staring at him with desire clear in his eyes.

"Is that really what you want?" His voice sounded so husky, so sexy it made Noah swoon despite the fact that he was laying down. What he was feeling at the moment was indescribable. It was a mixture of love, lust, desire, and passion all rolled up in a nice little package…summed up by one simple word; Need. "Noah," Luke's voice again, penetrating the haze. Those artist fingers were back on his stomach tracing circles, though his eyes were focused on yet another prize. "Are you sure?"

He reached his hand up to caress Luke's cheek. "I want you inside me, Luke. More than I've wanted anything in my entire life."

If kisses could be rated on a scale, with one being chaste and 10 being passionate, Noah would have given this one at least a 100. There was so much passion, so much power behind it that it made it very hard to breathe. He reached up, determined to pull Luke down on top of him, but the blonde boy pulled out of his reach and shook his head.

"It's my turn to touch," he said, and all Noah could do was look at him in awe. There was something really…hot about Luke being in charge, and his heart rate was quickening just at the thought of what was going to happen.

Ever so slowly Luke unbuttoned his shirt, those long fingers caressing his smooth skin as the garment was removed. His pants soon followed, and he noticed that Luke had removed his own at some point as well. He was taken by surprise when Luke turned him on to his stomach and straddled his back. Noah could feel his lover's hard cock and it made him shiver with excitement. He was ready to completely give himself over to his Luciano.

He felt Luke's fingers in his hair and sighed. The blonde boy was massaging his scalp, helping him to relax. "Don't close your eyes," he heard his boyfriend say above him. He didn't know why it surprised him that Luke knew exactly what he was doing. "I want you to feel every bit of this Noah. I am going to show you just how crazy you make me." Noah could feel the pressure on his back as Luke bent close to his ear, nipping on it as his fingers worked their way down. ""I want you to scream Noah, just like you make me scream." He whimpered as Luke's teeth grazed his ear.

His lover's hands were working their magic, kneading every inch of his upper body. He felt very lucky to have a boyfriend who could make a backrub seem so sensual. Every touch, every caress made him sigh and moan with appreciation. His cock was stiffening beneath him and he had since guessed that Luke was going slowly on purpose.

When those hands were replaced by Luke's tongue there was a sharp intake of breath. The hands had wandered down, squeezing his ass before the fingers slid between the cheeks. He felt a slippery wetness there, as one single digit went up and down the crack.

"Luke," he gasped as that finger continued to slip over his very tight entrance. His head rolled when that finger slipped in, and he clutched the blankets and buried his face in the pillows.

He felt Luke's fingers in his hair again, as if the younger man wanted to soothe him. "I'm not hurting you am I?" he asked, even as he allowed his free hand to continue it's perusal of that entrance."Do you want me to stop, Noah?"

"N…No," he managed to say as his breathing became irregular. "Don't…don't stop." His boyfriend's fingers moved to his shoulders and before he knew it he was on his back again. He could see the lust in those blue eyes as his lover leaned down to kiss his swollen lips once more. Now those hands were touching and squeezing his stomach, working their way down to his very stiff member.

When his lover's hands closed around the shaft Noah couldn't help the sound that escaped his lips. That hand masterfully worked up and down the length of it. Noah was mesmerized, he had never imagined that it could feel this good.

"I'm going to taste you now, Noah," his boyfriend's voice had that husky quality again, and Noah whimpered as that tongue came out and licked his tip.

:He didn't know how to describe the feelings coursing through him as Luke took him into his mouth and started to suck. He was very slow about it at first, his mouth bobbing up and down, making Noah's breathing very erratic. He reached out to grab his boyfriend's hair keeping him in place as he reached the edge.

"Luke…I'm going to cum," he said as he tried to breathe. He half expected Luke to pull away but he didn't. His lover sucked harder and bobbed faster, as if he was determined to make him explode right then and there.

"Lu…ciano," he screamed as he was sent over the edge. He felt himself explode in his boyfriend's mouth and it was by far the most erotic thing to ever happen to him. He was awed again as Luke pulled away, licking the cum off of his mouth, and swallowing most of it. Their eyes were locked as Luke returned to his side and kissed him.

Noah welcomed the kiss hungrily, and once more reached out to take Luke into his embrace. He wanted to devour the blonde boy right then and there, but once again his boyfriend shook his head. Noah found himself pinned to the floor with Luke straddling him, those blue eyes looking down at him hungrily.

"Have I told you that I love it when you call me, Luciano?" he asked, bending to grab Noah's lip with his teeth. He kisses him passionately. Those hands were roaming again, touching and pinching, kneading his skin as he shuddered under Luke's touch. "I love the feel of your skin beneath my fingers," Luke continued as those hands made their way to his inner thighs.

"And I love making you moan." As if on cue, a moan escaped Noah's lips as Luke's fingers worked their magic. He shuddered when he felt those fingers inside him again. This time there were two, and they were both slippery with his boyfriend's spit. "You taste so good, Noah, and my fingers feel so good here." As to punctuate his point Luke thrust his fingers fast inside causing Noah to cry out his name again.

After a few more thrusts another finger joined in and Noah wriggled trying to get those fingers ad deep inside him as he could. He had given up trying to breathe and as it was he was at the brink again. He didn't want to cum this time…not until his lover was inside him. Then and only then would he release.

"Luciano, please…"

"Please, what…Noah."

OH god just the voice in combination with those slow moving fingers was going to send him over the brink. He had to hold on…at least until…

"Noah," Luke called leaning in to kiss him yet again. "Please what?"

"Fuck me Luciano, Please. Fuck me now…I want you inside me."

"You want me to fuck you, or do you want me to make love to you," Luke teased.

Noah shuddered. "Please Luciano…I don't want to cum without you inside me."

Luke leaned in for one last hungry kiss, and pierced Noah with that intense gaze. He never broke eye contact as he slipped his fingers into Noah's mouth. Noah sucked on those fingers until they were nice and wet, and then he watched as Luke coated his own cock with the spit. That in itself was a turn on and he whimpered in anticipation of what was to come. He could admit he was a little frightened…but he knew Luke would be gentle with him…his Luciano loved him.

A gasp exited Noah's lips as he felt Luke inside him. His lover pushed in inch by inch, waiting every few seconds to allow him to get used to it.

"God, Noah," he heard his boyfriend's voice and wondered if it was possible for him to sound any sexier. "This feels…amazing, you're amazing baby. I love you."

"I love you too Luciano," he said just as Luke thrust deep inside him. He began to move, slowly at first quickening the pace as Noah arched to meet him. It felt so…exquisite…wonderful…amazing…so many adjectives, and none of them quite right to express what he was feeling as his lover continued to take the plunge.

"When Luke thrust and hit his prostate he let out a cry of pure ecstasy. His fingers dug into his boyfriend's back as he came fast and hard. Moments later Luke collapsed beside him and he realized that they had released at the same time.

"I love you, Luciano," he mumbled as Luke pulled him closer. They wrapped their arms around each other and Luke pulled one of the blankets up to cover them. He pushed the dark hair off of Noah's forehead and kissed it before raining kisses on his Nose and those love-swollen lips as well.

"I love you too, Noah. I love you too. Happy Anniversary."

They laid there together in silence basking in the afterglow of what they had just shared. The shrill sound of the telephone broke the quiet and Noah chuckled. "Doesn't this scene seem familiar?" He nodded towards Luke's phone which wasn't far from them. "You should get that."

Luke reached for the phone lazily and checked the caller id. A smirk crossed his lips when he saw Randy's name. Déjà vu indeed!

Noah watched his boyfriend toss the phone aside and pulled him back into his embrace. "Who was it?" he asked as they settled back down.

"No one important," Luke replied as he leaned in to steal another kiss. Noah kissed back and got lost in the passion he had for his boyfriend. There was nowhere else he wanted to be.


	7. Chapter 7

Luke smiled as he readjusted the water in the small shower. He leaned back against the wall, letting his body get used to the hot water beating down on him. Last night had been his first night staying in Noah's apartment…their apartment.(that would take some getting used to) Sure, he had stayed over a few nights before, but last night was the first time he could call it home.

He could still remember the looks on his family's faces when he told them he was moving in with Noah. They were concerned about it being too soon. His father had pulled him aside and questioned if he was ready for such a big step. HE had expected them to be uneasy, but he knew he wanted to do this. This was right, him and Noah together…that was how it was supposed to be. He was worried about the living arrangement. He figured he would be crazy not to be a little wary. Despite those concerns everyone took the news a lot better than Luke expected; Noah later Joked that they were just glad to get rid of him.  
With Holden and Aaron's help his things were moved over to the apartment, and together he and Noah rearranged everything. Luke had thought it completely adorable when Noah shoved all the furniture against the wall and demanded they arrange it all over again. It just wasn't right to leave things the way they had been. It was time for the apartment to look like their place and not just Noah's.

A soft smile touched his lips as he reached for the soap. He couldn't help but marvel at how lucky he was to have Noah as his boyfriend. He was still smiling as he started lathering up his stomach. He was just bending down to wash his toes when he heard the shower door open, and an arm encircled his waist.  
"Reason number one million, why it's good idea to live with your boyfriend," Noah started as Luke turned to face him.  
"What's that?" he asked, using his hand to wipe the water out of his eyes.  
"Its good for the environment," Noah said smugly.

"Whaat," Luke laughed. "Tell me, how is living with your boyfriend good for the environment?"

"Easy," Noah said leaning in to kiss him. "It conserves water."  
Luke wrapped his slippery arms around his boyfriend and pulled him deeper into the shower as their lips melded together. Noah was now being pelted with the warm water…but somehow Luke didn't think he was complaining.

"I could definitely get used to mornings like this," Luke said as he nuzzled his face into Noah's neck.

Without a word, Noah reached down and grabbed the soap from Luke's hands. He grinned at his boyfriend's confused stare as he began rubbing the soap back and forth on his shoulders, eliciting a gasp from the shorter man. Noah slowly dragged the bar of soap down Luke's chest, making sure to swirl the end around Luke's nipple, making him almost fall on the slippery shower footing.

"Wh…what are you doing, Noah?"

"Well," Noah said, his hand continuing to move the soap in circular motions, "I just figured that since I'm usually always making you a dirty boy…it might be nice manners to help you be a clean boy." Noah grinned and bit the side of his bottom lip.

A small giggle was all Luke could manage as Noah moved his hands lower. He washed both of Luke's hips and then held onto them with slippery fingers. He leaned in and kissed his blond boy, pushing him into the side of the shower wall. The water was beating down on him so hard from this angle that Luke could barely open his eyes to see the dark haired boy. He felt rather than saw Noah kneel in front of him.

Noah took the soap and lathered it up on Luke's lower stomach and moved even lower. Luke could feel the heat of Noah's hands on the skin of his cock-and just as Noah was about to touch it-he moved a lot lower. He slowly took the soap down Luke's thighs to his calves and then lifted his boyfriend's foot slightly-rubbing the soap on the bottom. Noah rubbed the soap between his fingers and made a lather in his hands.

He had once told Luke that he despised feet-so Luke was shocked when Noah took his fingers and linked them through Luke's toes. Luke couldn't help laughing-as the motion was tickling the hell out of him. He felt Noah's laughter too as the older man pressed a kiss on the head of his shaft.

"N..."

"Ssssshhh" Noah silenced his lover.

Noah placed soft nibbling kisses down the entire length of Luke's engorged cock. Once he reached the base-he stuck his tongue out and oh so slowly licked his path back to the head. He swirled his tongue around Luke's shaft before easing the member into his mouth. Noah sucked lightly on the head before engulfing the entire thing.

The pressure was slowly driving Luke crazy. He felt the pleasure from the top of his head to the tips of his toes. He had to bite the heel of his hand to keep from grabbing onto Noah's hair. Slowly Noah began to bob his head up and down making Luke want to climb up the shower wall his back was against.

All too soon the pressure was stopped and Noah stood up. He pressed himself into Luke and Luke had to smile. It's so sexy that pleasuring Luke was Noah's biggest turn on. Slowly Noah's hands rested on Luke's shoulders as he began to turn Luke around so that he was facing the wall. Luke looked back questioningly at Noah.

"Just helping you with all those hard to reach places...that's all" and Noah flashed Luke a grin. And Luke tried to hide his smirk as he once again placed his forehead against the wall. The water was slowly turning cold and Luke heard Noah twist one of the knobs. Luke soon realized that Noah was turning the cold water off completely-as steaming hot water beat hard down onto his flesh. Luke didn't mind though when he felt Noah's hands on his back.

Noah moved the soap-tracing undefined patterns on the expanse of flesh.

"Wow Luciano-you have an awful lot of scratches on your back-looks like someone really did a number on you." Noah huffed into Luke's ear from behind.

"What can I say? My boyfriend gets a little rough. Especially when I'm inside him. He loves it...he's such a bottom boy" Luke replied trying-and failing to keep the smile from his voice.

All of a sudden he felt a strong sting on his ass as Noah reached down and smacked his left cheek. Luke could do little more than gasp.

"Don't be a brat little one" Noah said and licked Luke's ear before biting on the lobe. Luke couldn't stop his reaction as he placed his hands on the wall and pushed himself back farther into Noah.

Noah moved the soap lower and began washing the red print he had just left on his boyfriend's ass.

"Noah...please."

"Please what?"

"Cmon Noaaaaaaaah" Luke moaned as he felt Noah's teeth bite into the center of his back. Luke heard the soap drop to the floor and felt Noah's finger at his crack slowly moving down to his entrance. Noah placed his finger at Luke's hole but did not push in.

"What do you want Snyder...you gotta say it or I won't do it" Noah taunted him.

"Please Noah...just..." and Luke tried to push back onto Noah's finger.

Noah quickly moved his finger and tsked his boyfriend.

"Okay Noah...please...just...please I wanna feel you inside me."

"You wanna feel me inside you? But I thought you said I was the bottom boy? I think you forgot how much you beg for it too. How much you want it…Need it."

"Then remind me dammit Noah...just fuccc" and Luke cut off his sentence in a short gasp as Noah drove his soap slicked finger inside him.

"That what you wanted Luciano?" and Noah shoved another finger in with the other.

"Yessssssss" Luke moaned.

He was momentarily disappointed when the feeling of those fingers pushing inside him was gone. But the disappointment was gone when something much larger and blunter was pushing at his entrance. Luke turned his head away from the wall and looked over his shoulder and caught Noah's gaze. Noah winked at him before pushing all the way inside Luke's body.

Both men moaned at the feel of their slippery bodies being joined. Noah reached down to Luke's hips and held him steady as he rocked in and out of the tight heat of his boyfriend. Luke's head was still turned looking over his shoulder-as he reached his right hand up and grabbed Noah's hair-pulling the older man to him for a passionate kiss.

Noah broke the kiss biting down hard on Luke's bottom lip and savoring the soft curse that escaped Luke's mouth. Noah pulled almost all the way out and repositioned his hips before driving back in hard-hitting that spot inside Luke that made fireworks shoot in front of his eyes.

"Right there...omg...Noah...please don't stop...don't ever stop"

Noah answered by biting the back of Luke's neck as he drove in again hitting the spot dead on. He knew he was not going to last much longer-so he moved one of his hands from Luke's hip. Sliding slowly down to his cock. Noah stroked Luke once before the boy screamed and pushed his entire body back against Noah. Noah looked over Luke's shoulder and saw the boy's cum covering his hand before the water washed it away.

Noah cursed silently as Luke's body clenched down all around his cock. And Noah gave one more thrust and buried himself inside his favorite space and came.

"So what are we doing today?" Luke asked his boyfriend as he pulled his shirt up over his head.

"I don't know. Lay around and watch movies? Make out all day?" Noah said as he came up behind him.

Luke couldn't help but smile. "Is that all you have me here for? To be a sex slave?"

"Well, no that wasn't the original reason...but that's not a bad idea!" Noah looked deep in thought.

"Jerk!" and Luke pushed Noah playfully down on the bed straddling the older man's hips.

Noah reached for Luke's hands interlacing their fingers as he gazed up at him.

"Luke, I never thought I could be this happy...thank you"

"Your welcome" Luke said with a cocky grin.

Noah chuckled lightly and grabbed Luke's hips, flinging him down on the bed beside him. He moved over and wrapped his arms around Luke's waist, placing his head on his chest.

"I just wanna stay like this forever and ever" Luke informed him,. "I feel so safe so loved. I feel like we're invincible Noah"

"We are baby...we are," Noah agreed. "Nothing and no one can tear us apart." He leaned in sealing his words with a kiss.

Luke's hands found their way into Noah's hair, and played there as they kissed. A few minutes passed before Noah broke the embrace and leaned back against the pillow. His eyes were focused on his boyfriend's baby blues.

"God you're beautiful Luke"

"You are such a..." Luke paused looking straight into those dark brown depths. "Dork Mayer"

Noah gasped at his boyfriend's teasing and took his pillow from under Luke's head and hit the blomde boy with it.

Luke jumped to his knees on the bed. "Did you seriously just hit me with a pillow? What are you nine? That's' so immature. I can't believe you're so juvenile" Luke rattled on as his grabbed Noah's pillow behind his back.

"Come here give me a kiss baby" Luke said and as Noah leaned in close Luke smashed the pillow into his shoulder.

Noah jumped out of the bed wielding his pillow as a weapon. "Oh. It's on now. You're going down Snyder"

"Maybe later if you're lucky. Right now I'm too busy kicking your ass at a pillow fight."

Luke jumped up and the boys took turns hitting each other with pillows, all the while trying to sustain their giggles. Luke knew Noah never got to be carefree when he was a child-so it meant the world to him to see Noah let go and just be silly.

Suddenly Noah hit Luke in the chest with the pillow knocking him backwards onto the bed. Noah threw his pillow down beside the bed and climbed on top of him and kissed him with a passion that made Luke's knees feel like jelly.

Noah moved to kiss Luke's jaw and kissed over his ear, tracing the shell of Luke's earlobe with his tongue. "I won" he whispered lightly directly into Luke's ear. Luke grabbed onto Noah's hips.

Noah continued his assault on Luke by kissing down his neck biting lightly on Luke's collarbone. His hands ran lightly down Luke's sides and grabbed the edges of his t-shirt. His skimmed his fingers along the bare skin of Luke's tummy before lifting the shirt up over his head.

he cocked a confident smile at Luke before his mouth returned kissing him. He licked lightly over Luke's bottom lip before Luke opened slightly and let Noah's tongue in. While he was kissing Luke- Noah slid his hands down and unbuttoned the top button on Luke's jeans.

"Planning something?" Luke asked with his eyebrow arched.

"Oh I was just planning to ask my boyfriend to make love to me...think he will be interested?"

Luke's breath left him momentarily and when he answered Noah-his voice creaked. "It's a very tempting offer. I think he'd be willing to do...that"

"Good" Noah said as he bent to kiss Luke's neck while pushing his erection into Lukes leg.

Luke reached down to remove Noah' shirt. Before it was lifted above the brunettes head though-a noise interrupted them.

.Knock.

"Who the hell would come at a time like this" Noah said irritated.

"Calm down. It's probably my dad. He said something about swinging by today to check the place out-he'll only stay a minute." and Luke jumped off the bed without bothering to put on his shirt and walked towards the door.

"Hold your horses," he heard Luke say from the living room. He figured Luke's father or whomever was at the door would go away quickly. He was not in the mood to entertain company. He closed his eyes, a soft smile playing on his lips as he thought about Luke's return. Surely no one would blame them if they wanted to spend their first day living together in bed? It was the weekend and he couldn't think of any place he would rather be.

"Didn't your father ever teach you any manners?"

His eyes flew open at the sound of that voice, and he could feel the dread spreading darkness over his heart. He jumped out of bed quickly and straightened out his clothes and his hair. He needed to look presentable when he went out there…and he had to move quickly. Luke shouldn't have to deal with this.

"MY father would have skinned me alive if I answered the door half naked. What's wrong with you?" Noah heard the voice l9oud and clear. It was hard to miss. In fact it was the only thing he could hear. He watched as Luke's mouth moved, but he didn't hear what was being said. He only heard his father's responses. "You don't have any decency do you boy, or any respect for your elders. I see you haven't even told me who you are and what you are doing in my son's apartment."

"Dad," Noah said trying to make himself be heard over the roaring in his head. "Stop it, leave him alone. We didn't know you were coming. I…I mean I didn't know you would be here, but you can't just come in here yelling at people for no reason."

"Don't you dare talk back to me young man," The Col snapped. Noah gulped and hung his head. He was not able to meet Luke's eyes.

"Sorry, Dad," he said clearing his throat.

"Go put some clothes on," he heard his father bark at Luke. Once again he didn't hear any response but he saw Luke retreat out of the corner of his eye. "And when you come back you'll tell me who you are, and you'll get out of my son's home."

"Dad," Noah exclaimed, looking back towards the bedroom where Luke had disappeared. "You have no right to talk to him that way," He said as he spied a pair of blue eyes peeking out the room. "You can't just come in here and yell at people because you don't agree with what they are doing."

"There is no excuse for his behavior, Noah," the Col fumed. "IT is very disrespectful and you need to give that boy a stern talking to when he comes back out here. He needs to respect your space and your rules. This is your first home, Noah. I know it's just an apartment and you won't be here forever but that is no reason to allow such filth…"

"Dad," Noah exclaimed again. "Stop it. HE's just my roommate. And His name is Luke. You have no right yelling at him like that. What are you doing here anyway?" Noah ran a frustrated hand through his hair and held his fingers against his temple. He was feeling the beginnings of a headache all of a sudden.

"I came to see how my son was faring. I wanted to know if you have come to your senses or not," the Col said as he allowed his eyes to scan the small apartment. Noah was silently thankful that the living room was spotless. His father would notice the tiniest fleck of dirt if given the chance to look. "You still have time to en list in the army, and the money for the film is yours. Just give up this nonsense and make a man out of yourself. Don't you think Madeline deserves that? Which by the way, why isn't she living with you? Did you do something stupid again?"  
"Dad, Maddie and I…we broke up. And she doesn't live here. It's just Luke and I. Luke just moved in here yesterday…"

"Well then that explains why he thought he could talk anyway he wanted to me," the Col interjected. "I will not tolerate such insolence Noah, not even form my son's friends. And I don't like the idea of you shacking up with…that. I'm sure you and Madeline will work out your differences. You haven't broken up Noah. You've just had a fight, a disagreement. "We can discuss it over dinner tonight. You get Madeline and meet me at the Lakeview. This time don't be late and you better have a tie."

"Yes sir. I'll see you tonight."

"You know I only want what's best for you, Noah." The Col. said placing a hand briefly on Noah's shoulder. The gesture made Noah frown, but he tried hard to hide it. Ever since experiencing what Luke's family was like, the coldness of his father's gestures seemed more jarring. "Haven't I always made sure you had everything you needed?"

"Yes sir."

"It's time for you to give back, son. Be the man I know you can be and make me proud."

Noah was just glad that the conversation was over. For a long moment after his father left he leaned against the door and closed his eyes. All he wanted to do was crawl back into bed and hide in Luke's arms. Was that too much to ask?

*  
He was fuming, though he couldn't even begin to explain why. He didn't bother returning to the living room with Noah and his father. Instead he decided to make the bed. That was a task that could preoccupy his mind for a few minutes at least. He was just smoothing out the blanket when his entire body stiffened. Noah had entered the room.

"He's gone, Luke," Noah was coming closer, but Luke found he couldn't look at him. "I'm so sorry for how he talked to you." He felt Noah's hands go around his waist, and it did nothing to relax him. "It's just that my father is…just so set in his ways."

He easily moved out of Noah's arms and moved to the other side of the room. He grabbed his shirt from the chair and started putting it on, his back still to his boyfriend.

"Hey...what are you doing?" Noah questioned him, " I thought our day had more to do with taking clothes off...not putting them back on" He watched out of the corner of his eye as Noah approached, crossing the room quickly with his long legs. Once he was close enough he put his hands on the back of Luke's neck and tried to kiss him.

"Noah...don't."

"What's the matter baby" Luke felt Noah's hands drop down to his hips and he sighed, shoving Noah away. 

"If you don't know...then I'm not even going to bother Noah."

"Well whatever it is -I'm sorry Luke" It didn't go unnoticed by Luke that Noah actually did sound concerned. Unfortunately, this time it wasn't enough.

"Yeah...that means a lot Noah, " Luke said finding it hard to keep the anger out of his voice. "Apologizing and you don't even know what you did wrong. Real FUCKING sincere."

"Well," Noah said trying to stay calm as he puzzled out what was wrong. "Luke, if you would just calm down and tell me what happened…"

"FUCK-maybe I don't want to calm down Noah." Luke screamed, interrupting his boyfriend midsentence. All the anger he had been feeling came boiling to the surface. What he was feeling was irrational, he knew that on some level. But that didn't make the pain any less severe.

"Okay, so you don't want to calm down," Noah countered, his frustration clear in his tone. "And you don't want to tell me what's wrong, so what DO you want to do, Luke? Do you want to spend our first day living together SCREAMING at each other? Is that what you want? Huh? It didn't escape Luke's attention that Noah was yelling now too.

"MAYBE IT IS!" He snapped back.

"WELL THEN FUCKING GREAT SNYDER. I HOPE THIS IS MAKING YOU HAPPY"

He stared at Noah for a moment, with anger mingled with hurt in his eyes. He bit his bottom lip and tried hard to calm himself down. He didn't want their first day living together to be like this. Not at all, He just couldn't help how he was feeling at the moment; and he didn't know how to explain it to Noah. How did you tell the one person you thought would never hurt you that they hurt you? He knew he was being a stubborn Snyder. He was well aware that he should just explain all of this to Noah, but at the moment anger was beating out all logic.

He decided right then and there that he couldn't do this right now. He needed to get out before he said things he would regret. He knew his own temper and knew it would be best if he just left.

He held Noah's gaze for just one moment more, daring him to say something, wishing he would catch the fact that he wasn't so much angry but upset … After a moment he shook his head and turned away from Noah. He grabbed his keys off the table and headed straight for the door.

"We're not through here," he heard Noah shout after him. "Where are you going Luciano?"  
"We are not through here...where are you going Luciano?"

That was the straw that broke the camel. Luke flung open the door and turned to Look straight into his lover's eyes. He was sure that their were tears in his own but he didn't care. "Why the hell do you care?" he shouted, his voice bitter. I'M JUST YOUR ROOMMATE REMEMBER?"

He slammed the door as he left and took off running as fast as he could to his car. He didn't want to give Noah a chance to catch up with him.

It was only after he was in the car and the engine was started that he allowed himself to break down. He leaned his head on the steering wheel for a moment and just cried. When he heard Noah call him "just his roommate" he felt like someone had punched him in the stomach, causing all the breath to leave his body. He just didn't understand. He had been honest with everyone; Maddie, his Mom, his Dad…his entire family about Noah. Noah only had to tell one person-and he didn't do it. It made him feel like Noah must be ashamed of him. He wasn't good enough for Noah's dad. No one had ever made Luke feel so low.

Finally, Luke sat up and wiped away his tears. He needed to get out of here. He pulled out of the driveway, not really knowing where he wanted to go. He just knew he wanted to get away from here. He thought about going to farm, but then thought better of it. He knew everyone would ask what happened, and he didn't really feel like getting sympathetic looks right now. He just wanted someone he could talk to and get an honest reply from.

After much thought he finally knew where he could go. HE maneuvered his car down the small streets, and soon reached his destination. He parked his car and walked up the driveway to the door. He knocked, and waited slightly disappointed when there was no answer. With a sigh he tried again not knowing what to do if this backfired.

After a few minutes the door opened. The person who answered had a shocked look on their face. "Luke? I'm surprised to see you here…"

"I know…" Luke said hesitantly. "But can I come in? Please Randy?" 

"Of course you can," Randy said stepping aside. "Come on in."


	8. Chapter 8

"I can't do this," he said for what seemed the fifteenth time that day.

"Why not," the other a man asked, moving closer to the blonde holding his hand out.

"Because it's not right," Luke protested. "I can't do this to him. He loves me, and I love him."

"I don't see what that has to do with anything," Randy slipped something into his hand and stepped back to look at him.

"It has everything to do with it," Luke said thoughtfully. "I don't want to lose what we have. I need him."

"He sure has a weird way of showing it," Randy mumbled gruffly. He lifted his drink to his lips and sipped before a taking a seat on the couch.

Luke watched him closely, trying to figure out exactly what he wanted to say. His emotions were battling for dominance, and he had to admit, he wasn't sure a how he felt anymore.

"That's not fair," he said, finally choosing once again to defend his lover.

"He hurt you, again," his friend pointed out. "Why do you keep letting him do that?"

"I didn't come here for this," Luke said with a heavy sigh. He absently twirled the glass in his hand paying no attention to the amber liquid inside.

"Why did you come?"

It was a simple question, and he knew the answer…this time. "I came because I needed a friend." His voice was soft as he spoke and he put the wine glass down on the table and looked the other man square in the eye. "I wanted someone to vent to, someone to sort my feelings out with. I wanted to make sense of what happened this morning. I just need to talk, I want someone to listen."

"I have listened Luke," Randy said taking another sip from his glass. "You keep saying the same thing over and over again. You keep asking the same question. Why did he do that? Not that you have told me exactly what it was that Noah said to get you so upset. If he can upset you that much, then you shouldn't be with him."

"Noah has been nothing short of good to me ever since we made it official," Luke said standing up from his seat. He sighed and began to pace the floor. His thoughts were running rampant as he tried to make sense of what had happened just hours before.

"All I seem to hear about are the bad times," Randy commented. Maybe he's not boyfriend material."

"That's not true," Luke countered. And I don't talk negatively about Noah. I don't have a reason to."

"Not until now?" Randy questioned, as he watched Luke walk the length of the room. "What you need, is someone who would appreciate you. I don't think Noah does."

"He does appreciate me," Luke stopped pacing and once again turned to face Randy. "He has proven that more and more over the last few weeks. Ever since he asked me to move in he has been bending over backwards trying to make sure things were perfect. We fixed the apartment up together. We bought new things, and made it our place instead of just his. I know he wants me there. That's why this morning hurt so much. Everything was good, great even until this morning when…"

He paused mid-sentence as he realized what words were on the tip of his tongue. Everything had been fine up until the moment Noah's' father had shown up. He allowed the events of the morning to replay in his mind, a frown settling on his lips as he realized something major. That Morning Noah had been happy. He was laughing, and being silly right along with Luke. The shower was incredible, the pillow fight was exhilarating and Noah had been ready for more love making when a simple knock interrupted them.

The next thing Luke knew Noah was as jumpy as a fish out of water. The 180 degree turn had been so quick and Luke could admit now that he hadn't even taken a chance to notice what was going on. By the time Noah had entered the room Luke was ripe and ready for a fight. He couldn't believe that this man had the audacity to just come into someone's home and rage and scream like he had a right to. He had been about ready to tell the man where to shove it when Noah revealed that it was his father.

His frown deepened as he thought about the last time Noah had mentioned his father to him. They didn't talk about the man much…and it was slowly dawning on Luke why his boyfriend chose to ignore that topic completely.

_*flash*  
"I've told you what my dad is like," Noah replied wistfully. "That he's all strict and conservative. One of his favorite things to say was that real men don't cry." Luke didn't miss the fact that his boyfriend seemed to be on the verge of tears. He only nodded his assent and waited for Noah to continue. "He always reminds me that when I was two and he was going out into the field, that he told me to be the man of the house, take care of my mom, and he told me not to cry. And well, I guess I wanted to make him proud of me, Luke. I just wanted him to be proud…I wanted him to love me, and I know he does."_

He could tell Noah was hurting, and he couldn't resist placing a hand on his cheek. He hoped it brought him some comfort. "Go on," he urged.

"Your family just welcomed me in, and your dad…he just offered me something I don't think my father ever has. He offered me someone to talk to if I needed it. He was really sincere, and he called me son. It sounds so different coming from your dad…like he's being nice to me when he barely knows me. My father…he loves me but he is so distant because that's what men are supposed to be like. And," Noah shook his head, as if he needed to fight off the tears Luke saw in his eyes.

"Noah, it's okay to cry," He said letting go of Noah's hand so he could cup the other cheek. "You don't have to hide your feelings from me. I love you, and I want to tell you all the reasons that I do. I want to share every emotion with you, the anger, the happiness, the sadness and the love. I'll show you how…just talk to me."

And with that the last bit off his resolve crumbled like a dam releasing what seemed to Luke like a flood of tears. Noah was visibly shaken and Luke felt those tears as they mingled with the rain. With his thumb he wiped away some of the moisture, wishing there was more he could do to wipe the look of pain off his boyfriend's face.

It made him angry to think of how much pain Noah's father must have caused him. It just didn't seem right to Luke, to force someone to keep their emotions hidden at all times. Masking them was one thing; he did that all the time…but to deliberately repress them? To Luke that seemed almost barbaric and he knew then and there that he didn't like Noah's father.  
*end flash*

"I guess that man is more of a bastard than I originally thought," Luke muttered.

"What?" Randy's voice caught him off guard and he blinked. He had completely forgotten where he was, and he shook his head to clear his mind. Randy was giving him the most bewildered look. What are you talking about?"

"I don't think Noah was trying to hurt me this morning." He explained as everything dawned on him.

"But he did," Randy said standing. He came over to Luke and placed a hand on his shoulder, making him turn around to face him. "The point is that he did hurt you and you need to realize that it's all he is ever going to do."

"No," Luke said pulling away from Randy so he could continue pacing. "Everything isn't about me, and I…I was reacting on pure emotion instead of thinking about the situation at hand. Noah's dad showed up this morning, and he…Noah was scared and caught off guard. I can't believe I didn't think about this before. I don't need to be here, I need to go…poor Noah."

"Poor Noah? Randy exclaimed as Luke headed for the door. "He brought this on himself Luke. He should be feeling sorry for you. Not vice versa."

"He was scared," Luke told him, his tone ripe with that conviction. ""And he needs me. This isn't about my feelings, Randy. Thanks for listening to me. I have to go find Noah. He needs me."

**

His thoughts were running a mile a minute as he pulled away from Randy's house. Noah must a have been terrified, especially with his father a railing at him like that. Even Luke had to admit the man was scary. He could have kicked himself for not giving Noah the comfort he so obviously needed. But he would make up for that…he was not going to let his boyfriend's father cause a rift between them. He needed to get home.

**

Noah, for his credit was sitting on the couch in their apartment. He hadn't left that spot since Luke left, and he could still hear the slamming of the door clearly in his ears. He couldn't stop thinking about the fact that his boyfriend had just stormed out. It was the look in Luke's eyes that hurt the most. He felt like such an ass. All he wanted to do was make Luke happy, and he had done the exact opposite.

He could understand why Luke was hurt, but honestly there was a reason he had lied. He had to lie to his father to protect Luke. Why couldn't Luke understand that"? Luke had a loving family who supported and loved him no matter what. Noah's father wasn't like that now, and he never had been. If he had told his father the truth…that he and Luke were in love, his father would have thrown an outright fit.

In fact that wasn't the only problem. His father didn't even know he was gay…and he was scared to tell him. It wasn't like most kids; he wasn't just afraid of what his father would think. He was afraid of what his dad would DO. It scared him beyond reason that his father would do something to remove Luke from his life. That thought terrified him down to the deepest part s of his soul.

A knock on the door interrupted his thoughts and he practically ran to the door, silently praying that it was Luke and he had just misplaced his keys. His heart sank a little deeper when he opened the door to find a smiling brunette looking back at him.

"Oh," he said trying hard not to down too disappointed. "Hey, Maddie. Luke's uhm…Luke's not here right now."

"Oh, Okay," Maddie said, looking closely at her friend. "So I can't come to see you?"

"Of course you can," Noah said quickly, kicking himself for once again being insensitive. "It's just that, with everything that happened…I didn't think you'd ever want…"

His words were halted by Maddie, who took that moment to push past him into the apartment.  
"Let's get a few things straight Mayer," she said turning to face him head on. "First off, Luke is my best friend; that is a fact. But, I'd like to think that you are my best friend too, Noah."

"But," Noah started, only to be silenced once more by his ex-girlfriend.

"Yes," she said reading his thoughts perfectly, "You did hurt me. It sucked really bad, and I am trying my best to get past it. But I made a promise to you once, that no matter what, I'd always be here for you," she smiled. "And we Colemans don't make promises we don't intend to keep."

Noah bowed his head. He didn't know how he had gotten so lucky. He barely understood why Luke loved him so, and now Maddie was forgiving him too? It was all just too much to take…especially now with Luke gone. "I'm sorry Maddie," he said sadly.

Maddie shook her head. "What you did to me was horrible," she reiterated, reaching out to make him look up. "But I know you're sorry and I know you weren't trying to cause me any pain. What kind of friend would I be if I didn't forgive another friend?"

Her smile was so bright; it lit up the entire room. It had to be fate that had brought her there right then. He really needed a friend at the moment and with everything going on he had thought Luke was his only one. Now His boyfriend was the one he was on the outs with so having Maddie there was a nice treat.

Within moments he crushed her into a tight hug, he couldn't help it. He was so overwhelmed with everything. "Oh Maddie," he said with a sigh. It means so much to me to hear you say that."

Maddie patted Noah on the back, and held him for a long moment before moving way from his embrace. She took a look at his face and frowned. "Noah, what's wrong sweetie? And don't you dare say nothing. It looks like you've been crying."

"Oh…really its…nothing," Noah said breaking eye contact.

Noah," she said softly. "You already hurt me once by hiding things from me. Are you going to do it again, in our friendship too?"

He knew he couldn't do it. He couldn't deny Maddie, he respected her too much. He knew too that somehow Maddie might be able to help.

"Maddie," he started, trying to gather up the courage to say it out loud. "It's Luke…well it's Luke and I. We…he left me."

"Whoa!" Maddie said not quite believing what she just heard. "What? He left you?

"Well," Noah said growing defensive and depressed. "I don't know Maddie. My head is so messed up right now." He stormed over to the couch and thumped down, burying his head in his hands. It wasn't long before he felt a dip in the couch and a feminine hand on his shoulder..

"Tell me what happened, Noah," she said her voice full of concern. "I know Luke better than anyone other than you…maybe I can help?"

He sighed and looked at Maddie. Her eyes were warm and comforting. She really was a great girl. He hoped someday some guy would sweep her off her feet and love her like she deserved. "Well," he started his teeth grazing his lower lip. It was a habit he had picked up from his boyfriend. "It was a horrible fight, and I was even prepared for it. The whole day has just…been so ruined," he shook his head lamenting the events of the day. "We were so happy this morning, Mads. It was perfect. You know, it's our first morning living together…but then…" Before he could finish his statement he choked on a sob.

Maddie scooted closer, and it gave Noah just a little comfort to know that she really was listening and she was concerned. That was enough to give him the strength to continue his tale.

"Then…my dad showed up and Luke answered the door. My father started yelling at him, and I got so scared. I didn't realize he was going to be here but I couldn't let him yell at Luke like that. So to make him let things alone I told him Luke was my roommate."

Noah swallowed as he watched Maddie's eyes open in surprise. He could read it all over her face; she thought it was a horrible thing to say. He officially felt like the worse scum on the planet.

Noah swallowed as he watched Maddie's eyes open in surprise. He could read it all over her face that she thought it was a horrible thing to say. He officially felt like the worst scum on the planet.

"You…you called Luke your ROOMMATE?" she said incredulously. "Why…would you do that Noah? Can you imagine how that must have hurt Luke?"

"I know," Noah protested. "But…it's so complicated Maddie. He didn't give me a chance to explain myself."

"Noah," Maddie started gently, placing her hand on Noah's arm. "How would you feel if the positions were reversed? Would you think if Luke had told Holden he was moving in, and you guys were roommates? How would you feel if Luke denied you?"

"It would have crushed me, Maddie," Noah admitted. "I know it would have but…Holden and my dad, they are so…different. Holden may not agree with Luke all the time, but he supports him anyway…he…he respects him. My dad's not like that. You know he isn't."

"I know, Noah," Maddie conceded. "Your dad is really intense. I know growing up with him had to be hard."

Noah nodded, his face contorted in pain just thinking about it. It was terrible. Everything I like, I had to hide. If I made a friend that was too close, my dad would move us away. Everything I've ever really liked my dad has taken from me. All I've ever heard was that I needed to be a man. I…I think I could almost handle my dad not accepting me, but I couldn't if he didn't accept Luke."

"So…you're scared for Luke?" Maddie asked, trying hard to understand what Noah was saying.

"My dad seems to think that you and I are still together…and I told him that we broke up," Noah said quickly. Now that he was talking the words just wanted to spill forth. He wasn't even sure what he was explaining anymore. "He wants to have dinner with you and me tonight and…"

"Noah…" Maddie interrupted him. "Are you afraid for Luke?"

"Kind of…yes. My dad…I just don't know what he's capable of."

Maddie was silent for a moment, taking in all that Noah had told her. It really was a sticky situation, and she wasn't the one he should be explaining this to.

"Noah," she said placing her hand on his arm yet again. "You can't hide yourself forever. Do you ever have any intention of telling your dad?"

"I do…I mean I have to. I'm just not ready yet.. I just want Luke and I to be happy and not have to be worried all the time. I will eventually tell my dad." He reiterated for his benefit as well as Maddie's.

"Noah, you have to be proud of yourself before anyone else can be proud of you."

Noah nodded and fell silent for a moment. It wasn't the first time she had said that to him. He knew she was right…it just didn't seem that simple.

"So Luke just left?" Maddie asked breaking the silence that had fallen between them. Noah nodded. "Where did he go?"

"I don't know," he sighed, placing his head in his hands once again. "He said it was none of my business because I was only his roommate, and then he stormed out."  
"I see," Maddie said as she mulled it over in her head. More silence followed as she allowed her eyes to move around the room.

"Well," she said, her gaze falling back on her friend, "I've known Luke for a very long time. And if there's one thing I know for sure, he's a Snyder through and through."

"That's for sure," Noah said wistfully. He averted his gaze for a moment, not wanting Maddie to see just how sad he was. He missed Luke terribly, and he just wanted him to come home.

"He's stubborn," Maddie continued, "And sometimes it's hard for him to admit his feelings. Instead of admitting he is hurt, he gets angry." Noah nodded, not saying a word. Everything she said was true…and it gave him some hope that maybe all wasn't lost.

"You hurt him with your words, Noah, and I know you know that. Instead of letting you see that, he got mad at you ."

"But what if this is it?" he said lifting his head. His eyes conveyed the fear he was feeling deep in his heart. "What if he doesn't give me a chance to explain? What if I blew it," Noah knew he was panicking again, but he couldn't help the sob that escaped his lips. He was a mess without Luke, and it scared him to think that his own stupidity could have cost him the best thing to ever happen to him.

"You can't give up, Noah," Maddie told him. "Look at you,...you're miserable. Just being without Luke this long is tearing you apart. Only love can make you feel like that Darling. Am I right to assume that you love Luke more than anything in the entire world?"

Noah nodded his ascent.

"Well then you'll fight for him," she said with such conviction that Noah couldn't help the awe that came into his eyes. "You won't LET this be the end."

"Thank you," he sobbed. He hated how he must look to Maddie. Was she thinking that he was nothing but a weak man? Would she rethink her advice and tell him to leave Luke alone? He knew those thoughts were absurd and he tried to push them away and focus on what she had said. He did need to do something. He was NOT going to lose Luke…not now…not like this.

"Maddie...your really something else," he told her, his voice still husky with emotion. "I've never met anyone quite like you. "I mean Luke and I…we…I betrayed you and yet you're still here trying to help us out."

Maddie playfully punched Noah in the arm just as they heard a key in the lock. Noah looked at Maddie just in time to notice her hiding smile as she stood up. It was time for her to make her exit. Her work there was done; the rest was up to Noah.

**

He couldn't get the door open fast enough. All he knew was that he wanted to get inside, and he wanted to talk to Noah. He only hoped his boyfriend was still there.

"Oh, hi," he said when the door opened and he found Maddie standing in front of him. "I didn't realize you were here."

"Nice to see you too, Luke," Maddie laughed as she gave her best friend a hug. "I was just leaving actually. I think you boys need to talk."

"Bye Maddie," Luke called after her retreating back. He placed his key back in his pocket and turned just as Noah stood up from the couch.

"I'm, sorry," he said moving towards his boyfriend.

"I'm sorry," Noah said at the same moment. He moved forward too and soon Luke found himself wrapped in a tight embrace. He wrapped his arms around Noah's waist and rested his head on his chest. This was where he needed to be…where he wanted to be…in Noah's arms.

"I wasn't trying to hurt you."

Luke shifted his position so that he could look into his boyfriend's dark eyes. They had been sitting in comfortable silence for the past two hours. Just cuddling on the couch, enjoying the relative quiet and each other's company. This was something that Luke could get used to. Of course the silence also gave him time to think, and he wasn't completely surprised that his boyfriend had been doing the same.

"Noah…" he managed to say before his boyfriend pressed a finger to his lips.

:"I don't want you to speak now," Noah said as he ran his finger over Luke's lips. "I need you to listen."

"Luke nodded as he tried not to react to the stimulation Noah was creating.

"I wasn't trying to hurt you," Noah repeated. "I know that's what I ended up doing, and I know that's why you left, but I was so…My father….can be so intense and he was yelling at you. I wanted him to stop. I mean he had no right to talk to you that way."

Somehow he resisted the urge to take that digit into his mouth. Instead he took Noah's hand into his and intertwined their fingers together. He knew what he needed to say to Noah, but he would wait his turn. It was never a good idea to interrupt Noah when he was trying to express himself.

"And the roommate thing," Noah continued, "That just…it was the first thing that came to my mind and I wasn't thinking. You know you're so much more than just my roommate right?"

"You must have been so scared," he said his voice soft as he watched his boyfriend's face. Noah's many expressions were adorable to him, and if not for the seriousness of the discussion he would have kissed that confused look right off his face. "Your dad just shows up out of the blue, and tries to order us around our own home. And I don't like the way he treats you Noah."

The silence that fell between them was uncomfortable at best. Luke could see the storm in his boyfriend's eyes. He was battling so much, trying to figure out exactly what he wanted to say. Luke held his breath, hoping he hadn't said too much. He wanted to be honest with Noah, and the simple truth was that Noah's father scared him. He hadn't been fond of the man before, but after today he was definitely convinced that the man was a monster. That was just his opinion though. No matter what he thought, this was Noah's father and how things went from here was completely up to him.

"Do you think I'm a coward?"

"What?" Luke asked, caught off guard by Noah's question. Of course the word coward was not one he would ever use to describe his boyfriend.

"You think I should have stood up to my dad? And you are mad at me for calling you my roommate, aren't you?"

Luke sighed and closed his eyes for a moment to gather his thoughts. If he didn't already dislike Noah's father, this moment sealed the deal rather nicely.

"Noah," he said, his voice soft as he met Noah's gaze head on. "I want you to listen, and I want you to hear just me" he allowed his free hand to stroke Noah's cheek, cupping it so that his boyfriend couldn't turn away. "I'm not going to say what happened this morning didn't hurt, because it did."

He could feel Noah trying to pull away, but he wasn't going to let that happen. His boyfriend needed to hear this, and he needed to say it. If he had anything to say about it, Noah's father was not going to come between them.

"When I heard you call me just your roommate, I felt like I had been punched in the stomach, and every little insecurity that I have came floating to the surface. I mean, just five minutes before tht you were asking me to make love to you and…I just couldn't reconcile that change and where it had come from. It was as if we were back at WOAK and you were saying this was all a joke."

"I'm sorry, Luke."

It broke his heart to hear the despair in Noah's voice, but he hoped that on some level he was making some sense. He wasn't angry at him, nor was he disappointed. That's what he wanted Noah to understand.

"I know you're sorry, and I know you didn't mean it. I know you did stick up for me with your dad, in your own way and that means a lot"

"He didn't seem to like that," Noah said, a sad smile crossing his lips. "I'm supposed to have dinner tonight with him and Maddie."

Luke pulled out of Noah's arms just enough to fully look at him. "What do you want to do, Noah" he asked point blank. "And when you answer that don't think about me, or Maddie, and especially not your father. "What do YOU want to do tonight?"

"Stay here with you," he said after a few tense moments. Luke felt himself being pulled back into the warm embrace…he definitely wasn't complaining. "I want to stay here and tell you all the reasons why I can't stand to be away from you."

"Oh really..what reasons would those be?" Luke couldn't help but luagh as he teased Noah. He allowed a smile to cross his lips-the first one since that morning. All of the tension was finally gone. He just wanted to be here with Noah, and shut out the outside world.

"Well...because when you're gone, I have no one here to tease me." Noah joked and Luke thought it was the cutest thing he had ever heard. He was deliriously happy and couldn't even explain why. Perhaps it was the fact that he thought he had lost Noah, and now here he was lying in his arms. It was maddening, and Luke wouldn't have had it any other way.

"And because when you're away I can't do this..." Noah said, his hands sliding down Luke's hips.

"Or this..." Luke giggled slightly as Noah kissed his neck.

"And because when you're away...I feel like I can't breathe." Noah's voice was husky as his words turned serious. "I felt like my hands were still reaching for you-hours after the door slammed. Because when you're away I feel so insecure, like the coward my dad says I am."

Luke dared not speak, he knew better than to do so when Noah was in the middle of a confession. He just held his breath and waited.

"Luke," Noah continued, "when you're away I'm scared constantly. I was more frightened about you leaving then I was about my dad catching us- and that scares me too Luke. "

Luke tried to fight back the tears in his eyes, but he knew it was a lost cause. He bit the inside of his jaw, tapped his foot on the carpet, and avoided eye contact as Noah bared his soul. He'd do anything to keep those tears from falling.

"And as scared as I am when I'm without you," Noah sounded as if he were near tears too, "it doesn't even come close to how safe I felt when I saw you walk through that door."

He stopped even trying. He looked up at just as a tear escaped his eye.. "Noah...I am so sorry," he said his voice soft. "I just...I was afraid to let you know you hurt me. Its pride and its ignorant but I couldn't help it. But Noah, rest assured that I'd never leave you ever..."

Luke laid his head on Noah's chest. And almost immediately he was wrapped in a mighty hug.. "Baby I never wanna feel like I felt today when I watched you leave. It was the hardest thing I've ever seen...the back of your gorgeous blonde head as it walked away from me."

Luke just sobbed and pulled himself impossibly tighter to Noah's body.

Noah reached down with both of his hands and touched either side of Luke's face. Luke looked up at him, his breath catching in his throat. No one had ever gazed at him with such intensity. When Randy looked at him, it was as other guys who thought he was attractive did. But those looks always made him slightly uneasy. Noah on the other hand... He looked down at Luke with a smoky stare that was full of everything Luke ever wanted: love…lust…trust and appreciation. That gaze made Luke feel anything but uncomfortable.

Noah moved his right hand down to cup Luke's chin and let his thumb trace over Luke's bottom lip.

"Kiss me Noah...show me how much you missed me" Luke panted the words out as his eyes stayed glue to his boyfriend's.

He didn't know Noah was capable of being as fast as he was in that exact second. All in one fluid motion Noah grabbed Luke's shoulders and pulled him up until their foreheads were touching. Noah spread his legs allowing him to settle comfortably between them. Noah pressed up and pressed his lips to Luke.

The kiss wasn't like their normal kisses. It didn't start out slow and get hot. It started out hot and got hotter. There was so much in this kiss-but the one thing Luke tasted most when Noah's tongue plunged into his mouth- was desperation. They were desperate for forgiveness, desperate to try and forget, and there was an overwhelming desperation for each other.

He loved Noah's fascination with his hair-so he couldn't help but moan when he felt his boyfriend's finger tangle in his hair.

Noah moved his hands to the hem on Luke's shirt and pulled back from the kiss. He looked at Luke questioningly-which almost made Luke want to laugh. Didn't Noah know by now that Luke couldn't deny him anything? He moved his hands to join Noah's and together they lifted Luke's shirt up over his head.

Noah slightly pushed Luke off of him and jumped off the couch and took off his shirt and pants. He knew he was moving fast-but he was desperate for Luke's touch-to know that this was gonna be okay.

After seeing Noah remove his clothing-Luke jumped up and did the same with his pants and boxers. Clothes were just a barrier at this point-and he NEEDED to feel Noah with nothing in between them.

Luke laid back on the couch and looked at Noah. Noah turned back to him with a smile and held his hand out. Luke was confused but gave Noah his hand. Noah pulled him up from the couch and then took his place. He laid face down on the couch and moved his face to the side so he could peer at Luke.

"We never got to finish what we started this morning baby," Noah explained. "I want you to...please make love to me."

Luke visibly shuddered.

He knelt down by the couch so his face was right against Noah's and whispered "on one condition"

"Anything" Noah said-and it astounded Luke how much honesty was in just that one word.

"I want you to turn over on your back...I want to be able to see you when I'm inside you."

Noah put his hands on the back of Luke's head and pulled him in for a sweet kiss.  
Noah then rolled over and held his arms out for Luke.

Luke went to Noah's feet and climbed naked onto the couch. He scooted his body until he was again lying face to face with Noah.

"I would ask you if you're sure...but I need it just as bad as you Noah...so excuse me if I forget my manners"

Noah couldn't help but let a small laugh leave his lips. He watched as Luke stretched above his head and reached into the lampstand.

"I told you putting lube here was going to come in handy" Luke triumphantly smiled and then kissed his boyfriend. He didn't feel like teasing Noah- didn't want to draw this out. He knew exactly what he and his lover both needed and he didn't want to put it off any longer. He popped open the container and felt Noah's hand go over his.

"Here let me-I want to get you ready for me "and Noah squirted the liquid on his hand and reached down to Luke's swollen cock. He gave the shaft a few strokes while Luke tried his best not to come.

"Please Luke...Now..." and Luke pushed into Noah all in one fluid motion.  
Luke noticed the wince on Noah's face and automatically felt bad. Noah wasn't used to this the way Luke was. He should have been more thoughtful. Luke started to withdraw until he felt Noah's hands on his hips.

"No don't...don't leave. Just...give me a second to get used to it. But please don't pull out"

He didn't move. Instead e bent down and kissed Noah. He licked the inside of his boyfriend's mouth-the tops of his teeth and even the roof of his mouth. He wanted his tongue to burn every inch of Noah to memory.

"Okay...I'm ready now...just go kinda slow" Noah panted.

And slowly Luke pulled half way out, before easing back in. When Noah groaned-Luke pulled out all the way and eased back in again. Noah grabbed Luke's back and whined and arched his hips upward.

This time when Luke pulled out, he angled his hips to the right a little-and drove back in. He knew he reached what he was aiming for when Noah screamed and his eyes shut tight. "Oh my God Luciano!"

Luke did it again. And again. And before he knew what was happening, Noah was begging him to do it harder and Luke complied. He was plowing into his boyfriend hitting his prostate with every re-entry. Luke knew he was approaching the edge-and wanted Noah to fall with him. He reached his hand between them and located Noah's cock.

As soon as Luke touched it however-Noah arched himself and Luke almost completely off the couch and moaned Luke's name over and over again-and Luke's hand was coated with warm liquid.

Luke came seconds after Noah did-releasing himself deep inside his lover. He leaned down and kissed Noah with such passion it shocked them both.

They pulled away when Luke's lungs felt like they were going to explode without air. Both boys were trying to take in as much oxygen as they could. He put his hands on Noah's shoulder and started to pull out. But once again Noah stopped him.

"Just...stay. For just a little while. I don't want to miss the feeling yet."

Luke smiled and put his head on Noah's sweaty chest and closed his eyes for just a moment and as he heard Noah say "I love you Luciano" he drifted off to sleep.


	9. Chapter 9

"Tell me again why we are doing this?" Noah asked with a sigh. He was standing near the door of the bedroom, watching his boyfriend search for just the right shirt to wear for their outing.

"Why we're doing what exactly?" Luke asked, his voice muffled in the folds of the shirt he was pulling over his head."

Noah waited for the blond head to appear again before he volunteered an answer "I thought you and I were going to stay home this weekend and relax," Noah explained. "What happened to that idea? And why do we have to spend the day with him?"

"We are not spending the day with Randy," Luke said coming up to slip his arms around Noah's waist. He looked up into his beloved's eyes and tried to convey all the love he felt in that simple gaze. "You and I are going to ride horses. Maddie and Randy are coming along, but it is going to be you and me, Noah. You know that don't you?"

"Noah sighed. He did know that. This was a conversation they had had many times over the past few weeks. While things had been great since their fight, there was one issue they just could not agree on; Luke's friendship with Randy. They had to see him every day at the station…he didn't understand why they needed to see him on the weekends as well.

"I did want to spend this weekend with you," Luke's voice drew him out of his thoughts. "And we still will. It's just that Randy reminded me that I promised him a horseback riding lesson, and it occurred to me that I can't go horseback riding with him, teach him how to ride a horse if I haven't done it with you."

"Is horseback riding that important to you," Noah asked, a soft smile crossing his lips at Luke's words. His boyfriend was both considerate and thoughtful. It was one of the many things he loved about him…and one reason why he worried about him too.

Luke stood on his tiptoes to give his boyfriend a kiss before pulling away from him. "There is just something so…freeing about horses," he explained,, a soft smile crossing his lips. "My dad, he has been breeding them for as long as I can remember and I can still remember the first time he taught me how to ride. He knows everything there is to know about horses," Luke stated proudly, "And he taught it to me. I've even helped birth a foal."

"Wow," Noah laughed. "I guess I never really thought about how much of a farm boy you really are. I mean I never would have guessed your family had a farm until Maddie mentioned it."

"Well I seem to recall us making good use of the farm and the hay since then," Luke teased. Noah smiled and Luke continued as he started tidying up his side of the room. "There's nothing like riding a horse though. It can be very cathartic.

"And Romantic," Noah asked cocking his eyebrow as he continued to smile at his boyfriend.

"That's what I would like to find out," Luke said meeting Noah's gaze. Which is why you and I are going to have some alone time."

"You mean before I have to share you," Noah sighed. "I know, I know I shouldn't have said that. It's just that, well I don't…"

"He's just a friend," Luke interjected softly, stopping Noah's flow of words. "I love you, and only you. I want all of my firsts, Noah to be with you, as they should be. That's why you're going to meet the horses first. Can you please understand that and try to be good today? Just for a few hours. Randy only wants to learn how to ride. I'll give the three of you a lesson and then you and I have the rest of the weekend to ourselves okay?"

Noah sighed. He just couldn't win. He didn't stand a chance when his Luciano focused that piercing gaze on him. He was a goner and he knew it. He had never been able to deny his boyfriend anything. If Luke wanted him to do something, he was going to do it…no questions asked. That didn't mean he had to like it.

"Alright, alright," he said, pulling Luke back into his arms. "I'll try to behave. That's about as good as I can do, okay? Will you accept that?"

He was relieved when the blonde nodded his head in agreement before wrapping his arms around Noah's neck. "I love you Noah," Luke whispered as their lips met in yet another sensual kiss.

Noah was slowly beginning to understand why compromise could be your best friend. Through talking things out, he and Luke had managed to have a nice tension free zone. There were still those moments when Luke wanted to throttle him, or when he wanted to make Luke see reason, but those times were far and in between. Things were going fairly well now that they had been living together for about a month.

For the most part they were inseparable. One night a week they joined Luke's family for dinner, and usually ended up sticking around until it was time for the girls to get some sleep. He liked those nights, when he could spend time with Luke's parents and his sisters. He had even had the pleasure of meeting Luke's older brother finally. Aaron seemed nice enough, and Noah was looking forward to getting to know him better.

Fridays were their date nights. No matter what was going on during the week they would use Friday to catch an old movie or a basketball game. Noah felt like he was learning new things about Luke every day and he hoped his lover felt the same way. He was trying hard to open up to Luke more; some days were harder than others, and he was grateful that Luke was patient with him.

He didn't like Wednesdays, not that he would ever tell Luke that. Wednesday was the day that his boyfriend worked late at the station. That was the night when Noah would sit at home and come up with worse case scenarios. It drove him crazy that Randy got to work so closely with Luke during the day and on Wednesdays he got to do it at night too.

Tuesdays and Thursdays were his favorites. There was just something extra special about coming home from a day of classes and spending time together in the kitchen. On those days they didn't need words to communicate. They said so much with their actions and their looks as they worked together to cultivate the perfect meal. There was something very intimate about these times, and Noah hoped Luke enjoyed them just as much as he did.

"Come with me," Luke was still breathless from their kiss, but that didn't stop him from pulling Noah out of the bedroom.

"Where are we going," Noah asked curiously" Luke didn't answer him for a moment as he grabbed their jackets out of the closet. "Luke," Noah called, trying to get his boyfriend's attention. "Where,"

Luke placed a finger on his lips to silence him. Noah couldn't help but notice the sparkle in his boyfriend's eyes and he wondered what he was up to.

"It's time for you to meet the only girl who will ever hold my heart."

**

He found the statement puzzling, and it didn't even really make sense. Yet, Luke was leading him to the farm to meet a girl…who had his heart? Noah frowned as they parked on the gravel road and got out of the truck.

"Luke," he said reaching out to stop his boyfriend from going into the farmhouse. "I don't get it. Who are you talking about? Who is this girl, and if she has your heart why am I only finding out about her today?"

Luke just smiled and pulled Noah into the house. "All of your questions will be answered in time, Noah," he told him as he rummaged through his grandma's fridge for what he sought. "Aha," he said pulling out a bag of carrots. "We'll need these." He tossed the bag to Noah who just barely caught it.

"Carrots?" he asked as Luke began looking for other things in the kitchen.

"Those are for the horses," Luke explained, "As are these." He held up some sugar cubes and came to stand next to Noah again. "Are you ready?"

"Aren't you going to introduce me to your girl first?" Noah asked, puzzled.

"Yes," Luke said, giving Noah a soft kiss on the lips. "You're going to meet her right now." He took his boyfriend's hand and led him back outside. They walked silently on the path that was all too familiar to Noah by now. A soft smile crossed his lips as he thought about the many times they had used this particular spot. The hay wasn't a bother as long as there was a blanket covering it.

He could smell the horses even before they reached the stables. Luke let go of his hand and stepped forward checking each horse, petting their noses and talking softly to them before moving on to the next one. He stopped and lingered at one particular stall where a brown horse with a white spot in the middle of its forehead nuzzled at his hand. Noah couldn't take his eyes off the animal, with the shiny coat and the mane that reminded him of the horses he had seen on tv once. Luke was paying a lot of attention to this one, and it was no wonder…Noah couldn't remember ever seeing such a beautiful creature.

"How are you doing this morning Ari," he heard Luke ask as he lovingly stroked the horse's mane. Noah just stood and watched Luke carry on a conversation with the horse. His heart swelled with such love for the blonde boy, he was amazed it didn't burst.

"Noah," he heard Luke call his name and turned to find his boyfriend standing next to him again. The brown mare was standing beside him and he involuntarily jumped back before steadying himself. "It's alright Noah, she's not going to hurt you," Luke said smiling at his boyfriend. "Just put your hand under her nose, so she can sniff it."

Noah hesitated for a moment, before following Luke's instructions.

"Ari, this is Noah, my boyfriend," Luke introduced as he continued to stroke the horse's nose. "Noah, I want you to meet my girl…Ariel, though I call her Ari for short."

Noah laughed as he allowed the horse to nuzzle his hand. Her breath was hot on his skin, and he very gently petted her nose as he looked up at his boyfriend. Their eyes locked for a moment, and he could have sworn his boyfriend's face got brighter as the horse nuzzled Noah's face. Luke's smile was bright enough to light up the whole barn and it made Noah feel warm inside. It was obvious that this horse meant a lot to Luke, and somehow he knew that the smile and the sparkle in Luke's eyes were for him as well.

**

Noah was in awe. As he watched his boyfriend move around the stables, talking to horses and gathering up riding gear, he couldn't help but think that his boyfriend was amazing. Was their anything Luke couldn't do? Noah didn't think so. To him Luke was perfect, and he could stand there and watch him for hours…though holding him for hours was even nicer.

"Are you just going to stand there, or can I count on you to help me saddle up your horse?"

Luke's voice drew Noah out of his thoughts and he found himself staring into smiling blue eyes. "You want me to help you with the saddle?"

"I want to share every aspect of taking care of horses with you, Noah," Luke admitted, stepping closer to kiss him on the cheek. "That includes saddling and showing you how to mount."

Noah couldn't help but chuckle at the expression on Luke's face as he said that. "You keep that up, "If you keep talking like that, Farm boy, Maddie and Randy are going to get more than they bargained for when they get here. He winked at Luke who was trying hard to keep a straight face. "Show me what I have to do."

Horses were intimidating, but Noah wasn't as scared as he thought he would be. He figured that was because Luke was with him. His boyfriend was such a patient teacher, showing him how to prepare the horse with bridle and saddle. He lost his balance twice when Luke tried to show him how to mount the animal. "Stop trying to go so fast," Luke ordered softly. "Misty isn't going anywhere and you don't want to hurt yourself." Noah nodded and tried once more to fit into the saddle. Once he was in place he sat up straight and tried to mirror Luke's stance. His boyfriend had already settled on top of Ariel and he was holding her reins just so.

"Are you ready for your first ride," Luke smiled encouragingly at him. "No worries Noah, it will be okay. I'm here with you."

Noah nodded and managed to relax a bit. He was very glad that Luke understood him so well to know that he was scared. He watched closely as Luke nudged Ari and followed suit, letting his foot gently touch Mist. The horse jerked forward and Noah heard Luke's voice telling him to gently tug on the reins. He was sure his boyfriend had said something more but he was too busy concentrating on the animal beneath him to pay attention.

Noah had to marvel at the intelligence of the horse he was riding. She seemed so calm and sure, just following behind Luke and Ari as if she was used to this. Her calm helped him to relax and he began to see exactly what Luke loved about riding. There was something really nice about it, something relaxing and peaceful even. They rode side by side, Luke close enough to reach out and take Noah's hand for a moment. The horses were standing close together, allowing Luke's leg to brush against Noah's and he leaned forward to kiss him full on the lips.

"Thank you for sharing this with me," Noah said when they broke apart. ""I love this, just being out here like this with you."

"You don't have to thank me, Noah," Luke said shaking his head. He placed a gloved hand against Noah's cheek and smiled. "I love you." He leaned forward again allowing their foreheads to touch.

"There you two are," the new voice startled the horses, causing Luke and Noah to pull apart quickly. Luke took a moment to steady Ari, lovingly rubbing her neck and telling her it was okay. He turned to check on Noah who was softly speaking to Mist. Luke let out a contented sigh before turning his attention to the newcomer.

"Hey Maddie," he said smiling. "Yep, you found us."

"Is Randy with you?" Noah asked trying hard not to scowl. He was secretly glad Maddie had been the one to find them. It gave him a chance to put on his cooperative face. For Luke he was going to behave…or at least try to.

"Yes, he's here," Maddie said smiling. "He's waiting by the barn. I told him I would come find you."

"I guess we should head back then," Luke said giving Ari a swift kick to get her moving. "Race you back?" he asked turning to Noah.

"I can try," Noah said, though he wasn't sure if Luke heard him as his horse was already trotting ahead. Noah shook his head, and looked down at Maddie who was looking in the direction Luke had just gone off in. "Would you like a ride back?" He asked her. She smiled and he dismounted, helped her onto the animal and then returned to his spot behind her.

By the time they reached the barn, Luke was standing next to Randy introducing him to the horse he would be riding that day. In Noah's opinion Randy was standing too close to Luke, and he was watching too intently, but he knew that could just be his biased perception. He was going to try to be good.

Noah dismounted and helped Maddie down, before leading Mist over to where Luke stood. He effortlessly put his arm around his boyfriend, and was pleased when Luke leaned back into him.

"Hey, you made it back," Luke said grinning at him. "You didn't make that much of a race. Next time, the idea is for you to try to beat me."

"Next time I will do better," Noah said kissing Luke's neck. His boyfriend playfully poked him with his elbow and he nipped at his neck once more before turning his attention to Randy. "Randy, always a pleasure," he said politely reaching his hand out for the other man to shake.

Randy took Noah's hand but his eyes never left Luke. That fact alone was enough to make Noah see red. "I see you got here early to get a private lesson," Randy commented smoothly.

"Are you ready to ride," Noah said purposely avoiding the man's pompous comment. He wasn't going to ruin the afternoon for Luke, or for Maddie. He could keep his feelings for Randy to himself at least for now. "Luke's a really good teacher." Luke looked at him then and Noah's heart skipped a beat. There was so much love in that gaze; it gave him even more incentive to be good.

"Someone's biased," Luke laughed as he pulled out of Noah's embrace. "I have to get Maddie's mount," He explained even as he reached out for Maddie's hand. She gladly gave it to him and he started talking to her animatedly as they entered the stables. Noah heard his name as their voices grew fainter and smiled. It always gave him a thrill to hear Luke mention his name.

"He's such a tease."

Noah blinked and looked at the man who stood just before him. "What did you just say?" he asked bewildered. His fist clinched beside him and he had to remind himself again that he was going to be good. "Who's just a tease?"

"Luke," Randy said nodding in the direction the other boy had gone with Maddie. "He gives a lot of mixed signals. I'm surprised you haven't noticed."

Noah rolled his eyes. "What gives you the right to talk about him that way? Luke doesn't give mixed signals He's the most honest person I know."

"Please, no one is that honest," Randy scoffed. "I bet Luke doesn't tell you everything he does."

"What do you know about what Luke tells me," Noah asked through clenched teeth. He really was not happy with the way Randy was badmouthing his boyfriend. This was the guy that Luke called friend? He certainly wasn't being a true friend at the moment.

Randy sniffed and crossed his arms. "Ask him where he was after you guys had that fight. See if he gives you a straight answer."

Noah tightened his jaw and he would have retorted if not for the sound of Luke's laughter coming towards them."

"So Noah tried again to get up there and still didn't make it," Luke said giggling. "It was cute though, I loved being able to help even though he's that much taller."

Maddie giggled as they reached the other boys. "Hey, you guys look too tense," she said addressing Noah and Randy. "Don't worry Noah; Luke is very proud of you. He wasn't making fun at all."

Noah let a smile replace the frown and pulled his boyfriend back into his arms. Luke snuggled close for a moment and Noah took that opportunity to glare at Randy. The look didn't go unnoticed by Maddie, who frowned at her friend. She wanted to know what was going on.

Noah kissed the top of Luke's head and then released him so he could begin the lesson. He stood by Mist as Luke expertly showed Maddie and Randy how to greet their mounts to gain their trust. That was a very important thing. It was the decision maker between having a good ride and having the horse toss you off its back. He bit his lip to hide the smirk that crossed his lips at the thought of Randy getting tossed off the horse.

He watched Luke help the other man onto the animal, noting that Randy made sure to let his hand linger on Luke's shoulder. A few minutes later, Luke was by Noah's side again, petting Mist lovingly. "Are you ready for another ride?" he asked, his voice soft.

"Are you talking to me or the horse," Noah teased."

Luke swatted at him playfully, which only made Noah laugh. "I'm talking to the horse, you dork," he joked. "Would you like some help or are you okay?"

Noah glanced over at Randy who was watching them closely, before focusing on Luke once again. "You think you can help me this once more?" he asked, cocking his eyebrow in that way that drove Luke crazy.

Luke held his hands just so to help Noah on to the horse. Once he was back in the saddle he leaned down to steal a kiss from his blonde farm boy. "I'm ready to follow wherever you lead, teacher."

"Dork," Luke laughed as he lovingly patted his leg. "Ari, come here," he called to his mare. Noah was not surprised when the horse instantly obeyed. In no time she was standing beside Luke, nuzzling his face with her nose.

"Wow you really do know a lot about horses, don't you Luke," Randy's voice broke the peaceful calm Noah had been feeling.

Luke only shrugged in response to the question. It took him no time at all to swing his legs over his hors's back and he looked over at Randy who was still by the barn holding the reins awkwardly.

"I grew up around them," he said snapping Ari's reins. "I could ride for hours without getting tired, it's so much fun. You guys ready."

Maddie followed Luke's example as did Noah, but Randy looked a little apprehensive.

"Uh…I could use a little help if you don't mind," Randy said trying his best to look sheepish.

Noah narrowed his eyes even as Luke nudged Ari in Randy's direction. He knew he couldn't be suspicious of Randy's every move. After all this really was the guy's first time on a horse, but then that wasn't much of an excuse. He had a bad feeling that Randy was going to milk this for all that it was worth.

After what seemed like a while they made their way out into the open fields. Luke was on the ground again, trying to make sure everyone was comfortable with their mounts. Maddie caught on quickly, and soon she was on even footing with Noah. Noah lost count with how many times Randy asked for Luke's undivided attention. He didn't even want to think about how often his hands brushed Luke's neck or his shoulder when Luke was showing him something, or helping him get used to getting on and off the horse.

He was reading too much into it. Surely that was the case. His mind was playing games with him, and he was reading more into a situation then he should be. That had to be it. As much as he tried to tell himself that, he didn't believe it. Randy was not playing nice, and Noah didn't know how much more of this he could take.

**

"Hey," Luke said, their legs brushing together briefly as he reached for Mist's reins. He pulled both horses to a stop and moved as close as he could without hurting the animals. "How are you doing?"

Noah smiled at him and leaned forward to capture his lips in a kiss. "I miss you," he murmured when they drew apart. "But I am having fun. You really are a good teacher, you know that."

"Well, I learned from the best," Luke said smiling. "My dad is one of the best horsemen around these here parts."

Noah laughed and shook his head. He found it slightly amusing, and very sexy when Luke mimicked the hillbilly dialect. "So is he finally getting the hang of it?" he asked, nodding towards Randy who was in the field seemingly leading his horse in a dance.

"Actually I don't think he's anywhere near as good as you, or Maddie for that matter" Luke said shaking his head. "Bastien's a tame horse, very sweet and cooperative, but Randy's not managing him very well."

"Whoa horsie," Randy's voice sounded loud in the quiet, and even Maddie stopped her horse to see what was going on. Bastien bucked, as he reacted to the spur that scraped his flesh. Randy pulled on the reins, which he still didn't have a good handle on. He kicked again with his boot causing the horse to jump into the air, tossing Randy off it's back, before running askew around the field.

Noah couldn't help the giggle that escaped his lips as he watched Randy fall splat on the ground. Luke shot him a look that clearly said behave before jumping down to go see if Randy was alright.

Noah grabbed the reins of Luke's mount and led her along with Mist over to where Randy had fallen. Luke was right, he needed to behave. He could still laugh on the inside though…it was slightly funny.

"Are you okay?" He heard Luke ask Randy as he helped him off the ground.

"'I'm fine, thanks," Randy replied, his hand once more lingering just a little bit longer than necessary. "I'm not sure what happened back there. I thought I was getting the hang of this riding stuff."

"I can tell you what happened," Noah piped up. "The horse didn't trust you enough. He got spooked and threw you off because he wasn't comfortable."

"That doesn't even make sense," Randy scoffed turning to Luke. He gazed intently at him and Noah gritted his teeth. "I want your expert opinion Luke. What happened, why did the horse freak?"

"Well, actually, Noah's right," he said looking off in the direction where Bastien still ran rampant. "You didn't find your comfort zone with Bastien, and he wasn't comfortable with you. It is very important that the horse and the rider see eye to eye. You have to work on that, and you have to work on holding the reins too. You allowed Bastien too much control. When he got nervous he panicked and you weren't able to make him calm."

"Oh, well you'll have to help me with that then," Randy commented, and Noah wondered if the man had actually heard what Luke said.

"I think it's time to give the horses and ourselves a break. But first you have to help me round up Bastien. Come on."

Luke didn't see the smug look on Randy's face but Noah did, and it made him angrier. What was this guy trying to pull?

Noah was still seething when he heard another horse tromping behind him. He looked behind him and smiled as Maddie came up beside him.

"You really got the hang of this easily, Maddie," he said proudly. Maddie looked so graceful on top of that horse. Not as graceful as Luke, but far superior to himself and certainly Randy.

"You're not so bad yourself, Buckaroo," Maddie said trying hard to mimic a southern accent.

Noah looked at her oddly for a second before they both burst into giggles. They laughed for a good few minutes, the hilarity releasing some of the tension Noah had felt all day. Maddie stopped laughing so abruptly that it took Noah a moment to realize that she was no longer smiling. Her expression had changed to what bordered on worry.

"What's wrong?" he asked, a frown crossing his features as well.

"Seriously, Noah," Maddie started, as she absently played with her ponytail. "I wanted to tell you something. Something about Randy."

"What about him" Noah asked quickly. "Did he say something to you?" He clenched is fists angrily, "I'll…"

"No, no," Maddie interrupted him. "He didn't actually say anything to me, Noah, but I don't trust him. With Luke, I mean. I'm not trying to start trouble…you know that right?"

"I know," Noah responded even as he let his eyes wander to where Randy was watching Luke calm the horse down. "I don't trust him either."

"Okay, so you've noticed it too," Maddie sounded relieved. Noah tore his eyes away from the scene before him and faced his friend again.

"What have you noticed?" he asked curiously. He was only slightly relieved tha the wasn't the only one who thought Randy's behavior was inappropriate.

"I've noticed the way he looks at Luke," Maddie admitted. "It scares me, Noah. I've known Luke for a long time and he's…way too trusting."

"He always seems the good in people," Noah agreed his frow3n deepening. "I don't...think that's really a bad thing."

"No…it's not," Maddie said slowly, "but he's had a lot of friends do him dirty in the past. And I think when he makes a new friend he puts so much trust and faith in the fact that this friend will be different. He doesn't always see the bad in people until they show their true colors."

"What are you trying to say…Maddie?" Noah asked. The uneasy feeling in his stomach was getting worse by the minute.

"But I just…" Maddie started and then sighed. She glanced over at her best friend who was still explaining something to Randy and shook her head. "Just don't let them be alone together," she said facing Noah once more. Okay Noah? If Luke isn't gonna watch out for himself…then we damn sure better do it.

Noah was silent for a second, trying to digest Maddie's words. She was right. Luke could be too nice sometimes. It was one of the things Noah loved about him…how sweet he was. It wasn't a bad quality at all; seeing the good in people, but it often led to getting hurt. Noah didn't want to believe that Randy would do anything to hurt Luke. And he certainly didn't want to allow himself to think about what he would do to Rand.

"I know Maddie. I know," he said finally. "I've got my eye on them."

"Sugar, your head over heels for that boy, aren't you," he heard Maddie ask, her tone wistful as they watched Luke and Randy in the distance. Noah knew he should try to lighten the mood before they approached the other boys, otherwise his boyfriend would know something was up.

"Who Randy," He asked trying his best to sound offended. "God, no." Maddie burst into laughter after a second causing Noah to do the same.

Maddie burst into laughter again causing Noah to do the same.

"Does Luke know just how much of a dork you are," she asked shaking her head.

Noah smiled. "No, and you aren't going to tell him. Let's keep it between us. Luke thinks I'm practically James Dean in his eyes.

Maddie snorted and laughed again for a good few minutes. Noah smiled. He was glad to see her having fun, even if it was at his expense. "Yeaaaaaaa you keep telling yourself that," she said when she could speak again. "Let's go back to the boys McCool," she said poking fun at him as she gave her horse a small kick to get it moving in Luke and Randy's direction. Noah did the same and soon they were beside his boyfriend and Randy.

"I can't thank you enough Luke, for being such a good friend," Randy said turning to pull a surprised Luke into a hug. Noah watched his boyfriend hesitate before returning the gesture and was pleased to note that Luke felt awkward hugging the other man.

"Uh, thanks," Luke said patting Randy on the back. "I told you I would teach you. You still have a lot to learn though."

"And I'll make sure I don't fall off the horse next time," Randy said pulling out of the hug to place a kiss on Luke's cheek.

Noah narrowed his eyes. Was it just him or were those lips just a little too close to Luke's mouth for his liking. Kiss on the cheek indeed. He jumped down from his horse jut as Luke moved completely away from Randy. Noah put a possessive arm around him and pulled him close.

"Hey," Luke said smiling at him. Are you ready to eat?"

"Can I talk to you for a second…alone?" Noah pulled his blonde away before he even had a chance to respond to the question. HE didn't stop pulling him backwards until they were in the barn.

"Noah what is it?" Luke asked impatiently. "We're being awfully rude to Mads and Randy, leaving them like that."

"OH god, it just breaks my heart to think we're being rude to Randy," Noah spat. "Since he's been so fucking polite today.

"Okay, what's your problem" Luke asked bewildered. "Randy has been nothing but nice to you all day. And you haven't even given him a chance. I thought we talked about this."

"NICE TO ME?" Noah said practically shouting. "You call hitting on my boyfriend right in front of my face being NICE to me? He hasn't taken his eyes off of you once today, Luke. Noah knew he was talking too fast and he knew his voice was borderline yelling but he couldn't help it. He had watched Randy looking at, and flirting with HIS Luke all day. That kiss had been the last straw. HE was ready to scream a little.

"Noah," Luke said sounding a little tired, "I am really, really getting sick of this. Randy hasn't been hitting on me. We've all been together riding. I've been teaching him some things, so yes he does have to look at me and pay attention." Luke was gritting his teeth as he spoke. He didn't want his friends to hear them fighting. He always hated when couples fought around him; he knew it made everyone comfortable.

"He was paying attention to something but it certainly wasn't your teaching Luciano."

Luke sighed. He was so tired of this. Usually Noah's possessiveness was really sweet and it turned Luke on. But at the moment he was mildly irritated. He couldn't believe Noah was acting this way toward one of his friends.

"Noah…" he started, "I just don't know what to say to you anymore. You know Randy is just my friend, yet you still act this way. I don't do this shit to you and Maddie. And I'd have more reason. You've slept with her for God's sake, Noah."

"It's a totally different thing, Luke. And you know it."

"No, Noah it's not. Maddie is your friend, and Randy is mine. Randy had a crush on me when we first met him, I know that. But you dated Maddie. You made love to her. Yet you guys got past that to be friends. And Randy got past his attraction so he and I could be friends. You're the one making things complicated here, Noah…not him."

Noah didn't know what to say. He wanted to tell Luke it was different because Maddie could be trusted, but Randy couldn't be. He wanted to point out that Maddie was their friend, not just his, and that she loved them both. Maddie herself had said she wanted them to be happy together. He also wanted to mention to Luke that not once had Maddie tried to flirt with him or act like she was falling off a freaking horse to get his attention. He wanted to mention Maddie's suspicions, tell him that she didn't trust Randy and that it wasn't just him acting jealous. So much he wanted to say…but he stayed silent and just stared at his lover.

"Luke, baby," He said after a moment of silence. "I'm sorry that I yelled. It's just…I don't trust Randy. The way he looks at you it bothers me. I can't stand to see other men look at you like that. And the way he acts…it's like he doesn't take our relationship seriously. That makes me think he is just waiting around for us to break up. It's like he's waiting for me to mess up so he can swoop in and take my place."

Noah held his breath as Luke walked closer to him. The younger man placed his hands on Noah's hips and looked deeply into his eyes.

"Noah," he said softly, "I don't know why you're so insecure about this. Have I not proven to you that I only ever want you? I must not be as good a boyfriend as I thought if you're this threatened, if you think I would ever do anything to hurt you. I thought you trusted me a little more than that.

"No!No," Noah protested, as he rested his own hands on Luke's hips. "You…you're amazing. I know you love me. It's not you I don't trust, Luke. It's him."

"Trust me, Noah. Let Randy think we're not gonna last all he wants. That's just one more person we can say "I told you so" to in 50 years when we're still together." Luke allowed his arms to encircle Noah's waist and rested his chin on Noah's chest. He looked up to find his boyfriend staring back down at him.

Noah was still upset, but he couldn't resist his boy like this. He had longed to have Luke in his arms all day. He could talk serious matters with him later. Right now he just wanted this moment.

"You know Randy was only acting like he didn't know how to ride to get your attaint…right?" the words were out of Noah's mouth before he could stop them.

"Noah. He's never ridden before…he didn't know what to do." Luke pointed out.

"Neither have I, and I didn't need that much help." Noah wished he could just shut up before he ruined the moment they were having. But he couldn't help but try to get his point across

He was about to retract his statement when he noticed that gleam in Luke's eyes. He knew that spark, it usually led to his jeans fitting a little tighter.

"Yeah…" Luke said, a seductive hitch in his voice, "but I had already taught you how to…ride."

Noah couldn't help but burst into laughter and pull Luke even closer to him. "I can not believe you just said that. You have a dirty mind, Luke Snyder."

"I know…" Luke laughed, "But you love it, now shut up about Randy okay, and kiss me."

"Just one more thing before I do." Noah laughed when Luke groaned in frustration. "This isn't about Randy," he said, his voice soft and deep just for Luke. "This one's about Maddie. I never made love to her. I had sex. You're the only person I've ever made love to.

The noise Luke made this time bordered on a squeak as Noah lowered his head and captured Luke's mouth with his own. He felt Luke go up on his tip toes in an effort to get closer, and Noah tangled his fingers in that beautiful blonde hair.

He felt Luke's tongue licking at his bottom lip and he opened his mouth a little to allow Luke entrance. Luke's hands left Noah's waist, grabbed his shoulders and pulled him back into the stall door. Luke's tongue tangled with his own and he couldn't control his own hands as they skimmed down his lover's sides, settling on the small of his back.

It was amazing to Noah, how easily Luke could make him forget about everything else around them. Luke broke the kiss and moved to suck on Noah's earlobe. Noah couldn't help the moan that escaped his lips, even as he heard hay crunch signaling that someone else was in the barn with them.

"Whoa, looks like someone signed up for the advanced course. Do I get that lesson too?"

The boys jumped apart at the sound of Randy's voice, and Luke managed an embarrassed chuckle at Randy's "joke". Noah, on the other hand didn't find it very funny.

"I'm sorry for interrupting your moment boys." Noah watched Randy's eyes look Luke up and down, lingering on his messed up hair…hair that Noah messed up. It made him smirk a little as his arm went possessively around Luke.

"Well you certainly do have a knack for picking the best time to come in…huh Randy? But hey, it's not all your fault. Luka and I can't keep our hands off each other, so you're bound to keep interrupting…right?" Noah continued to smile, even when Luke turned to glare at him.

"Uhm yeah…I'll just go back and stand with Maddie and wait on you boys to uhm…finish." Noah couldn't have hidden his amusement at Randy's reaction even if he wanted to.

As Randy walked out of the barn, he turned Luke around and kissed him on the forehead.

"Was that necessary, Noah?"

"Yes."

Luke chuckled and Noah drew him closer for one more kiss.

"C'mon cowboy lets go back out."

**

They were arm and arm as they approached their friends who were talking by the barn. Both were seated atop their horses, though Bastien didn't seem too thrilled to have someone on his back.

Okay guys, c'mon," Luke sad as he approached Randy's mount. He reached out his hand to touch the horse's nose, and Noah noticed how much calmer the horse seemed from that simple touch. "It's time to put the horses back up. They've been ridden all day and they need a break. And honestly so do I," he smiled tiredly as he ran a hand through his hair. He patted Bastien on the head one more time before moving over to mount his own horse.

Noah and Maddie walked their horses into the barn with ease. Randy trailed behind them, and Luke brought up the rear. Once they were in the stables they stayed in their saddles awaiting Luke's instructions.

"Okay, guys, I'm going to have you hop off them one at a time," Luke explained, "and then you'll come out the stall so I can lock them back up." Noah watched as Luke jumped down with grace and ease, and then secured the lock on Ariel's stall door. Luke petted Ariel's nose before turning to face the others. "Okay, Randy. You're first. Jump off."

Randy made a show of trying to get off his horse and Noah sighed. He looked over at Maddie and they both rolled their eyes. It was obvious what Randy was doing. Noah only wished his boyfriend could see it too.

"Luke…do you think you could help me again," Randy asked in what Noah assumed was his "trying to sound sweet voice'.

"Oh for god's sakes Randy...you jumped off your horse earlier by yourself." Noah couldn't help but shout at him. If he thought no one knew what he was trying to pull he was crazy, and Noah certainly didn't mind calling him on it…not one bit.

"Yeah," Randy admitted, "But I wasn't in a stall with him before."

"What the hell difference does that make," Noah asked, stopping himself from asking if Randy meant the horse or Luke.

"Noah," Luke scolded him. "He's just nervous. Let it go." Noah sighed as Luke went into the stall with Randy and grabbed the man's hands to help ease him off of Bastien's back. Noah really didn't think it was necessary for Randy to have his face that close to Luke's, but once again he held his tongue.

Randy exited the stall first, with Luke right behind him so he could lock Bastien in. Noah slid down off of Mist's back, and Maddie dismounted as well, both of them standing aside as Luke secured the stalls.

"Now," Luke said once he was done, "_it's_ good manners after a good ride to kiss your horses nose. Let me show you." Watching Luke kiss Ariel's nose had to be the most adorable thing Noah had ever seen. He smiled and leaned in to look into Mist's eyes just as Luke had demonstrated. He placed a kiss right on her nose, and the horse turned slightly for Noah to pet it. He saw Maddie out of the corner of his eye and turned to face her.

"Looks like Randy's not having much luck with Bastien," she whispered. Noah turned and watched as Randy leaned in to hiss his horse. Sebastian backed away from him, retreating to the other end of the stall and huffed a few times. Noah hid a smile; at least someone is on my side. Good boy Bastien," he thought.

Luke took a moment to pet the horses again, and gave them treats. He explained that it was always a good idea to reward the horses for doing such a good job. He made sure they had food and water and then motioned for his friends to follow him out of the barn. Noah slung his arm around his boyfriend and pulled him closer. He was so tired; he hadn't realized horseback riding could be so invigorating. All the muscles in his legs and back were aching and he could hardly walk.

"Well guys, it's been fun. I think we're going to call it a day though," Noah heard his boyfriend say. "we're gonna head home."

"You guys want some alone time huh," Maddie teased.

"You can come to my house and chill if you want Luke," Randy piped in. "We can watch movies and such."

Noah couldn't believe Randy had the nerve to even ask. Hadn't Luke just said he wanted to go home? He was mad, and Randy was lucky he was so tired…otherwise he probably would have decked him.

"No," Luke responded. "I just want to go home, slip into our big bed and relax. I'm so sore from the riding."

Noah's scowl turned into a smile. It wasn't that he thought Luke would go, it was just nice hearing him tell Randy no.

"Oh, some other time then," Randy said shrugging his shoulders. Maddie glanced at the other man before turning to her friends.

"You two do look exhausted," she admitted. "And you were riding a lot longer than we were so go on home. Get out of here."

Noah kissed Maddie on the cheek, as did Luke before they parted ways. The lovers waited for Maddie and Randy to leave before they hopped into Noah's truck. "Do you want me to drive?" Luke asked even as he tried to stifle a yawn. Noah shook his head, though he didn't know ho he was going to drive home in this condition. Hi eyelids were closing on him and every time he shifted gears he felt a burning ache in his back. Luke rested his head on Noah's shoulder and they rode in silence the whole way home. Noah thought it was nice, the two of them were too tired to even talk. They just enjoyed being with each other.

By the time Noah pulled into the apartment complex his bones were screaming "hallelujah" at the thought of getting to lay down. He reached for Luke and they walked hand in hand into the building and down the hallway to their apartment.

No words were spoken as they entered as both of them had the same idea. They stripped their clothes off on the way to their bedroom and Noah made a dash for the bed as soon as it was in sight. He landed on the mattress face down, his arms and legs spread as he buried his face in the pillows. He could hear his boyfriend laughing at him, and a smile crossed his face.

"Are you tired baby?"

Mhmhmhmhmmh," Noah groaned from the pillows.

"Is their room for me up there?"

Noah turned over on his back and scooted over, opening his arms invitingly for his lover. Luke took his socks off before crawling up the bed towards Noah. He continued his craw until he reached Noah's mouth and he kissed him square on the lips.

When they broke apart, Luke inched a little lower and laid his head on Noah's chest. Noah wrapped his arms around him and sighed contentedly.

"I had a really good time today, baby."

"No you didn't." Noah felt Luke's belly move as he chuckled lightly

"Okay," Noah amended, "I would have had more fun if Randy hadn't been there. But I got to see another side of you. I got to enjoy something that's important to you and I did have fun."

Luke just sighed his acknowledgement.

"You know, I love you"

"I know," Luke mumbled weakly.

"Are you going to sleep on me right now?"

Luke nodded his head yes, his silky hair tickling Noah's chest. Noah managed a week smile, sleep sounded really good right about now.

"Hey Luke…I was thinking…would you want to go away this weekend? Just you and me?" Silence was his only response and he shifted to see if his boyfriend had heard him. "L…luke?"

His only response was the slow and steady breathing of his boyfriend. Noah smiled and ran his fingers through Luke's blond hair. He could ask Luke tomorrow…there was plenty of time. That was his last thought as he closed his eyes, sleep claiming him easily. 


	10. Chapter 10

Luke smiled when he felt a pair of arms wrap around him. He looked up from the book he'd been staring at and leaned into the embrace. "Hey, you made it back," he said with a contented sigh.

Noah kissed the tender spot on Luke's neck before planting a kiss on his lips. "Did you doubt that I would return to you?" he asked, moving away to take the seat beside Luke."

"Not even for a minute," Luke grinned. "Did you get what you needed from the store?"

"Noah nodded. "I promised your sisters they could have root beer floats tonight so I didn't want to disappoint them."

Luke shook his head and looked back down at his book. He loved how good Noah was to his siblings. He really thought he had the best boyfriend in the world.

"How's the studying going?" Noah asked placing a hand on his shoulder.

"It's going," Luke said closing the book, and turning to face Noah. "I think I am about as ready for this exam as I can be. And I would much rather spend time with you before we have to go to my parents' house."

"I'm sure you'll pass the test with no problems Luke. You don't need to study so much."

"Well, actually," Luke said, biting his lip as he looked away. "I wasn't studying this whole time. I was kinda thinking about our upcoming trip. I just don't know where we should go."

Noah's expression was thoughtful as he drummed his free hand on the table. He hadn't thought much past asking Luke if he wanted to go away. Now they needed to make plans. He really didn't care where they went. Any place was special when he was with Luke…and it was even better that they would be far away from Randy too. "Someplace romantic," he said raising his eyebrows suggestively.

Luke laughed appreciatively. "You are such a horn dog," he smiled. "I don't care where we go really, Noah. Just being with you is romantic to me."

Noah smiled and leaned in for another kiss. Just sitting here like this, kissing and talking was special to him, and he hoped they never lost that. "We still need to decide where though," he said when they pulled apart. "How about New York? We could spend some time in Times Square?"

"I'd love to go to New York," Luke said thoughtfully, "But we should save that for Christmas time. That way we can see the tree lighting and everything."

"I like that idea," Noah nodded. He reached out to grab Luke's notebook and the pen Luke was twirling so he could write down their choices. "Okay, New York for Christmas," he reiterated, as the pen scratched the paper. "Maybe we should take a trip every month. Just you and me getting away from life."

"I think we could swing that," Luke agreed. "But okay, so we know where we want to go next month now. You think we could decide where to go this Friday?"

Noah chuckled. "Okay so New York is out. What about Las Vegas?"

"And what exactly are we going to do in Las Vegas," Luke asked the laughter clear in his voice. "Wait let me guess, we'll find a chapel and Elvis will marry us right?"

"Don't be silly," Noah laughed as he fussed with Luke's hair. "If and when we get married Lance Bass will have to perform the ceremony or Richard Simmons."

Luke smiled and took Noah's hand, kissing it as he stared into those piercing eyes. "When we get married, Noah it will be right here in front of everyone we know and love. I would love to go to Las Vegas with you though." he said his thumb massaging Noah's hand. "I mean we can't go to the casinos but I'm sure we can find plenty of ways to occupy our time."

"Just what do you have in mind," Noah asked though he was sure he had a pretty good idea.

"Well," Luke said coyly," I just think it would be nice for us to be completely alone in a hotel room…with no interruptions. No phones," He said kissing Noah's hand again. "No computers." He leaned in close to his boyfriend and kissed him on the side of his mouth. He kissed a trail to his ear and shot out his tongue to lick the lobe. "And no pesky coworkers," he whispered causing Noah to shudder. His breath hitched when Luke bit his ear and he let out a soft moan. "Just you and me…" another kiss this one on his neck, and he wondered how much time they had before they had to get to Luke's parents' house.

"Luke…" he started, but his words were swallowed by those sensual lips that he hadn't realized were so close. He craved these kisses like a drug and he hoped Luke would never tire of giving them to him. It was sensual and sweet…his boyfriend tasted like Rocky Road ice cream. Why was it the thought of Luke eating ice cream turned him on?

He was breathless when Luke pulled away, and he shivered as a finger traced his bottom lip. "What do you say Noah," Luke's voice was husky and soft…Noah thought it was the sweetest sound he had ever heard. "You, and me, in a big king sized bed with silky sheets." He kissed him again, barely letting their lips touch before he pulled away. "Can't you imagine it Noah? The two of us at the hotel…where there's a hot tub, and a sauna…I bet we could create a lot of steam." Noah knew his breathing was ragged as those brown eyes looked at him with such playful desire. Luke's lips were just inches away from his, and he was smiling. God Noah loved that smile…and all he wanted to do was kiss it off that beautiful face.

"You're picturing me naked right now aren't you?" Noah couldn't deny it. His whole body betrayed him and he unconsciously licked his lips. He closed the distance between them, smashing his lips against Luke's causing the younger boy to slide backwards in his chair. Noah stood pulling Luke with him and pressed him up against the kitchen table. Luke returned his kisses with equal ferocity and he moaned into Noah's mouth. Noah's hands moved quickly; pulling off Luke's shirt and toying with the zipper on his jeans. He could feel Luke's hands trying to release him as well.

Noah's hands moved quickly to pull down Luke's jeans, and he slid the boxers down roughly before sitting Luke on top of the table. Luke moaned as his hands reached out to grab a hold of Noah's pants again. Noah caught Luke's hands and held them captive as he pulled away from their intense kiss.

"It's my turn," he said his voice husky and breathless as he looked deeply into Luke's eyes. The other boy whimpered and Noah captured his lips once more in a sensual kiss that could have burned holes in the table. He held Luke's hands in one of his own, while using the other to undo his pants. He swallowed Luke's moans and thrust his tongue down his throat. Noah wanted to devour every bit of his farm boy. He was hungry for one thing and one thing only.

It was the sweetest feeling in the world when his hands touched Luke again. He wanted to explore every inch of his boyfriend, nice and slowly…but his hardening cock had other ideas. Now as not the time to get Luke back for being a tease. That could come later…when there was more time.

"Noah," Luke gasped as he broke the kiss and begin to nibble on the younger boy's neck. "Please, Noah…oh god."

"What do you want Luciano," Noah asked his breath hot on Luke's ear, even as he pulled the boy closer to him. He rubbed their cocks together and then positioned himself at Luke's entrance.

"Please Noah," Luke said again pressing himself against Noah as much as he could. Noah stopped him again, captured those soft lips in another kiss and pressed inside his Luciano hard and fast. Luke let out a muffled scream as Noah continued to move inside him, making sure to hit that spot he knew Luke loved. There was something almost primal about this need he had for his blond boy and he knew it was only a matter of time before he exploded…but he was determined not to until Luke reached his peak.

"Oh, Noah," he heard his farm boy gasp. I'm about to…oh my god, I'm about to…." Luke's cry of ecstasy was the sweetest music Noah had ever heard and he buried himself deep inside his blond boy once more before releasing himself.

**

"We have to get up," Luke said lazily, though it didn't go unnoticed by Noah that he made no effort to move from his spot. Noah smiled and ran his fingers through the messy blond hair he loved so much. They were lying together on their kitchen floor, neither of them ready to leave this state of bliss.

"Your parents won't mind us being a little late, will they?"

Luke chuckled, and shifted so he could look up at his lover. "They may not, but Nat and Faith are expecting us. Someone promised them root beer floats."

"Guess I shouldn't let down the girls," Noah sighed, his voice still a little husky from the lovemaking. "We should get up." He gave Luke a lingering kiss before shifting so he could pull out of him. Luke groaned but he knew they really needed to move.

"We'll have more time for fun later," Noah promised as he helped his boyfriend up. He kissed him again, and realized too late what a mistake that was. When was a kiss with Luke ever just a simple kiss?

"MMMmm" Luke said his hands pressing against Noah's chest so he could push him away. "We have to get dressed, you dork. Or we'll never make it to my parents' house."

Noah stole one last kiss which made Luke laugh. Finally they managed to get themselves cleaned up and prepared to spend a nice evening with the Snyders.

**

Luke's phone rang just as they locked up the apartment. He threaded his arm through Noah's and smiled as he put his phone to his ear. "Hello?"

"Why hello there, my darling grandson. How nice of you to answer your phone."

"Grandmother," Luke laughed lightly. "I didn't realize you were trying to reach me. Is there something I can do for you?"

"I was actually calling for your mother. She is worried sick. Just worried sick that you haven't made it over here yet, Darling. Is everything alrigh? You are still coming to dinner aren't you? I was looking forward to meeting your young man, finally."

"Yes, Grandma," Luke smiled lovingly at Noah as they reached the truck. "We're on our way now. We just got a little sidetracked. We'll see you soon though?"

His grandmother's laughter filled his ears and he thought it was a wonderful sound. "Ah young love, it is such a beautiful thing. Don't think I am too old fashioned that I don't know what sidetracked means Luke. You tell that young man of yours he better behave. I don't want any funny business."

"Yes, Grandma. We'll see you soon. Tell Mom not to worry…I love you too." He chuckled as he closed his phone and turned to face Noah. The look on his boyfriend's face made him frown. "What's wrong?"

Noah turned his attention to the road and his hands clenched the steering wheel. "Your grandmother is going to hate me," He said after a few moments of tense silence."

"You were nervous when you met my parents too," Luke reminded him softly. "And they love you. My grandma can come on a little strong sometimes but she's sweet and good. She'll love you, because you make me happy." He settled his hand on the back of Noah's neck and began to rub it soothingly. He could feel his boyfriend's tense muscles relaxing ever so slightly as they inched closer and closer to their destination. By the time they reached the house, he could tell that Noah was still a little nervous. Luke had no doubt it would be okay, but he didn't blame Noah for being just a little scared. After all if wasn't everyday that someone got to meet Lucinda Walsh.

Even though Luke had said it would be okay, Noah couldn't help but feel a little intimidated. This wasn't just anyone in Luke's life that he was meeting. It was his Grandmother, the formidable Lucinda Walsh, CEO of a big corporation, and one of the richest ladies in Oakdale. She was also one of the people Luke was closest to. He had to make a good impression. If only he had had time to prepare…he didn't even know if he was wearing the proper clothes. Would she scoff at jeans and a Polo shirt? Would she scoff at his sneakers and insist that he go back home and find something more formal?

"Relax," Luke whispered into Noah's ear even as he took a hold of his hand.

"You do remember that the last time you told me to relax I ended up almost crying in front of your father, and totally freaked out," Noah reminded him.

Luke kissed his cheek, and gave his hand a reassuring squeeze. "I won't let you out of my sight this time, I promise."

"Ah you made it," a new voice joined the quiet and Noah looked up just in time to see the classy lady strolling towards them. No one could ever say that Lucinda Walsh didn't have style. To Noah she seemed to exemplify everything a strong woman should be. She had poise, and grace and this air about her that just took Noah's breath away.

"Hi, Grandma," Noah watched Luke give the older woman a hug. He was fascinated as he saw her kiss Luke once on each cheek, before wiping the lipstick off his face with her thumbs.

"Let me take a look at you," she said standing back to give him the once over. Noah waited patiently for his turn; for he knew it would come. "My darling boy, I do believe you get even more handsome each time I see you."

"Grandma" Luke said his cheeks flushing crimson as he looked away for a moment. His eyes locked with Noah's and he reached for his hand, beckoning him to step forward. "There's uh someone I want you to meet Grandma. He pulled Noah close and smiled at him as he continued. "This is Noah. Noah, I want you to meet my grandmother, Lucinda Walsh."

"It's a pleasure to meet you Ma'am," Noah said extending his hand. He was taken aback when instead of shaking his hand, Lucinda pulled him into her arms and proceeded to place a kiss on both of his cheeks.

"It's a pleasure to finally meet you, Noah," Lucinda responded as Luke stood back watching the exchange. "A pleasure indeed to finally meet the young man who has captured my grandson's heart. Between you and me, I think Luke has very good taste."

"Grandmother," Luke exclaimed as Noah turned ten shades or red. He wasn't used to this type of scrutiny, but he liked it that surprised him more than anything else.

"What," Lucinda exclaimed. "is it a crime to speak the truth? You have a very handsome young man here, Darling. And you know what; I want to do something special for you. You just name it, and it will be done."

"You don't have to do anything for us Grandma," Luke said shaking his head.

"Nonsense," Lucinda said in that voice that left no room for argument. "Darling if I want to do something nice for my grandson and his boyfriend then I will do so. I will do so post haste. Maybe a trip or some sort. The Jet could be at your disposal whenever you need it. Just say the word."

"A private jet," Noah spoke up. He was in awe of the woman that stood before them. She could command such presence. "And we are actually planning to go away soon. Did we decide where we were going?" Noah asked turning his attention to his boyfriend.

"We decided on Nevada," Luke reminded him softly getting lost for a moment in Noah's eyes.

"Then it's settled," Lucinda's voice broke the spell the two boys had cast. "I will have the jet ready for you on Friday when you boys finish working. And I will not take no for an answer."

"Yes, Grandma.

"Yes, Ma'am," Noah said at the exact same moment. The boys looked at each other and burst into giggles.

Lucinda shook her head and turned to give them some privacy. "Ah, young love," she muttered under her breath.

"Are you guys going to stand out there all night or are you going to come in and eat," a new voice called out to them. "I don't know about anyone else but I sure would love to see my sons today so I can hug them today."

Noah smiled. His heart swelled every time Lily thought of him as a son. She had told him just two weeks ago that he could call her mom if he wanted to. It was something he was considering.

"We're coming Mom," Luke said taking Noah's hand and pulling him toward the house. Out of the corner of his eye Luke noticed his grandmother on the phone speaking with authority. As his family circled him and Noah, everyone clamoring for a hug, he could have sworn he heard the word jet. He smiled and shook his head as he concentrated completely on his little sister who was trying to talk to him.

**

"Does anyone want seconds?"

"Mom can I have another Root Beer float please?"

"Noah, I wrote down the recipe for the dip we talked about.

"Dinner was delicious darling, simply delightful. Am I right to hear we can add cooking to your list of talents young man?"

"Luke stop drinking out of Noah's glass, you have your own!"

Noah smiled as the conversations continued to go on around him. Dinner with the Snyders was never boring. It still amazed Noah that there could be so much activity going on at the dinner table. With his father, dinner was a time for food and nothing much else. He would be severely reprimanded if he dared start a conversation while consuming a meal. It was supposed to be a time of quiet reflection; winding down from the day and thinking about how to better your tomorrow.

"Noah?" Luke's voice drew him out of his thoughts. He turned to face his boyfriend and smiled. "We have dish duty tonight," Luke told him, placing a hand on his shoulder. "And Faith and Nat both are clamoring for another float. Do you think we brought enough ice cream?"

"Oh, yeah, I think there is enough," Noah said looking around the table. Everyone was getting up and taking their dishes to the sink. Natalie sat to his right with her hands folded waiting patiently for another float while Faith helped Aaron release their little brother from his high seat. Dinner was over, but everyone still seemed to be having a good time. Noah was just in awe of this family, and he was glad to be a part of it.

"Are you okay?"

Once again his boyfriend's voice pulled him back to the present. He smiled reassuringly and stood from his seat. "I'm more than fine," he said pulling Luke out of his chair and into a warm embrace. "I'm very happy to be here with you and your family," he whispered so only Luke could hear him.

"I'm happy too," Luke said kissing him softly before pulling completely away. "Now come on. We have floats to make."

**

"Noah why does Luke keep drinking out of your glass?"

Noah shared a private look with Luke before turning his attention to Natalie. "Its okay, Nat. We're sharing. It's his glass too.

"Why?" Luke's sister asked.

"Because we didn't want to make more dishes." Luke said with a laugh. Are you done with your Root Beer?" he asked."

He and Noah watched as Natalie focused on getting every last drop through the straw. "I'm done," she said. Can I have another?"

"Not this close to bed time," Luke said shaking his head. "We're not going to be responsible for you being up all night."

"Oh no you aren't pulling me into this," Noah laughed when the little girl turned those puppy dog eyes on him. "I'm going to agree with your brother on this one Nat. It's too late for more Root Beer. Maybe next time, okay?"

Reluctantly she nodded and slipped away from the table. Lily called to her from the living room, and after giving her brother and Noah a hug she scampered away. The boys waited until she was gone before finishing up their float and starting on the dinner dishes.

"What are you thinking about," Luke asked as he passed Noah a plate to dry.

Noah dried the plate and put it in the cupboard before turning to answer Luke's question. "Nothing special really," he admitted. "Just thinking how nice it is to be in your parents' house washing dishes with you."

"Only you could find washing dishes together romantic, Noah."

Noah shrugged. You don't agree?"

Luke's expression was thoughtful as he passed another dish his boyfriend's way. "Actually, I do agree. I like sharing the small things with you. He smiled and leaned in to give Noah a kiss. "You would be the one to make me like doing chores."

Noah laughed. He was well aware of the fact that Luke preferred farm chores to the everyday household stuff like laundry and dishwashing. A soft smile crossed his lips when he felt Luke's arms slip around his waist and the younger boy rested his head on Noah's back.

"I love you Noah."

Noah put away the last dish and turned to pull Luke into an embrace. "I love you Luciano, and as much as I adore your family I can't wait to have you all to myself next weekend."

A shudder was his only response as they stood there in the Snyder kitchen completely oblivious to the world around them.

**  
Luke felt a sense of triumph when he set his pen down on the desk. He breathed a sigh of relief and picked up his test paper, his eyes scanning it quickly; trying to make sure he had covered everything he wanted to say. Sometimes his thoughts went faster than he could write them down but he thought he had done a fairly decent job. His eyes lingered on the last essay question; he knew he needed to read over this one carefully…just to be on the safe side.

_In class we discussed a practical theory of relationships which showed a three-stage theory of marriage and other long-term committed relationships. Show the main concepts of this theory, how it predicts and helps people understand attachment and problems in marriage, how it relates to Jung's theory of personality blueprints, and what it shows is necessary to enter the third stage of marriage. _

Luke could write a whole dissertation on this topic and he thought he did a fairly decent job explaining all the concepts as he had learned them in class. It also helped that he could draw from his own life to help support his thoughts. He hoped his professor agreed. He picked up his pen again and thoughtfully chewed on the top as he reread his essay. He stopped a moment to jot down another thought before he was satisfied with his response.

With confidence he walked up to the front of the room and placed his test on top of the pile. The test had taken longer than he expected, and he was running late. He knew Noah was waiting for him at home, and he couldn't wait to see him.

"Luke, wait up," he heard a voice call as he headed to his car. He stopped and looked over his shoulder, smiling when he saw Randy running towards him.

"Hey" he greeted when his friend came to a stop beside him. "Did you have a late exam too?"

Randy shook his head. "I had to meet with Dr. Walters about my final paper. Since we're both here, did you want to go grab a bite to eat?"

"I can't," Luke said shaking his head as he continued towards his car. "I am running late as it is. Noah is expecting me home, we're cooking tonight. And we still need to pack. I'll catch up with you when we get back. I really gotta go, Randy."

**Luke could hear the faint sounds of chopping when he entered the apartment. It was one of the many small things that made him smile. Coming home to Noah was always a nice thing, but there was something extra special about days such as this. He slipped out of his coat, and placed it and his bag on the couch before heading to the kitchen.

Noah looked up and smiled when Luke entered the kitchen. Their eyes said hello, and Luke went immediately to the sink to rinse off his hands while Noah cut potatoes over a strainer. There was an onion sitting on the counter, and Luke immediately set to chopping it up. They both loved onions, but Noah hated to cut them…Luke was more than happy to do that part,

Once he was done preparing the onions, Luke took the potatoes from Noah and gave them a rinse before mixing in the cut onion. Noah turned on the burner and set a pan to heat, leaving Luke to work on that while he started on their steak. It wasn't long before the smell of potatoes and onions filled their kitchen, and the meat was in the oven. Luke prepared the broccoli to steam and Noah set the table, complete with candles, which made Luke smile. He waited for his boyfriend to turn away from the table before slipping into his arms, and greeting him with a proper hello.

"Hello to you too," Noah said breathlessly as he held Luke close for a moment. "I missed you today."

"You saw me this morning in our English class," Luke reminded him. "But I missed you too."

Noah smiled, and kissed him once more before slipping away. "Is White Grape juice okay to drink with dinner?" he asked even as he pulled the bottle out of the refrigerator.

"Perfect," Luke replied, already reaching for glasses from the cupboard. "Are we still having the pie Grandma made for desert?"

"Yes," Noah said as he checked on the steak. "We really should finish that up before we leave tomorrow.

"That smells good," Luke said breathing in the aroma as he pulled down their plates. Noah removed the meat from the oven and turned the burner on low so that the potatoes would reheat. Luke poured the drinks and Noah pulled Luke's chair out for him, and pushed it in when he sat down. Luke smiled as Noah placed the plates on the table and slipped into the seat beside him.

"You can be such a romantic," Luke said softly. "You know you don't have to pull my seat out for me."

"Are you complaining," Noah asked cocking an eyebrow as he prepared his napkin on his lap."

"No, it's just you're so good to me," Luke admitted softly, "And I just love this, us doing things together. Did I tell you I live for Thursdays?"

Noah smiled, taking a sip of his juice as he looked lovingly at Luke. "Someone was late this Thursday," he teased.

"I'm sorry about that. My test ran later then I thought…I left as soon as I could, and Randy stopped me as I headed to my car" Luke shrugged. "I didn't talk to him long though since I was trying to get home."

"What did he want?" Noah asked casually.

"He wanted to know if I could grab a bite to eat with him, but of course I said no" Luke said focusing on cutting his steak into portions.

Noah closed his eyes and sighed. HE certainly wasn't going to let talk of Randy ruin the good mood he was in. He was secretly glad that Luke told the other man no…but it irritated him that Randy tried to throw Luke off his routine from time to time. Noah was grateful that Tuesdays Thursdays, and Fridays were as important to Luke as they were to him. That was why he tolerated Luke's friendship with the intern.

"How was your test," Noah asked breaking the silence that had fallen as they ate. "Do you think you passed?"

Luke nodded and took a sip of his own juice. "The essay questions were very thought provoking. I liked the last one especially; it was about the theory of relationships including the three-stage theory of marriage and other long-term committed relationships. I could do a whole dissertation on that topic."

"I just bet you could," Noah said proudly. "I Love that you are so talented and smart."

"Says the man who is just as talented, just as smart, and always my inspiration."

He reached his hand across the table and took a hold of Noah's twining their fingers together as they looked into each other's eyes. There were no words to express what they were feeling in that moment. Only one thing was for sure…there was definitely something special about Thursday

**

Friday was a blur of sorting, filing, filming and editing. Luke couldn't remember it ever being this busy at the end of the week. He was anxious for the day to be over. He and Noah had to go straight to the airport after work, and in his estimation 5pm couldn't come fast enough.

""Hey Luke, Noah wanted me to tell you to check your phone," Maddie said breaking Luke's concentration. He turned and saw his best friend leaning against the door frame.

"OH thanks," he said pulling out his phone as he smiled at his best friend. Maddie came into the room and closed the door ass Luke checked out the text message Noah had sent him. "He's such a door," he said a minute laugher laughing as he responded and closed his phone.

Maddie smiled. It was nice to see Luke happy. She had to admit that even if it still hurt a little, Luke and Noah belonged together. That became more apparent every day. "So you two are going to Vegas huh?"

"Noah told you?" Luke asked with a nod. He took a seat and beckoned his best friend to join him. It had been a while since they had talked about anything not involving work.

"Yeah," Maddie laughed. I don't think I've heard him talk so animatedly about something in a long time. He wasn't even this excited about the special edition Casablanca dvd."

Luke shook his head and placed his phone on the desk. "He's like a school kid sometimes isn't he? It's really adorable to watch." He smiled at her for a moment before getting serious. A frown crossed his features and he saw a look of concern cross Maddie's face."

"IS something wrong, Luke?" she asked cautiously. "You want to go on this trip with Noah don't you?"

"Yes," Luke said without fail. "Yes, definitely. It's not that, Maddie…not that at all. I'm just…well I guess I'm worried about you.."

"OH I see,." Maddie said with a smirk. "You're starting to feel bad about leaving me and Randy here to fend without you this weekend. Well it's a little too late for that buddy."

Luke laughed, breaking the tension and Maddie joined him for a moment. It was nice to laugh with her again, he had missed that. It seemed like they hadn't done it in a long time. "Very funny," He said when the laugher had calmed down. "Actually I was thinking about you and me. I miss this, you know just you and me laughing and being able to talk about everything. I miss days like last Saturday when we talked in the barn."

"When you told me stories about Noah," Maddie smiled fondly. "I miss days like that too Luke and I know what you mean. It does seem like things are still strained between us, and I don't want that. I want you to be able to talk to me."

"And vice versa," Luke countered. "You should be able to tell me anything and everything and know that I will listen without judgment."

"And I don't mind if you talk about Noah from time to time," Maddie admitted softly. "I love you guys," she smiled and sniffed laughing off the fact that she was about to cry. "I care about you both a lot and its important to me to stay a part of your world. And when you come back from Vegas there may or may not be someone I want you to meet. You'll have to tell me if he's the right one for me…and I promise I will listen to you this time when you tell me not to do something."

"OH really?" Luke said raising an eyebrow. Maddie blushed and Luke kissed her on the cheek. "Don't even try it Mads, I know you remember."

Maddie sighed. "Don't tell Noah, okay? I am not sure where this is going yet or if it is anything serious. But I have a date tonight…his name is James."

"IS he cute?" Luke asked crossing his arms in front of him.

"Yes, as a matter of fact. He's even cuter than Noah."

"NO way he's cuter than Noah," Luke laughed with a shake of his head. "But I will let you have your delusions."

"You are such a jerk," Maddie joked swatting playfully. "Do I at least get a hug before you leave me?"

Luke smiled and gladly wrapped his arms around his friend. He was truly glad to hear that she had met someone new. He hoped this worked out for her. She deserved someone who could make her as happy as Noah made him.

"Do you think we could try this double date thing when you and Noah get back," Maddie asked pulling away from him.

"You want to go on another double date with me?" Luke asked, laughing uncontrollably at the memory of their last double date."

"Maddie giggled too, she could remember Luke's episode with the water glass fairly well."

"IF James has no problem with us, Noah and I would be more than happy to join you, Maddie…if that is what you really want. I think you will have to give him the crash course on how to understand Noah Mayer…that can be a very hard class.."

"I swear sits hard to find good help these days," Noah practically shouted as he entered the room. Maddie and Luke turned and focused their dark eyes on him.

"What's wrong baby?" Luke asked, attempting to calm Noah down, and bury the urge to laugh.. The expression on his boyfriend's face was a mixture between scandalous and appalled.

"Oh, nothing," Noah said with a sigh. "Just the fact that some moron forgot to put the tape in the video recorder so now we have to re-film today's segment and yesterdays too. God how hard is it to put a tape in."

Luke opened his mouth to speak but he didn't know what to say. He looked at Maddie who shook her head, her mouth open wide as well. Together they looked at Noah, then looked at each other and burst into laughed. The sound startled Noah who was fiddling with a camera and he watched his boyfriend and his friend curiously for a moment before catching on to the hilarity of the situation too. When Randy found them at four, the three friends were talking animatedly and still bursting into random fits of laughter.

Maddie insisted on giving them a small going away party and Luke hugged her and told her to have a good date with James that night. Noah hugged Maddie too and shook hands with Randy as a sign of being civil. Luke shook Randy's hand too, a fact which didn't go unnoticed by Noah. He was pleased by this, and he tried hard not to show it. At five on the nose they bid everyone good bye once more and practically ran out the station door.

**

"Alone at last," Noah said as they settled into their seats on the plane. Luke reached for Noah's hand and watched silently for a moment as his boyfriend took in his surroundings. "I've never been on a private jet before," he said his blue eyes full of awe as he looked into Luke's brown ones.

"I haven't either, really," Luke laughed. "It was very nice of Grandma to allow us to use it. "Are you ready for our vacation?"

Noah kissed Luke's hand and leaned over to kiss him softly on the lips. "I was ready the moment you said yes," he whispered in Luke's ear before nipping it. Luke let out a contented sigh and kissed Noah once more before they heard a voice over the intercom. They were instructed to buckle their seatbelts for takeoff. When the seatbelt off was off they would be free to wander around as they pleased. The pilot told them to enjoy their flight. Luke looked at Noah and smiled, he was thrilled that he was sharing this adventure with him. He couldn't wait until they could get up and explore the plane more.

"Wow this plane has everything," Noah exclaimed as they walked around the expanse of the plane.

"I Know," Luke said, rubbing his hand lovingly over some wood paneling. "Grandma appreciates nice things…expensive things, and this plane is full of her elegance and grace. "There's even a master bedroom on here and did you see the leather seats? And just the fact that you can pretty much walk around the plane," at that second the plane rocked and Luke squeezed Noah's hand tighter as he tried not to fall. "Until it does that," he quipped pulling Noah back to their seats.

"What happened, Luke?" Noah asked panicked for the first time since they took off.

Before Luke could answer the voice of the pilot came over the intercom. "Mr. Snyder, I need you and Mr. Mayer to fasten your seatbelts again. It seems we have hit a patch of turbulence."

"We're fastening our seatbelts now Charles," Luke let him know even as he heard the click of Noah's belt. "There is no problem besides the turbulence right?"

"Luke, let him fly the plane," Noah whispered. He didn't like the sound of turbulence…that was never fun.

Luke looked at his boyfriend and squeezed his hand tightly. "Its okay, Noah. Charles has everything under control.

"Everything is fine, Mr. Snyder," the pilot responded. "The clouds are just making things a bit difficult but it's nothing I can't manage. I will have you at your destination in no time."

"Thank you so much, Charles," Luke said, his thumb grazing Noah's hand, sending soothing vibes his way. "Baby this isn't your first time on a plane is it?"

Noah swallowed a couple of times before Looking at Luke. "Of course not! I've flown many times."

Luke shook his head and reached out to stroke Noah's cheek. He turned the brunet to face him and brought their foreheads together for a moment. "you are not alone, Noah and I think I have the perfect way to distract you."

"Yeah?" Noah said his voice thick with something that wasn't quite fear.

Luke unbuckled Noah's seatbelt and pulled him over to his chair. He wrapped the belt around both of them. Noah was bewildered, not quite sure what his boyfriend was up to. "You won't be scared if we are cuddling," Luke explained as he positioned himself right on Noah. He wrapped his arms around Noah and waited for Noah to do the same before he kissed him.

The kiss was deliberately slow, and sensual. Luke's hands slipped under Noah's shirt, touching bare skin as their kiss deepened. He could feel Noah's hands too and he pressed their bodies closer together, completely losing himself in Noah.

Noah forgot about the turbulence and spent the rest of the flight in a haze. All he remembered was Luke's lips and those hands touching his skin. They were interrupted by the pilot, informing them that they were about to arrive at their destination. Reluctantly Noah let go of Luke and scooted back over to his seat, securing his seatbelt in place.. Luke did the same and they were ready to land. Noah was excited. There was something really nice about experiencing all these firsts with Luke. He would never grow tired of it.

"Welcome to Las Vegas, Noah," Luke said as they walked off the plane. Noah knew his boyfriend was as awestruck as he was. There seemed to be so much excitement going on around them and at the moment they were only trying to get to their hotel. They had reservations at the Bellagio, which was supposed to be one of the best hotels in Las Vegas. Noah was already thinking that they needed to do something nice for Luke's grandmother when they got back. No matter how much she said she wanted to do this, he wanted to pay her back somehow.

"Reservations for Snyder please," Luke's voice brought Noah back to the presence. They had been standing in line for quite awhile and at times he thought the line would never move.

"I'm sorry there are no suites available at this time," the front desk attendant said, and Noah grimaced. The man sounded so nasally and arrogant; and what did he mean there were no suites? He knew Luke's grandma had made the reservations.

"Excuse me," Luke said, and Noah knew this attendant was in for a fight if he thought he could tango with The Snyder Stubbornness.

The attendant looked dismissively at Luke and turned his eyes on Noah as well before sniffing and averting his gaze. "There are no suites available, as I already stated sir. There is a single room available on the fifteenth floor, and another on," the guy tinkered with his computer again, and Noah could tell that Luke was growing slightly annoyed. Perhaps he hadn't reached angry just yet? "There is a room on the eighteenth floor, you can decide between the two of you who takes what room."

"We have reservations," Luke said in what Noah knew as his "I am slowly but surely getting ticked off" voice. "For two, in the penthouse suite. The reservations were made under the name Luke Snyder, and my guest, Noah Mayer, and we would like the key to our suite please."

"I already told you that Suite was given to someone more deserving," The attendant said crossly. Now you either take what you are given or get out of here. There are actual customers who have a right to be served waiting behind you. More along."

"OH you did not just say that to me," Luke said and Noah cringed. Now his boyfriend was angry. Noah waited with baited breath to hear Luke's tirade, all the while looking around to see if there was someone else who could help them out. "This is ridiculous and what you are doing is wrong, Oscar," Luke said looking at the name tag of the clerk. "Perhaps you don't realize who I am."

"I don't care who you are," the attendant hissed. "I want you to leave and take him with you. We don't need your kind here."

Luke placed his hands on the counter and Noah spotted an official looking guy walking towards them. As the man came closer Noah realized it was a concierge….one who was a member of The Golden Keys. Noah was in awe…he had only seen members of that elite group in movies…this city was just so cool.

"His name," Luke said getting into the desk attendant's face, "Is Noah Mayer. He's the son of a distinguished COL in the army, and I'm the grandson of Lucinda Walsh. You do know who that is don't you? I don't think she'd be too happy to know you were discriminating against her grandson."

"I'm calling security," the desk attendant stated bitterly. "YOU won't be getting any service from this hotel." The desk attendant's hand was on the phone, but before he could pick it up a firmer hand settled on top, and Luke looked to see the concierge looking at him quizzically.

"Is there a problem sir?" the concierge asked. Noah noted that he sounded ten times nicer than the desk clerk. Perhaps they would be okay now. "I couldn't help but overhear you say you are the grandson of Ms. Lucinda Walsh? A fine woman and one of our most esteemed clients.

Luke crossed his arms and then thought better of it. He looked at Noah and reached out to take his hand so they could show a united front with the concierge. Noah glared daggers at Oscar who's hand was still trapped under the bigger man's.

"Yes sir," Luke said answering the concierge's question. "I am not trying to cause any trouble, and I apologize for making a scene. My grandma made reservations for us to stay here in the penthouse suite for the weekend and he," Luke nodded towards Oscar, "said there were no suites available. And then he tried to give us separate rooms on two separate floors."

"Is this true Oscar?" The concierge faced the desk attendant who didn't have much to say for a change.

"He told us our kind didn't belong here," Noah piped up, feeling he needed to do something to back up Luke's story. "We just got off the plane, Sir and we want to check into out suite so that we can go sightseeing before nightfall. Is that too much to ask? We don't mean anyo9ne no harm?"

Luke looked at his boyfriend and brought their joined hands up to his lips. Noah could see in those dark eyes that Luke was proud of him. That itself was worth its weight in gold.

The concierge removed his hand from off top of Oscar's and told him kindly to clock out and wait for him in his office. When Oscar protested the concierge barked at the man, and the sound even made Luke jump and take notice. The man was calm once more when he faced them again.

"Let me apologize again, Mr. Snyder for the way you and Mr. Mayer were treated. We strive here at the Bellagio to treat our guests with respect and dignity. Please do not let this incident cloud your judgment of our establishment." He began typing things into the computer, and he asked Luke to spell his name and then there was silence for a few minutes as he continued to tinker with the computer. "Ah yes, I do see it here…penthouse suite for Mr. Luke Snyder and Mr. Noah Mayer. How long are you staying?" He asked as he continued to type.

"Just until Sunday," Luke responded. "This is our first real trip together."

"AH, yes young love. Well is this your first time in the city as well?" he looked up at them and waited for their response before continuing. "Well there are plenty of things for young people to do here, especially young people in love. May I suggest a moonlit gondola ride, including serenade and dinner for two right here at our very own five star restaurant. And because you had such difficulty with Oscar I would like to make it up to you. I'm sure that once the maitre'D knows that the grandson of Mrs. Walsh is here they will have no problem treating you like royalty."

"That's not really necessary, sir," Luke said but the concierge cut him off.

"Nonsense. It's the least we can do to make sure you enjoy your stay. Now Ralph will take your bags to your suite, you can follow right behind him. I t thank you again for staying with us..You enjoy and if you have any questions about tours and tickets I am the man to call."

**  
"You were amazing," Noah said pulling Luke into his arms. They were finally in their suite, their bags by the door and the bellhop had just left them alone.

"I don't think I did anything that great," Luke stated, his eyes locked on Noah's sapphire gaze. "I probably shouldn't have gone off like that, and…can you forgive me for mentioning your dad? I didn't like how the guy was pointing at you and I just snapped. I mean you aren't a speck of dirt Noah."

"Actually I think it's quite sexy when you're angry," Noah admitted as he closed the distance between them. The kiss lasted only a moment but the feel of Luke's lips lingered as he looked at him again. "And don't worry about mentioning my father's name. in fact let's not talk about my dad, or your family for the rest of the weekend. I just want to focus on you. Is that a deal?"

Luke nodded and Noah pulled him into a hug. They stood like that for what seemed like hours before Noah pulled away and kissed his boyfriend's forehead. "We need to unpack, and the concierge said something about a gondola ride.

**

Sunlight was already streaming through the window when Noah opened his eyes and immediately pulled his boyfriend closer. There was something very peaceful about watching the other man sleep. He loved feeling the slight rise and fall of Luke's chest. He reveled in hearing the steady beat of his heart and his fingers longed to touch the tendrils of hair that always seemed to fall in his eyes. His lips were curved in a contented smile, and Noah almost hated to wake him up.

He liked moments like these, when he could wake up to Luke in his arms. He loved watching his farm boy sleep, and he loved kissing him awake each and every day. There was no way to truly express just how in love with Luke he really was. He didn't have to think about it, he just knew that this was right. HE was where he wanted to be in this moment and he could already see his future with Luke so clearly. A smile crossed his lips at the thought of them celebrating five years together and then ten. He didn't doubt that they would be as happy as they were now…still taking trips together…still as much in love as they were at the beginning. He knew they would have their problems, but one of the things he loved about them was the fact that they talked it out. He knew that he could talk to Luke about anything and even if they fought they would get through it together. They really were stronger together.

Just when he was about to give in to the urge to kiss him, he felt Luke stir in his arms. Those warm brown eyes fluttered open and he was greeted with a sleepy gaze full of love. "Good morning, Sleeping Beauty," Noah laughed softly. "I was just about ready to give you a kiss."

"I could always close my eyes again if you want me to," Luke teased, a yawn escaping his lips as he tried to smile.

Noah leaned in to catch Luke's bottom lip in his teeth. He nibbled lightly causing Luke to giggle. "You don't want to kiss me yet," He said pushing Noah away. "I have morning breath."

"So do I," Noah countered, sweeping those lips into an inviting kiss. He felt Luke's hands travel down the length of his body, and he moaned as his blond boy squeezed his inner thigh. He swatted Luke's hand away and pulled the man closer to him crushing their bodies together. It didn't take long to ignite the fire between them yet again. Noah effortlessly slipped inside and thrust fast causing Luke to cry out his name.

"I hope I'm not hurting you Luciano," he whispered, nipping his boyfriend's ear as he continued to move inside him."

"No," Luke gasped. "Just…keep...doing…that…" Noah knew his boyfriend was putty in his hands, and he knew he could do just about anything to Luke and he would love it. Right now though he just wanted to take him slowly; he wanted to enjoy every moment of this, being inside his lover…it was like coming home.

**

"I love you Noah." Luke's voice was husky to his ears and he pulled the blond boy closer to him. "I'm glad I'm here with you. This is nice."

Noah kissed Luke softly on the lips and smiled. "I like it too…and if I can wake up with you like that every day I would be quite contented."

Luke smiled and made lines on Noah's chest. "We do wake up this way every morning," He reminded him.

"I hope that never changes," Noah replied softly. He kissed Luke's nose and his cheeks before once again claiming those full lips he craved.

"Are you hungry?" Luke asked a few minutes later. For food," he clarified when Noah raised his eyebrows. "You have such a dirty mind you dork." His tone was playful as he swatted Noah and reached over him to grab the folder off the table. Noah propped himself up on an elbow and watched as Luke pored over the menu choices. After a long moment Luke reached for the phone to place an order. "What are you ordering?" He asked, brushing his fingers along Luke's thigh."

Luke swatted his hand away and shushed him, causing Noah to chuckle softly. His blond boy was up to something. He was sure of it when he heard his boyfriend ask for extra cream to go with the crepes.

"What?" Luke said turning to face him. Noah shook his head and pulled Luke back down next to him. "You like what I ordered for breakfast?"

Noah laughed and kissed him hungrily before answering his question. "I love what you ordered for breakfast. And I'm going to love feeding you every single morsel." Luke's deep throated chuckle was the last sound he heard before claiming those lips once again.

**

Noah watched his boyfriend pull on a robe to go answer the door. He thought it was a pity that that perfect body had to be covered up, but in this instance it was okay since no one else needed to see his Luciano naked. "Are you taking your time with that tray on purpose," he asked as he watched Luke fuss with the breakfast items.

"Patience my love," Luke said looking over his shoulder. He winked at Noah and went back to arranging the fruit and crepes just right with the cream in the middle. He slipped out of his robe, giving Noah a nice view as he made his way back over to the bed. Noah held the tray while Luke slipped under the blankets, and the food was placed in between them.

Luke looked deep into Noah's blue eyes as he picked up a piece of melon. He dipped the fruit into the cream and brought it to Noah's lips, Juice dribbled down that perfect chin before Noah opened his mouth to accept the treat. Luke allowed him to bite it before taking it away and promptly kissing him.

This kiss was deep…sensual…and short-lived. Luke pulled away and triumphantly chewed the piece of melon, all the while feeding Noah another piece. Noah laughed, taking a hold of Luke's hand as he accepted the fruit. He chewed the melon and swallowed, and then proceeded to lick each of Luke's fingers.

Luke shuddered, but pulled his hand away to focus on the tray before them. There was a blueberry crepe somewhere on the tray with Noah's name on it. Luke had ordered it special because he knew it was his lover's favorite. Before he could find the desired treat he was distracted by a chocolate covered strawberry moving back and forth across his vision.

He turned to face Noah and was just opening his mouth to speak when Noah pushed the strawberry through his open lips. He bit the fruit and moaned at the exquisite taste. He kissed Noah passionately, sharing the goodness with him. Their tongues wrestled and their teeth clicked as they both tried to victoriously snatch the fruit."

After a few minutes of intense kissing, Luke allowed Noah to eat the berry and broke the embrace. He playfully nibbled on Noah's lower lip for a moment before once again trying to find that damned pastry. His eyes brightened when he spotted it, and he turned to grin at Noah.

"I want you to close your eyes, Love. I have a special treat for you." A smile Noah couldn't see crossed his face as he turned back to dip the pastry into the cream. He had to sit and stare for a moment; his boyfriend was so beautiful sitting there expectantly with his eyes closed…and his mouth open. He licked his lips and took a bite of the pastry, purposely smearing blueberry over his lips before leaning in to tease Noah.

"Mmmmmm," Noah moaned as Luke's lips touched his. "Blueberries." Luke watched his boyfriend licked his lips, and he used the treat to trace Noah's perfect mouth before sticking it in the hole. He almost moaned himself when Noah's mouth clamped down on the pastry and he started to suck and bob his head.

"Noah," Luke gasped half alarmed half turned on. "I don't want you to choke on the crepe!" Noah bit into the pastry and started to chew. There was blueberry sauce dribbling down his chin and Luke was dying to lick it off of him. "You are making a mess, Mayer," he chuckled. Noah grinned at him as he swallowed and licked his own lips.

They continued like this, feeding each other and sharing kisses in between each bite. It was a messy excursion but very well worth it for the both of them. Before they knew it there was one pastry left and Luke suggested that they share it.

He smeared some of the cream on top and broke a piece off. He pressed the fruity bread into Noah's mouth, allowing his fingers to stay inside for a moment to be sucked on. Noah broke off another piece and repeated the process, making sure Luke had a chance to feast on his fingers as well.

Luke abandoned the pastry, deciding instead that he wanted to feast on Noah. He lavished that hand with careful attention sucking on one finger at a time. His eyes were locked on Noah's sapphire gaze as he sucked. He was completely enjoying the look of lust on his boyfriend's face. He knew what Noah wanted, but this was his should…he was in control this time.

He barely heard the tray clatter to the floor as he pushed Noah down to the pillows and covered his mouth hungrily with kisses. His hands moved, kneading and squeezing every inch of Noah's chest causing the brunet to sigh contentedly.

"I'm hungry, Noah," Luke whispered as he bit his lover's earlobe. Noah closed his eyes and enjoyed the feel of Luke's lips running over his skin. Those artist fingers worked their magic making him tingle all over.

Noah's breath hitched when those hands closed around his swollen member. His breathing quickened as Luke moved up and down the shaft, slowly at first. He watched Noah's eyes as his hand picked up seed, glorifying in the look of desire he read there.

"L…Luke….oh god…Luciano I'm going to explode if you don't stop now."

Luke stopped his movements and looked deep into those blue eyes. Noah thought he could drown that instant in chocolate…and it would be a nice way to go. "You want me to stop?"

Why was it that even the sound of his voice drove Noah bananas? He shuddered and licked his lips. Luke's hand was moving again, up and down in slow strokes and Noah tried as hard as he could not to reach the breaking point. "Oh, Luke, oh god…fuck me please."

Noah felt cold for just a second when Luke removed his hand. That brief chill was replaced quickly as Luke positioned himself and thrust inside. Noah cried out in ecstasy as Luke moved slowly at first before going at a rapid pace. Both boys were breathing erratically and Luke quickened the pace knowing he was reaching his own climax.

"Will you say my name when you come, baby?"" Luke asked, twisting just right to hit his mark.

"YES! Noah gasped "YES YES YES! Just…Just do that….OH god LUCIANO!"

Luke exploded the moment his name exited Noah's lips. He loved the way that name rolled off his lover's tongue. It sounded sweet and sexy when he uttered it…especially in the throes of passion.

"How much do you love me, Noah," he asked pulling the taller boy closer to him. Noah nuzzled in Luke's arms, his head resting on Luke's shoulder.

"I love you more than you'll ever know," he whispered, closing his eyes for a moment. He wanted to bask in this…the feeling of being loved by Luke. It wasn't something he ever wanted to lose.

**

"So what are we going to do today?" Luke asked breaking the silence that had fallen between them. He liked being here in this moment, and almost wished they didn't have a life to get back to. Being here with Noah was more than enough for him.

"What do you want to do today?" Noah replied as he cuddled closer to the man he loved.

"Well," Luke said Lazily, "there is a cowboy trail we could try and another gondola ride. That was nice. Mmmmm…or you could keep doing that."

Noah had shifted positions, and he was running his hands down Luke's lean body. He smiled as he looked deep into those expressive brown eyes and kissed him softly.

"I dare say, if I keep doing this," he said squeezing Luke's cock, "we'll never get out of here."

"And that's a bad thing, why?" Luke gasped.

Noah chuckled and kissed Luke yet again. "I think since neither of us has been here before we should at least explore."

"You rhymed," Luke giggled. Noah swatted at him which only made him laugh harder.

Noah smothered the giggles with his mouth and the next minutes were spent playing a game a tonsil hockey.

"We should also make use of this suite," Noah whispered, breaking away from their embrace.

"So do you suggest sightseeing this morning," Luke's voice was huskier than usual and it was enough to make Noah shudder with pleasure. "Then we try out the hot tub later?"

"There is something I want to do today," Noah admitted. He detangled himself from Luke completely so he could sit up and stretch out his muscles.

"Oh yeah? What do you have in mind?"

"It's a surprise," Noah teased, leaning in for one last kiss. "Do you trust me."

Luke sat up and wrapped his arms around Noah's waist, his chin resting on his shoulder. "Yes, Noah. I do."

**

They spent the morning riding horses along the Cowboy Trail. Both of them were in awe of the mountains and the open beauty that surrounded them. In the afternoon, after a brief stop back at the suite, Noah surprised Luke with romance. Luke couldn't help but laugh when he saw the horse-drawn carriage Noah had arranged for him.

"You're such a dork," he whispered once they were seated comfortably inside, "And I love you."

It was late afternoon when they returned to the hotel. They opted not to check for messages at the front desk, and entered their suite in a fit of giggles.

"We'll have to do that again," Luke said trying to catch his breath. He kissed Noah softly before heading over to the refrigerator to find them something to drink.

"We definitely should do that again," Noah agreed with a grin. "What are you doing?" He asked as Luke began shaking a bottle.

"We have fizzy water," Luke laughed as he continued disrupt the liquid. Noah could see the mischievous glint in his lover's eyes and it put him on guard.

"Luke, don't you dare…" he said as a spray of bubbly water hit him in the face.

Luke laughed. "Ooops, I guess I shook it too much."

"OH you are so dead," Noah said moving over to the refrigerator so that he could grab something out of it. Luke sprinted away and laughed as Noah shook his weapon of choice. Luke tried to shield himself, but some of the soda managed to wet his hand.

He licked the soda and made a face, and glared playfully at Noah. "You did not just spray me with cola," he said offended. "OF all things Noah to squirt me with and you use Cola."

Noah frowned for a moment and Luke took advantage of his loss of concentration.

"Why you little stinker," Noah cried as Luke's laughter filled the suite. Their playfulness erupted into a full out soda fight, and it was hard to tell what was more sticky…the floor or them. They were having lots of fun just being free and wild. Luke laughed when Noah slipped on the on the floor, and laughed even harder when the taller man pulled him down too.

He landed on top of Noah, who moved beneath him until they were lying chest to chest. He grinned down into those stunning sapphire eyes and marveled once again at how lucky he truly was.

"Hello Noah," he said, his voice thick with emotion.

"Kiss me Luke," Noah responded and he did tasting remnants of blueberries and root beer in that tantalizing mouth.

**

After cleaning up the remnants of their soda fight, they were more than ready to sink into the hot tub. Luke closed his eyes as he settled into the steaming hot water. It felt good against his back and his whole body tingled. Soon Noah was beside him and Luke found himself wrapped in a tight embrace. He turned slightly to share a tender kiss with his lover. But as seemed to be the norm, the kiss became something bigger than either of them had expected. Luke found himself pressed up against the tub, his fingers in Noah's hair as they devoured each other's mouths. With the heat being generated between the two of them it was a wonder the water in the tub didn't burn them.

**

His hand reached out blindly for the phone when he heard it ring. He was comfortable and really didn't want to move, but he had to. At least he felt like he did. The phone rang twice more before he was able to grab it. "hello," he said collapsing back onto his boyfriend.

"Mr. Snyder, I know you asked not to be disturbed, but there is a call waiting for you…"

"It's okay," Luke interrupted. He was immediately more awake as he concentrated on the call. No one would be calling unless something was wrong. Already his mind was running through worse case scenarios. "Put the call through please?"

"Sorry to interrupt your trip son," his father's voice came on the line after what seemed like forever.

"What's wrong, Dad?" he asked unable to mask the panic he was feeling.

Holden sighed. He didn't like being the bearer of bad news, but he knew Luke needed to know as soon as possible. "It's your grandma Luke, she's in the hospital."

"What?" Luke said sitting up, his hand was still resting on Noah's chest, but it was no longer still. His fingers moved frantically oblivious to the fact that he was pinching his lover's skin. "You mean Grandma Lucinda? Why? What happened?"

"We don't know Son," Holden replied. "The doctor's still in with her now, and your mom is worried she may have relapsed."

"OH god," Luke said closing his eyes.

"OW!"

Luke looked down and reached that he was squeezing Noah's flesh painfully tight. "I'm sorry Baby, he said distractedly. "Here, talk to my dad."

Noah sat up curiously and took the offered phone. He watched Luke slip out of bed frantically, almost tripping in his hurry to search for clothes. "Hello," he said turning his attention to the phone call. "Is everything alright, Holden?"

"I'll let Luke explain it to you, Noah. Can you keep an eye on him for me, please?"

"Yes, of course," Noah said glancing over to where Luke stood with his forehead leaning against the wall. "I'll talk to you when we get back…thanks Holden."

Noah placed the phone on the cradle and crawled out of bed. "Luke," he said approaching his lover. "Hey what's wrong?" he asked as Luke turned to face him with red eyes, a clear indicator that he had been crying. Without answering he slipped into Noah's embrace and rested his head on Noah's shoulder.

"We have to go home," Luke said pushing away from Noah a few minutes later. "My grandma needs…whoa okay I don't feel good."

"Luke," Noah reached out for him and led him over to the bed. "Here have a seat."

"No," Luke attempted to fight Noah, but felt like he was going to pass out. "We have to go home Noah. My grandma needs me. She's in the hospital and I…"

"You need to calm down before you end up in the hospital too," Noah informed him softly. "You won't do your grandma any good if you collapse, and I wouldn't like that either quite frankly."

A weak smile crossed Luke's lips and he looked up gratefully at Noah. "Thank you, Noah. I'm sorry we have to end our trip…"

Noah interrupted his words with a kiss and hugged him close, trying to offer some sense of comfort. He wasn't worried about their trip. They had had a good time, and it was something neither of them would forget. He made Luke promise to be still and set about getting their things ready. Vegas had been fun…and very romantic but now it was time to return to reality.

1


	11. Chapter 11

Neither boy spoke on the plane ride home. Luke was lost in thought, his mind running away with him; spinning scenes he dared not put into words. Noah spent the flight worrying about Luke. He held the hand that wasn't in Luke's mouth and tried to send soothing vibes in his lover's direction. Nothing seemed to work though, and he knew nothing really could.

It was hard to believe that the vibrant woman he had seen just last week was in the hospital now. It was just crazy to Noah and he didn't know how to impart that fact to Luke. He wished there was something he could say, but how did he assure his lover that things would be okay when in reality he didn't know that? From the little bit he was able to get out of Luke, it seemed that Lucinda was really sick.

"I wish the plane would go faster."

Noah looked over at Luke, even as he felt the other boy squeeze his hand tighter. It wasn't the first time Luke had made that admission. Noah knew he was getting anxious, just as he knew Luke's overactive imagination was working overtime. If only there was something he could do.

"She wouldn't want you to worry, Luke," he said, reaching out to touch Luke's cheek. "The best thing you can do for Lucinda right now is to relax. "We don't want you to end up in the hospital, remember?"

"I know," Luke sighed, his brown eyes focused intently on Noah. "I know but I just can't, I don't…" He stopped and bit his lip for a moment. There were few things that scared him, and losing someone he loved was at the top of the list. "What if my dad is right…what if the Cancer has come back?"

"Then we help her through it, just like you guys did before," Noah soothed as he continued to stroke Luke's cheek. "She seems like a fighter to me, Luke, and I bet that's where you get it from."

A small smile managed to creep through the worry but it didn't last. Luke pulled away from Noah and started biting his nails again.

"She beat it before, and she can beat it again," Noah tried once more to get Luke to relax. "But we don't know if that is the problem yet. Let's just wait until we get home…okay?"

There were tears in Luke's eyes when he turned to face him this time. Noah put a comforting arm around his shoulders and held him for the rest of the flight. It was the least he could do. Words just weren't going to be enough this time.

They headed for the hospital the minute their feet touched ground again. Their luggage was secured in the back of the truck and Noah drove as quickly as he dared to the hospital. Every few minutes he would glance over at Luke to make sure the other boy was alright. Just the thought of Lucinda being sick again was taking a toll on the blond. Noah didn't even want to think about what would happen once they knew what was wrong. He prayed that it wasn't anything serious, but his gut told him that prayer would go unheard.

Holden was waiting for them when they reached the emergency room. Luke immediately collapsed in his father's arms and Holden held him tight as he locked eyes with Noah. Those eyes asked a million questions and answered many more. Noah tried to let Luke's dad know that he had watched over Luke just as he promised. He tried to convey the fact that he would be there for all of them for as long as he was allowed to be. There was so much he wanted to say…but this was not the time to say it.

"We got here as quickly as we could," Luke broke the silence that had fallen. He pulled out of his father's arms and ran a hand through his hair. "How is she? Has there been any word? Where's Mom? Who's watching the kids?"

"Take it easy son," Holden placed a hand on Luke's shoulder. "One question at a time. Your sisters are at a sleepover and Ethan is with Aaron. Don't worry about them, they're fine. I'm more concerned about you. Have you been making sure to take your medicine? You remember what happened the last time you were over stressed.

"I made sure he took it," Noah piped up before Luke could answer. "He was feeling a little lightheaded before we left, but he's alright."

"Please, don't worry about me" Luke said wearily. "I'm fine. I just want Grandma to be okay too. What happened?"

"Your grandmother hasn't been feeling well this week, though she thought it was just the flu and it would pass," Holden explained. "But she just wasn't getting better and tonight she called your mother and said she thought she might need to go to the hospital."

Luke frowned. It had to be bad if his grandmother couldn't just get herself to the hospital. She was more the type to just do things herself, not rely on others. He sighed and closed his eyes for a moment before falling back into Noah's protective arms. He didn't know what was wrong with him tonight. He needed to be, wanted to be strong for his grandmother and for the rest of his family but he was having a bad reaction to all that was going on.

"Are you okay, Baby?" Noah asked even as he led him over to a chair. "Here have a seat; I'm going to get you some water." Luke gratefully obliged and put his head down in his hands. All of this was so sudden. Just mere hours ago he was having fun with Noah and he was fine. Now all of a sudden he was at the hospital in Oakdale, waiting to hear about his sick grandmother, and he felt like he was getting sick too.

"Thank you," he said reaching for the water Noah held out to him. His fingers barely grasped the paper cup before it spilled, splashing water everywhere. Things started getting blurry after that, though he was sure he heard his name being called as a strong pair of arms wrapped around him. After that the world went black.

When Luke opened his eyes he found himself somewhere he vowed never to be again. He was surrounded by white walls and beeping machines and he had those sticky circles attached to his chest. The room was too bright, and he wished someone would turn down the lights. He would never understand why it had to be so bright anyway.

He could sense that someone was in the room with him, and he blinked allowing his eyes to open once more. The room was dimmer and he could see Noah settling into the chair beside his bed. "I should have known you would be here," He said smiling weakly at the blue eyed man. "Are you okay?"

"You scared me," Noah admitted as he reached out to stroke Luke's hair. "I'm not worried about me, Luke. I'm more concerned about you. The doctor said you have some kind of infection, brought on by too much stress. Your dad said I have to take you home and make you rest. It's a good thing we were already in the hospital."

Luke reached up to cup Noah's cheek and tried once more to smile. "I'm sorry baby, I didn't mean to frighten you. I just…I don't know with everything going on and Grandma. Oh my god."

Noah was quick to restrain him when he tried to move and he knew it was useless to fight him. Noah was a lot stronger, especially now when he wasn't at full strength. "You need to focus on getting yourself out of this hospital bed," Noah said sternly. "I know you are worried about your grandma, I am too. But making yourself sick is not going to help her, and it won't keep me from having a coronary either. Please, Luke…try to relax and let me take care of you okay?"

Luke sighed. As much as he hated to admit it, Noah was right and he knew his dad would agree. "I know I need to calm down," he agreed, his voice dry and scratchy. "I'm just worried about Grandma."

"I know you are," Noah said taking Luke's hand into his. He brought it up to his lips for a kiss and leaned forward to kiss Luke's lips as well. "We're all worried about her, and we are concerned about you too, Luke. If anything happened to you…I don't think I could forgive myself. And I just know a lot of people feel that way, your grandma included. She already told me to give you a stern talking to when you woke up."

"You saw her?" Luke asked, his smile shining just a little bit brighter. "How is she?

"The Cancer's back," Noah admitted softly, watching Luke's eyes as he continued. "She's going to be in the hospital for a few days yet. They want to start an aggressive round of treatments for her, and since it will make her extremely weak they think it best that she stay under their care. She's dealing with it pretty well though. You weren't exaggerating at all when you said she was a fighter, Luke. She thinks she can beat this."

Luke nodded his agreement, but he couldn't help the tears that sprung to his eyes. It just didn't seem fair to him that she had to go through this. He didn't protest when Noah sat on the bed with him, and pulled him into his arms. Luke snuggled into that embrace and tried to think positively about the situation. His grandmother would be under the best care, and she was a survivor. He would do his part by staying healthy and living life. Hadn't that been their vow when they both got sick before?

"I know you are going to worry about her, Luke." Noah's voice surrounded him with warmth and he allowed himself to sink deeper into that comfort. "You have a big heart and there seems to be room in there for everyone you care about. You hurt when others are hurting, you're sad when others cry and you never think of yourself first. It's one of the many things I love about you. So I want you to know that while you're worried about your grandma, and your family I'll be looking out for you…because you are first for me…always."

"Ah there he is, my darling grandson," Lucinda exclaimed as Noah wheeled Luke into the room. "I was wondering when you would make your way here. How are you doing darling? I trust your young man has been taking care of you? He said you had a wonderful time on your trip. You must tell me all about it."

Luke's expression was solemn as he sat by his grandmother's side. Even though he could tell she was trying to keep her spirits up, there was a tired quality to her voice. "The trip was great, Grandma. Thank you so much for arranging it for us. The concierge, Mr. Meriwether sends his regards."

"Ah, Meriwether, the old coot. Did he treat you well darling?"

"He did," Luke nodded as he turned to look at Noah. Noah was impressed that he was a member of the Golden Keys."

"I'd only heard of them in the movies," Noah defended with a laugh. It was nice to see Luke in a better mood, and he could tell that this visit was helpful to Lucinda as well. Already she seemed more relaxed and less on edge. And Luke's just trying to be funny. He was impressed too, once he got over his aggravation at the desk clerk."

He realized too late that he had said too much, and he focused on the handle bars of Luke's wheelchair. Anything was better than looking into those two sets of dark eyes.

"It was nothing to worry about, really Grandma," Luke said quickly trying to divert her from that topic all together.

"Luke, I think you know what I am going to say," Lucinda said in that voice that even made Noah look up. "I might be in a hospital bed, but I'm not dying and I will not be treated like an invalid. Especially when it comes to my family. You do know what I'm talking about; I know you feel that way too."

"Yes Ma'am," Luke conceded sheepishly.

"Now what happened with the desk clerk, come on spill. Tell me post haste, and no beating around the bush. Life's too short for that."

"The jerk just tried to say that we didn't have reservations and then tried to put us in separate rooms on two separate floors," Luke explained.

"And Luke stood up to him," Noah added his two cents. "He just told the guy where to shove it and the concierge, Mr. Meriwether came over just before the guy was going to call security."

"Yeah, Mr. Meriwether was not very happy with Oscar," Luke continued.

"And he was talking to Luke, who mentioned your name and my dad's name and I think Oscar got fired after that."

"Yeah," Luke agreed and Mr. Meriwether gave us a free dinner that night plus we were able to score tickets for a romantic moonlit gondola ride."

"It was really a lot of fun," Noah sighed. "Thank you so much, Mrs. Walsh. We brought you back something…we left it in the truck…"

"We were hoping to cheer you up a little…" Luke explained.

Lucinda smiled as she listened to them chatter back and forth always finishing each other's sentences. "It does my heart good" she said when there was a lull in the conversation, "to see my grandson so happy. And you Noah, I have to thank you for being a big part of that. You see we are very protective of Luke, and so we can be very critical of the people he opens his heart to. You do understand that don't you dear?"

"Yes, Ma'am, Noah conceded. "Luke is very special and I know how lucky I am to have him."

"Indeed, Lucinda said with a smile. "I knew I would like you the moment I laid eyes on you Noah. You are good for our Luke and I'd like to welcome you to the family."

"There will be plenty of time for that, Grandma," Luke said, his voice light as he squeezed her hand. He could tell by the sound of her voice that she was getting sleepy. And besides he didn't like the tone of the conversation. It just seemed too…final to him, as if his grandmother was trying to say everything she needed to before it was too late. "Right now, I think you need to get some rest. We've bothered you enough for the day."

"OH nonsense," Lucinda waved her hand weakly and focused intently on her grandson. "I want you to promise me, young man, promise me that you will do whatever you can not to end up back in here. Don't worry about me more than you have to. I need you to fight out there, while I am fighting in here…and we will get through this together understand? Will you keep your part of the bargain?"

"I'll try," Luke managed as he gave Lucinda a hug. He held her close for long moments, thinking that if he could just give her all his strength she would be okay. She kissed him on both cheeks and tears sprang to his eyes. Those kisses felt different and he didn't know if he could handle the changes that were sure to come with her undergoing treatments.

"You will do more than try, Luke," her voice was soft in his ears. "You will succeed because you are a Walsh and you are a Snyder…strong stock right there and besides I have faith. I have all the faith in the world in my darling grandson and I know he won't let me down. And you won't let me down either," she said turning those eyes on Noah who was fighting back tears himself.

"You have a strong heart, Noah and a fine sense of what's right and what's wrong. I also hear that you are romantic and a great talent. My grandson chats you up often." She reached out her hand for Noah who was tentative as he reached out to take it. Lucinda smiled at him and he relaxed, reaching with his other hand to take a hold of Luke's free one. "As long as you continue to make my grandson happy you are okay in my book. Thank you for being there for him."

"I think Luke is right…you need some sleep," Noah said softly, giving her hand a gentle squeeze. "And you don't need to thank me for being there for Luke. I'm here because I want to be and if anything I should be thanking you for giving me a chance."

"I suppose I am a little tired," Lucinda conceded wearily. "You boys must come visit me again, and next time Luke I want you out of that wheelchair…understand?"

"Good night, Grandma." Luke kept his voice controlled as he hugged the woman one last time before settling into his chair again. It didn't take long for her to fall into a deep sleep. Luke wouldn't leave her side until Noah assured him 100% that she was just sleeping. He knew it was an irrational fear, but he couldn't help it. The conversation just had his mind working overdrive and he didn't know how to stop it. He was silent as Noah wheeled him out of the room and back to his own. The doctors wanted to keep him overnight, just to be on the safe side.

The tears fell only when he was alone with Noah. Luke held on to his lover and cried for all the injustices in the world. He allowed Noah's words to soothe him like a balm and sank deep into those strong arms. In Noah's embrace he could keep out the sadness for awhile and that was exactly what he needed. For now it could be that simple. For now at least he could be okay…just like his grandmother wanted…needed him to be.

Luke was released from the hospital the next day with strict orders not to over exert himself for the next few weeks. Noah knew even before he tried that this would be a hard argument to win. He knew Luke well enough to know that the blond needed to be doing something in order to keep himself sane. He couldn't sit idle; Noah couldn't think of a moment when Luke wasn't moving around taking care of some little thing.

"I can't do it Noah," he said shaking his head emphatically.

"Why not?" Noah challenged. "This is your health we are talking about Luke. "You need to take it easy, and there is no reason why you can't. I'm sure we can cover for you at the station, you need a break."

"I need to be working," Luke corrected his tone serious as he locked on to that sapphire gaze. "If I just sit here without something to focus on I'll think. And lately when I think I end up focusing on the very things that are getting me stressed out in the first place. Going to work and finishing this semester will give me the chance to do something I can control. You understand that don't you?"

Noah did understand what Luke was saying, but he couldn't get that feeling of fear out of his heart. He could clearly recall Luke's limp body in his arms, and just the few hours he had waited for him to wake up…that wasn't something he wanted to experience again. "I know this is hard Luke. I know that you are worried about your Grandma…"

"Look, Noah," Luke interrupted. "I know you are worried about me, and I love that I have you here to take care of me. I need to do this, Noah. I need to be active."

"Will you at least slow down?" Noah asked knowing defeat when he saw it. "Will you at least give me that much? Maybe don't work late, next Wednesday or even cut that out all together until you get better."

"I won't be working too many more Wednesdays, Noah, but I promise to cut back. You will be with me during the day for the most part. You can keep an eye on me, make sure I am doing things right and let me know if I'm doing too much."

"No Fridays for a while," Noah placed the condition between them and waited a moment before continuing. "You work Mondays and Wednesdays, and if anything seems like too much you let me handle it, okay?"

"I can agree to that," Luke said softly. He was willing to do anything to make Noah happy, if it meant he didn't have to play idle hands.

"And if you get tired you stop, go home early. You will get tired easily Luke and I know you. You will try to work through it but right now you shouldn't. So no overexerting yourself for the next few weeks okay."

Luke couldn't help the smile that crossed his lips as he reached out to touch Noah's cheek. "You read up on this didn't you?"

Noah took Luke's hand into his and kissed it. "I wanted to understand exactly what was going on inside your body, so I can take care of you better. Kidney infections, I found out, are very dangerous and if not taken care of properly they can cause major complications. That's why it's important that you take it easy. And I know for a fact that your parents and both your grandmothers would agree with me on that one."

"You would feel better if I stayed home wouldn't you?" Luke asked, his tone reluctant and sad.

"I don't want you to do anything that will make you crazy, Luke," Noah interjected. "I just want you to be alright and right now with everything going on, you aren't. I love going to work with you every day, you know that. I want you there with me, but I also want you to be cautious about your choices, and realistic."

"I don't want to sit at home," Luke admitted after a moment's thought.

"Okay, then you can come with me in the morning, stay where I can watch over you and do nothing but read over scripts. Does that sound fair?"

"Yes," Luke conceded. "And I logically can't stop school…so maybe I will work my way through Tuesday…and let you drive me home in the afternoon, and you take care of dinner. But I'll still cook with you on Thursdays."

"And on Fridays," Noah continued softly, "You will stay off your feet for the duration of the day. I will take care of you; we both can take off work. And for the rest of the weekend I will be at your beck and call. And I'm sure your parents would be okay if we missed a Sunday at their house…though we will try to make those too."

"That sounds like a win-win to me," Luke said trying to stifle a yawn.

"We need to feed you before you go to sleep, unless you are that exhausted,"

Luke shook his head and yawned again. "If I am going to attempt to work tomorrow, I better go to bed…or at least take a nap. You can make yourself something to eat though."

Noah tucked Luke into their bed and kissed him gently on the lips. "Luke…"

"If I don't feel well tomorrow, I won't go in…okay."

Noah smiled sadly and knelt to kiss Luke once more before those hazely eyes closed completely.


	12. Chapter 12

"Noah," Luke exclaimed when his boyfriend walked into the house. "You're dripping water everywhere. I just vacuumed in here."

"Sorry," Noah smirked; he thought Luke was adorable when he complained. "It started to rain the moment I stepped out of the truck. It's really pouring out there. I think we are in for a bad storm."

Luke helped him out of his wet things and grabbed the bag Noah had in his hands. "Don't come any further until you take off your shoes," he said leaning forward to give Noah a kiss. "I hope the rain doesn't stop people from coming. We'll have to put a mat down for the umbrellas."

Noah allowed a smile to cross his lips as he watched Luke head for the kitchen. The blond was still talking about all that needed to be done, and Noah was just glad to see him in good spirits. It had been a week since Luke's release from the hospital, and so far the arrangement was working out well. Luke was able to keep himself occupied, and Noah watched over him and made sure he didn't overdue it.

He knew that Luke would feel a lot better if he didn't have his grandma to worry about. Lucinda was still in the hospital, and likely would be there through the holidays. This news devastated Luke, and he spent a good portion of the week trying to distract himself from the sadness. Working, and visiting his grandmother in the hospital helped a lot, and Noah was pleased to see that Luke was even writing more.

Still Noah felt like he should do more. He wanted to distract Luke to the point that he didn't think about his grandmother or his own illness at least for a few hours. And the best way to do that was to throw a party.

"Noah," Luke's voice brought him out of his thoughts. He smiled sheepishly at Luke who stood before him with his hands on his hips. "Shoes off."

Noah laughed, even as he obliged and took off his shoes. He pulled a protesting Luke into his arms and held him close for a moment. "I love you," he whispered.

"I love you too, Dork." He pulled out of Noah's embrace and started tidying up the living room.

"Luke," Noah chuckled. "I don't think I've ever seen you clean this much. "We're only having a few friends over, not the Queen of England."

"I know," Luke said as he rearranged a stack of magazines. "But this is the first time we are having people over to our home for dinner, and the only person who has seen the inside of this place is Maddie. So I just want everything to look nice."

"Whose idea was it to invite people over anyway," Noah said with mock frustration.

"I believe it was yours," Luke replied just as a timer went off in the kitchen. "Oh, the pie is done. Can you smell it?"

Noah followed Luke into the kitchen and breathed in the scent of fresh apple pie. "Your grandma's recipe?" He asked, his mouth watering just thinking about the treat.

"The one and the same," Luke placed the pie on a rack to cool, and checked other pots on the stove before focusing on Noah again. "Everything is just about ready, except for us."

Noah smiled and leaned in to kiss Luke's nose. "Everything smells delicious, including the chef."

Luke's rich chuckle filled the room as Noah once again pulled him in for a kiss. Luke's arms wrapped around his neck and Noah deepened the kiss ever so slightly. His hands wrapped around Luke's waist, and he was just about to untie Luke's apron when the phone rang.

They broke apart, and Luke smiled at the irony of the situation. "I have to get that," he said reaching into his pocket for the phone. "Hello…hey Maddie, what's up?"

Noah turned his attention to the food on the stove while Luke finished his conversation with Maddie. From what he overheard he deciphered that Will and Gwen wouldn't be able to make it. Maddie and James were heading back to Maddie's place to get changed first, and Randy would be arriving straight from work. Noah wasn't looking forward to being in the same room with Randy, but if the other man behaved everything would be okay. Things had to go smoothly…he certainly didn't want to give Luke something more to stress about.

"Will and Gwen aren't coming," Luke sighed catching Noah's attention. "The storm's getting bad. Maybe we should just cancel and you and I could have a quiet evening alone."

"Everything will be fine, Luke. Maddie will be here and I will finally get to meet this amazing James she keeps talking about. We can't cancel now. We're going to have a good night with our friends; it will be the start of our new tradition remember?"

"I like new traditions," Luke admitted, leaning in for one last kiss. "I guess we need to get dressed before Randy gets here," He said pulling away completely. The food is all ready, so you and I can go take a shower."

"Are you sure that's wise?" Noah asked raising an eyebrow.

"Hmmm with our track record," Luke said thoughtfully. "You're probably right. You go take your shower and get ready, and then I'll take my turn."

"That idea will have to do," Noah said stealing one last kiss. "For now."

"Get out of here, Dork," Luke laughed and pushed him out of the kitchen. Noah grinned, grabbed his shoes and headed to the bedroom.

"Randy's on his way here," Luke informed him when he returned to the room. "He said he should be here in about fifteen minutes. Will you be okay until I get out of the shower?"

Noah toweled his hair dry and nodded. "I'll be on my best behavior, Luke. Just go get ready. Everything will be fine." He pulled Luke into his arms and couldn't resist kissing him once more."

"MMM," Luke said pressing his hands against Noah's bare chest. "That's not going to get me in and out of the shower any faster," He laughed, stealing another kiss before he wriggled out of Noah's embrace. "I'll see you in a few."

Noah watched Luke disappear into the bathroom and focused on getting ready himself. He had just pulled on his shirt when there was a knock at the door. He ran a hand through his hair and sighed. Their first guest had arrived.

"I'm coming," he said even as he buttoned his shirt and headed for the living room. He opened the door to find Randy with his hand raised ready to knock again. Apparently no one had taught the intern about patience.

"Hello Randy," he greeted. "Welcome to our home. Come on in."

Randy shook Noah's hand and entered the house, looking around intently as if he wanted to memorize every part of it. "Where's Luke?" he asked after a moment's pause.

"Luke's in the shower. He'll be out shortly. Would you like something to drink while we wait for him?"

"Trouble in paradise?" Randy said smugly.

"Excuse me?" Noah said trying not to react to that snide remark.

"You and Luke," Randy clarified. "Obviously you must be doing something wrong if you aren't in the shower with him."

Noah gritted his teeth. He was so not going to let Randy bait him tonight. He had promised Luke. "Do you want a drink or not," he snapped at the other man. He was glad that Luke was still in the bathroom. It meant he had a chance to calm down. On the same token he wished Luke would hurry up…before he ended up kicking Randy to the curb.

"Just a glass of water for now, thanks," the other man responded as he took a seat on the couch. Noah poured the proffered drink and handed it to Randy before securing a glass for himself.

Noah couldn't remember ever being as uncomfortable as he was at this moment. It occurred to him that he just really didn't know what to say to the man. He watched Randy take sips of his water, every now and again glancing towards the general direction of the bedroom. Noah knew he should engage him in conversation, and stop those roving eyes.

"So is Luke's aunt doing any better?"

Randy's voice startled him and he turned his gaze on the man who was taking another sip of water. "What?" He asked, trying to figure out what he was talking about.

His aunt, the one who's in the hospital?" Randy rolled his eyes.

"His Grandma," Noah corrected, "isn't doing so well. We just visited her yesterday. And if you don't mind, I would rather you didn't ask Luke about that tonight. I'm trying to keep his mind on positive things."

Randy shrugged. "Aunt, Grandmother, Luke has so much family it's hard to keep track."

"It's not that hard," Luke laughed coming into the room. Noah looked up and smiled. His boyfriend looked very nice in his jeans and his favorite red shirt. "What are you guys talking about anyway?"

"How lucky you are to have such a big family," Noah said getting up to wrap his arms around his mate. He kissed Luke's neck and nuzzled for a second, taking in his musky scent. Luke turned to kiss Noah's nose and then moved to shake Randy's hand.

"Glad you could make it Randy," he said with a smile. "Good to see that the rain didn't bother you too much.

"It was a light drizzle when I came up."

"It's pouring again now," Luke said shaking his head. Dad called," he said directing his comments to Noah. He wanted us to make sure to unplug all the electrical appliances we are not using. There's an electrical storm warning and he wants us to be careful."

"Any idea when the storm will pass?" Noah asked looking at his cell phone to check the time. There was another knock on the door before Luke could answer. "I'll get that," He said turning to go to the door.

This time when he opened the door he saw Maddie standing there trying to close a wet umbrella. A tall handsome man stood beside her. His eyes were green with flecks of gold, and his hair was the color of fire.

"You must be Noah," the green eyed man said holding out a hand for Noah to shake. "I'm James; it's nice to finally meet you. Maddie talks about you and Luke constantly."

"Hi James," Luke called from in the living room. "Noah, let them in," He said coming to stand by Noah's side.

"It's nice to meet you, James" Noah said moving aside to let them enter. "Maddie has told us a lot about you too."

"She's talked about you nonstop ever since I got out of the hospital," Luke teased.

"Luke," Maddie said blushing slightly as she shrugged out of her jacket. "Hi Randy."

Noah watched James shake Randy's hand and then start a conversation with Luke.

"Isn't he cute?" Maddie whispered in Noah's ear. She was glowing, and Noah was very glad to see that she was happy.

"Yes, he's gorgeous," Noah agreed with a smile. "You should keep him."

Maddie laughed. "I'm going to try. I really like him, but we're taking it slow…its only been twelve days…almost two weeks."

"Hey Noah, it looks like we found another comic book lover," Luke said slipping his arms around Noah's waist. "I like your boyfriend Maddie, can we keep him."

Maddie grinned and swatted her friend playfully. "I'm happy to see you are doing better, Luke. I was worried about you."

"He's fine," Noah said turning to properly embrace his love. "I take very good care of him, thank you very much."

Luke laughed. "We have news for you guys later…but for now is everyone ready to eat?"

"I don't know about anything else, but I'm ready for dessert," Randy said raising his eyebrow. Noah gritted his teeth at Randy's lame attempt at a joke, he was pleased when even Luke seemed offended by the statement and told Randy to knock it off.

"Randy you should watch your tone when there is a lady present," James piped up, and Noah smiled. He liked Maddie's boyfriend already. What Noah had disliked most about Randy's statement was that he had been staring at Luke when he said it. In fact, the man didn't seem to take his eyes off of Luke. That alone was making Noah's blood boil.

"I thought it was funny," Randy shrugged and looked straight at Noah. "I'm sure Mayer here agrees with men too. He wants his dessert with extra whipped cream."

Maddie gasped and Luke cleared his throat uncomfortably. "Okay I'm going to go check on dinner; Noah is coming with me so you three make nice talk until we get back okay?"

Noah allowed Luke to pull him into the kitchen before stopping and pulling the younger man into his embrace.

"Are you okay," Luke asked as Noah ran a hand through those blond strands he adored. "I don't know why he's making those jokes like that. I have told him time and time again that they aren't appropriate."

"Its okay, Luke," Noah assured him. He silenced his lover with a kiss and for a long moment they were lost in each other.

"Hey what happened to the lights?" Randy exclaimed from the living room. Luke and Noah pulled apart and were shocked to realize that they could barely see each other.

"Oh no," Luke groaned. "I forgot to get the candles. Now what are we going to do?""

"Don't worry," Noah soothed. "We have candles in the drawer. We'll get some of those and just make due. I think there are matches in there too. It will be okay, Luke. I promise."

Luke frowned, but he leaned forward and kissed Noah again before pulling away completely. Noah searched for the drawer that held the candles, finding it after three attempts. He was able to light one of the candles and immediately set about looking for Luke as he lit a second one.

"Luke?" he called into the darkness.

"Oh good you found them," Luke said, and Noah turned, shining the light right in his boyfriend's face. "If you hold that too close you are going to catch me on fire," Luke grinned. "I didn't mean to scare you; the dark just gives me the creeps."

Noah could tell that his boyfriend was visibly shaken and he handed him one of the candles, and took his hand to lead him into the living room. Maddie was sitting by James, and Randy was standing behind the couch. Noah couldn't tell what he was thinking about, but he was sure it wasn't anything good.

"Sorry about the power going out," Luke said with a sigh. "We can still eat, by candlelight. The food can't be warmed up though."

"It's okay Luke," Maddie said cheerfully. "Darkness makes everything more exciting. How are we going to sit anyway?"

"Well I figured that I would sit between you and Noah, and Randy would sit on Noah's left and James to your right. Does that make sense? Since Will and Gwen aren't going to be here and I don't know…we'll figure it out."

"Hey Luke, No worries," James spoke up. "It's not like you could have predicted the weather and besides we can get to know each other better. Secrets always come out in the dark."

Noah was glad that this seemed to make Luke laugh. He really did like Maddie's guy and hoped that he would be sticking around. He would be a much better presence in Luke's life than Randy was.

"I'm going to go get dinner on the table. Will you be alright in here?" he asked Luke, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"I'm fine. Randy could you help Noah please? There are a lot of dishes that need to be put out."

"Sure Luke, no problem," Randy said going to stand by Noah's side. Noah sighed heavily. His love must be more bothered by the dark then he thought. Why else would he ask Randy to give him a hand?

Noah was trying his hardest to ignore Randy's snide remarks, but the other man seemed to want to egg him on. At dinner Luke was the perfect host, he engaged in conversation with all parties and somehow managed to keep them all straight. Randy asked him about his grandmother, and even though Noah could tell it made Luke sad, he answered the question anyway. Noah was annoyed that Randy disobeyed his wishes. He didn't like that the man thought he could just do whatever he wanted and he gritted his teeth, trying as hard as he could to concentrate on what James was saying to him.

"Noah do you mind if I help Luke with the dishes?" James asked. "There's something I want to discuss with him."

"OH, yeah sure that's fine James. If you are going to be part of our family, dish duty is part of the bargain anyway, right Luke?"

"Yes," Luke laughed as he got up from the table and begin clearing away dishes. Maddie took a candle and made her way to the bathroom, which left Noah sitting alone with Randy again. He motioned for the other man to follow him to the living room. He was about to offer Randy something to drink when he heard Randy say something that he didn't quite like.

"Man he's such a tease. No actually he's a cocktease."

"If I were you I'd quit while I was ahead," Noah said through clenched teeth. He opened and closed his fist, trying as hard as he could to stay calm. Before the man was just being inappropriate. Now he was being vulgar and Noah wasn't going to tolerate that.

"The truth is the truth, Noah," Randy shrugged. "He's nothing but a flirt. He soaks up all the attention and acts like he's going to put out and then reels it back in. That's going to get him in trouble one day."

"Randy," Noah warned. "You need to shut up now."

"I'm sure you know what I mean," Randy continued as he glanced towards the kitchen and licked his lips. "He lets you taste just enough to get you wanting more, but then he doesn't deliver. I know you know what I'm talking about; he did it back when we were dating. I wouldn't mind having another taste of that."

"I'm warning you, Man, you need to knock it off."

Randy had a smug look on his face and he wouldn't shut up, no matter how much Noah wanted him to. He was trying his hardest not to let the man bait him but that was becoming increasingly hard with every word that came out of his mouth.

'One more word and I swear I won't be responsible for what I do." he threatened, even as he clenched and unclenched his fists. He was already seeing red, and it wouldn't take much more for him to snap completely. "I swear, Randy, keep on talking and I'll…"

"You'll what, Noah," Randy said smugly. "It's not my fault you don't want to see the potential of your own boy toy."

"His blue eyes flashed with anger as he stood, his fists balled up tight. Somehow he managed to keep control. Somehow he stood his ground and just glared at the man before him. He watched Randy stand, moving closer until Noah could feel his breath on his ear. The words that spat forth from Randy's mouth broke any vestiges of control Noah had in him. He moved so quickly that he left his brain behind. He grabbed the man by the shirt and just as his fist made contact with Randy's face several things happened.

Maddie gasped.

James uttered a curse under his breath.

Luke said "Oh Noah," as Randy fell to the ground.

And Noah realized that the lights had come back on at last.


	13. Chapter 13

"_**I can't believe you just did that," he said trying to reign in the anger he was feeling. He glared at the man he loved, and wondered if Noah could see the hurt that was there. "Why, Noah?"**_

"_**Luke you don't understand," Noah countered. "He started it. I was just…"**_

"_**He started it?" Luke exclaimed. "Noah we're not five and this is OUR home. I don't care who started it. You should have known better."**_

"_**You're doing it again."**_

_**The calm anger he heard in his lover's voice caught Luke off guard. "Don't what?" he asked crossing his arms.**_

"_**You're taking his side…like you always do."**_

"_**I'm not taking sides, Noah," Luke sighed. He didn't know how to make him understand. "I'm just trying to understand why you did that."**_

_**Those deep blue eyes seemed to be working through a mass of emotions. Luke wasn't sure he wanted to read them.**_

"_**Luke," Noah asked after a tense moment of silence. "Can you be honest with me?"**_

_**Luke blinked but somehow managed to nod. He couldn't think of any reason why Noah would ever question something like that. He watched Noah take a deep breath and braced himself for what he was about to hear.**_

"_**Is there something going on between you and Randy?"**_

_**He felt like the air had been squeezed out of him. Noah hadn't just asked him that had he? Surely he had heard wrong. He couldn't breathe. When had this become about Randy?**_

"_**You didn't just ask me that," he said shaking his head. He grabbed a hold of the chair for support. Had those words really just come out of Noah's mouth? Is that really what he thought after…**_

_**He let that thought trail off and looked at Noah. He was trying hard not to let his emotions show. He didn't want Noah to see how much that had stung.**_

"_**You don't really think…"**_

"_**I don't know what to think, Luke," Noah interrupted him. "You go out of your way to spend time with him. You stay out to all hours of the night on Wednesdays and when you come home you're smiling a smile I never see."**_

"_**You are the reason I smile, Noah," Luke said no longer trying to hide his pain. "And you know I work late on Wednesdays…god I can't believe you." He turned away from him, He couldn't face this right now, and he didn't know what to think about the accusations Noah was hurling his way. He knew he should tell Noah the truth that he wasn't doing anything wrong. But right now just the mere fact that Noah would ask…that was what hurt the most.**_

"_**Where are you going," Noah asked as he headed to the door. Luke picked up the package that was sitting on the inn table and looked at it before throwing it at Noah. The other man caught it before it could cause any damage, his eyes not leaving Luke's.**_

"_**I'm going to work," Luke snapped, as he searched his pockets until he found his keys.**_

"_**I thought you weren't working tonight?" Noah asked and Luke just knew those blue eyes were narrowed, even though he couldn't; see them.**_

"_**I changed my mind. "Anywhere is better than being here with you right now."**_

"_**You're going to him…aren't you?"**_

_**Luke looked over his shoulder, meeting Noah's eyes head on. His own eyes were sad and full of unshed tears. "I'm going to work Noah…you believe what you want. I just wish you would learn how to trust me."**_

_**He slammed the door when he left, and leaned against it for a long moment before heading out to his car. He wanted to cry, he wanted to scream and more than anything he wanted to go back upstairs and ream Noah out for asking such an asinine question…but he didn't do any of those things. He took a deep breath got behind the wheel and began his drive to the station.**_

_**He sighed when his cell phone rang and he answered the call without checking to see who it was.**_

"_**Hello? Oh…hey…no it's alright. The party was a bust anyway. No…" he said as he drove along listening to the person on the other line. "It's nothing, really…it's just Noah decided he was going to hit Randy…No I'm not mad about him hitting Randy, he was being an ass all night so he probably deserved it," Luke sighed. "I am upset because he did it in front of company. Yeah…yeah I know…I just…look I have to go to work…I can't' think about this now. Yes, I love you too."**_

_**The fight with Noah was still heavy on his mind when he reached the station. He kept running over everything in his head, trying to figure out what could have made Noah ask that question. Surely he couldn't really think that of him could he? He had to stop thinking about it. He needed something else to focus on…something to take his mind off his problems. He would talk to Noah later…after he had calmed down some. He certainly didn't want to go to bed with this hanging over their heads.**_

_**He closed his eyes for a moment, willing himself to focus on what needed to be done. He found the notes he had made about Noah's speech and set out to put the finishing touches on it. He loved writing the presentations for his lover. It was his way to be a part of the production. Not that anyone but them realized he wrote the words Noah spoke. Just thinking about it made him smile and he picked up his pen ready to make those final edits.**_

"_**Goddammit," he exclaimed some fifteen minutes later. HE threw his pen down and pushed away the notes he'd been poring over. His hands covered his face and he lowered it to the table. He couldn't concentrate. He had been working on the same line for a while now and it just wasn't coming out right. He wanted to focus, but he kept hearing Noah asking that question…and each time it hurt more than the last time. **_

_***you need to stop doing this to yourself, Snyder,* he berated as tears came to his eyes. He really needed to get this done…though part of him just wanted to call Noah and work things out. He couldn't though…not yet, not while he was angry. And besides that Noah needed this speech. Luke wanted it to be perfect for him. After he was done he would go home, and Noah would have calmed down. They could talk like reasonable adults. He would explain why he was upset in the first place and put Noah's suspicious mind to rest. It sounded like a good plan to him and he was sure it would work. **_

_**With that thought in mind he picked his pen back up and once again started reworking the speech. He hoped the words didn't convey what he was feeling at the moment. There was a mixture of sadness and longing in his heart right now and he didn't know how to make it go away. He closed his eyes momentarily trying to collect himself enough to finish what he needed to. **_

_**He continued to write steadily before he was startled by a knock on the door. He looked up as someone walked in.**_

"_**Hi."**_

"_**You are the reason I smile, Noah." For some reason that was the line that hit Noah the hardest. Luke had sounded so hurt, so offended…angry… Noah didn't know what to think about it. He was confused, and he was wondering if he had screwed up again. **_

_**He sighed and looked down at the package he still held in his hand. He unwrapped it and felt a pang in his heart when he saw the note written in Luke's flowing script.**_

**Noah,**

**This was going to be your Christmas gift, but I decided I wanted you to have it now. A new tradition for us…presents at Thanksgiving. We wanted to be unique right? This should answer all the questions you have about my feelings for you. I love you Noah…remember that always.**

**Yours truly, Luke.**

_**The note was attached to a DVD. Curiously Noah read over the note again, trying to decipher what exactly Luke meant by that. He decided the only way he was going to find out was to watch.**_

_**He forced himself to wait until he had at least tidied up the apartment from their party. Once everything was in place he put Luke's gift in the DVD player and settled down to watch.**_

_**He was immediately captivated when Luke's face appeared on screen. Those brown eyes were staring straight at the camera…right at him, and it made his heart ache.**_

"**I see the guy that I love looking right past me, and that - that look in his eyes, I know it's not for me. It never will be. I could be invisible. No, I am invisible to him. An Invisible Guy". **

_**A sad smile touched his lips as he remembered those words. Luke was acting out their summer project…in answer to a question that he himself had asked? Noah's smile was replaced with a frown as it occurred to him how natural it seemed for those words to come from Luke's mouth. Not just because his beloved had written them but because…**_

"_**Oh my god," Noah said out loud as he continued to listen to Luke speak. He remembered every word…had memorized each part of the script because Luke's writing was that powerful to him. Yet he had never realized…never noticed that he was the inspiration behind it. He was that guy that never saw. He was the one who played with Luke's heart…Invisible girl was really a guy…and not just any guy. It was Luke. **_

_**His eyes were transfixed on those brown eyes he loved so much, and his ears were listening to the deep tones of Luke's voice as he poured out his heart. Each scene was like a pinprick to Noah's heart as he realized just how much he had done to Luke over the summer. He had known his actions hurt Maddie…and he knew that he had caused Luke some pain but this…what he was hearing…it all made him feel less than human. **_

"**He said he wasn't available and I believed him." Luke's voice sounded so forlorn to his ears, "And then suddenly, for a moment, he was. Until someone else walked in and I became invisible again. Maybe I misunderstood what he wanted. Or maybe he doesn't know what he wants himself."**

_**A tear escaped his eye as he made himself watch the whole thing. This was Luke's love letter to him. His story…the journey through so much pain. It wasn't lost on Noah that the pain mingled with bliss in such a way that made them interchangeable. He couldn't stop replaying the summer in his head, the moments leading up to that inevitable first kiss. He could pinpoint each moment…they were imprinted in his memory; snapshots he would not soon forget. He saw everything a little differently now as he listened to the soft tones of Luke's voice. **_

_**It made him sad to think that Luke had made this for him…to let him know just how much he meant to him. He had cared for him a very long time it seemed, even before he and Maddie had actually become a couple. The thing that hurt the most this time, was the fact that Luke still loved him. Despite everything Luke chose to be with him…Luke wanted him and had proven that time and time again.**_

_***And I had to go and accuse him…what was I thinking?* The truth was he hadn't been thinking, and now all he wanted to do was take it back. HE wanted Luke to come home so they could work this out and he could apologize. He didn't like the idea of them being at odds…especially not at times like these. With a sigh he wiped away the tears that streaked his face and turned off the DVD player. He picked up his phone and flipped it open. "Call Luke please," he said using the voice prompter. HE waited until he could hear the ringing on the other end before putting the phone to his ear. The call went right to voicemail and he sighed when he heard the beep.**_

"_**Luke…it's me. I'm sorry…please come home. I love you." He flipped the phone off and ran his hand through his hair. All he could do was wait now. Luke would come back when he was ready…at least Noah hoped he would. All he needed was one more chance and this time he wouldn't blow it.**_

_**By eleven o'clock there was no sign of Luke, and Noah took his vigil to the bedroom. He was sad as he prepared for bed; this would be the first time in a long time that he wasn't going to sleep with Luke beside him. He wasn't sure how to deal with that…but he hoped it was only temporary. He tried to keep his eyes open, but by the eleven thirty he was passed out, his arms positioned in such a way that Luke could slip into them when he finally made it home.**_

_**It was dark when he finally made it home, and for once he was glad Noah wasn't waiting for him. He didn't want anyone to see him, and he was grateful for the darkness. All he wanted to do was crawl beneath a blanket and curl himself into a ball.**_

_**He was sure he looked horrible. His eyes were swollen from crying, and the shirt he was wearing barely covered him anymore. He hated that shirt, wanted to burn it along with the pants that threatened to slip from his form. HE felt sick and he wanted to cry again…but he could not…would not when Noah was in the next room sleeping. His sweet dependable Noah…how he wished he could find solace in his loving arms. He knew that was no longer an option. He had no right to be there anymore. HE no longer deserved Noah.**_

_**His movements were mechanical as he maneuvered through the dark. He grabbed a blanket from the hall closet and wrapped it around himself, being sure to cover up his tattered clothing. He knew he should remove the soiled clothes, but he couldn't, not yet. Not while Noah was still in the apartment.. The mere thought of his boyfriend discovering what happened sent him into a panic. HE wrapped the blanket tighter around his frame and stumbled over to the couch. HE felt so…alone right now, so lost…empty. He sat on the couch for a moment, his gaze looking in the direction of the room he once shared with Noah. HE ached to go in there, wanted to feel Noah's strong embrace, wanted him to make the bad feelings go away. But he knew that couldn't happen ever again, not after this.**_

_**That thought alone brought the tears to the surface once more. The wetness had already reached his cheeks as he lowered himself on the couch and curled himself into a tight ball. **_

_**By tomorrow the tears will have stopped, and he would be able to face Noah.**_

_**Tomorrow he would rid himself of the filth…he would attempt to wash away the shame.**_

_**Tomorrow he would find the way to take away the pain…the hurt…**_

_**Tomorrow he would learn to live but today…right now he just wanted to die.**_

_**He felt a hand on his cheek and it made him jump. HE sat up quickly, wrapping the blanket tighter around him as he tried to settle his racing heart. Noah was staring at him, those kind blue eyes filled with genuine concern. It was enough to make him wonder why he had been angry with him. He had to fight back the tears that threatened to spill yet again. He couldn't…wouldn't break down, not now. He needed to be strong, he needed to draw on the comfort, and tap into what his boyfriend was willingly giving him. He knew logically that he could tell Noah anything, but logic was not his best friend today.**_

"_**Noah," he said, hoping his voice wasn't as shaky as it sounded to his ears. "You…you startled me."**_

"_**I'm sorry about yesterday," Noah said reaching out to stroke his cheek again. Luke tried hard not to flinch. This was Noah…he loved Noah…Noah was safe…he needed to be strong…normal for him. "You aren't still mad at me are you?"**_

_**The fear in that voice almost did him in, but somehow he managed to nod. Then he realized that he needed to shake his head. His brain was not being cooperative today at all.**_

"_**I'm not mad at you, Noah," he said reaching out to take his boyfriend's hand, interlinking their fingers. He could do that; he could deal with that small connection. "I love you…so much and I'm sorry we argued."**_

_**HE pulled away when Noah leaned in to kiss him. And his heart broke just a little at the sight of those sad blue eyes.**_

"_**We can't always kiss it to make it better, Noah," he said, his hand touching Noah's cheek, "And I'm sorry if I seem a little…off. I guess I'm just tired and I don't feel so good…" it was a lame excuse; he knew it was but he hoped Noah would accept it for now.**_

"_**You don't have a fever," Noah commented and Luke once again tried hard not to flinch at his touch. You do look a bit flushed though. Do you need me to stay home and take care of you? I can call out sick and…"**_

"_**No," Luke said, sure his voice sounded loud to Noah's ears. "You are not going to miss work because of me. You have that important meeting today, remember?"**_

"_**That's not as important as you, Luke," Noah countered, a frown settling on his lips. "If you aren't feeling well I can reschedule..."**_

"_**I'll be fine," Luke told him, forcing a smile to cross his lips. "One of us has to go to work today. Otherwise they may begin to wonder about us."**_

"_**Listen to you, trying to be humorous when you obviously don't feel well," Noah allowed a smile to replace his frown. "You sure you aren't mad at me?"**_

"_**Luke shook his head. "I love you, Noah. Just…just remember that, okay?"**_

_**Before Noah had a chance to answer Luke was asleep. Just like that, and Noah felt his head once more before lowering him down to the couch. He was worried about his Luciano, and a part of him still thought he should stay home, but he had promised Luke he would go to work. He pushed Luke's hair off his forehead and gave him a soft kiss. "I love you to Luciano," he said to the sleeping figure. "I love you too."**_

_**The apartment was eerily quiet when he opened his eyes again. Noah had left breakfast on the inn table along with a note. With a heavy sigh, he forced himself to move. He sat up, making sure to keep the blanket wrapped around him. He almost wished he hadn't sent Noah off to work, but he knew it was for the best in the long run. His stomach grumbled and he knew he needed to eat, even if the mere thought of doing so made him want to hurl.**_

_**Forgetting the food for a moment, he reached out to pick up Noah's note.**_

**Luke,**

**I hope this makes you feel better. I'll check in on you later today. I will be thinking about you.**

**Love Noah**

_**A sad smile crossed his lips as he folded the note neatly. He would eat, for Noah, even though he felt sick to his stomach. Later when he was done he could do what needed to be done.**_

_**When he couldn't avoid it anymore he loosened his grip on the blanket and allowed it to fall from his shoulders. He wanted out of those clothes. He wanted to burn them and purge the thoughts from his brain. The memory of those hands that weren't Noah's was still fresh and he wanted it gone.**_

_**Somehow he knew it wouldn't be as simple as that. He was painfully aware that he would never truly be rid of those memories. He was tainted, dirty and nothing would…could ever make him feel clean.**_

_**He couldn't shed those clothes fast enough. The red shirt that was once one of his favorites, and his jeans, the pair Noah loved to see him in, they were ruined. Just the sight of them made him sick. He stuffed the offending items into a plastic bag and hid them away. He would discard them later…but for now they would stay where Noah wouldn't find them.**_

_**Upon entering the bathroom he felt his boyfriend's presence. Noah's scent lingered in the air and his robe hung behind the door. He lingered for a moment by the robe, pulling the material to his nose so he could inhale that familiar scent. He wanted so badly to wrap himself in that scent, to feel the comfort and safety Noah's arms provided. But he couldn't…not yet.**_

_**He forced himself to let go of the robe and went over to the shower. Noah had left the cap off the shampoo and it made Luke sad to think that his boyfriend must have been in a hurry….and that was probably because he was worried about him.**_

_**With a sigh Luke turned on the water, making it as hot as he dared before stepping inside. The scalding droplets hit his skin with such force that it made him gasp and sob. His hands trembled as he lathered up a wash cloth and he tried hard to think about the moments he and Noah shared in that very shower.**_

_**But this time the memories wouldn't come.**_

_**Instead it was another set of hands that came to mind. It was another man's touch he was remembering and he wished to God that he could forget it. It scared him, just how much he recalled of what had happened. He could feel the man's breath, and he could feel the pressure of that body has he struggled beneath it. His hands were shaking so bad as he scrubbed wanting to rid himself of all of it. 'You owe me Luke,' that voice had said, 'it's time for you to pay.'**_

_**He closed his eyes and scrubbed until his skin was completely raw. He stopped only when he felt something sticky. His eyes opened and he was shocked to realize he had made himself bleed. HE didn't know how long he stood there watching the pink water swirl down the drain. At some point the water turned cold and he began to shiver. Tears were streaming down his face and his heart sank as he realized the shower hadn't helped at all. If anything the bad thoughts were even more present than they had been before.**_

_**How could he have been so stupid? Noah had tried to warn him, but he had been so stubborn, so trusting. All he had wanted was a friend. If only he had listened…**_

_**The phone sounded shrill and loud in the quiet apartment. Luke sighed and turned off the shower before reaching for a towel. It could only be Noah calling him, and he knew if he didn't answer his boyfriend would just worry about him. **_

"_**Hello," he said hoping his voice sounded calm and peaceful. He didn't want to alarm Noah. Not when he had such an important day ahead of him.**_

"_**Hi Luke."**_

_**He froze, his hand clenching the phone as the color faded from his cheeks.**_

"_**Noah said, you weren't feeling well today. I wanted to check on you."**_

"_**You have no right calling me," he said finding his voice. He only hoped it wasn't trembling.**_

"_**I was concerned when you didn't come in this morning. Are you feeling alright…or are you still recovering from last night."**_

_**The bile rose, burning his throat as he hung up the phone. He dashed for the bathroom and kneeled down in front of the toilet just in time.**_

_**He was shivering once he was finished. His stomach was empty and his eyes were stinging with tears. He forced himself off the floor and stumbled back into the bedroom he shared with Noah. He hated feeling so weak, and so helpless…he didn't want to feel anything.**_

_**His phone rang again, but he ignored it as he found clothes to put on. After much searching, he concluded that his clothes just weren't going to do. Everything he looked at made him cringe and think of things he wanted to forget. Finally he decided on a pair of Noah's seat pants and an old t-shirt. He pulled on Noah's red hoodie and for added warmth covered it up with Noah's robe as well. There was something comforting about wearing his boyfriend's clothes and he needed that right now.**_

_**His phone continued to ring and he knew he should answer it. Especially if Noah was trying to reach him. He really needed to get his phone fixed. The LCD was completely ruined after yesterday, and he hadn't gotten around to fixing the ringtone issue. Noah would only worry about him more if he didn't answer, which meant he really needed to pick up the phone…and he would the next time it rang.**_

_**As it turned out he didn't have to wait long for that next call. He quickly reached for the phone which he had set on the counter, and flipped it open.**_

"_**Yes, Noah?" he said taking a chance that it might be his boyfriend. HE even hoped he sounded cheery, so Noah wouldn't be concerned.**_

_**The silence that followed made his heart sink, and his cheer deflated like a balloon. Noah or any of his family or friends would have said something by now. His little sister would have giggled and just about anyone else would have cracked a joke or made a suggestion that he should get his phone fixed.**_

"_**Why did it take you so long to answer the phone, Sunshine?"**_

"_**Don't call me that," Luke said through clenched teeth. "I told you to stop calling me."**_

"_**Noah asked me to check on you," Randy said smoothly. "I told him I would since I was concerned myself." **_

_**Luke's laugh was bitter, and he marveled at his ability to remain calm at this moment. "You don't give a damn about me, and I don't want you calling me. Just forget my number, and my name. Forget you ever knew me, I don't ever want to see you again."**_

"_**You can't stop thinking about it, can you?"**_

_**He knew he should hang up the phone. He knew he needed to ignore that voice, but if Noah had asked him to call…no that didn't make sense. If Noah wanted to check on him, he would have done it himself.**_

"_**I'm not thinking about it at all," he lied, hoping his voice sounded convincing. Truthfully, it was all he could remember. The unwanted touches, the unheard protests and the sheer agony…he remembered every minute of it and it disgusted him. **_

"_**It's all right to enjoy how good it was, Luke. I enjoyed every minute of it."**_

"_**Where's Noah," Luke asked the fear evident in his tone."**_

"_**He's in a meeting. He called you before he left but you wouldn't pick up the phone. Nice of you to pick up for me though."**_

"_**You're sick," Luke said bitterly.**_

"_**That wasn't what you were saying yesterday."**_

"_**I didn't realize you were listening, considering you didn't stop," Luke countered, trying to keep his voice controlled. HE was sure that someone…the devil was working against him. He didn't want to talk to Randy anymore…never again if he could help it. But he knew that wasn't possible. Oakdale wasn't exactly a large city.**_

_**He closed his eyes for a moment in an attempt to block out the sound of Randy's voice, the feel of those hands, but it wasn't working. He felt so…stupid…angry…dirty and broken. If Noah found out the truth would he lose him?**_

"_**Don't worry, Sunshine, I won't tell Noah about our affair. You just tell me when I can have you again. I'm looking at our spot right now."**_

_**He surprised himself with how fast he closed his phone and threw it across the room. The phone hit the wall with a sickening thud before it hit the floor. He had tears in his eyes as he walked over to it. Those images just would not go away and he hated it…hated feeling this alone…this scared.**_

_**The phone was loud as it started ringing yet again. He just wanted it to stop. Impulsively he kicked it, and stomped on it until the ringing ceased. And then he continued to rage taking his anger out the only way he could.**_

_**For a long moment he stood there looking down at the shattered pieces of his phone. He needed to clean up. He couldn't leave that there for Noah to find. With a heavy sigh he went to find the broom and the dustpan to sweep up the mess. The least he could do since he was home was make sure Noah came home to a clean apartment.**_

_**It was just after noon when he finished tidying things up. It was still too early to start Noah's dinner, but he knew he needed to eat something himself. His stomach was very angry with him. He halfheartedly looked through the fridge moving things around as he searched for something edible.**_

_**He froze momentarily when his eyes settled on a brown paper bag, hiding behind a carton of milk. He frowned and reached for it, his mind already remembering when it had found a home in the refrigerator. The plan had been for Noah to discard it, give it back to the Colonel or to someone who would appreciate it. That had been the idea anyway. Until then it would sit in the back of the fridge, unassuming and invisible and that had worked until today.**_

_**His hands trembled as he reached into the bag and pulled out the bottle. It felt hot to him, even though it was really very cold. He backed away from the ice box, barely hearing the door close as his mind churned with memories.**_

_**One drink wouldn't hurt…would it? Just a few sips to calm his nerves. Just enough to help him relax…just enough to numb the pain.**_

_**He was afraid of the images that were ingrained in his bri9n. He hated being scared. He didn't want to think about it. Didn't want to remember those hands touching him roughly. Nor did he want to recall the sound of ripped fabric and his own muffled protests…he just wanted it all to go away.**_

_**He took the bottle in the living room and sat it on the table. He took his seat on the couch, the blanket within arm's reach and he stared hard at the bottle before him. His mind was working overtime, trying to think of a way around this. He wanted the memories gone, but did he want to go down this road again? He thought of Noah, and his parents. How would they feel if they knew? What would his grandma say if she found out? Could he put them all thorough that again? **_

_**But they didn't have to know. He was better at hiding things now…he could take this one drink and no one would be the wiser. Not his parents, not his grandmother...Noah. He would put the bottle back in the brown bag, and get rid of it himself. He would explain that he had cleaned out their refrigerator and…**_

_**The phone rang breaking him out of his jumbled thoughts. It was sitting right next to him. All he needed to do was reach for it…but he wanted to screen the call first. He really didn't feel like talking to anyone, though he would pick up if it was Noah. He would talk to his boyfriend, and plead with him to come home…even if that was very selfish of him.**_

_**Two…three…four rings sounded before the call went to the answering machine. Luke heard the familiar beep before the their greeting message played**_

"_**You've reached the home of Mayer and Snyder…""Why does your name get to go first" Luke laughed" "Because it's first alphabetically now hush," Luke laughs as Noah continues, "We're unavailable to take your call at this time, but if you leave a name and a message after the beep, one of us will get back to you shortly." "Or you can catch us on our cell phones," Luke' laughed again just before the beep sounded. **_

_**Luke smiled sadly, remembering the day they had recorded that message. It was too bad that playful moments like that wouldn't happen anymore.**_

"_**HI Luke" the color drained from his face and his smile disappeared. Would he ever be free of this madness. "I know you're there, and you should really pick up the phone. I wouldn't want that boyfriend of yours to hear what I have to say. And I know you don't either. He wanted me to let you know that his meeting was running late, which I figured you would be happy about. It means I can come over and we can pick up where we left off last night."**_

_**He didn't hear anymore of the message. He picked up the phone quickly and then slammed it back down, causing the table and the lamp to shake. He turned the ringer off on the phone and silenced the messaging machine, not even thinking about the fact that now Noah couldn't get in touch with him at all. He couldn't think about Noah right now…he couldn't think about anything but that damned voice that just wouldn't go away.**_

_**His hand trembled as he reached out for the bottle. Once again the cool glass seemed to burn his hand, but he held on to it anyway. Shaky fingers twisted the top off the bottle, and tears were in his eyes as he brought the bottle to his lips. **_

_**Just one sip…enough to make all the bad feelings go away. Just one drink…and he could forget about Randy, he could forget about the world. His eyes closed momentarily as the liquid slid down his throat. He coughed as his body tried to reject the liquid. He swallowed a couple of times, and took a second sip…that was good. The wine would make him sleepy. That was what he wanted…what he needed. He needed to let go…he needed to drink.**_


	14. Chapter 14

It was just after five when Noah made it home. A frown was set across his features because he knew he was running late. He and Luke were supposed to be at the Snyder farm already, preparing to carve the Hubbard squash. Luke had informed him that this tradition was a big deal to his family and not one to be taken lightly.

It didn't help that he hadn't heard from Luke all day either. That alone was enough to set him into a panic. He had called multiple times to check in, with no luck. The mere thought of something being wrong with Luke drove him nuts. He had come close to backing out of the presentation more than once, to get home to Luke, but he always convinced himself he was overreacting.

The fact that Luke was asleep on the couch only served to make him crazier, and just a little sad. Something was really wrong if Luke was sleeping through his favorite holiday. Even with everything going on with his grandma, Luke had been excited about Thanksgiving dinner. It was one of the few topics that could put a smile on his face…and now it seemed like he was going to miss it.

Noah moved further into the house and stopped behind the couch to look at his sleeping lover. The first thing he noticed was that Luke looked flushed. Immediately Noah placed a hand on Luke's forehead to take his temperature. Luke didn't have a fever, but his sleeping still concerned Noah a bit. It was a moment later before he noticed that what Luke was wearing.

Noah recognized the robe as his own, and the sweat pants were ones from a few years ago. The hood of his favorite hoodie was covering Luke's head, and Noah wondered how he had missed that a second ago. The fact that Luke was wearing his things didn't faze him…he was used to Luke borrowing his clothes, even if they looked a little big on him. What concerned him was that Luke had pulled on the robe as well. He just didn't know what to think about that. In any case Luke certainly didn't look like he was in any condition to go anywhere. Noah wasn't sure if he even wanted to risk waking him up.

He made his way around the couch so he could kneel by Luke's side. His foot made contact with a bottle under the table and he moved to see what it was. Before he had a chance to react, to the bottle, his cell phone rang. He ignored it for a moment, choosing instead to focus on his sleeping mate. He didn't like the direction his mind was going in, but he couldn't think of another way to explain the empty wine bottle.

His phone was ringing again, and the sound jarred him out of his thoughts. He put the bottle down to answer his phone, all the while checking Luke's temperature yet again. "Hello."

"There you are," the voice of Luke's mom filled his ears. "Is everything alright, Noah? You and Luke are coming to dinner, right?"

"Um," Noah started, his eyes once again focusing on Luke. He needed to make a split second decision and he didn't think that Luke was in the right frame of mind to deal with his family.

"Actually, we're going to pass on dinner tonight, Lily. Luke hasn't been feeling well all day, and right now he's sleeping."

"Oh, no, my poor baby," Lily said the concern clear in her voice. "Has he been feeling sick again? Is it the infection? Is he working too hard again, Noah? I thought you two had an arrangement."

"He's still coming in to work with me during the day," Noah admitted as he stood up to discard of the wine bottle. "But he doesn't do much but read scripts and write mostly. We had company yesterday though, and…I just don't have the heart to wake him up. I'm sorry, Lily. We were really looking forward to Thanksgiving dinner with you…it's all Luke would talk about…"

"It's okay, Noah," Lily cut him off. "Luke's health is more important than a stuffed bird."

"But what about the Hubbard squash?"

"You can carve it next year," Lily assured him warmly. "Now go, take care of my son. And tell him we'll be thinking about him."

"Thanks, Lily. I'll make sure he knows."

He was focusing on the bottle in his hands before he even hung up the phone. It was the bottle that had been sitting in their refrigerator since their anniversary. The one he should have disposed of ages ago…and now it was empty. He sighed and placed the bottle in a plastic bag, tying it securely before placing it in another plastic bag, tying that one as well. Once he was done he lifted up his arms and smashed it as hard as he could against the counter. The sound of splintering glass resounded in his ears and he looked towards the living room wondering if the sound had awakened Luke.

"Oh Luke," he said with a heavy sigh. "What are you doing?" It was a question he knew he couldn't ask, because somehow he was certain Luke wouldn't know the answer.

Luke was still out of it when Noah returned to the living room. He knelt down beside him and let his fingers touch the blond hair that looked disheveled from sleep. "I wish you'd wake up, Luke," he whispered, as his hand caressed Luke's cheek before sliding down to rest on his shoulder.

Luke moaned and shifted, but his eyes did not open. Noah frowned. He gently pushed on Luke's shoulder, trying once more to arouse him but to no avail. Luke was out for the count. Noah stood and lifted him into his arms. Luke groaned and rested his head on Noah's shoulder.

"Don't worry, Luciano, I got you," he said as he carried him into the bedroom. Silently, he pulled back the blankets and rested Luke's head on the pillow. He made quick work of Luke's layers of clothing, and tucked him in snugly before preparing for bed himself. His stomach growled but he didn't care about food right now. He just wanted to be with Luke.

He climbed into bed and wrapped his arms around Luke's slim frame. It felt nice to hold him there, but it was different somehow. He didn't know what to think about the fact that Luke had started drinking again. What had brought it on? Was it his fault? Was it because of the fight they had last night? Did it have something to do with Randy?" That last thought irritated him. If for some reason Randy was responsible for Luke drinking again then Noah was going to kill him. Thinking of Randy reminded him of the fight and it made him angry. Not at Randy…but at himself. As much as he wanted to blame the intern…in the end this was HIS fault, and he knew that. He should not have let Randy egg him on like that. He should have ignored the man…he should have kept his promise to Luke. Now he had messed up, and Luke was upset with him…and he had turned to the bottle. He rested his head against Luke's back and closed his eyes, wanting to shut out the world for awhile. He didn't know what to do about Luke's drinking, and he couldn't think about it tonight. All he knew was that he would protect Luke anyway he could…that would have to be enough for now.

Luke could feel the pressure of the body against him and it made him panic. He couldn't move, no matter how hard he tried, that body seemed to press down harder. He wanted to scream, but he knew that wouldn't be a good idea. He wanted to cry…but that probably wouldn't be wise either. His head felt like cotton, and he was afraid that any minute now he would pass out. It wasn't a very pleasant feeling.

The body shifted against him and he gasped. His eyes flew open, and he was surprised to find that he was in his bedroom at home. The arms around him were not those of his tormenter. It was Noah…he was with Noah, but right now that thought didn't give him as much comfort as it should have. He felt guilty for being there, wrapped up in warmth that no longer belonged to him. He felt stupid, because he had no idea how he had ended up undressed and in bed beside Noah.

With a heavy heart he slipped out of Noah's arms and out of their bed completely. He couldn't stay. In truth he should have already been gone. Noah would be better off without him here…he had come to accept that as fact. His head was pounding but he ignored the pain as he stumbled around for the bag he was taking with him. He had thought ahead…had everything planned including the note Noah would find in the morning….right on his pillow.

"Luke?" Noah's voice made him jump and the lights that suddenly flooded the room hurt his eyes. He turned and found Noah getting out of bed. "What's wrong? Where are you going? What are you doing?" Noah asked frantically. He reached out to touch Luke, but Luke backed away.

"Please don't try to stop me," Luke pleaded. "I Need to go…I need to get out of here, Noah."

"No," Noah said coming closer still. Luke moved back again and gulped when he realized he had pinned himself against the wall. "Please Luke, tell me what's wrong?"

"I can't stay here," Luke said simply. "I have to get out of here."

"Are you mad at me?" Noah asked sadly?

"NO…" Luke shook his head. "Noah, it's not you…I'm…I'm sorry. I just don't deserve you anymore, and being in the same place with you is just so…I can't do it."

"Luke," Noah started, trying to wrap his head around what was being said. "I know you're drinking again. I know something's wrong…and I don't want you to leave. Please, Luke whatever is going on we can get through it together. Don't leave me, okay?"

"I can't stay in this room," Luke said trying to sound resolute but failing miserably. He hated seeing Noah so sad, and hated knowing that it was because of him. "I've just let you down so much, Noah. I don't deserve you."

"Look, it's the middle of the night, and you've been drinking. You aren't thinking clearly and you probably don't' even know what you're saying," Noah said trying to keep his voice calm. "How about we go back to bed and talk about this in the morning."

"I can't stay in this room, Noah," Luke repeated with a shake of his head.

"Okay, Okay, you don't have to stay in here, but please don't leave the apartment. Can you do that much for me Luke? I want you here. You can go back to sleep on the couch if that is what you need to do, but please don't leave me."

Noah's sincerity almost broke Luke's heart. He nodded his agreement. If Noah wanted him to stay…then he would for now. "Good night Noah," he said turning to walk out of the room.

Noah watched him go and sat down heavily on the bed. His heart was beating fast and he felt like he was on the verge of tears. He listened for a long time before he was satisfied that Luke had indeed just collapsed on the couch. Even still he didn't sleep well that night. He was too afraid of waking up and finding Luke gone for good.

From that day forward things seemed to go from bad to worse. Noah didn't know how to describe it really, but there was a tear in the connection he and Luke shared. Right now it was like a small rip in the fabric…easily fixable if he could find just the right thread. He wanted to repair it before it became a huge gaping hole. The last thing Noah wanted was for his relationship with Luke to fall apart completely. He just didn't know how to stop it from happening.

"Where are you going?" he asked as Luke pulled on his coat.

"I'm going to see Grandma," Luke answered his back to Noah.

"Do you want me to take you?" Noah asked.

"That's okay." Luke's voice sounded shaky, and Noah frowned.

"Are you alright to drive?"

"I'm not drunk, Noah. I'm just sad."

"You know I worry about you, Luke."

"I know." Noah knew this couldn't be possible, but Luke sounded sadder than he had a moment before.

"And you know I love you right?"

His question was met with silence and after what seemed an eternity Luke turned to face him. "I'll be home late tonight. You…you don't have to wait up."

And then he was gone, and Noah wasn't sure what to make of the fact that Luke hadn't said I love you back.

"If you don't get a move on, Luke we're going to be late for work," Noah called into the bedroom. Luke had disappeared into the room at least twenty minutes ago, and Noah hoped everything was okay. It was Monday, and Noah was actually glad to have an excuse to get out of the apartment. Things had been strained with Luke over the weekend. He wasn't sure how to explain it really…it was just different. He couldn't remember there ever being so much silence in their small space. Sure they had their times when neither of them said a word, nor did they need to. But the quiet that surrounded them on Saturday and Sunday was anything but welcome.

"Why aren't you dressed yet?" Noah asked as he took a sip of his orange juice. Luke was standing in the doorway with a frown on his face. His eyes looked tired, and Noah wished he could make the morose feelings go away. Luke didn't' seem to want him to do that anymore. "You aren't planning to go to work in my pajamas are you?"

"I'm not going in today, Noah," Luke said, keeping his voice neutral. "I've decided that you were right, and I need to take it easy. I think it would be best if I just stayed home and only worried about school. We have exams soon so that won't be too long. And this way I won't make you late for work…and you don't have to worry about me."

Noah frowned. He actually liked having Luke at work with him. He could keep a better eye on him there. "Luke, are you okay?" he asked, already trying to figure out how he could get out of work that day. He didn't like the idea of leaving Luke home alone again.

"I'm fine," Luke said flashing a smile that didn't reach his eyes. "I don't want to be a burden on you…did your speech go well on Thursday?"

Noah blinked and tried to recover quickly from the change of subject. He really should be used to that when it came to his lover. But sometimes Luke managed to catch him off guard. "Yes it was perfect, your writing is always perfect, just like you."

He wasn't sure why his statement put such a pained look on Luke's face. It hurt him to see his lover so unhappy. There was definitely something going on and he wished that Luke would confide in him. Noah knew that was a futile hope though…especially if he was the reason his mate was upset. "Are you sure you want to stay home Luke? I'll check in on you every hour…you have to answer your phone for me today okay?"

"I don't have a cell phone," Luke admitted sadly. In that moment he looked like that little boy who just admitted to having his hand in the cookie jar. "I need to get it replaced…it's all messed up."

Noah sighed and frowned. "Don't worry about that. We have insurance on our plan…I'll take care of that this morning. In the meanwhile I better get going. I'm going to call you, so answer the phone, okay."

"IF it will make you feel better Noah…I'll answer each time."

Before last Wednesday that last statement would have warranted a kiss. Noah wouldn't have hesitated to sweep Luke into his arms and remind him just how much he adored him. He wanted to do that now, but the moment he took a step forward Luke took a step back.

"Thank you," he said softly, taking another sip of juice before clearing his throat. "I'd appreciate it. You know I worry about you a lot."

There was another awkward pause before Luke nodded and returned to the bedroom. Noah sighed and grabbed his bag and keys. He made sure that Luke would be able to hear the phone. Somehow the ringer had been off, and he was sure that was why Luke missed his calls on Thursday. Once he was satisfied that everything was okay, he let Luke know he was going, and he left even though he was reluctant to do so.

The sound of the ringing telephone woke Luke out of his hazy dreams. He groaned and reached his hand up to answer the phone; His eyes were still closed as he brought the receiver to his ear.

"Hi Dork."

"Did I wake you up?" Noah asked concerned.

"IT's okay. I need to wake up anyway. I don't suppose that it would be a good idea to sleep the day away right?" Luke yawned and opened his eyes, shifting so he could sit up on the couch.

"You get as much rest as you need, Luke. Did you take your medicine? Did you eat breakfast?"

"I miss you Noah," Luke sighed sadly. "I'm sorry I've been kinda out of it the last few days…I just have a lot going on. But I want you to know that I miss you so much."

"Same here," Noah said softly. "You didn't answer my question though. Do I have to come home to take care of you?"

Luke managed a small smile and ran a hand through his hair. He actually did feel a little better today. He still felt incredibly guilty about what had happened, but he was hoping his new plan would make things bearable. He was willing to try. "No, you dork. You don't have to do that. I'm a big boy and I can take care of myself just fine. I took my medicine before I laid back down…and I ate something too. I…I really am okay, Noah. I just think I worked myself too hard last week. With Grandma still in the hospital and…everything else, I just need a break."

""Well I just want you to get better," Noah admitted. "I want to fix us."

"Yeah, me too." Luke's voice was laced with a thin layer of sadness…he just hoped Noah didn't notice. "I better go see about lunch…and you decide what's on the menu tonight."

"I was going to pick us up some Chinese today, so you just relax. I will talk to you later. And Luke?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

"I love you too Noah," he said after a brief moment of silence. "Just remember that…okay."

He had no sooner placed the phone on the hook when it rang again. "Did you forget something?"

James' laughter filled the phone, taking Luke completely by surprise. "Let me guess you thought I was Noah?"

"Yeah…I just got off the phone with him. How did you know I was home?"

"That would be your best friend's fault," James explained. "She seems to think that since you are off work and I'm off then we could take this time to bond or something like that."

"That sounds like Maddie," Luke sighed. "I don't see a problem with hanging out today though. I'm going to study some, and just relax, but I wouldn't mind the company."

"Okay, I will let you know if plans change…but tentatively I will see you in a few hours."

"Okay. Bye."

Luke hung up the phone, and was just about to stand when it rung yet again. "Did you change your mind already about wanting to see me," he asked smiling for the first time in what seemed like years.

"I still want to see you Sunshine. It's nice to know you want to see me too."

The color drained from his face and Luke opened his mouth to say something but no words came out. He gripped the phone tightly, and tried to think but his mind was paralyzed with fear. He wished he could just hang up.

"It's nice to know that I render you speechless too, Luke. I knew after a few days you would miss me…so what I'm going to do is slip over to your place on my lunch break, and we can pick up where we left off."

Luke slammed the phone down and closed his eyes. He took deep breaths as he counted to ten, trying to calm his frazzled nerves. He was not going to let Randy get to him…he couldn't, it would only make him sicker. The best thing he could do right now was forget about that call.

He needed to focus...on something, anything to get his mind off of that damned voice. He went into the kitchen to grab a drink of water and continued to relax his breathing. He took another sip of water and pushed away from the counter. He would be fine; he just needed to lie down again.

He had just drifted off to sleep when the phone rang again. He reached for it weakly and placed the receiver to his ear. "Hello," he said trying to stifle a yawn.

"Getting sleepy before I even get there Sunshine? That's not very nice of you."

Luke cringed at the sickening chuckle and tried to close his ears to it as he sat up. He moved to fast and for a moment his equilibrium was off balance. "Why do you keep…calling me?" he asked trying to steady his voice. He did not need this right now…he wished Noah was home.

"I just wanted to finalize our plans for this afternoon," Randy said smoothly. "I had a few minutes to spare since your boyfriend's meeting ran late. And he swapped breaks with me as well so we have extra time to spend together. Your man is so thoughtful, letting me have you all to myself. I can't wait to get a piece of you. Having you squirm beneath me was quite nice indeed. You can't wait for it can you, Luke? You are probably writhing right now just thinking about it."

His hand was shaking as he tried to restrain himself from throwing the phone. Somehow he managed to hang it up. He forced himself to get up from his seat and willed himself to leave. He couldn't stay there...he just needed to go.

The cold air hit him full force as he stepped out of the apartment complex. He welcomed the cold, letting it bite at his face as he breathed in the fresh air. He stuffed his hands in his pockets and started walking. The last thing he wanted to do was get behind a wheel right now.

He was walking through Olde Town when he thought he heard someone call him.

"Come on Snyder, I don't have all day."

He turned trying to find the speaker…he didn't recognize the voice and, then again no one really called him Snyder anymore.

"I'm coming, I'm coming," he heard a familiar voice respond and turned just in time to see his cousin whiz past him. Luke narrowed his eyes. He was sure it wasn't time for Parker to be out of school just yet. He watched the boy walk to catch up with his friends and casually moved to follow them. They walked away from the center of town and stopped by an alleyway. Luke stepped up behind his cousin his hands in his pockets as he leaned close to whisper in Parker's ear.

"Shouldn't you be in school?"

Parker turned around quickly his eyes wide with shock as he took in his older cousin. "Uh, Luke…hi. I was just…school was boring. You know how it is around the holidays nothing really exciting to do." Parker shrugged and looked nervously behind him. Luke followed his gaze and noticed that the other boys were hiding cans behind their backs.

"Are you drinking," Luke asked, his eyes focused on Parker again.

"Don't tell my dad. We're just having fun."

"Have you ever known me to be a tattle tale?" Luke said shrugging his shoulders. "Actually you might be able to help me."

"How?" Parker said knitting his brow.

Luke shrugged sheepishly. "Tell me where you got the alcohol."

Parker didn't' know what to say to that. He usually had a sixth sense about things, but it had never been easy to read his cousin Luke. "Why do you want to know that?" he asked warily. "You aren't going to get me or my friends in trouble are you?"

"I already told you I'm not a tattle tale…and what Jack doesn't know won't hurt him. I just want to know for my own reasons.

Parker took a moment to look at his cousin, trying to size up the situation. There was just something about the look in Luke's eyes that made him decide to help him. He had a feeling he'd regret that decision later, but right now he just didn't want to get in trouble. And if all Luke wanted to know was who supplied the alcohol…

"Finn's father," Parker said pointing to the friend to his left. "I'm sure he will give you some if you want it."

"Hey don't offer out my…oww," Finn said in response to Parker jabbing him in the ribs. "What do you want? Shit that hurt!"

"Vodka if you have it," Luke said facing the boy named Finn.

The alcohol changed hands and Luke and Parker agreed to keep quiet about things. Luke wouldn't tell Jack that Parker had cut school and was drinking. And Parker wouldn't divulge the fact that Luke had asked for liquor. Luke opened his bottle as soon as he was away from the group of teens. He took a swig and coughed before the liquid went down his throat. He took another swig and wiped his mouth. This was just what he needed…it was the only way to forget about things, and he really wanted to forget.

He jumped when he felt a hand touch his shoulder and was surprised to find kind green eyes staring down at him. He was a bit disoriented as he looked around and realized he was sitting outside his apartment with a brown paper bag beside him. "James?" he asked looking once more at the man who was kneeling beside him. "What happened?"

"I was hoping you could tell me, Luke. Are you okay?"

"A little dizzy," Luke said leaning his head against the door for a moment. "I must have passed out.." he trailed off as he realized he didn't really have an explanation. He focused on trying to get up, and was grateful that James was there to catch him before he fell back down.

"Easy, Luke. Give me your keys, I'll get you inside. Do you want me to call Noah?"

Luke fumbled around until he found his keys and waited for James to unlock the door. Once it was open he forced himself out of James' grasp and stumbled inside, somehow managing to make it to the couch. "I'm sorry James; I guess I'm sicker than I thought. Can we make our…our thing another time."

All Luke wanted to do was close out the world, but he didn't think he would be that lucky…and he was right. James leaned over the couch watching him so intently that Luke lifted his head to glance at him. "What?"

"You're not fine," James said seriously. "And if you're sick you certainly didn't help yourself by drinking."

"James…" Luke said his head falling back to the couch.

"Maddie would skin me alive if I left you here in this condition. And I want to stay on Noah's good side too…so, I think I'll wait here until he gets home." James frowned and Luke sighed. He didn't want to put James in a bad spot with Maddie.

"Luke, what's going on in here?" Noah's voice was added to the fray and Luke groaned. He closed his eyes tightly and tried to bury his face into the couch. "Oh hey, James I didn't know you were here."

"I haven't been here long," James said shaking his head. "It was lucky that I came along when I did…Luke wasn't doing too well."

Noah frowned, he was holding a brown paper bag in his hands, and right now he was wondering if James had even noticed it.

"He sounded fine earlier…but now he sounds really out of it," James continued. "I was going to call you to let you know…I figured you would be concerned."

"Thanks, James," Noah said wearily. "Luke hasn't been doing so well since he got out of the hospital. I just hope he doesn't have to go back anytime soon."

"Well, I'll let him be, then. Maybe when Luke gets better the three of us can hang out or the four of us can go out or something."

"After the holidays," Noah nodded. "You found him outside?" He asked again his voice laced with worry.

"Yeah. It seemed to me that he had been there for a while, but he was pretty disoriented when he woke up.. James paused, his brow furrowed as he tried to pick his next words carefully. "He reeks of vodka, Noah," he said seriously, meeting Noah's eyes head on. "He could barely walk in here. Something must be wrong if he's drinking in the middle of the day."

"I can hear you," Luke called from the couch. "And I'm not…drunk…just dizzy."

Noah looked sadly at his boyfriend before turning h is attention back to James. "Luke will be okay. No need to worry, and there's no need to concern Maddie with this either. He's just not…healing as well as we hoped. And he's not dealing with…things well." Even though the words were coming out of his mouth, Noah wasn't sure he truly believed them. He was more confused than anything, but at the moment his eyes were pleading with James to keep this to himself

"I don't know Noah, I don't think that's the best idea…"

"Just for now, until I or Luke can explain it to her pleases."

James sighed. "Alright, I won't say anything. I don't like it…but I don't want to worry Maddie unless there is a reason to."

Noah was relieved and he thanked James again for helping Luke out. Once James was gone, he focused on the bag he had found by the door. Inside was an empty vodka bottle, and Noah's heart sank just a little more.

He threw the empty bottle in the trash and slipped outside long enough to get the Chinese food Containers he had left at the door. He set the food down on the table and made his way to the couch where Luke was resting.

"I'm sorry Noah," Luke said his voice sounding a bit off to Noah's ears. "I …I just don't feel well, and I don't want to be touched okay?"

It was a strange statement, but Noah didn't want to press him right now. He knelt down beside him and willed himself not to reach out to touch the blond hair that was in Luke's eyes. "What happened between the time I talked to you and this afternoon, Luke?"

Luke shook his head and curled deeper into the couch. It was obvious he didn't want to answer that question.

"So I suppose you don't want Chinese then?"

Luke turned and made himself sit up; catching the couch to make sure he didn't fall over. "I guess I really should eat."

"DO I need to call the doctor?"

Luke shook his head vigorously, realizing too late that this was not the best idea. "Just give me some of the food and I'll see if it will stay down. Then I'm going to get some sleep…I'm tired. I'm sorry."

Noah wanted to reach out to touch his cheek. He wanted to test his temperature to make sure he was okay. He wanted to know what had happened, but he was resigned to the fact that he wouldn't find any of that out. "Don't worry about it Luke," he said going to get plates for their food. "It's okay."

Luke watched from the doorway as Noah fiddled with his tie. He longed to be in there with him, and knew he was just torturing himself by watching. It was a mistake for him to be there or anywhere close to Noah for that matter. He truly didn't feel like he belonged there anymore and he was only making Noah sad. Tonight they were going to the WOAK Christmas party…not that he really felt like celebrating. It had been a hard couple of weeks and he really wasn't looking forward to seeing certain people.

He had wanted to back out of it, but for Noah he would be good. He could do normal as long as Noah followed the ground rules he had set.

"Luke, help me with this please. You know I am no good at it when I'm nervous."

Luke looked at him and sighed Noah looked so handsome in his pressed slacks and green buttoned-up shirt. He stepped into the room and walked over to him, willing himself to be able to do this. It wasn't a bad thing to touch Noah…he could handle initiating the contact. It just hurt be so close to him…to know that he would never again feel Noah's warmth and his strength, and he had no one to blame for that but himself.

"You shouldn't be so nervous, Noah," Luke said as he reached up to fix the tie. He knotted it just so, staying focused on what he was doing so he wouldn't have to look into those blue eyes. Noah's eyes were like magnets to him, and it would hurt even more if he had to pull away from a kiss. He didn't want to hurt Noah that way…so it was better…if Noah believed he just wasn't interested. He pulled down Noah's collar and smoothed out the creases in the shirt. Noah's body was firm beneath his fingers and he pulled his hand away as if he had been burned. "You're all set, and you're going to be fine."

They made it as far as the truck when Luke changed his mind. He couldn't do this...he couldn't go to a party knowing HE was going to be there. He wasn't sure he could handle it. He told Noah to go without him, that he was feeling a little weak, and didn't want to overstrain himself. "You don't have to stay home with me, Noah. Go…have a good time. You know Maddie will be upset with you if you miss this. Give her a kiss for me. I'm sorry Noah, I just…I can't."

He wanted to cry as he watched the truck pull away. He had made Noah sad, and part of him wished he could be strong enough to deal with this. It was only for one night…for a few hours… Luke shuddered, and it had nothing to do with the cold.

He didn't think Noah understood, he didn't even completely get it himself. He went back up to the apartment and changed into something less dressy. He still made a point to raid Noah's closet. He told Noah he just liked wearing his clothes, and was glad that he was never questioned further about it.

He felt restless and sad and he didn't want to be at home alone. A part of him wished he had begged Noah to stay…but that would have been selfish. It wasn't fair to make Noah suffer just because he had to. He got in his car and drove until he found himself at his family's home. It was sad that he couldn't even remember the last time he had been here. It couldn't have been that long ago, but it seemed like ages.

"Luke," Holden said surprised when he opened the door. Luke was just as surprised, he hadn't expected his father to be there. He thought everyone would be at the party. "Are you okay son?"

Luke blinked and realized that somehow he had drifted off and missed whatever his father had been saying. "I don't know, Dad." He said honestly. It was the truth, he didn't know if he would ever be okay again.

"Why don't you come in and get out of the cold," Holden said pulling Luke inside. "Why aren't you at the party with Noah?"

"I didn't feel like going," Luke shrugged his shoulders and sat down on the couch. He couldn't look up at his father. Not until he masked his feelings better. Holden was a master at reading him…and he definitely didn't want his father to know what he had done.

"Are you still feeling a little sick?" Holden's voice was laced with concern and worry for his son. He took a seat beside him and placed a hand on Luke's shoulder.

"I just didn't feel like being around people," Luke said shrugging his dad's hand away from his shoulder. "Why aren't you at the party?

"We're not talking about me right now," Holden retorted. "So no changing the subject. Is there something going on between you and Noah? Did you two have a fight?"

Luke shook his head. Angry tears were making their way to the surface and he knew that he would lose it if he didn't leave now. "Noah and I…Noah and I are fine. I'm just…I'm so tired of how things are."

He knew he wasn't making sense, but he didn't know what else to say. Everything was just so messed up right now and this was the last place he really wanted to be...and it was where he needed to be.

"Luke I don't understand," Holden said gently. Luke's eyes were gloomy as he looked at his dad and he shook his head.

"I tell myself that every day, dad. I don't want to talk about it and I'm sorry for that. I just can't right now, and I just need you to understand that okay?"

"What do you want me to do Luke? I can't help you if you don't talk to me. You know you can tell me anything in the world."

Luke bit his lip. He knew his dad was right. He could tell him anything…anything but this. "I just want to be held," he said honestly. "Can you do that for me? Can you just hold me?"


	15. Chapter 15

He couldn't concentrate. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't make his mind focus on the book he was studying. He didn't know why he bothered trying. HE sighed and pushed the book aside. His hand reached for the bottle sitting by his side and he took a generous gulp.

He was lonely. He could admit that. He hated this; feeling so sad, lost and weak. It all felt better when he drank, when he allowed himself to forget the bad things. Drinking kept the nightmares at bay too. Drinking, he had realized was a nice escape, but it made Noah unhappy. Luke wished he could explain it to him. HE wished to god he could tell Noah what pained him so much.

But how could he? Noah wouldn't look at him the same if he knew. He had betrayed Noah's love in the worst way possible…there was no redemption. Yet was it fair to stay here, to hold on to Noah when he couldn't truly give him what he deserved? Noah wanted him there, but would he still want him if he knew? Would anyone want him?

It seemed to him lately that all he did was make people miserable; His parents, his sisters, Maddie and especially Noah. He hated seeing the eyes he loved so well clouded over with despair whenever he looked at him.

Things had been awkward between them for weeks now. And with Christmas coming so close Luke wondered how much more he could take. A knock on the door interrupted his reverie. He sighed and stood, stretching as he went to answer it.

"Luke Snyder?" a delivery man asked holding up a package.

"That's me," Luke said taking the box. He signed for the package and thanked the guy before closing the door. For a long moment he examined the package, trying to figure out exactly what it was. It was thin and long like a square and the word fragile was splayed across the front.

He placed it down on the table and opened it carefully. Inside was the picture frame he had crafted a while back. His fingers touched it lovingly and it brought tears to his eyes.

It was one of his gifts to Noah for their first Christmas together. A framed portrait of the family that Luke had sent away to have engraved. Luke took the portrait out of the box and placed it on the table to look at it. He could remember that night perfectly. They had been so happy, everyone laughing and having a good time. Noah had wanted a picture of the family.

A smile crossed his lips as he recalled his boyfriend arranging and posing everyone just right. What Noah hadn't realized was that he was going to be a part of the picture too. Luke could easily recall the surprised look on Noah's face when the camera was taken from him, the timer set and he was pulled into the shot. His first family portrait and Luke wanted to make it a treasured memory for him.

A single tear fell on the glass as he thought of the man he loved. He missed Noah so much…it was crazy. They lived in the same apartment, they saw each other every day, yet there was a big gaping hole that separated them. Luke didn't like it, though he knew he was the reason it was there._ His fear had caused it, and he needed to fix it. For Noah…he wanted his boyfriend to be as happy as he had been in the picture. Christmas was the time for miracles right._

_Three weeks ago…almost four. It seemed much longer, but it had been three weeks since his world had been shattered and he didn't know how to fix it. _

_In all that time he hadn't returned to the station and he didn't think he could. Just thinking about it caused him to tremble and he felt sick to his stomach. Subconsciously his hand reached out for the bottle again. He closed his eyes for a moment and willed himself not to touch it. He saw Noah's forlorn eyes in his mind and he gulped._

_He could do this…he had to for Noah. His eyes opened and he looked once more at the picture. His boyfriend smiled up at him. Somehow that gave him the courage to do what he needed to do._

_He wrapped the present back up and hid it away where Noah couldn't find it. He dumped the wine in the sink and threw the offending bottle in the trash. He needed help and he knew just where to start._

_His heart beat was already racing as he reached his destination. He couldn't believe he was doing this. He had vowed never to come back there. Even though he knew that was a very illogical thought. This was his job…he had to go no matter how painful. This wasn't supposed to be so hard._

_He was calm as he entered the building, despite his heart hammering in his chest. He was focusing on the good things that had occurred in this place. This was after all where he had met Noah. It was where he first felt the attraction, where he let Noah know he liked him and where they had shared that first kiss. He couldn't forget that. Noah admitted being in love with him there too. Good memories. He had to focus on those. _

_Thinking about Noah made him feel warm inside. He was confident that he could do this. He just needed to…_

_He froze with his hand on the doorknob. His body went cold and he struggled to keep a hold of his control. _

_Noah was in there and he wasn't ready to face him yet. But it wasn't the sight of his boyfriend that made him tremble. It was who Noah was with. And what made matters worse; they were standing right near where it had happened._

_Luke closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He forced himself to turn the knob, forced himself to open the door and made himself look straight ahead._

_Two pairs of eyes stared at him. One pair warm and full of concern. The other full of something that made Luke's skin crawl._

"_Well look who decided to grace us with his presence." Luke wished those eyes would turn away. He wished he didn't tremble at the sound of that voice._

"_Are you okay, Baby?" Noah's voice reached his ears. Once again he focused on that gaze, drinking in the strength as if his life depended on it. And in some ways it did._

_Somehow he managed to shake his head causing a frown to slip across his boyfriend's lips. "I…I missed you," he stammered, hating the fact that seeing Randy still had this effect on him. "I came because I wanted to see you, but I'm sorry Noah. I…I can't stay."_

"_Luke, wait," he heard Noah say, but he didn't stop. He needed to get away from those eyes…that gaze that seemed to be undressing him. He couldn't stand it, and he knew he had made matters worse. His boyfriend surely thought he was the cause of this. Why couldn't he just talk to Noah?_

"_Hey where's the fire?" He felt a hand on his arm and almost moved to strike before he realized it was Maddie._

_Maddie was just as shocked as he was to see the fist in the air. She couldn't remember ever seeing her best friend so angry and so hurt. It scared her._

"_Maddie," he gasped, his hand trembling as he put it to his head. "Oh god, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean…I'm just going to go. You probably hate me anyway…"_

_She listened to his incoherent ramble for a moment, a frown settling over her features. Her heart went out to him. She knew something was wrong; he hadn't been around for weeks. And when she did talk to him he sounded so distant and depressed. She reached out to him again, this time slowly to give him a chance to back away if he wished._

"_It's okay Luke. I'm not going to hurt you, and I don't hate you."_

"_You should," he said as Maddie pulled him into her arms._

"_Why do you think that?" Maddie asked. Her hands rubbed her friend's back, trying to offer some comfort. She wondered if Noah had any idea what was going on. He had said Luke wasn't feeling very well. But other than that he wouldn't talk much about it._

"_Luke," Noah's voice accompanied footfalls heading their way. It wasn't lost on Maddie that this had been the direction Luke was running away from. She could feel Luke's body tense and he pulled away from her as the footsteps got closer._

"_Luke wait," she cried, but it was to no avail. By the time Noah reached her, Luke was gone._

"_What did you do to him," she demanded, turning on Noah. She regretted her words immediately when she saw the pained expression on his face._

"_I don't know, Maddie," he said sounding like he was on the verge of tears. "I've been trying to figure that out for the past…" He paused a moment counting on his fingers. "Twenty five days, twenty two hours and thirty seven minutes. Of course that isn't counting the fight we had after the dinner party." He frowned. "I still don't know why he stayed out so late that night. And he…we didn't go to his family's house for Thanksgiving because he still wasn't feeling well when I got home."_

"_Is that all?" Maddie asked, her soft voice laced with concern. "Noah," she said when he seemed to hesitate. "I can't help if I don't know everything."_

_Noah sighed. He knew she was right. He just wanted to protect Luke. Perhaps that was a part of the problem. It was evident that he couldn't help him on his own. And he wanted to help him…he was trying to._

"_When I came home on Thanksgiving, Luke was asleep on the couch."_

"_You said he wasn't feeling well," Maddie nodded. "He was still getting over his infection, right?"_

_Noah leaned against the wall and closed his eyes for a moment trying to find the right words. Luke was better at that then he was. "There was a bottle…" he stated, opening his eyes to look seriously at Maddie. "An empty bottle by the couch." _

_His voice was so low that Maddie wasn't sure she had heard him correctly. "Noah, No," she gasped. "You don't mean…are you sure?"_

"_He's drinking again," Noah confirmed gravely. "I'm not sure how he's getting the alcohol. And I don't know why he feels he has to drink, but he does. And what's even worse Maddie, is the fact that I can't even get close to him to find out why. He won't let me touch him. The slightest tap on the shoulder makes him jump and he just looks so…destroyed and…god Maddie I hate seeing that look in his eyes. I hate knowing that I did something that upset him so much that he turned to the bottle instead of me."_

_For the second time that day Maddie found herself comforting a friend. She pulled the taller man into her arms and held him for a long moment as they both grieved for their friend. Of course for Noah, Luke was far more than just a friend. He was Noah's heart and Maddie wished there was something she could do to help him get that back._

"_I don't think this is your fault, Noah," she said, her tone thoughtful as she pulled away to look up at her ex-boyfriend. "There is something going on here, but I…I don't believe that Luke is doing this to hurt you."_

"_You could have fooled me," Noah said dejectedly. Maddie could only remember seeing those blue eyes this cheerless once before; back when Luke and Noah had had their first fight. Of course that had been after just a few hours of missing Luke. This she realized was ten times worse._

"_Okay…" Maddie started, choosing her words carefully. "You and Luke had a fight after we left?"_

"_Yeah," Noah sighed sadly. "Well not exactly. "When you guys left he turned on me as soon as he slammed the door and," Noah sighed as he recalled the argument that had ensued after. "He asked me how I could do such a thing and we just ended up screaming at each other. I said some things, he said some things. I mentioned Randy's name and he said how could you and then he left."_

"_Where did he go?"_

_Noah shrugged his shoulders. "He said he was going to work."_

"_But wasn't he off that Wednesday?"_

"_He changed his mind," Noah replied sadly. _

"_So….you don't think he went to work?" Maddie prodded, trying to understand where Noah was coming from with this._

"_Honestly? I don't know what to believe anymore. I don't want to think that Luke is cheating on me but he was so angry at me…and now he's so distant. That's a classic sign of infidelity isn't it?"_

"_Maddie didn't know what to say to that. She was trying to register everything Noah was throwing at her. "Noah…" she started carefully picking her words. "You can't seriously think that Luke would skip out on you like that. You need to have more faith in him. I know this is hard for you, but whatever is going on, can't be easy for him either. And if it was just as simple as cheating, why would he be drinking again? It just doesn't make sense, and it does not sound like Luke."_

"_Truthfully, I'm starting to think I don't know him as well as I thought I did," Noah admitted sadly. _

"_Don't say that," Maddie frowned. "I know things seem bleak right now, Noah but you cannot give up on Luke. You have to stand by him, to help him through this."_

"_That's what I've been doing," Noah exclaimed, sighing as he realized he had raised his voice. He ran a hand through his hair and pushed himself away from the wall. I promised to stand by Luke for better or worse. I guess I didn't expect the worse to come so soon."_

"_Wait a minute," Maddie said slowly as she tried to process what Noah had just said. "You promised," she repeated Noah's words, "to stand by Luke for better or worse? Did I hear that right?"_

"_Till death do us part," Noah sighed as he met Maddie's eyes head on. "I swore to him that I would love him with every fiber of my being, and every beat of my heart. He…he's my reason and I can't stand that we've been apart for this long. But I don't know what to do about it. I just don't know how to help him."_

"_Wait," she said after a stunned moment of silence. "You and Luke…you mean he's…he's not…he's…" She knew she was stammering and she closed her mouth for a moment to shake her head. Her brain was trying to process so much, between the fact that her best friend was drinking again and something was terribly wrong, to the fact that her ex was spouting words that sounded strangely enough like vows._

"_I think what you're trying to ask," Noah said his voice thick with emotion, "is if Luke is still my boyfriend." He sighed when Maddie raised her eyebrows and he shook his head. "He hasn't been my boyfriend for almost five weeks now. He's my husband."_

"_You got married?" she asked following another moment of stunned silence. Noah nodded and wiped a stray tear from his eyes. He was replaying that day in his head, they had been so happy that day…Luke had been so surprised and all was right with the world. He almost wished they had stayed in Vegas. "When did you do that?" Maddie queried carefully. Her mind still reeling from this bit of news. _

"_When we went to Vegas," Noah admitted. "And as much as I would love to explain all this to you…now is not the time. I want to…need to help Luke. I need your help to do that. Maybe you can get through to him, where I can't. Please Maddie. Will you talk to him?"_

"_I'll…I'll try," she said trying to push away what she was feeling. Sure she was their best friend, and they could have told her…but that wasn't the point right now. They needed her and she was going to be there for them…somehow. Once she got them back together she would see about cocking them both upside the head for not telling her something THAT important._

"_Don't be mad at us, okay?" Noah said breaking her train of thought. "It was a spur of the moment thing and we were going to tell you after dinner that night…but the world fell apart. You know you mean everything to us Maddie; we just wanted to enjoy being newlyweds before we shared it with the world. And now I don't even know if he still wants to be married to me."_

"_Don't say things like that," Maddie snapped at him as she pulled him into another hug. "I'll talk to Luke, and we will fix this somehow…okay? We'll fix this Noah. You trust me right?"_

"_Yeah, Maddie. I do."_

"_Good now dry your tears and get back to work. "I have to go find your husband." She kissed her friend on the cheek and gave him one last hug before turning in the direction Luke had fled. This was not going to be easy by any stretch of the imagination. But for Noah and for Luke she would do her best._

_He was trembling. His hands were on the steering wheel clenching it so tightly that it made his knuckles white. He couldn't believe how stupid he had been to think he could do this. He didn't want to be here…he just wanted to go somewhere. Anywhere was better than where he was…but he didn't know where to go. There wasn't anywhere he could go._

_He couldn't go to the farm. His family was there and they would ask too many questions. He didn't want to face the looks they would give him. He didn't want to talk about why he had been so distant lately…or why he was so scared right now. He couldn't tell his parents. The mere thought of doing that just scared him even more. _

_He couldn't go home…not back to the apartment where Noah surely would find him. As much as he wanted to see those blue eyes…longed to have them trained on him he just knew he couldn't do it. How was he supposed to face Noah when he couldn't really tell him what was wrong? How did he even begin to explain that he had hurt him in so many ways?_

_He leaned his head against the steering wheel and closed his eyes tight. There really was nowhere for him to go. He didn't like feeling so…lost._

_A slight tap on the window jolted him out of his thoughts and nearly made him jump out of his skin. He really didn't want to look out the window, he was afraid of what he might see. The knocking came again and he took a deep breath trying to stay his emotions. He was trembling again and his heartbeat was rapid. Hesitantly he turned and found himself staring into the warm brown eyes of his best friend. _

"_Luke, are you okay?" Her voice was barely audible, and he realized he should roll down the window so that he could hear her. Before he could make his hands release the steering wheel she made the decision for him. She disappeared for a moment and he heard the sound of the passenger door opening._

"_Hey Maddie," he heard another voice calling to her and this time he couldn't help the tensing of his muscles. "Maddie wait up."_

"_What is it Randy," Maddie responded as she leaned against Luke's open car door. _

_Luke could hardly breathe as he listened to Maddie and Randy talk. He didn't want him there…he didn't want to be anywhere near him but did he dare tell Maddie that? What would she think if she knew? Would she be on his side or would Randy be able to convince her that he…Luke had been at fault? _

"_Luke aren't you going to say hi. You aren't being very friendly today."_

_Just the sound of his voice made Luke cringe. His hands were starting to hurt from being squeezed around the steering wheel so tight but he couldn't control it. Somehow he made himself turn to face the man who was talking to him and he opened his mouth to speak. His throat closed up at that moment and he shook his head. Involuntarily his body shifted moving closer to the door as if he could somehow find safety there._

"_Luke," Maddie said, worry clear in her voice as she watched her friend press against the car door. Those petrified eyes were focused on something just behind her and she barely kept her calm as she realized what must have frightened him."_

_He tried as hard as he could to regain control but it wasn't working. He didn't like being this afraid. He wasn't nine anymore…he wasn't locked away in darkness. Actually he was in broad daylight right now, but he was terrified of a demon he could not extinguish. "Make," he said somehow finding the strength to speak. He knew he sounded like a little boy but he had to communicate this…"make him go away…please make him go away."_

"_I have to take him home," Maddie said turning to face Randy once more. The look in Luke's eyes scared her, and that tone in his voice just chilled her to the bone. "I'll catch up with you later. Just go, Randy."_

_Randy looked at Luke once more, smiling that sugary sweet smile that made Luke want to hurl. "I'll see you later Luke."_

_Maddie watched him leave and slipped into the car beside her best friend. Luke moved his hands quickly from the steering wheel and opened his car door. The sound of vomiting met Maddie's ears. She waited for him to sit up and handed him a napkin to wipe his mouth. He leaned his head against the cool glass of the car and once again tried to steady his breathing._

"_Are you okay to drive," she asked softly. He nodded, even though he closed his eyes for a moment. "Okay, then you can drive me home. And when we get there you're going to get cleaned up, and then we're going to talk. Okay?"_

_The look in those sad eyes about broke her heart and she reached out her hand to touch his cheek. "It's going to be okay, Luke. I won't let anybody hurt you."_

The strong smell of peppermint tea met his nose as he returned to Maddie's living room. His best friend was standing by the couch and she smiled when she saw him. She held out a steaming mug of tea and he took it gratefully, trying to smile himself as he sat down. It did not go unnoticed by Maddie that the smile never reached his eyes.

"Thank you," he said, blowing on the hot liquid before taking a sip. The tea tasted good going down his throat, though he wished he had something stronger. He knew his friend wanted an explanation for how he reacted not once but twice in her presence. Her eyes were watching him and he couldn't help but feel just a little unsettled.

"Are you going to explain to me what's going on?" Her voice was soft and full of concern. She wasn't demanding things from him and he needed that right now. He needed someone to listen…to want to listen. The question was could he really tell her? "You know you can tell me anything, Luke," she said answering his unspoken question. "I'm not here to judge you…I just want to help."

"I don't think you can," Luke lamented. His hands held on to the warm mug as he lowered his head. This wasn't easy and he wasn't sure if he could do it. He did owe her an explanation, though…didn't he? Something to stop her from asking questions. But that wasn't right. He had vowed always to be honest…and yet he was lying, telling many small lies to people he cared about the most. It was a road he had traveled before and he didn't much like that he was on it again. He didn't want to hide…even if it seemed like the most ideal option.

A gentle hand touched his chin and lifted it so that he was facing warm brown eyes. "Luke, did Noah hurt you," she asked hesitantly. Somehow that didn't sound right to her but she had to ask just for her own peace of mind. She was rightly relieved when her best friend started shaking his head vigorously and placed his tea on the table so he wouldn't spill it. "So you weren't running from him earlier today?" she probed.

"I love Noah," Luke stated with such conviction that it made Maddie smile. "I'd…I'd never run from…no Noah would never hurt me, Maddie."

"Well that's good to know," Maddie said frowning as all the pieces fell into place. "Can you tell me what happened then? Why were you running away from the station? And why haven't you been there in all this time?

Luke picked up his mug and took another sip of tea. He felt that having something in his hands was helpful. It kept them from shaking. It also gave him something to focus on so he wouldn't have to watch Maddie's eyes. He didn't think he could do it if he had to see her reaction. He inhaled the aroma of the warm liquid and allowed his mind to go back to the night everything changed forever.

"I'm not even sure why I got so mad at him," he started after a long moment of silence. "It was just…we had worked so hard to make the dinner party a success. I know we weren't counting on the lights going out, but we made the best of it, you know? Everything was going good and people were having fun. And when the lights came on Noah was fighting. I…I never like it when fights break out at the family dinners," he bit his lip and took another sip of his tea.

"It never fails, no matter what someone always throws a punch at someone else and I just didn't want that in my home. And there Noah was, punching someone out for the whole world to see and it just made me angry," he sighed. "So you guys left and I asked Noah how he could do that in front of our guests. I…we argued and I just couldn't stay there…I needed to get away from him, so I went to work."

"So you were at the station that night," Maddie said keeping her voice soft as not to interrupt Luke's concentration.

"Yeah," Luke's voice sounded so far away as he got lost in the memory. "And he found me there."

"Who? Maddie asked.

"I was trying to work on a project…Noah would need it the next day for his presentation and I wanted to make sure it went well. I couldn't concentrate though…not completely. I kept thinking about Noah and what had happened, and I was so upset. I didn't understand why Noah had acted that way and in front of company too." He frowned and stared down at his tea for a moment. His whole reason for being upset with Noah seemed so silly now.

"I was putting the finishing touches on Noah's presentation when he came in. I asked him what he was doing here and he said that Katie had called him last minute to work on some things. He hadn't expected me to be there and he asked me if I was okay. I guess he noticed that I had been crying."

Luke took a long sip of tea and sat silently for a moment. Maddie was frowning. She didn't like the way this story seemed to be going…nor did she believe that Katie had called anyone to work on some things the night before Thanksgiving. Katie and Brad had been on their way back from assignment that Wednesday night. If she was calculating correctly at the time this was going on…they were in the air trying to get home for Thanksgiving. Maddie would know she had talked with Katie right before heading over to Luke's for dinner.

"I told him I was okay," Luke's voice broke into her thoughts, "and I apologized for what happened at the apartment and he said it was okay. Which it wasn't okay, it shouldn't have happened and Noah was wrong. Which in hindsight I shouldn't have said because he asked me then if we had a fight and I just…I retreated inside myself not wanting to put my business with Noah out there you know? And he came over and pulled me up into a hug which I needed at the moment."

Maddie was deep in thought as she listened to her friend. She was hanging on every word, analyzing and digesting as he spoke. He had already revealed a clue as to the identity of this "he" it was someone who had been at his home earlier. That in itself was enough to deepen her frown. She was afraid she had a pretty good idea who Luke was talking about.

"It was just a hug," Luke said defensively. "That's all, a simple hug…and that was all it was supposed to be. I didn't….I didn't ask him to try to kiss me, but he did and when I pushed him away…" His bottom lip was trembling and still he couldn't look at Maddie. He took a deep breath, took a sip of tea and tried to calm himself a bit. He had come this far…he had to finish. He had to tell the rest of the story.

"I pushed him away and asked him what he thought he was doing. He told me he was g…giving me what Noah couldn't and it was time for me to…time for me to stop playing this game. He kept saying that…that I was playing with him and it was time for it to stop. I owed him for being so patient while Noah broke my heart time and time again and he kissed me again. I didn't want him to do that."

The sudden anger in Luke's voice made her jump, and she reached out to rest a hand on her friend's arm. She hoped that she was offering some comfort to him, though she was feeling very sick to her stomach. She did not like where this was going.

"I told him this was wrong, I pushed him away and told him I loved Noah…I love Noah, but he didn't seem to care. I told him I was leaving, that I was going home to Noah, and that's when he grabbed my arm."

Maddie could feel the bile rising in her throat. She was so scared for Luke right now, and she was crying inside. Of all the things she could have thought of happening to her friend…this was not one of them. Yet all her sensors were tingling…bringing up feelings she remembered all too well.

"I told him to let go," Luke's voice cracked but he tried hard to stay in control. "I told him he was scaring me and I just wanted to go home to Noah, but he wouldn't let me leave. He…told me I wasn't going anywhere until he…he said I owed him and he wanted his payment and he was going to get it. I told him he was hurting me and he pulled me to him and k…kissed me again but I never kissed back, I swear I didn't. I tried to fight him off but he's bigger…like Noah and he was stronger and he just…he just…I wanted him to stop Maddie. I just wanted him to stop and he wouldn't stop."

At some point the mug had slipped from his hands and clattered to the ground. There was sticky liquid and ceramic tile everywhere but Maddie wasn't focused on that. She scooted over and pulled the sobbing man into her arms and held him tightly. Her fingers began to run through his hair as she tried to soothe him. He just kept saying it over and over…that he wanted him to stop. There was a knot of dread in her heart and she hated to ask this next question…but she had to know who had done this. She needed to see if her suspicions were right.

"Who did this to you Luke? Who is he?"

Luke took a deep breath and shook his head against Maddie's shoulder. He wasn't sure if he could voice it even now. He knew the sight of the man made his skin crawl, and just hearing his voice made him want to hurl. He didn't want to think about saying the name…just thinking about it made him want to cry. "It was…" he started his eyes closed as he tried to will himself to speak it. "He….he…" No matter how hard he tried the words wouldn't come out. He felt so stupid…so naïve all of a sudden. This had been someone he trusted, someone he thought was a friend of his. He was such an idiot and he probably deserved every minute of the torture; every moment that those hands were touching him and ripping at his clothes. He had betrayed Noah in the worst way possible…how could he actually make it worse by uttering the other man's name?

"Luke, who did this?" Maddie's voice broke through the fog. "Who…who raped you?"

If the full body shudder wasn't enough to break her heart, the fact that he seemed to inch closer to her would have done the trick. He was weeping now and her mind was reeling. He had reacted this way just earlier and she was trying to recall just what had happened. Her mind flashed back to when she was going to get into Luke's car. She had scared him when she tapped on the window, and then when she was standing by the door…his entire body had tensed up. Just like when he heard Noah's name…that made sense now if…

She pulled her phone from her pocket and dialed a familiar number. When the call was picked up she spoke quietly so only the caller could hear.

"It's me…yeah I'm with him now. I just have one question for you. Were you with Randy earlier? Before Luke ran off? I'll explain later," she said hanging up the phone. She was in shock. The tensing up wasn't because Noah did anything to Luke…it was because Luke didn't know how to explain that he was afraid of…

"Randy?" she asked her attention back on Luke as all the pieces fell into place. That was the only common denominator. Randy was involved both times Luke tensed up…Randy worked at WOAK where Luke never came anymore. Luke had thrown up right after seeing the man…Maddie's mind was completely blown.

"It's all my fault," he croaked through his tears. And Noah's going to hate me because I ch-cheated on him."

"You did not cheat on Noah," Maddie said, her tone soft and firm as she spoke to her best friend. It was important that he hard what she had to say here. Even if he didn't believe her, he needed to hear it. "None of this is your fault Luke. You didn't ask for this…he raped you. That's not cheating its…an awful violation and Noah wouldn't hate you for that."

Rape…that word sent shivers up his spine and he clung to Maddie tightly needing the comfort she was willing to give. He had never thought to give what happened to him a name. He was so ashamed of it, and he knew that it was partly his fault for being so stupid. There was no way Noah was going to forgive him for that. If he even mentioned it to him…he would lose him forever.

"You think I should tell him…don't you?" he said after a long moment of silence? "You want me to tell Noah that I completely destroyed his trust by allowing another man to touch me? You can't be serious Maddie…I couldn't stand it if he hated me…I can't stand the thought of him looking at me differently and deciding that he doesn't love me anymore."

"You didn't allow anything to happen, Luke," Maddie said keeping her voice soft for her best friend. "Nothing about this is your fault; that is what you need to understand. YOU did not do anything wrong. You were the victim here…and Noah needs to know what happened to you so he can be there for you. He can't help you unless you let him in."

"I don't know how to do that," he admitted sadly. "I don't know how to tell him…it was just so horrible Maddie. I just felt so powerless…and Noah thinks that I am strong. How do I destroy that image?"

"You are one of the strongest people I know, Luke Snyder, and Noah loves you with all of his heart. He believes in you and he trusts you. I have no doubt in my mind that he would stand by you and help you through this. I mean he promised to stand by you for better or worse and we both know that Noah doesn't go back on his word."

It was only when she felt Luke stiffen that she realized she had said something wrong. Her friend pulled back to look at her, a shocked expression on his face. "He told you?"

"Yes he told me," Maddie admitted. "And his face just lit up Luke, when he was talking about it. He loves you so much and he takes those vows very seriously.

Luke bit his lip thinking about what she was saying. He knew Noah took their vows seriously…they had both been very sincere and serious that day. Noah wasn't the one who had ruined it though. That was all him. "We also promised to be faithful only to each other for as long as we both shall live," he said sadly. "I broke that vow."

"No…you didn't." Maddie's hand touched her friend's cheek and she made sure he didn't turn away from him. "The simple fact that you are terrified of how Noah will react, proves that you didn't want this to happen. You did not ask for those advances or those kisses. You didn't want Randy to touch you and that is the point, Luke. He is in the wrong, not you. If you and Noah are going to do this…if you are going to love each other through the good times and the bad ones then you have to tell him the truth. Let him be there for you like you've been there for him. Don't make his decision for him."

"And if you're wrong?" Luke asked the fear clear in his voice. Maddie was relieved that she was getting through to him. She believed with all her heart that all Luke needed to do was confide in Noah and he would make it right.

"If I'm wrong…I'll kick Noah's ass for you." She smiled and she could have sworn that a smile crossed her friend's face for the briefest of moments. "He loves you Luke," she said turning serious again. "Give him a chance to show you how much."


	16. Chapter 16

_Noah wasn't sure how much more of this he could take. He hated seeing Luke suffer. He hated to see him drink himself to sleep every night. Noah didn't like sleeping in their bed alone and he wished he could tell Luke that. Even if they didn't touch…he still wanted him there next to him. More than anything he just wished his husband would talk to him. He didn't care what the issue was, he just wanted them to talk about it…deal with it and get back to loving each other. He missed him so much._

_It was Saturday, a whole five days since Luke had run away from him at the station. He was really starting to wonder if maybe he was the problem. Luke didn't seem to like being around him anymore. He couldn't count the number of times he wished to go back in time and change what had happened the night before Thanksgiving. Their argument would have gone differently, and he wouldn't have made those accusations. _

_Noah sighed. He just didn't know what to think anymore. He wanted to trust Luke, wanted to believe in him but how could he when he didn't understand exactly what was going on? There were just too many questions and not enough answers to satisfy him. He didn't understand why Luke was drinking again. And what did that have to do with the fact that he was so distant and didn't even want to be touched? And the even bigger question…how did he go about fixing it?"_

_The ringing phone interrupted his thoughts and he rushed to pick it up. "Luke?" he asked hopefully._

"_Okay, I guess that answers that question."_

"_Oh," Noah said disappointed. "Hi Aaron."_

"_Is something wrong Noah?" Luke's brother asked, and Noah could hear the concern in his voice. "I take it from your greeting that you haven't seen my little brother today?"_

_Noah took a seat on the couch and rested the phone on his shoulder before answering Aaron's question. "Honestly, I haven't really seen Luke in the past few days. So it's suffice to say I don't know where he is."_

"_Do you want to talk about it?"_

"_What," Noah said taken a little off guard by the question._

"_Whatever is going on between you and my brother," Aaron responded. "Come on, Noah. You know I think of you like a little brother too. Something has been wrong for the past few weeks and I think you need to tell me what it is."_

"_There's nothing wrong Aaron…I can give Luke a message that you called. I've just got a lot on my mind."_

"_Is that your way of telling me my little brother's not drinking again?" _

_Aaron's voice was so quiet that Noah wasn't certain he had heard him correctly. He thought he had done a good job of hiding that from people. "How…did you…what?" he asked trying to sort things in his mind._

"_So he is drinking again," Aaron said, and Noah could tell he was frowning. "What happened Noah? When did this start and how?"_

_Noah sighed, resigned to the fact that he couldn't hide this from Aaron. "I…I don't know to be honest with you Aaron. It started around Thanksgiving."_

"_You mean after you had your little fight?" Aaron asked_

"_He told you about that?"" Noah asked sadly. "At least he's apparently talking to you. I haven't really had a decent conversation with him since Thanksgiving morning…and that afternoon I came home to find him passed out on the couch."_

"_No he hasn't been talking to me, Noah. But when I talked to him that night he seemed pretty upset. He said he was on his way to work."_

"_Noah switched the phone to his other ear and stood to pace again. "I don't know if Luke really went to work that night. I think he may have been with Randy."_

"_What makes you think that," Aaron asked curiously._

"_Well that's what we were fighting about when he left. He didn't like that I hit Randy so he probably went off to tell him that."_

"_Okay, I don't like the bitterness in your tone, Noah," Aaron said seriously. "And I think you have to give my little brother more credit than that. And besides he wasn't mad at you for hitting that guy."_

"_How do you know that?" Noah asked, none too pleased that Aaron was telling him he was wrong._

"_When I talked to Luke he was really upset. I called to apologize for not making it to your home that night. He was upset because you hit someone in front of company, Noah. Not because it was Randy. In fact he told me himself that Randy probably deserved it."_

"_He did?" Noah asked uncertain for the first time since the conversation had started. He had automatically assumed that Luke was upset about Randy…but if what Aaron was saying was true then that wasn't it at all. *OH boy what have I done?*_

"_Yes he did," Aaron reiterated. He was just upset that you hit him in front of your guests. Luke's sensitive you know? He doesn't like when people fight at family gatherings. He was hoping that wouldn't happen in his home. He said he needed some time, and then he was going to talk to you about it. He felt really bad for leaving you at home like that. You're not still upset about that are you?"_

"_I…I don't even know anymore Aaron. Honestly I don't know what's going on, but I gotta go. Someone's at the door and I need to figure out where Luke is."_

"_Let me know if you find him okay? I'm worried about him, especially if he's drinking again."_

"_Okay, I will," Noah said as the knocking on his door grew louder. He clicked off the phone and rushed to the door. "Hold you horses, I said I was….oh Dad what are you doing here?"_

"_Is that any way to talk to your father? I know I taught you better than that, Noah?"_

_Noah sighed. "Dad, I'm not in the mood to deal with you right now. What do you want?"_

"_I came to talk some sense into you boy," Winston said as he brushed past his son into the house. "And it looks like I came just in time. I see that roommate of yours is teaching you bad manners. Where is he anyway? Bring him out here so I can give him a piece of my mind."_

"_Luke, is not here," Noah said putting emphasis on the name so his father would get the point. He really didn't want to deal with his father right now. There was so much going on at the moment that he forgot to be intimidated by him. "And I would appreciate it if you learned his name. He's very important to me."_

_The Col sniffed dismissively. "He's very important to you? Son, the only person you should be saying that about is your wife. Which reminds me where is Madeline?"_

"_I don't know, Dad," Noah said with a heavy sigh. "Look you can't just come in here after two months and expect me to be happy to see you okay. And I don't have to answer to you. Now if you don't mind, I have to go find Luke."_

"_You will not set foot out that door until you hear me out, son. I don't know what's gotten into you today but I don't like it. That roommate of yours has soiled your mind and your manners have gone down the drain. We're going to get you out of here and enroll you in the army post haste. Then you will be far away from that filthy…"_

"_Dad!" Noah exclaimed. "I told you to stop calling Luke names._

"_I'm trying to tell you what he is son," The Colonel's voice was stern. "He's a pervert and a sinner. I saw him with my own eyes."_

_Noah closed his eyes and tried to think. He wasn't sure which part of that to focus on first and his dad was giving him a headache. "What are you talking about," he asked wearily. He really hated when his dad came at him like this. All he wanted to focus on was Luke…nothing more, nothing less._

"_Aren't you listening to me boy? I just said your roommate is a pervert."_

_Noah stood up straight and looked his dad straight in the eye, he had a fleeting thought that Luke would be proud of him if he was here. Thinking about his husband gave him the strength to do what he needed to do. "Is that so," he said crossing his arms. "Well then I have news for you dad. If Luke is a pervert, then so am I. That's right," he said as his father took a step back his mouth opened wide. "I'm gay and Luke is my lover. And if you don't mind, I have to go find him."_

"_You're not going anywhere near that boy," His father said reaching out a hand to grab him. "I don't know why you are spouting filthy lies at me and what I did to deserve them, but I will tell you one thing. I know you aren't fooling around with any man, and especially not that one. I saw him with my own eyes kissing some other pervert weeks ago."_

_Noah's bravado deflated like a balloon and he had to struggle not to react to what his father had just said. The man didn't know what he was talking about, and how was it possible he could have seen anything. He wasn't even in town…was he? Had he been in town and not even let me know about it? "What…what did you say?" he asked trying to keep his voice steady._

"_I said, your roommate was kissing someone like him the night before Thanksgiving. It's a lucky thing I followed him to that station you work at. It was disgusting, and I certainly didn't stick around for the show."_

"_And you're telling me this now?" Noah said angrily. "What were you even doing here around Thanksgiving? You told me you had important business to attend to."_

"_I decided to come and check on you. I wanted to see if I could convince you to come with me. I saw your roommate leave in a huff and I followed him. Good thing I did that. Now you know the truth."_

"_Get out," Noah said, pushing past his father to the door. He opened it and turned to glare at his father. "Get out of here now."_

"_Come on son, let's be reasonable about this."_

"_I said get out, Dad. And you leave Luke and ME alone. If you can't accept us being together then that's your problem not mine. Just get out of here."_

"_You haven't seen the last of me, son. Don't think this is over."_

"_Fine…whatever just go." He watched his father leave and slammed the door shut. His head was screaming at him, and he certainly didn't feel like going anywhere. He leaned his forehead against the door and tried to steady his breathing. A single tear rolled down his cheek, and it wasn't long before more droplets followed._

_Luke was deep in thought as he searched for his key to the apartment. He had been thinking a lot lately…since his talk with Maddie. He hadn't had a sip to drink since Wednesday and after driving around all day he finally thought he was ready to talk to Noah. He didn't know how he would take it…but Christmas was fast approaching. He really wanted his husband to have a good Christmas, his first, and with this hanging over them that wasn't going to happen. _

_He could hear the TV as he entered, and he could see Noah sitting on the couch, his face intent on the screen in front of him. _

"He was mine again," _Luke heard his own voice…his own words and he stopped and turned to stare at the screen. _"The look in his eyes, I knew it was for me, and I knew in that moment that I loved him, and I wanted him to know it too. My eyes…they pleaded with him to choose me, love me, but I was afraid. Afraid, that if I said those words I would lose him yet again…and once more I would become Invisible."

"_N…Noah," he said forcing himself to speak. He could remember faintly throwing the DVD at Noah that day, it seemed so long ago now. His heart caught in his throat when he saw those blue eyes looking back at him. He didn't know what to make of that gaze. Noah's eyes were red…had he been crying? "What…what's wrong?"_

_Noah turned back to the TV to press pause on the recorder. Luke's face froze on the screen and for a long moment he just stared at it. "I hurt you so much. Put you through so much pain, over the summer and after, and you loved me anyway."_

"_Noah…" Luke said tears springing to his eyes. He didn't allow the tears to fall, and he didn't really know what to say here. _

"_All you ever did was love me and I don't know what I did to deserve you Luke but I will be damned if I lose you to someone else."_

_The anger he heard in those words made Luke jump and he almost wished Noah wouldn't turn his head to look at him. He didn't know if he could handle anger in those blue eyes at the moment. Especially when he didn't know where it was coming from._

"_Noah what are you talking about?" he asked, his voice just above a whisper. "I don't understand. There is no one else."_

"_Why are you lying to me," Noah lashed out at him. He turned that blazing sapphire gaze on his husband, and Luke felt like he wanted to cry…or run away. He did neither as he looked and waited for Noah to say something else. _

"_You can tell me the truth, Luciano. I don't care if you kissed him. I don't care if you have been sleeping with him for the past four weeks…I just want you to be honest with me about it. And then tell me what I can do to make sure you stay away from him."_

"_Noah…you…you have to know you're the only one I…love. I'm not lying about that." Luke was getting scared, and he wondered if Noah could tell. He was trembling and any minute he was certain his legs would give out. "You're my husband, I love you."_

"_Then why won't you let me touch you?" Noah yelled. He stood from the couch and faced Luke head on. The fear in Luke's eyes cut him to the quick and he felt a stab in his heart. "You won't let me near you, Luke. It's like your body no longer belongs to me. I feel like I lost you that night….and you lied to me about him. Why did you lie to me Luciano? Why did you choose him over me? Why?"_

_Luke's brain was on overdrive. He had to be hearing this wrong…there was no way Noah could know…no way at all unless… he didn't want to finish that thought. He didn't want to think about that monster telling Noah what had happened between them. That thought made him sick to his stomach but he couldn't figure out another way for him to have known…_

"_I didn't choose him, Noah," Luke said his voice cracking as he spoke. "I only want to be with you."  
_

"_MY dad saw you kissing him Luke," Noah screamed. He moved around the couch and didn't stop until he was in front of the man he loved more than life itself. He reached out to touch him and Luke moved away from him again. "MY father, saw you kissing another man, Luciano. Do you know how that makes me feel? Do you understand how hurt I am to have to find something like that out from that man?"_

_Luke felt cold inside. Noah was angry at him and he understood why. He had every right to be. But what was worse was that the Col had seen…he wanted to die inside right at that moment. He wanted to drink, to dull the ache he was feeling. *No, you have to fight that, Snyder. You can get through this* He told himself, trying hard to control his breathing. He wished Noah wasn't glaring at him…all he wanted was his sweet loveable husband and right at this second he didn't think he'd ever have him again._

"_He kissed me, Noah." His voice was cracking, and he hoped Noah could hear him. He didn't think he could talk any louder. "I didn't want to…I wasn't there….god Noah I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean for this to happen, I really didn't,_

_Something in the tone of that voice made Noah stop and take notice. Luke looked so scared, and so sad…vulnerable. Those brown eyes were pleading with him to listen, and all he wanted to do was pull the man into his arms…except he couldn't. Luke hadn't allowed him to touch him for weeks now. "Tell me what happened, Luciano. What happened between the time you left me that night and the moment I found you passed out on the couch the next day."_

_Luke closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He swayed and felt Noah's hands on him holding him steady. He allowed Noah to lead him over to the couch and gratefully took a seat. Noah was beside him, and he was grateful for the distance he had put between them. Noah's sad eyes hurt his heart, and he knew his words would cause his love even more pain._

"_I'm sorry, that I ran out on you that night after our fight. I…I was just so mad at you for turning our argument into something it wasn't…and I just had to get away. I was hurt, Noah." He allowed his eyes to meet those blue ones briefly before turning away. He couldn't stare at him if he had to do this. He didn't want to see the disgust. _

"_I wasn't mad at you for hitting him, Noah," he continued, his voice soft to Noah's ears. "In fact, I'm pretty sure you had every right to hit him…but I hated that you did it here, while we had company. I hate when my family does that and I thought you knew…I thought-"_

_He broke off there and Noah watched him shake his head. He could tell there was a lot going on in his husband's mind and he waited for him to process what he had to say. Luke was usually very good with words…but it seemed at the moment that words had escaped him. _

"_I was working on your speech at the station," Luke said finding his train of thought. "I love that…being able to be a part of everything you do, even though no one knows it's me. And even if you hate me after this, I will still write those speeches for you."_

"_Luke…" Noah trailed off. He wasn't certain what to feel here. He was hurting, but Luke was hurting too and he didn't like it. _

"_I didn't know he was going to be there," Luke's head was down now. He was staring at his fingers, and Noah wished he could make him look at him. "He just showed up…I had just started working. I couldn't concentrate at first. I was thinking about you, Noah, and our fight. And I remember thinking that I hate fighting with you. I almost called you but I wanted to calm down first…I figured we could talk later when I got home."_

_The sound of Luke's voice was getting to Noah. He sounded almost hollow…as if there were no more emotion there. And what was worse, he seemed to be going all over the place with this story. He was going to be patient though…he didn't want to interrupt Luke too much. If he did…he'd never know what happened._

"_He showed up, and I asked him what he was doing there. He said Katie had asked him to do something, and I guess I must have been crying because he asked me what was wrong. I apologized for what happened at dinner and he…he gave me a hug. It was only supposed to be a hug. That's all it was."_

_Noah frowned. He wasn't sure where this was going, but it certainly didn't sound like what he thought had happened. "GO on, Luciano, I'm listening."_

"_He kissed me," Luke bit his lip and looked up at Noah once again. Noah's heart was beating fast, but he tried to control the rage he was feeling. He was going to listen…he had already said that no matter what he wasn't losing Luke. He was going to stick by that. _

"_He kissed me," Luke started again, "And I pushed him away and asked him what he thought he was doing. He said he wanted to give me what you couldn't…and he said….he said…" Luke was trembling again. This was harder then he thought it would be and he wanted to tell Noah the rest, he just wasn't sure he could._

_Noah was trying to process what he was hearing. It didn't sound like a confession of infidelity to him…in fact it sounded far worse. He didn't know if he wanted to hear the rest but for Luke he had to. HE needed to know what had happened. "What did he say, Luke."_

_Luke swallowed and looked down once more. There were tears in his eyes but again he didn't let them fall. "He said I owed him and it was time for me to stop playing games. He kissed me again and I told him to stop because I love you, Noah. I love you and only you and you're the only one I wanted to touch me ever and I told him that but he wouldn't stop. He wouldn't stop, and he's so much bigger than me…I tried to stop him but I just couldn't. I tried again when I heard my cell phone ring but I didn't get a chance to answer it…and he…I." _

_The most sorrowful sound Noah had ever heard left Luke's lips and it broke Noah's heart all over again. "I'm sorry, Noah. I'm so sorry. I wasn't trying to cheat on you and I didn't want to…I didn't want to, I didn't want him to touch me….but he did and I betrayed you and I'm sorry. I'm sorry."_

_Noah didn't care if it freaked Luke out, he was going to hold him. Noah pulled his husband into his embrace and held him close, as he sobbed soaking Noah's shirt front immediately. _

"_I…made it home, late that night," Luke spoke through his tears. His voice sounded muffled in Noah's shirt but he wasn't about to let him go. He ran his fingers through that blond hair he had missed and silently urged Luke to continue. "It was dark and I didn't turn on the lights. I just got a blanket, and wrapped myself in it and went to sleep on the couch. I couldn't go to the room where you were, Noah. Not after that. Not after what he did."_

_Noah felt sick to his stomach and his heart hurt. He wasn't hurting for himself anymore…that dull ache had since been replaced by the pain he felt for his lover. There was also another dull ache building in his chest that didn't have a name. It was stronger than anger, and it bordered on hatred._

"_He…he called me the next day. He said that you wanted him to check on me and I just couldn't talk to him Noah, I didn't want to hear his voice. I…I smashed my phone and then he called the house phone so I unplugged that and he left a message on the ma..machine and I just wanted him to go away, Noah I just wanted it all to go away so I drank the wine you had in the refrigerator."_

"_Shhhhhh," Noah soothed, his fingers still running through Luke's hair. "It's okay, Luciano, it's okay. It's over now…you're safe with me."_

"_It's not over," Luke sobbed. "I hurt you and you have every right to decide you want to leave me. I messed up, Noah. I'm sorry." _

_Noah pulled away from the embrace, and lifted Luke's chin so that he could look into those sad eyes. He could see the pain clearly in their depths and he wished there was something he could do to make it all go away. There was so much he needed to say to him in this moment, so much that Luke needed to hear…and he didn't want to let him down. He could deal with what he was feeling later…after Luke was okay. _

"_Why do you keep saying that?" he asked seriously. _

_Luke shook his head trying to find the words to explain himself. He didn't know why Noah was asking him that. It all made sense…at least to him. "Because that's what happened," He explained sadly. "You asked me point blank if there was anything going on between me and…him and I went and proved you right. I let another man touch me, Noah when we had vowed to be faithful only to each other, and I didn't keep that promise."_

"_You didn't do anything wrong, Luke," he kept his voice soft and controlled, hoping his eyes conveyed only the love he felt for his mate. "This is not your fault and I need you to understand that…okay? You didn't cheat on me." _

_Noah felt guilty for even accusing him of that. He couldn't help but wonder if this was his fault. If he had only kept his mouth shut…then Luke never would have left the apartment that night._

"_Luke…" he started but Luke cut him off._

"_I feel so stupid, Noah, and ashamed. I made this happen."_

"_Luke, I don't understand what you're saying.. This doesn't sound like you at all."_

"_It makes perfect sense, Noah. It doesn't matter what its called, it all amounts to the same thing. I betrayed you._

"_Okay, you stop that right now," Noah said cupping Luke's face with his hands. He could feel Luke trying to pull away but he wouldn't let him…not this time. "Listen to me Luke, okay, and stop trying to get away from me. It's me, Noah. "I'm not going to hurt you. Hear that…remember it and always know that it's true."_

_Luke's eyes were sad as he gazed up at Noah but he nodded. He was caught up in the magic radiating from Noah's sapphire gaze. It felt so nice to get lost in those eyes again. He had missed this…he needed this._

"_I love you Luke," Noah continued, his thumbs caressing Luke's cheeks, wiping away the moisture that streaked them. "I hate that you are suffering like this. I hate that you think you're no good because the truth is you're amazing, incredible and one of the sweetest people I have ever met. You have such a beautiful soul, Luke, and such a big heart."_

"_How could you say that when I hurt you?" Luke asked, his voice cracking as he spoke._

"_Nothing you have done to me could possibly hurt as much as what he did to you. If there is anyone that deserves my hatred right now, it's him, Luke, not you…never you. You are my partner, and you should know that you can tell me anything, because I'm always going to take your side. You and me…we're a package deal, and there isn't anything we can't face together…okay?"_

_Luke pulled away momentarily, and placed a hand on Noah's heart. Just that small bit of contact was comforting to him. He could feel Noah's love and he wanted to bask in it, revel in it and lose himself completely within_. He had missed small moments like these, and he wanted more than anything to feel close to Noah…at least he wanted to be held. He didn't think he was ready for more than that.

"Will you…hold me Noah? At least for a little while…just hold me?"

Without hesitation Noah pulled Luke into his lap and wrapped his arms around him. Luke's head rested against his heart, and Noah placed his chin in Luke's hair. He took a moment to inhale the familiar scent of his lover, and he felt like he wanted to cry. He was feeling so many things at the moment, but none more important than the need to protect Luke from any more harm. He didn't really know how he was going to do that, but he would… For now he would take his cues from Luke…let him take the lead. Luke had always been the strong one for him…now it was his turn and he wouldn't let Luke down.

"Do you think I'm a coward?"

The question caught Noah off guard and he looked up from the lights he was trying to unravel. He and Luke were decorating their Christmas Tree before heading over to the Snyder farm for Christmas Eve dinner. Luke absentmindedly playing with the icicles and he had a faraway look on his face.

"That is not a word I would ever associate with you, Noah said sincerely. "Why would you say something like that?"

Luke shrugged and focused on the tinsel. He just couldn't bring himself to look Noah in the eye. They had spent the weekend cuddling for the most part on the couch, and Luke had loved every minute of being that close with Noah again. He was thrilled that Noah still wanted him…still loved him…but he still felt off somehow.

"Luke," Noah said putting the lights down. He went over to his husband and took the sparkly tinsel out of his hands, encasing them in his own. "Tell me."

Luke sighed. "I know you said you forgive me for what happened…"

"There's nothing to forgive Luke," Noah interrupted him. Luke pursed his lips and Noah placed a hand on his cheek. "Go ahead."

"I know you've forgiven me, but I can't seem to forgive myself," Luke admitted. "I feel like I brought this on somehow. And that nothing I do can make it go away. And you know what I hate the most, Noah? I hate that it makes me feel weak. I hate that every time I hear his name I cringe…and you know what, I can't even bring myself to say his name, Noah. And that just makes me angry…and I hate it. I hate being such a coward."

"There is nothing cowardly about you," Noah told him with such conviction that Luke couldn't help the sad smile that crossed his lips. "What Randy did was horrible; Luke and you will stand up to him in your own time. I don't know when that will be, but I have faith in you that it will happen. And no matter what, you and I are going to do this together. We make a great team, remember?"

"I'm just scared, Noah," Luke admitted, touching Noah's forehead with his own. "I'm afraid that I lost a part of me that night…and I don't know how to get it back. I don't know if…" he bit his lip and pulled away from Noah, releasing him completely to work on the tree again.

"We'll go as slow as you need to, Luke. I just like being close to you again…I'm not expecting anymore than that. You don't have to be afraid of me."

"And you aren't upset with me?"

"I haven't really taken a chance to think about it," Noah admitted softly.

"SO when you do…you will be mad at me?" Luke questioned, a frown crossing his features. "It's okay if you are…I can take it. I want you to yell and scream and rail at me."

"No you don't."

Luke looked up and met that blue gaze head on. He gasped at the intensity of those eyes…Noah was seeing right into his soul…and he was right, Luke didn't really want that. It was just what he was expecting.

"I love you, Luke and nothing is going to change that. Not Randy, or anything else for that matter. We vowed to stand together, through the good times and the bad ones."

"And we said our love would be tested," Luke continued softly, his eyes becoming brighter as he remembered the words they spoke to each other. "But in the end we'd always come out stronger, for better or worse…"

"Through sickness and health," Noah said moving forward to take Luke's hands into his again.

"I love you Noah," Luke said, allowing his emotions to show clearly. "Thank you for waiting for me."

Noah allowed his hand to caress Luke's cheek, lightly wiping away the tears that fell freely. "We should get finished here," he said his own voice raw with emotion. "Your family will be expecting us…and we have to tell them the good news. And you don't have to thank me." He smiled. "The fact that you love me is more than thanks enough."


	17. Chapter 17

_**If Noah had to pick one word to describe Christmas Eve at the Snyders, Chaotic would be the perfect choice. Not that he was complaining any. He loved the constant activity, loved the family being together and enjoying each other's company. He couldn't remember ever having so much fun on a holiday. Christmas with his father certainly had never been remotely what he would call fun. The best part about this holiday was that he got to share it with Luke. No matter what gifts were exchanged the next day, nothing would beat the two of them reconnecting over the weekend. They weren't 100% yet but Noah was just happy that they were once again on the same page…they were a team.**_

"_**Thank you," he smiled as Luke placed a mug of hot chocolate in front of him. It was nice to see the smile that played on Luke's lips as he sat beside him, taking a sip from his own mug. "Are you having fun, Luke?"**_

"_**It's weird having such a good time when Grandma's in the hospital," Luke admitted softly. "But I'm enjoying myself, more than I thought I would considering…"**_

"_**Well even with everything that's happened, we have a lot to be thankful for," Noah reflected, taking Luke's hand into his own. Silently they watched the merriment going on around them. Natalie and Faith were trying to convince Lily and Holden that they could stay up late, and Luke's Grandma Emma was scolding Brad and Jack who were acting like big kids stealing Christmas cookies. Parker and JJ were distracted by a handheld video game, and Sage was trying valiantly to keep Ethan from crawling under the Christmas tree. Though, Luke and Noah guessed that her true intent was to get a sneak peek at her own gifts. Aaron, who had disappeared earlier returned as St. Nick bearing presents for everyone. Noah was pleasantly surprised that there was even a gift for him.**_

"_**I really love your family," Noah whispered to Luke as they slipped upstairs to Luke's old room. "They are so nice to me."**_

_**Luke smiled. "You're a part of the family now," he said squeezing Noah's hand. "It's your family too, and they love you."**_

"_**Not as much as you do, I hope."**_

"_**Never," Luke chuckled. "You're really happy?" he asked letting go of Noah's hand once they entered the room. He took a seat on the bed and looked up at Noah expectantly waiting for an answer.**_

"_**I've never been happier, Luke," Noah said sitting beside him. "I wish we could have told everyone our good news tonight…but then again I don't mind keeping it just between us for a little while longer."**_

"_**Yeah…with Mom having an emergency at the Lakeview and Dad trying to keep Jack and Brad from killing each other," he shook his head. "My family can be really crazy…have I ever apologized for that?" **_

"_**At least it's obvious how you all feel about each other," Noah commented wistfully. "There's just so much love and affection…it's addictive."**_

"_**It is nice," Luke admitted. "But sometimes it can be overwhelming with so many people around. I like our apartment…there's less chaos there."**_

"_**Ready for bed?" Noah asked, a smile crossing his features at Luke's word choice.**_

_**Luke nodded and they prepared for bed silently. Luke claimed the right side of the bed, and Noah stayed on the left, giving Luke as much space as he could on the narrow mattress. "Do you think I should tell my family?" Luke asked a bit later as they lay in the dark.**_

"_**That's totally up to you, Luke," Noah replied. "You certainly don't have to…and you don't have to think about it right now."**_

"_**I wouldn't know what to say," Luke admitted.**_

"_**You'll tell them what you need to when you're ready. And even if you don't it doesn't make you a bad person. They are going to love you no matter what, Luke. Just like I do."**_

"_**Noah?"**_

_**Without a word, Noah scooted over and pulled Luke into his embrace. Luke snuggled into the warmth and Noah buried his face in Luke's hair. "I love you," he said as Luke drifted off to sleep. Luke's rhythmic breathing lulled him to sleep soon after…it was the perfect ending to a perfect night.**_

_**Christmas morning was hectic, but Noah enjoyed every moment of it. There was a whirlwind of wrapping paper and ribbons, mingling with laughter and squealing as everyone exchanged gifts and peeked into Christmas stockings. Noah couldn't remember ever having this much fun, and it was nice to hear Luke laugh. He had missed that sound, and hoped it was a sign that Luke would soon be able to get past the events of the last month. The mere fact that he was able to feel comfortable with his family was encouraging. **_

_**Noah knew that Lily and Holden were glad that Luke no longer seemed distant. They still didn't know all that had happened around Thanksgiving, but that was probably for the best. They figured his behavior was a direct result of the kidney infection…and that actually wasn't too far off from the truth. **_

"_**Luke, you put that on upside down," Natalie exclaimed as she snatched the hat from her brother to turn it the right way. Noah stopped fiddling with the camera he had received and watched the little girl explain exactly how the hat was supposed to go on One's had. Luke listened carefully to the instructions and even Noah had to chuckle when he purposely put it on wrong again.**_

"_**I'm sorry Nat, I'm bad at following instructions today," he explained. "Can you show me one more time?"**_

_**Watching Luke interact with his sister was nice. He was such a natural with all his siblings, and it was obvious that they had missed him too over the past few weeks. This really was shaping up to be the best Christmas. **_

"_**Noah, Luke finally did it right," Natalie squealed excitedly. Noah smiled as Luke turned to face him and their eyes locked for a moment. **_

"_**I've missed your smile," Noah admitted softly. "And I have to take a picture of you in the hat…its priceless.**_

_**Natalie insisted on getting in the picture too. And then she insisted that Noah get in the picture too. She wanted a picture with both of her brothers and Noah smiled. He could still remember asking Natalie what she wanted for her birthday. She had replied that she wanted another big brother, and he had told her he always wanted a little sister. More photos were snapped, and Luke's merriment seemed to be contagious. It wasn't long before everyone was laughing as if responding to a joke that would only be funny to those who were there.**_

_**Luke was playing with Ethan when he heard the telephone ring. His mom answered it, and he turned his attention back to his little brother. He was trying to teach him how to pick out the colored lights on the game he received for Christmas. Each color corresponded with a different sound, and Ethan seemed to be enjoying it.**_

"_**Merry Christmas to you too, Randy," his mom's voice reached his ears and his head snapped up, looking around until he caught sight of her on the phone. "That was very sweet of you to think of us Randy…and to ask about Luke. He has been a little under the weather…I'm sure he'd be happy to see you…"**_

_**Luke moved, telling Ethan to practice until he got back. He scanned the room, trying not to appear too frazzled though he could still hear his mom on the phone. Noah wasn't there, and he faintly recalled that he had said he would help with the dishes. **_

"_**Are you okay, Luke," Noah's hands on his shoulders made him jump before he could relax. He looked back towards where his mom was still talking, and pushed Noah back towards the kitchen. "Luke, what's wrong?"**_

"_**I don't know…I don't know why I'm so freaked," Luke whispered. "I know I shouldn't be, Noah because it makes logical sense but…I just…"**_

_**Noah placed a finger on his lips to shush him before pulling him outside. They retreated to the warmth of the truck, and Luke relaxed his back against the seat and tried to steady his beating heart.**_

_**Noah leaned back and turned to face him. "Feel better?"**_

_**Luke was silent for a moment before looking at Noah. Their eyes locked instantly and he felt safe and secure.. He nodded in answer to Noah's' question, not sure what else he could say.**_

"_**So what makes logical sense?" Noah quizzed. **_

""_**he called the house," Luke said with a sigh. "And that alone shouldn't have fazed me, but then he asked Mom about me and I just…do you think I overreacted?"**_

_**Noah didn't have to think about who "He" was referring to. He moved to place a hand on Luke's shoulder but then thought better of it. If Luke was freaking about this phone call then now was not the time to touch him. "I don't think you're over reacting, Luke, but you know you don't have to be frightened with me here."**_

"_**I know," Luke said turning his head away. He looked out the window toward the house. "I just don't' want him here. I feel very uneasy about the fact that he knows where my family lives, and that he can ask my mom about me. I just want him to go away."**_

"_**Your mom would fire him in a heartbeat, Luke…you just have to tell her."**_

"_**I can't tell her something like that on Christmas," Luke said facing Noah again. **_

"_**You're right," Noah said gently. "It is Christmas and you shouldn't let Randy ruin that for you. Do you want to go back inside with your family?"**_

"_**I just want to go home," Luke said after a moment's pause. I want to share Christmas with you and close out the rest of the world for awhile."**_

"_**Okay," Noah conceded. "Stay here, I'll be right back."**_

"_**Is everything alright, Noah?" Holden asked when Noah walked in. **_

"_**Yeah," Noah said smiling. "Everything's fine, Luke and I are going to head on home though….to watch Its A Wonderful Life."**_

"_**And Luke is okay?" Holden asked skeptically. **_

_**Noah sighed. He knew he couldn't pull a fast one on Holden, especially not when it came to Luke. "Luke is feeling a little overwhelmed at the moment, but it's nothing to worry about. He's just…"**_

"_**It's alright, Noah," Holden said, saving Noah from having to explain. "Just take him home and take care of him. I know he's going through something and he won't tell me what. But I trust you with him."**_

"_**I don't think you could ever know how much that means to me, Holden," Noah said gratefully. "I love your son, so much."**_

_**Holden placed a hand on Noah's shoulder and pulled him into a hug. Noah was momentarily startled by the move, but he recovered quickly and wrapped his arms around Luke's dad. That hug ranked right up there with having Luke back in his life. It truly was a great Christmas.**_

"_**What are you smiling about?" Luke asked as Noah climbed into the truck. **_

"_**Your dad," Noah replied, his smile widening as he started up the engine. "He's just…the best dad."**_

_**Luke managed a laugh and it was music to Noah's ears. "He is pretty cool, and he cares about you Noah."**_

_**Noah focused on backing out of the driveway, and only looked at Luke when they were safely on the read to home. "After today, I think I'm finally starting to realize that."**_

"_**It's nice…isn't it?" Luke mused, the fondness clear in his voice. **_

"_**Yeah…it really is."**_

_**They rode the rest of the way home in silence. Both of them lost in their own thoughts, which was probably for the best. Noah couldn't help glancing over at Luke every now and again as they headed back into town. His husband was looking out the window, and checking behind him as if he expected something or someone to appear.**_

"_**Luke, relax," Noah said as they pulled into the apartment complex. "We're going to go inside, we're going to watch our movie and then open gifts. It's just us…no one is following okay?"**_

"_**I'm sorry," Luke sighed, his hand on the door ready to open it once Noah parked. "I don't mean to put a damper on your day, Noah…"**_

"_**I wouldn't hesitate to say that this is the best day of my life Luke, and that's because I'm sharing it with you."**_

"_**And to think I thought the happiest day of your life was the day you married me," Luke commented, a smile playing on his lips for the first time since they left the farm.**_

"_**I think it's a tie," Noah said holding his hand out for Luke to take if he wanted it. Ever so slowly Luke's hand reached out for Noah's. Their fingers touched lightly before he allowed Noah to wrap their fingers together snugly. Without another word they headed inside the building, and unbeknownst to them, snowflakes started floating to the ground. **_

__**"Look Daddy. Teacher says every time a bell rings, an angel gets his wings.****  
****"That's right, That's right, George Bailey hugged his daughter and looked up towards the sky. Attaboy, Clarence."****  
**_  
__**"That never gets old," Luke said wistfully as the movie faded away. "I can watch it over and over and still feel like I'm watching it for the first time."**__****_

_**"That's funny coming from you," Noah said with a laugh. "You can't stand watching old movies."**__****_

_**"That's not true," Luke protested. He laughed when Noah gave him that "yeah right" look. Okay so I'm not a classic movie buff like you, but I have come to appreciate your taste for black and white films. I love Casablanca, and I can admit that Claude Rains is a brilliant actor just like you and Maddie seem to think. But seriously, Noah I love It's a Wonderful Life…we should watch it every year. It is single handedly the best Christmas movie of all time.**__****_

_**Noah laughed. "I love you," he said shaking his head. "I hope you know that"**_

"_**I know," Luke said his voice soft as he ducked his head. Noah had forgotten how much he missed Luke's shyness. Luke stood at that moment and it was right on the tip of Noah's tongue to ask him where he was going when he disappeared into the bedroom. He returned moments later carrying a wide thin package which he handed to Noah.**_

"_**I love you too…dork. Merry Christmas."**_

_**Noah took the package, his eyes not leaving those of his husband. Luke was sitting across from him, waiting for him to un-wrap the gift. Noah was careful not to rip the wrapping paper as he pulled it away from the box. He wanted to keep every part of this, his gift from Luke on t heir first Christmas. "He didn't care how crazy that seemed; to him it was a treasure.**_

" _**You made this?" Noah was awed as his fingers touched the wood of the frame. He looked up at Luke for a moment, and was delighted to see a smile on his lips. "Just the frame itself is beautiful Luke," he said looking back down to take a look at the picture. He remembered the scene instantly. He could recall every moment of this day, as he tried to set everyone up for the photo; Luke made the split second decision to include him. The timer was set, and Noah could still feel the warmth of Luke's hand as he pulled him behind the couch where they stood beside Holden. Luke was between them, and Noah couldn't help but marvel at how perfect the shot was; Luke standing between the two men who loved him most. That just seemed fitting somehow.**_

"_**Read the inscription," Luke's voice met his ears and he looked up once more. He didn't think he could have been more proud of this gift…and it was engraved too?**_

_**He looked down at the smooth frame, feeling it with his fingers until he found the engraved words. "Home is where the heart is," he read, tears springing to his eyes as he smiled, "And my heart belongs to you. Welcome home." His eyes were shining as he looked up to face his husband.**_

"_**Same here," he said holding his hand out for Luke to take if he so pleased. This time Luke welcomed the small connection and he moved closer to Noah so they both could admire the picture.**_

"_**Another surprise," Luke laughed as Noah lifted himself off the floor. "Noah I swear you are spoiling me."**_

"_**You're my husband, its' my right," Noah retorted letting their hands touch briefly. "This is a special surprise though…I have been waiting a long time to give it to you. I just have to go get it. Just wait for me, okay?"**_

_**Luke nodded, a secret smile crossing his lips as Noah left the room. He had a surprise for Noah too…he just hoped it would be enough for now.**_

_**Noah wasted no time going to where he had hidden Luke's gift. He begain to shift through things, knowing that he had buried it deep under some oversized sweatshirts he couldn't bear to toss out. The mound of shirts seemed much larger than he remembered it being, and it seemed to be taking forever for him to find his package. He heard the rustle of plastic as his hand touched a bag that was near the bottom of the clothes. **_

_**Curiously he pulled the bag out and wrinkled his face as a pungent smell reached his nose. He moved out of the closet and opened the bag to see what was inside. AT first there didn't seem to be anything but torn pieces of fabric. It was a mixture of red and blue denim and it made Noah frown. He just couldn't understand why there would be smelly fabric in the back of their closet. He pulled the fabric out of the bag, and immediately wished he hadn't.**_

_**His heart clenched and his stomach turned as he realized what he held in his hands. It wasn't just random scraps of fabric…it was the remnants of clothes. The plastic bag fell to the floor as he held the items in his hand and allowed his head to process just what those items meant.**_

_**He remembered that shirt, the red one Luke favored, it was tattered beyond repair, and it smelled of sweat and grime. Luke had been wearing it that night….and now here it was a blaring reminder of what he had suffered. The button was gone off the jeans, and the zipper was broken. Noah was horrified…these had been his favorite pair, the ones he loved to see Luke in. They showed off Luke's physique quite nicely. Noah was shaking as he held the items in his hands. He brought the clothes to his nose and closed his eyes. Luke's smell was there…mingled in with the sweat and the disgusting taint. **_

_**Up until this point, what happened to Luke had seemed almost like a story. He knew the tale, had heard it from his lover's own lips but it was something he could put aside…like a book that was no longer appealing. But now he couldn't do that. His heart hurt as the image of Luke trying to break away from Randy's grasp flashed in his mind. He could hear the rips and the protests…he could feel the fear and it made him want to cry.**_

_**He held the clothes tightly, and allowed a tear to trickle down his cheek. More tears followed as the full impact of what happened last month hit him full force. He felt responsible…and he marveled that his husband didn't' blame him for this. He should have tried harder to talk to Luke that night. He knew that now. He shouldn't have accused him of being unfaithful…he should have tried to explain. He should have told Luke exactly what Randy had said…the reason he had hit him in the first place.**_

_**He cried for the pain Luke must have felt along with the shame and the betrayal. That was what angered Noah even more than anything. For what it was worth, Luke had trusted this guy…and he had completely and totally violated that. There was no excuse for it, nothing that could make that even remotely right. What Randy had done was wrong, and Noah was not going to let him get away with it. He took a deep breath and wiped away his tears knowing that Luke would come looking for him soon. He stuffed the clothes back in the bag and tied it tightly before placing it in a small duffel bag which he hung on his shoulder. **_

"_**Where are you going?" Luke asked as Noah reentered the living room. "And what took you so long?"**_

"_**I'm sorry Luke," Noah said with a sigh. He frowned and came as close to his husband as he dared without making him uncomfortable. "I left your present at the station and I have to go get it."**_

"_**Is it something you really want me to have today?" Luke asked frowning. "It's snowing outside Noah…I can wait…"**_

"_**No," Noah insisted. "I want you to have it tonight. Please just trust me. I'll be back soon, and I'll be careful okay?"**_

_**Luke was silent for a moment and Noah was almost afraid that he would object again. He just wanted to get those clothes away from the apartment as fast as he could. Luke didn't need any more reminders of what he had faced…the emotional scars were more than enough. **_

_**Luke slipped into Noah's arms for a moment, completely taking Noah by surprise. He recovered quickly enough and wrapped his arms around his husband. It felt good to do that…it had been too long. Luke stood on his tiptoes and kissed Noah lightly on the lips. It was a small kiss, but for Noah it was a very big deal. They hadn't been that close since the blackout.**_

"_**Just be careful okay," Luke said pulling out of the embrace. **_

"_**You won't even know I was gone," Noah said taking Luke's hand. He brought Luke's fingers to his lips for a moment before looking into Luke's eyes. "That was probably the best gift you could have given me. "I love you…I'll be home soon."**_

_**The snow was coming down pretty heavily when he pulled out of the driveway. He knew Luke was concerned about him, so he made sure he was driving slowly, and he had his seatbelt on. It occurred to him as he rode along that he didn't really have a destination. He headed in the general direction of the Station, but he had no reason to go there. His intent had been to get rid of the clothes but that wasn't logical.**_

_**If Luke ever decided to tell the truth, there would need to be proof. If Luke wanted to press charges…then there had to be evidence…there was no way that Bastard Randy was going to turn this one around on Luke. Noah would not allow that…not at all.**_

_**The snow was falling steadily and Noah was finding it hard to see the road ahead of him. He was going as slow as he dared, not wanting to slip and slide on the wet streets. He was upset with himself for allowing this to happen. Luke never would have been in danger if it weren't for him. Somehow someway…Noah could have protected him…even with what Randy had said. Noah would have made sure nothing happened to Luke.**_

_**But he wasn't responsible for Randy's actions anymore than Luke was. Randy was the only one to blame and Noah wanted nothing more than to snap the interns' neck in two. His fingers were wrapped tightly around the steering wheel, and he knew he needed to calm himself down. His anger at Randy was distracting him, and he needed to concentrate on the roads. He was going relatively slowly but the weather was getting progressively worse. He just wanted to go back home. He wanted to take his husband into his arms and hold him there for as long as Luke would allow. That was a calming thought…just what he needed to forget about Randy.**_

_**He didn't see the SUV coming toward him until the last possible second. The car was moving too quickly and Noah swerved in an attempt to avoid a collision. The sound of splintering glass and crushing metal sounded loud in his ears as he felt himself being forced out of the truck. He hit the ground on his stomach, his face hitting the cold ground with such forth it was a wonder he was still coherent. A pain like he'd never experienced shot through his body, and he could taste the copper on his teeth. **_

_**He couldn't' move, and he tried hard to stay coherent. He heard footsteps in the snow, and felt a hand touch his shoulder, turning him on his back. His eyes tried to focus, but he was finding it hard to see. He saw Blond hair and he squinted. He was slipping away fast, but he opened his mouth determined to speak…to call out to the blond.**_

"_**Luke…"**_

_**Everything went black.**_


	18. Chapter 18

Luke was seriously starting to worry. Noah should have been back by now. It didn't take that long to go to the station and back. Even with the snow he was past due home. Luke didn't like how Noah's absence made him feel. There was a knot forming in his chest and it grew tighter and tighter with every hour Noah stayed gone.

He wished Noah hadn't insisted on going out in this weather. He wished he had been more adamant about him not leaving. Not that that particular tactic would have worked. Luke knew all too well how stubborn his husband could be when he got an idea in his head. They were both like that…Luke loved that stubbornness.

He couldn't help the thoughts that were running through his head though as he watched the door, listening closely for the distinctive sound of the key turning in the lock. What if Noah wasn't coming back? What if the line about having to go to the station was just an excuse to get out of the house away from him? He did have a duffel bag with him after all. Why would he have had a bag if he was just going to pick up a present? And why did he protest so hard when it was suggested he stay home?

Luke closed his eyes tight and tried to breathe. Now was not the time for a panic attack. It certainly wasn't the time to lose faith in Noah…but he couldn't help it. His fear seemed to grow with every passing hour. At least thinking that Noah just left him was better than thinking his husband was hurt. He didn't think he would be able to deal with that…he couldn't deal with something bad happening to Noah.

"_I'll be home soon,"_ Noah had said before he walked out the door. Luke could still hear those words, still hear Noah's voice saying them and it only made his heart ache more. He just wanted Noah back.

Luke jumped when he heard the phone rang. Everything made him jumpy, and the phone sounded particularly loud at the moment. His heart was beating fast as he reached for it, the knot in his chest twisting even tighter. The last time he had received a phone call out of the blue he found out his grandmother was in the hospital. He certainly wasn't looking forward to taking this call.

"Noah?" he asked hoping against hope that his husband had found a way to contact him.

"Luke," He heard the voice of Aaron's girlfriend and his heart sank even deeper. "It's Ali."

He could tell by the sound of her voice that this wasn't a social call. She was whispering, and it sounded like she was outside…no it definitely wasn't good news. "I don't have a lot of time," Alison's voice pulled him in like the reluctant fish caught on a fisher's hook. "I just thought you should know that Noah was brought in twenty minutes ago…and he's in surgery…"

He didn't hear anything else she said after that. His mind was numb as he thanked her. He was sure he had promised her that he wouldn't say anything. He didn't want her to get into trouble…but he needed to get to the hospital. Surgery? They were going to cut his Noah open…something had happened to Noah…something bad…he had to get to the hospital.

He was shaking like a leaf as he pulled out of the driveway. The snow had tapered off a bit and Luke was grateful for that. He needed to get to the hospital…he needed to get there safely. He couldn't wait for someone to come get him….Noah needed him. Noah would be so scared….No he couldn't think about that now. He couldn't focus on anything but guiding himself through this weather…if only he could stop being so scared.

He tried calling his dad as he drove. The call went straight to voicemail. "Dad…He said as he sat at a red light. "Please when you get this message…I need you."

He hung up and tried calling his mom's cell but had no luck getting in touch with her either. He was nearing the hospital when he got his brother's voice mail. He was getting frustrated. Where was everyone? "Aaron….I don't know what to do. I just….I don't know what to do. I can't find Dad, and I can't find Mom and I just need someone to come here please."

He found a place to park and practically ran into the emergency room entrance. The snow was falling again, and fresh flakes flecked his hair but he paid it no mind as he headed straight for the information desk. He placed his hands on the counter trying to catch his breath. The nurse behind the counter looked at him oddly and didn't seem too happy to see him.

"I received a phone call that my Boyfriend Noah Mayer was brought in here. Could you please direct me to him?"

"What's your name?" the nurse asked, focusing on her computer screen.

"Luke Snyder."

"And your relationship to the patient?"

He's my boyfriend?" Luke said trying not to scream. He had already told her that once. He was watching her closely as she typed on that keyboard and he wished she would turn around and look at him.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Snyder I can't divulge that information to you."

"WHAT?" Luke exclaimed indignantly.

"I said I can't divulge any information about the patient. "That information is for family members only."

"But I am his family," Luke cried. He knew he was getting loud but right now he didn't care. He needed to see Noah. I'm listed as his emergency contact. I'm the one he lives with; I'm the one who gives a damn about his well being. I NEED TO SEE HIM."

"I already told you Mr. Snyder that I can't give you that information. Hospital regulations state that only family members can request information about patients. I suggest you contact Col Winston Mayer for an update on Noah's condition."

Luke placed his hands flat on the counter and glared at the nurse. "I don't think you know who you're dealing with," he said coolly before turning on his heel. He was freaking inside. This just could not be happening. The Col was here? If that was the case then he would never get to see Noah. The Col would make sure of that.

"Darling, what's the matter?" Lucinda asked when she saw her grandson's long face. "You shouldn't be so sad…what with it being Christmas night! Why aren't you home, celebrating with Noah!"

"Something happened Grandma," Luke said sadly coming to sit by her side. "I can't spend this evening with Noah because he's here in the hospital."

"What?" Lucinda looked genuinely concerned. "Whatever happened darling? Is he alright? Couldn't you go to his room? Surely it's not serious…maybe just food poisoning?"

Luke shook his head. "I don't know what's wrong," he said his voice laced with anger. "No one will tell me what's going on. I just know he's here and I can't get to him. I don't know what to do, they won't let me see him."

"Well now," Lucinda said her hand rubbing her chin, "that just will not do. It just will not. You are Noah's boyfriend; of course you have every right to know what's going on with him. You don't know anything at all? Why was he away from you?"

"He said he had another surprise for me but he left it at the station," Luke said with a sigh. "Grandmother, please I want to know what happened to Noah."

"You will not do your young man any good if you get sick yourself," Lucinda reprimanded. "Now stay strong, for him and for yourself. There you go, I will help of course. I am after all on the board at this hospital…you know they can't say no to me…though they will try."

"Thanks Grandma," Luke said trying his best to smile.

"Anything for my darling grandson," Lucinda replied even as she reached for the button beside her bed. Luke stood back and watched his grandmother work her magic. She never ceased to amaze him with how easy she commanded attention and expected things to be done her way.

"Just find out what you can about Noah Mayer's condition and report back to me. Don't give me that look. Do you want another patient admitted tonight on Christmas? If my Grandson ends up in the hospital again because he's worried about his boyfriend there will be hell to pay. I may be a sick old woman right now, but you do not want to cross me. I am anything but weak!"

With his grandmother in his corner Luke felt a little better. He was still scared because he didn't know what was wrong, but he was confident that he would find out something soon. While he waited he tried calling his family again. He wondered if maybe the snowstorm was interfering with the cell towers or something…it didn't make any sense that he couldn't reach any of them.

He was more than a little relieved when he heard Maddie answer her cell phone. He knew that James had planned something special for them that night, and he hated to ruin it.

"Oh thank god," he said letting out the breath he had been holding. "Thank god someone answers there phone!"

"What's wrong Luke," Maddie said frowning on her end. She looked at James, her frown deepening, to let him know something was up."

"It's Noah," Luke said trying to keep his voice from cracking. "He's in the hospital…god Maddie, Noah's hurt and I don't know how badly and I just don't want to be here alone."

"You're at the hospital?" Maddie said, her eyes focused on James. "And Noah's hurt? Luke what happened?"

"I don't know," Luke exclaimed. Wait…hold on." Luke spotted the doctor going into his grandmother's room and he followed him, hoping this was the moment he could finally learn what was up with Noah.

"…Mayer has been in surgery for the past hour or so…he is suffering from multiple injuries and he lost a lot of blood. I'm afraid that was all I was able to find out though, Mrs. Walsh. "He's not out of the dark yet, but they are thinking he will pull through. The rest will be up to him."

"How did he get hurt?" Luke asked, startling the doctor who hadn't seen him standing there. "Did they say what happened?"

"It was a car crash. He was thrown from the vehicle, and he hit the ground pretty hard. But I am sorry that really is all I can tell you."

"Thank you for that, Jensen," Lucinda said gratefully. "You have been a big help, now go…tend to your other patients. There are lives to be saved. No dawdling."

Luke wasn't surprised to see the doctor smile. Intimidating or no, once Lucinda Walsh charmed you, you were under her spell for a very long time. He followed the doctor out of the room and asked him a few more questions before he really did have to go back on his rounds. Finally Luke put his cell phone back to his ear just in time to hear Maddie scream his name.

"Sorry about that, Mads…the doctor came to see Grandma and…Noah was in a car accident. The doctor says he's still in surgery…"

"James and I are on our way," Maddie said before hanging out with Luke. Just as he closed his phone it rang again and he was relieved to see his Dad's number appear on the caller id.

"Dad…what do you mean you're stuck…but…I'm at the hospital…Noah…" he trailed off for a moment as he listened to his father's voice. Sometimes just listening helped calm him down…tonight it helped a little but he was still on edge. "I'll try to hold on, Dad. I'll be okay until you get here…I love you too."

He hung up the phone and leaned his head back against the wall for a moment. He needed to be strong…Noah needed him to be. He didn't want to get sick; he couldn't help anyone that way. Now his grandmother wasn't the only one counting on him. His dad and Noah were counting on him too. A single tear slid down his cheek as he turned to reenter his grandmother's room. He sat by her side for a bit, and gave her a hug just before she drifted off to sleep. Noah was still in surgery and probably would be for the next few hours.

He was sitting in the waiting room when Maddie and James showed up. Maddie hugged him close for a long moment and he buried his head in her hair. For anyone who didn't know him, Luke appeared to be a pillar of strength. He wasn't reacting to anything. He just sat and he waited. James picked up on the inconsistencies in Luke's demeanor but he didn't comment on them. Now was not the time…not when Luke was worried for Noah.

No one could guess the turmoil that was in Luke's head right now. His mind was once again thinking of all the worst case scenarios. He tried to be optimistic about the situation but he didn't have much confidence in the hospital at the moment. He certainly wasn't looking forward to coming face to face with Noah's father. He was sure that would happen soon enough and he just knew that the Col would try to evict him from Noah's life…not that there was a chance in hell of that happening. Of course that all hinged on Noah surviving…

"I don't even know his blood type."

Maddie and James had been speaking softly beside him but now they turned in his general direction. 'What was that, Luke," Maddie asked wishing there was something more she could do for her friend.

"His blood type," Luke repeated softly. "I wouldn't even know what to tell them if they asked…and I don't know what he's allergic too either. I'm should know these things shouldn't I? Not that I could donate blood, even if I wanted to."

"Luke, you need to breathe." James voice sounded strong and firm to his ears and he focused on that momentarily. His eyes met kind green and somehow he did relax if only a little bit. "I know you're worried, and that's okay…it's alright to be scared."

"I just want him to be okay," Luke admitted softly. He bit his lip and tried to regain his composure. This waiting was getting to him…he wished someone would talk to him, but he knew no one would. He wished his father was here, but he knew that couldn't happen either. He wished Noah wasn't in surgery…he just wanted to turn back time to the moment Noah said he wanted to leave. He would have begged him to stay…he would have made him stay.

"Well there's his father," Maddie said pointing at the man who was coming down the hall. "We could just ask him."

"Hello Madeline," the Col said stopping in front of Maddie. "It's good to see you again. I'm sorry that it took a hospital to make it happen."

James, who had been watching Luke's face as the Col came over, turned his attention to the conversation taking place before him. Noah's father was focused completely on Maddie as he gave her his full attention. The man hadn't even bothered to glance at Luke; that in itself was odd to James.

"I wish we were meeting under different circumstances Col?" Maddie said sadly.

"Is Noah out of surgery?" Luke asked, a frantic tinge to his words, and James could tell that he wanted to say more, but he was holding back.

"I'm glad you are here to support my son," The Colonel said, still focusing on Maddie. "I'm sure he will be happy to see you, If he wakes up."

James was taken aback with how easily the man disregarded Luke's question. It just didn't make sense to him. Couldn't he tell that Luke was worried too? Did the man even care?

"If he wakes up" Luke asked, and James could tell that Luke was teetering on a precarious edge. He was somewhere between fear and anger, and James was curious which side would win. "Is something wrong with Noah?"

"Don't you mean when he wakes up?" Maddie asked, a frown crossing her features. James wondered what she thought of the fact that the Col was completely ignoring Luke. She couldn't be too happy about that. "What are you trying to say Colonel?"

"If, When, it's not that big of deal Madeline it's just words. Noah is going to be fine. No reason for you to concern yourself."

"It is not the same thing," Luke exclaimed as he jumped to his feet. "Don't stand there and try to make light of this, and stop ignoring me. I asked you a direct question and I want an answer. What' happened to Noah!"

The Colonel turned and glared daggers at Luke who stood his ground. "Thanks to you, my son is on a coma, and the doctors don't know if he will ever wake up from it."

"Oh God," Luke turned away from that gaze, and James stood ready to help if Luke needed it. He didn't seem so steady anymore. "I have to go to him…he needs me there."

"You will not go anywhere near my son," the Colonel snapped, grabbing Luke by the arm and forcing him to face him. James wondered if either Maddie or Noah's dad noticed the flicker of fear that flashed through Luke's eyes before it was smothered by rage.

"Noah needs me," he said ripping his arm out of the Colonel's grasp. "And you're wrong…the doctors are wrong. He will wake up…I just know he will."

"Luke," James said speaking up for the first time since the Colonel had entered the scene. "Breathe."

Luke looked at those green eyes and tried to agree but something inside him had snapped when he heard that Noah might not wake up.

"Who are you," the Col said turning on James. "Are you the next notch on his belt? You certainly don't waste any time do you."

"Who do you think you are," Luke yelled before James even had a chance to open his mouth. "Why are you being so cruel? Do you even care about your son at all?"

"You don't get to question MY feelings for MY son. You just stay away from him."

"You can't keep me away from him. I love him and he would want me to be with him."

James chose that moment to walk over to Luke, placing his hands squarely on the blond's shoulders. He could feel the tensing of the shoulders but he couldn't concentrate on that at the moment. "Luke, listen to me…you need to calm down. You can't help Noah if you are banned from the hospital."

The moment Luke started to relax; James turned his attention to the Colonel. "I think it's time for you to go."

"Gladly," the Col said taking a step back. "Madeline, as always it was a pleasure. I will let you know if there are any changes with Noah. And as for you," he said taking a hold of Luke's arm again. "You better stay away from my son, or I'll make you stay away."

"Leave him alone," James said sternly. His fists were clenched and he was glaring at this man he didn't even know. He was relieved when Noah's father turned on his heels and walked down the hall. James pulled Luke back over to their seats, positioning him between himself and Maddie who wrapped an arm around her friend. It was going to be a long night.

It took him a moment to realize that they had truly left his side. He knew they would be back…Maddie had gone to see if there was more news about Noah. James had murmured something about coffee and food. He was alone in the waiting room, staring straight ahead into the nothingness. His mind was numb, void of anything remotely resembling an emotion. He didn't want to feel anything…he couldn't.

Noah was in a coma. He couldn't stop the phrase from reverberating in his mind. _"Thanks to you…my son is in a coma…If he wakes up…_

_Noah's in a coma….the words…that voice wouldn't quit. It was all he could hear._

_Noah was in a coma…_

_He may never wake up…_

_It was all his fault…_

Thanks to him…thanks to him. He closed his eyes trying to shut out the voice and the words. He wished he could shut out the world.

He jumped when a hand touched his shoulder, and he turned ready to strike at the person who dared to touch him. When he saw those blue eyes staring down at him his lip quivered. Like a child who had just had a bad nightmare, he threw himself into a pair of arms that were both strong and familiar. His head was instantly buried in the crook of the man's neck, and he felt fingers in his hair as he allowed the tears to fall.

"I'm scared," he whispered when his well of tears was dry. He pulled away enough to look his dad in the eye and shook his head. "I'm just so scared right now and I don't...he's in a coma, Dad. He's unconscious and he might not wake up and I just want to see him but they won't let me near him"

"What happened, Luke?" Holden asked, placing a hand on his son's shoulder to steady him. "You weren't here alone were you? And are you okay?"

Luke shook his head. "I'm fine; I wasn't with Noah when the accident happened. He was in a car crash…I don't really know the details; somehow he flew out the truck. It must have been a bad accident because Noah's very careful and he is usually wearing his seatbelt."

A single tear slipped down his cheek and Luke wiped it away angrily. All the frustration he had been feeling earlier was at the surface. He was glad his dad was there…he always made things seem just a little better, even when they weren't. "The doctors won't talk to me though…and Noah's dad is being a jerk."

"Why won't they tell you anything," Holden asked keeping his tone even. "Why is Noah's father being a jerk? Do you know anything besides the fact that he's in a coma?"

Luke tried to breathe and ran a hand through his hair. He shook his head and looked down avoiding his father's gaze. "Noah's dad…the Col doesn't really like me much…he doesn't want me anywhere near Noah. He said it's my fault that Noah's in a coma…and he's right…it is my fault."

"Did you cause the car crash?" Holden asked simply.

"What Dad no," Luke exclaimed looking up into his father's eyes once more. "Noah went out because he wanted to get something for me. He went out into the snow even though I told him it could wait…I didn't need any more Christmas gifts but he insisted and now…"

"Now you will breathe and stop listening to the Colonel," Holden instructed firmly. "I'm sure we can work something out so you will be able to see Noah, but for right now I want you to try to relax. I know that's not easy…and I know you don't like hospitals much. You aren't alone, Luke…remember that."

"I just want to see him," Luke confessed. "He's my family, Dad. I can't lose him…I won't."

"Mr. Snyder you made it," Maddie's voice reached his ears and Luke shifted pulling away from his dad completely. He wiped away the stray moisture on his cheek and smiled gratefully as Maddie placed a cup of coffee in his hands.

"Hi, Maddie," Holden acknowledged her presence with a sad smile. And who is this if I may ask?" his eyes fell on James who was handing Maddie her cup of coffee.

"This is my boyfriend, James," Maddie replied softly. "James, this is Luke's dad, Holden Snyder."

"I wish we were meeting under better circumstances sir," James said shaking the older man's hand.

"Me too," Holden agreed. "Have you both been here with Luke all night?"

"They've taken good care of me, Dad," Luke piped up, somehow managing to keep the smile on his face. "We're trying to keep each other sane."

Holden nodded, James and Maddie had come back at the right moment. Now surely Luke knew that he wasn't alone. They'd probably have to tell him that a lot.

"They cut Noah open," Luke said breaking the silence that had fallen. "it was so bad…the accident…they had to slice him open…he's scared…I'm the only one who can make him not scared."

"Has he had any sleep," Holden asked frowning. He knew it wasn't good when his son just started to ramble incoherently.

"Every time he drifted off he would wake back up," James explained.

"The Col won't let me see Noah…but if I don't see him he's not going to be okay. Oh god then I really would be responsible for this."

"Luke," Holden said taking his son into his arms once again pressing his head against his chest. He could hear Luke's muffled voice, and feel the squirming but he didn't let go. Five beats later Luke went limp in his dad's arms…it appeared that well of tears wasn't dry after all.

Luke sighed as he leaned his head back against the wall by the ICU. He took a sip of his coffee, trying not to wince at the taste. It had been a long morning, and it was turning into an even longer afternoon. Every few minutes he would look at his watch, and look down the hall as if he were waiting for something or someone.

Maddie was at the station and James was somewhere in the hospital. Luke vaguely remembered him saying something about reporting to his father for duty. It was something he would ask James about later. Right now he didn't much care about anything but Noah's welfare. Holden had been called back to the farm, but he promised to check in regularly and he would be back as soon as he could.

In the meantime Allison had filled Luke in on what was going on with Noah. She told him as much as she could without getting into trouble, and Luke was grateful for that. The surgery had gone as well as could be expected, but it wasn't without complications. One small error had sent Noah into a coma and the doctors weren't sure if he would ever recover from it.

Luke didn't like the sound of that, and in fact he wasn't going to accept it. If everyone else wanted to give up on Noah then that was fine…he would not. Noah was going to wake up…there were no ifs ands or buts about it. His husband would come back to him.

He took another sip of coffee and turned to face the glass that separated him from Noah. His forehead rested against the glass and he forced himself to look at the figure in the bed. It hurt his heart to see Noah's head wrapped in bandages. His leg and his arm were in casts; the leg gravitated off the bed. It was a position that had to be very uncomfortable and Luke was grateful that at least Noah wasn't feeling any of the pain.

It still made him sad to think that Noah was in there somewhere, possibly feeling so lost and alone. According to Alison Noah's was in Critical condition, which meant it was pretty touch and go. That was why he was still in intensive care…the doctors weren't sure what it would take to upgrade him to stable. It was as if Noah were giving up.

He just needed to get into that room; Luke knew that like he knew his own name. If he could have one minute with Noah things would turn around. Noah just needed him…they needed each other…he had to believe that otherwise he would go insane.

"Luke," Ali called as she came towards him. Luke turned away from the glass and smiled gratefully as the red-head came to stand before him. "I'm sorry it took me so long to get here. I was stuck with a patient, and then your brother called…"

Luke placed his hands on her shoulders to silence her for a moment. "It's okay, Ali. You have been such a big help to me…I don't know how to repay you, but I will figure that out."

Alison smiled and gave him a hug. "You don't have to thank me, Luke. It's the least I can do to thank you for being so nice to me. But I'm sure you don't want to listen to me talk about myself."

She smiled encouragingly and looked down the hall before gesturing for Luke to follow her into Noah's room.

The first thing that hit him upon entering the room was the stark whiteness. It was one of the many things he disliked about hospital rooms. They were so white and so bare…so cold. There was no warmth in this room, and Luke wondered if he should bring some blankets for Noah.

He stood close to the door while Alison performed her initial examination of Noah. He knew there were things she needed to do, that he probably didn't want to see. She drew the sheet around the bed, and for a moment he could only see her shadow as she moved around the bed.

Luke knew all to well what it was like to be confined to a hospital bed. It definitely wasn't a treat to be hooked up to machines and to have no control of your bodily functions. He had at least been conscious when he was in there…albeit barely. Noah on the other hand…it made him sad just thinking about it, and he was grateful to Alison for not allowing him to see just how bad things were.

"You can come in now," she said some time later, pulling the curtain back and beckoning Luke forward. She repositioned Noah on the bed and checked his temperature and other vitals before making sure the blanket was secure around him.

"How is he?" Luke asked, finding that he couldn't take his eyes off of Noah's pale face. He was trying very hard to keep his composure. In a minute he would be where he needed to be; at Noah's bedside.

"He's hanging in there, Luke," Alison said her voice gentle and soft. "The doctor said he was holding steady, but really not improving.. it hasn't been a full day yet since he was brought in so…there is no need to worry."

"But the doctors already think he won't wake up," Luke frowned. "I don't agree with them. They don't know Noah like I do. He's a fighter and he's very stubborn."

"I hope you have the same attitude when it's been a couple of weeks,:" Allison said solemnly. "This isn't going to be easy by any means, Luke."

"Can I just have a minute alone with him…please?" Luke asked, his voice cracking with emotion. "Would that be okay?"

"I'll be back in two hours to check on him…and I know his dad won't be back tonight…so you don't have to worry."

Luke nodded and went over to take the seat by Noah's bed. He could feel Alison's eyes on him, and knew the exact moment when he and Noah were alone…and only then did he allow himself to exhale.


	19. Chapter 19

If Luke had one wish it was for Noah to open his eyes and look at him. If he had one hope it was that Noah would squeeze his hand and let him know he was okay. He would be grateful for any sign that things would start looking up but he knew he was reaching…grasping for straws that just weren't there. For the moment he had to be content with this…sitting at Noah's bedside, the fact that his husband was alive…that would have to be enough for now.

"Hey, Dork," he said taking Noah's limp hand into his own. "I just wanted you to know I'm here…and I'm not going to cut you any slack. You are going to have some explaining to do when you wake up…and you are going to wake up, Noah. I'm making that promise for you because you can't do it right now…but I know you can hear me. I know you know that I'm trying to be witty and sarcastic because it's the only way I'm going to be able to stay sane."

He paused for a moment to take a deep breath. It felt nice to be here in this space with Noah. He just wanted to be able to talk to him, and he could until Alison came back. He knew he could be honest here, and he knew the best thing for Noah would be to act normal…whatever that really meant.

"You do know that you are my sanity…right Noah? You keep me from going off the deep end…who's going to do that now with you lying here like this? Now don't think that means I blame you for anything because I don't. I am not mad at you…I think you need to know that. I think you need to know that I love you Noah…so much and it hurts to know that you are in a place where I can't reach you. But I'm not going to dwell on that right now…not when I only have a little bit of time to spend with you. I just wanted you to be able to hear my voice…to know that I am here if you need me."

He brought Noah's limp hand up to his lips, allowing it to stay there for a long moment. Sometimes he liked the silence. The quiet moments when he and Noah could just be together were some of the best moments in his life. There would be a lot of those in days to come, and he knew that…he wasn't naïve enough to think that Noah would open his eyes today, tomorrow or even next week. Luke didn't know when he would see those blue eyes again…he just knew he would and he had faith in that…even if no one else did.

"Luke."

He felt the hand on his shoulder and for a brief moment he thought it was Noah's…except it felt wrong, and the voice was wrong too. He heard his name called again and he sighed opening his tired eyes. Alison was standing beside him a sad smile on her face.

"Hey," he said wearily as he stood and let go of Noah's hand. "I guess I'm a little more tired than I thought…I didn't overstay my time did I?"

Alison shook her head and moved over to Noah's bedside. "I gave you a few extra minutes when I saw you were sleeping, but now I really need to make sure I give Noah a complete exam. I hope you had a nice visit."

"I did," Luke said glancing at Noah one last time. "I'm leaving now, Noah, but I'll be back. I love you."

Over the next two weeks Noah's condition saw many changes. His vitals seemed to fluctuate during the day, but in the evenings they seemed to level off. Luke kept his promise to Noah and was at the hospital every day, usually at night when Alison finished her rotation. Sometimes he would sit and talk to him about everyday things. And other times Luke would just sit there, letting Noah know he was there with the simplest of touches. He would hold his hand, or allow his fingers to caress Noah's face. Any way he could let his husband know he was present he would do it, and he prayed for the day that Noah would respond.

Ali figured out why Noah's health seemed to deteriorate at certain points of the day. It was news she wished she could share with someone. It was obvious to her that Noah missed Luke, and his failing health was a direct result of Luke not being there. If that was the case then Luke really needed to be allowed to see Noah. Alison just didn't know how to make that happen. As it was Luke was there as often as time allowed. He was Noah's most frequent visitor and there was definitely drastic change in the vitals between the times Luke was there and when the Colonel or anyone else for that matter paid a visit.

"I want to test something," Ali said to Luke when she entered the room Thursday evening. Luke had seen her coming and was already preparing to leave when she spoke.

:"You want to try what?" He asked, stretching out his back as he waited for her to respond.

"I have a theory about Noah, and you are going to help me test it out."

"Well I'd do anything for Noah," Luke said running a hand through his hair. "Just tell me what I have to do."

"Well I think you will like this idea," Ali said with a smile. "I want you to stay here with Noah overnight. I know that it's usually just relatives that can sleep over…but I'll make sure you are able to be in here…and no one will be the wiser."

"Well you don't have to twist my arm for that one, Luke commented. "I hate leaving him at night. I hate leaving him here at all."

"Then don't worry about that right now," Alison said softly. "I'm going to let you take care of Noah tonight, and I will make sure this room is on my rotation…" Luke listened as Ali told him what exactly was going to happen. He didn't know why Ali was doing this but he wasn't going to complain. If he could do something to help Noah in some kind of way then he would.

"I think I need to tell people that we're married, Noah," Luke said as he returned to Noah's side. He had stepped out for a minute so the Nurse could perform her duties and now he took a moment to straighten Noah's blankets. "I know we wanted to do that together, and you wanted to be the one to tell your dad…but if he had his way I wouldn't see you at all. I guess it really doesn't matter anyway…I mean it's not like its legal or anything. It just makes sense to us. You do realize," He said after a pause, "That today is our anniversary, right?"

He smiled sadly as he reached to take Noah's hand into his. "It's been two months, and it's been a very rocky road. You aren't trying to get back at me for practically ruining our first month of Marriage are you?" he laughed in an attempt to keep from crying. "Because if you are, this isn't the way to do it, Noah. I know we said that we would see each other through the hard times but you have to admit this is a bit extreme. I miss you so much right now, and I feel like I can't make a decision without worrying that I'm making the wrong one. Does that make sense?"

He wiped away the moisture that had seeped on to his cheeks and leaned in to kiss Noah's forehead. "But okay, enough tears right…I'm supposed to be figuring out what to do about our marriage situation. You're probably thinking that doesn't sound like my Luke…and you'd be right. I have to fight for my right to be by your side, and I shouldn't let your dad stop me. I just wish I could shout it out to everyone who will listen. I want them to know that I am the husband of Noah Mayer. You like the sound of that, don't you?"

He knew it was probably his imagination, but he could have sworn Noah was reacting to his words. Was that possible? Could Noah actually be hearing what he was saying? He glanced at the vitals and squinted for a moment before looking back at his lover. "Are you hearing me, Noah? Are you reacting to my words?" He waited for a moment, and a smile crossed his lips as the vitals seemed to respond positively. "I'll be right back, Noah," he said standing from his seat. "I have to go get Ali, but I'll be right back."

"So explain to me again what happened exactly?" Ali asked as Luke pulled her into the room.

"I was just talking to him, Ali, and when I said something about our relationship that could, I guess, be taken as not what he wanted his vitals seemed to jump. Then as I continued to talk and tell him how much I need him and so on he seemed to calm down and the vitals seemed to stabilize. Am I imaging it or could he be reacting to what I am saying?"

"I think he is," Ali said with a smile. "Keep talking to him about anything, good and bad. I'll monitor his stats and you can let me know when his vitals spike again okay?

Luke frowned. "I don't know what to talk to him about."

"Just talk to him from your heart, Luke." Ali replied with a smile. It won't steer you wrong."

"Ali told me I needed to just talk to you about anything…so I'm trying to figure out where to start. I know I can speak from my heart when it comes to you, Noah…and that's not a problem, believe me when I say that. I would love to sit here and talk to you about all the great moments we have had over the past seven months. I just don't feel like I can…not anymore."

Luke took Noah's hand in his and rested his chin on top of their joined fingers as he looked at him. "It's…sad really, but every time I think about how you and I got together….I think about him. When I think about that double date, I have to remember him….and that night when we made love…the good times, Noah and even the bad ones. But I can't think about them and smile because they make me think about him and I don't want to think about him. I want…I want to forget that I know his name." Luke shook his head and closed his eyes. "It's just so sad that so much of what we are and what we became is wrapped around him. and it makes it hard for me to remember it with good thoughts. I hate that, and I'm sorry…I wish it could be different."

"Please don't think I don't want to remember," he said even as he turned to signal to Ali. There had been a spike in the vitals again, and he just knew Noah was hearing him. "I want to recall every kiss, and every touch and relive every moment we had together….like when you played footsies with me under the table. And the way you looked in that apron on our anniversary…you looked sexy that day, Noah. You just don't know how much of an effect you have on me…you never did get it completely. "I love you more than you will ever truly know and I need you more than you could ever guess. Yeah, that's right," He said as he once again signaled Ali to a change in the vitals. "I need you, so when you're ready you need to come back to me."

He let go of Noah's hand for a moment to caress his cheek, allowing a single tear to slide down his face. "Happy Anniversary Noah."

From where she stood in the doorway, Ali watched as Luke rested his head on Noah's arm. . She smiled as she charted the vitals, satisfied that her findings had been correct.

"So what did you want to talk to me about," Maddie asked as she sat with Ali in the hospital cafeteria. She had stopped in to visit Noah and had insisted that James take Luke home so he could rest and shower. Alison had caught her as she walked down the hall and insisted on treating her to coffee and a chat.

Alison fiddled with her coffee cup for a moment before looking up at her friend. "I've been letting Luke into Noah's room," she confessed keeping her voice low. "I didn't think it was right that Noah's dad wanted to keep Luke away, and you know what, I'm glad I did it."

Maddie smiled admiringly at Alison and took a sip of her coffee. "I knew I liked you for a reason," she teased.

Alison laughed. "That's a nice change from you hating my guts," she retorted.

"Yes, well It's hard to hate someone who picks you up when you're at your lowest point," Maddie said softly. "There's nothing more soothing than a sappy old movie and Butter Pecan ice cream to lift your spirits." She sighed fondly and took another sip of coffee before focusing on Ali again. "But anyway…so you have been letting Luke in to see Noah? The Colonel would have a cow If he found that out. Is that why Luke looked somewhat content when I saw him this morning?"

"You could say that," Ali admitted slyly. "Luke was helping me with an experiment and let's just say it went very well. And as for the Colonel, that man needs an attitude adjustment."

"That's the understatement of the century," Maddie grumbled with a shake of her head. "You should have heard him that first night. He was so awful to Luke, it was crazy."

"Well, he's definitely not doing his son any favors," Ali shook her head. "I have been keeping an eye on Noah's charts and you wouldn't believe how different his reactions are when his father is in the room versus when anyone else is in there but especially when Luke comes. I mean if I were a doctor, I wouldn't let the Colonel anywhere near Noah."

"Is it that bad when he's in there?" Maddie asked concerned. "I mean I know you can't really give me details or anything but he's my friend too…"

"I know, Maddie," Alison said reaching out to touch her friend's hand. "I know you are worried about him too. He responds to Luke though…" she said after a moment's pause. That's what I was trying to figure out last night. Luke was talking to him and whatever he said, Noah was reacting. It's like he knows when Luke is there, because he's perfectly okay. But I know when his vitals get checked later this morning they'll probably be erratic again because Luke's not there."

"When do you get off work?" Maddie asked switching gears as a nurse walked by their table.

"Pretty soon," Alison told her. "I have to do one last round, and Noah is actually my last stop."

"Well then you and I are going where we can talk then…I have something to tell you and then we have a job to do."

"Run that by me one more time," Ali said as she leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees. She and Maddie were sitting in Luke and Noah's apartment. Luke had insisted on going back to the hospital, despite protests that he needed rest. James, who had to get back to his father's office offered to give him a ride back there and Maddie had volunteered to tidy up the apartment while Luke was gone.

"Which part didn't you understand," Maddie asked as she started rifling through some papers that were on the inn table.

"I could have sworn I heard you say that Luke and Noah were married. Is that even legal here?"

"I did say that," Maddie said opening a drawer. Will you stop sitting there and help me look please? It's not legal here…but that's not really the point is it? I mean you said so yourself, Noah responds to Luke's presence…and if that's the case…"

"Then Luke needs to be in the room with him even more," Ali conceded as she lifted herself off the couch. "What are we looking for exactly?"

"Something that will prove that Luke has the right to make decisions for Noah," Maddie explained. "I'm sure there has to be something here that says that he is the next of kin when it comes to decisions and things. I mean the Colonel hasn't' really been a part of Noah's life for months…it doesn't seem right that he can step in now and take control.

"Do you think Luke and Noah have Advanced Directives?"

I think so," Maddie said as she continued to look. I remember Noah looking into that after Luke was hospitalized. He wanted to make sure that he had permission to be with Luke if the family wasn't around, and he wanted the same for Luke. I don't think they could have perceived this happening though…where would they put those?"

"Right here," Ali said picking up a manila envelope. She pulled out the official paper and handed it to Maddie who had come to stand by her side.

"Bingo," Maddie said her eyes scanning the document before placing it back in its envelope. "We have to make a copy of this and Luke's too…just in case."

"Well first we need to convince Luke to tell the truth," Ali pointed out. "He shouldn't have to sneak around…and I think Noah's survival will ultimately depend on Luke being there.

Maddie nodded, a frown crossing her features. There was no doubt in her mind that Ali was right.  
**

"I told you I'd be back," Luke said taking his seat at Noah's side. He took his husband's hand in his and rested his chin on their fingers. "I hope you don't mind if I don't talk right now though. I'd much rather just sit here with you, maybe close my eyes for a bit. You wouldn't mind too much would you?" His eyes drifted closed as he spoke, and a yawn escaped his lips. It wasn't long before the only sound in the room was the soft beeps of the vitals.

He was jolted awake by a hand on his shoulder, shaking him roughly. He turned quickly, ready to lash out, and his face darkened when he found himself staring up at Colonel Mayer.

"What do you think you're doing in my son's room," the Colonel demanded angrily. He grabbed Luke's arm and pulled him out of the chair. "I thought I made it clear that you were supposed to stay away from him? What do I need to do to make you understand?"

"I want you to let me go," Luke tried hard to keep the fear out of his voice. His anger was quickly mounting and he ripped his arm away from the colonel and moved closer to Noah's side. In just that short amount of times, Noah's vitals had started to jump, but he was certain the Colonel didn't notice.

"Get away from him," The Col raged, grabbing Luke again, this time shaking him. "If you touch a hair on his head I will have you arrested is that clear."

James heard the angry voices as he rounded the corner and he frowned. He quickened his pace as he realized the noise was coming from Noah's room, where he had left Luke half an hour before. He had only meant to step out for a moment while Luke slept…to check in with his own father, and make sure there were no pressing matters he needed to attend to. The voices grew louder as he got closer and he began to wonder if he should have left Luke alone.

"DON"T TOUCH ME!" Luke's yell hit James right in the face as he reached the doorway. Luke was standing by Noah's bed, and he was glaring at the man whose expression James could not read. "IF you want to yell at me, that's fine, go ahead, YELL!" Luke continued, his voice sounding over loud in the room. James knew he needed to get in there to calm him down. "But don't you ever put your hands on me again. Do you understand that? You do not touch me."

"Luke," James said keeping his voice calm. "You need to calm down."

"I want you both out of my son's hospital room," The Colonel demanded. "Your presence is upsetting him."

"You're the one who's upsetting him," Luke exclaimed. James cringed at the anguish he heard in that voice. He wished he could figure out what was going on. He could understand why Luke was upset about the Colonel wanting to evict him from Noah's room, but his reaction to being touched was unsettling. He felt like he had a lot of little puzzle pieces but none of them fit together just right. All he could figure was that there was something really wrong with Luke.

"Noah wants me here," Luke asserted, standing his ground. "And I will not leave his side, no matter what you say."

"Noah doesn't know what he wants," The Colonel spat back angrily as James watched from the doorway. Out of the corner of his eye he saw someone approach. He was surprised to see the chief of police step up beside him, her eyes intent on the scene unfolding before them.

"Noah can't make any coherent decisions, and that means it's up to me to make them," The Col. continued. "You are confusing him, and you have been for months now. It's time for it to stop. You are nothing more than his roommate and I don't want your influence anywhere near him.

"He's not my Roommate," Luke snapped as the chief of police cleared her throat. Luke and the Colonel looked in her direction and James moved further into the room. He was glad that Luke had calmed his voice a little. He had also moved away from Noah's bed, as if he wanted to distance Noah away from the madness happening in the hospital room.

"Could I have a word with you Col. Mayer?" Margo asked after showing her badge.

"Unless you are here to arrest this deviant I don't think we have much to discuss right now," The Col. replied in a much more respectful tone than he had used with Luke.

"It is about your son, and I will need to question you too, Luke."

"What why?" Luke asked confused. "Did you find out what caused the accident?"

James wasn't sure if he would ever be able to explain it, but at that moment things got complicated. Noah's dad turned on Luke again, yelling at him for asking asinine questions. Luke recoiled momentarily but stood his ground, glaring at the Colonel coldly. Noah's Vitals started singing a terrible tune that clearly showed that the patient was upset, and the Police chief got into a heated discussion with her fellow officers. One of the officers was carrying an evidence bag and the other had charts in his hand. James was amazed that a doctor or a nurse hadn't come in yet…there were too many people in here now.

"SHUT UP!" The power behind Luke's voice silenced the room completely. "Just….stop it okay?" Luke lowered his voice and moved back over to Noah's bed. "It's too loud in here…and my husband is not going to get any better with all this stress and noise." He took a hold of Noah's hand, and almost immediately the beeps were steadier, and James had to smile. Luke truly did have an amazing effect on Noah.

"If you want to talk to me," he said directing his question to the police chief. "I would be happy to oblige, just not in here…I'm not sure what you could want to speak with me about but if it has to do with Noah, I will listen. "And as for you," he said turning on the Colonel. "I'm not going to let you keep me away from my husband…and I will advise that you not come in here if you're going to have that attitude. Noah needs happy influences, not angry ones."

"How dare you stand there and dictate what my son needs to me," The Colonel fumed. "You have no more legal rights to him than some commoner on the street."

"You are so wrong on that one, Colonel," Maddie's voice met James' ears and he turned as she pushed through the cops followed by the doctor who requested that anyone who didn't need to be there step outside. Margo ushered the police out, and James saw Alison slip into the room before closing the door for privacy.

"What's the meaning of this?" The Colonel snapped. "You were supposed to keep him from my son."

"Why would I do that when it's fairly obvious that it is thanks to Luke here that your son has survived this long?"

"Hes not family and I don't' want him near my kid. I would think that would be enough."

"According to the Advanced Directive Luke has more right to be here than you do, Colonel, and besides their married." Maddie said with satisfaction.

James noted that Luke wasn't really paying attention to the conversation anymore. His focus was completely on Noah. His mouth was moving, so James surmised that he was speaking softly to his husband, trying to keep him calm while there were still people afoot.

"I wanted to talk to you about the items that were found on Noah at the time of his accident," Margo was explaining as Luke stepped up beside her. "And actually, I suppose we should be talking to you about this, Luke," Margo acknowledged his presence. The police found a duffel bag at the accident scene containing a bag of torn garments. Since the items were suspicious we had forensics test them and they have only just recently given us the results.

Luke frowned. Torn clothes? Found in Noah's possession…that didn't make any sense. Why would there have been torn clothes in Noah's bag unless… He frowned and looked at Margo, afraid to ask the question that had come to his mind.

"There were three different sets of DNA on these clothes," Margo continued. Luke's heartbeat started to quicken and his mind was screaming. She could not be talking about the clothes he thought she was speaking of. "There were also three sets of fingerprints. The most recent being Noah's. "Do you recognize these clothes Luke?"

He opened his mouth to speak, and his throat completely closed off. He couldn't breathe and his palms were starting to get sweaty. He knew he probably looked like a fool but he didn't know what else to do. His worst nightmare seemed to be coming true at the moment. The police had the clothes…they had tested them and they were talking about the results. At least two sets of DNA were not out of the ordinary…but that third set…it made Luke cringe to think about it.

How had Noah gotten his hand on those clothes? He felt sick, just having those items in his sights again made him ill…and a sharp pain pierced his heart. Somehow Noah had found the bag…and had taken the clothes with him. And now because of that he was lying in the hospital fighting for his life.

Luke couldn't breathe, and he could barely nod his head in answer to Margo's question. At least he thought he nodded his head. His eyes closed as he continued his efforts to fight off the fit of panic he knew was coming.

"Boy you were asked a question," The Colonel's voice sounded so loud, his hands went to cover his ears. He wanted to block out the noise. His head went down and he felt arms catching him before he fell to the ground. He was lowered to the floor and a paper bag was shoved into his face.

"Luke, Luke, listen to me" he heard James's voice somehow breaking through the fog. "Breathe," he instructed. "Just breathe into the bag."

""You hurt my son," The Colonel, sneered suddenly. Luke was in no condition to dispute that claim. He was trying not to cry as he did what James told him to do. "You and that pervert I saw you with that night…you did something to my boy, and he wanted to get rid of the evidence."

"That's enough, Colonel," Maddie's voice sounded mad. Luke hoped she wasn't mad at him. "And I'm not sorry for any disrespect. I'm not going to let you stand there and blame Luke for hurting Noah. Luke would never, ever hurt anyone…let alone your son. He loves him, and it's too bad that you just can't accept that."

"Actually, Colonel, " Margo said speaking up again. "Noah's prints are as I stated pretty recent…so I would venture to guess that these clothes do not belong to him. Is that right Luke."

Luke still clutched the paper bag in his hand but he was feeling a little bit better. "Clothes…mine," he gasped and focused again on breathing into the bag.

"If it's okay, could the questioning continue another day?" James asked. "I don't mean any disrespect, ma'am but I know Luke is still getting over his own illness and he can't help Noah if he ends up in the hospital again."

Maddie smiled approvingly at James and glared at the Colonel. She was really beginning to understand why Noah did a lot of the things he did over the summer.

"I think we have all the information we need for now," Margo conceded. "Luke, I want you to get better, and when you are up to it…I have more questions."

"Yes…ma'am," Luke managed to say as James helped him up off the floor. He held out his arms for a moment in an attempt to steady himself. He turned and was relieved to see that Dr. Hughes was there. "Is Noah okay?" he asked worry clearly etched on his face.

"Thanks to you, Luke, your husband is in stable condition. He should be able to move into a private room where he can be monitored, and thanks to this document…you can make decisions about who sees him or not. You do know that this also means that if the time comes…"

"Don't even say it," Luke said shaking his head. His breathing was returning to normal and he ran a hand through his hair. "I' know that that paper gives me the right to decide if Noah continues to live or die…but that's not something I'm going to have to think about until we are at least eighty. I know he's going to wake up from this."

Dr. Hughes had to smile. Luke never ceased to amaze him with his courage. "Then answer me this, Luke. Do you want Noah's father to have access to him?"

"I think…" Luke said choosing his next words carefully. "It would be in Noah's best interest if he didn't…at least until he's awake. Because if he's stable now, I want him to stay stable…no more fluctuating. If he is going to get better than he needs no negative influences…right doctor?"

"Where do you get off," the Colonel spoke up, but Dr Hughes stopped him.

"I agree with Luke, Colonel. "Noah needs to remain calm if he is going to recover…so I think for the mean time, your visits need to be restricted and you need a serious attitude adjustment. If Luke thinks Noah will benefit from seeing you, I am sure he will allow you a visit. But until then, it's up to him. So if I catch you in Noah's room without permission, I know how to get in touch with my daughter-in-law.

"Thanks," Luke said as James placed a cup of coffee in his hands. He looked up at his friend who had yet to take a seat and smiled. "Have I told you how much I appreciate you being here for me?" he asked as James took a seat beside him.

"I don't think you've mentioned it in the past hour," James teased. "But it's been my pleasure. Friends are supposed to help friends…and I have no doubt you'd be there for me if I needed you."

Luke smiled and bit his lip. It felt good to be happy for a change. "Yeah, I would, in a heartbeat," he admitted. "I don't know what I would do without you, or Maddie or Ali for that matter. So thank you…your support really means a lot to me."

James lifted his cup in acknowledgement before taking another sip of coffee. They were sitting in the waiting area, while Noah was being prepped to move to his own private room. Maddie had gone back to the station and James had insisted that Luke take a breather. It wasn't so hard when he reminded him that a healthy Luke was much better for Noah right now than a hospitalized Luke.

"Your dad has been here too," James reminded him. And don't forget your grandma. You have a lot of people in your corner, Luke."

"I know," Luke said looking down at his coffee cup. "But it's different."

"How so?" James asked curiously.

"I love my family," Luke admitted looking up once more, and I adore Maddie and I know they mean well…but sometimes I feel overwhelmed with them looking out for me so much. It's like they're waiting for me to break, and I always feel like I'm being watched. To be honest it creeps me out a little." He managed a small smile before taking another sip.

"I don't come across that way do I?" James asked concerned. It had never occurred to him that Luke would be uncomfortable with everyone's attention on him. Of course everyone was just worried about Luke because they knew Noah was that important to him.

"No, no," Luke assured him quickly. "It's weird, it's like I know you're looking out for me because you have a good heart and you seem to genuinely care. And I know everyone else does too, but you don't have to be here. I mean I feel bad because I am sure I'm taking you away from something, and cutting into Maddie's time too…"

James laughed and shook his head. "You are doing no such thing, and I know my girlfriend would agree."

"It's nice to have someone to talk to," Luke admitted, picking up his train of thought. "Other than…Noah I really don't have someone I can confide in like that."

"I thought you and Randy were really close like that?" James said; even as the thought crossed his mind that Randy hadn't been around much as of late. In fact he couldn't remember the man ever coming to the hospital in the past two weeks. Maddie rarely mentioned him anymore, unless she was upset about something he had done, and he couldn't remember the last time Luke had mentioned him.

He was just about to ask about it when he noticed that his friend was as pale as the cup of coffee he held in his hands. "Luke?" he said cautiously, wanting to reach out and touch his shoulder, but not wanting to spook him further. He could still hear Luke's outburst in his mind and didn't want to chance making things worse. "Luke what's wrong."

"Nothing," Luke said shaking himself out of the daze he'd slipped into when he heard Randy's name. "I just…I don't…I don't want to talk about him…okay?"

Okay, I'm sorry I brought him up." James said frowning. "I didn't mean to upset you."

"I'm sorry, James," Luke broke the silence that had fallen between them. "I'm just…really agitated and I don't mean to take it out on you."

"Do you want to talk about it?" James asked.

"No," Luke said his voice barely a whisper.

"Okay, that's fine," James responded allowing the silence to reign again.

"The clothes belong to me."

James turned at the sound of Luke's voice, and noticed that his friend had his head down again. He wasn't sure how long they had sat there in silence, but that didn't seem important. Luke was tracing the rim of the cup with his fingers, seemingly intent on making circles as he spoke.

"You said they did."

"I know," Luke breathed, before once more going silent. It seemed to James that he was trying to sort through something, and James knew that all he could offer at the moment was patience.

"The third DNA sample belongs to him."

That statement threw James for a loop, and he turned on Luke, his eyes wide as he readied the stream of questions in his head. He never got to ask those questions, for at that moment Luke spoke again.

"No one was ever supposed to find those clothes…I was supposed to get rid of them. Why didn't I get rid of them James?"

James wasn't sure what to say to that. He had a feeling that Luke didn't really want him to answer. Right now his role….his one task was to listen.

"Why was I so stupid…dumb enough to believe that I could have a friend? All I wanted was for someone to be my friend. I wanted someone to talk to…someone to share the ups and downs of relationships with and…god I'm so stupid."

"Luke," James said wishing there was something he could do to stop Luke's self hatred.

"And I shouldn't have hugged him. That only made it worse…I let him think that there was something more going on. He said I owed him something…and maybe he's right, maybe I did…"

"Luke…No," James said his tone stern, even though he knew it wouldn't do any good. Luke was beyond words at the moment…this was something he needed to get off his chest.

"He made me feel so…unclean…tainted, and the clothes were a reminder, an unpleasant…I just wanted to stop wearing the clothes and I wanted them out of sight. And Noah found them and now…"

James held his breath as he waited for Luke to continue. He knew it was coming…the final moment when Luke broke completely. It was only a matter of time. For his credit James was having a hard time wrapping his head around this, but all the puzzle pieces were sliding into place and it all made sense. Randy had hurt Luke in the worst possible way…that made James angry.

A gut wrenching sob escaped Luke's lips as he looked James in the eye. The sheer agony on his face was enough to splinter James' heart. "It's my fault James…it's all my fault. If something happens to Noah…if I'm wrong and he doesn't wake up from this…I should have gotten rid of those clothes."


	20. Chapter 20

It was a lot to take in, and he didn't really think he had time to process it. Not when his friend really needed his support. He never would have thought when he met Luke back in September that they would be sitting here like this. With Luke confessing something so huge that it literally took James' breath away. Of course he never would have thought that his and Luke's paths would have crossed outside of class either. That wasn't to say they wouldn't have become friends, Luke was a great guy he had thought so the first time they spoke. But the way things happened was nice, and James was glad that Luke had convinced him to go on that date in the first place. Now he had a great girlfriend, and two very good friends…one of whom was hurting very badly at the moment.

His eyes gazed over at Luke as he thought about all the scattered puzzle pieces he had collected since November. That was when the shift had happened; this change that seemed so drastic then was starting to make some semblance of sense. He was sure that the last time he had heard Luke mention Randy's name was that night…the night of the dinner party. He was certain also that Luke had been upset with Noah… The wheels were turning in James' mind and he didn't like the picture he was painting.

"Those were the clothes you wore the night we all came over." He wasn't really expecting an answer, but Luke nodded and seemed to pull himself further inward. "And am I right to guess that you and Noah had a fight?" This time his friend didn't answer, but James was learning a lot about reading people…Luke's eyes said it all.

"Noah thought I was upset because he hit him," Luke's voice sounded hoarse. James guessed he was willing himself to speak…as if he needed to say these things.

"Luke you don't have to tell me…" James interrupted. "I don't think you are truly ready to share that…especially not with me. But I want you to listen to me…okay?"

"Okay," Luke managed to whisper.

"It's not your fault that Noah is in the hospital. It's not your fault he was in the car crash, and thanks to you Luke he is going to live. You still believe that right? Right?" He repeated when he was met with silence.

"I want to," Luke said biting his lip.

"You have to, and you need to," James told him, placing a soothing hand on Luke's shoulder. He noticed that Luke was following his every movement with his eyes, and he wanted to make sure his friend knew he could count on him. "Noah is counting on you Luke, just as much as you are counting on him. And I know you won't let him down. It's exactly what you are doing though if you continue down this path. He wouldn't want you to blame yourself, you know that right?"

"I should have gotten rid of the clothes, James." Luke said shaking his head. "Noah found those clothes that I should have gotten rid of eons ago."

"No you shouldn't have," James interjected gently. "You needed those clothes and I think subconsciously you knew that. You knew that the day would come when you would tell and those clothes would be the evidence you needed. And I bet I can figure out how Noah found them?"

"How?" Luke asked looking curiously at James.

"I'm sure you would figure it out if you thought hard enough," James replied thoughtfully. "From everything you yourself told me about Noah, and all the examples you used about the two of you, I just bet you guys used the same hiding space or something. I mean you two seem so in sync, it sounds like something you would do.

"I never thought of it that way," Luke replied his brow furrowed. "We have used the same hiding places before," a smile crossed his lips momentarily. "It was the funniest thing when we realized that hiding something from each other would be a challenging feat all on its own."

"You said Noah went to get your surprise…" James reminded him quietly.

"Yeah…in the bedroom. And then he was there for a very long time…and the next thing I knew he had the duffel bag which I now know contained the clothes…"

"And the only way you are truly going to know why he had them is when you ask him. Because he's going to wake up."

"Will you remind me of that from time to time?" Luke asked, a sigh escaping his lips. "You really should become a doctor or something."

James laughed. "That's the plan, and I'd be happy to tell you as often as you need to hear it. Are you ready for Psychology 102? I hear those classes only get harder as the semesters go by."

Luke wasn't sure which part of that to deal with first. He hadn't realized James wanted to be a doctor, but that seemed irrelevant right now. He had been thinking about school for the past few days. The semester was set to start next week and he didn't think he could do it.

"I think I'm going to forgo this semester," He confessed, as he played with the now empty coffee cup."

"You can't do that?" James said adamantly. "There's no reason for you to stop going to school."

"Someone has to be here for Noah," Luke countered. "I can't do that if I am taking classes."

"I don't have to tell you how horrible Noah would feel if he knew you stopped your life because of him right?" James said crossing his arms in front of him. "You know he wouldn't want that for you."

"I know, but…" Luke started but James cut him off.

"No buts, Luke. You know as well as I do that time can't stand still no matter how much we want it to. Life continues to go on, and the only thing we can do is make the best of it. I know Noah is important to you, but I got the feeling that school was important to you too."

"I was kinda looking forward to that psych class," Luke said after a moment's pause. He let what James said sink in and he knew that his friend was right. "And I know Noah would want me to do it."

"And you can rearrange your schedule if you have to. Work it around the hours you want to be here with Noah. And then there's definitely nothing wrong with studying by his bedside. And don't forget, I'll be here. I have to intern for my dad this semester so I can check on Noah when you aren't around. Plus Ali works here, and your whole family will make sure Noah is okay. Maddie will do her part too while you aren't by his side."

"Yeah I know," Luke agreed.

"So what's the problem?" James interjected. He sensed something else was up.

Luke frowned. He didn't want to reveal what the real problem was. He wasn't even sure if it was the problem exactly…or just an excuse to keep him from doing what he knew he should be doing. He already wasn't returning to the station…could he really use Noah's current condition as an excuse here?

"Don't let him win, Luke," James said reading his mind. He looked at his friend and sighed. James was getting too good at reading his mind.

"What do you know," He said crossly. He turned away from those inquisitive green eyes and focused instead on the nurse at the front desk just a few feet away.

"I know you can't even bring yourself to say his name," James stated, keeping his tone even and sincere. "And I bet you aren't ready to put a name to what happened, even though others have. And I bet the sight of him makes you sick. Is that about right, Luke?"

The silence seemed to drag on forever before Luke spoke again. His eyes were downcast and he still wouldn't look at James as he spoke. "I know it happened almost two months ago…but for me it might as well have happened yesterday. And I know I shouldn't be this scared. And I know I shouldn't let him get to me so bad…but I can't help it. He broke me that day James…and I don't know how to get back from that. I don't know how to do it, and I need Noah." He looked at his friend, his eyes sad as he continued.

"I need Noah right now, in the worst way and he's not here. And I just don't know if I can do what needs to be done."

"Maybe you need to talk to someone about it," James suggested. "Sometimes it helps to talk to someone who isn't close to you. Someone who can help you sort through everything…you don't have to do this alone Luke. I know you are aware of that on some level, but I don't know much you believe it."

"DO you ever get tired of being right," Luke asked, a smile trying to peek through his tears.

"About as often as you do," James teased. "I'm serious though. You could talk to my dad…I'm sure he'd help."

"Why would I talk to your dad?" Luke asked frowning.

"Are you serious?" James laughed. He grinned at the look on Luke's face. "You didn't know my dad was a doctor?" Luke shook his head, even as he tried to remember if James had ever imparted that news to him.

"No wonder you're always interning here!" He said as a light bulb went off in his head. "Is your dad a psychologist?"

"Dad covers both sides of the spectrum" James said proudly. Psychology and Psychiatry. He's pretty smart, and pretty good at what he does."

"Well, now I see where you pick it up from," Luke said admiringly. "You'll make a great counselor someday."

James shrugged. "I don't think I will be half as good as my dad, but we'll see. Enough deflecting the subject though," he said getting the topic back on track. "Will you let us help you?"

Luke thought about it for a long moment. He didn't see how it could hurt to talk to someone. He trusted James judgment, and he needed to focus on something. As it was James had managed to keep him from thinking about Noah for a minute. And he did need to talk about it, needed to share his feelings with someone who wasn't so close.

"I guess I can give it a try," he said finally facing James once more. "It doesn't hurt to try."  
**

"I need you to help me make a decision, Noah," Luke said taking his customary seat beside Noah's bed. "I also have some bad news for you…well I guess it's not all bad depending on how you think about it."

He paused for a moment as he tried to order his thoughts. He decided to get his news out of the way first…then he would get to his question.

"I won't be here all the time after tomorrow," he explained as he took a hold of his partner's hand. "School is starting and I know you wouldn't want me to miss out on that. I'm still going to make sure I am here when I can be though. I can't stay away from your side for too long. It's not going to be the same without you, but I will be sure to share every detail…so you can feel like you are there."

Luke sighed as he thought once again about what going back to campus meant. He didn't want to mention it because it would upset Noah. At the same time he felt like he needed to talk about it…and he didn't know if he could do what he promised James he would do.

"I'm afraid, Noah," he admitted finally. "I'm so afraid of being on campus and that makes me angry. I shouldn't be scared to go to class. I shouldn't have to look over my shoulder or feel like I'm being watched. Maybe I am projecting…I just don't know but it just…" He sighed and rested his forehead on Noah's hand. "James thinks I need to talk to someone," he related with a heavy sigh. "He thinks talking about it with someone will help…but Noah I don't know if I can do it. I…don't want to talk about him to anyone."

That was the truth pure, simple and honest. He knew he had agreed to speak with James' dad, but he didn't want to talk about that or how it made him feel. The only person he wanted to talk to about it couldn't really answer him back.

"I will give it a try," He said after a lengthy period of silence. "I made a promise to James, and I know he only wants to help. I knew you would be able to help me figure that out, Noah. Hey did you know that James dad is a doctor? Okay that was a silly question. I'm sorry but I just found that out and I was completely shocked, even though I probably shouldn't have been. I…I really like James, Noah," he said after a moment's pause. "I think he's a really good guy, and he's really good to Maddie. I wonder though if I should really trust my instincts on this one. I mean, on one hand I think I can trust James but then on the other I want to be wary. I never seem to do a good job when it comes to picking friends. I'm afraid to let him get too close…but then I realize that he has done nothing to make me feel uncomfortable."

"I just don't want to get hurt again," he admitted finally. Not that I necessarily think James would do anything…I mean he has been very supportive throughout all of this. He even told off y our dad that first night." A small smile crossed his lips as he remembered James stepping in to defend him against the Colonel. "I think the Colonel looked really intimidated there, because he backed down. And truthfully I don't know what I would have done these past few weeks without James here. He's like a real friend, but…maybe I do need to talk to someone. I just need to sort all this out. And I need to let you focus on getting better…so I'm just going to lay here with you," he rested his head on Noah's arm and closed his eyes. "I don't want you to miss me too much tomorrow. Noah's steady vitals were his only response as he drifted off to sleep.

"I don't think I can do this."

James stopped and turned, as he realized Luke was no longer beside him. He walked back to his friend and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. "You'll be fine," He encouraged as he gently nudged Luke forward. "My dad won't bite and it's the first session so you guys don't have to get into anything intense today. He just wants to talk to you, get a feel for what kind of person you are…he just wants to help."

"Will you be there?" Luke turned to face him and James gave his shoulder a squeeze

"I'm sure my dad will want to talk to you on his own," He started, "but I'm sure I can stay for a few minutes if you really need me to."

"At least this once. Just don't tell Noah I was a big baby…okay?"

"Your secret's safe with me," James smiled as he knocked on his father's office door before stepping inside. "Looks like Dad stepped out but I am sure he will be back soon. Come have a seat." James ushered Luke into the office and gestured to the couch for him to sit on. He waited for Luke to settle down before taking the seat across from him. He figured it would be best if he didn't sit behind his father's desk. He didn't want to intimidate Luke anymore than he already was.

"What is he going to ask me?" Luke asked, catching James attention. "Are you sure he's not going to ask about that specifically."

"He can't ask about something he knows nothing about, Luke," James pointed out gently. "How about you start by talking to me. Will that help?"

Luke frowned, and James realized that he couldn't read the look in his friend's eyes. He wanted to help as much he could. First he needed to figure out how to start."

"Just talk, Luke," he said after a moment. "Don't worry about what you're going to say…don't think about it. Just say it."

"So, what do you think my name is short for?" The question took James by surprised but he smiled at Luke's effort.

"I don't know," he said with a shrug. "Lucas?"

"Not even close," Luke said shaking his head. "It's Luciano." His expression was wistful as he said it, and that gave James a direction to take the conversation.

"You don't sound too thrilled by that."

"That's what Noah calls me," Luke said smiling fondly. "Not many people call me that, and in fact I don't like the name. But there was just something so…nice about it rolling off Noah's tongue and well, I don't' mind at all when he calls me that."

"And what do you call him?" James asked curiously.

""Dork," Luke grinned

"That's cute," James laughed good-naturedly. "I'm sure there is a good explanation for that one, right?"

"Yes," Luke said smiling widely. "He's always doing something Dorky."

James laughed again and shook his head. It was nice to see that Luke was at least smiling. He decided this was the best approach; just getting him to speak about Noah seemed to relax him. "How did you and Noah meet?" he asked, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees. He placed his chin in his hands and gave Luke his complete attention.

"We met at WOAK," Luke responded, stumbling a little over those simple letters. He and I were interns there with Maddie. I remember I was a real jerk to him that day, because he was late for work.. So I threw a pile of papers at him and pretty much told him he needed to get them done yesterday."

"So you guys hated each other at first?" James inquired.

Luke shook his head. "No…it was just, tense I guess. After that first day, we got along fine. He connected with Maddie immediately. They both loved old movies and they just seemed to fit together."

James smile. "Maddie mentioned her relationship with Noah to me. She said it was complicated, but she's glad they are friends now."

"Did she tell you the whole story?" Luke asked with a sigh.

"No turning the tables, Luke," James said keeping his tone light. "Though I will answer this one. "She told me what she knew. I would imagine she doesn't know all there is to know about you and Noah and how it relates to her."

Luke opened his mouth for a moment but couldn't think of a word to counter that. He closed his mouth and shook his head. "You are too good at this," he said looking at James a few moments later.

James shrugged. "How did it start…when did it start?"

Luke sat back in his chair and got comfortable. He had a feeling they would be there for a very long time. "About two weeks after we met, Noah was helping me pick up some videos. I'm a klutz and I had spilled a whole box of them on the floor." He closed his eyes and smiled as he allowed himself to get lost in the memory. "It was just a simple touch. We reached for a video tape at the same time and, when I touched him…you know that feeling you get when you've rubbed your feet against a rug and then you touch something metal?"

"Yeah," James nodded. "I've done that a few times."

"That was how it felt when I touched Noah. It was like an electric jolt shot right through me and I just knew. I just knew I was in trouble because I had fallen for another straight guy."

"Another straight guy?" James asked.

"Yeah," Luke responded softly. "My childhood best friend. That one didn't go over so well."

"You don't have to tell me about that yet if you don't wish to, Luke. Go ahead and tell me what happened with Noah. So you were attracted to him even before he started dating Maddie?"

"Yeah…not that I ever told her that. I mean I didn't see the point, you know? He was unavailable. And I tried to deal with that by writing a script. It turned out to be our project for the summer. I can still remember Noah asking me who was my inspiration for it."

"But you didn't tell him it was him?" Luke shook his head, just as James heard noise at the door. His eyes made contact with his father's for a minute and he smiled. His dad gestured for him to continue what he was doing, signaling that he was doing a good job. James focused back on his friend and readied his next question. "What happened next, Luke?"

"Before or after I caught Maddie and Noah in bed together?"" Luke asked a hint of irony in his voice.

"That must have been awkward."

Luke nodded his head. "They were in Brandon…and I didn't even know they were in that room. I was looking for my friend and…well I think it was more awkward for them. I still at least had my clothes on.'

"That only heightened your attraction right?"

"It was a total crush by then," Luke confessed, his eyes still closed as he spoke. "He tried to apologize for it…he was thinking that I had a thing for Maddie. So I told him, and it was awkward after that."

"You told him you were gay?"

"Yeah. And then I ignored him…or tried to for the next few weeks. AT least I tried to. It didn't matter how much distance I put between us, somehow we got thrown together. And I couldn't shake this…this thing. And writing the script wasn't helping either. The feelings just intensified."

James folded his arms and sat back. Luke was completely relaxed now, and James figured he would tell him when he was ready to stop. "They became a couple around this time right?"

"Yeah…they were dating for a couple of weeks by the time I told Noah I liked him." Luke admitted.

"Why did you tell him?" James asked curiously.

"He asked why I kept ignoring him. He thought I hated him or something…and at that point I couldn't let him go on thinking that. Of course after I told him that, he decided he was going to go on a trip with Maddie."

"That seems strange."

"Yeah, it seemed strange to me too, Luke said still lost in the memories. "I tried to call him on that but he was insistent that it had nothing to do with me. So I left it alone. It just seemed so…sudden to me.

"How did things come to a head?" James wanted to know. "I mean Maddie still had no clue that you were attracted to Noah, and I'm guessing that Noah…"

"Noah was trying hard to keep the closet door closed," Luke stated, an amused expression on his face. "I knew the signs, because I had done that for completely different reasons. I think I realized that Noah might be into me completely after we went swimming at Snyder Pond. We had this intense moment in my grandmother's kitchen and…I don't know that electricity was back. And we probably would have shared a kiss that night, if Maddie hadn't walked in.

"And after that?"

"Things started getting crazy after that," Luke said opening his eyes so he could look at James. "There was so much tension there and he asked Maddie to stay in Oakdale instead of going away to school. It was like he needed to make sure he wasn't alone with me."

"That must have hurt a little," James commented.

"Yeah…it did, but I was more concerned for him and for Maddie. She was rebounding, and this thing with Noah was going so fast. She knew it on some level…but I don't think she wanted to admit it to herself. And Noah…he was hurting himself more than he could ever hurt me."

"Are you sure about that," James asked. He was sure he had sensed hesitancy in that response. This would be Luke's first step in admitting how he truly felt. Out of the corner of his eye, James noticed his dad slip away and he stayed focused on Luke.

"Noah was hurting," Luke said defensively.

"I know Noah was hurting, Luke. That doesn't diminish any of your pain though. How did you feel?"

Silence reigned for a moment, and James held his breath. He knew Luke would answer once he got his thoughts together.

"I felt…I felt rejected, and it hurt. It hurt so much and I wished that it would just go away. That the whole situation would just…not be there. But I swallowed those feelings because I know everything is not about me. And the next day I wanted to apologize for getting angry at both of them. I was completely out of line."

"And what day was that?"

"August 17th" Luke smiled. "The day Noah and I shared our first kiss."

James smiled. "I think that's a good place to stop then," he said standing to more towards his dad's desk. "You did good."

"I'm done?" Luke asked startled. This definitely wasn't his first time in a therapist's office but it seemed to go so easily. Talking about Noah was never hard.

"Yes, you're finished, Luke. The first session is always just a feeler. I think if we get you talking about the right things you'll be comfortable and ready to open up. Just from today you already confirmed what I already knew. You are an excellent friend to Maddie. You have a very big heart and you put yourself last. Plus when it comes to Noah your first impulse is to protect him. Is that pretty accurate?"

"I'd say that's a pretty fair diagnosis," Luke agreed. "I love Noah more than anything. It took some time but I got him to realize that, and I'm not letting go."

James came over to where Luke was sitting and squeezed his shoulder. "IF you keep remembering that Luke, I think you're going to be okay. "Your next appointment is next week at the same time."

"Would your dad mind too terribly if I just talked to you?" Luke asked?

"NO I don't think he will."

"I made it through the first session," he said taking a seat at his husband's bedside. "IT wasn't as bad as I thought it would be…and it definitely wasn't scary. I didn't get to talk to Dr. McPherson though. I talked to James instead and that made things a lot easier. I told him about us," Luke smiled as he reached for Noah's hand.

"He knows how we met and he knows everything up to the day you kissed me. I didn't realize I had talked for so long, but it was nice. Reliving some of those moments. Do you remember, I didn't even like you the day we met? I'm sorry for being such a jerk, I know it wasn't your fault you were late. We've come a long way since then, Noah and quite honestly I wouldn't change how things happened. I mean, I realized that as James was asking me how I felt about you trying to get away from me."

He paused for a moment, his eyes moving to check the vitals. He wanted to make sure Noah was still steady before he continued. "Watching you with Maddie constantly hurt a lot. I can admit that. But once I realized that your actions were more about your fears than about me, I knew I could get past it. And I had to think that somehow someway…we'd figure it all out. If I had one regret it would be that Maddie was in the middle. I didn't like hurting her and I know you didn't either. But I believe things happen for a reason, and knowing that gives me strength. Our next session is next week…and I will let you know how it goes. For now though, I need to study. I love you Noah."

"I don't see a problem with that, Son," Dr. McPherson stated as he sat behind his desk. James was sitting in the chair he had occupied earlier, and he had just finished explaining the basics of Luke's case to him. "You were very good with Luke today, and I think he is comfortable with you."

"Are you sure," James asked, a frown settling across his features. He wanted to make sure he was going about this the right way. It wouldn't help his friend if he steered him in the wrong direction.

"James, you have never given me a reason to be disappointed in you. You are a fine young man, with a very big heart. And each day you amaze me with how you apply everything I have taught you. I watched you for a little bit with Luke this afternoon, and you did all the right things. You got him to talk about something…someone who obviously is very important to him. That is the best way to get someone to open up. So I am certain that it would be in Luke's best interest if you were his primary counselor. I'm available if you need help though."

"Thanks, dad," James said a little embarrassed by his father's praise. "That means an awful lot coming from you. I think today with Luke was easy because it was all just about Noah. I don't think the next session will be as simple. You see the root of his issue comes into the story fairly soon…I just hope I can help him."

"And possibly help you as well?" Dr. McPherson raised his eyebrows at his only son.

"Dad, don't turn this around on me," James said trying hard to be indignant. He failed miserably and ended up turning away from his dad's intense gaze. "You don't play fair," he said with a laugh. "IF I wanted a counseling session I'd make an appointment."

Dr. McPherson's laugh was rich and full and it was a sound James loved to hear. "You haven't had to make an appointment in years, son. I'd be darned if you were going to start now. You know I've never wanted to make you feel like a patient."

"Yeah…but you had to, when it came to dealing with mom."

A heavy silence fell on the room at the mention of Mrs. McPherson, and James wished he had left that subject alone. It was never an easy thing to talk about. "So anyway," he said pushing their discussion back to the topic at hand. "I figure that I can have Luke come in for an hour every Tuesday and Thursday. I think he just needs to be able to sit and talk with no interruptions. And maybe just maybe that will help him cope."

His dad nodded his expression thoughtful as he twirled the pen in his hands. "You also may want to tell Luke that he needs to talk to his loved ones about whatever is bothering him. You can help him get to a place where he can. Did you say something about him having to talk to the police?"

"Yes, sir. They have evidence to discuss with him. I don't know if he is ready to go through that yet though."

"With your help he will be."

"He needs Noah to wake up," James admitted; "I think ultimately the only thing that will help him is if Noah opens his eyes."

"And until he does," Dr. McPherson said placing the pen down and looking his son straight in the eyes. "You'll be there to help as much as you can. I know you can do it, James. I taught you well. I just ask one thing."

"What's that?"

"That you don't neglect my future daughter in law," he winked at his son and chuckled at the appalled look on his face. "What? You are still planning on proposing aren't you?"

"I'm going to wait, actually," James admitted. "She's concerned about Luke and Noah, and we've both been trying to help. Besides school and everything else…but when the time is right I will ask her. I can't believe you are encouraging me."

"Maddie is a beautiful girl, and I am so glad that you found her. And I'm proud of you. Is that allowed?"

James smiled and shook his head. "You always find a way to turn the conversation back to me."

He laughed as his dad once more raised his eyebrows and looked at the certificates on his wall. "I can't wait until Luke meets you. I think you will like him."

"From everything you have told me I am sure I will. Now don't you have somewhere to be?"

James looked at his watch and immediately jumped out of his seat. "I'm running late. So I can use the office next Tuesday?"

"Yes, that will be fine. Now go, before your girlfriend starts to wonder where you are."

"Bye, Dad," James said rushing out the door. He came back and peeked into the office. His father was already looking over the notes on Luke's case. "Dad?" he said waiting until he had the man's attention. "I love you, and thanks."

"Darling."

"Just five more minutes, Grandma," Luke mumbled even as he felt the hand shake him gently.

"Darling, you wake up this instant. That is an order."

He jumped at the sternness in the voice and turned to see his grandmother sitting in her wheelchair with her arms crossed staring at him.

"Grandma," he said rubbing his eyes. He looked over at Noah, checking his vitals before turning his attention to his grandmother. "What are you doing out of bed? Is everything alright? You should be resting."

Lucinda waved a hand to hush her grandson, and placed a thin hand on his cheek. "I'm more concerned for you my darling. Why are you sleeping in a chair? That's not the best way for you to take care of yourself."

"Its okay, Grandma," Luke insisted. "I want to stay here by Noah's side. He needs to know that I am here."

"That's all good and dandy, my dear. I am very proud of you for wanting to stick by your boyfriend. But you must realize darling that you can't do him any good…not any good at all if you are running yourself ragged. You need to get some sleep. I will get you a cot in here post haste. It is the least I can do as a member of the hospital board."

"But…"

"NO buts," Lucinda interrupted. "I am putting my foot down on this one, Luke. You will have a bed, and you can hold Noah's hand from there. I am sure he feels your presence very well, yes? And he misses you when you are gone? Well you need to be nice and healthy so he is able to smile when he opens his eyes again."

"Yes, ma'am," he said resigned to the fact that his grandmother was going to get him a cot to sleep on. He supposed she was right, he did need to rest.

"You'll thank me for it in the morning," she said squeezing his cheek. He leaned in to allow her to kiss both his cheeks before she spoke again. "So how is your young man fairing? Is he any closer to waking? How many weeks has it been now?""

"Just about a month," Luke responded. It will be a full months this Friday. Dr. Hughes said his body is just healing itself, but when the time comes Noah will wake up. Others don't agree with Dr. Hughes but I do. I believe in Noah."

"OF course you do," Lucinda said seriously. "You love your boyfriend, and you have faith in him. That is as it should be!"

"Uh, Grandma" Luke said biting his lip and ducking his head. "There's something I kinda need to tell you…I just hope you won't be mad at me."

"What is it darling? I could never be mad at you."

"Noah's not my boyfriend anymore."

The shock on his grandmother's face was picture perfect. He wished he had a camera so he would be able to show it to Noah. "It's not what you think, Grandma."

"Well I don't know what to think?" Lucinda started. "You two do still love each other don't you? You were very worried about him on Christmas night."

"And I'm worried about him now too, Grandma. I love Noah more than life itself and I know he loves me. There's nothing wrong, our relationship just changed…that's all. "

"So this change is for good then?" Lucinda said tilting her head to the side as she scrutinized her grandson.

"Very good," Luke replied. "Not that we have had a lot of time to explore it. The past two months have been rather…rough but anyway, Noah and I are married."

"My word." Lucinda said in that voice she used when she was impressed. "Married?"

"We got married on November 10th….and that night we got the call that we needed to come home and well everything has been crazy since then so we never got a chance to tell everyone. You aren't mad are you?"

He watched as his grandmother looked at Noah, a soft smile crossing her lips. "Now he really needs to wake up, so I can welcome him properly into the family. And as for you young man," she said turning to face Luke once more. "I think you know very well when I am disappointed…does this look like the face of disappointed in you?"

Luke smiled, and gave his grandmother a hug. "I love you grandma."

"I love you too Darling and I'm proud of you. Proud of my handsome grandson for his courage. You do your family proud."

"I hope Mom and dad agree with you there," Luke said with a sigh. He tried to stifle a yawn but his grandmother was way too sharp.

"Your parents will be as happy as I am. But for now, I think we need to get that cot. You are exhausted, and I bet you have class tomorrow hmmm?"

"Yeah," Luke said yawning again, this time not trying to hide it."

"Then I will get the cot this instant. You just place it beside Noah's bed and that way you can hold his hand. And you know Young man that I will be checking on you and Noah periodically. I have to make sure you are getting your rest and keeping up your strength. I may have to stay in this place for awhile but I will not have you confined to a hospital bed again. Is that understood?"

"I'll be good, Grandma. I promise."

"I don't want to talk about him," Luke said shaking his head as he sat in Dr. McPherson's office. James was sitting in his same chair, his eyes intent on Luke. It was Thursday afternoon, and James was trying to guide Luke through his story, but they had hit a roadblock.

"You don't have to talk about him today, Luke…but you are going to have to talk about him."

"Why," Luke frowned and closed his eyes. He knew he was being stubborn but he just couldn't help it.

"Because he's a part of your history, as unfortunate as that may be, "James responded softly. "But we can focus on something else. Tell me about you and Noah getting married. How did that happen and why is it that no one knew until recently?"

A smile crossed Luke's lips. It was a sad smile, but James would take whatever he could get. He hated seeing his friend so out of sorts. "I remember Noah saying he wanted to do something, but it was a surprise," Luke started, sinking into the lovely memory. "We went horseback riding first…then we changed and I thought it was odd that he wanted us to dress up, but I was letting him lead. He asked me to marry him as we pulled up to this chapel and it was a really nice ceremony."

"But you didn't get to enjoy your honeymoon?" James asked curiously.

"Well….we kinda did until that night."

"What happened?"

"Dad called to tell me my grandma was in the hospital. I was so scared…I didn't know what to think and it was a good thing Noah was there. I was a wreck."

"You really love her."

"We had made a pact," Luke explained opening his eyes so he could watch James. "When we were both sick a few years ago that we were going to survive. We were going to beat our illnesses and she did it. She beat the cancer." He frowned and lowered his head for a moment. "Now the Cancer is back and she has to fight again."

"I'm sorry to hear that," James' voice was soothing and Luke took comfort in that. He smiled gratefully and decided he could continue with his story.

"Noah and I came right to the hospital when we got off the plane…and that's when I got sick. I ended up in the hospital too…and Noah insisted on taking care of me."

"Noah sounds like a great husband," James said smiling.

"Yeah, even though no one knew that. My kidney infection and Grandma's Cancer were top priority so it didn't even occur to either of us to mention that we had become husbands. Even though Noah did look into the Advanced Directives. Thank god he did that, though I had forgotten."

"That's why you have friends like Maddie and Ali to snoop around your apartment," James reminded him.

"There aren't a lot of people I can trust."

The statement took James by surprised, and he frowned as he gazed at his friend. "Are you talking about someone specific?"

Luke shook his head. He was deep in thought, staring at his fingers instead of looking into those perceptive green eyes.

"Who do you trust?" James inquired.

"Noah," Luke responded quickly. "And my dad…and Grandma."

"Is that it?" James asked, keeping his tone neutral.

"I want to trust you, James. I do…most times."

"But you're afraid of getting to close?"

"I'm not a very good judge of character." Luke admitted solemnly.

"Somehow I find that hard to believe," James countered.

"Noah knew," Luke's voice cracked and James' frown deepened. He wanted to ask a question, but he decided it was best if he let Luke talk. "Noah knew that he couldn't be trusted. He never liked him…but I tried to be his friend."

"I think that's a good place to stop, Luke," James kept his voice gentle as he turned off the recorder he had been using. "You did good, I think you just took your first big step."

"How do you figure that?" Luke asked with a sigh.

"You admitted that you don't trust your instincts," James explained. "Now we have a direction, and hopefully a way to help you with that."

"I don't know how much more of this I can take, Noah." Luke confessed as he rested his forehead against Noah's hand. "The past few weeks have been crazy. It's February now and I feel like everything is slipping away from me. I have been in therapy with James for the past three weeks now and he says we're making progress. But I think he's just trying to be nice. I don't feel like I know which way is up or down and I feel like I've talked about everything but what I should be talking about. I told James the truth about not trusting him fully and he told me that was okay. He understood why I felt that way, and I really, really want to trust him Noah. And I think I can, because you trust him. You have always liked James, and he's good to Maddie. And I've known him since September rand have had no reason to not trust him. He's been nothing but helpful, and he's a great counselor. And what's more is that he respects Maddie and he respects us too. James really is a good friend." Luke smiled and pressed a kiss to Noah's hand.

.

He heard a knock on the door and turned to see his dad walk in. Holden had been stopping by whenever he had the chance to check on his son. Luke couldn't help but notice that his father's usually bright blue eyes were grief-stricken and his expression grave. It sent a chill through Luke's heart and for a moment he wondered if his dad had bad news.

"Dad? Is something wrong with Grandma?"

Holden blinked as if he was coming out of a daze. "No, Lucinda's fine," he said when he noticed the frightened look on his son's face. "I just came from visiting her and figured I would check on you to make sure you were taking care of yourself."

"I'm hanging in there dad. I think this might be the month Noah wakes up."

Holden came and placed a hand on his son's shoulder and looked down at Noah. There was so much he needed to tell his son…and he knew he couldn't hide it from him.

"Dad? Are you okay?"

"Yeah. Would it be okay if I spoke with Noah for a minute? Maybe you could slip down to the cafeteria and get us some food."

"Yeah, sure dad. I'll be right back." Luke stood and kissed Noah's forehead before turning to give his dad a hug. "I'm glad you're here." he told him as he moved to leave the room.

Holden waited until he was gone before settling into the chair his son had vacated. "Hey Noah, it's your father in law, and I need you to listen to me okay? There are some things I have to tell you, and there is something I need you to do for me. I told you once that you could come to me if you ever needed someone to talk to. I still mean that, Noah. Now I will admit I was taken by surprise when my son told me you two eloped, and you never said anything. Of course I understand why it may have slipped your mind. There was so much going on when you returned home, and things just never stopped happening."

Holden paused in his speech to think about what he needed to say. He really dreaded telling Luke what was going on, but it needed to be done. "You aren't the only one who has been keeping secrets though…I've got a very big one that I need to share with Luke, and he's going to need you more than anything. So I'm asking you…begging you to wake up and be here for my son. He's being very brave, but I know what I have to say will break his heart and he's going to need you like he's never needed you before."

"You're a good man, Noah," Holden said after a moment of silence. I never doubted that, and I certainly don't doubt how much you care for my son. Now there is a new crisis he is going to need to get through, and as strong as he is, I think he'd be better off if he had you there with him."

"Dad?" Luke said catching Holden off guard. He turned to see his son standing in the doorway with a tray laden with food. "Did you have a nice talk, with Noah?"

Holden took the tray from him and placed it on the table. "Yes, we had a nice chat," He commented as he inspected the food Luke had brought up. "Do you have your meds so you can take them with your food?"

"Dad," Luke said folding his arms across his chest. "What are you not telling me? And don't say nothing, because I can tell when you aren't being straight with me. What's going on?"

"Your Meds?" Holden repeated. You have been taking them on time, right."

"Dad," Luke said exasperated. "You know I don't like it when you start treating me like a kid. You don't have to worry about my medicine regime. Trust me I have it down pat. Now will you please just tell me what's going on?"

Holden sighed. "I can't put anything past you can I" His son shook his head and Holden gestured for him to have a seat. Luke sat beside Noah, and took his hand, before turning his complete attention on his dad."

"Now can you tell us what's going on?"

"Your mother and I are getting a divorce."

"What? Why?" Luke said feeling like the wind had just been beaten out of him.

"It's time," Holden said frowning. "It's been a long time coming."

"But you guys were fine," Luke said slowly, his mind trying to process what he was being told. "Did this just happen over the last two months? You seemed okay when I came over the house for dinner and…I just don't understand."

"This has been going on for a while now, Luke. I've just had enough."

"Had enough of what?" Luke asked exasperated. "What aren't you telling me, dad? How does Mom feel about this? And the girls? Do they know? Does Grandma know?"

"Everyone knows," Holden said keeping his tone controlled. "Your mother and I have been separated but trying to work things out for months now."

"Wait, you were separated?" Luke asked, trying to remember when that could have happened. "They were very much not separated when he first brought Noah home in September. There was no way he would have missed that. And if they were indeed apart now how had he missed it? Was he that preoccupied with other things?

"That's why you didn't go to the party," he said as it dawned on him. "That's why you were home that night."

"Luke…"

"NO, dad, tell me the truth," Luke said cutting his father off. "Christmas, when we were all together like a family. That was an act too?" His head was starting to hurt and he didn't really want to think about this but he didn't feel like he had any choice. "Was this separation the reason you didn't go to the Christmas party?"

"Not completely, no," Holden said clearing his throat. Luke could sense that he was getting uncomfortable too, but that couldn't be helped.

"What's that supposed to mean."

"Your mother had another date."

Luke blinked and shook his head. "What?" he said needing to say something. He wasn't sure if he heard his father right. Did he just say that his mother had another date? "What do you mean?" he asked, even though he was sure he knew the answer.

"Just what I said," Holden stated. "I didn't go to the party because your mother took someone else."

"So she's having an affair?" Luke asked slowly. "Is that what you're trying to say? Because if it's an affair then all you have to do is win her back."

"It's too late for that Luke. Your mom made her choice."

He felt like he had been slapped, and his eyes watered instantly, but he wouldn't cry. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before facing his dad again. "You asked her to choose?"

"I did, I had to put my foot down Luke, and it was getting too hard. Your mom would say she wanted to work on us, but at the first sign of trouble she would run to Dusty…she's been with him since November."

"November," Luke said loudly. He calmed his voice when he realized he had upset Noah. "Before or after Grandma got sick?"

"I don't think that's really important…"

"Before or after," Luke asked interrupting him. He was really getting upset now, and he was still trying to piece together everything. His mom has chosen someone else over the family? Was that really true?

""Right before."

"So what you're saying is that there was no breakdown…no catalyst for her running to Dusty. It wasn't like you guys had a fight after Grandma and I got sick?" This was just something she wanted to do?"

"I know you want to find an excuse for your mom's actions, Luke."

"No," Luke shook his head. "I don't. I just want to understand how this could happen. You guys were good. Noah and I saw you, that day…when I first brought him over for dinner. You guys were happy…and all over each other. How did that change? When did that change? I just don't get it. Is mom just not…does she just not love us anymore?"

Holden didn't know what to say. He wasn't really sure how to explain Lily's decision. Especially since he didn't truly understand it himself. He went to give his son a hug, and was momentarily surprised when his son pushed him away.

"I want you to go." Luke said firmly. "Just get out of here."

"I don't want to leave you like this, Luke," Holden said frowning. "You certainly don't need any more stress."

"Too late," Luke said crossly. He sighed, knowing that he shouldn't be taking this out on his dad. "Look, Dad, I' just don't know what to feel right now. I just want to be alone with Noah, and deal with this another day…okay?"

Holden was reluctant to leave, but he knew his son well enough to know that he should. He reached out to place a hand on his son's shoulder but changed his mind. "Call me if you need me," he told him placing a hand on Noah's bed instead. "I'll check on you both tomorrow."

Luke dared not speak as his father left the room. His head was pounding, and he was reeling. He turned to look at Noah, and without a word rested his head against his husband's arm. His body shook with silent sobs as he grieved for his broken family. More than ever he wished that Noah would open his eyes. He just knew if he saw those sapphire gems then everything would be okay.

A nurse covered Luke with a blanket, and made sure that Noah was comfortable in the bed. She checked the vitals and made sure Noah's temperature was still normal. Her hands expertly smoothed out Noah's blankets and fluffed his pillows, before recording information on a chart. She quietly slipped out of the room just as a hand lifted slightly to rest on a shoulder, and a still pair of eyes opened and blinked before closing against the brightness.


	21. Chapter 21

It was bright when he opened his eyes; almost too bright. His eyes closed again and he struggled with the effort to open them once more. Ever so slowly his hand began to move, as if drawn by a magnetic force.

His fingers made contact with fingers that didn't belong to him. There was something about that touch that felt right to him…comforting, but he didn't know why. His hands traveled up an arm, to a shoulder. There was movement beneath his fingers and he opened his eyes battling the brightness to get a glimpse of the figure at his bedside.

His hand settled on a head of flaxen hair. It was soft and silky and again he felt like this was normal, but it just didn't make sense.

"Oh God, I'm not dreaming."

The voice that met his ears was rich and thick with emotion. He turned as much as he dared and found himself staring into brown eyes that appeared almost hazel in the light.

"Hi," he said blinking his eyes again as he tilted his head to the side. The man who sat before him looked familiar but he knew that couldn't be right. Surely he had never seen him before in his life. Yet he seemed so excited to see him. Why was that? Was he important to this man in some way? A brother, or a best friend?

"Is it too bright?" That voice reached his ears again. He managed a nod and watched as the man went to dim the lights. "I can't tell you how glad I am that you are awake," he said upon his return to the bed. "I was so scared; you've been in a coma for so long. The doctors were starting to wonder if you would ever open your eyes. I didn't give up hope though. I knew you would come back to me."

The statement bewildered him, for he detected such intimacy from those words. But that didn't seem right somehow. Nothing made any sense right now.

He tried to smile but he wasn't certain how well that worked. There was an innate sense that he didn't want to hurt this stranger. Even though he knew he was going to.

"How long…" he asked, trying to get the words out. His mind was full of questions but his voice didn't seem to want to cooperate. "I…was…for?" he frowned hoping that the stranger would somehow know what he was trying to say. He was trying to discern exactly what was going on. He felt like there was such a void…so much he didn't understand.

"Six very long weeks," the blond man answered the sadness clear in his voice. It made him sad as well. Who was this guy to bring forth such emotion in him?

"Six…" he repeated. "What…H…happened?"

There was a car crash," the blond explained. I don't know the details I was hoping you would be able to shed some light on that. You totaled your truck…they said you somehow went through the windshield. It was awful, Noah…I thought you were dead.

"Is …that…m…name?" he could tell the question took the other man by surprise, but he couldn't read the emotions flittering in those brown eyes. "And who are you?" he asked, feeling the need to rush through the questions. "I…feel Like should know you, but I don't know why. And you're looking…at me like I just broke your heart. I'm…I'm afraid I just don't get it. Please…help me."

Luke was overwhelmed with the emotions coursing through him at that moment. He didn't even know where to begin sorting through the debris that was his mind. Too many things were occurring to him all at once, and he was beginning to get a headache. Not that he could react. Everything he did in this moment would determine the next step…he just needed a place to start.

Noah was awake, that made him happy, ecstatic even. For day s now he had been sitting by Noah's bedside talking to him, touching him…and waiting for a sign that he was getting better. The vitals indicated that he was improving, and Luke held on to the hope that this meant he would wake up soon. He was more than elated that his husband had opened those blue eyes…but it made him sad too.

Noah was awake, but he didn't even know he was Noah. Luke was still having trouble processing that. He didn't even want to think about the fact that Noah didn't know him. He couldn't think about that now, not when those blue eyes were looking at him, pleading with him for help. It was his turn to be strong, his turn to help…Noah looked so scared.

"Luke," he said, his voice sounding scratchy to his own ears. He cleared his throat and tried again. "My name is Luke and you're Noah…do you remember anything at all? " He knew he sounded desperate and that certainly wasn't' what Noah needed from him right now. He sighed when Noah shook his head and it broke his heart to see sadness cloud those sapphire gems.

"I'm sorry," Noah said mournfully. "I wish…I could remember. You s…seem really nice and I feel like I should…" he paused and Luke turned to see what had caught Noah's attention.

The Colonel stood in the doorway, and he didn't look too happy. Luke sucked in his breath through h is teeth. This was not going to be pretty. Not in the least.

"I knew you couldn't be trusted," the Colonel sneered, glaring daggers at Luke.

"You don't know what you're talking about," Luke warned.

"The hell I don't," the Colonel raved as he came further into the room. "You're trying to poison my son's mind against me. I won't let you do it. Move out of my way. He's awake and you aren't needed here anymore."

Noah watched the new stranger practically shove Luke out of the way and that made him angry. "Don't touch him," he said projecting his voice as much as he could. "You have no right coming in here and putting your hands on anyone. I don't even know who you are, and if this is how you behave I don't even know if I want to."

Both Luke and Noah's father were taken aback by the outburst. And if not for the sudden beeping of Noah's vitals, the Colonel would have lashed back.

Luke immediately returned to Noah's said as the man started having trouble breathing. :"Noah, please you need to calm down. See what you did," he snapped at the Colonel even as he pushed the button ht would alert the nurse. Those alarms reminded him why he didn't like hospitals. He hoped Noah was okay...he just had to be.

"Why would he say such a thing?"

Luke looked away from the glass window and faced Noah's father. It was in rare moments such as these that Luke saw that Winston Mayer did love his son. It was just a shame that said moments were far and in between.

"Say what, exactly?" Luke inquired.

"That he didn't know me. I'm his father for goodness sakes."

Luke had his own theory on that one, but for now he would keep it to himself. "He doesn't even remember his name or who he is."

The colonel frowned and looked back at the doctors working on Noah. Luke could only imagine what the man was thinking. It wasn't easy to deal with the fact that someone you cared about didn't' even remember you. Luke wasn't sure how to react to it himself and the truth was he couldn't…not until he knew that Noah was alright.

"This is all your fault," the colonel's voice intruded on his thoughts. "I'm not going to let you forget that."

"I am so not going to get into this with you right now," Luke retorted shaking his head in disbelief. "You believe what you want…how is he?" Luke asked as the doctor stepped out of the room.

"Noah will be fine," Dr. Hughes assured him, placing a hand on his shoulder. "Besides the memory loss, his injuries are healing perfectly. He's asking for you, Luke. Make sure he relaxes and I'm going to keep him here for one more night. Then you should be able to take him home.

"Thank you Bob," Luke said gratefully. He took a hold of the doctor's hands and squeezed them tightly. "I can't even begin to thank you for all your help these past few weeks. I know that Noah's in good hands…just as he has been with you all this time." He was momentarily shocked when the good doctor pulled him into a hug.

"You're a good man, Luke," He said when he pulled away to look at him. "I have known you for years, and you never cease to amaze me with your courage. Be strong now, because Noah is going to need you to get through this tough time. Now get in there. I have other patients to attend to, but for you my door is always open."

"Thanks again sir," Luke smiled before slipping past him. He could hear the Colonel talking to Bob as he entered Noah's room, but he didn't pay attention to what was being said. His focus was on the brunet lying peacefully in the bed. The vitals were calm now, and Noah seemed to be relaxed.

"I'm sorry about that, Luke," he said as Luke took the seat beside him.

"You don't have anything to apologize for, Noah. You didn't do anything wrong. Are you all right?"

"I think so," Noah frowned. "Who was that man? Did he say I was his son? And why is he so mad at you?"

Luke signed. He had been waiting for that inevitable question. "That was your dad," he said, trying to resist the urge to take Noah's hand. He couldn't very well do that if Noah didn't remember them. "Colonel Winston Mayer, and he…we don't always see eye to eye." He had to be careful with what he said here. he didn't want to influence Noah's memories or thoughts on anything. IF Noah was going to recover, it needed to be naturally.

"You mean I'm related to that guy"" Noah wrinkled his nose. "Are you kidding me?"

Luke couldn't help the smile that crossed his lips. "Yeah, I can't believe it sometimes myself. But you are indeed Noah Mayer, son of Winston and Charlene. I can't tell you much more than that though."

"How well do we know each other?" Noah asked curiously.

"You and me," Luke asked wistfully. "That is an interesting question-"

"With a complex answer," Noah finished, frowning when he saw the peculiar look on Luke's face. "What?" 

"Nothing," Luke shook himself out of his reverie. "You just finished my sentence. You used to do that all the time." He sighed and tried to smile for Noah's sake. "But yes, it is rather complex. We've only known each other for eight months and-"

"It seems like much long than that," Noah said softly."

"Yeah," Luke expression was thoughtful as he looked into those sapphire eyes. It made him sad to think that Noah couldn't recall the moments they had shared. The last six months had been nothing short of tumultuous, but Luke had loved every moment of it. Even the awful stuff was bearable because they had each other.

"I didn't mean to make you cry."

Luke blinked and reached up to touch the wetness on his cheeks. "I'm sorry," He said quickly getting rid of the moisture. "I should not be thinking about myself right now. And you didn't make me cry, Noah. It's just been=" 

"Hard," Noah finished for him. "I don't know why I keep finishing your sentences, Luke. I just…I'm just so confused right now, but somehow you make sense. And if there is anything I can do for you to help…"

"Stop saying things like that before I fall in love with you…" Luke stopped as he realized what he had said and he wanted to scream at himself. How stupid was he to blurt that out like that? He felt idiotic and selfish all of a sudden. This just wasn't going to be easy. "I'm sorry," he said, averting his eyes from that gaze. "I shouldn't have said that."

"Were we…in…love?" Noah inquired hesitantly. "Is that how close we are?"

Luke was silent for a long moment as he tried to figure out what to tell him. On one hand, he couldn't tell him their history. Noah needed to remember that on his own. On the other hand, if he was going to take Noah home, Noah needed to know why that was the case…didn't he? Plus there was the obvious animosity between himself and the Colonel. Besides, telling Noah their relationship could maybe spark something…dare he hope for such a thing?

"Luke…answer me please?"

"We're married."

The words felt like a caress, both familiar and uncertain at the same time. Noah wasn't quite sure what he felt at hearing that. Though, it didn't seem wrong. "Married, huh," He smiled. "Wow, that's…"

"Amazing right?" Luke asked softly.

"Yeah," Noah agreed. "I…I wish I could remember you. I must've loved you a lot. Their eyes met for the briefest of moments, before Luke focused on the imaginary crease in Noah's blanket.

"Dr. Hughes said you could go home tomorrow. I have to pick up some clothes for you…from the apartment."

"You're leaving?" The sadness he heard in Noah's voice was enough to break Luke's heart.

"Only for a little while," Luke assured him. "I don't want to leave you Noah, but you need clothes."

"I feel….safer when you're here," Noah confessed. "I don't want to be alone."

Very gently Luke allowed his fingers to make contact with Noah's cheek. "You aren't alone, Noah," he breathed his voice trembling slightly. "I'm just afraid that if I stay in this room for one more moment I'll do something we'll both regret.

His fingers fell from Noah's face and he took a step back. "Will you at least wait until I go to sleep?" Noah asked, his fingers touching the spot where Luke's hand had just been.

"I can do that," Luke conceded.

"And you'll be here when I wake up?" Noah inquired.

"For as long as you want me to be." Luke sat by Noah's side and watched him until he fell asleep. He was just grateful that Noah was only sleeping this time, and that the next time he'd see him was just hours away. He closed his eyes and silently thanked God for giving him Noah back…and he prayed that the day would come when Noah would remember them and the love that they shared.

He was trembling as he entered the apartment. The emptiness hitting him hard like a brick. This was his home…Noah's home, and somehow he had to help his lover feel at home here. He just didn't know how he was going to do that.

The sound of the telephone broke through the quiet and Luke sighed as he went to answer it. A knot was forming in his stomach as he put the receiver to his ear. He didn't think he could take much more bad news. "Hello," he said hoping his voice sounded calm.

"There you are. I've been trying to get a hold of you. Did you forget to turn on your cell?"

"Dad?" Luke gasped and tried to swallow the sob that was caught in his throat. "I'm…I'm sorry I just got home, and I don't think I can deal with…what you told me. I just came to get clothes for Noah…"

"He's awake?" Luke could hear the relief in his father's voice and it only made him sadder.

"He woke up a few hours ago," Luke responded solemnly.

"What's wrong, son?"

Luke closed his eyes and collapsed on the couch. His dad's innate ability to know when he was upset was like a blanket he just wanted to wrap up in. "He's awake," he whispered, forcing himself to speak the truth…to make it real in his head. "But he doesn't remember me."

"Stay there," Holden said his voice calm and soothing as always. "I'm on my way."

The door was unlocked when Holden arrived and he found Luke sitting in the bedroom with his head down, a pile of clothes sitting beside him. Luke looked up when he saw the man in the doorway and immediately ran into his arms. He felt like a small child again, but he didn't care. He needed to feel his father's strength…he needed to let go.

He cried, as he related the story to Holden. He told him everything from those first moments when he realized Noah didn't even know himself, to the accusations the Colonel threw his way.

Holden listened to his son's words, and tried to comfort him the best he could. This was not going to be an easy situation, but he didn't doubt Luke could handle it. "You and Noah can get through this, Luke," he told his son once the well of tears had dried up.

"I want to believe that, Dad. But I don't know how to do this."

"You support Noah the best you can," Holden advised. "He is going to need you more than ever now. You said he feels safe with you, even though he doesn't remember you or your relationship. That's a very important thing, Luke. Some part of him remembers your connection, and you are probably the only one who can help reacquaint him with his life."

"Was it this hard when you couldn't remember?" Luke asked, rubbing at his red eyes.

Yes it was difficult. You were born during that time, in fact. It was very difficult for your mother, me and the family. You have an advantage your mother didn't though. Noah feels comfortable with you. Something about you is drawing him in. I think you will be the only one he trusts for awhile. You need to be strong for him Luke. Be his friend, be patient and don't push. And when you need to break down, son, you know I'm here for you."

"Thanks Dad, I know," Luke said wearily. His head was resting against his father's chest and he closed his eyes giving into exhaustion completely.

"What do you mean he was checked out?" Luke exclaimed, his fist clenching as he railed at the nurse in front of him. "Who gave the order for him to be released? And why wasn't I contacted?"

"I…I wasn't on duty, Mr. Snyder," the nurse stammered. "I was just told that the patient was discharged into his father's care."

"But he shouldn't have been," Luke sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He wished Alison was around but it was her day off, and James was with his father and Maddie…she was in class. He didn't want to call his dad again, and he knew he was going he was going about this all wrong. it wasn't the nurse's fault. "I'm sorry, Connie. I didn't mean to take it out on you. And haven't I told you time and time again to just call me Luke? Mr. Snyder just seems too formal around here. And besides that's my dad."

The nurse relaxed and allowed a smile to cross her lips. She liked Luke, and thought that his devotion to Noah Mayer was touching. She had overheard Luke's admission that he and Noah were married and she wished there was something she could do to help.

"I wish I could believe that, Connie," Luke frowned. Can I see the discharge papers please? I would imagine there are some things I need to know." The nurse nodded and told him she would get the doctor to explain everything to him. Luke collapsed into a chair and placed his head in his hands.

So many things were running through his head at the moment. The incompetency of the hospital staff notwithstanding, he was more concerned about Noah. It had been hard enough for Noah to wake up in the hospital not knowing anything. Now he would have to do it again, and he would be scared. Just thinking about it made Luke want to scream. How could the Colonel be so daft? This was certainly not the time to play the "save my son" game. Luke was sick of this nonsense.

What was worse was that now he had broken a promise. He wasn't going to be there when Noah woke up. Luke sighed and stood when he heard footsteps. He immediately lashed out at the doctor who stood before him. He briefly thought that his grandmother would have been proud of how he ranted abut not following protocol.

What seemed like hours later he was in his car headed for the Lakeview. He just knew that was where the Colonel had taken Noah. All he could think about was his poor husband waking up surrounded by strange things. He knew that was likely to happen, just about anywhere but…he sighed, letting that thought trail off. This was getting ridiculous.

"Where's Luke?" Noah felt like he had asked that question a million times already and his head was starting to hurt. "And where am I? Why am I here, and what do you want from me?" His voice was scratchy and he felt like he was about to lose it. He swallowed a couple of times, hoping that would help, but his entire mouth seemed so dry.

The man, who Luke had told him was his father, didn't seem like he wanted to answer any questions, and for some reason that scared him more than anything. He had hated waking up in another strange place…with Luke not there. It just didn't' make sense to him. "Why won't you tell me where Luke is?" he asked desperately.

"Because it would be best if you forgot about that boy," the man answered sternly. Noah furrowed his brow and watched warily as he was approached. Why would he say such a thing about Luke?

"Why," he said pausing to clear his throat again. "Would you say something like that? Confusion was clear on his face as he looked at the stranger. "Luke has been nothing but kind to me, and you shouldn't talk bad about him?"

"I am your father, Noah," the colonel snapped, but Noah wasn't fazed. "You will do what I say. That boy has done nothing but cloud your senses for months and I won't let him do it anymore."

"But he's my…husband," Noah said simply. The word sounded strange but right rolling off his tongue. He couldn't remember Luke at all, but there was just something about him that seemed natural. He wasn't expecting the slap across the face, or the flash of anger he saw in those eyes and he recoiled from it. "What is your problem," he exclaimed, holding his cheek as he distanced himself from the man.

"I will not have you uttering that sinful nonsense while you are under my roof," the Colonel demanded.

"Fine," Noah shot back. He paused once more to swallow. "As soon as Luke gets here, I'll leave. I don't remember you anyway and I doubt you had a right to take me out of the hospital."

"I am your father," The man repeated. "I have every right. And if I have anything to say about it you won't ever see that Snyder boy again."

Noah frowned as he tried to place the name Snyder. Who was he talking about? They had been talking about Luke a minute ago. Were Luke and this Snyder the same? He would have to ask Luke. He wished Luke was there at the moment.

"Why are you so mean," he asked the man who was supposed to be his father. "And what did Luke ever do to you?"

"That thing has been a thorn in my side since the day I met him," the Colonel spat angrily. "He's probably poisoned your mind against me already, and I'm not going to tolerate that."

"Actually," Noah said after a moment of tense silence, "Luke said the two of you don't always see eye to eye." His throat seemed to want to close up on him but he struggled to get the rest of his words out. "He…he didn't elaborate on that though. I imagine it has something to do with me, but I really don't know."

"I find it hard to believe that that's all he told you," the Colonel insisted. "He's always tried to make me out to be the bad guy. He's no good for you; you picked up a lot of bad habits from him."

A loud knock on the door stopped Noah from responding to the man's words.

"Colonel you better open this door right now, or I swear to God I'll break in."

"You want to add breaking and entering to your list of crimes," the Colonel sneered.

"Noah?" Luke called. "Are you okay? I'm sorry I wasn't there when you woke up."

Noah Glared at the Colonel and slowly tried to get up so he could let Luke in. His heart had skipped a beat at the sound of Luke's voice and he wondered if he was already starting to get a crush on the man. I'm coming, Luke," His voice rasped. "Just give me a minute."

"Noah, y ou shouldn't' be moving so much," Luke's voice was laced with worry.

"It's okay," Noah said clenching his teeth. "I can do it."

"Don't answer that door, son," the Colonel barked, even as Luke went to see if he could get the Master Key. There were perks to being the son of a hotel owner.

When he returned to the door he could hear the Colonel's loud voice, followed by Noah's softer het scratchy and stern retorts. He felt a sense of pride that Noah was standing up to his father, even if right now Noah didn't understand how important that was.

"Stay away from me," he heard Noah' yell as he opened the door. "I don't want you to touch me."

Luke gasped when he spotted Noah sitting in an awkward position on the floor. He glared at the Colonel and went over to kneel beside Noah. He ignored the Colonel's protests as he helped Noah to his feet. "Just lean on me, Noah. It will be okay."

"Where do you think you're taking him," the Colonel snapped.

"If I were you, sir, I'd quit while I was ahead," Luke challenged. "You had no right to take Noah out of the hospital. And you're lucky I'm not going to press charges. But if you ever do something like that again, I won't be so nice."

"Who do you think you are threatening me? You can't keep me away from my son."

"I'm not going to fight with you, Colonel," Luke sighed. "IF Noah chooses to see you that's his decision. Not yours and not mine. Right now though, I am going to take him home, and if you would like time with him, you will go about it the right way." Luke led Noah out of the room and away from the colonel, once again ignoring his tirade. He knew he would have to deal with the man later, but for now his concern was Noah.

"We live here?" Noah asked as Luke unlocked another door.

"No…" Luke responded even as he led Noah inside. "We're just borrowing this room for a moment.

"We can do that," Noah asked startled. He coughed as he tried once more to clear his throat. "Thank you," he said as Luke lowered him onto the bed. "I probably shouldn't be talking so much either. My voice sounds like its disappearing and my legs…"

Luke's finger touched Noah's lips to shush him, and he allowed it to stay there a moment longer than he should have. "You do need to rest your voice," he said keeping his tone neutral. "Your vocal chords aren't used to so much activity. And you shouldn't have been walking or trying to walk. Your legs aren't strong enough yet."

"I'm sorry," Noah frowned and Luke sat down beside him. "I didn't know…"

"You are not responsible for the things your father does," Luke soothed. "You'll just need a wheelchair for now, and your voice will come back gradually."

"My memory won't be that simple though, right?"

"The doctors seem hopeful that y our memory will return in time, Noah. There are exercises and tests that can be helpful but…it's up to you. I want you to remember, but I'm just glad you are awake for now. I was so scared and…"

"Lost?" Noah asked, his voice barely a whisper.

Luke nodded and forced himself to look away from those blue eyes. Getting lost in their depths was certainly not going to help him right now.

"This is weird," Noah sighed. Luke looked at him again, immediately noticing the perplexed frown etched across his features.

"What?" Luke asked.

"I feel like a blank book," Noah explained slowly. Like the story of me was erased or ripped into shreds of something…and I don't know how to find the pieces. Let alone put them together. And why are you smiling at me?"

"No reason," Luke responded softly. "YOU just never cease to amaze me."

"IF you say so," Noah said bashfully as he shrugged his shoulders. "What do we do now?"

"That's a very good question," Luke said thoughtfully. "Part of me wants to take you back to the hospital so that Dr. Hughes can check you out."

"But I'm fine, now that you are here," Noah insisted. "I just want to go wherever home is. And figure out things from there."

"Okay, then we can do that. I have everything you will need in the car…I even have the wheelchair, and I am grateful that we don't have to climb stairs to get to our apartment."

Noah opened up his mouth to speak but decided on a smile instead. Luke had said he needed to rest his voice. Luke helped him up once more and they left the hotel room. Luke sat him in a wheelchair when they reached the lobby and they headed out to what he presumed was Luke's vehicle. His eyes were trying to take in all the things around him. Nothing, not one single item sparked a memory and he felt a little disheartened.

"Here we are," he said as he wheeled Noah inside. "Home sweet home." He watched as Noah looked around curiously, as if he thought something would help him regain his memory in an instant. "Don't try so hard, Noah," Luke warned softly. "Your memories will come back…when they are meant to. I think for now though that we need to figure out the sleeping arrangements, and how things are going to be for the next few days."

"What do you mean?" Noah said turning to face Luke in his chair. He frowned, his voice still sounded weird even though Luke had made sure he had something to drink.

"Well, you may know the nature of our relationship," Luke explained, "but I don't want to confuse you or anything by being…to close. And I don't mind sleeping on the couch."

"NO Luke, I don't want to kick you out of…out of our bed."

"But you need it to heal," Luke insisted. He didn't know why he was making such a big deal about this. he and Noah weren't sleeping together…but he has clung to Noah for comfort in the days leading up to the accident. He couldn't do that now. Noah wouldn't be able to ward off his bad dreams. It was better if he moved back out to the couch…he would be able to keep an eye on Noah and also keep from wanting to wrap himself in Noah's strong arms.

"Are you sure?" Noah asked, pulling him back out of his thoughts. "I…I feel bad for causing so much trouble."

"IT's no trouble, Noah," Luke insisted. "I'd do just about anything for you. "We'll have to figure out a schedule for the days to come though. I am going to skip classes tomorrow…but next week I have to go back. And someone has to take you to your appointments."

"I have to go back to the hospital?"

"Dr. Hughes set up an appointment with a physical therapist…your…Colonel Mayer really shouldn't have taken you out of the hospital the way he did. There was a lot I needed to get straightened out when I got there"

Noah frowned. "He doesn't sound very nice. Does he always cause trouble for us?"

"That's a long story that we are not going to get into today. I will tell you that I only met the man in October…but," Luke shook his head letting that thought trail off. "I'm going to get you situated. I was told that you need to rest and let your body heal. I am sure that fall today didn't help…and if you feel any discomfort tell me, and I will get you back to the hospital okay?"

He felt tired all of a sudden, but he managed a nod as Luke helped him get ready for bed. It felt strange yet right for them to be this close and he wished he could remember something…anything about this man who wanted to take care of him. His eyelids were getting heavy, even before his head hit the pillow. Still he managed to look up at Luke, who was fixing his blankets and making sure he was comfortable. "Good Night Luke. Thank you for taking…" the rest of his sentence was lost as he was overcome with sleep.

Luke stood for the longest time just watching his husband sleep. It was a bittersweet moment for him. Suddenly he was thrown back into a world of uncertainty and this time he didn't know how to escape it. Noah was home, Noah was safe…and more importantly he was just sleeping this time, just sleeping and his eyes would open and Luke would be able to talk to him and have him answer back.

Yet it wouldn't be the same, and he knew it as sure as he knew his name. Noah didn't remember him. Noah didn't know the intricacies of their life together…Noah didn't know anything about his own life. Luke wasn't sure how to deal with it all. Things were a little more complicated and he wished he could talk to someone about it.

He hated to leave Noah alone, but he knew he needed to get out of there. He backed out of the room, closing the door enough to allow Noah privacy, but leaving it open enough that he could hear him if he woke up. He settled down on the couch and pulled out his cell phone. It was just after 5, but it seemed so much later to him. It had already been an extremely long day. He frowned when he realized he had missed a few calls.

Maddie, James, Ali, Aaron…his dad, there was even a call here from his mom. He had been so focused on Noah that he hadn't even stopped to think about telling everyone about the fact that Noah was awake. He didn't even want to deal with that at the moment. He turned off his cell phone and reached for the house phone instead. He dialed a familiar number and placed the receiver to his ear.

"Hey…you think you can come over. I'm at home and I just really could use some company."

"Thank you for coming," he said as he closed and locked the door. He turned to face his friend who was shrugging out of his coat.

"You sounded upset over the phone."

Luke opened his mouth to speak but realized he really didn't know how to answer that. He shook his head and bit his lip feeling uncertain about how to proceed.

"Luke?"

"I need a hug," Luke said even as he approached and wrapped his arms around the man who stood before him.

James was taken aback, but he wasted no time in offering Luke the comfort he needed. He hugged him back, holding on just enough to hopefully give Luke some comfort. He hated seeing his friend hurt like this.

"Now are you going to tell me what's wrong?" James asked as he handed Luke a glass of water. He had insisted that Luke relax and let someone else do something for him.

Luke sighed as he took a sip of water. it felt good sliding down his dry throat and he smiled gratefully at James who was no sitting on the far end of the couch. "Thank you, so much for…for just being here."

"What's wrong, Luke?" James asked, gently.

"I just didn't want to be alone," Luke admitted.

"But you aren't alone," James countered. "Isn't Noah in the other room?"

"He's sleeping," Luke replied. "He…he had a long day."

"When did he wake up?"

"Yesterday morning." Luke finished off his water and sat twirling the glass in his fingers. He still wouldn't look up at James.

"Is that why you missed class and our session?"

"I'm sorry James," Luke looked up and shook his head at his friend. "There was just so much going on, and everything slipped my mind when Noah opened his eyes. I just…my dad had given me bad news and then Noah woke up and then there was more bad news and then Noah's dad upset him and I was worried that something else was going to happen and…"

"Slow down Luke," James interrupted Luke's flow of words. "You aren't on trial here. I'm your friend, not a judge," he smiled to emphasize his words and was relieved when Luke seemed to relax. "That's better. Now slow down and tell me what happened."

"I don't know where to start?" Luke sighed. He placed the glass down on the table and ran a hand through his hair. Now that his hands were empty he found he didn't know what to do with them. He picked up one of the couch pillows and wrapped his arms around it, his chin resting on top as he closed his eyes for a moment.

"Don't worry about where to start. You sound like you really need to talk, and I'm here to listen. I'm sure by the time we're finished you will have said all you need to."

Luke took a moment to glance back at his bedroom door. He was tempted to check on Noah again, but thought against it. He would hear him if something was wrong…and getting up would only be avoiding the inevitable. He returned his gaze to James who was waiting patiently. "My parents are getting a divorce," he said his voice sounding monotone to his own ears.

"I'm sorry to hear that," James replied. "Was that the bad news you learned right before Noah woke up?"

"Part of it. I didn't even know they were separated."

"What was the other part?"

"My mom…she's having an affair."

"And how does that make you feel?"

There was a pause as Luke tried to articulate what he was feeling. There was a whole myriad of feelings coursing through him at that very moment. "I'm hurt," he said finally. "And, sad…angry, but not really surprised."

"How come?"

"Because it wouldn't be the first time my mom's had an affair," Luke replied squeezing the pillow tighter. "I…I should be used to this by now. I've seen them both through so many affairs, but they usually ended up back with each other."

"And you don't think that will happen this time?"

"She made a choice James," Luke exclaimed, fiercely throwing the pillow across the room. "She chose to be with him instead of our family. She chose someone else over…" he closed his eyes and clenched his fists, trying to control the torrent of emotion he was feeling. It didn't' seem to be working.

"Do you blame yourself for this, Luke? Do you somehow think that you caused it?"

Luke shook his head. "I don't think it's my fault this time. I just…Never mind James, it's dumb."

"Your feelings aren't dumb, Luke. Or stupid or any other adjective you come up with. They are reall and apparently you have felt them for a while. So tell me."

"I don't have a right to feel this way," Luke said exasperated. "I should not be this angry at her or this upset but I am. I am not a kid anymore; I should not feel like my mother left me."

"But you do," James said softly, realizing he had hit on something important. "You've felt abandoned by her time and time again. And that's why you didn't list her as one of the people you trust completely."

"Why do you always do that?" Luke asked breaking the silence that had fallen after James' statement.

"What did I do?"

"You get me to admit things, I don't' think I've ever admitted to anyone," he said softly. "I don't think my dad even gets it completely, and I've definitely never told Noah that."

"You should," James said thoughtfully. "You shouldn't be afraid to share anything with Noah. And if you ever do need someone to talk about things…abandonment issues are right up my alley."

Luke met those green eyes head on, and he was sure he saw sadness there. "That works both ways, okay James?"

James nodded. "Perhaps one day I will take you up on that, but for now…can you tell me what else is wrong? You said there was more bad news…something about Noah?"

"Noah has amnesia."

"Oh," James said taken completely by surprise. He could have thought of many things that would be worrying Luke right now…and Noah possibly having amnesia had not been one of them. "He doesn't remember you?"

"He doesn't remember anything," Luke clarified. "Not even himself, his father and especially me." Luke frowned. "Though for some reason he can finish my sentences and he gets very protective of me pretty quickly. But he doesn't remember us…James. He doesn't recall falling in love with me, and any of the moments that we've shared, or the fact that he proposed to me in Las Vegas...Though I did tell him we were married."

"And he doesn't remember what happened to you," James supplied when Luke fell silent.

"Yeah…and since he doesn't remember that, I'm back to sleeping on the couch. I don't know what to do, James. Noah's amnesia; puts our entire world in a tailspin. I mean he can't work right now. I've got school and somehow I have to find a job so that we can have some money coming in until he gets back on his feet again."

"You worry too much," James stated lightly. "I think right now you need to focus on what you can control."

"I don't know what that is though?" Luke admitted. "I mean what if he never remembers? What if he is stuck in this place where he has to learn everything all over again? And what if his dad tries to convince him that he doesn't belong here with me? What if despite the fact that I have the right to be Noah's number 1 the Colonel finds some way to go against me? I don't want to lose Noah. I can't lose him, James. Do you get that?"

"Noah's father is a jerk," James pointed out firmly. "But he can't take Noah away from you. And you said yourself that Noah feels like he is connected to you somehow. He trusts you, Luke. Not his father, and that's very important to remember here. You are the one Noah turns to. You will be the one he seeks out for advice and answers. That's all you. And you know, he fell in love with you once, who's to say it couldn't happen again."

"Thank you, James. I needed to hear that."

"And you need to let your family and friends help you," James continued. "You aren't alone here, Luke. Let us help you with Noah. Perhaps between your dad and me we can help get Noah to his doctor's appointments and such. And I know your family is huge. Don't be afraid to learn on them. And you know Maddie and I are here for you. You are allowed to ask for help, Luke. There is no shame in that.

"Maddie," Luke sighed. "Yet another person I have to tell. "

"Tomorrow, Luke," James said smiling at his friend. "You can do all of that tomorrow. Right now you need to focus on Noah and take care of yourself."

"Okay," Luke said letting out a heavy sigh.

"And the next time you feel overwhelmed, don't hesitate to call me."

"You might regret that," Luke said managing a laugh.

"I doubt it," James said thoughtfully. "I'm going to leave you to get some sleep now, though. And don't worry about class, I will cover you, and bring any homework over tomorrow. Today will satisfy as your session so you have the whole day to focus on Noah. He needs you more than anything or anyone right now."

Luke hogged James good bye, and thanked him again for being such a great friend. He promised that he would talk to Maddie in the morning and swore he wouldn't back out of another session. He locked the door behind his friend and leaned against it for a moment, his eyes closed as he tried to control his breathing. This would be the first official night back at the apartment, and once again he would be on the couch. He didn't tell James, but he was terrified that he'd be bombarded with thoughts of what happened three months ago.

"I can do this," he said pushing away from the door. "It's going to be okay…I'm stronger than him. I'm stronger." He tried repeating that mantra as he returned to the bedroom to change into his pajamas. He grabbed a blanket and a pillow and after checking On Noah once more, he headed for the living room.

It had been a long day. Tomorrow was likely to be even longer, but for now he wanted to close his eyes and think about his husband who was lying in the next room. He wanted to dream about the day that Noah would remember him and everything about their life together. He wanted to be rested and ready for whatever new challenges tomorrow would bring. But as he drifted off into the land of sleep, he had a feeling that what he wanted was impossible.


	22. Chapter 22

He jumped when the hand touched his shoulder and he turned to see Noah smiling down at him.

"Noah," he said sleepily as he sat up. You shouldn't be up…are you okay?"

"I remember," Noah said his hand reaching out to caress Luke's cheek. Luke watched as his husband kneeled on the floor and dared not speak…was it true?

"W…what?" he asked as Noah continued to gaze at him. Those fingers, soft and tender were caressing his face and Luke could hardly breathe.

"I remember everything, Luke," Noah continued in that voice that made Luke tremble. "I know that you are the love of my life and I love you."

"Noah," Luke started before those lips touched his and his body tensed instantly. It was a jerk reaction. He wanted Noah's kiss…but something…this seemed different somehow…it seemed wrong. His hands went up to press against Noah's chest, determined to push him away.

"You can't deny me, Luke," Noah said as he bit Luke's lip and deepened the kiss. Luke felt like he was suffocating, and he pushed harder on Noah's chest wanting him to stop, but not able to communicate it. Noah's hands slipped away from his face and begin to tug at his pajamas. The kiss which had started off sweet had turned rough and demanding. Luke tried again to push Noah away, managing to break free from the clinch for a moment.

"Stop, Please, stop," he gasped before Noah captured his mouth again. He could feel himself being pushed down against his will, and the hands that now touched his skin felt nothing like the gentle touch of his Noah. He was in full panic mode by the time his back hit the couch and Noah was tugging down his pajamas.

"I told you we'd be together again." Luke's paled and closed his eyes, as he tried once more to make him stop. "It was only a matter of time, Luke. You're mine as it should be."

"NO, No NO NO!" Luke screamed as he began to squirm under the body pressed against him.

Noah hadn't known what to expect when he came into the living room. He was moving slowly…hobbling as he maneuvered through the dark wanting to get to Luke. He had heard crying…screaming? And it concerned him.

"No…NO…NO…" he heard Luke's muffled cries from the couch. He went to him as quickly as he could and reached out to touch the other man's shoulder. Luke jumped at the touch and sat up, his whole body shivering as he looked around. Noah frowned, his eyes weren't open. Luke was still sleeping but he was seeing something.

"Luke," Noah questioned as he tried to shake him awake. "Luke, open your eyes. Come…on… you're scaring me."

Noah was relieved when Luke's eyes opened a few minutes later. He watched as Luke blinked and looked around as if he was trying to piece together where he was. He kept his eyes on Luke's face, watching as he relaxed and started to take deep calming breaths. Noah wished he knew what was going on. Was this something that had happened before? Was it normal for Luke to have bad dreams? He hated that there was so much he didn't know about this man…things he should know.

"Are you alright" Luke asked a frown settling on his lips as he looked at Noah. "You look like you're in pain…do you need to sit down?"

Before Noah could answer Luke was up, lowering him down to the chair. Noah was in awe of this man. Luke was the one who had apparently had a terrible dream, yet he was more concerned that Noah was hurting.

"Luke, I'm…I'm fine," Noah said reaching out to pull Luke down beside him. "I'm okay…I only got up to get something to drink, and I heard you…and I didn't know what else to do so I tried waking you up. You sounded like you were having a terrible dream."

"I'm okay," Luke said shaking his head. "Really…it was just…don't worry about me Noah I'm more concerned about you. "Are you sure you're okay? What time is it?"

"The clock said 1 am." Noah responded with a shrug. Luke groaned.

"I guess I won't be getting any sleep tonight. Do you still want that drink, Noah? I can get it for you, whatever you want."

"I can wait until morning for that, Luke. You look exhausted, and you haven't been able to sleep. I…I know that I don't remember you…like that but if you need me to help you sleep I would be more than happy to oblige…even if I don't understand why. "

"You'd do that for me?" Luke asked, even as he tried to figure out a way to decline Noah's offer. He didn't want to impose like that, and it wasn't right. He couldn't ask this of Noah…no matter how much he wanted…needed comfort. "You wouldn't be comfortable out here, Noah. It's okay…I can fall back to sleep on my own."

He could tell by the look in Noah's eyes that the man was not convinced. It was strange for him to stare into these eyes and try to read them. It wasn't his Noah that was staring back at him. He was a stranger who somehow was still connected to him. This man trusted him, and Luke guessed that had to be enough for now.

"It's okay Luke. I want to be here if you need me." Noah stated as he shifted on the couch to make himself comfortable. He pulled Luke into his arms. Luke tensed up for the briefest of moments before relaxing into the embrace and Noah moved his fingers instinctively to Luke's hair. IT didn't take long for Luke to succumb to that touch. His eyelids were heavy, and he felt warm wrapped in Noah's arms. Noah's fingers felt good in his hair, and he realized how much he had missed that.

He woke with a start and was surprised to find a pair of arms wrapped around him. Noah's chin was resting in Luke's hair and he allowed himself to sink into the embrace, just for one moment longer. It was nice feeling those arms around him, but he felt sad too. Noah was being nice, and he had allowed Luke to have some comfort…but the truth of the matter was that Noah didn't know why that meant so much to him. Noah had not a clue why he felt safe in his embrace and why his dreams had freaked him out. And Luke couldn't tell him.

He shifted and tried to untangle himself as the reality of the situation hit him. As nice as it had been to be in Noah's arms again…it wasn't right because the feelings at least on Noah's side did not exist. Besides he was supposed to be taking care of Noah and helping him to get better. He couldn't fall apart himself.

Luke slipped out of Noah's arms and watched the other man shift, trying to get comfortable. Noah was moving but he didn't stir, and Luke didn't have the heart to wake him…not yet. He felt cold as he moved away from the couch and stretched out his body. The warmth was with Noah, but he couldn't enjoy that now…Noah's arms were off limits to him, and he needed to remember that…for now.

Noah was awake when he returned to the living room, and Luke was surprised to see him peeking in the refrigerator. It made him smile though, it was just like Noah to be stubborn and not follow doctor's orders. He wasn't supposed to be walking around but…he seemed to be okay, and Luke was going to keep a better eye on him today.

"Are you looking for anything specific in there?" he asked crossing his arms in front of him.

Noah turned and smiled, embarrassed to have been caught. "Um, I was just looking to see what was in here. I wanted to make you breakfast…but I don't know where everything is. And I think we're out of milk."

"You don't need to make me breakfast Noah," Luke said though he was deeply touched by the gesture. "I want to cook for you today…but we are out of just about everything. I…I haven't been here for the past two months so…I didn't get a chance to go shopping. But I can run down to get us some milk and eggs so we can have omelets. Will you be okay while I go?"

Noah leaned on the refrigerator door for a moment and smiled at Luke. "I'll be fine, Luke. I may not remember anything but I think I can manage being alone for a few minutes, especially since I'm aware that you are going."

Luke returned the smile, realizing that Noah had answered his unspoken thought. "Okay…I'll be back. You have a seat please; I don't want you to hurt yourself."

While Luke was out at the store Noah took the time to look around the apartment. This was the apartment he shared with his husband. Something should look familiar…but nothing really stood out to him. According to Luke this had been his place before October. He had lived here alone, and then Luke had moved in. He wondered how much of everything his and what was theirs. Did they rearrange everything? Or had they left things the same. Did he have a favorite scent or a routine for cleaning house? Was it something he and Luke did together or did they divvy up the chores? All these questions and he didn't know how to get the answers to them. He could ask Luke, but he had the feeling that he couldn't get all the answers he wanted.

Besides he was worried about Luke. He seemed so stressed out, and Noah didn't want to cause him anymore undue pain. He didn't quite understand why Luke had been calling out in the night either. He was glad that somehow his presence had helped Luke sleep but…. He sighed and stopped thinking about it. He was beginning to get a headache and he was certain Luke would only worry more if that happened.

He returned his focus to his surroundings and decided to focus on the picture that was hanging on the wall near the door. All the faces staring back at him were strange except for two. One of them he guessed was him, and the other was Luke. Noah wondered when this picture had been taken, and he wondered if there was a story behind the shot. Everyone seemed to be happy, he noticed that right away. The man who stood to Luke's left had one hand on Luke, and another on the shoulder of the woman who sat in front of him. There were two girls in the picture; one of them was holding a little boy who didn't look like he wanted to sit still.

It was a nice scene, and it made Noah smile. He just wished he could recall when it was taken. He was still studying the picture when there was a knock on the door. He frowned, not knowing if he should be answering the door…but then he wondered if it was Luke carrying more than he could balance. "Just…just a minute," He said as he slowly got up off the couch.

Using his crutches he managed to make it over to the door, but the tall blond man standing before him was definitely not Luke. He frowned and looked from the man to the woman who stood beside him. She looked familiar, and he tilted his head to the side, trying to figure out where he had seen her face.

"Noah, are you alright?" the woman asked, her voice full of concern. Noah looked into those brown eyes and he face lit up as he remembered where he had seen her before.

"You're the woman in the picture," he exclaimed, moving aside so that he could let them in. "You have his eyes…you must be related to him in some way right?"

"Lily was bewildered for a moment, but she quickly recovered as she realized what must be going on. "Yes," she said smiling at Noah. "That is correct, I'm his mom. Is he here? And may I ask what picture you were looking at, Noah?"

"That one," Noah said pointing at the framed family portrait. "Luke will be back shortly. He ran to the store to get some Milk, and I'm sorry I don't know who you are." He said turning his attention to the blond who was looking around the apartment.

"I'm very disappointed that you don't remember me, Noah," the blond said turning to face Noah head on. "I'm only one of your best friends from work."

"Oh," Noah said frowning. He wished Luke were there to clarify things for him.

"What are you doing here?" The sound of Luke's voice made Noah jump and he turned just in time to see the flash of anger in those dark eyes. That confused him. There was a flicker of something more in those eyes, but it was gone before Noah could really analyze it.

"I came to check on you and Noah," the woman answered calmly. "Randy, said he hadn't seen you in a while, so I let him tag along. He said he wanted to check on you too."

"You picked the perfect time to want to play parent," he commented as he headed towards the kitchen.

"I don't think that's fair, Luke," Lily said coming up behind him. Luke placed the bag of groceries on the table and started putting them away. "Luke, please," Lily implored reaching out for her son's shoulder.

"Please what?" Luke said slamming the milk down on the counter before facing his mother head on. "You want me to thank you for coming to check on me? You want me to say I am happy that you decided I was worth your time? Frankly I'm surprised that you graced me with your presence since you don't really care." He grabbed the milk off the table and placed it in the fridge and then proceeded to put the rest of the groceries away.

"Why are you so angry with me?"

"Because you have a very interesting way of showing that you care," he responded, clenching his fists as he spoke. "I haven't seen you in two months, Mom. Two months. And all of a sudden you decide to come today to check on me! Where were you when I needed you huh? Where were you when I was sitting in the hospital day in and day out with my husband, not sure if he was going to wake up ever again? Where were you when I needed comfort or a shoulder or someone to tell me everything was going to be okay?" His voice cracked, and he knew he needed to calm down. "You know what," he said after a moment's pause. "Don't answer that, just forget it. I know where you were, and I know you made your choice, so don't expect me to be happy to see you."

"Luke," Noah's voice filtered through the tension. Luke looked to see his husband standing just inside the kitchen. HE gulped when he noticed who was beside him, but he tried not to be visibly shaken by it. "Are you alright? You were yelling…is everything alright in here."

"Yes," he said, his voice controlled. "Everything's fine…Mom and I were just…talking."

"Sounded more like yelling to me," Randy said crossing his arms."

"Well No one asked you did they?" Luke snapped.

"IT might be time for you guys to go," Noah said as he moved over to where Luke was standing. He didn't quite understand what was going on, but he was sensing tension from Luke, and something told him he needed to put an end to it. "I don't know why, and I know I don't understand it, but you're upsetting him…so just leave…now."

Noah's voice left no room for argument, and Luke was relieved when His mother motioned for Randy to follow her and they showed themselves out of the apartment. He closed his eyes to regain control of his emotions before he faced Noah and the questions he was sure would be coming.

He felt a hand on his shoulder and opened his eyes to find Noah standing beside him with a concerned look on his face. Luke tried to smile, to let Noah know he was okay, but that smile didn't reach his eyes…and memory or no memory he was sure Noah would notice.

"I…I'd understand if you didn't want to share what's wrong with me," Noah said stammering over his words. "I mean I don't want to impose on something that may not be my business but…that was your mother right?"

"Yeah, that was mom," Luke said moving away from Noah's touch. "Would you like an omelet for breakfast?"

"I guess," Noah said shrugging his shoulders. "I'm not sure what I like, and…I don't know if I should let you change the subject like that. "Why are you so mad at your mom?"

Luke didn't say anything at first as he concentrated on frying the egg in the pan. He prepared the omelet, folding it, and flipping it as he tried to figure out what to tell Noah. It wasn't that he didn't want to answer him; he just wasn't sure what he wanted to say.

"You usually like Western Omelets, but I forgot to get Ham there's bacon in here instead, I hope that's okay."

"Do you just not want to talk to me?" Noah asked with an exasperated sigh that made Luke stop and look at him. He didn't mean to upset his husband, but it was obvious that he had. He frowned and turned back to the stove to turn off the fire.

"It's not that," He said serving the omelet up on a plate and bringing it to the table. He gestured for Noah to sit down and went to get him a fork and a glass of orange juice. "I want to talk to you, Noah," he said as he took a seat across from him. "It's just…"

"Complicated?" Noah asked his voice soft as he looked down at his food. He picked up his fork and took a bite of his omelet. "This is really good," he said with his mouth full. "You'll have to show me how to make it."

"I can do that," Luke said with a sigh. "And yes, it's complicated. My parents are going through a rough time right now…and mom screwed up really big."

"It must have been huge if you snapped at her and at Randy," Noah said taking another bite of omelet. "He seems nice enough…odd but nice."

"Can we not…talk about him…please?" Luke asked swallowing down the bile that threatened to rush to the surface. "We can talk about anything you want…just not him, Okay?"

It was on the tip of Noah's tongue to ask why, but he thought better of it. He sensed that it was a sore subject for Luke, and figured that maybe he could ask Randy. After all, he had said they were friends…surely he would know why Luke was mad at him.

"Can I ask you something?" Noah asked changing the subject completely.

"Yes of course," Luke said, trying to focus on something other than the fact that Randy had been in his kitchen.

"Was my father…abusive towards me?"

Luke was taken aback by the question and he was sure Noah could read the surprise on his face. "What would make you ask that?" he asked, his tone laced with concern. "Are you remembering something?"

Noah shook his head. No…it's nothing like that. It's just that he hit me yesterday and it actually stung…"

"Wait," Luke said stopping Noah's flow of words. "He hit you?"

"Yes," Noah said frowning. "Before you picked me up yesterday. He slapped me hard; I think he even left a mark."

Luke moved closer and gently took a hold of Noah's face. Sure enough there was a pinkish print that he hadn't even noticed before. "Does it hurt?" he asked, worried as he touched the tender flesh.

"No…it stung yesterday though," Noah admitted. "It's not a big deal Luke, I was just wondering."

"IT's a big deal to me," Luke said getting up from the table. He disappeared for a moment, but soon returned with the phone in his hand. Noah watched him dial a number and place the receiver up to his ear. It made Noah frown...his question had made Luke upset, and that hadn't been his intention.

"You hit him?" Luke said even as he turned to walk away from Noah again. "What were you thinking?" Noah could tell that Luke's jaw was set as he listened to the person on the other end. Apparently he didn't like what he was hearing. "I don't care if you are the freakin' king of England and Noah spit on your shoes, you have no right to hit him, and I swear to god Colonel if you lay another hand on him…"

Luke hung up the phone, letting the threat hang and he turned to see Noah staring at him with a look on his face that could only be described as amazed.

"What?" he asked, slamming the phone down and running a hand through his blond hair.

"I may have no clue who you are really…but I think I can understand why I would have fallen for you."

With those simple words Noah calmed Luke's temper and a smile crossed his lips. "What did I tell you about saying things like that, Mayer?"

Noah returned the smile and appeared bashful. I'm just saying, Luke, must be someone really special to just stand up for me like that, and I thank you."

He was still a little more than agitated when he settled down on the couch a few hours later. Noah was resting in their room, and it was too quiet for Luke's liking. He looked at the clock and wondered if he could get away with calling to talk to James. He knew he needed to call Maddie too, but he hadn't gotten up the courage to do so. Just as he was about to reach for the phone it rang. He picked it up quickly as not to wake Noah and placed the receiver to his ear.

"Hello?"

"That was fast," James commented easily. "Were you sitting right by the phone?"

"I was about to call you actually," Luke said, a heavy sigh escaping his lips. "It's already been a long day, and it's not even half over."

"UH oh, that doesn't sound good. What's wrong? You do seem a little irritated today."

"My mom…" Luke admitted sadly. "She came over today."

"That couldn't have been so bad," James commented.

"He was with her."

"Oh…." James let that news sink in and frowned. "Are you alright?"

"I snapped, James. I just…I went off on her for being here…and I know that some of that was my anger at her but a lot of how I reacted was because of him, because he was in my home and he was in my kitchen and I freaked…I just totally lost it."

"Did Noah witness this?"

"Yeah he heard me yelling at mom. I don't want him near Noah…James. I don't want Noah to be influenced by him but I don't know how to tell Noah that without telling him why."

"For the moment you should just tell him that you and Randy had a falling out. Just tell the truth as much as you can. You just don't feel very comfortable around him, but it's not something you want to talk about. I'm sure Noah will understand."

"Yeah, I can do that…thanks James."

"Is there something else wrong?" James inquired after a lull in the conversation.

"Nothing major," Luke replied.

"IF it wasn't' major you wouldn't be so down in the dumps. Now spill."

Luke sighed. James was getting too good at reading him; he was almost as good as Noah...used to be. "Noah asked me a weird question today, about his dad."

"OH?"

"Yeah, he wanted to know if his father ever hit him in the past."

"You're right that is a strange question. Did you ask him about it?"

"He hit him, James."

"Hit him when," James asked a frown settling on his lips.

"Yesterday, before I came to get him. You still see the print where his hand smacked his face. I got so mad, James I snapped at the Colonel.

"I hope you told him off good, Luke. You aren't getting angry at yourself for being upset are you?"

"Just a little," Luke admitted. It's just the thought of anyone laying their hands on Noah, especially his dad…I am very protective of him."

"I know, I caught of glimpse of that in the hospital," James admitted. "But there's something you're not saying. "You yelled at Noah's dad. Was Noah there when you did that too? And what was his reaction to it?"

"He was shocked," Luke leaned his head back against the couch and closed his eyes for a moment. "More in awe I think. He said that even though he didn't know who I was he could understand why he would have fallen for me."

"That's a step in the right direction."

"Is it?" Luke asked, his frustration boiling to the surface. "What if he never remembers who that person was? What if I never get my Noah back? What if I can't do this?"

"Did you call Maddie yet," James asked, his voice having a soothing affect on Luke's frayed nerves.

"Not yet," Luke said sadly.

"Call her," James instructed. "Tell her you need her and she will come right over. Then you can talk to her about Noah and I think you both will be able to help each other."

"Okay, I'll do that. Thanks James….I'll talk to you soon."

He held the phone in his hands for a long moment before dialing Maddie's phone number. "Hey Maddie," he said when his friend picked up. "Are you busy?"

"I'm never too busy for you, Luke. You know that." Maddie said balancing her phone on her shoulder as she placed files in the filing cabinet.

Well…there's something I need to tell you, if you have time."

"What's wrong Luke? You sound upset?"

"Well…it's…" Luke started, and realized that he didn't really know how to go about this. He took a deep breath and tried again. "I have something to tell you about Noah."

"Is he awake?" Maddie asked taking the phone into her hands. She folded her arm to her elbow and leaned against the desk. "Are you at the hospital?"

"No…no," Luke sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "I…I mean yes he is awake and no I'm not at the hospital. I just…can you come over? I don't want to do this over the phone and I could really use my best friend right about now."

"I'm on my way. You go boil some water, I'll bring the tea."

The water was just about boiled when he heard a knock on the door. He opened it and almost immediately found himself wrapped in his best friend's arms. He hugged her close and held her there for a long moment. He needed this contact…needed her.

"Have a seat," she said pulling out of the hug a few minutes later. "I'll get us some tea and then you can tell me what's going on."

"Thank you," he said taking the mug from her hands. He blew on the hot liquid and breathed in the strong smell of peppermint. Maddie took a seat beside him and placed her own mug on the table.

"So where do you want to start," she asked, placing a hand on Luke's knee to get his attention. "Is Noah here?"

Luke nodded, and took a sip of the tea. He didn't care that the liquid slightly burned his throat on the way down. He just needed something to focus on. "He's sleeping," He sighed and took another sip of tea before Maddie grabbed the mug from him.

"You're stalling," she said gently as she placed the mug on the table. "What's going on?"

"My parents are getting a divorce," he said his voice barely above a whisper.

"Oh, no…are you sure?" she asked placing a hand on his shoulder. "Your parents have split up before and have always found their way back together. Surely that will be what happens this time too."

Luke shook his head and picked up his cup. He felt like he needed something in his hands to stop them from trembling. He took another sip of the hot liquid and closed his eyes. Maddie always made his tea just right. "It's not the same as before," he told her. "God Maddie, I didn't even know they were separated. How did I miss that? How did I not know? I'm supposed to know these things."

Maddie squeezed his shoulder but remained quiet. She knew Luke just needed to know that she was there…listening. He would speak when his heart was ready to talk.

"They've been separated since November. And My dad…he's had enough, so he filed for divorce."

"November?" Maddie repeated. "Did it have something to do with you getting sick, or your grandma?" she asked frowning. She didn't like those options, but she was trying to find an explanation for this…for her friend's sake.

"I almost wish I was the reason for the trouble, Maddie," Luke said sadly. "It would be so much easier to deal with than the truth."

"Luke…"Maddie started letting her thought trail off.

Luke sipped on his tea and remained silent for a few minutes. He was trying to collect his thoughts, and he was glad to have someone to talk to about it. "My Mom…she's…she's having an affair. And from what Dad can tell me, it started prior to my grandma going into recurrence and me having the kidney infection."

"But Thanksgiving? You were going over there for dinner?"

Luke shook his head. "We never made it…and as it turns out that and Christmas were big jokes. And Dad made mom choose."

"I can't believe your mom would choose someone over you Luke…is that why you are sad?"

"I'm not sad…not exactly," Luke said focusing on his tea once again. He took a few more sips before placing the mug down and facing Maddie. "I'm hurt and angry and…I don't even know anymore Maddie. I don't know…I don't get what's going on and why my mom has to do this. And as much as I keep telling myself that this doesn't involve me directly, it's like everything that has happened with my parents seems to coincide with something that has happened to me or…"

"Or, what Luke?"

He shook his head and closed his eyes for a moment.

"Luke I can't help you unless you talk to me." Maddie said softly.

"She was here today, at the house. And she brought him with her," he said changing the subject only slightly. He was still talking about his mother. "She just came in, saying she wanted to help like everything was fine and dandy. And I haven't even seen her in two months, Maddie. Two! She wasn't there right after the accident. And I didn't see her not one day after we all learned that Noah was in the coma. I needed my Mom then, and she wasn't there. I needed someone to tell me," Luke heard his voice begin to crack and he stopped to breathe. He was not about to cry…he did not feel like crying over his mother especially not in front of Maddie. "I called her, and left messages for her, and told her that I could really use her and still she wasn't there. So how did she think that she could just walk in here today and think that I would be able to accept her help? I mean…I'm sure she was only even here because her boyfriend was busy."

"Who was with her," Maddie said frowning. At first she had thought he meant his mother's lover…and if that had been the case, Maddie would have gone off about how tacky that was. But obviously this wasn't the case. Her face darkened as she realized who Luke might be talking about. "Oh no…Randy was here?"

"Yeah," Luke admitted. He was in my living room and my Kitchen and that scares me to no end."

"Well we'll have to do something about that," Maddie said rubbing her best friend's arm. What did he want?"

Luke shook his head. "He only spoke up after I was yelling at my Mom…I mean I wasn't here when they got here. I had run down for groceries and I return to find him…"

"I don't think you need to worry about him now," Maddie said sensing his upset. "So you let your mom have it about her neglect and then what?"

"I snapped at mom partly because he was there," Luke admitted. "And I snapped at Noah's dad today too. I was…I am just so upset and I don't know what to do."

Maddie picked up his mug and her own and went to the kitchen for more tea. When she returned she handed Luke another steaming mug. "Here drink this; it will help calm your nerves."

Luke was silent as he accepted the mug, wrapping his fingers around the warm mug as Maddie sat beside him. He blew on the liquid before taking a drink; he allowed the scent of peppermint to overwhelm his senses helping him to relax ever so slightly. His eyes closed as he sighed and waited for the questions to begin.

"You snapped at Noah's dad?"

Luke's eyes opened and he looked over at Maddie who was taking a sip from her own cup. "Before or after he took Noah out of the hospital without my permission?"

"What?" Maddie placed her cup down on the table and looked at her best friend. "Okay that doesn't even make sense. Wouldn't Noah be able to check himself out of the hospital? And even if he didn't, why would he go with his dad, he can't stand the man."

"SHHHh," Luke warned, lowering his voice for affect. "Actually, that's not true. Noah loves his dad, the man scares him half the time but he does care about him. But, right now that's a mute point because Noah doesn't remember."

"What are you saying," Maddie said frowning.

Luke focused on his tea again, taking a few sips before he spoke again. "Noah has Retrograde Amnesia."

"Which translates to what exactly?"

"He doesn't remember his life with his father, not to mention himself. And he doesn't remember anything about you or me and the summer we spent together. He has no memory of any of it."

"Oh Luke," Maddie placed a hand on his shoulder.

"He didn't even remember his name, Maddie. He only knows it because I said it while I was telling him about the accident. And…his father decided it would be a good idea to sneak him out of the hospital while I wasn't there. He fell while he was with the Colonel and he insists he is okay but I am so afraid of what could happen, Maddie that I can't even see straight half the time. And the bastard hit him." Luke's hands balled into fists and Maddie quickly rescued the mug that was tilted sideways as Luke fumed. He hit Noah and that was it, I couldn't sit back and let him hurt Noah again…so I called him and I snapped at him and I told him that he had no right to hit Noah and that he better not do it again."

"Did that make you feel any better?" Maddie asked, and Luke marveled at her ability to be so calm. He wished he was calm right now.

"No…actually it made me feel bad for losing my temper. And Noah said something about understanding how he could fall for me and I just…I don't know how to deal with this." He admitted with a shake of his head. "I think today just made me realize that I can't do this by myself. Please help?"

Maddie pulled Luke into a comforting hug and just held him in silence. She hoped that she was offering some comfort even as she tried to grasp all that was happening here. Noah was awake…but he had no memory of his life. He didn't know his father, nor did he know about his life and the summer…and more importantly he didn't remember Luke. It was no wonder her best friend was in bad shape.

"You don't have to worry about thing, Luke," she said pulling away to look at her friend. "I'm here now and I'm going to do everything I can to help."

"James said you would," Luke said with a tired smile.

"OH I see how it works," Maddie said feigning annoyance. "You'll talk to James but you won't talk to me?"

"He's my therapist," Luke laughed. "And a really great friend to boot."

"I'm glad my boyfriend has been such a help to you." She smiled and gave him another hug. "You sit here and relax" she said standing to pick up the empty mugs. "I'm going to fix you something to eat. I just bet you haven't eaten anything, and when was the last time you had a decent amount of sleep? Luke?" she said turning to see why her friend wasn't answering her.

The scene that met her eyes brought a soft smile to her face. Luke's head was resting on the arm of the chair and he had curled his legs up beneath him. Maddie took the cups in the kitchen and placed them on the counter. She found a blanket in the hall closet and used it to cover Luke up.

It was a couple of hours later when Maddie heard the bedroom door open. She looked up from the book she was reading just in time to see Noah making his way out the room. The brunet stopped when he saw her and tilted his head to the side. Maddie could tell that he was trying to figure out who she was. She smiled but remained silent as Noah looked at Luke and straightened his blanket before focusing once again on her.

"Hello," he said questioningly.

"Hi Noah," Maddie said the smile never leaving her lips. "It's good to see you up and about again."

"UH….thanks?"

"I bet you're trying to figure out who I am?" Noah nodded slowly. "And I bet you also want to know what I'm doing here right."

"Yeah…are you a friend of Luke's?" Noah asked.

'I'm a friend of yours too." Maddie said with a nod.

"So you and I know each other too?"

"Yes, that's right."

"For how long?" Noah asked, inching closer. He didn't feel a connection to this girl…not like he did with Luke, but she didn't seem like a bad person. Besides if she was a friend of Luke's she definitely couldn't be all bad.

"We've known each other for about eight months."

"Oh. I met you when I met Luke?"

"That's right. We met on your first day back in June."

"First day," Noah said frowning. "Do we work together?"

"Yes, you, Luke and I have been working together since June."

"And Randy right? He said he worked with us."

Maddie hid a grimace as she looked at Noah. She was glad Luke was sleeping; he certainly didn't need to be reminded of that name at the moment. "Yes he works with us too," she informed Noah.

"I don't think Luke likes him much," Noah commented. "Not sure why though. He didn't seem all that bad."

"You can sit down, Noah. I'm not going to bite." Noah moved to sit on the edge of the couch next to a sleeping Luke. "Good, now I am sure you want to ask me some questions…so go ahead. I will try to answer them to the best of my ability.'

"Well, can I know your name first please?"

"I'm Maddie. Though your father, and my brother's girlfriend insist on calling me Madeline."

"That's a pretty name," Noah complimented. "You know my father too?" Noah asked curiously.

"I've met him a few times, yes," Maddie admitted, chewing on her lip. She was beginning to think she shouldn't have mentioned the Col.

"Was he mean to you too? It seems like he's always being mean to Luke."

"Well…" Maddie started, trying to pick her words carefully. "Your father never really had a problem with me, actually. I know he and Luke never saw eye to eye."

"That's what Luke said, but there has to be more to it than that right?"

Maddie shrugged. "Your father never really liked him because of a misunderstanding. He felt like Luke was a bad influence on you."

"He told me that," Noah said frowning. "I don't understand though. "I mean Luke has been sweet to me ever since I woke up in the hospital. And he even yelled at my dad for hitting me. That doesn't sound like someone who is a bad influence on me."

"Luke is very protective you," Maddie said with a smile. "He cares about you a great deal."

"That's what I don't get then," Noah countered, his brow knitted as he thought about what Maddie was saying. "If it's obvious that Luke cares about me, and I'm supposed to care about him, then why does my dad like you and hate Luke so much. And why do I feel like I need to protect Luke, he seems so strong, but something just keeps telling me to protect him


	23. Chapter 23

She wasn't saying anything…and that made him uncomfortable. He couldn't explain it really, but it was how he felt. He wondered why she was taking so long to answer him. It couldn't really be that difficult of a question…or was it. Luke had mentioned that things were complicated. Did Maddie figure into those complications somehow? And if she did…why? What was her role in all this? She was Luke's best friend…yet the Colonel liked her more than he liked Luke. That just boggled his mind. He knew the man hated Luke…he had seen as much just yesterday. And Luke had said they didn't see eye to eye…but what wasn't Luke saying?

"I don't know what more I can tell you about your father, Noah," Maddie said bringing Noah out of his thoughts. "It is complicated and unfortunately telling you too much may influence your feelings and that's the last thing we need to do right now. So can you just take Luke's word for it that they don't see eye to eye? I'm sure in time we'll be able to explain more. I can however give you some insight into why you need to protect Luke,"

"Oh could you?" Noah said forgetting about the other question in favor of this knowledge. He wanted to understand why he felt so protective of this guy who was practically a stranger to him in so many ways...

Maddie smiled softly and reached out to squeeze Noah's hand. "I don't know if you noticed the medicine bottles in the medicine cabinet," she started, waiting to see if Noah knew what she was talking about.

"I did see those," Noah said feeling silly that something so trivial excited him. "There are so many…I was going to ask Luke about them but I never got the chance to.

"They belong to Luke," Maddie informed him. He has to take a lot of different medicines every day."

"What, why?" Noah said frowning as he looked at the sleeping form on the couch. "He doesn't look sick."

"Luke had to have a Kidney transplant two years ago, Noah. And just recently…he had a kidney infection that I don't think he completely healed from."

"Oh no…what causes those?" Noah was really concerned. He hated the thought of Luke being sick.

"Stress…which is why I am telling you this. I want you to do something for me. Luke has been going through a lot lately. His health has been iffy, his grandmother is in the hospital, and he just learned his parents are getting divorced."

"OH!" Noah exclaimed. "That explains why he was so mad at his mom today."

"Right, he is very close to his family. And when they fall apart Luke tends to take it on himself and it's really not good for him. He doesn't take care of himself when there is a crisis."

"But he doesn't seem to be sad so much," Noah protested. "I mean he was great today, and he seemed so strong."

"He's being strong for you," Maddie told him truthfully. "And no, I am not pinning any blame on your Noah. That's just how Luke is. He puts those he cares about first, and if there is time left over he will worry about himself. "

"Okay," Noah said slowly. "I think I understand. But what about the nightmares?"

"What Nightmares?" Maddie asked curiously.

"Luke woke up early this morning after having a bad dream."

"Can you tell me about the dream? Did he talk about it?"

The only thing I could catch him saying was no," Noah said shaking his head. "I don't know what that means but he was really scared. And when he woke up his first question was about me. He wanted to know if I was okay."

"That sounds like Luke," Maddie said thoughtfully. She could easily figure out what Luke's dream must have been about. The nightmares are most likely connected to a trauma he has recently experienced. He hasn't had a chance to really deal with it…but don't ask me what it was please. I think that's a story Luke will tell you in his own time."

"What can I do then," Noah asked worried. There was just so much he didn't know, and still with everything Maddie was saying he felt more and more protective of Luke. "I have to do something since he's been so good to me."

"IF he has another nightmare, don't hesitate to come to him. He slept through the night after you were there right?"

"Yes. I told him that even if I didn't remember, he could still lean on me for support. I wanted to help."

"Then that is how you can help. Even if he tells you that he will be fine, insist on staying. If you have to see if you can convince him to sit up and talk to you. You don't have to talk about the nightmare, but maybe in those times you can help him focus on something brighter. Maybe he could even help you remember. If you think of different questions?"

"I'll try," Noah said with a sigh. "Thank you Maddie for talking to me."

Noah felt movement behind him and realized that Luke was stirring. He turned to watch the blond wake up, and Maddie in turn watched the scene with a smile on her face.

""Hey," Luke said opening his eyes. "You're awake."

"Stating the obvious I see," Noah teased. "I could say the same about you."

"Luke smiled and sat up, rubbing his eyes as he did so. "Sorry I wasn't awake for you, Noah…I guess I was more tired than I thought."

"It's okay. It gave me a chance to meet Maddie."

"And now that I know you are in good hands," Maddie said grinning as she stood. "I think it's time for me to make my exit. Don't hesitate to call me if you need me that goes for both of you okay?"

"Okay," Noah said.

"Okay, Maddie" Luke said at exactly the same time. Noah looked at Luke for a moment before ducking his head. Luke only smiled. Noah was glad to see that he was in a better mood.

"Are you hungry?" Luke asked breaking the silence that had fallen since Maddie left. Neither of them had left their respective spots on the couch, and Luke could recall another time they had been in similar positions, though there had been a hug before they ended up on the couch together that time.

"I'll eat if you eat," Noah replied, running a hand through his hair. He had been thinking about all the things Maddie told him. He felt like he needed to protect Luke, and if Maddie said he needed to eat than Noah was going to make sure that he ate.

"Well I am starving," Luke admitted. He shifted so that he could get up off the couch. "I'll make us something to eat for lunch."

Noah followed him into the kitchen and watched for a moment as he moved around taking things out of the cabinet, shifting pots and pans and turning the dials on the stove. Luke seemed to know his way around the kitchen pretty well. It made him wonder if Luke was the primary one who cooked for them.

"What are you going to cook?" he asked leaning on the island that separated the kitchen table from the stove.

"I'm going to whip up some steak and potatoes for you. It shouldn't take long."

"For us," Noah corrected him. "Is that my favorite?"

"One of them, Luke responded as he started chopping at an onion.

"What else do I like," Noah asked coming over closer so that he could watch what Luke was doing.

"You …you'll eat just about anything actually," Luke answered. "But, if I had to say what your favorite meal is, it's definitely steak with onions and fried potatoes. You like to eat that with broccoli and before you ask…we usually cook together. When we are both home that is. Sometimes you cook, and other times I do. But on Tuesdays and Thursdays we do it together."

Noah placed a hand on top of Luke's and Luke cursed inwardly. As always touching Noah sent a shiver through him like no other. "Let me help," Noah's voice sounded deep in his ear. He relinquished his control over the knife and stepped aside so that Noah could make short work of the onion. It made him smile since he knew that Noah didn't like cutting those.

They worked together in silence, and for a moment there if felt so normal so natural. Their motions were fluid and Noah seemed to know what Luke needed before he asked for it. The only thing that was missing was the kisses they shared while the meal was cooking. Luke had forgotten how much he missed these simple times and he was glad to have them back…if only for a little while.

At dinner he watched Noah closely, he took note of his gestures, his mannerisms, the way he hate his food. It was interesting to note that this Noah started with the potatoes when before he would cut his steak into precise portions before touching anything else. He could also tell that Noah was deep in thought. His foot was tapping incessantly and he crinkled his eyebrow which was a definite indicator that he had a question to ask but he was afraid to voice it.

"Is there something on your mind, Noah?" he asked as he picked with his own food. He knew he needed to eat, but his stomach just wasn't really into it. He tried though because he had his medicine to take…and his stomach needed to be full.

"Well…" Noah said, lifting his head to meet Luke's eyes. He felt jumpy, but he wasn't sure why. He had felt something when his hand touched Luke's earlier…it was inexplicable and he didn't know if he should bring it up to Luke or not. It certainly wasn't the question that was on his mind at the moment.

"You can ask me anything, Noah." Luke told him as he took another bite of steak."

"Well…you said we cook together. What else can you tell me about our lives?"

Luke's expression was thoughtful as he chewed his food. He sensed that hadn't been exactly what Noah wanted to ask…but he certainly wasn't going to press. "Well we had a night for everything…I want you to figure out some of this stuff, but I will say we had a date night and a night when…" he stopped abruptly realizing he had been about to mention his parents. That thought brought back a whole lot of pain he didn't want to venture into at the present time.

"A night when what?" Noah asked, trying to search Luke's face. It was obvious that there was a thought that pained him, and Noah wished he knew what it was. He tried to think back to the things Maddie had told him, wondering if the answer was somewhere in there.

"Did we used to spend a day with your parents?" he asked, choosing his words carefully as he continued to gaze at Luke. "Was there a day when we had dinner with them"?"

"Yeah," Luke said his voice almost too soft to hear.

"Luke?"

"Yeah?" Luke said allowing his eyes to meet Noah's.

"It's okay…you know. To be upset with them. I…I imagine you have every right to be, and you sounded really angry at your mom."

"IT's not really okay, Noah. I'm not a kid anymore. I should be over this."

Noah was silent for a moment; trying to figure out what he could tell him…what would make sense. "I…I think that we never get over our parents' issues, Luke. Those things are going to affect us for as long as we live. And you may be an adult…but your parents are the center of your world right?"

Luke nodded. His head was down and he was picking at his broccoli stalks. They suddenly weren't very appealing to him.

"Well, then it makes sense that you would be hurting. And I wish that there was something I could do to take the hurt away. I know I don't remember us…but if I can do anything I'll do it, just say the word. Maddie said I should try to be there for you as best I can."

"Did she now?" Luke said pushing away his food completely. "Did she tell you that my mom is having an affair?"

"She didn't mention that," Noah frowned. "That's why you were so angry with her today?"

Luke sighed and rested his arms on the table. he started scratching his left arm with his right hand as he tried to explain what was going on to Noah. "When you had your accident, I was here all alone and I got a phone call from the hospital that you were being taken into surgery. That was on Christmas night. Today was the first time I have seen my mother since Christmas."

"Did she know what was going on? Did you call her?" Noah frowned. It didn't make sense to him that no one was there to help Luke.

"I called everybody," Luke said reflectively. "I called Dad, and Mom…my brother…they got back to me. Maddie and James I had them too but my mom was nowhere to be found Noah. She never called, never came by…She was just not there."

"But…" Noah trailed off. That just didn't make sense to him. How could Luke's mom not be there if he needed her? "Maybe she had a good reason for not being there? I mean work or something?" He frowned. He hoped he wasn't making it seem like he was on anyone's side but Luke's. "I'm just really trying to understand."

"I wish I could understand too, Noah. I don't know why she keeps doing this. And I don't know why I take it so personally."

"You should take it personally," Noah said his tone thoughtful as he locked eyes with Luke. "I mean, she's your mom, and you needed her, and she wasn't there for you. She should have been there by your side to help you through a situation that was both difficult and very painful for you. Your grandma was there for you right?"

"Yeah, Grandma helped me out a lot during that time. She even came to visit you once or twice."

"Even though she was sick herself?" Noah asked, a fond smile crossing his lips. "That's amazing."

"Grandma is an amazing woman," Luke agreed, his tone reflective. "

"Well than it sounds like your mom doesn't have a good excuse, Luke. You have every right to be upset with her."

"But it's not like this is the first time she's done something like this," Luke protested. "I should be used to it by now."

"I don't think we ever get used to our parents screwing up. When we need them, we want them to be there for us…we want them to love us and when they don't it hurts."

Luke nodded his silent agreement to Noah's statement, and unconsciously reached over to take Noah's hand into his. He gave it a gentle squeeze. Noah didn't realize just how true those words were in his case, but one day he would remember.

"You know I think that's enough family drama for one day," he said standing to clear their plates from the table. "Let's go relax and watch a movie in the living room."

"Can I choose the movie?" Noah asked standing to help Luke with the dishes.

Luke was intrigued, and wanted to know just what Noah would select. "Sure if you wish. What would you like to see?"

"Do we have anything black and white?" Noah asked after thinking about it for a moment. "The stories are so much richer and the acting more poignant in the older movies."

"Some things never change," Luke said shaking his head.

"What?" Noah asked curiously.

"Nothing," Luke said smiling. "Come on; let's go find that black and white movie…though I warn you I may fall asleep."

"I would really like to watch Casablanca," Noah announced as they looked over the collection of movies. "For its time period it was one of the greatest movies ever."

"We can watch that," Luke agreed. He had to refrain from telling Noah that this was actually one of his favorite movies. "I actually enjoy that one…most times," He smiled and pulled Noah over to the couch and placed the DVD into the player. For a moment he stood by the TV and watched Noah get into "Movie watching" mode. This was the only time Noah would allow himself to relax a little. He would sit with his arm over the chair and his eyes focused on the screen. It had always been fun for Luke to watch Noah get completely engrossed in the movie

He joined Noah on the couch, sitting just far enough away to be comfortable, and pressed play on the film. Soon they were thrust into the world of Rick and Ilsa, and taken on a lovely trip through Casablanca. Noah started talking about the movie almost immediately. And Luke tried hard to pay attention to all his little comments. He actually enjoyed listening to Noah talk about these films, and it gave him some small comfort to see that at least that hadn't changed. Still his eyelids grew heavy as the film continued, and he shifted a little in the chair, trying to relax and enjoy this moment he was sharing with Noah.

"And did you know," Noah said turning towards Luke, "That Humphrey Board and Ingrid Bergman rarely ever spoke to each other?" It took him a moment to notice that Luke was sleeping, and he smiled and shook his head. Luke had warned him that he may fall asleep during the film.

He stretched out on the couch and pulled Luke close, wrapping him protectively in his arms. The movie continued, and Noah continued to watch, as he felt the rise and fall of Luke's chest. It didn't' take long for Noah to be lulled to sleep as well. The movie ended, and he allowed the sound of Luke's' breathing to hypnotize him.

"So which number is yours again"?" Noah asked, frowning at the cell phone he held in his hand.

"Speed dial one is me," Luke told him as he shouldered his bag. "Speed dial 2 is also me, but you don't need to use that one because it's our home number. Speed dial three will get you through to Maddie if you need her, and your dad's number is in there too. And my Dad's as well. He's coming to pick you up for your appointment…and I figure I can meet you at the hospital after my therapy session and we'll come home together okay?"

Noah nodded. It was Tuesday, a week since he woke up, and Luke was leaving the apartment for the first time since the argument with his mom. "What time is your dad coming again?"

'You're appointment is at Noon so, Dad will be here to pick you up around 11. And you're sure you'll be okay here by yourself?"

"Yes…I should be okay. Have a good day at school."

"And you stay out of trouble." Luke smiled as he reached for the door knob.

"Hey Luke?" Noah called before Luke could leave. Luke turned back even as he opened the door."

"I don't know if I want to talk to my dad," Noah confessed.

"You don't have to talk to him if you don't want to Noah. But the phone number is there just in case you do."

Luke was just coming out of his first class when his phone rang. "Hi Noah."

"Hi."

"Is something wrong?" Luke asked frowning.

"No."

"Are you okay?" Luke stopped and leaned against the wall, waiting for Noah's response.

"Yes."

"So…is there a reason why you called."

"I just wanted to hear you say my name."

Noah hung up before Luke could respond to that, and he closed his phone with a smile. There was something comforting in knowing that Noah liked the way his name sounded on his lips.

Back at the apartment Noah closed his phone, and hoped he hadn't just made a complete fool of himself calling Luke for no reason. He slipped the phone in his pocket and was just about to settle down with a book when there was a knock on the door. His cell phone rang at that exact moment and he lifted it out of his pocket as he opened the door.

"Hello," he said a frown settling across his features. His father was at the door

"Noah, Its Holden. I was just calling to check on you."

"Can you excuse me for a minute," Noah said waiting for Holden's acknowledgement. "Thank you. "What do you want?" He said facing the Colonel head on.

"The least you can do son is invite me in," The Colonel said crossly.

"I have nothing to say to you though," Noah countered. "I don't even want to think about you right now. So just leave." He closed the door in the Colonel's face and focused back on the telephone. "Sorry sir, I didn't mean to put you on hold. Hey! You can't just come in here," he exclaimed as the Colonel barged in.

"Don't tell me what I can and cannot do young man. Just get off the phone and show some respect. I have something to say to you."

"This is my home," Noah railed at the Colonel. Holden for the moment was completely forgotten. "You can't tell me what to do. And I told you already, you may be my father, but I don't know you from Adam. Therefore I don't have to listen to you. So go away."

"Noah, are you still there," Holden's voice startled him and he turned three shades of red as he realized Luke's father must have heard that.

"Yes sir…I'm still here. Sorry about that. I'm…I'm doing okay. I miss Luke though."

"That's to be expected, you are used to having him right there with you. Are you sure you're alright?"

Before Noah could answer the Colonel grabbed the phone out of Noah's hand and closed it.

"What do you think you're doing?" Noah exclaimed horrified at what the man had just done. "You shouldn't have done that!"

"Calm your voice and listen to me for a change," The Colonel snapped. "I just want to talk to you, and I can't do that with that boy here."

"His name is Luke," Noah said standing his ground. "If you can't say his name then you can't be in his home so like I said before, get out."

"Not until I talk some sense into you boy. You are not in the right frame of mind to be making decisions, and I will not have that Snyder boy turning you against me."

"Luke has said not one bad word about you," Noah countered. "And he doesn't have to. You are doing a good job of turning me against you all on your own."

"Don't you dare talk to me that way," The Colonel screamed raising his hand to hit Noah.

Noah steeled himself to take the hit but it never came. He looked up and was surprised to find Luke's dad standing there with the Colonel's raised hand clasped in his own. "You keep your hands off of him," the man sneered pushing the Colonel backwards. "What do you think you are doing?"

"Get your hands off me, Snyder. You have no right to interfere in matters that don't' concern you."

"When you are in my son's home, about to attack, I have every right to step in. I want you out of here and I want you to keep your distance from both of my sons."

Noah was shocked at the words that came out of Holden's mouth. He would expect Luke to protect him like this, but Luke's father as well? That was beyond amazing to him.

"Don't you dare claim my son as your own," the Colonel barked pushing Holden off of him. "You have no right."

"This is my home," Noah said speaking up and taking both men off guard. "It's my home, and I want you out of here now, please. You can't come in here and disrespect me and Luke, and Luke's dad and think that I will let you get away with that. So go…if I want to see you, I have your phone number thanks to Luke. But right now I just want you to leave my sight."

"You heard him," Holden said letting the Colonel go. He pushed the man towards the door and slammed it in his face.

"I'm not through with you, Noah" The colonel yelled before retreating.

Holden looked at a stunned Noah and placed his hand on hi shoulder. "Are you okay?"

"Noah nodded, though he wasn't sure if he actually believed himself. He was in shock. He couldn't recall ever yelling at someone like that. It was insane; when it came to Luke he was so fiercely protective he barely knew himself. And that was saying something since he didn't know himself now. "I…I'm fine," he gasped. "Is it time to go to my appointment?"

"Here you have a seat," Holden said leading him to a chair. "Your appointment can wait."

Noah sat down and leaned his head back. His heart was still racing and he couldn't breathe. He was trying to take big gulps of air but it wasn't working. "Oh god," He said, clutching his chest and trying unsuccessfully to catch his breath. "He…help…" he gasped. Help me."

He felt a hand on his shoulder, and a paper bag was forced into his hands. The hand guided his head down and held the bag up against his mouth. "Breathe," He heard Holden say. "Just breathe into the bag Noah. That's it, nice and easy; just breathe.

He did what he was told, and it seemed to help. Ever so slowly his breathing returned to normal, and he collapsed back on the chair, gulping in the air around him. He felt a hand on his shoulder and opened his eyes to see Holden looking down at him with concern.

"You feeling better, son?"

Noah nodded and moved to stand. Holden helped him up and he swayed. If not for Luke's dad he certainly would have fallen again

"Take it easy Noah. I'm going to take you to the hospital."

Noah shook his head. "No…hospitals," He said firmly. "I'm fine…really."

"We have to go to the hospital for your appointment," Holden reminded him. "Are you up for that?"

"Do we have to tell Luke?" Noah asked avoiding Holden's question for a moment. He was concerned about Luke finding out about this."

"Come on," Holden said steering Noah in the direction of the door. "We'll talk about that in the car."

Luke quickened his pace when he saw his dad sitting in the waiting room with a cup of coffee in his hands. He could think of a million logical reasons why his dad was sitting there, but with the way his luck was running rational thought didn't seem possible. All he could think about was Noah. Had something happened? Where was he? Why wasn't he sitting in the waiting room too? Was it grandma? Had something happened to her? Too many directions for his mind, and why did his father look so serious?

"Dad," he said coming up beside him. "Is something wrong? Where's Noah? Why are you still here…did something happen?"

"Easy Luke," Holden tried to soothe his son's nerves. "No need to panic. Noah's fine. He should be coming out of his appointment fairly soon. How did your session go?"

"It went fine," Luke said running a hand through his hair. "James suggested that there is something I need to talk to you about…but I don't' think I'm ready to. But you'll be there if and when I am right?"

"Always, Luke."

"Is Noah really okay?" Luke asked again. Holden wasn't' sure if he would ever get used to his son's ability to change a subject at the drop of a hat. "I was worried about leaving him home alone today, but he was fine when you got there right?"

Holden opened his mouth to speak, prepared to tell Luke what he needed to in order to keep his son calm. But he couldn't do that. The truth was Noah hadn't been okay when he got there, and as painful as that truth would be, he couldn't' keep it from Luke. "Why don't you come sit down," He said taking a hold of his son's arm.

Luke pulled away from his dad and glared at him. "No, why don't you tell me what's wrong. You didn't answer my question. Was Noah okay when you got there?"

"No," Holden said his voice soft as he looked at his son.

"What happened" Luke asked already growing frantic. "Was he hurt, or passed out? Is he okay?"

""Easy, Luke. He's fine, physically. "I got there before any damage could be done?"

"What is that su8pposed to mean?" Luke asked the panic clear in his voice. "What happened to Noah?"

"His dad was there," Holden explained. I could hear them arguing when I called, and apparently the Colonel took the phone from Noah. Luckily I was already in town so I swung by your apartment to check on him. "His father was just about to hit him, but I stopped him."

"He was about to hit him?" Luke exclaimed, clenching his fists. "He was going to hit Noah again? Did ne not get it the first time that he wasn't supposed to put his hands on him?"

Holden didn't miss a beat as he tried to calm his agitated son. "The crisis was averted, Luke and Noah was holding his own pretty well. He told his father off and then told him to get out of your home."

"And then what happened?" Luke asked. He could tell his father was hesitating, and that did nothing to calm his fears. "Dad, what happened after the Colonel left?"

"Noah suffered a panic attack," Holden admitted reluctantly.

"He what?" Luke said feeling like he couldn't breathe himself. "Where is he, I have to make sure he's okay."

"You need to calm down," Holden said placing his hands on Luke's shoulders. "You won't do yourself or Noah any good if you are this upset."

"I have every right to be upset," Luke insisted. "He…I can't believe he came into my home and tried to hit Noah again. Why does he keep doing this dad? Why can't he just accept that Noah and I are together and there's nothing he can do about it. I'm tired of this. If Noah is hurt I swear to god Dad…"

"James, help me out here," Holden called over Luke's shoulder. James was coming down the hall and he quickened his pace when he heard Luke's father call him.

"What's wrong? Luke what happened?"

"Noah's dad caused him to have a panic attack and he tried to hit him again. I am tired of this, James. I just want Noah to be okay and he obviously doesn't react well to his dad and I want it to stop."

James placed his hands on Luke's face to steady him. "First you need to stop and you need to breathe. "

Luke' lifted his hands and rested them on James' shoulders and his head bent as he tried to do what he was told. He needed to relax, he needed to release.

"That's it," James voice was soothing as he dropped his hands from Luke's face to his shoulders. "Just calm down. It's okay. Everything is okay."

"I'm just so scared for Noah," Luke admitted. "I can't stand Noah being hurt."

"I know," James continued, his voice controlled. "But Noah's not hurting Luke. He's just fine."

"Luke?" another voice joined the fray and Luke jumped turning to see Noah coming towards him. Impulsively he ran to give Noah a hug, only stopping at the last minute when he realized how awkward it would be.

"How did your appointment with the memory doctor go?" He asked trying to brush off the feeling of awkwardness.

"It went okay," Noah replied with a frown. "Are you alright? You seem a little frazzled.

"Your dad tried to hit you again?" Luke asked, his expression pained. "He didn't hurt you did he?"

"Its okay, Luke…really it was nothing."

"But Dad said you had a panic attack…" 

"Yeah and it's a good thing he was there, but I swear I'm alright. And I want you to be okay too so relax for me…okay. Can you do that?"

Noah's concern was like a balm on his frayed nerves.

"Nothing is going to happen to me, okay? You believe me?"

Luke nodded. It was nice that even though Noah didn't remember him, he still knew him on some level. That was about the only comfort he could take from this. Somehow someway Noah still knew…at least that much.

"Are you boys ready to get out of here," Holden's' voice invaded the quiet moment.

"Yeah," Luke said taking Noah's hand and pulling him over towards James. "First, I think you need to meet James," he said nodding towards his friend.

"Hi," Noah said, immediately noticing how expressive James' eyes were. "I've heard a lot about you. You talk to Luke on the phone right?"

"Yes, that's right. I'm also a friend of yours," James said smiling. "I must admit it's good to see you up and moving around."

"You helped Luke out while I was in the coma right?"

"I did what I could," James nodded.

"Thank you," Noah replied. "Thank you for being there for him."

"No need to thank me, Noah. That's what friends are for."

"Can we get out of here?" Luke sighed. "Hospitals make me crazy."

"Yeah, sure," Noah agreed. "Nice meeting you, James. I hope I get to talk to you again."

"Sure thing, Noah. Luke I'll see you in class on Thursday, and if you need me before then…you know how to get a hold of me."

"Thanks James," Luke smile as he pulled Noah away. Holden stood and watched them for a moment before turning to shake James' hand.

"Thank you, for working with him. I don't think he would have pulled through this without you."

"Just be patient with him, Mr. Snyder. Luke will come to you when he's ready. He's going to need your support in a big way."

Holden nodded and thanked James again for being a good friend to his sons. Then he too left the hospital. The boys were just getting into Luke's car when he reached the parking lot. "Hey Luke," he called as he jogged up to the vehicle. "Why don't you and Noah head out to the farm to relax for a little while. You can go sit by the pond. I know it's not really warm enough for you to take a walk around the pond, but you can at least sit in the car and take a breather before heading home."

"Thanks, dad," Luke said softly. "For everything."

Holden nodded and pulled his son in for a quick hug before watching him slip into the driver's seat. He watched them pull away before heading to his own car, and he followed his son back to Luther's Corners.

"It's beautiful out here," Noah complimented as they strolled around the path. "Did we used to come out here often?"

"We've been out here a few times, yes," Luke said, stopping for a moment to watch Noah. He was looking around with such wonder…just like the first time he had come to the farm. Luke remembered that day like it was yesterday and he wondered if the experience was sparking any memories for Noah.

"Did I like it out here?" Noah asked curiously. He was ahead of Luke and he stopped to let Luke catch up.

"Yeah you like coming out here as much as I do," Luke replied wistfully. It's definitely peaceful out here."

"So how was school," Noah asked after they walked in silence for a few minutes. Did you have a good day?"

"Class was great," Luke replied. We were talking about psychology and families today. It reminded me of what you and I were talking about last week. James and I led a discussion on how our parents actions whether we want them to or not reflect on us. And the picture is not always a good one. Sometimes it can be pristine and clear, but other times it's marred with cracks and scratches that are hard to eliminate."

"It's flawed," Noah said getting excited because he had found something he could talk to Luke about. "It's like…when you buy the perfect shelf. Everything is well proportioned, it's the right shape, the right size and all the pieces fit together nicely. And then you find out that it's discolored and there is a scratch on the surface. Now since this is an object you logically could take it back to the store and argue that you want a refund or a different shelf."

"But if it's a human being you can't trade it back in for a new model," Luke said smiling himself as he stopped and reached his hand out to stop Noah as well. "And you know that even though that shelf may be a little different, it still holds the same stuff as …"

"As the one that is perfect," Noah finished the thought. "The point being that imperfection is just a word and it means about as much as people make it mean. No one is perfect, but we're all people and our strengths and our weaknesses…"

"Come from within," Luke said softly. "We can either control them or give them the power to control us. And I think that's something that a lot of people don't get. In a lot of ways you really do control your own destiny. The plan can be written out for you in the stars but only you can make things happen. And in life…"

"And in life," Noah said picking up Luke's thought effortlessly, "No one learns to make right decisions without being free to make wrong ones."

"Yeah," Luke agreed. "Exactly." He sighed and placed his hands in his pockets. "Thank you," he said ducking his head for a moment.

"I don't think I did much," Noah said with a shrug.

"You did enough," Luke replied. "I think I'm calm now."

"Then can we go home?" Noah asked.

"Yeah. Yeah we can."

"Can I ask you something?" Noah asked as they headed back into town. Luke looked over at him for a moment before focusing on the road.

"Sure, you can ask me anything."

"Is there something going on between you and James?" Noah asked innocently.

"No," Luke said smiling as he shook his head. "What would make you ask such a thing?"

Noah shrugged. :"Just something I noticed at the hospital. I mean you two seemed really close."

Luke waited until they reached a red light to look at Noah. A frown settled on his lips. "What did you see exactly?"

"Well James had his hands on your face, and it just looked really intimate. And you calmed down for him and everything."

Luke nodded and put the car in drive again, waiting until they were closer to home before speaking again. "James and I are just friends. He has been a big help to me over these past few months. See his father, is a psychiatrist and a psychologist and well I've needed some help coping you could say."

"So James has been acting as your counselor then?" Noah inquired.

"Yeah," Luke confirmed. "And there was nothing intimate about what you saw earlier, though I can totally understand how it can be seen that way. When I am freaking out it's like I can't breathe and my senses go out of whack. I feel like I'm being lifted and spun in so many different directions. I described that feeling to James, and he touches me to keep me grounded. He tries to get me to focus so that I can regain my footing and steady myself. That's why you saw me put my hands on his shoulders and I lowered my head. In reality though, when it's all said and done there are few people who can really ground me at all."

"Really?" Noah asked. He was really intrigued by what Luke was saying. He wondered if this stuff had interested him before the accident.

"Yeah," Luke said smiling. "My dad is really good at calming me down most times. And then there's you."

"Me," Noah asked amazed.

"Yes Noah, you. You are about the only one who can keep me from losing it completely. I got through the past two months because I got to sit by your bedside and talk to you."

"What did you talk to me about?" Noah asked curiously."

"Anything and everything," Luke responded as he parked in front of their apartment complex. "I didn't make a decision without discussing it with you first because that's how we work. We talk things out. And while you couldn't answer me back, the fact that I could voice my thoughts and concerned helped me to make the right decisions."

"I hope I can remember all of that then, Noah admitted.

"Luke smiled as he opened their apartment door. "Me too."

He couldn't escape. No matter how hard he tried, no matter how hard he squirmed he couldn't push it way. It was like trying to push a brick wall…it wouldn't budge. He could feel the crushing weight overwhelm him and still he tried to wriggle free. "No..." He moaned, "Please just leave me alone…just stop…" he whimpered and shuddered before biting down on his lip. He would not scream he would not…

He felt hands touching him, but these ones were different…they were gentle and they didn't seem to want to harm him. He began to relax against those hands, hoping that somehow someway they would pull him out of all the pain.

"Luke," he heard his name being called and it was like a soft caress. He was being moved, back and forth, shaken quickly as if someone was trying to break him free. "Luke, come on, wake up…please you're scaring me."

Scared? That voice didn't know scared…not the type of fear he felt, but he tried to obey, tried to arouse himself…he wanted to make his captor let go. He wanted to follow the voice. The captor's hold on him was loosening and he could move again. He was still being shaken; by the voice…was that Noah calling to him?

""Luke…wake up, it's Noah. You're not in any danger here it's just me…wake up"

His eyes opened and there in front of him was a gaze of startling blue. There was concern in those eyes and it helped him to calm down, to wake up and remember where he was. He was at home.

In his apartment.

With Noah.

And he was safe.

"Noah," he said placing a hand on Noah's shoulder. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine now that you have woken up," Noah replied moving to sit on the couch. "Come on, sit up with me."

Luke reached out his hand which Noah took and pulled him into a seated position. He folded one leg beneath him and watched as Noah turned on the TV. "What are you doing?"" he asked shielding his eyes for a moment from the light on the screen.

"I'm going to sit here with you and watch TV," Noah replied as he tried to find something for them to watch. He found an old black and white movie and put the remote control down. "I figured we could maybe talk as well. Maybe if we talk about something you won't have time for bad dreams."

"You don't have to do that, Noah. You need your rest."

"I want to," Noah said as he wrapped an arm around Luke. Luke smiled and shifted so that he and Noah were just a little closer. If Noah wanted to hold him…he certainly wasn't going to say no.

"Can you tell me some of the things we used to do together?" Noah asked thirty minutes later.

Luke looked at him, his mouth opened wide for the moment. He wasn't really sure how to approach that question. It really could be taken in so many ways. "What do you mean?" he asked. "We did the typical things a couple does."

"So you mean we lived together, slept together and had sex together. Did I enjoy sex?"

Luke blushed despite himself. He knew that was ridiculous, that Noah was the last person he should be blushing around. He ducked his head a moment before facing Noah again. "Yes…you enjoyed sex very much."

"So," Noah pressed on innocently, "We had a very healthy sex life then."

"Ummm," Luke said his cheeks turning a deeper shade of red. "I think that's one way of putting it. Yeah, we had a very healthy sex life."

"SO the last two months were tough huh?" Noah said his voice laced with concern.

Luke frowned. "Actually…it's been a lot longer than two months…"

"Can I kiss you"" Noah asked interrupting Luke's flow of words. "Just to see if that brings back any memories for me."

Luke was thrown by the question but intrigued at the same time. He wondered if it was a good idea to indulge in this. Would it hinder any progress Noah was making, or would it help? He wanted to kiss him…wanted to feel those lips he'd missed for so long. But he was afraid of the unknown. This was Noah, but it wasn't Noah…and what if that difference was apparent from their kiss? He guessed there was really only one way to find out. He had to throw caution to the wind, and besides it could help Noah remember.

"I…I think that will be okay," he said his voice soft. We can try."

He couldn't help but hold his breath as Noah's hands touched his face. The last time they had kissed…he had been the one to initiate. He had surprised Noah with the gesture and that had been right before the accident. His heart was beating fast as Noah's fingers caressed his face and he could feel their faces getting closer.

There weren't any words to describe what that kiss felt like. It was soft, sweet, tender, exhilarating…intense and many other adjectives that he couldn't think of at the moment. But even more than that, this kiss was a gentle caress, a reunion of souls and of hearts. His hands moved to touch Noah as he deepened the kiss, allowing his tongue to slip into Noah's mouth.

He was completely lost in the moment. Nothing else mattered but this, the sensations he was feeling from Noah, the emotions that were rolling off of both of them as Noah's fingers slipped off his face, down his neck and to his shoulders. His body tensed up, but only for a second. Noah's touch was so gentle, so soft and unassuming…it was like being touched by a cloud or a warm blanket he just wanted to sink into.

Noah's arms continued to travel down until they encircled his waist and suddenly there was no more tension. There was just that feeling he had missed for so long now. It was warm in that embrace and he moaned contentedly into Noah's mouth.

He was sinking, drowning in the bliss of being in Noah's arms again and it overwhelmed him. Noah's fingers slid down his back sending shivers up his spine. His breath caught when those hands touched his flesh, and he marveled at how gentle the touch was. Those fingers…Noah's fingers stroked him softly and he was ready to give in, ready to completely lose himself in Noah.

Noah pulled away, but he didn't break contact. Luke found himself staring into sapphire eyes that were full of something…lust…desire...want. His head was swimming as he waited for Noah, knowing he would hang on every word.

"I…I want to touch you, Luke. I want to remember what it feels like to be with you…but only if you want me to."

Luke wanted to be loved. He wanted to remember what it was like to be touched by someone who loved him more than anything. He wanted to feel the tenderness…the passion…he wanted to chase away the fear. Noah was offering salvation and he wanted to grasp it and hold on to for as long as he was allowed. His heart was ready to heal…his body was ready to belong…to be with Noah.

He was swept away on a cloud of emotion as Noah kissed him again. All coherent thought was out the window, and he could feel only the exquisiteness of that featherlike touch. Noah's hands caressed his flesh, kneading and massaging as they explored. Shirts disappeared and Luke reveled at how good it felt to be pressed up against him again. He has missed this closeness, this connection, and yet even as Noah's hands descended he could feel the smallest knot of fear.

He wasn't afraid of Noah…he knew that as hands tugged at his pajama bottoms. He wanted those hands, wanted that touch, yet his last memory of the act still pained him. He wanted Noah to chase that away. He wanted him to untangle that knot of fear, banishing it completely and replacing it with love hope and security

Luke closed his eyes as Noah replaced his hands with his mouth. Those lips kissed Luke's collarbone, working their way down to his shoulders, and his chest. His breath hitched as a warm tongue touched his nipple, circling it, flicking it. Luke moaned contentedly as Noah's mouth continued to work its way down his length. He shivered at every lick, and every kiss made him sigh. It was exhilarating and he didn't want it to end, never wanted this feeling to go away.

It just didn't seem real, until Noah's hands touched his inner thigh and that knot seemed to get tighter but he felt removed from it, as if Noah's attention was pulling him towards something and he wanted to go…he wanted to go with Noah.

Noah's lips touched his shaft and he gasped it had been way too long and it felt so good, just that simple bit of connection. His breath caught as Noah cupped him in his hands and continued to trail his lips down to the tip. He kissed the tip, blowing on it lightly and Luke moaned as the feelings he hadn't felt in a long time overwhelmed him.

"Just breathe, Luke,"

He heard Noah's words and tried to comply but that was becoming increasingly difficult with every inch of him that disappeared inside Noah's mouth. Noah had a hold of his hips, and Luke allowed himself to touch Noah's hair, trying to guide his head as it began to bob up and down, up and down.

His fingers clutched at Noah's hair as the brunet sucked and bobbed. Luke's breathing was coming fast, and he knew it was only a matter of time before he reached the brink. "Noah," he gasped, as the other man picked up speed. "Noah, I'm…I'm going to…oh god, oh god Noah I'm gonna…"

He screamed…not once…not twice, but three times as he rode the waves of the orgasm. He watched as Noah swallowed it and sucked again as if trying to make sure he had gotten every single drop. When Noah kissed him again, he tasted of salt and semen and Luke couldn't get enough of it. He deepened the kiss and pulled at Noah's pajama bottoms…he had forgotten how good this felt.

He barely had time to catch his breath when Noah's fingers found his tight opening, and one digit slipped inside. He gasped and moaned and marveled at the exquisiteness of just that touch. There was no sign of the hurt, no roughness just gentle loving…just Noah. Noah brought his fingers to Luke's' mouth and he sucked on them until they were slick with saliva. He shuddered when Noah inserted one of those slick digits into his opening.

"Just relax" Noah's voice met his ears and he tried to obey as Noah added another finger, and then another loosening him up until he could slip all five fingers in and out without any trouble. His heart was beating fast for he knew what would come next. He felt a mixture of anticipation and trepidation at the thought of Noah being buried inside him.

He groaned when Noah withdrew his fingers and he felt strangely empty. It wasn't long though before he was filled with something even better than fingers. Tears came to his eyes as Noah entered him. Tears of joy and ecstasy. He felt complete and whole for the first time in months.

Noah nuzzled at his neck and he sank deeper into the embrace. This was nice; he had missed moments like these. He wanted to always be like this…with him opening his eyes to find himself in Noah's arms as they lay together on the couch.

That seemed wrong somehow.

He opened his eyes and suddenly the haze started to clear. They were in their apartment, on the couch, and he was wrapped in Noah's arms…Noah's strong, dependable, bare arms. He shifted so that he could look at Noah and immediately regretted making the move. It was all coming back to him now, the conversation, and Noah's questions...Noah's experiment.

"OH god," he said trying to pull away from Noah completely. It wasn't going to be that simple to detangle himself from his husband, and he realized that he would have to wake him up. He hated to do it, for Noah looked so peaceful…so beautiful in his sleep. Looking at him like this only managed to make him feel worse, and he placed a hand on Noah's shoulder giving it a firm shake.

"Noah, Noah please wake up. I…I can't move."

"Luke?"" Noah said waking up quickly. "Are you alright? What's wrong?" He was frowning and somehow even that managed to break Luke's heart.

"I'm sorry Noah, I didn't mean for any of this to happen. God, I'm so stupid I shouldn't have let it go this far. Will you forgive me? No wait what am I saying…I screwed up."

"Luke, you're confusing me," Noah said reaching out to touch Luke's shoulder.

Luke pulled back and shifted so he could slip away from Noah. "That shouldn't have happened," he said as he picked up his clothes off the floor.

"Luke?" He looked up to meet Noah's eyes and could tell the other man was confused. He wanted to kick himself for this. "Please tell me what's wrong, Luke? Is it something I did? Did I hurt you?"

Luke shook his head. "It just can't happen again, Noah. You didn't hurt me but we can't do this anymore."

"But…it was so good," Noah admitted. "Why can't we do it again? I don't understand."

Luke paused in his effort to pull his shirt over his head and smiled sadly. "It was good," he conceded. "IT was better than good…it was great. Very, very nice," he added softly, "but not right. I took advantage of you and I shouldn't have done that. And it can't happen again."

"Luke," Noah said slowly, "You didn't take advantage of me. I wanted it too."

"We should get dressed," Luke said with a sigh as he headed for the bedroom. He heard Noah come in as he looked for something to put on. He could feel those eyes on his back, but for the moment he was too angry at himself to turn around. He especially didn't want Noah to see the stinging tears in his eyes. He wished it was Thursday…though he wondered if he could make a surprise visit to see James, he needed to talk to someone about this.

Noah was pulling on a shirt when Luke turned around to watch. He waited for the brunet head to appear and offered an apologetic look. "You wanted to experiment, Noah. You wanted to see if you could recover any of your memories and I just…I got carried away."

"I liked the experimenting though," Noah assured him, a fond smile crossing his lips. "You may have gotten carried away, but it gave me pleasure to see you so relaxed and enjoying what we were doing."

Luke closed his eyes and hung his head for a moment. He wanted to believe what Noah was saying, but he couldn't reconcile the two sides. He loved what they had shared, loved every tender moment of it. But at the same time... He let the thought trail off and looked back up at Noah. "Did you come to any conclusions, Noah? With your experiment?"

"I learned that you're incredible," Noah replied keeping his tone light and soft. "And that our sex life was definitely not a problem." Luke bit his lip and blushed, ducking away from that intensely playful gaze. "I…I want to feel that closeness again," Noah continued, "and I want to see the look of complete bliss that comes over your face when you climax.

Luke's blush deepened and he dared not turn to face Noah again. "I'm going to be late for class," he muttered as he left the room. "I'll catch you later, Noah."

James was reading over his assignment for class when Luke walked in and took a seat. He watched his friend for a moment, trying to figure out exactly what he was going to say. James lifted his head to acknowledge Luke's presence and went back to reading. He had been meeting with Luke long enough to know that he would start talking when he was ready.

Luke couldn't sit still. He was fidgety and agitated and not sure even where to begin with what he wanted to say. What did he have to say? How did he even start explaining the turmoil that was his brain? He guessed the best thing to do was just to start talking.

"I had sex with Noah,"

James looked up and placed his paper down so he could focus on his friend. "You did what?"

"I had sex with Noah," Luke repeated, his head lowered as he twiddled his thumbs in his lap.

"How are you now, Luke? Tell me how you are feeling."

"Terrible."

"And why is that," James asked sitting back in his seat, his expression thoughtful.

"Because," Luke said with a sigh. "I took advantage of Noah. And by doing that it makes me no better…" Luke paused and lowered his head again. "Then…then him."

"Somehow I doubt that is a possibility, Luke," James said gently. "Can you explain it to me? How do you believe you took advantage of Noah? Was he not an active participant in this exchange?"

Luke frowned. "Well, I had another nightmare so Noah came out and we watched TV together. Anyway we were talking and he asked about our sex life. I explained that to him the best I could and then he asked me if he could kiss me…he wanted to experiment."

"And," James said encouraging him to continue.

"It was supposed to be an experiment…but, I should have known better, James. Noah doesn't remember right now that…a kiss is never just a kiss with us. It's this incredible moment that leads to other incredible moments…and I got caught up in it. All I wanted to do was to get lost and let Noah make all the bad memories go away. I used him…and that's not right."

"Is that how Noah sees it?" James inquired.

"He said he wanted to experiment," Luke said looking up to meet James' gaze.

"IF that's the case then you weren't taking advantage of him. It seems to me that he wants to experiment. He wants to learn what makes you happy and what makes you feel good. He may not know that a kiss is more than a kiss, but as long as he was actively participating and not pushing you away, then you were not taking advantage of him."

"That's what it feels like to me though," Luke protested.

"Why?" James asked curiously. "Why do you feel bad for wanting him that way?"

"It's not right to force the connection, James. "

We don't know when Noah will regain his memory," James pointed out, as he leaned forward, placing his elbow on the table and his chin in his hand, "and we don't know what will trigger it. In the meantime you and Noah are faced with trying to reconnect with each other or more accurately connect again. As long as Noah is an active, willing participant you aren't forcing anything."

"I just feel bad."

"And I get that," James admitted. "I can understand you feeling badly for wanting that, but you can't blame yourself for getting caught up in the moment and in the feelings you were experiencing. Putting distance between you and Noah is only going to confuse him."

"I'm already confusing him though, aren't I? Luke asked sadly.

"How do you figure that?" James inquired?

"By delving into our relationship as sexual beings without any regards to the emotions that are attached," Luke explained. "I mean…as far as Noah knows, I'm a stranger. We have this connection, which is great…I love that he somehow, on some level remembers but…I'm a stranger to him and it has to be really confusing that I have all these strong feelings that he can't return. So I didn't help matters."

"You don't know that he can't return those feelings," James pointed out. "Just because he doesn't remember things doesn't mean he can't feel them. Do you not think it's possible that he might be falling in love with you all over again? We discussed that before, remember."

"Yeah," Luke admitted. "But it's only been a week James."

"Don't put Noah's feelings on yourself, Luke. He is a human being and more than capable of making up his own mind."

"I know," Luke sighed. "I just don't know, James. It's just so much and I don't know if I am doing it right or if there is more I should do or if you are right, and Noah is falling for me again, which I can deal with that. I…I love Noah and last night he reminded me how incredible and how nice sex can be. I guess I'm just afraid."

"And that's okay," James assured him. "It's okay to be scared, but don't let your fears come between you and Noah, and the joy you have with each other. If you do that, then he wins." James emphasized knowing that Luke knew exactly what he was talking about. "He already took your joy once, are you willing to let him do it again?"

"He's already won…hasn't he?" Luke asked thoughtfully. "I'm a wreck, James. "I can't even say his name, nor can I bear to hear it without cringing. I can't stand the sight of him, he makes me want to vomit and I can't even talk about what happened. And the sad thing is I don't know how to take the control back. I want to…I don't want to be so afraid, but I don't know how to be anything else."

"He hasn't' won, Luke, not yet. And we aren't going to let him win. You've made a lot of progress since we started these sessions. Maybe you can't say his name yet, but you'll get there. I think the fact that you want to vomit when you see him is a natural feeling. And let's not forget you did talk about it; you talked to Maddie and you told Noah. You haven't said the words to me, but I have a pretty good idea of what has happened. You are taking back control, one day at a time."

"It doesn't seem like it," Luke said crossing his arms.

"You didn't let him stop you from going back to school," James reminded him. "And its baby steps at this point, but that is how we learn to walk…baby steps."

"Right," Luke agreed softly, "baby steps." He was silent for a moment, thinking about all he and James had talked about so far. Talking about "Him" reminded Luke that there was something else he had wanted to run past James. "He's been hanging around Noah?" he said, leaning forward so his elbows rested on his lap. His hands were clasped under his chin as he continued. "Ever since last week he calls him or he will stop by and I just don't like it. I feel like he's' trying to worm his way back into my life and he's using Noah to do it."

James frowned. "I'm sure that I don't need to tell you that Noah has to make his own decisions about who he's friends with. He'll have to make those calls; you can't make them for him. You just have to trust that he will make the right decision there. You can tell him that you are not comfortable being around "him", but you know Noah is going to ask questions and want answers."

"We've already travelled that road…I know I can't pick and choose who he hangs out with. I don't' want to stop him from hanging out with people…I just don't trust "him."

"I Know you don't, Luke. But you have to trust in Noah. The only other alternative is to find a way to put some distance between Noah and yourself."

"I don't think I want to know what you mean by that," Luke said frowning.

"If you can't trust Noah's decisions, then you should think about maybe either you or Noah moving out for awhile."

"I don't want to do that," Luke exclaimed, appalled at the thought. I can't stand that idea because it was hell just being close to him and not having him answer me back. I don't want to think about us not being in the same place, James. I can't do that."

"Then put your trust in him, Luke. He may not remember things, but amnesia doesn't change the innate person that Noah is. The fact that he feels a connection to you, and wants to be with you, and from what your dad said yesterday, very protective of you, are very positive things."

"Thanks, James."

"No problem. That's what I'm here for. To help you talk through and work through what you're feeling. Always remember I'm on your side."

"I know," Luke said a soft smile crossing his lips. "And I appreciate it a lot. Do you think that what we did was really okay?" he asked after a moment's thought. "I mean, I don't want to screw up and I certainly don't want to hinder his progress."

"I don't see how you could hinder his progress by having sex, Luke. It's a natural part of your relationship and if I thought it was going to hamper progress for either of you, I would tell you not to even entertain the thought."

"Good point," Luke smiled. "I have a lot to think about then. I just know how easy it will be for me to fall in love with him again, James."

"You do have a lot to think about," James agreed."Just remember that I am here if you need to talk and I truly believe that you and Noah will make your relationship work. I know you love him…just trust in that. Trust in yourself and in Noah."

"I do trust Noah," Luke informed him. "That hasn't changed. I'd trust Noah with my life, even today, despite the fact that that he doesn't remember me completely. I still know I'm safe with him. It's me that I have the problem with…but I guess that's a discussion for another day, right."

"I'm afraid so, my friend," James said smiling. "I think it's safe to count this as tomorrow's session so you don't have to come for one tomorrow. Which actually works, because tomorrow is Valentine's Day?" Luke laughed and winked before growing serious again. "But about trusting yourself, that will come with time. That's what we're working on during the sessions. Rebuilding that trust in yourself."

"Can I ask one final question?"

"You just did," James teased.

"Ha-ha," Luke laughed despite himself. "Seriously though, I want to invite you and Maddie over for dinner. You can get to know Noah; you never had a chance to do that."

"Absolutely," James accepted. "I would love that. Let me talk to Maddie and one of us will let you know when we can make it. I am anxious to spend some time getting to know Noah. He seems like a great guy."

"Yeah, he is," Luke agreed. "Thank you, so much James. I can't say that enough."

"No thanks necessary, Luke. Now go home…to Noah."

He was sitting in the same position he had been in since Luke left. On the couch, his legs tucked under him and his elbow resting on the armrest. His hand was holding up his head and he was frowning. He just couldn't figure it out. Had he done something wrong? Was Luke mad at him? He didn't seem angry…just freaked, but why? What was it about what they did that freaked him out so much. And how did he make Luke understand that he had wanted it?

Luke seemed to think that he had taken advantage of the situation but that didn't make sense to Noah. How could he think that when it was Noah himself who had imitated everything?

A knock on the door interrupted Noah's thought process. He unfolded his legs and stood, stretching as he headed to the door. "Hey," he said opening the door wide. "Shouldn't you be at work right now?"

"I had the day off," Randy said shrugging his shoulders. "I figured I would stop by to see how my good buddy is doing? Is it okay if I come in?"

"I don't know," Noah said frowning. "Luke's not here and I know he's uncomfortable having you near…"

Randy brushed past him before Noah could finish speaking. "Luke needs a chill pill," he said as Noah closed the door. "I'm your friend, and this is your place too. So if you want me here, then I stay. Why do you look so down anyway? And where's Luke."

"He's in class," Noah said running a hand through his hair. "I'm not sure when he will be home though. And I'm not really in the mood for company so you'll have to find another place to hang out."

"Come on, Noah," Randy said patting the seat beside him. "I wouldn't be a good friend if I didn't at least try to help my friend. Luke doesn't need to know I was here, and you look like you have a question to ask me. Am I right?"

Noah knitted his brow thoughtfully as he looked at Randy. He couldn't think of any other reason why he couldn't be here, and he would make sure he was gone before Luke got back. He didn't want to upset Luke. "Well," he said slowly as he came to sit down, "I was kinda thinking about something when you came in."

"Oh?" Randy asked, making himself comfortable on the couch."

"Well, I don't know if I really should be talking to you about this. I mean it's kinda private, and it isn't anything anyone needs to know. Besides I probably should just wait for Luke comes home to discuss it. We can figure it out and I think he's the only one who can help me not be confused."

"But that's what friends are for Noah," Randy retorted. "You, Luke, Maddie and I are great friends and we look out for each other."

"We are?" Noah asked, frowning. Maddie had changed the subject when he had brought up Randy's name before. "We do?"

"Yes," Randy replied. "We've had plenty of dinners together and we took horseback riding lessons together. I'm sure Luke wouldn't mind if you filled me in on what's going on. He used to confide in me all the time himself."

"Well…if you're sure that Luke won't mind," Noah said hesitantly.

"Relax Noah it will be fine," Randy said again. "Now tell me what has you so preoccupied?"

"Well," Noah said tucking his leg beneath him, "I want to tell Luke that I want to be with him, but I am not sure how to do that." He said finally deciding to take the simple approach. He didn't have to give Randy all the details…those were his and Luke's private moments and they were going to stay that way. "I don't remember what Luke and I were to each other before this, but I am attracted to him now. I want to tell him that. Do you have any idea what I need to do?"

"OH I can help with that," Randy said smiling. "No worries Noah, if you just listen to me I am sure you will have Luke where you want him in no time."

"How?" Noah asked, glad that he was going to get some insight here. He wanted to let Luke know that he was interested.

"Well, something I learned from when Luke and I dated-"

"Wait," Noah said cutting him off. "You dated him?"

"Yes, right before you snagged him actually. "He's quite the animal, that Luke."

"Yeah?" Noah asked intrigued. He was learning about an entirely different side of Luke here. "I can't picture Luke being animalistic at all. And is that why you two don't get along now? Did you have a bad breakup?"

"Something like that," Randy replied sadly. "We didn't part on good terms…but we weren't talking about me. If you want to let Luke know you want him you have to be the dominant one."

"I don't know," Noah said frowning. "I don't think Luke would like that at all. Are you sure?"

Randy laughed. "Yes, I'm positive. Look tonight all you need to do is get him pinned to the ground. He likes that a lot. And when he fights you, keep going, he loves it rough. And believe me he will put up a fight but in the end you will win and he will reward you for it."

Noah raised an eyebrow in wonder at what Randy was saying. It didn't sound like Luke to him, but Randy wouldn't tell him something that wasn't right would he?"

"Seriously, Man, Luke would be putty in your hands if you did this. You should try it tonight

"Listen, Randy thanks for the advice. I will think about what you said, but I really think you should head out before Luke get's back. I don't think it would be good for him to find you here."

"Okay, I'll go," Randy said smiling as he stood. "But take my advice okay? Just do it tonight, you'll see. You can't go wrong with this plan. You want Luke don't you?"

"Yeah," Noah said, a smile tugging at his lips. "I think I'm falling for him…I mean it's too early really to know that, but…yeah it's there."

"Good," Randy said patting Noah on the back before heading for the door. "Then now is the time to let him know who he belongs to."

"Bye Randy."

Noah closed the door and returned to his seat on the couch. He folded his legs beneath him and leaned his arm on the armrest; his head nestled in his hair. He replayed Randy's words in his head, trying to get a feel for what he could do to win Luke over. He wanted to…he truly did think that he was becoming attached to Luke. He wanted to let him know that he wasn't taking advantage of him, and if this was something that Luke liked…

He looked towards the door a few times, expecting Luke to walk in any minute. He wasn't even sure how long Luke had been gone, and he didn't know his schedule for Wednesdays. A yawn escaped his lips and he shifted on the couch so his head could rest against the armrest. Almost immediately his eyelids grew heavy and he gave in to the urge to sleep with thoughts of Luke heavy on his mind.

"Noah," Luke called as he entered the house. "Noah I'm home. Where are you?"

"Right here," Noah said lifting his head up off the couch. He rubbed his eyes and smiled. "Hi. How was your morning?"

"I'm sorry about earlier," Luke said passing by Noah to go to the kitchen. Noah unfolded himself off the couch and followed behind him. I brought us back something to eat. I figured today could be Chinese Food day and then tomorrow we cook together again."

"That sounds like a plan to me," Noah said leaning against the island that separated him from Luke.

Luke moved around to get utensils and plates, as he tried to figure out how to approach what they needed to talk about. "Noah I..."

"Luke I..." They smiled realizing that they had spoken at the same time. "You first," Noah told him.

"Okay, I just wanted to apologize for this morning. I didn't mean to freak out on you like that. I was just worried that I was taking advantage of you."

"You weren't," Noah said shaking his head. "I wanted it too, Luke."

"I know."

"And I want it again," Noah said coming to stand in front of Luke. He took the plates out of his hands and placed them aside, and pulled Luke into his embrace.

"Noah, what are you doing?" Luke asked, trying to decide if he wanted to smile or frown.

"I just want to kiss you," Noah said leaning in to capture Luke's lips.

Luke smiled against Noah's mouth, and quickly started to lose himself in the intensity of the moment. His arms went around Noah's neck and he deepened the kiss slightly. When Noah's arms tightened around his waist he knew they needed to slow things down.

His arms dropped, his hands touching Noah's chest to gently push him away. "I think that's enough," he said trying to catch his breath. "We need to stop now."

He was caught completely off guard when instead of backing off Noah kissed him again and pulled him back into the embrace.

"Mmmm, Noah, please we really need to stop this," Luke gasped when his lips were free from Noah's again.

Noah's mouth found his again and those hands slid down to the hem of Luke's shirt, pulling it up to expose flesh. Despite himself Luke tensed and tried once more to get Noah to let go. He pushed on his chest but the man was persistent and Luke felt himself falling to his knees.

"Noah," Luke managed to get out before Noah tugged on his shirt again pulling it over Luke's head. Those hands continued to touch, and the kisses continued to come until Luke felt overwhelmed. He wasn't quite sure what emotions were running through him at the moment…but he could sense that one of them was fear.

"Stop," he cried as his head hit the floor and those hands went for the button on his jeans. He didn't' like the look he saw in Noah's eyes, it was unnerving. Those blue eyes seemed like they were in a trance, and nothing was more important then what he was doing. He was afraid of those eyes.

He heard his jeans rip and he wanted to cry. Not again…this wasn't happening again, he couldn't let it. He tried to move, wanted to get up and fight but Noah had him pinned to the floor, his knees keeping him in place. Tears burned his eyes as he watched Noah pull off the rest of his jeans, then undress himself. When he felt the heavy weight of Noah's body on top of him and those lips now turned rough kissing him again he lost it.

"NO, No No NO No Stop!" he screamed, using every bit of strength he could muster to push Noah off of him. He scrambled away before Noah could recover his surprise and his hand hit the island to steady himself. "WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO HURT ME" He cried, his eyes looking straight at Noah, the man he loved…the man who up until this very moment had been the only one he could trust. "YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED….TO HURT ME NOAH. WHY DID YOU DO THAT?"

"Luke….I…" Noah stood up; he was completely confused and terrified by the look in Luke's eyes. Had he put that look there? "I'm…I'm sorry…"" he said as he moved towards the Island.

"You stay right there," Luke said, unable to keep himself from crying. "Don't you…dare come near me! You stay away from me." Even as he spoke he was backing up, away from Noah and his heart hurt. His back hit the wall and he jumped and turned to leave the kitchen. He heard Noah call his name and he turned to him one last time. "I thought you loved me."

Noah heard the bedroom door slam and it was like a gunshot to his heart. He would be haunted by the look in Luke's eyes for a very long time, and he was kicking himself for putting it there. "I thought you loved me," Luke's words in his mind as he collapsed to the floor and curled up into the fetal position….and he cried.


	24. Chapter 24

He couldn't stop trembling. His fingers were shaking so much that he misdialed the number three times before he got it right. His breathing was erratic and his heart was beating so quickly he was surprised it didn't break through. There was only one word to describe what he felt at the moment.

He was terrified.

And as he sat locked in his bedroom with the phone pressed to his ear he tried to figure out why he was so scared. Surely there had to be a better explanation for it than what just happened. Because what just happened couldn't have happened…it was too painful to think about. The phone was ringing and he hoped the call didn't go to voice mail. If ever there was a time he needed to talk it was now

"So where are we going?" Maddie asked even as James' cell phone started ringing.

"We have reservations at the Lakeview," James replied as he answered his call without looking at the caller id. "This is James. "Luke?" He said looking at Maddie with a worried expression on his face. "Luke, calm down…what's wrong?"

"I…I need to talk to you right away" Luke's panicked voice replied. "I just…Noah…and he…I…please." Luke took a deep breath, he was trying his hardest not to cry. "I just need to talk"

"Luke," James said even as he turned his car around. "Just breathe; okay…Maddie and I are on our way over. "Is Noah there?"

"He's in the kitchen," Luke told him. I left him in the kitchen."

Maddie was getting concerned too, she could hear her best friend's voice, and he didn't sound good. She took the phone from James so that he could concentrate on driving and told Luke they would be there soon.

"Sorry we have to cut tonight short Love," James said as Maddie handed him back his phone.

Maddie smiled. I think helping our friends will be more rewarding than dinner at the Lakeview. What do you think is wrong?"

"Don't know," James said as he pulled into the parking lot of the apartment complex. "But if Luke's voice was any indication, it's not good."

Maddie frowned as they headed up to their friends' apartment. James was poised to knock when Maddie silenced him, and Knelt down to look under the doormat. The spare key was exactly where she had thought it would be and she smiled at her victory.

The apartment was eerily quiet as they entered. Maddie closed and locked the door as James immediately tried to figure out what could have happened. "You go talk to Noah," He told Maddie as he headed to the closed bedroom door. "I'll get Luke, and maybe we can figure out what happened here."

"Aren't you forgetting something," Maddie asked following him to the door. She turned him around and pulled him down for a kiss. James smiled, and kissed her once more before sending her off to the kitchen. It was time to check on their friends. He was trying to figure out what could have happened between the time he saw Luke earlier and now to freak Luke out so much.

"Luke," He called as he knocked on the bedroom door. He tried the doorknob, and frowned when he found it locked. "Luke, its James…let me in."

Luke jumped at the sound of knocking on the door, but he relaxed when heard James' voice. He forced himself to get up long enough to unlock the door. He turned the lock and quickly returned to his bed where he sat with one leg folded beneath him and the other raised to his chest. He had somewhat managed to get his trembling under control, but his thoughts were still racing with the memories of what happened earlier.

He was resting his chin on his knee when James entered the room and closed the door behind him. He watched his friend's approach, but said not a word. Truthfully he didn't' know what to say…he had just been so scared when he made that phone call and now? He wondered if he should have done it. James had been with Maddie, and he couldn't help but wonder if perhaps he had ruined their plans. Just that quickly he felt foolish and he leveled his gaze at James to see what the other man thought of him.

"Are you okay?" James asked taking a seat on the bed.

Luke shook his head and hugged his leg tighter. "I don't know what I am anymore James, I'm so confused."

"Tell me what happened."

Luke took a deep breath and frowned. He wasn't really certain how to explain what had transpired a few minutes before. How could he when he didn't quite understand. "I would," He said looking at his friend, "IF I could figure it out myself. It just doesn't make sense though."

"Alright," James said patiently. "Well let's start at the beginning. When you left me, you were fine. You were going to get something to eat for you and Noah. Did you do that?"

"I brought home Chinese," Luke said nodding as he spoke. Noah was on the couch sleeping when I walked in"

"Okay. Did anything seem to be wrong? Did you notice anything strange?"

"NO…he was just waking up. He must have fallen asleep while he was waiting for me to get back."

"And what happened after that?" James inquired. Did you go in the kitchen to eat? Or were you sitting on the couch with him…tell me?"

Luke sighed and closed his eyes, trying to focus on what James wanted to know. "He asked me about my day and I apologized for this morning. I did go in the kitchen and he followed me after I asked him if Chinese food was okay. We ended up speaking at the same time at one point," Luke smiled sadly. He had something he wanted to say to me and I had something to say too. He let me go first."

"Good. What did you tell him?"

"Well," Luke started, "I apologized for freaking out on him this morning. I explained why I was concerned about taking advantage of him and everything."

"That's good, Luke," James encouraged. "How did Noah respond to what you said?"

"He said I wasn't taking advantage of him," Luke admitted softly. HE said he wanted it too."

It didn't go unnoticed by James that Luke hugged himself tighter as he spoke. There was more going on here, and James knew he needed to get to the bottom of it. "Okay Luke, you said he had something he wanted to tell you as well. What was it that Noah wanted to say?"

"I…I don't know," Luke whispered. "He said he wanted to do it again…and he came and we embraced…and I asked him what he was doing and he said he just wanted to kiss me."

"What happened after that, Luke?" James proved gently. "You would not be sitting in your bedroom with the door locked, calling me in a blind panic if it were as simple as Noah kissing you again."

"I told him to stop," Luke admitted. He was lost in the memory of what happened and his arms crushed his knee against his chest. "I was getting caught up in it again and I told him we should stop.

"What happened after you told him to stop?"

"He kissed me again."

"Luke," James said placing a hand on Luke's shoulder to get his attention. "You and I have been together in sessions long enough for me to know you're holding something back here. I know you were upset this morning, because you felt like you had taken advantage of Noah, but we talked about that and we worked through it. I suspect there is something more here than just Noah kissing you. I can't help you if you're not open with me."

Luke swallowed his fear and looked his friend straight in the eye. He knew James was right. He had to tell him…even if it was hard to say. "He forced himself on me," he said his voice barely above a whisper.

"He forced himself on you?" James repeated, trying not to sound as surprised as he felt. To him that was coming out of left field and it did not sound like the Noah he had heard so much about over the last few months. "What? Why on earth would he do that? That doesn't sound like something Noah would do…which I would guess is partly why you are freaking out over it. Did he explain anything to explain his actions?"

"I don't know," Luke said getting agitated. HE dropped his knee and got up to pace the floor. "We were kissing and I told him that we should stop and even pulled away from him, but he kept pulling me back in. He just kept kissing and touching and then he pulled me to the floor and he…he…" Luke shuddered and hugged himself but he didn't sit back down. He stood there in the middle of the floor and looked down at the patterns on the rug. "He had my shirt off and he ripped my jeans and it was like his eyes just changed, James. I didn't know him anymore. He wasn't hearing me…he didn't hear me say stop and he just kept going and then he ripped my jeans and I don't know…he had me pinned there and I just couldn't let it happen. I was not going to go through that again and…and I pushed him off and got out of the way..."

"You are safe, Luke," James interrupted the flow of words. "He didn't physically hurt you, right?"

"No," Luke said not wanting to think about it anymore.

"This just doesn't make any sense whatsoever," James commented. "Noah has been so very protective of you and wanting to make sure that you were safe. His actions this afternoon are just so out of character. There has to be something that we don't know," he mused. "Perhaps he has had some memory flash that he didn't tell you about? We know that his father is very aggressive…so it's possible…Let me go find Maddie and see if she has talked to Noah."

"No, James," Luke exclaimed. "I don't…I don't…" Luke stopped, realizing he didn't know what he wanted anymore.

"Luke," James said keeping his voice calm, "I'm not leaving you. We need to get some answers as to what provoked this behavior from Noah. I cannot in good conscience leave you here if I don't think you will be safe. I'm just going to go see what I can find out and then I will be back okay?"

'I'm just…I'm scared," Luke admitted. "I don't want to be scared, but I am. I don't know what made Noah do that, but it didn't' seem like him and I don't want to talk to him."

"You don't have to talk to him right now," James soothed. "I know you're scared, and I completely understand you being scared. We'll figure this out, I promise you Luke we will get to the bottom of this."

"Okay," Luke said taking a deep breath. "Okay. You don't think I'm blowing this out of proportion do you? I'm…I'm not overreacting right? I just…I feel so stupid."

"You are not stupid, Luke. I don't think you are blowing this out of proportion at all. You have been through a major trauma and it's perfectly natural for you to react this way. Luke nodded silently. "Okay, you stay here," James instructed, "and try to catch your breath. Try to calm down while you're at it and I'll be back shortly."

Luke nodded again, he was still hugging himself as James left the room…but he was trying to calm down…he wanted to be able to breathe.

He cried until he couldn't cry anymore…and even then he was still crying on the inside. He felt so lost and alone and he didn't really know what to do about it. What would he do about it? He wished he had his memory back…then he would know how to handle this. Surely he and Luke had run into rough patches before? But this wasn't just a patch was it? He had done something but he wasn't quite certain what…and now Luke didn't' want to be anywhere near him. Just thinking about that made his heart break even more and he curled himself tighter into a ball.

Maddie didn't know what to expect when she entered the kitchen. She surveyed the room for a moment, spotting the bags of takeout sitting on the counter, and the plates that sat by the sink. She spotted Noah after further observation and retreated to the living room to get a blanket.

Noah felt a gentle hand on his shoulder, and looked up to see Maddie knelling beside him. He felt the blanket she had placed on top of him, and he wrapped it around himself as he sat up. Maddie's heart went out to him; he looked so sad and broken.

"Noah, are you okay? Are you hurt?"

"Just my heart," Noah replied weakly. "But that's my own stupid fault. I think my head hurts a little too…but again, that's my own stupidity…so I guess I'm not hurt. What…what are you doing here?" he asked after a moment's pause.

"Luke called James and he sounded very upset," Maddie explained keeping her tone soft. "We came to check on you guys and make sure you were okay. James is with Luke now trying to calm him down…he was very panicked when he called."

"Oh," Noah said sadly.

"Can you tell me what happened to upset him so badly?"

"Noah sighed as he pulled the blanket tighter around him. He didn't answer her as he lifted himself off the floor, and started looking for his own clothes. He found them easily enough, and finally turned his attention to her. "I don't really understand it myself, Maddie."

Maddie could tell by his tone of voice that he was being sincere. "Let's go sit down on the sofa, okay? And you can start at the beginning and tell me what happened."

"Okay," Noah agreed. "Let me get dressed first though."

"That's fine, Noah," Maddie assured him. "I will wait right here while you get dressed. Just call me when you are ready."

When Noah left the kitchen, Maddie took a moment to tidy things up. She stuck the Chinese food in the refrigerator and put the plates back into the cupboard. If the boys were hungry later, she would get them something to eat, but she didn't want their food to go to waste either. She was just wiping off the countertop when Noah poked his head into the kitchen to let her know he was dressed.

"I'll be right nut," she said smiling. She finished up with the counter and folded the dishrag over the sink before heading for the living room. Noah was sitting on the couch with one leg folded beneath him and his elbow resting on the armrest. "Okay, Noah," she said taking a seat beside him. "Tell me everything that has happened today. Don't leave anything out."

"You want me to start from this morning?" Noah asked with a sigh. "When Luke said we couldn't have sex again."

That one threw Maddie for a loop and she blinked back her surprise. "Wait…you and Luke had sex? When did that happen?"

"Well," Noah said frowning, "Yesterday…last night Luke had another nightmare so…I came out and decided we were going to watch television. We started talking and I asked him questions about the things we do together. Then I asked him if I could kiss him as an experiment. He said we could try…and things kinda happened from there."

"Ah, I see," Maddie said listening closely.

"It was a very nice," Noah said smiling. "Very passionate and powerful…for both of us, but then the next morning…this morning Luke freaked."

"Freaked how?" Maddie frowned.

"He said it couldn't happen again because he was taking advantage of me." Noah explained. "He woke me up frantically, because he couldn't move and then he grabbed his clothes to get dressed…and that's all he said. That he didn't want to take advantage of me."

"Hmmm," Maddie nodded her expression thoughtful. "That sounds like Luke. He would think that. He is so protective of you, Noah. He doesn't want to do anything that might hurt you in regaining your memory, and I am guessing that you have no memory of what you and Luke experienced before the accident right?"

"NO," Noah said shaking his head. "I don't. Do you think that is why he was so afraid? Because I told him he wasn't taking advantage of me. I…I liked what we shared yesterday and I initiated it. I tried to tell him that but he said he had to go and he left."

"He's always leaving," Maddie muttered under her breath.

"Excuse me?" Noah asked

"Nothing," Maddie said with a sigh. "I have no doubt that you liked it, Noah," she said letting the smile return to her face. "And I would hazard a guess that Luke enjoyed himself as well."

"He said he did," Noah sighed. "That's why this is so confusing. I just don't understand what's going on. I mean if he liked it why would he leave?"

Maddie chewed her lip for a moment as she tried to figure out the best way to explain Luke to Noah. "Alrighty," she started, placing a hand on Noah's knee, "You will come to understand eventually that Luke's mind doesn't always take the same path as most people. Where you and I see it as no harm done because you both enjoyed it, his take is that he is using you because you have no memory of your past relationship. Don't ask me why his mind works that way, just understand that it does."

"Okay," Noah agreed. He was trying to make sense of all Maddie was saying. "I can try."

"Good," Maddie praised. "Now, there has to be more to it than just that. I know Luke; he wouldn't have had a major freak out like this over that. He would have talked to James earlier in the day."

"That makes sense," Noah said sadly. "He said James is able to help him sort things out."

"James is a good guy," Maddie agreed. "He cared about Luke and he cared about you as well. Now, you said he went out? Tell me what happened while he was gone and what happened when he got back."

"Well," Noah said running his fingers through his hair, "I was just sitting here on the couch thinking about what had happened, and wondering what I had done to upset Luke. Because I really did like what we did, Maddie and I think…that even though it's only been a week, I'm starting to fall for Luke and I wanted to tell him that. But anyway," he said with a sigh, "I was confused and didn't know what to think of him freaking out like that. And that's when there was a knock on the door."

"Okay," Maddie said trying to make sure she kept all this straight. "SO you were trying to figure out what had made Luke run after you guys had sex. I'm with you so far. Who was at the door?"

"Randy stopped by," Noah told her.

"Randy," Maddie exclaimed. "What on earthy did he want?"

Noah blinked a little bewildered by the tone Maddie was using. It didn't sound like the tone of someone asking about their good friend. "Okay, I'm confused," he said shaking his head. "Randy said that we're all good friends. You, me, Luke and him. But you don't sound like you like him much."

Maddie's frown deepened as alarm bells went off in her head. "He told you that we're all good friends? Argggh," she groaned, "The nerve of that guy."

"So we're not good friends?"

"No, Noah, we're not all friends." She said with a heavy sigh. "I work with him, nothing more. Luke can't stand him, with good reason, but I can't get into that at the moment. And you, well, why don't you tell me what else he had to say. Somehow I have the distinct feeling I'm not going to like this at all."

Noah frowned. Now he felt utterly confused, but he hoped that maybe Maddie would be able to help sort it out for him. "Well he wanted to come in, but I told him that it probably wasn't a good idea because I know Luke is uncomfortable with him here. But he made his way in anyway, and sat down on the couch. And he noticed that I looked down so he asked me what was wrong. And I wasn't going to tell him," Noah added quickly. "Because I figured that it was between me and Luke. And well no one should know about our sex-life but us…right?

"Absolutely," Maddie said recovering quickly from Noah's admission. "That is very personal Noah. I love you guys, but I don't want to know what goes on in your bedroom."

"OH," Noah said bashfully. "Sorry."

"Maddie touched his knee again and gave it a squeeze. "Don't worry about it. The fact that you and Luke are having sex is not a new concept, Noah. I just don't want all the gory details. Now what did you tell Randy about why you were down?"

"All I told Randy was that I wanted to let Luke know that I want to be with him, but I wasn't sure how to do it. I figured Randy didn't need to know everything else."

"Right," Maddie agreed. She was glad that even without his memory; Noah seemed protective of his and Luke's privacy. "So what did Randy have to say?"

"He told me that he could help me with that." Noah frowned and looked towards the bedroom where he knew Luke was. It made him sad to think that he had done something to make Luke that upset.

"Noah," Maddie called, "Focus on me. James is with Luke, we will get this worked out. Now keep going. What did Randy say?"

He turned back to Maddie and tried to follow instructions. "He said that with his help I would have Luke where I wanted him in o time."

"What's that supposed to mean exactly," Maddie asked warily.

Noah shook his head. He really didn't know what to think anymore end there was something he needed to ask. "Did Luke and Randy date?" he inquired. "Because that doesn't seem to fit with what Luke said about us. But Randy said that he dated Luke first."

Maddie was shocked. She shook her head vehemently. "No, Noah…Luke and Randy didn't date. They had dinner with you and me, a couple of times, but it was very casual and I know Luke never saw him as date material."

Noah was stunned. He didn't know what question he wanted to focus on next…but it seemed imperative that he worry about Luke. Anything else he could figure out later. "He didn't?" he asked in response to Maddie's statement.

"He wanted to be Rand's friend, Noah, nothing more. If Randy made it out to be more than that, he lied."

"He lied?" Noah said starting to get scared. "Are you sure? Like maybe there's something that even you didn't know...that Luke didn't say?"

"Luke is the most honest person I know, Noah. I am absolutely sure."

"I was afraid you would say that," Noah sighed. "OH man." He turned away from Maddie and silence fell over the room. There were so many thoughts running through his head now and he just felt low…really, really low.

"Noah," Maddie said slowly, "It's going to be okay. Come on now. Keep going. I can't help you if I don't know what happened."

"He said that he and Luke were together before I snagged him," Noah admitted his voice just louder than a whisper. "And he said Luke was an animal…but see I didn't get that impression and I told him that. I…I told him that it didn't' seem like Luke to be an animal really." He sighed. "Maybe I should have just listened to my instincts but I don't know if my instincts got me in trouble before or not. And now…I think I screwed up."

Maddie was disgusted, but she hoped that she was doing a convincing enough job of masking it. She wasn't upset with Noah; she was just highly pissed off at her coworker who had already hurt one of her best friends…now he had managed to hurt the other as well. He would pay for that. "Noah," she said placing a hand on Noah's shoulder trying to keep him steady and focused. "Stop…please just…" She sighed and gave her friend a sympathetic look. "You're right, Luke is no animal, and I'm going to kill Randy for even suggesting it. Luke and Randy never had sex. And yes I know that for a fact."

Noah shook his head sadly, Maddie's words hitting him like a ton of bricks. How could he have been so stupid?

"You didn't know," Maddie said as if she were trying to protest his thoughts. "You thought you could trust Randy, which is understandable. Keep going," she encouraged. "Tell me what happened when Luke came home.

Noah shook his head. He was still thinking about what Randy had told him. "He told me that he and Luke had just had a bad breakup and…he said that he…" He paused momentarily trying to form the words to explain this. He said that if I wanted to let Luke know how I felt that I had to be the dominant one. He said Luke liked to be forced and I even said that I didn't think Luke would like that." Noah reiterated. He wasn't sure why he kept saying that…didn't know why he felt the need to remind Maddie that he had thought it was a bad idea. Maybe it wasn't Maddie he was trying to convince…but himself.

"Noah, tell me the rest." Maddie's voice was gentle, but her underlying nerves were frayed. She wanted to cry for her friends. This whole situation was one big mess, and if she had surmised the situation correctly…it wasn't going to be easy to fix it.

"God Maddie," Noah cried as reality dawned on him. "Why didn't I just listen to myself?" He charged off the couch and began to stalk the living room. He was highly agitated now and he just needed to move. "When Luke came home," He said picking up the thread of the story, "I was sleeping. He went into the kitchen, and I followed him and we were talking. He had brought Chinese food home, and he apologized for freaking out earlier. I accepted his apology of course and told him he didn't take advantage of me. That's when I pulled him into an embrace and we kissed."

He turned to face Maddie, his hand scratching at the nape of his neck. Maddie's heart broke for him; he just looked so terrified and sad. She figured she could figure out the rest of the story, but she knew it was important to get it from him. "And what happened when you kissed him Noah?"

"We were kissing," Noah said wistfully, "and Luke said stop and I kept going. I…I figured that Randy would know and so I tried it. I didn't take his peas seriously. I just continued to kiss him and touch him, and then just when we were lying together he pushed me off and told me to stay away from him. And I was so confused Maddie, I didn't understand what I could have done wrong…because he didn't like it, I could tell by the look on his face. He stood across the island from me and just…the pain in his eyes, the fear it was all there and I put that there. The last thing he said to me before he ran out…he said I thought you loved me." Noah shook his head. "I don't think I will ever forget the look in his eyes, Maddie…I put that look there. God I did that? Why did I do that?"

Maddie moved quickly to place a soothing hand on Noah's arm. Now that she knew the whole story she needed to speak with James so they could try to fix this. "Noah, I need you to calm down," she ordered firmly. "We will get through this. I promise you that. Luke was scared and angry…but I don't think that is completely because of you. When you have the whole story you will understand why. You didn't know that pushing was the wrong thing to do. You and Luke had sex and it was enjoyable for both of you, so you assumed that it would be okay to do so again."

"But no one should be forced to do something, Maddie," Noah said still kicking himself for his actions.

"You are absolutely right about that, Noah," Maddie said gravely. "No one should be forced to do something, but you were told that Luke liked it…there is a difference." Noah didn't look convinced and Maddie tried to smile reassuringly for him. This was not an easily situation by any stretch of the imagination, but somehow they would figure it out. "Let me go find James and see what is going on with Luke. I want to see if we can get you two on the same page. This can be worked out. Just give me a few minutes okay?"

Noah shook his head sadly. "I don't think Luke will ever want to speak to me again."

"I think once Luke calms down he will want to do a lot more than speak to you," Maddie tried to reassure him. "He loves you, Noah. He barely left your bedside when you were in the coma."

"He told me that," Noah smiled sadly. "Luke has been so good to me, and this is how I repay him." Maddie led him back over to the couch and lowered him back down to his seat.

"You just wait right here," she told him even as he resumed his position. "I will be right back and we will get this righted Noah. I am here for you; I will do whatever needs to be done to make sure that both you and Luke are okay."

"So you aren't mad at me?" He asked looking up at her with worried eyes.

"NO, Noah, I am not mad at you at all. Worried; yes. Mad at Randy for taking advantage of the situation, definitely. But no sweetie, I am not mad at you."

"I hope Luke feels the same way," his frown deepened. "And James…he probably hates me too." Noah sighed and sunk his fingers deep into his dark hair. "I'll wait here while you talk to James."

"I'm sure Luke will feel the same way when he hears what happened," Maddie soothed placing a comforting hand on Noah's shoulder. "I'll be back shortly…don't move."

James exited the bedroom just as she moved away from Noah. He gestured for her to meet him in the kitchen and she nodded, letting him know she was right behind him. When she reached the kitchen her boyfriend was leaning against the island, a sad expression on his face.

"Did you talk to him," He asked, crossing his arms in front of him.

"Yeah," Maddie said frowning. She leaned against the island and met those green eyes she loved head on. "How did it go with Luke? Is he okay?"

James sighed and shook his head. "He's scared and confused."

"Noah is too," Maddie conceded her voice no louder than a whisper. "He's so upset. He trusted the wrong person, James."

"Why do I have a feeling I'm not going to like what that means?"

"Randy was here earlier." Maddie related sadly.

"OH no," James groaned.

"If I get my hands on him he is a dead man," Maddie seethed.

"What did Randy say?"

Maddie sighed. "He basically told Noah that Luke was an animal when they were together, and that Luke liked it rough. He encouraged Noah to be aggressive with Luke."

"Luke never dated Randy," James pointed out, his tone thoughtful as he thought back to all his conversations with Luke. "I'm not missing anything right? They went on that one outing with you and Noah…but he got together with Noah the next day. I'm fairly certain that Luke mentioned Noah being his first everything."

"IT's just not true, James," Maddie said shaking her head. "I know for a fact that Luke and Randy never had sex. Noah was his first in every way. "

"Okay," James said keeping his voice low. "I had pretty much put all the pieces together but Luke never came right out and said what happened. I don't think he's ready to admit what Randy did and that it was Randy at all. Everything is starting to make sense now.

"Yes, it was Randy who hurt Luke," Maddie confirmed. "I could just kill him. IT wasn't bad enough that he violated Luke; He had to go and mess with Noah too? He has taken the one person that Luke loves more than anyone else in the world and given him the worst advice in order to hurt Luke all over again. God, James," Maddie exclaimed, "I don't know who I feel sorrier for, Luke or Noah. I have to tell you, Noah is absolutely broken over this."

"We'll figure it out," James said placing his hands on Maddie's shoulders. HE started rubbing them gently, trying to soothe her just a little. "Even if it takes all night, we'll figure out how to help them. It just might come to that too."

"You think so," Maddie asked sadly.

"Well I have to convince Luke that he needs to tell Noah what happened to him. And Noah needs to tell Luke where he got the advice room. Luke's trust in Noah is all but gone right now, so that first part may not be as simple as that."

"This should be fun," Maddie commented sarcastically. She was all too aware of how stubborn her best friend could be. Actually both of them were fairly stubborn.

"Yeah," James frowned. "It could prove to be interesting because Luke is so scared right now, Maddie. He's almost as scared if not more so than he was when Noah was in the coma. He didn't even want me to come out here to find you."

"I can believe it," Maddie said with a heavy sigh. "Noah is scared as well. He knows he messed up and that Luke is angry and scared. I found him in here, on the floor," Maddie explained starting at the very spot she found Noah in earlier. He was naked, curled up in a fetal position and he was crying his eyes out. He didn't set out for this to happen. He thought he was doing something to give Luke pleasure. I truly think he's falling in love with Luke all over again, James. This is truly breaking his heart."

James frowned. He remembered how vulgar Randy had been when they had dinner the night before Thanksgiving. The guy just always seemed tacky to him. "I never did like Randy," he said sighing. "Luke mentioned that he was falling for Noah again too. That only makes this mess even worse."

"But that's a good sign, right?" Maddie asked grasping for straws. "And yes I know, Randy is a jerk, but he's the least of our problems…at least for the moment. What do we do now? Try to get them to talk to each other? I know Noah is aching to talk to Luke, and try to make this right."

"They do need to talk," James commented, his tone thoughtful. "I think I can get Luke to see that Noah wasn't trying to hurt him. That's going to take some time…though I think on some level he knows that but he hasn't really had a chance to deal properly with what Randy did. He pushed all that aside when Noah was in the coma. I wonder if he has nightmares frequently. He had one last night, I know that much."

"I know he has been having nightmares,' Maddie acquiesced. Noah said he heard Luke having a nightmare and came out to comfort him, which led to the sex to begin with. That's the second time Noah has mentioned nightmares to me. Luke had one the first night he was home too."

"That sounds about right," James said thoughtfully. "Noah was awake, and they were home. There was no longer anything suppressing the trauma so the nightmares and memories were able to surface. I think if I talk to Luke I can get him to see that he really needs to work this out with Noah."

"I hope you can get through to him, James," Maddie said wrapping her arms around him. "Noah is really, really broken up and I don't think he could handle knowing that Luke doesn't want to be anywhere near him."

"Well I can probably convince him to talk to Noah…but touching him may be a different story. I think we're seeing that one step forward, two step backwards theory in action here."

"Hmmm," Maddie said a sad smile crossing her lips. I guess we can only take it one step at a time. It's the only way to work through this right?"

James nodded. "Someone needs to tell Randy to stay away too."

"Oh you better believe I will take care of that." Maddie fumed.

"Can you somehow do it without letting him know you know what he did to Luke? That's a demon Luke has to face on his own you know that right?"

"Yes, I can do that," Maddie agreed. "And I know Luke has to face that demon just like I did. I will get Randy to back off one way or another."

James smiled and leaned in for a kiss. "That's my brave girl. Now let's go help our friends."

Maddie smiled and kissed him once more before pulling away. She took James' hand and pulled him towards the entrance of the kitchen. She had no doubt that James was right; it was going to be a long night."

Luke was sitting on the bed when James returned to the bedroom. His right leg was folded beneath him and he once again had his knee lifted to his chest. James hated the look of fear he saw there, and wished there was something he could do to erase it all away. He closed the door and leaned against it, waiting to see if Luke would initiate conversation.

Luke looked at James, but didn't say a word. He wasn't really sure what to say, or what to ask at this point. Part of him wanted to ask about Noah. He wanted to know how he was feeling, what he was feeling and he wanted to ask so many questions. But then the fear…the part of him that was winning wanted nothing to do with his husband…and he just didn't know anymore what to feel.

"So," James said realizing he was going to have to start off, "How are you feeling? Better? Able to relax at all?"

Luke closed his eyes and tried to summon the strength to answer that question. "I don't feel any better, no," he said finally. "I don't even know what to feel really, James. I want to ask about Noah, but then I don't want to know…and I wish I didn't care. I just want it all to go away."

"I can understand that, completely, but it's not going to go away, Luke," James pointed out gently. "No matter how much you want it to. Noah is very upset. Maddie found him curled in a ball on the kitchen floor…he was sobbing."

"He was?" Luke asked a frown crossing his features. "Noah was crying?"

"Yes," James said keeping his tone soft. "According to Maddie, he is absolutely devastated. HE is pretty broken up that he has hurt you."

Luke's frown deepened but he didn't say anything.

"I think you should talk to him," James suggested, answering the question in Luke's gaze. "Let him explain what happened."

Luke shook his head. "I…I can't do that, James. Not right now."

"Luke, I know you're hurt, I know that you are angry, but I think listening to Noah would be in your best interest. It will make a big difference."

"I can't," Luke said, biting his lip. He was being stubborn, he knew it…but he couldn't really explain why.

"Why?" James asked, never once raising his voice. He wasn't going to force Luke, but he was going to try to convince him. "Give me a good reason why you can't do this?"

"I don't want to talk to him," Luke replied. "Can't we just leave it at that? I don't want to be alone with him right now."

"You won't be alone, Luke," James countered. "Maddie and I won't leave…we will be within shouting distance if you need us. I will even tell Noah not to touch you in any way, shape or form if that's what you want."

"No," Luke said stubbornly.

James sighed. He would have to try a different approach. "Will you at least think about it, Luke? I mean you have to be reasonable here. I'm sure you don't' want to send Noah back to his father. OR even worse do you want to send him back to the hospital because of another panic attack? Is that what you want?"

Luke sighed. "Are you implying that I'm being unreasonable?" He accused. "You think I'm overreacting don't you? You think I'm just being paranoid? And you know what, James, maybe I am!" Luke was railing now, but James didn't make a move to stop him….not just yet. "Maybe I am, seeing as before this morning I never would have thought my husband capable of doing something like that to me. And I know he doesn't remember me, I know that…I get that things may be different from when we were together…but I didn't think that that would change."

"Luke," James' voice was gentle but firm, "stop…calm down. I don't think you're overreacting at all. You have every right to be paranoid after what you have been through. I know that and frankly if you weren't upset about what happened earlier, I would be worried. Now hear me out…okay?"

"Yeah…sure," Luke said giving James his full attention.

"Yes, things are very different than before the accident," James conceded. "The Noah out there has no memory of you, your marriage, friends, enemies, what he has been through or what you have been through. HE doesn't know what you like or dislike, but he is trying to learn. You said the kiss last night was an experiment, and that it progressed from there. And no, before you say it, I am not condoning what Noah did, and I am not taking his side. I also don't think it's unreasonable that you don't want him to touch you. However, you do need to hear what he has to say. I think it will make a difference and if I didn't think so I wouldn't even suggest it. I would pack you a bag, and take you home with me."

Luke went silent for a moment as he thought about what James was saying. He wouldn't have suggested talking to Noah if he really thought that was a bad idea…not that Luke was sure what Noah could say, but he could listen. He sighed again and shook his head. "I'm not…scared of Noah, exactly," he confessed. "I mean, I'm not afraid of him…just…"

"Scared of what that fear represents?" James interjected.

"Yeah…that."

"Think about it this way, Luke. If you don't hear what Noah has to say, then you are letting"Him" rule your life. This is more about "HIM" than Noah. Yes, what Noah did was wrong, but if what happened to you had not happened…this fear would not already be so present in your mind. Don't let him win, Luke. That's what he wants."

Luke knew James was right…he usually was. But he just couldn't stop the images… "It's the eyes:" he whispered after a moment's pause. "Those…those eyes…Blue and ice cold eyes. I saw those eyes today…and it just completely freaked me out."

"You have every right to be freaked out; Luke…and I understand that you are. Hell, I'm freaked out right along with you," he admitted. "But I also know what provoked this, and I think when you hear it you will understand. Don't look at Noah if you don't want to, just listen to what he has to say…and then we can go from there."

He wanted to do it…he felt the pull to go to Noah, to comfort him. He didn't want the fear to win, and listening to James would help. Nothing could possibly make him feel any worse then he felt now right? It was time for him to combat the fear. "You're sure about this, right James?" he asked a few minutes later. "You're certain?"

"I am without a shadow of a doubt certain that what he says will help you make sense of this. It will also give you a place to focus this anger."

"Okay," Luke said agreeing.

"I also really think you should tell Noah what happened, so he will understand why this was so devastating for you. He has no idea, and I am sure that it will help him to know."

Luke frowned again. "But that would mean he'd have to know it twice. HE shouldn't have to relive that…I don't want to relive it."

"You'll be alright," James encouraged. "And Noah is tough as well. He can handle it. You being hurt and upset with him is what he can't handle."

"Is he really upset," Luke asked concerned. He didn't like the idea of Noah being sad. "I guess I did yell at him. And I should apologize for that." He sighed. "Now I feel bad."

"Don't feel bad. You reacted the way I would expect you to react, James told him solemnly. "But yes, he is very upset. Help him understand, Luke. It will be good for both of you."

A sad smile crossed Luke's lips as he looked at his friend. Sometimes he marveled at how he got so lucky. James was the best. "Why do you put up with me" He asked, even as he stood to stretch out his muscles. If he was going to speak to Noah, he needed to be prepared.

Because we're friends," James replied. "And that's what friends do. They look out for each other and help when they are in need."

Luke nodded, a frown crossing his features once more. "Noah doesn't think I hate him does he?

"I don't think so, but why don't you go out there and find out for yourself?" James suggested.

"Okay…you're right. I need to talk to Noah. I'll do that right now. Thanks James…for everything.

""You're very welcome, as always," James smiled. "Maddie and I will be in the kitchen if you need anything whatsoever. Just yell and we will be there."

"Okay," Luke said taking a deep breath to prepare for what needed to be done.

"Do you want me to go tell Noah to make sure he keeps his distance or do you think you can handle it on your own?"

He shook his head. "I'll handle it. I'm not afraid of Noah…I love him. That's what I keep telling myself."

"Trust in that," James encouraged. "Believe it…and good Luck."

Luke nodded, a small smile trying to form on his lips as he turned to open the door. His real test was waiting in the living room.

Noah stood when Maddie returned to the living room, worry clearly etched on his face. "What did James say about Luke" He asked when she was close enough to hear him.

Maddie gestured for him to sit down before taking the seat beside him. "James said Luke is upset and frightened."

"So I really did mess up then," Noah sighed.

"Noah…," Maddie said trying to pick her words carefully. "Yes this is a mess, but not just of your making. You were given some very, very bad advice and when I get my hands on that jackass I am going to wring his neck. James is talking to Luke now, and we both think that you need to tell him about Randy coming here and what he said to you."

"I can't tell him that," Noah exclaimed.

"Why not?" Maddie asked. "He needed to know that this aggressiveness was not of your own doing."

"It's stupid…I feel stupid. I don't want Luke to think I'm dumb or something."

"He is not going to think you are stupid, but I do know Luke well enough to know that if you explain what happened he will at least listen to what you have to say. Also keep in mind that you didn't know that Randy was such a jerk. Luke only told you that he didn't like him, nothing more. So just because Luke doesn't like him, doesn't necessarily mean that you felt the same way."

"Did I feel the same way?" Noah asked curiously. "I mean did I like this guy or what? Can you not tell me? Luke said there were certain things I need to learn on my own. Is that one of them?"

"Yes," Maddie admitted, "I'm afraid that is one of the things you will have to learn on your own. I can't tell you, but I think if you really take a step back and look at what has happened here today, you will know the answer to that."

"Okay, if talking with Luke will help….then I'll do it. And that's even if he'll talk to me."

"Have faith, Noah. Trust in Luke," Maddie advised. "Tell him exactly what you told me. I think you will see it really will make a difference."

"Will you stay in case I need back up?"

""I'll be in the kitchen with James. If you need me for any reason just yell and I will be here. Hang in there Noah. I know this is very hard for you. Give Luke a chance to come around."

"Okay," Noah said just as the door to their bedroom opened. Maddie squeezed Noah's hand as they both stood and she moved away from the couch. Noah watched as James came out of the room and followed behind Maddie. The pair disappeared into the other room and Noah concentrated on the bedroom door.

It wasn't long before Luke walked out and looked around before making his way over to the couch. Noah watched him, trying to gauge his emotions, only to realize he didn't really know what to look for. Luke didn't look angry, but did that mean that he wasn't? He didn't look sad either…but that could just mean he was good at hiding his emotions. There was so much he didn't know about Luke…so much he wanted to know. He hoped after today he'd still have the chance to find out.

"Luke," he said when the other man stopped at the edge of the couch. He started to move towards him but stop when Luke held up his hand and shook his head.

"Don't come closer. Just stay where you are. I will hear what you have to say, but don't come any closer."

"Oh, okay," Noah said looking down at his feet quickly so Luke wouldn't see his eyes.

"I don't know what happened earlier," Luke said softening his words to lessen the hurt he saw in Noah's gaze. "But I am freaked and right now is not the best time for you to touch me. I don't want to hurt you."

"I'm sorry Luke," Noah said looking up at him again. "Can you ever forgive me? I would never intentionally hurt you."

"I know that," Luke said after a moment's pause. "That's partly why I don't understand. I don't get how you could do such a thing."

"I really don't understand either," Noah admitted sadly.

Luke crossed his arms and looked away so that he wasn't looking into those eyes. He didn't think he could stand it at the moment. "I guess we're both confused then."

"What can I do, Luke?"

Luke could hear the desperation in Noah's voice, but he just knew he couldn't let him off easy here…not this time. "Well," he said after a moment. "Try explaining to me what happened today? There's a place to start."

Noah swallowed, and tried to figure out where to start. He knew whatever he was said, it would sound awkward, and he couldn't' tell if Luke was angry or what. The other man was very good at hiding his feelings it seemed. "I was only trying to make you happy."

Luke was appalled as he looked at his husband. "You were trying to make me happy?" he said incredulously. "How in the hell did you think that was going to make me happy?"

"I thought you liked it," Noah said getting defensive. "That's what I was told. I was only doing it to give you pleasure, Luke. I swear I didn't know that I was hurting you."

"Who told you that, Noah?" Luke demanded. "Who the heck told you that I would like that?"

"I'm sorry, Luke."

"Sorry isn't going to cut this Noah, not this time. Where did you get the idea that I would ever want to be attacked like that?"

Noah cringed. He was certain now that Luke was angry, and hurt. He hated that he had caused Luke this pain. How could he have been so wrong? "He said you liked to be dominated," he explained.

"You just took someone's word for that?" Luke asked. He was trying to understand, he wanted to but this just didn't make any sense to him.

"He said he knew, Luke."

"Who said that, Noah. " Luke knew That James and Maddie could probably hear them but he wasn't particularly concerned about that. He wanted to get through to Noah, he wanted Noah and this seemed to be the only way to do it. "Who told you that I liked to be dominated? I have never been with anyone but you, so how in the world would anyone else know what I want?"

Noah closed his eyes, feeling the weight of Randy's words crushing him as he tried to find a coherent response. "That can't be right," he said shaking his head. "He said he was your boyfriend first and you loved being animalistic. But I just had a sense that this was wrong…that it didn't' sound like you. But then he told me you liked it that way."

The words hit him like a strong gust of wind, and he reached out for the couch momentarily to steady himself. He regained his composure quickly enough and faced Noah head on. "My God, Noah," He said his voice a mixture of anger, shock and disbelief. "Who told you all those lies? I want to know who told you those lies about me. Tell me!"

Noah couldn't stand it. He couldn't stand the look in Luke's eyes or knowing that his anger was all for him. "Luke, I…"

"Noah, please…just tell me."

"Randy," Noah said his voice barely above a whisper.

"WHAT?" Luke jumped as if he had just been sucker punched and shook his head. he had to have heard that wrong…there was no way…"What…did you say?" he asked, hoping against hope that maybe he had heard that wrong.

"Randy," Noah said again turning to meet Luke's gaze once more. Those brown eyes were a dark mixture of emotions, and Noah tried valiantly to read them. He thought he saw rage, mixed with sadness and pain…there was also a hint of something soft like compassion in that gaze, and Noah grabbed a hold of it. He hated seeing Luke this upset.

"Oh my God," Luke said, his tone caught somewhere between appalled, angry, and sympathetic. "The nerve of that…thing. To tell you something that that."

It was on the tip of his tongue to apologize again, but Noah didn't think it would do any good. He frowned at Luke, waiting to see what else he would say.

"Sit down, Noah," Luke said sighing as he took a seat himself. "Let me tell you a little bit about your friend, Randy."

"I know it was stupid," Noah said following Luke's orders. "I know it was a dumb move and I'll do anything to make it up to you."

"You can't make this up, Noah," Luke told him seriously. "There is nothing that can erase what happened. And believe me; I would greatly love to erase it."

"Do you hate me now?" Noah asked his eyes wide.

"NO," Luke sighed and shook his head. "I don't hate you Noah. I don't ever want you to think that. Let me tell you about Randy, okay? Then you'll understand."

"Okay," Noah complied, his eyes downcast as he waited for Luke to begin his story.

Luke chewed on his lip thoughtfully as he tried to figure out the best way to approach it. There was no beating around the bush here…Randy had gone too far, and Noah needed to understand why what he did was so wrong. He knew that there were things he couldn't tell Noah, but he didn't see much of a choice here. He just had to risk it.

"Did he tell you that we were all friends?" he inquired.

"Yeah…he said we were good friends," Noah said glumly. "He said that I was his best friend, and we always hung out with you and Maddie. But you don't like him because of your bad breakup or something."

"We hung out a few times…I took you guys horseback riding and we all went out to dinner," Luke explained, but I wouldn't have called us good friends. And you especially didn't like him. I know I said I shouldn't tell you things about y our feelings for people, but I think you need to understand that. You and Randy did not get along, because of me. And I did not date him…I cannot reiterate that enough, Noah. You were my only guy."

Noah just nodded. There really wasn't anything he could say…he felt lower than low at the moment. How could he have been so stupid?

"We had a dinner party, you and me right before Thanksgiving. Maddie, James and Randy were invited. You and I had talked about your dislike of Randy before hand, and you said that you would behave. We talked about the fact that I didn't like it when fights broke out at family gatherings and therefore really didn't want one to break out here. I really don't like fighting, and you knew that…but you and Randy got into a fight and it upset me."

He paused for a moment, frowning at the disjointed memories floating through his mind. He only wanted to give Noah the specifics. He could fill in the rest of the blanks later. "Randy was more than obnoxious that night…and I honestly don't know what transpired before you hit him, but I got very angry with you and I left the apartment to cool off so I wouldn't say something that I would later regret."

"Where did you go?" Noah asked, curiously.

"I went to work. You and I…we work at the local TV station, and I went in to work on something that I knew you would need. Randy followed me there…and he gave me some story about Katie needing his help." Luke shook his head and sighed heavily. He was determined to get through this story without having a breakdown. He had done way too much crying over this jerk, and it was time for it to end. "HE could tell that I was upset," he pushed forward, "and he gave me a hug."

Noah was hanging on every word, and his heart was beating fast. It was like holding your breath for the climax of the movie. The tension in the room was palpable.

"He didn't let go," Luke said, his voice void of any emotion. He met Noah's gaze and Noah could see the smoldering anger mixed with pain and sadness. All that Luke must have been feeling on the night this took place. "He forced himself on me," Luke said shaking his head. "He raped me, Noah."

There were no words to describe what Noah was feeling at the moment. His hands clenched and unclenched and he wished he had something to break in half. Quite frankly he was floored, and he was angry…no he was pissed.

"He…He raped you" Noah repeated, the word slick with repulsion as it rolled off his tongue. Everything was starting to make sense now, and Noah couldn't believe he had missed all the clues. He remembered how uncomfortable Luke was in Randy's presence, and he remembered how he never wanted to talk about him…he remembered Luke snapping at Randy that one day…and the nightmares.

His hands balled into fists as he faced Luke. "He hurt you? Oh my god if I ever get my hands on him I'll…" he was just about ready to stand when he realized how futile his words were at the moment. He wanted to kill Randy for this…for hurting Luke, but he had just come dangerously close to doing the same thing.

"Oh god," he said as the realization hit him like a ton of bricks. "Oh god Luke, I wasn't…I wouldn't…oh god."

"But that's exactly what you did Noah," Luke snapped, sighing when he saw Noah cringe. "That's what you did," he said his voice a little calmer, "and it brought it all back again."

Noah shook his head, trying to make it all make sense in his mind. "Wait a minute…that's why you made the comment about being used to the couch. You were sleeping out here? Now I really feel stupid."

"Don't feel stupid," Luke told him. "You didn't know, and I should have just outright told you about Randy. I never dreamed he would go this far to hurt me."

Noah frowned. "You've told me this before?" he asked suddenly. "I mean…I knew before the accident that this happened?"

"Yes, just before Christmas. We were just starting to rebuild from this."

"And I missed it all up," Noah said defeated.

"I'm sorry; Noah…part of this is my fault. I should have told you."

'but you couldn't," Noah exclaimed. "I mean you probably shouldn't have told me all that because I'm supposed to remember it by myself. I should have trusted myself…I thought it was wrong…what he was telling me. It didn't sound like you, but I believed him and you have every right to hate me and to never want to see me again..."

"Noah…"

"I feel so disconnected," Noah said cutting Luke off. "From everything but you, Luke. What you just told me is horrible and everything, but right now it's just a story that Noah is a part of, and I don't remember that Noah. I can't attach myself to the story, but I feel this something with you…and now…I deserve to lose that."

"Noah, stop, please. I don't hate you. I don't want you to go away. I love you…so much. I just need…let me wrap my head around all of this, okay?"

"Are you sure?" Noah asked miserably.

"Yes," Luke said, a sad smile playing on his lips for a moment. "Give me some time to sort through this and talk to James. He helps me get my thoughts to where they need to be."

"So you don't want me to leave?" Noah asked, wanting to be sure he understood.

"NO, I don't want you to leave. Why don't you go to the bedroom and try to get some rest. I'm going to talk to James, and I'll check on you later."

Noah nodded and rose from his seat. He wanted to say so much in that moment, but didn't know what to say or where to start. He headed towards the bedroom. He turned when he reached the door, and caught Luke staring back at him. Their eyes locked for a moment before Luke looked away and Noah felt his heart break.

Luke waited for the bedroom door to close before he looked up again. The last few hours seemed like they were part of some awful dream that he wished he could wake up from. The look on Noah's face cut him the quick and he was so…angry. That was the only way to describe what he was feeling at the moment. The feeling was so intense, he just wanted to cream, throw something…anything to let it loose.

"James," He called, even as he buried his face in his hands. He sighed. "I could really use your help right now."

Luke knew the moment James was there, even though his friend said nothing upon his approach. He looked up into concerned green eyes and narrowed his eyes. "I'm going to kill that bastard," he said through clenched teeth.

"You said his name," James pointed out calmly. "A couple of times actually."

"Really," Luke said a surprised expression on his face. I did? I didn't even notice."

James nodded. "I think the fact that he hurt Noah made you angry enough, because hurting you was one thing, but deliberately using someone else to inflict pain…that just cut to the quick. You even named it, Luke."

"**I did, didn't I? Wow that feels kind of empowering. Does that make sense?"**

"**It makes perfect sense," James replied proudly. "You took the control away from him."**

**Luke let that sink in for a moment. He did feel better, a little lighter now that he had said it out loud. "Now what do I do James?" he asked a few minutes later. "I just want to kill him for hurting Noah like that."**

"**Well, as much as you want to kill him…that isn't going to help Noah because you'd be out of Noah's life and he needs you here. You can however start by reporting this to the police…they already have those clothes which you still need to talk to Detective Hughes about. All they need is a name. Plus you can confront Randy yourself, and get him put in jail."**

"**I can't do that by myself, James," Luke admitted. "I know it needs to be done, but I don't think I can do it by myself."**

"**You don't have to."**

"**So how is that going to work?" Luke asked, **

"**That depends on what you want to do first, Luke" James replied.**

"**What do you mean?"**

"**What do you want to do," James questioned. "Do you want to deal with the police first? Do you want to deal with Randy, get that over with? What do you feel you need to do first and foremost Luke, to begin putting this behind you? And the other question…do you think you can tell your dad?"**

"**Yes," Luke said with such conviction that it made James smile. "I need to tell my dad, and then go to the police. Dad would go with me to do that…if I asked him.**

"**There you go then," James encouraged. "I knew you would figure it out."**

"**Then I can confront Randy, when they bring him in to the police station. That way I won't be tempted to kill him, thus ending up in jail myself."**

"**Good call. I kinda like you outside the jail, thank you."**

"**Me too," Luke said genuinely smiling for the first time since that morning.**

"**You want some more advice?" James asked.**

"**From you, always."**

"**Don't be too hard on Noah," James advised. "I know you are upset with him, and you have every right to be, but remember his inner core is still the same. His heart was in the right place, even though it was misguided. If Maddie's suspicions are correct he's already starting to care for you again."  
**

"**I will keep that in mind," Luke said his expression thoughtful. "Thanks again, James, for everything you did here tonight.**

'**You don't have to thank me, Luke."**

"**But I do. I don't know what I would have done tonight if you hadn't been here to help me."**

"**Well you are most definitely welcome then," James smiled. "Do you think you will be okay here, tonight?**

"**Yeah…I think so," Luke assured him. "I'm going to talk to Noah and then get some sleep. I will go see my dad in the morning."**

"**And the nightmares?"**

"**Well hopefully, now that I have put this out there they will go away too."**

"**Okay then," James said his smile widening. "Then you try to have a good Valentine's Day tomorrow and if you have to ditch class let me know. I can cover for you. I'll see you in the office on Tuesday."**

"**Thank you again, James."**

"**Do I get a thank you as well," Maddie asked as she entered the living room.**

"**Yes, Maddie," Luke laughed. "You two are definitely the best friends a guy could ever ask for. So thank you for being here for both me and Noah. We really appreciate it."**

"**That's what friends are for Luke. We're glad to have you in our lives too. You ready to go?" he asked directing his last question to Maddie as he slipped an arm around her.**

"**Yeah," Maddie smiled up at him. "See you soon, Luke. Good night Noah."**

"**Good night," Noah's voice sounded faint behind the closed door of the bedroom, but it was enough to make Maddie smile for now. She let go of James long enough to give her best friend a hug and then she and James left."**

**Luke locked the door and returned to his spot on the couch. He sighed and placed his head in his hands. It had been a crazy day…and an even crazier night. He still needed to discuss things with Noah before he went to bed, even though he just wanted to pass out where he was. **

**With a heavy sigh he stood and headed for the bedroom. He paused for a moment before turning the door knob and poking his head inside. Noah was sitting on the bed with his feet on the floor. His head was bowed, and Luke's heart went out to him for a moment. He truly hated seeing him so down.**

"**Penny for your thoughts?" he asked coming further into the room.**

"**I think these thoughts are probably worth their weight in gold," Noah said sadly. "And I don't have a lot of that."**

"**I've decided to press charges," Luke said softly.**

"**What," Noah asked alarmed. **

"**Against, Randy," Luke clarified. "I'm gonna go to the police tomorrow…after I talk to my dad."**

"**Oh, yeah…right," Noah said trying to calm his heart. "I can go with you to do that."**

"**I think I need to do this on my own, Noah," Luke said gently. "Though I appreciate you wanting to come."**

"**You still don't want to be near me, do you?"**

"**Noah…"**

"**NO, Luke I understand…"**

"**No, I don't think you do," Luke said coming to join him on the bed. "I love you Noah. I want you to know that. I love you, so much…and that's why what happened today really threw me for a loop. I know you weren't trying to hurt me, I get that…but when the person you feel the safest with scares you, it's good to take a step back to reevaluate things…and that's what I need to do. You can understand that right?"**

"**You're leaving me?" Noah asked sadly.**

"**You can't get rid of me that easily, Mayer" Luke said a sad smile crossing his lips. "I'm not leaving…just coping. You should get some sleep…we'll talk more in the morning, okay?"**

**Noah nodded, and Luke helped tuck him into bed before heading back out to the living room. "Good night Noah." **

He couldn't sleep. No matter how hard he tried, rest would not come to him easily tonight. The events of the day were still running rampant through his mind, preventing him from shutting off his brain. He could see him and Noah that morning, and the frightening scene in the kitchen…not to mention the argument that happened just hours before. It was like a bad movie replaying in his mind and he wished it would stop. All he wanted was one night of peace…one night. Was that too much to ask?

He couldn't remember the moment his eyes grew heavy and sleep finally beckoned, but he would never forget the moment his eyes were startled open by the distinct sound of crying. The weeping was coming from the bedroom, and Luke could feel his heart breaking into millions of little pieces. He frowned as he lifted himself off the couch and made his way to the bedroom. Noah was lying in the center of their bed, his body curled into a fetal position, with tears streaking his cheeks. It was a sad sight, and Luke knew there was only one way to make it better.

He silently walked over and climbed into the bed, pulling Noah into his embrace. He kissed away Noah's tears and tried to soothe him, as his fingers ran through his hair. I'm here Noah he whispered as he began to rock back and forth. "It's okay. I'm here"


	25. Chapter 25

A contented sigh escaped his lips as he opened his eyes the next morning. Pleasant dreams had found him once again, and he took it as a sign that things could only get better. The body shifted in his arms and he struggled to swim through the murkiness of sleep to realize where he was. The momentary panic of the body pressed against him evaporated as he realized that it was Noah there and then memories from last night and the broken husband he had found in this bed resurfaced.

He eased back enough that he could look over Noah's shoulder and see him still sleeping, but the tracks left from his tears were still visible. He, as hurt as he was, wouldn't have Noah in that kind of pain again for anything. Coming in here and giving him comfort had been the right thing to do.

He shifted wanting to wake Noah, to see if he was truly okay. His hand lovingly massaged Noah's scalp as he gently nudged him awake. He was glad when he saw those blue eyes staring at him, but sad when he saw that Noah looked like he was about to cry again. "How are you feeling," he whispered, still stroking that thick mass of hair.

Noah closed his eyes momentarily, enjoying the feel of Luke's fingers on his scalp. "I'm feeling a little better. I don't think I've cried that much since the time I ran away from your dad." The massaging stopped and Noah opened his eyes to find that Luke had moved away from him completely. He was looking at him with the most peculiar look. "What"? Did I say something wrong?"

"No," Luke said shaking his head. "It's just…you remember that? Do you remember why you ran from my dad that day?"

Noah thought about it for a moment before shaking his head. "It's very vague, Luke. I remember running from him, and you found me and we were…it was raining and you said something, and I cried. I…I'm sorry I don't remember much more than that."

"It's okay," Luke assured him as he moved to get out of the bed. "I'm going to make us some breakfast. I have a feeling it's going to be a very long day."

Noah watched him leave and a single tear slipped down his face. He felt like a wall had been put up between him and Luke and he didn't know how to get around it. He closed his eyes momentarily and dropped his head back to the pillow. Suddenly waking up did not seem so appealing.

Luke was at the stove when Noah entered the kitchen. "Hey," he said smiling as he pointed at the table with a spatula. "Breakfast should be ready soon, but I already got you some Juice to get you started. I hope that was okay."

"Thanks Luke," Noah said taking a seat at the table. He tried to take comfort in the fact that Luke was still doing things for him. Maybe the distance between them was only in his head. He watched as Luke flipped the pancakes in the pan, and then transferred them on to a plate. He knew he and Luke cooked dinner together, but he wondered if they ever did breakfast together as well. "Do you need any help?" He asked, even as he picked up his glass to take a sip of juice.

"I'm just about done actually," Luke said bringing two plates over to the table. "I made blueberry pancakes, dig in."

"Thanks. Do you make these for me all the time?"

"Yeah, actually I do," Luke said wistfully. "You love blueberries."

Noah took a bite, and chewed thoughtfully as he watched Luke eat his own food. There was something nice about watching him cut his food, before adding the syrup. They ate in silence for a few minutes before Noah felt propelled to ask another question. "So um, Luke, what are your plans for the day?"

Luke looked up from his food and concentrated on Noah for a moment. "Well I do have to go see my dad this morning. I already called James and let him know I wouldn't be in class today. It's going to be a long day, and I know I can't handle class right now. I have to go to the police station too."

"Ok, give me a few minutes and I will be ready to go with you."

Luke frowned and looked back down at his plate. A few minutes passed before he looked up again, facing Noah head on. "I don't think that's a good idea."

But Luke, why not," Noah asked. "I want to be there to support you, and I know this is going to be hard for you."

"Yeah, it is going to be hard," Luke admitted. "But…I need to do this on my own. It's just something I need to do, and I thank you for wanting to be there for me, Noah…I just don't think it's a good idea for you to come with me to do this."

"Is it because you're still angry with me," Noah asked sadly. "I feel like you're posing me away."

"I'm not…angry with you exactly, Noah." Luke insisted. "Yesterday really scared me, and I'm trying to deal with that and right now…" He paused not sure what to say. He didn't want to hurt Noah, but he wanted to be honest too. "I love you Noah…that hasn't changed. But this is something I need to do on my own."

"But, I really want to go with you," Noah insisted with a sigh. "I guess I can understand though. What am I supposed to do while you're gone?"

"Well," Luke said, swishing his pancakes around his plate, "You don't have an appointment today…I guess you could try some of the exercises the doctor gave you. You have my phone number if you need to reach me, and my dad, James, and Maddie are available to you as well. I'm sorry to have to leave you here all alone. I just want to get this taken care of…I am really tired of reliving…"

He cut off his flow of words deliberately and got up to trash the rest of his food. "Are you done?" he asked coming to pick Noah's plate off the table.

"Yes I am finished. I guess I will work on those exercises and maybe call Maddie. You will call me if you need anything right? Or if you just need to talk I am willing to listen."

"Thanks Noah, I'll keep that in mind." He reached out to touch Noah's cheek lightly before moving to pick up his plate. His hands were trembling as he cleaned the dish and it slipped and fell from his hand. "Damn," he cursed as he bent down to pick up the pieces. A shard from the plate pricked him and he cursed again. He wished he wasn't so nervous.

"Leave it Luke," Noah said getting up immediately. "I can do that. Let me see your hand," He took a hold of Luke's hand and helped him to stand. "You're bleeding. Come over here," he led Luke over to a chair, "and let me clean this up for you.' He left only for a second to get the antiseptic and a bandage for Luke's hand.

Luke sat still and waited for Noah to return with the first aid items. In no time his finger was clean and bandaged. "There," Noah said, disposing of the bandage wrapper. "That's better. Now go, take care of what you need to do. I will be here waiting when you get back."

Luke nodded and took a deep breath before standing again. He was going to do this…and after today hopefully he wouldn't have to deal with it anymore. He placed his hand on Noah's cheek and gave him a soft kiss on the side of his mouth. "I love you, Noah…trust in that."

Noah followed him in the living room, and watched him leave without looking back. The sound of the key turning in the lock sounded so final, and he knew that at least had to be his brain on overload. Luke wanted him to trust him, so that was what he was going to do. He returned to the kitchen and grabbed the broom and the dustpan to clean up the mess made by the dropped plate. Once the kitchen was clean he returned to the living room and collapsed on the couch. He missed Luke, and he didn't feel like doing memory exercises at the moment. He didn't feel like doing anything…and as he sat there, alone in the apartment a single solitary tear rolled down his cheeks.

Just when he thought he couldn't' cry anymore…

As he neared the farm he still didn't know what he was going to say. He didn't know where to start, and he certainly didn't know how his father would react to the news. There was so much at stake here, and it was killing him. He had decided to do this, and he wasn't regretting his decision, but knowing what needed to be done wasn't making it any easier.

He was a wall of stone as he pulled into the farm driveway. He was determined to get through this without breaking. He needed…had to be strong for his dad, especially with everything else going on. He walked stoically up to the porch and walked inside. Some things never changed, the Snyder farm seemed always open for visitors.

"Hello," he called as he entered the kitchen. "Is anyone here?"

"Luke? Son I'm in the parlor."

Luke headed for the parlor where his dad was relaxing in one o the chairs. He almost hated to bother him, he looked so relaxed. "Hi, Dad," he said breaking the silence that had followed his father's greeting.

"Luke," Holden smiled and gestured for his son to have a seat. "What brings you out this way today? I figured you'd be spending all your available time with Noah."

"Well," Luke started, "I should actually be in class…but I needed to see you about something. And it's very important." He swallowed and eyed the floor very intently. "I have to talk to you about something, just like I told you I would need to, and," he looked up to meet his father's eyes, hoping his own were clear of tears, I'm going to need your help."

Holden frowned at the expression on his son's face, and put down the paper he'd been reviewing to give him his full attention. "Okay, Luke, I'm listening. What's this about?"

"I have to tell you about my behavior, the last few months," Luke started, his voice soft. "I mean, you know me pretty well and I'm sure you noticed when you did see me, that I wasn't acting myself and haven't really been since November."

"Well, yes we all noticed that you've been on edge," Holden confirmed. "But we weren't sure what was going on."

"I…I was drinking again," Luke started, knowing he didn't have to share that piece of information. But it was better…easier to tell his father that then the other news he had to share. I had my reasons and I'm not doing it anymore but I needed to tell you that." He looked at the floor again, tracing an invisible line with the toe of his shoe. He wanted to slip out of those shoes and his socks…he wanted to get comfortable on the couch, he wanted to just relax.

He couldn't…not until this was done.

"You haven't drunk in a long time, Luke," Holden pointed out. "What in the world brought this on?"

"Can you not be mad at me please?"

"I'm not mad at you, Luke," Holden softened his tone. "I just need to know what caused the relapse."

"Noah and I had a bad fight the night before Thanksgiving," Luke explained. "And things have kinda gone downhill from there. Something happened that I am not particularly proud of and I couldn't handle it dad. I couldn't handle what happened so I drank, and I drank. I did that for about a month and then I stopped."

"What happened, Luke? I know it had to be something terrible to send you back to drinking."

"What sent me back to drinking was the reminder…constant reminder of what had happened," He explained, looking at his father once more. "I was betrayed by someone I thought I could call a friend. I was stupid, Dad. Really stupid and I don't know how to tell you what I did because I don't want to hurt you anymore than I already have."

"Luke, stop," Holden ordered gently. "You aren't making sense right now. Come over here and sit down. Come on, I insist."

Ever so slowly he made his feet move until he was standing in front of the chair his dad occupied. He joined him there, sitting just close enough that his father could read what he was feeling.

"That's better," Holden soothed. "Now there is nothing that you could do to hurt me that I can't handle. Tell me straight out now what is going on."

"I was raped," he blurted before he could give himself a chance to stall. The words hung out there suspended in air and Luke could only hold his breath as he watched his father's eyes.

Those blue eyes Luke loved so well were clouded with emotion, and Luke forced himself to look away. "When did this happen, Luke" his dad asked, placing a hand on his shoulder. "How did I not see this? Are you okay? Who did this to you? I am calling Jack right now to take your statement."

"No, dad, don't," Luke said grabbing his dad's arm before he could get up. "I'm going to go to the police station after…I have to talk to Margo about the clothes that were found on Noah at the time of the accident. I just needed to talk to you before I did that."

He sighed and placed his hands in his lap. "It was the night before Thanksgiving. That's when it happened. Almost three months ago," he whispered not really speaking to anyone. "And you didn't see it because I didn't want you to see it. I just wanted to forget about it…and that was why I was drinking, and I ended up pushing everyone away. It's no wonder I didn't know about you and Mom, I was…" He shook his head he really didn't want to go down that path.

"I am fine, physically…but emotionally I am a wreck and with everything piling on after that it's just been really, really hard."

"Well, you are not going through this alone," Holden informed him. "I am going with you to the police station. "Where is Noah? Why isn't he here with you?"

"Because unfortunately, right now, Noah is part of the problem," Luke admitted sadly.

"What," Holden frowned. "I don't understand. Why is Noah part of the problem? I thought things were going okay since he came home. He hasn't said anything about more panic attacks?"

Luke shook his head. "Noah's okay…he's just," Luke sighed and thought about his husband for the briefest of seconds. He was going to call Noah when this was all over…he just needed to hear his voice.

"Noah did something yesterday that brought my fears and my memories of the rape back to the surface…and I just needed to be separate from that today. I am so mad, dad," he admitted. "So mad at myself and so mad at Randy…I'm just…so mad." 

"Randy"?" Holden asked his frown deepening as he looked at his son. "The guy from WOAK who works with you guys? You brought him out here to ride horses once right?"

"Yeah, that's him," Luke said his voice void of any emotion.

"What does Randy have to do with Noah?"

"Randy convinced Noah that they were the best of friends,' Luke said bitterly. "And he gave him some advice that I wish to god Noah had dismissed." It was sad to him that thinking about yesterday still made him shudder. It wasn't right…he didn't want to be afraid of Noah, that was just wrong on so many levels and he couldn't stand it.

"Okay son," His dad's voice pulled him out of his thoughts. "Is there anything else I need to know, before we go to the station?"

"Luke shook his head. "I could tell you exactly what happened…but I have to repeat it at the station and I don't want to have to tell it again."

"No, son," Holden said sympathetically. "I know this has been hard enough for you to relive as it is. Let me grab my coat and we can head to the station. Do you want me to call Jack and let him know we are coming so he can tell Margo?"

"Okay," He said even as he watched his dad stand from his seat. He was barely paying attention as his father made the phone call. He was trapped in his thoughts, thinking about things that weren't helping his frame of mind. In his head he could see that gaze, Noah's eyes, loving sapphire blue…caring compassionate…warm. Everything he loved was in that gaze but in a blink of an eye…as soon as he reached for it, it changed and became cold, icy blue and there was nothing kind about it..

He jumped when a hand touched his shoulder and he looked up into his father's concerned face and paled. He tried closing his eyes to block out the images and pulled away from his father completely. He stood and tried to put as much distance between himself and the phantom image.

"Luke," his father said calmly, "Are you okay? What's wrong son? I can see that you are very jumpy, even around me. Is there something I can do?"

Luke shook his head. "Blue…" He gasped. "Eyes…blue…" He leaned against the wall and tried to catch his breath. Why was he having this reaction now?

"Luke, calm down," Holden soothed. "I'm here. I'm not going to let anyone hurt you." He made his way over to where Luke was standing and slowly placed a hand on the younger man's shoulder. "Breathe, Luke, come on Son, deep breathes you can do it." Luke took large gulps of air and tried to do what his father wanted. "That's it in and out, in and out. Now come on, sit down and tell me what just happened."

Luke followed his father's instructions and continued his effort to breathe. When he was calmer he covered his face with his hands and groaned. "I'm sorry, Dad. I don't know what came over me. It's just that Noah's eyes…they turned into Randy's eyes and then I saw you and I just, it…those eyes freak me out."

"It's okay son. I won't pretend to understand what you're going through, but I'm here and I want you to know that anytime you need me to help pull you through a panic attack like this, I will be there."

"Thanks Dad. I…I think I'm okay now. Can we go?"

"Yes, we can go. Jack said he would call Margo and they are both going to meet us at the station."

Luke nodded. He hoped it was only going to get easier from here, but he had a feeling that was a futile wish.

The last time he had seen the inside the Oakdale police station, he had been brought in on drunk driving charges. He had promised Jack that day that he would never see the inside of a police station again. Now he was headed there with his dad…and he would be the one pressing charges. Jack was waiting for them when they arrived and he wasted no time ushering them inside. Soon Luke found himself sitting in the questioning room, with his father by his side. Jack was there with his arms crossed and they were waiting for Margo to join them.

Luke was fidgety, folding and unfolding his hands, shuffling his feet and biting his lip. Every little sound made him jump and he couldn't stand the sympathetic looks he got from both his dad and his cousin. He was glad when Margo finally slipped into the room with the evidence bag in her hands. Luke cringed at the sight of that bag, but he took a deep breath and focused on the present. It was time to get this over with.

"Luke, Jack, Holden," Margo said acknowledging their presence as she took a seat. Jack and Holden nodded but Luke said nothing at all. He stared straight ahead, lost in his thoughts again, trying to gear up for what he had to say. He almost wished he had brought Noah along…but he knew that wouldn't have done anything to ease his nerves.

"Luke thanks for getting back to us about the clothes. How has Noah been since he came home?" Margo asked, as she shuffled through some papers, trying to locate the DNA evidence they had obtained.

"He's fairing well," Luke responded cordially. He could tell that Margo was trying to make this as painless as possible...and he appreciated that.

"I'm glad to hear it," Margo smiled, hoping she was offering Luke some comfort. She knew this wasn't going to be easy for him and she was sorry for that. She had known Luke his whole life, and it broke her heart to see him looking this dejected.

"Now, the last time we spoke, you said these clothes, the ones Noah had in the duffel bag belonged to you, correct?"

"Yes ma'am…the clothes are mine."

"Can you tell me how Noah came to be in possession of them?"

"I can only hazard a guess, Ma'am," Luke said with a sigh. "He was in our bedroom getting a surprise for me, and about fifteen minutes later…maybe more he came out with the duffel bag and said he had to go."

"Did he tell you where he was going?" Margo folded her hands on the desk and looked squarely at Luke.

"He said he was going to the studio, because he had left my Christmas present there."

"And you had no idea what was in the duffel bag at the time?"

"No Ma'am."

"Why did you hide the clothes, Luke?"

"I didn't want Noah to find them," Luke confessed. He lowered his eyes to focus on his fingers. So far the questions had been simple. Now things were about to get interesting.

"Why not," Margo questioned gently.

"Because I knew if he found them, he would have questions that I didn't' want to answer." Luke explained, trying hard to keep his voice controlled. He felt his father's hand on his shoulder briefly and he took strength from it. "I didn't want…I didn't want him to know."

"You mean why the clothes were ripped?"

"Yes."

"Luke," Margo said, scraping her chair against the floor as she stood up to retrieve the evidence bag. "There were three sets of DNA found on these clothes, and three sets of finger prints. One set of prints belongs to Noah. Do you know the identity of the other two sets found on these garments"

"Yes," Luke said taking a deep breath. "I know who the DNA and the prints belong to."

"Can you tell me?"

Luke was silent for a minute; the questions that would follow his response were going to be the hardest questions he'd ever have to answer. "The fingerprints are mine…and the other set belongs to Randy Thompson." He swallowed and took another deep breath. Yesterday may have been the first time he could say the name, but it was way different when he put into context with the police. "And the DNA…is mine, and Noah's…and…" he stopped as the words got caught in his throat.

His eyes closed and his head went down, he was finding it hard to breathe again.

Holden and Jack reached for Luke at the same time but Margo stopped them. "Let me talk to Luke alone, please…trust me." She waited for both men to leave the room before placing a soothing hand on Luke's back, rubbing gently as she spoke to him. "Easy, Luke. Take your time. I know this can't be easy for you…but as soon as you can say it…it starts to get easier."

His breathing began to calm and he lifted his head, nodding to let Margo know he was ready to continue. She took her seat across from him and asked him if he needed any water before they went on.

"NO, Ma'am…no water. The third DNA sample belongs to Randy Thompson."

"Did you have sex with both Randy and Noah around the same time, Luke?"

He was horrified and he shook his head vehemently. He knew she was just doing her job, but that question was just insane and it made him cringe. "No…no…just Noah. Just Noah."

Margo frowned, she knew this was painful for him, and she hated that her detective mind had led her to this. This was not something she ever thought she would have to ask Luke Snyder. He reminded her so much of Casey…and that frightened her most of all. "Why is Randy Thompson's DNA on your clothes?"

"Because he raped me."

"When?"

"On the night of November 21, 2007.

"Did this happen at your home?" 

"No ma'am. I was at work…at WOAK."

"Why were you there?"

"I always work late on Wednesdays…and Noah needed a speech so I was working on it."

"So you were at the station the whole time, during the day?"

"No ma'am," Luke said his voice small. "I…I actually didn't have to be at work that night. But I went there after having a fight with Noah."

"What were you and Noah arguing about?"

"Randy."

"Has he always been a source of derision between you and your partner?"

"Yes ma'am."

"So I am just trying to understand…you have no romantic feelings for Mr. Thompson?"

"NO," Luke said adamantly. "I love Noah. Just Noah. But he was jealous of Randy and he thought that…he accused me of cheating on him. So I left and went to work after all."

"So Mr. Thompson has romantic feelings for you?"

Luke blinked but refused to answer the question. He lowered his head instead and played with his fingers.

"Luke," Margo said reaching out her hand to cover his. "I know this is tough, and I'm asking difficult questions…but I only want to help. And I know that when we bring Randy in here he will try to put his spin on what happened. So I need to know the whole story okay?"

Luke nodded and bit his lip. "I didn't think he still had feelings for me," He said after a moment's pause. "I thought he understood that I only loved Noah."

"Did you ever have feelings for Mr. Thompson, Luke?"

"No…I flirted with him when we first met, but I never had eyes for anyone but Noah. And he said he understood that."

"Okay," Margo said keeping her voice gentle. "So how about you tell me what happened on the night in question. Start wherever you feel you need to for me to get a complete picture."

"Okay," Luke said frowning. This would be the most detailed telling of the story…and he didn't' plan on saying it again after this. "We had a dinner party that night, me, Noah and our friends. It was supposed to be our new tradition…but things didn't go according to plan really."

"Why's that?" Margo inquired.

"There was a storm that night, and it caused a power outage…and so we ended up having dinner in the dark."

"Who was there?"

"Maddie, James and Randy were the only ones who made it. Gwen and Will had backed out thanks to the storm, and Aaron called me later to apologize for not making it."

"Okay, how was Randy's behavior during the night?"

"He was very crude," Luke said frowning. "I wasn't around when he first arrived, but he kept making comments in my presence; they were highly inappropriate. I thought he was just doing it to get a rise out of Noah, and I told him to knock it off. James told him he should quit it as well."

Luke paused and chewed on his lip for a moment. There wasn't much more he could say to stall the inevitable. The cast had been set

"Anyway," he said sighing, "Noah and Randy were in the living room, while James and I were cleaning up the kitchen and Maddie was in the restroom. I don't know what was said between Randy and Noah…but Noah hit him just as the lights came back on. I sent everyone home after that and I turned on Noah and asked him why he did that?"

"Were you upset with Noah specifically because he hit him?" Margo inquired.

Luke frowned. "Why is that important?" he asked curiously.

"I'm trying to figure out your state of mind when you left," Margo explained.

"I wasn't mad at Nah for any romantic notions if that is what you are getting at," Luke said crossly. He frowned and looked apologetic at Margo. He knew she was only doing her job. "I just didn't like the fact that he hit him while we had company. But I didn't communicate that well, and I was hurt that he accused me of cheating on him so I left. And I went to the station. And I tried to work on Noah's speech, but I was distracted by thoughts of Noah."

"And that's where you were when Randy came in?"

Luke nodded as he began to lose himself in the memory of that night. "I was writing when he showed up at the door. He told me that Katie had sent him to the station to do something."

"Wait," Margo cut him off. "My sister wasn't even in town the night before Thanksgiving. She frowned, "Go on."

"He said he was there because of Katie, and he came in and I apologized for Noah's behavior earlier…he asked me if I was okay. I played it off, telling him I was fine but he pulled me up into a hug anyway. That moment, I needed that more than anything…so I hugged him back. It was just a hug, a simple hug between friends." He paused in his speech and took a deep breath.

"Keep going, Luke. You're doing great, just keep talking," Margo soothed.

"I thanked him for the hug. And I told him I was glad that he was such a good friend. And that's when he tried to kiss me. I pushed him away, and asked him what he thought he was doing."

"What did he say when you told him that?" Margo asked.

"He said he was giving me what Noah couldn't…and it was time for me to stop playing this game. And he kept saying that too," Luke mused, "that I was playing with him and it was time for it to stop. He said I owed him for being so patient while Noah broke my heart time and time again. I tried to protest, tried to tell him I owed him nothing but he wouldn't listen."

"How did he react to your protests Luke?"

"He kissed me again," Luke admitted, cringing as he watched these events play out in his mind.

"I pushed him away again and told him this was wrong. He insisted that it wasn't…that what he felt for me was real, and he was sure I would feel it too if I just gave in to it. He tried to tell me that Noah wasn't right for me and never had been." Luke paused in his story long enough to glance at Margo who was listening with a frown set on her face.

"You have no romantic feelings for Randy, correct?"

"No, I love Noah," Luke's tone was sincere as he continued with his story. "I love Noah, and I told him that. And I told him that where I belonged was back with Noah so I was going to go home, and that's…that's when he grabbed me. He was scaring me, and I told him that. I told him to let go…I just wanted to go home, but he wouldn't let me go. He wouldn't let me leave."

Despite himself he was trembling, and he looked down at his hands again.

"Luke, keep going," Margo encouraged. "Why wouldn't he let you leave?"

"Because he said I owed him, and he wanted his payment…and he was going to get it. It didn't even matter to him that he was scaring me…and hurting me.; He didn't care, he just kissed me again. He forced his tongue down my throat, and I almost choked…but I never kissed back."

"Did you try to push him away."

Luke nodded. "He's a lot bigger though…and I was still recovering from being in the hospital. The infection hadn't completely gone away. I tried though," Luke continued picking up the thread of story again. "I tried to get away but he held on tighter and wouldn't let me get away. And then his hands…they started to touch me. He ripped my shirt because I didn't make it easy for him to get it off. He ripped it…and I felt so helpless and afraid. I just wanted him to stop," He said looking into Margo's sympathetic eyes.

"Every touch made me feel dirty, and every kiss made me sick. His mouth and his hands…touching me where he had no right to…and I felt, I felt like I wanted to die. I just wanted my life to be over in that moment."

"Well there are a whole lot of people who are very glad you aren't dead, Luke. You think you can tell me the rest?"

Luke swallowed. I…I didn't stop fighting until he had me pinned to the floor and I heard ripping….and he held me down….and told me to stop squirming because I was going to enjoy this. And then he just….he just…it hurt. He did it so fast it hurt and I just laid there….with tears in my eyes waiting for it to be over. And I tried to just ignore the pain, but I…" he shook his head and trailed off.

Margo reached out for him and squeezed his arm gently. "I know this is hard for you, Luke, but I'm afraid I need to make it harder." She paused momentarily trapped in her own thoughts. She knew this would be hard for Luke…it was a hell she wouldn't wish on anyone. She knew it all too well. "I need to know everything," she explained. "Spare no detail, it's important that we know exactly what happened…tell me what Randy did to you."

"I was trying to spare you the details," he said grimly.

"Why's that," Margo asked leaning back in her chair and crossing her arms. "is it because I'm a woman?"

"I think I'm the last person to play the discrimination game, Margo," Luke quipped.

A sad smile crossed Margo's lips and she squeezed Luke's arm before growing serious again. "I know where you are, Luke, in that place where the last thing you want to do is talk about it…and you definitely don't want to give a play by play. The visuals aren't pretty, but I am a cop…and right now I need you to talk to me like I'm a cop, and not the mother of one of your good friends...and if it helps, think of me as someone who can relate too."

"I have bruises," he started after a lengthy silence. They are faded now…but they're still there."

"Tell me about the bruises Luke."

Luke rolled up his sleeve and pointed to a patch of skin. It was significantly darker then the rest of his arm, and Margo closed her eyes momentarily to slip her cop mask back into place.

"This is where he grabbed my arm, and he held it in a vice grip. When I tried to pull away the first time he tightened his hold on me and told me I wasn't going anywhere. There was nothing gentle about his touch," He said tracing his skin with his fingers. "It was rough, abrasive…demanding, and I tried to get away from it…I tried to get him to stop but he kept pulling me back in. Each time I struggled, his hold tightened, and I could no longer see the man I thought I knew in those eyes. It was like finding out that my "friend" Randy never existed."

He closed his eyes for a moment and tried to think. If he was going to do this, he needed to do it…he needed to share everything…every little detail so that Randy could go away for a very long time.

"I could feel his hot breath on my neck, as he spoke to me and told me that it was time to pay. He…licked my neck…starting at the base and licking up past my chin. I was no longer a person…but a prize to be claimed…and I was so scared. He was still holding me with one hand…tight…my arm was purple the next day. His other hand was just groping, as if he had to sample first. And he kept licking like a child with a lollipop. HE grabbed a hold of my crotch and squeezed it really hard. At that point I tried one more time to get away…and my phone rang but not even that deterred him."

He stopped again and squirmed in his seat. He was talking but he wasn't certain if he was making any sense. He was trying as it was to reveal what happened to the best of his ability, and he was grateful that no one else would hear these details.

"Three times…that's how many times he kissed me before he started ripping my shirt. His tongue forced its way into my mouth and down my throat. I thought i was going to gag. I could hear the ripping, and I could hear my muffled attempts of protest…and I was pulled to the floor. I was growing weak…quickly but I still fought, I still tried to make my discomfort known. It just wasn't doing any good.

"He pinned me to the floor, his knees straddling me, pressing against my hips to keep me from moving. I closed my eyes…I didn't want to see what he was doing, but he grabbed my hair and made me open them. He said he wanted me to see this because he was certain I would enjoy it. And there was more ripping, more touching and squeezing. He said he wanted me to remember his hands, his touch and he said that I would forget all about Noah."

"When did you stop fighting?"

"When he entered me," Luke's voice was laced with pain and he swallowed before he continued. "It was like this intense pain ripping through me and I think I screamed…or I tried to. He covered my mouth and told me to be quiet and he thrust, hard and fast. I just couldn't fight anymore…I just wanted it to be over and the pain…" he shook his head and sighed. "I just laid there and waited for him to be finished."

"And when it was over?" Margo prompted.

"When it was over, Randy collapsed against me and forced me into another kiss. I was just numb…I just wanted him to leave me alone. He said I did good, and that was better than he had hoped."

Luke cringed and licked his lips. He hadn't admitted this to anyone before, and he wasn't certain how anyone would take it if they knew. I was trembling and my heart was beating fast…I just wanted him to get up…I wanted him to go away and just let me be."

"But he didn't…he wasn't done using my body yet."

"How long?" Margo asked.

"I blacked out…I'm not even sure. When I came to, he was gone and I was alone in the room. I just pulled myself into a ball and cried until I couldn't cry anymore. I just wanted to go home."

"So you gathered your things and you left? Why didn't you go to the hospital?"

"I knew that was the logical thing to do, but I just couldn't. I just didn't want to deal with the hospital and the questions and I certainly didn't want anyone to touch me. So I covered myself with my torn clothes and went home and fell asleep on the couch."

"You slept in the clothes?"

Luke nodded. "Noah was home, I couldn't go into our bedroom with fear of him waking up and asking questions. I wanted out of those clothes so badly but it had to wait till morning, when Noah was gone. I couldn't get out of those clothes quick enough…I put them in a bag and hid that bag in the back of the closet…that's where Noah found them."

"And did you have any more contact with Mr. Thompson after that night?"

"He called me that morning…three times. Twice on my cell phone, and once on our home phone."

"Tell me about the calls." 

"He called just as I finished my shower," Luke explained. "I answered it because I thought it might be Noah…but I froze as soon as I heard Randy's voice. He claimed to be worried about me and he asked me if I was still recovering from last night. I hung up on him and then I got sick. My phone rang again but I didn't answer it that time. I was afraid it would be Randy again"

"You did answer the phone again that day, right?"

"Yeah…I answered it because I didn't want to worry Noah. It was Randy and he continued to taunt me. I told him to forget he ever knew me…to forget my name because I never wanted to see him again. He wanted to know if I was still thinking about it and I just…the truth was I was still thinking about it because I couldn't' get those memories to go away. Even in the shower I was recalling his hands."

"Was he more taunting during the second call, Luke?" Margo asked, gently holding on to Luke's attention. She didn't think he'd do himself any justice if he got lost in his memories.

"he said he wouldn't tell Noah about our affair and he was looking at where it had happened. I threw my phone after that. It hit the wall and then started ringing again so I smashed it."

"Okay, you said Randy called one more time right?"

"I didn't answer the phone the last time…I just screened it. and Randy was talking about how I should pick up the phone because I won't want Noah to know and he wanted to come over and continue where we left off and…I just snapped. I turned off the ringer on the phone and…" he shook his head and looked seriously at Margo.

"I know I shouldn't have…but that was the moment I started drinking again. I just couldn't take it anymore and I wanted all those thoughts to go away."

"I think we can overlook that under the circumstances…are you drinking now?"

"No, ma'am. I stopped right before Christmas."

"What prompted you to stop?"

"Well…just to backtrack a bit I had two other encounters with Randy. One was a phone call, just a week after it happened. I was home alone and Noah had called, and then James so I thought one of them was calling me back. It turned out to be Randy, and he said that he was going to come to the apartment because he missed me. I hung on him again and I didn't hear from him until I went to the station to talk to Noah."

"And when did you do that?"

"December 17th, a week before Christmas," Luke replied. "I realized that I needed help and I…I missed Noah. I was afraid to talk to him, but I missed him and I went to WOAK to find Maddie to talk to her about it. And instead I found Noah and he was with Randy, and they were standing….in that spot. I opened the door and they turned to face me. Two pairs of eyes…both of them blue. Noah's were filled with concern and Randy's…I ran from them, from those eyes that even at that moment were undressing me and it made me feel dirty all over again. I saw him one more time in the parking lot and he acted like I was being impolite for not speaking to him. Those eyes just wouldn't stop taunting me."

"Was that the last time you saw him?"

Luke shook his head. "He's been hanging around Noah," he explained. "He called the farm on Christmas day and my mom talked to him…she invited him over to the farm and I freaked, so Noah and I went home…and then I didn't see Randy again until my mom brought him over to the apartment. He was there in my living room, standing there with a smug look on his face as he talked to Noah. I tried hard to ignore him, but then I snapped at him…that was just last week."

"Okay, we're getting close to the end here, Luke. "What brought you here today? What pushed you to your breaking point?"

"I don't want Noah to get into any trouble," he said causing Margo to raise her eyebrows. "I mean what I am about to say, he won't get in trouble will he?"

"No, Noah won't get into trouble Luke. What's this about?"

Randy has been taking advantage of the fact that Noah has amnesia," Luke explained. "And yesterday, he crossed the line."

"What happened?" Margo asked, her frown deepening.

"Randy told Noah that I enjoy aggressive, rough sex. He said that I liked being dominated and that Noah should try it."

"Oh no," Margo groaned, knowing where this was going.

"Noah listened to him."

"And I imagine that brought all your fears to the surface right?"

"Yeah," Luke admitted and "I was so scared of Noah, yesterday. And I'm sure most of that is because of the eyes and the fact that my nightmares were constant now that I was in my home again…but it just…"

"It must have been tough," Margo interjected, "Seeing as Noah is the one person you felt safe with."

"Yes ma'am and that security has been rocked to its core, but something good came out of yesterday. I may be back to not wanting to be touched…but I was able to say Randy's name and put a name to what he did. And that's what brings me here today."

A soft smile crossed Margo's lips. "You are very brave Luke. I know that was hard for you. I think we are just about done here. I just have to ask you one more thing, okay?"

"Okay, I think I can handle one more question."

"With everything you have told me today, are you prepared to press charges against Randy Thompson?"

"Yes," Luke, said, immediately feeling lighter once he said the word. "Yes, I want to press charges against him. I want to put this behind me. I don't want him to get away with hurting me, or Noah."

"Okay then," Margo said getting to her feet. Tell me where Randy is today, and I will send someone to get him now."

"He should be at work…with Maddie."

Margo placed a hand on Luke's shoulder and gave it a squeeze. "I want you to know that I'm very proud of you, Luke." She smiled and went to the door to dispatch officers to WOAK." Luke covered his face and ran his hands through his hair. He felt emotionally drained, and he knew he was nowhere near being finished. As soon as Margo told him he could move, he thanked her and let himself out of the room. He saw his dad waiting for him and immediately went to him for a hug.

"Are you okay?" Holden asked when they pulled apart.

"I need to talk to Noah," Luke said. I'll be okay after I talked to him."

Holden nodded and squeezed his son's shoulder. "I'm proud of you, son."

Luke acknowledged his dad's statement, even as he pulled out his cell phone. "Call Noah please," he said using the voice prompt because he didn't trust himself to touch the keypad at the moment.

As soon as he heard that familiar voice a smile crossed his lips. It was as if in that moment nothing else mattered…the worries and the fears were forgotten in this moment…and all that matters was that he had answered the phone.

"Hi," he said letting out the breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. "I was calling to see how you're doing. Is your day going okay so far?"

"I'm more concerned about you," Noah's voice was like a balm on Luke's nerves. He welcomed the comfort, and wished it could always be this simple. "How did it go?"

"I got through it," Luke said, his tone light. And…I do feel a little better, now that I've talked to you."

"Well I'm glad that talking with me seems to help. Are you sure you don't want me to come down and be with you?"

"You have no idea how much I wish…I don't think you need to be here when they bring Randy in, Noah. Could you just talk to me?"

"OF course I can do that," Noah replied easily. "How is your dad? I am sure he must be pretty upset."

"Dad looks like he's about ready to kill. I'm just glad that he didn't have to hear all the details. I'm glad you didn't have to hear them either. I still can't believe I said all of that. This is just so emotionally draining, Noah. I think I'm still reeling."

"I'm sure you are," Noah said his voice full of compassion. "That must have been so horrible for you to have to relive. I…I still feel so awful that I listened to that creep and almost hurt you again."

"I know you're sorry."

"I would never forgive myself if I hurt you," Noah continued. "is there anything that I can do here at home for you?"

Luke smiled. "Are you taking care of yourself?" he asked. "I'm okay as long as you are alright."

"Yes, I'm trying to. I did my exercises and I ate a little. I miss you though."

"I miss you too, especially at moments like this." Luke sighed. "Can I be completely selfish for a minute?"

"Sure you can, Luke. I am here for whatever you need. You just say the word."

"Can't," Luke said frowning. "Because what I want, you can't really give me because it's not that simple. I mean, I wish you could be here, I wish you could know why I need you here and I wish that I could just let you chase things away, but I'm apparently not good at wishing games lately, Noah. "I'm not having such good luck with holidays either. Here it is Valentine's Day and I'm stuck in the police station…and this would have been our first Valentine's."

"Luke," Noah said, concern clear in his voice. "I wish I could make this better for you. I don't think that was a bit selfish. Maybe I can do something for us for dinner, since its Valentine's day."

"You don't have to do that, Noah."

"NO, its okay I want to. Please don't' worry about me. You just take care of you. I will be waiting when you get home, okay?"

Luke felt his smile widen just a bit. "And that is why I fell in love with you in the first place," he marveled. "Thanks Noah…I just needed to hear your voice, so thank you."

"You're so welcome, Luke. You hang in there and don't hesitate to call me back if you need me. I'll come to you as quick as I can, if you need me there. Though you'll have to give me directions."

Luke laughed. "I better go," he said sadly. "See you when I get home."

"You take care, Luke. "I'll see you when you get here."

"Come in," Maddie responded to the knock on the door. She heard the door open and knew the moment that someone was behind her. "May I help you," she said turning around, startled to see a uniformed officer standing before her. "is there something I can help you with officer…"

"Morgan," the police officer said showing his badge. "I am looking for Randy Thompson. I was told he would be here."

"I'm Randy Thompson," Randy said entering the room. "is there something I can help you with?"

"I need you to come with me," Officer Morgan said turning to Randy.

"Am I being arrested?" Randy asked frowning. "What is this about?"

"Your presence is requested at the police station," the officer repeater. "The chief of police wishes to speak with you."

"Why," Randy asked crossing his arms.

"Yours is not to question why, Mr. Thompson. If the Chief of Police wants to speak with you then you come and see what she wants."

Maddie couldn't help the smirk that crossed her lips as she continued to work on the production report. She had a pretty good idea what Randy was being brought in for. She wondered momentarily how Luke was doing. She knew talking to the police couldn't have been easy for him.

"Fine, let's go," Randy said crossly. "I don't understand why she wants to see me. It's not like I did anything wrong."

Maddie rolled her eyes and smiled with Officer Morgan said goodbye to her. She glanced over her report one last time before placing it in a folder and putting it in the desk. She would work on that tomorrow. Right she had a friend who most likely needed her help.

"Luke," Margo touched his shoulder and he looked up at her. His father had managed to convince him that pacing wouldn't make time go any quicker. The waiting was driving him crazy, and he almost wished he had taken Noah up on his offer.

"Yes ma'am?" he asked a frown settling on his lips.

"I need to ask you another question before Randy gets here. Can I speak with you alone?"

"I guess so," Luke said standing slowly. He followed behind Margo, with his hands in his pockets and his head bowed. He really didn't know what more she could ask him.

"There's something important that I forgot to ask you," Margo said closing the door and gesturing for Luke to take a seat

"More about Randy?"

"Yes, I'm afraid there's something we overlooked. Was Randy using a condom, Luke?"

Realization dawned on him even before he opened his mouth to respond. "N…no, he didn't use one."

"Okay," Margo said, gently. She wanted to ease Luke's panic as best she could. She could see in his eyes that he was growing concerned. "It's alright, Luke. Don't panic, it's nothing to concern yourself with at this moment. You will need to be tested though, and Noah too."

"OH god," Luke said, his hand covering his mouth as he turned a weirs shade of green. Margo quickly grabbed the trash can and made it just in time to catch Luke's vomit. "I'm sorry," he said weakly once his stomach was empty.

"IT's alright, Luke. That's why god created trash cans." She rubbed his back and gave his shoulder a squeeze. "I don't want you to worry about this just yet, Luke. I just wanted to make you aware of it

"But, you're pretty much telling me, that I need to get myself and Noah tested for HIV and other STD's. I could have exposed Noah to something…that's just not right. I can't believe I did that…god."

"Enough of that," Margo said sternly, cupping Luke's face with her hand. "I don't want to hear you berating yourself anymore, you understand? You didn't do anything wrong, Luke. And you have so much on your plate already, don't stress yourself out…you need to be strong to face down your final demon. And you know that even after you do that, the worst isn't over. This will have to go to trial most likely, and you need to be up for that. Now can I count on you to be strong?"

"Yes, Ma'am," Luke said, wiping away the two tears that dared to contradict his words. "I'll be okay."

"Good," Margo said letting go of his face. "Now come on, I think Mr. Thompson has arrived.

"Hey Margo?"

"Yes, Luke?"

"Can I have…a hug…maybe?"

Margo smiled and held her arms out for Luke, holding on to him for a long moment.

"Will you tell me what this is about now?" Randy asked as he was escorted into the police station.

"If you will follow me in here, Mr. Thompson," Margo said stepping up, "I'd be happy to explain why you are here."

Randy followed the woman into an empty room. He settled into one of the chairs and waited to see what this woman had to say.

"Mr. Thompson" Margo started, "there has been a very serious allegation brought against you. Can you tell me where you were on the night of November 21, 2007?"

"I was at a dinner party with friends," Randy replied

"You were at this party all evening? I will need names of the others who were there to verify your story."

"Not the whole night, no. The party broke up shortly after a blackout. Besides myself, the guests were Madeline Coleman, Luke Snyder, Noah Mayer and James Mcp…something. I don't remember his last name," Randy shrugged. "But the party broke up after Noah decided to assault me."

"Explain please," Margo said folding her hands in front of her. "Why would Noah assault you?"

"Because he was jealous," Randy retorted. "He resented my friendship with Luke, and was upset that Luke preferred to spend time with me then him."

"What leads you to believe that Luke would rather spend tiem with you than his husband?" Margo inquired. "And if you are saying Noah assaulted you why didn't you file a report?"

"Because I didn't want to hurt Luke, by being jealous back," Randy said smoothly. And Luke always says he wants to spend more time with me. He only doesn't because Noah complains all the time. He doesn't love Noah, he just feels sorry for him."

'After Noah hit you, and the dinner party broke up, where did you go?" Margo asked taking control of the conversation..

"I was called into work soon after I left. What is this about if I may ask?"

"I will ask the questions, Mr. Thompson if you don't mind. Who called you into work?"

"My boss," Randy replied. "Katie Peretti…she said she needed me to check on the Thanksgiving show. She said there were some details she had forgotten."

Margo crosses her arms and leaned forward on the table. Are you from Oakdale, Mr. Thompson?"

"No, I just moved here over the summer though I think that is irrelevant."

"I will be the judge of that," Margo stated. "I was curious because Ms. Peretti is my sister, and I know for a fact that she was out of town, and there were no tapings scheduled for Thanksgiving day. It was pre-taped the week before. So, let's try this again. Why did you go to the studio that evening?"

Randy sighed and shook his head. "He is going to be so mad at me," he mumbled under his breath. "But he will get over it, if he realizes I had no choice."

"Excuse me?" Margo said raising her eyebrows.

"Luke made me swear I wouldn't tell anyone, but I went to see him. It's our secret rendezvous spot. It was all planned you see. After dinner we were supposed to meet up there, separately of course. It didn't go according to plan, thanks to Noah. But we still managed to keep our meeting."

"I see," Margo said her tone neutral. "So what you're saying is that you didn't follow Mr.  
Snyder to WOAK."

"Not at all," Randy replied amiably. "Is that what he told you?"

"How long, Mr. Thompson would you say these "secret" meetings have been taking place between you and Mr. Snyder?"

Randy smirked. "We have then whenever time allows. Sometimes its once a week, sometimes its three times a week. And we always meet up on Wednesday nights. November 21st was no exception. We didn't meet up much after that, I think Noah kept him on a short leash."

"Mr. Thompson, did you have intercourse with Mr. Snyder on the night in question?"

"I don't think that is any of your concern?"

"Mr., Thompson," Margo said leaning forward once more. "Do you realize where you are sitting? Anything I ask you is my concern. Now you can either answer the question or I am putting you in a holding cell."

"Okay if you want to play hardball. Yes, as a matter of fact I did."

"And was the act consensual by both parties?"

"Yes," Randy said smiling sweetly. "I don't want to bore you with the details of my sexual escapades with Luke, but that particular night was very nice indeed."

"Don't get smart with me, young man, just answer the questions. Now can you explain to me why Mr. Snyder is still sporting bruises from this alleged consensual event?"

"Oh those?" Randy said shaking his head. "Luke is very clumsy, and he bruises easily. Hw as being a little…rough that night so he did get bruised pretty badly."

"Mr. Thompson," Margo said reaching for the evidence bag. "Do you recognize these?"

"It looks like a bunch of torn rags to me." Randy commented, wrinkling his nose.

"So you don't recognize these, Mr. Thompson?"

"Should I?"

"Mr. Snyder has identified these "rags" as the clothes he was wearing on the night in question. Can you tell me how these clothes came to be in this condition?"

"IF I didn't even realize they were clothes, how would I know" Randy retorted. "Luke was fine with I left him. You can't expect me to know why his clothes are ripped to shreds," he shrugged his shoulders. "Noah probably smelled my scent on them and got territorial and ripped them himself."

"Mr. Thompson when you engaged in intercourse with Mr. Snyder were clothes removed."

"His were, yes. I do believe that is what happens when two people make love."

"Mr. Thompson Can you explain to me how your DNA Came to be on Mr. Snyder's clothing?"

"I do not have to answer these questions," Randy said standing. "I think you are entirely rude and I want to speak with y our supervisor."

"Mr. Thompson," Margo said standing and placing her palms fat on the desk, "Unless you want to find yourself sitting in a holding cell for the remainder of the day and night, I suggest you answer my question. I am the supervisor and I don't care if you think I am rude. My job is to ask the hard questions when things happen. So you really only have two choices. Answer the questions or sit in a holding cell. What's it going to be?"

"Fine," Randy said sitting back down. "I don't see what you think you are getting at by asking me about my sex life. Of course my DNA is on Luke's clothes, he is my lover, and we had sex that night. If Luke is saying otherwise it's because he still doesn't want it to be known. He likes keeping secrets."

Margo continued standing, looking squarely at Randy. "Mr. Thompson, I am asking about your sex life because as I told you earlier very serious allegations have been made against you. Now after the night in question, did you speak with Mr. Snyder again?"

"I spoke with him the next day. I wanted to let him know that I had a good time with him. In fact I talked to him a few times the next day. We kept getting disconnected."

"And after that have you had any contact with Mr. Snyder."

"I talked to him again about a week later, but then not so much. He just disappeared, like I said I think Noah caught him so he had to cool it down. I asked his mom about him on Christmas, but he was gone by the time I came to the farm. And then I saw him last week. But that was just for a few minutes, he seemed highly upset and he was yelling at his mother."

"Anything else you feel that I need to know about your relationship with Mr. Snyder?"

"I don't think there's anything more you need to know. So can I can go now?"

"No, Mr. Thompson, I'm afraid not."

"Why not?" Randy asked indignantly. "You can't keep me here."

"Mr. Snyder has decided to press charges against you for rape and harassment. A warrant for your arrest has been issued and at this time I am going to have an officer mirandize you and you will be taken for booking and you will remain in custody until such time as a judge sees fit to have a bond hearing for you. Do you have any questions?"

Randy crossed his arms. "Luke can claim whatever he wants, but I know the truth. And I didn't do anything wrong. Rape indeed, as if. He needs to stop getting me confused with that jerk he insists on staying with. He's the ass you should be after, not me."

Mr. Thompson," Margo said her voice leaving no room for argument, "as of right now I would advise you to shut your mouth, and not say another word. Mr. Snyder has made no claim against Mr. Mayer, his claim is against you. Now it will be up to a judge to decide your innocence or guilt not me."

"Well if this is the way that Luke chooses to play it then so be it. Do what you have to do, I know who's telling the truth here and soon everyone else will too."

"Alright Mr. Thompson, on your feet. Let's go."

"Am I doing the right thing?" Luke asked for what seemed the fifteenth time. He knew his father and his cousin had be getting frustrated with him, but neither of them showed it on their faces. "I mean, this doesn't end today. I just know that he's in there lying…and this is going to get dragged through court. I should…"

"Easy, Luke," Holden said stopping his son's flow of words. "You are doing the right thing. Randy deserves to pay for what he did to you."

"HE's not going to admit it," Luke said sadly. He sighed and got up from his seat. "I'm going to call Noah again. "I need to calm down."

A hand covered his before he could dial the number and he looked up to see Maddie standing in front of him. Without a word he collapsed into her arms and held on tight.

"What are you doing here?" he asked pulling her away to look at her. "I'm glad you're here," he pulled her into another hug and she just smiled, trying to soothe him by rubbing his back gently.

"OF course I'm here," she said pulling away from him after a moment. "How are you"?"

"I'm a nervous wreck, Maddie," He admitted. "This waiting is driving me crazy…and even though I talked to Noah I can't calm down completely. It's maddening. He's in there…in that room, and I just know he's not telling the truth and this is going to go on for a very long time."

"Maddie placed a hand on Luke's cheek as she leveled her gaze at him. "You need to cool it before you make yourself sick." She scolded lightly. Her phone rang at that moment and she sighed before answering it. "Hello….Hi Noah, is everything okay? Yes…yes…Okay, I'll be right over, just stay put."

"Go make sure Noah is okay," Luke said as she turned to face him again. "I'll be alright here."

"Are you sure?" she said frowning. Her friend looked miserable and she hated seeing him that way.

"Yes, I'm sure. I don't want Noah to be alone if he's freaked so go see what's wrong with him.; Take care of him for me until I get there okay?"

"No worries," Maddie said giving him another hug. "I will watch over Noah. You hang in there…things are going to be better after today. You talked about it…that's a big step, the first step" she squeezed his hand and turned to leave the precinct. She said good bye to Holden and Jack and dialed her boyfriend's number as she headed out to her car.

"Hey sweetie," she said when Jams picked up. "If you aren't busy, Luke cou7ld really use you down at the police station. He's waiting for Mrs. Hughes to finish talking to Randy and he seems pretty frazzled. I know I could count on you, I love you too….bye"

He was still standing when Margo led Randy out of the interrogation room. Randy looked bored, and Luke froze the moment those blue eyes made contact with him.

"Dallas can you read Mr. Thompson his rights and get the ball rolling there. Get him to booking so we can process him quickly and get him into a cell. "Mr. Thompson I need your signature on this sworn statement, and Luke I'm going to need your signature too."

"Yes, ma'am," Luke said breaking out of his daze. He walked toward Margo and took the pen and paper she held out for him. He tried to steady his hand before putting it to paper so he could sign. He felt like he was signing his life away.

'Randall Thompson you are under arrest for the assault and harassment of Luke Snyder. You have the right to remain silent," he heard Dallas begin. "Anything you cay can and will be used against you in the court of law. You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney one will be assigned to you by the courts. Do you understand these rights as they have been explained to you?"

Luke felt a little better when Dallas slapped the hand cuffs around Randy's wrists. His calm was short lived however when Randy locked eyes as he was led away. "You will regret this Luke," he said stopping when he was close enough to Luke to unnerve him. ""I was the best lover you ever had and you know you're going to miss me."

"You're sick," Luke said refusing to be baited by him this time. He turned away from those eyes and headed back to where his father was sitting. He didn't want to stare at Randy anymore.

"You can't even face me can you," Randy called after him. "The guilt is eating at you already. You know you're lying and you can't stand it." Luke stopped but he didn't turn around, he was not going to give Randy the time of day, not this time. "Noah must be really jealous of our relationship."

"What did you say," Luke said turning, his fists clenched as he glared at the other man.

"Noah," Randy said again smugly. "He must be really jealous our relationship since he was asking me for advice on how to make you happy. I hope you don't mind that I gave him some pointers."

"SHUT UP YOU BASTARD!" Luke raged as he charged forward, grabbing a hold of Randy's shirt and slamming him against the wall. "You shut up right now, and don't you ever, ever utter Noah's name again you understand? He is a far better man, a far better person than you could ever hope to be, and I hate you. I hate you."

James could hear the yelling even before he entered the precinct. He felt a sense of déjà vu as he realized it was Luke who was yelling, and he jogged the rest of the way in, just in time to see Holden and Jack moving forward to get Luke away from Randy."

"I am very disappointed in you, Luke," Randy taunted. "I didn't think you were really that cruel."

"You're the cruel one," Luke yelled as he struggled to get out of Holden and Jack's combined grip. "You hurt me, and all I ever did was try to be your friend. I was your friend, Randy and you repay me by taking advantage of me. How could you do that to me?"

"All I did was love you, Luke."

"You don't know what that word means," Luke said managing to get away from his father and his cousin and charged at Randy again. "You wouldn't know love if it kicked you here," he said letting his foot hit Randy square in the groin. "That's for me," he said through clenched teeth, and this, " he kicked him again a little harder before he felt hands on him again, "is for hurting Noah, you sick twisted bastard"

"That's enough, Luke," he heard James voice as he was turned around and he found himself looking into piercing green eyes. James placed his hands on Luke's cheeks and pressed their foreheads together. "Breathe," he said, keeping his hold until Luke visibly relaxed. "That's better, keep doing that."

"Will you get him out of here," Jack snapped "Get him finger printed and put in a cell, now. Go." He walked over to where Luke was standing, just as the blond placed his hands on James' shoulders and pulled back slightly. "Are you calm now, Luke," Jack asked, crossing his arms in front of him.

Luke glared at him, and Jack chuckled lightly. You know the Snyder glare is not going to work on Snyders, Luke.

He couldn't help the smile that crossed his lips and he shook his head. "He just makes me so mad," he explained even as his dad came over to join the group. James let go of Luke and tried to move away but Luke held him there and shook his head. "Don't go yet, James, I still need you."

""You have every right to be upset, Luke, but our goal is to keep you out of jail. And if you assault him…you're only going to get yourself in trouble."

"Yeah," James added. "We want to keep you out of jail, Remember?"

"They have a point, Luke, Holden added. "But we're proud of you just the same. You did good today."

"Can we go now? I just want to go home."

"I think that's a good idea," Holden said placing a hand on his son's shoulder. "Let's get back to the farm so you can get your car."

"And I will follow you," James added. "That way I can see you home safely."

"You can meet up with Maddie too," Luke nodded and moved away from the three men who surrounded him. Margo walked out of her office at that moment and Luke went over to her. "Thank you," he said, taking her hands into his. "So much for everything."

"No thanks necessary, Luke. "You did all the work; I was just doing my job. Now get out of here, one of us needs to enjoy Valentine's Day."

The ride to the farm was quiet as both men sat lost in their thoughts. Holden was thinking about Luke, and how hard this was for him. He hated that his son has to go through this. He hated that somehow he had missed it; that his son had been…was suffering and he didn't know how to help him. That was the crux of it…when all was said and done, Holden wasn't sure what to do about this. He supposed that all he could do was be there for Luke…now that he knew, he could do that much.

Luke couldn't believe he had done that…he was still reeling from all that had been revealed that day. And the worst of it…the fact that he needed to tell Noah they could have been exposed to…anything. He swallowed the bile that rose in his throat and tried to focus on something else…something other than the big colossal black hole that he just couldn't seem to pull himself out of. Every time he thought he was out he got sucked back in again and right now…he just wanted to be away from it.

He noticed Lily's car as they pulled into the farm. Luke bristled and looked at his dad sadly. "I can't do this again, Dad. I'm going home to Noah."

Holden gave his son a hug and reiterated that he was there if he needed him. Luke thanked him and got out of the car, walked past his mom and got into his own without saying a word.

"Noah, are you here,' Maddie called as she balanced the bags in her hands.

"I'm in the kitchen," Noah called.

"Can you come help me with…oh thanks" she said as Noah took one of the bags from her. "This is all the stuff you are going to need for the received," she explained as she followed him into the kitchen. "And here's the recipe, do you think you can handle it?"

"I'm going to try," Noah said looking at the directions. "I want to do something special for Luke. He sounded so sad on the phone, he needs cheering up."

"Well I think you will be off to a good start if you make this, and don't forget the garlic. Luke loves garlic."

"Garlic right," Noah said smiling at Maddie. "Thanks Maddie…I hope it wasn't' a bother for you to do this for me.

"Not a bother at all and you are very welcome. Good luck with Luke. I have to go though."

"Can you stay?" Noah pleaded. "If I am alone I'm just going to worry about Luke, and really I don't want to be alone right now please."

Maddie's heart went out to her friend. "Yeah, I think I can stay for awhile…we can cook together."

Noah smiled and looked at the recipe again. It wasn't long before the two of them were busy preparing Noah's special dinner for Luke.

Everything was ready. The sauce was done, the noodles cooked to perfection, and the kitchen was permeated with delicious smells. The table was set, Maddie had brought flowers and Noah ad found the placemats and the special dishes. Noah had hopped in the shower and Maddie was just putting the finishing touches on things when Luke walked through the door, with James right behind him.

"Wow something smells delicious," James exclaimed appreciatively.

"HI," Maddie said coming into the living room to slip into James' arms. "I've missed you."

"Missed you too," James said wrapping his arms around her waist as he leaned to give her a kiss. Luke smiled and went into the dining room. He was touched by the candlelit table and the welcoming smell of pasta and garlic. IT warmed his heart to think that Noah had gone through all this trouble to make tonight special.

Maddie was slipping into her coat when he returned to the living room, and Noah was standing there, barefoot with his shirt open and his hair still damp. Luke's heart skipped a beat. He had forgotten how much he missed "fresh out of the shower" Noah. He longed to go over to him, to slip his arms around him and rest his head against his chest…but he couldn't. It wouldn't be right…it would hurt them both too much.

"Hey," Noah said smiling as he noticed Luke standing there. "Maddie and James were just about to go. They have reservations for dinner tonight. I was trying to get them to stay for dinner instead."

"We don't' want to impose," James said wrapping his arm around Maddie. "Besides you two need a night alone…especially after yesterday."

"I agree with James," Luke said smiling. "It looks like you went through a lot of trouble to make dinner for two, Noah. My mouth is already watering."

"You don't mind being alone with me?" Noah asked a minute after James and Maddie made their exit.

"Not at all," Luke said coming over to place a hand on Noah's cheek. It felt cool to the touch, and he allowed his fingers to warm it for a moment. "I'll go take a shower, and then we can have dinner. I missed you today."

"I missed you too," Noah said as Luke's fingers slipped away from him. He watched Luke head into the bedroom, and then followed him. He had to finish getting ready himself and for the first time since that morning he was smiling.

"Everything looks really good," Luke said as Noah placed a plate in front of him. "You didn't really have to go through all this trouble though."

"IT was no trouble at all," Noah said before heading back into the kitchen. He returned with his own plate and a bottle of sparkling grape juice. "I wanted to do something nice for you. You seemed so sad when I talked to you earlier."

"Not sad, really," Luke said as Noah took his seat. "It was more like a mixture of relief and frazzled nerves. Talking to you was a big help though, so thank you."

"Glad I could help," Noah said focusing on his food. Luke did the same, and they ate for a few minutes in relative silence. The candles danced and the only sounds to be heard were the scraping of forks against plates and the even breathing of the boys. The silence was comfortable, unlike the strain of breakfast.

"So how was your day," Luke asked, his voice soft like a whisper floating across the quiet to meat Noah's ears.

"It was okay," Noah replied, his voice just as soft as his eyes locked with Luke's. "I've been doing a lot of thinking today. Mostly about you"

"Me?" Luke questioned. "What about me?"

"Well," Noah started, a gentle smile crossing his lips. "I was thinking about our first kiss and how it made me feel.. I was so nervous."

"Nervous? You asked me if you could kiss me…and you were nervous."

"Not that kiss, Luke. Our first kiss."

The fork was suspended in air, just inches from Luke's mouth as he looked at his husband. "Our first kiss?" he asked ever so slowly lowering his fork to the plate. He was no longer thinking about food.

"Yeah," Noah's smile widened. "Yeah I remember our first kiss. I can remember being nervous right before too."

"Tell me about it."

"You were fixing my tie," Noah explained. I was standing there, looking into your dark eyes and I knew in that moment that I just had to kiss you. You asked me what was wrong and I told you nothing and then our lips met and for that moment nothing else mattered but you."

Luke couldn't begin to describe the joy he felt at that moment. He was practically beaming as he looked at Noah. Noah remembering was like a glimmer of hope shining through the dark clouds. "Yeah, I was nervous too," he admitted.

"Why were you nervous?" Noah asked curiously.

"Because it was my first kiss," Luke blushed. "I had dreamed about kissing you, and that day when I was looking in your eyes, I wanted it so badly…I didn't' want to do it wrong. OF course there's also the fact that I couldn't believe that you were really kissing me." 

"I thought about it a lot," Noah smiled. "And you were so close that day, I just couldn't help myself."

"Do you remember anything else about that day?"

"Not really. That's all so far."

"That's okay," Luke smiled encouragingly. "It's still a nice memory for Valentine's Day."

"Yeah," Noah agreed."

Luke took a hold of Noah's hand and gave it a squeeze, brown eyes meeting blue head on in an intense gaze. "Thank you, Noah. I can't tell you how much that means to me."

"Luke," Noah started after a brief moment of intense silence. "I know that a meal can never make up for what I did, but I want to make it up to you. I think I'm falling in love with you all over again."

The statement warmed Luke's heart and he placed his free hand on Noah's cheek, caressing it lightly as he continued to look at him. "Will you be patient?"

"Absolutely. I will wait forever for you."

"And will you trust my word over anyone else's?"

"Yes I will always ask you before i take anyone else's word again, even if it comes from James or Maddie. "

A soft smile crossed Luke's lips as he leaned over to kiss him. The tender embrace lasted only a moment but Luke allowed his thumb to brush Noah's lips as he spoke.

"Happy Valentine's day Noah…I think I'm falling for you too."


	26. Chapter 26

He was trying to focus, but he wasn't really having much luck. It was a hard task, when he found himself wanting to stare into the brown eyes that were smiling back at him. It was hard not to focus on those eyes, to see all the love that radiated from them. He wanted so badly to remember what it was like to be caught up in that gaze. Over the past few weeks he had gotten a glimpse of what it was like to be loved by Luke, but sometimes he still felt like there was a chasm between them. Though he had been forgiven for the incident, he felt that Luke was still holding back, still too afraid to let him in completely. He wanted to change that, he just didn't know how.

"What are doing?"

"Trying to figure out when this picture was taken," Noah responded without taking his eyes off the portrait. "I have to go to therapy today, and my therapist said that I should try to focus on things to see if they bring forth any recognition."

"That might work better for you if you weren't staring at me."

Noah turned to see Luke grinning at him, with his bag slung across his back and a cup of coffee in his hand. "Should I even ask how you knew that?" he asked curiously.

"Probably not," Luke replied handing him the cup of coffee.

"Thank you," Noah said his fingers brushing Luke's as he accepted the cup. "Are you coming home straight from work today?"

"I have an appointment with James today, but I will try not to be too late. You know how to reach me if you need me."

"Okay," Noah said sadly as Luke walked toward the door. "Hey Luke."

"Yeah?"

"I…I love you." 

A faint smile touched Luke's lips. "I love you too, Noah. "See you tonight."

He sighed as the door closed behind Luke and rested his head against the couch. He didn't have much time to think about that exchange. He needed to get to the hospital for his appointment. Luke had helped reacquaint him with the town, and he now felt comfortable walking to his appointments when Luke's dad couldn't drive him. Luke had taught him how to drive, but he didn't think he was ready to get behind the wheel of a vehicle, and it hadn't gone unnoticed that Luke was relieved when he said that.

"Hey Noah," he heard his name being called as he entered the hospital. He turned and saw James coming towards him.

"Hi," He said as he continued to walk toward the elevators.

"How are you doing this morning?" James asked as he fell into step with him.

"Fine, I guess," Noah said trying to make his voice sound cheerful. "I have another appointment today."

"Are you sure you are alright?" James asked as they stepped into the elevator. Noah shrugged and put his head down. "You know, Noah," James said placing a hand on the other man's shoulder. "You can talk to me. I'm not just Luke's friend you know. I'm yours too."

"Thanks James," Noah said looking up to face him. "I needed to hear that."

"Remember it, okay," James said squeezing his shoulder.

Noah smiled and followed James off the elevator. They went their separate ways and Noah quickened his pace so he wouldn't be late for his appointment.

"Okay, Noah let's try this again," Dr. Webber coaxed gently. "Tell me what this is."

"It's a hospital bracelet?" Noah said frowning.

"Does that mean anything to you?"

"I don't think so," he said trying to concentrate. "It doesn't look like it belongs to me…unless I was in the hospital last year at some time."

"Relax Noah, deep breaths, close your eyes and feel the bracelet in your hand, the bracelet belonged to Luke, not you. Now try and visualize in your mind Luke and the hospital and tell me what you see."

Noah did as he was told and tried to visualize the picture. "I can see Luke," He said as the scene formed in front of him. "He's…he's sleeping in a hospital bed, and I'm holding his hand."

"Very good," Dr Webber encouraged. "Now while you are holding his hand, are you talking to him or just watching him sleep?"

"I…I think I'm talking to him," Noah volunteered as he focused. "I'm worried about him."

"Very good Noah. Keep your mind focused on Luke and being worried about him and see what else you can bring to the forefront of your mind."

"He fainted…he was sitting down in a chair in the waiting room and I handed him something. Water, it was water and he dropped it…actually no wait." He concentrated harder trying to get the picture just right. "He didn't drop it, it dropped he touched it but didn't grab it and that's when he fainted."

"Excellent work Noah. Now then, can you push just a little further and see if you can see what caused Luke to come to be in the hospital in the first place."

Noah nodded and once again tried to focus. "Okay, we were in the waiting room, Luke had gotten dizzy…he almost fell, and I sat him down." The picture was so vivid in his mind and he tried to watch the scene play out…looking for clues, trying to recall what was going on. "Someone had said something to him…his dad, I think. We were talking to his dad…his dad was explaining…" He paused for a moment as the memory rushed at him like a wave. It hit him full force and he jumped as if he had been smacked.

"We were there because of his grandma," Noah said excited. "That's it right? Lucinda was in the hospital, and we came home…we weren't in Oakdale and we had just gotten off a plane. And Luke wanted to go directly to the hospital because his grandma was sick and he was worried about her. And then he ended up getting sick himself."

"Excellent job Noah. You are absolutely correct. Now then open your eyes and relax for a few minutes."

Noah opened his eyes and smiled at the kind doctor. He liked Dr. Webber. She was always encouraging, and never impatient with him. He appreciated that, and it made it easier for him to talk about things if he needed to. "Luke's grandma," He said as he relaxed, "Is still receiving chemotherapy treatments. I visit with her sometimes after I leave here. I know she is very important to Luke."

"That is wonderful Noah," Dr. Webber smiled. She was pleased with Noah's progress. "I am sure she has become special to you as well."

"Yeah," Noah admitted. "She is."

"Alright, now time for the next one. Here you go," she said holding up the next object. "Any idea what this is and how it might play into your memories?"

Once again Noah focused on what Dr. Webber was holding. "IT looks like a tie," he said reaching forward to take the article from her. "It is a tie…it has a soda stain on it."

"Good job. Now relax and close your eyes and tell me what you see about this tie, who does it belong to? Is the soda stain important? You can do this Noah just relax."

He leaned back and closed his eyes, the tie grasped tightly in his hand. He tried to visualize it in his head; he could see it, around a neck…Luke's? Yes that was it…this was Luke's tie. "It belongs to Luke," he said smiling softly. "This is Luke's tie. It even smells like him."

"Excellent Noah. Now drift a little further and see if you can find out why Luke was wearing this tie or for what occasion he might have had it on."

He allowed his mind to drift, getting lost in the memory of that tie. He could see Luke clearly, standing in a room…with something in his hands. "I see Luke standing in what looks like a kitchen and he's grinning. He has something in his hand and there's a glint in his eyes. "He's wearing the tie…it's loosened around his neck." Noah laughed. "He was spraying fizzy water1"

"Wonderful. Noah. Keep going. What else can you tell me about this tie, and what Luke was doing?"

"Okay," Noah said trying to go backwards…he wanted to recall why Luke was dressed u p in a tie. It didn't seem to him that Luke liked wearing ties, but the one he held in his hand was definitely Luke's. "He was getting us something to drink…we were just coming back from somewhere." He concentrated again; trying to go backwards in his mind like Dr. Webber had showed him. "I see us standing…it looks like an altar. Luke's wearing the tie, and he's smiling…actually he's beaming at me, and his lips are moving."

"Keep going Noah you are doing great. Can you picture what he is saying?"

Noah concentrated, focusing all his attention on Luke's lips, wanting to see what he was saying. He watched as Luke's mouth formed the words "I love you, Noah" and the memories filled him again, this time with such joy that it was overwhelming. "This was our wedding…Luke's saying his vows."

"Okay, Noah, relax now and open your eyes," Dr. Webber instructed. "Very good, you have done a great job today. Anything else you want to relay about those two memories."

Noah opened his eyes and thought about what she was asking. "I do have a question. All the memories I have been having have been centered around Luke. I still don't remember my father…or anyone else really. Is that okay?"

"That is fine Noah, I am sure your memories of your father and other things will come in time. I believe that the reason you are remembering a great deal of things that center around Luke is because of your feelings for him. You want to regain those and you are working and pushing hard to get those back. The others will come."

"So I'm done for the day?"

"Yes, dear. We are finished for the day. So what are your big plans for the rest of the day?"

"Well, I'm going to go see Luke's grandma…I'm not sure what else I will do though. Do you have any more exercises for me to try or anything suggestions for what I should do?"

"That sounds like a great idea, I'm sure she would appreciate the company. As for exercises I have given you all that I have, and for suggestions, we'll just keep doing what you are doing. You don't have to be here with me to do the same thing we do. Close your eyes and relax your mind."

"Well I tried that this morning. I still can't remember when that picture was taken. Of course, I guess it would help if I could stop staring at a certain pair of brown eyes."

"It's ok Noah. Those brown eyes are very important to you and getting lost in them is ok. Try other things too. Have Luke give you things that are important and tell him about them like you do here with me. I am certain he will be more than willing to do that with you." 

"Thanks Doctor, I'll make sure I ask him."

"Have a good afternoon, Noah. I'll see you next time."

It never ceased to amaze him that the smile he saw cross her lips was for him. Every week he came to see her now. After his sessions he would sit by her bedside and talk to her for hours. Sometimes she just listened to him, as he talked about what was going on in his world. Other times he would ask her questions, and she would answer to the best of her knowledge. She never grew impatient with him, and he felt like he was creating a bond with her, unlike any he had formed with any human being…at least not to his recollection.

These were special times for him, because this was someone who was special to Luke. And in his own way, he felt that sitting with her brought him closer to the husband he wanted to love. He never told Luke of these visits. It was his time with Luke's grandma, and he felt they were special to just them. The smile that alighted her lips every time he saw her, told him that she felt the same way.

"How are you doing this afternoon, my darling?" she asked as he took his customary seat by her bedside. Did you have a good appointment today?"

"My appointment went well. I ended up talking about Luke again. How are you?"

"I'm doing fine, Darling, thank you for asking. I feel a little tired, but seeing you is always a highlight. A highlight indeed so let's not spend our time together talking about me. Let's talk about that grandson we both love so much. How is he doing?"

"He still seems really sad," Noah admitted as he looked down at his hands. "I don't know what to do about that though. He isn't talking to me."

"I'm sure that's not completely true," Lucinda insisted. "I can't imagine my grandson not talking to you at all."

"Well we do talk," Noah amended as he looked at her. "He's just so sad about his parents. The divorce is really getting him down."

"Yes, I bet it has," Lucinda nodded. "I really wish I was out of this hospital so I could help him," she frowned. "But that doesn't seem to be happening any time soon"

"No sad thoughts, remember," Noah said reaching for her hand. "We're supposed to be talking about Luke. "Tell me about his parents?"

"His parents have had a very tumultuous history, Darling. "Very tumultuous and our poor by has lived through most of it. Each time they would split they would find their way back to each other eventually."

"Do you see that happening this time?" Noah asked curiously. "Luke is completely devastated, and I hate it because I can't really comfort him right now…not like I wish I could."

"I fear that my dear grandson feels abandoned this time, Noah. He feels abandoned and alone and he just doesn't know how to deal with it all. I have had many a conversation with him about it over the past few weeks."

"He doesn't feel abandoned by me does he?" Noah asked worried. "I mean he told me that I was out of it for two months…did he think I had left him, and does he still think so?"

Lucinda reached out to touch Noah's cheek and shook her head. "Not at all darling; not even close. You my dear have never abandoned my grandson. You simply had an accident and were taken away from him for some time, but he still had you here." She placed a hand on Noah's heart, leaving it there for a moment to emphasize her point. "Luke never left your bedside the entire time you were unconscious, Darling. He loves you. His mother on the other hand, I fear has done too much damage this time with her actions."

"He does seem very angry with her," Noah mused.

"I don't think anger is the right term for what he feels this time Darling," Lucinda said seriously. "Luke has been angry at his mother before. He has been furious…furious with her on occasion, especially after he first came out to her. But this, this is that proverbial straw that breaks the camel's back so to speak. But this time, darling, Luke is crushed. He is crushed and just devastated at the state of his parents' relationship. His mother has left the family before, but she always came back. She always chose them…even though Luke would be without her a lot, he always got her back. But this time..."

"He can't forgive her this time," Noah said finishing up Lucinda's thought. "He mentioned something like that to me. He said she never came to the hospital while I was in a come. He sounded so upset that day when he yelled at her." Noah sighed. ""She hasn't chosen Luke in months…that's the problem right?"

"Yes Darling, I am afraid Luke is taking this one very personally. He feels betrayed by Lily's actions and I cannot say that I blame him. She has caused that child so much pain…it was bound to come to a head eventually. It's just unfortunate that it happened at the same time that Luke needed her most. It is not an easy thing, Noah to admit when your child has done something wrong…but I have seen Lily do some crazy things in my time. This has to be the worst though and I think Luke is only coping because he has you in his life."

"Me?" Noah said surprised.

"Don't sound so shocked, darling. My grandson loves you. As I already mentioned he barely left your bedside…he didn't even want to sleep on a cot. Of course I made him do that."

Noah smiled. "Thank you for taking such good care of him, while I was out of it," he said appreciatively. "I am glad he had someone looking out for him."

"No need to thank me for that, Darling. I will always take care of my boy. And you will take care of him too, am I right?"

"I would if he would let me," Noah admitted, ducking his head bashfully.

"Why what do you mean? Are you and my grandson not getting closer?"

"Well we are on some levels," Noah explained. ""but not on others I'm afraid. I think in some ways Luke doesn't love me like he used to."

"Oh Noah," Lucinda said adjusting herself in her bed so that she could look into those sad blue eyes. "I think you are wrong on that one darling. I have heard him talk about you. You are the center of his world. The center, I don't doubt that for a minute. "

"Then I must be doing something wrong," Noah said softly. "Because, I can't seem to get Luke to trust me completely. He sleeps on the couch, and he cries…I know he does. I can hear him, and part of me aches to go to him, and hold him but I don't know if he wants me there. Sometimes I sense that he does but other times it's hard to read him. It's like he is cutting himself off from me, even as he opens himself up and I don't know what to do to win him over completely. I don't know how to do it. And that makes me sad."

There were tears in his eyes, and he didn't bother to remove them. He needed to explain to someone who would understand just what he was feeling. "I love him so much. I find new things to love about him every day…and I know it's really only been four weeks since I woke up, but the connection that was there from the moment I opened my eyes has only continued to get stronger. I…I know I screwed up really bad…I just wish I knew how to get past it."

"Just keep doing what you are doing, darling," Lucinda said touching his cheek once more. "Keep strong, and don't give u p. If you think Luke needs you, go to him. Just keep showering him with love Darling. All the love you can possibly give."

"I don't know if that will work."

"It will, it will," Lucinda assured him. "I want you to do something for me darling. I want you to go home and do something special for your husband. Let your heart lead the way. It will not steer you wrong. Will you do that for me?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Good, good. And I will see you next time."

"So how are you doing?" James asked as Luke took a seat. "You must have something on your mind if you wanted to see me on a Wednesday."

"I don't know, James. I think that's the only honest answer I can give you right now because I feel like I'm right back where I started."

"Well that doesn't sound good," James said thoughtfully. "How about you try and explain to me why you feel that way? You have made tremendous progress Luke."

"Have I, really?" Luke asked exasperated. "I mean finally telling the police what Randy did helped, but I don't know I just…" he shook his head and pursed his lips as he tried to figure out what he was trying to say. "Noah and I…we love each other, that becomes more apparent to me every day but I just can't get past this…this chasm and I'm right back where I was on November 22nd, except that Noah knows the story and…somewhere along the line I fell into a well of confusion and I can't get out."

"Okay, Luke I see where you are coming from. You had hoped that when you went to the police about Randy, everything else would just shift back into place and that hasn't happened. And now you are frustrated and discouraged," James frowned. "Is the confusion you are feeling about your relationship with Noah or something else entirely?"

"That's some of it," Luke admitted.

"Come on now, Luke," James coaxed. "We've been at this long enough for you to know I am not going to judge you for anything that you say here. Tell me what's on your mind so that I can give you the tools to get through it."

"I'm scared, James," he admitted after a lengthy silence. "When it all boils down to one simple thing…the fact is that I'm scared. I don't know what's going to happen now or next. I have no idea if Randy is going to stay in Jail or somehow someway he will get off on a technicality. I have this news that I need to share with Noah but I have no idea how to tell him, or how he'll react. And I can't let this thing with my parents go. It just…hurts so much, and I shouldn't be effected by her actions…I just shouldn't be."

"Luke we are all affected by the actions of others. What you are dealing with in the case of your parents is a personal affront to you. You needed your mother to be there and she wasn't," James explained, "then she wants to waltz in and act like everything is ok. Your anger at her is very reasonable and no matter what you think her actions will hurt."

Luke was silent as he listened to James' words. He knew the parental issue was something his friend was dealing with on some level, but he also knew James wouldn't talk about it. It was just nice, to Luke, to have someone who could understand why he felt this way.

"You have every right to be worried about what will happen with Randy," James continued, "but at this point there is nothing you can do, so try not to let that become the focus of your life again. As far as what you need to share with Noah, he's pretty strong now Luke, I think he can handle whatever it is you need to tell him. Give him the chance to be the one you lean on for support through this. I know for a fact he is more than willing to do whatever you need him to do."

"You make it sound so simple, James. I wish it were that easy."

"No one ever said this was going to be easy, Luke. I don't think it's easy for you. I think every day is a challenge and you are working through the things that you have to do to be able to move on with your life. Have you talked to your dad about your anger at your mom?"

"No."

"Okay," James replied. "Always know, no matter what, whatever you say in this room is between you and me and goes no further. So if you feel like you need to just say whatever it is that is causing you this uncertainty, then let it out. Don't keep it bottled up inside."

"Thanks for the offer, James, I really do appreciate it. "Thank you for being such a good friend. You and Maddie have been Godsends, especially over the last few weeks."

"How was work today?" James inquired. "You said you were still a bit uncomfortable even though Randy's not there now. Has that changed?"

"It's weird. It's just not right being there without Noah…and I don't know Randy might be gone but it's still the last memory I have there. So it overshadows everything else, including the moments I had with Noah."

"Then maybe what you need to do is take Noah with you," James suggested. "WOAK is a part of his history too. Maybe it will help spark some memories for him, if you take him to where you guys worked. Plus…perhaps it could go a long way in making you feel better, if Noah's right there with you."

"I never thought of it that way," Luke admitted softly.

"Even though I am certain Noah doesn't mind sitting around pining for you." Luke laughed. "I think it will help Noah recover, and that in effect will help you as well and together you'll be able to move past this."

"Do you have any other words of wisdom wise one?" Luke asked.

"Well, I have plenty of words of wisdom," James said his expression thoughtful. "But if I give you too many at once then you won't need me anymore, and I would miss our visits together."

Luke smiled. "I don't think you need to worry about that. I'd miss these visits too."

James smiled and they were silent for a moment before James answered Luke's question. "Seriously, though, you are making good progress and if you just open up a little bit with Noah, I think you will see some of the confusion clear up."

Luke nodded. "It's his birthday."

"Today is Noah's birthday?" James asked. "Then what the heck are you still doing here. Go home and do something special for the evening. Show him that no matter what is going on in your head, he is still important to you."

"Okay, Okay," Luke laughed. "I have to visit my Grandma and then I will go home. And I'll see you in class tomorrow."

"Just think about what I said, Luke." James reminded. "And tell Noah Happy birthday for me."

He smiled when he saw her, sitting in her bed with her reading glasses on, looking at the latest issue of the City Times. She knew the moment he stepped into her room for she looked up, set the paper aside and took off her glasses before opening her arms for him.

No words were needed as Luke fell into his grandmother's embrace. She was another on the short list of people who had helped anchor him while Noah was in a coma. She was one of the few he could talk to and she always told it to him straight. He loved this woman, and there was no doubt in his mind that she loved him back.

"So today is the dear boy's birthday," Lucinda marveled, and Luke could almost see the wheels turning in her mind. "Well I could let you have use of the Jet again. You can take Noah away for a few days. Go somewhere warm."

"I don't think that's the best idea, Grandma," Luke replied. "It's a nice thought though. Noah has his memory sessions to go to though, and I have to work. He's doing well with his memory recovery…I wouldn't want to interrupt that."

"I know," Lucinda said a smile crossing her lips.

"You've talked to Noah?" he asked genuinely surprised.

"Well, he has been coming by here every day after his therapy sessions. And we have had some wonderful chats."

"Is that right?" Luke asked impressed. "Well I hope you weren't talking about me."

"Well, Darling, what else would we talk about? He doesn't remember me at all." Luke smiled and ducked his head. "Now that is much better." Lucinda declared. "I like seeing a smile on your face."

"I love you, Grandma."

"Baby, Ii love you too," Lucinda placed a hand on his cheek. "We have been through so much. "You just keep hanging on to that young man and it will all be ok. He is falling in love with you all over again. I can see it in his eyes and in the things he says when he talks about you. "

"Yeah," Luke said feigning surprise. "Well I'm falling for him too. And at the same time, I just want him back…you know? But it's complicated I guess."

"Darling, life is complicated, but you keep pushing ahead and taking everything one day at a time," Lucinda advised. "I truly believe he will get his memory back, but even if he doesn't, the fact that you are both falling in love all over again should tell you that you are meant to be together. You are meant to be."

"I know he's my happy ending, Grandma." Luke said his smile widening.

"That's good. That's good, you just keep telling yourself that, and it will help you through these troublesome times. I think you are his happy ending as well. His eyes just light up whenever he mentions your name."

Luke's smile disappeared and he took a seat beside his grandmother. "I just don't want to make a mess of things like Mom and Dad did. It was painful, having to be without Noah for those five weeks he was in the coma. And it's painful now being apart from him and not touching him or holding him…and I want to get across that barrier. The hardest thing ever would be if I lost him completely. I don't think I could take that."

"Ah, Darling, you are much stronger than you think," Lucinda squeezed his hand. "You have gone through so much in the past four months. So much, and I think that you are so very brave to have dealt with it all by yourself. You don't have to do that anymore though; your young man is here. He is here and he is awake, and he wants to be there for you. Why are you holding yourself back from him?"

"Grandma…"

"Don't grandma me," Lucinda reprimanded. "I can see in your eyes that you want to hold him, and touch him. He wants the same with you. Let go of the hurt and the fear, Darling. Put your faith and trust back in Noah. Start small and work your way up if that's what you need to do. But you need to find your way back to the happy young man I know and love."

"He's right here, in front of you, Darling. And so is Noah. He's begging you to find him. He just wants to make you happy." Her hand caressed her grandson's cheek for a moment, her expression serious. "He told me you are sleeping on the couch…why is that?"

Luke opened his mouth to speak but he didn't know how to respond to that. He frowned and started to focus on the nonexistent creases in his grandmother's blanket. "It's better that way."

"Better for whom, darling? You or Noah?"

"Grandma, that's not fair."

"Darling what you are doing to that boy is not fair," Lucinda retorted. "He needs to know that you are still trying. I am certainly not going to tell you how to live your life; however unless you have a very good reason for not doing so, I say get yourself back into your bedroom where you belong. You don't have to tell me about your sex life, because darling that is really more than a grandmother wants to know. But even if you are only sleeping in the same bed, it is likely to be comforting for both of you."

"This from the woman who told Noah to behave before she even met him," Luke said an amused smile touching his lips. He sighed. "I don't know why I am still sleeping on the couch. I mean I can think of many excuses why that is the best idea…one being that Noah doesn't remember being my husband. But that one seems null and void, all things considered. And I know that we both sleep better together. Ah, Grandma I'm terrible aren't I?"

"Not terrible, Darling, not at all. I think you just needed some help seeing what you need to do.

"Yeah…thanks grandma."

"You're welcome. Now give me a hug and get home to that lovely young man before I decide to steal him for myself."

Luke laughed as he wrapped his arms around her, and kissed her cheek. "He's mine grandma. All mine."

"Well then you best make sure you let him know that."

"Noah," He called as he closed the door, balancing the box in one hand.

"I'm in the kitchen," Noah called back. Luke smiled, and carried the box into the dining room where he set it on the table. The pleasant smell of garlic met his nose as he entered the kitchen and he took a moment to admire Noah who was standing by the stove.

His husband was stirring sauce in a pot, and he had an apron wrapped around his trim waist. The sight reminded Luke of their first anniversary. That day four months ago had been one of the best days of his life for many reasons.

"Hey, come taste this," Noah said pulling Luke out of his thoughts. He was facing Luke now with the spoon in his hand, those blue eyes a deep sultry sapphire. "I want you to tell me if I used enough garlic."

Luke walked over to Noah slowly, their eyes locked in an intense gaze. He took the spoon from Noah and placed it back in the pot

"What…what are you doing," he asked as Luke pulled him into his arms. "Luke, don't do this," he said his voice growing soft."

"Don't do what," Luke asked looking up at him. "Kiss you?"

"Don't hold me or…did you say kiss me? " Luke grinned.

"Yes, as a matter of fact I did?"

"Oh well, if that's what you want," Noah stammered, "far be it from me to stop you."

"Do you…want to kiss me, Noah?"

"OF course I do," Noah said wrapping his arms around Luke. "More than almost anything in this world. I just don't' want you to regret it or you know…get upset."

Luke cupped Noah's face with his hands, his thumbs caressing his cheeks softly. "You do understand why I was upset right?"

"Yeah, I understand, and believe me, Luke I will never ever do that again."

"I believe you, Noah."

"I've…I've missed your touch," Noah admitted. I think even when I was in the hospital, I could feel your touch, and Luke I miss it so much."

"How can you miss something you don't remember?" Luke asked his voice soft and sad."

"I do remember," Noah explained. "I…I don't recall us completely just yet, but I know there is a reason for this connection we have. I know that is partly because you held my hand, even when I couldn't respond. My mind may not remember falling in love with you Luke, but my body never forgot."

There were tears in Luke's eyes as he pulled Noah's forehead down to meet his. "I miss you too, Noah."

"I don't want us to be apart Luke. Please…what can I do?"

Their lips met and Luke was certain he felt Noah shudder, or maybe that was him. He had missed this, the sweet tender dance of their lips as they reacquainted themselves with each other.

It was over all too quickly, but Luke felt warm inside as he watched Noah turn around to concentrate on the sauce before it burned. 'You know, I really should be cooking for you tonight," He said leaning against the counter.

"I don't mind," Noah said, offering the spoon once more for him to taste the sauce.

"Mmmmmm," Luke said, taking the spoon from Noah so he could lick it. "That's just the right amount of garlic."

"You are so bad," Noah said taking the spoon away from him. He cleaned it off before putting it back in the sauce and turned down the burner before turning back to Luke.

Luke smiled. "If you insist, I will let you finish with dinner, but I have a surprise for you. Today's a special day."

"Why is that," Noah asked, pulling Luke close yet again. The fact that Luke didn't pull away made his heart sing.

"You'll see," Luke said giving him a soft kiss before slipping away from him completely. Noah smiled and turned back to the food. It was shaping up to be a wonderful night.

"Can I open my eyes yet?

"Just a minute," Luke said as he struck a match to light the candles.

"You just struck a match," Noah said a smile playing on his lips. "Are you trying to set something on fire?"

"No," Luke laughed. "it's just that today not only marks six months since the day we first officially started dating," he placed the cake down in front of Noah and told him to open his eyes. "It's also your nineteenth birthday, and I wanted to do something special for you."

Noah opened his eyes and felt his heart swell with something that could only be love. The cake was decorated with blues and green and before he could express his appreciation to Luke tears sprung to his eyes.

"Oh, Noah what's wrong," Luke exclaimed reaching out to wipe the wetness away."

"I…I think this is the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me," he tried to explain. I don't think I've ever had anyone really care about my birthday before."

Luke pulled him into a comforting hug and ran his hands through his hair for a moment. "Dry your tears," he soothed as he pulled back. "It's time to blow out the candles and make a wish."

Noah nodded and wiped away the remaining moisture. HE focused on the candles and closed his eyes, taking a deep breath before he blew them all out.

"I hope your wish comes true," Luke said taking a hold of his hand."

"Me too," Noah whispered, squeezing Luke's hand as he leaned in for another tender kiss. "Now where is the knife so we can test out this cake?"

On Luke's insistence Noah only cut one piece of cake, and they shared it. Luke fed Noah, and Noah fed him. It was incredible just how comfortable they were sitting at the table just like old times. Noah almost didn't want the moment to end. He dreaded having to go into the bedroom all by himself. That was his wish; that Luke would want to be close to him again, even if they didn't have sex….he just wanted to be able to hold Luke like he had when Luke had the nightmares.

They shared a second piece of cake and curled up on the couch to watch a movie of Noah's choice. Luke's head rested on Noah's shoulder during the entire film, but to Noah's surprise and glee Luke managed to keep his eyes open for the entire picture.

"Are you enjoying your day?" Luke asked sleepily

"Yes, very much," Noah said smiling. "Thank you for this…for everything."

"Are you ready for bed?"

"If you're sleepy I can turn in," Noah said ready to give Luke his space.

"No," Luke said grabbing a hold of Noah's arm. He was sitting up straight now and Noah looked deeply into those dark eyes, trying to read the message hidden there. "Are you ready for bed?"

Noah nodded. That intense gaze was preventing him from doing anything else.

Luke stood and pulled Noah up with him. Noah's heartbeat quickened as they neared the bedroom. He didn't know what to expect.

"Luke, you don't have to," Noah started before Luke placed a finger on his lips.

"I have to get over my fear, Noah, and I can't stand being apart from you. I don't think I'm ready…for everything just yet but there's nothing wrong with being held."

Silently they prepared for bed and it wasn't lost on either of them just how significant this moment was. Luke slipped into Noah's arms and immediately felt at home as Noah enclosed him in the embrace. He upturned his head even as Noah looked down and their lips completed the connection both had been craving.

Six months ago neither of them could have imagined the trials they would have to face as they strove to be together.

Four months ago they committed themselves to each other, completely unaware of the storm that awaited them.

A month ago they were two souls; one broken and one lost…yet connected through the strongest of bonds.

Now the lost soul was found, and the broken one was healing. They were together…and no matter what life had in store for them next…that was what mattered.

"Happy birthday, Noah," Luke whispered as he drifted off into sleep. Noah didn't say a word. He pulled Luke closer and drifted asleep.

His wish had come true.


	27. Chapter 27

He was putting files in the filing cabinet when he heard the door open. "Hey, Noah, he said without turning around. Can you hand me the folders on that table please?" He continued to concentrate on what he was doing,. He had spent most of the day reorganizing the files for Katie, and he was just about finished. "Noah are you going to bring?" he started as he turned around. A tall man was standing in front of him, with the proffered folders in his hand, and a smug grin on his face. Luke's blood went completely cold.

"Are you going to take the folders, Luke."

He took a deep breath and released it quickly, recovering from his shock. "What are you doing here," he snapped, snatching the folders and turning back to his project."

"I'm working, same as you."

"You're supposed to be in Jail."

"I'm out on bail, and innocent until proven guilty. Which I might add, Luke, you can't prove."

He slammed the drawer hard and turned to face those cold icy eyes. "You stay away from me."

"But do you want to know who bailed me out? I figured the news would interest you."

"Why would I care?" Luke asked as he brushed past him and went to the table for more folders.

"She was very happy to do it, after I told her how much her son hurt me and my feelings with his accusations."

Luke froze in his spot and closed his eyes. He wanted to block out that voice, but fate wasn't on his side today.

"I see you know who I'm talking about. Such a classy lady, and so nice. I love that she's my boss, and that she believes I am innocent."

The folders fell to the floor and Luke ran, not really looking where he was going, he ran and hit a brick wall. He tried to press against it but it wouldn't budge and then arms wrapped around him and he tried harder to get out of it.

"Hey, stop fighting me and tell me what's wrong." A different voice from the one he was running from. It calmed him a little but he still wanted out of the embrace.

"I want to go ask her how she could do this to me. Let me go, let me go find out how she could betray me like this just let me…"

"Shhhhhh," Noah's soothing voice was a balm as those arms tightened protectively around him. he struggled again, but Noah wasn't moving, and finally he collapsed against the body, spent from the exertion and his tears just started to fall.

He was emotionally spent, and all he really wanted to do was go home…but he couldn't. Noah had held him while he cried, until the well dried up and then he continued to hold him for as long as he could. Now he sat at a table, with his head buried in his arms as he tried not to cry again. he could hear voices above him, Randy's and Noah''s. He drifted in and out of consciousness as he listened to them. Noah asked Randy what he thought he was doing. Randy smugly responded he was working. Noah charged what did you say to Luke. And Randy's response…just told him the truth. He thought he heard Noah call Randy a bastard and tell him to leave. Then a female voice joined in and Luke buried his face deeper into his arms. He just wanted to curl up and die.

"Can you get him out of here, please," Noah said pointing at Randy, his eyes pleading with Maddie to just do it.

Maddie sighed and walked over to Randy, pulling him by his jacket sleeve. "One word rout of you Thompson and I swear I'll hurt you," she threatened as they left the room. Noah sighed and turned is attention to Luke who appeared to be dozing. He wasn't even sure exactly what had happened, but he had a good idea that it involved Luke's mom.

He wanted to help, but he wasn't sure how. He knew that probably seemed pathetic…he didn't know how to help his own husband, but he wanted to…badly. He pulled his phone out of his picket and looked for James' number. He figured that their friend would know what to do.

He waited, three rings…four before James picked up the phone and Noah started pacing the floor. "James I don't know what to do?"

"Noah? What's wrong? Where are you?"

"At WOAK with Luke. He's not doing so well."

"What Happened? I thought he was doing fine at the office?"

"He was…earlier," Noah said sadly.

"Noah, what happened?"

"Randy was here."

"What?" James exclaimed. "They let the bastard out of jail.?"

"Um, I think Luke's mom may have posted the bail."

"Tell me you're kidding me, Noah."

"I wish I was, but Luke just looks so broken…please James can you come. I know you are busy today but I want to help but I am not sure how to reach him."

"I'll be right there. Just stay with him and hug him Noah…let him know you're there, it's all you can do."

"Okay, thanks' James." He closed his phone and placed it on the table, his eyes focusing on Luke once more. Without a word he took a seat and pulled Luke into his arms. Luke's arms wound Noah's neck and his head rested on his shoulder, and Noah just held him, hoping that in some way he was offering some comfort.

Noah was still holding Luke when he heard the door open. James slipped inside and Noah smiled at him gratefully. Someone had to help Luke out of this funk.

"Has he said anything?"

"No," Noah said as he stroked Luke's hair. "I can hear him breathing…but truthfully I am not sure if he is awake or sleeping…he's just here."

James frowned and took a seat across from Noah and Luke. "What happened?"

"I'm not sure," Noah admitted. "I came in on Randy saying something about someone and all of a sudden Luke drops his files and barrels right into me."

"He didn't see you?" James asked curiously.

"No…I think he thought I was a wall or something because he just started shoving and pushing against me. I asked Randy what he said to him, and he said he just told Luke the truth whatever that means."

"You said something about his mom?"

"Well, Randy mentioned his boss…and I know that Luke's mom co-owns the station, so that was just an educated guess I just wish I could get him to respond to me right now."

"Kiss him."

"What?" Noah asked, James suggestion catching him off guard. "How will that help right now?"

James smiled. Luke is stuck in that space between conscious thought and unconsciousness. He's not hearing anything we say right now because he doesn't want to. He's numb and you just need to bring him back, so kiss him."

For a moment he just stared at James in awe. There was no humor in those green eyes, just genuine concern and seriousness. His friend nodded encoueragingly, and Noah turned his attention to Luke. He shifted so that he could cup Luke's face in his hands and allowed their lips to touch.

His kiss was soft, gentle and firm at the same time. Mere seconds passed before he felt the pressure of Luke's lips kissing him back, and for a moment they lost themselves in each other.

The sound of the door startled them and they jumped apart, their heads moving almost simultaneously to the door where James was standing, a wide grin on his face.

"UH, hi," Luke said biting his lip.

"Glad to see you're feeling better?" James said returning to his seat across from them. "I figured the kiss would wake you up. Dare I ask what put you in such a state?"

Luke opened his mouth to speak but couldn't find the words. He looked at Noah and raised an eyebrow.

"I didn't know what else to do," Noah explained. "You were so still, and I was so worried and the first thing I thought to do was call James. You aren't mad are you?"

"No, I'm not mad," Luke said placing a hand on his cheek. "Just a little embarrassed I guess. I know you were busy today James…I'm sorry."

"Enough of that," James said waving his hand dismissively. "I certainly don't mind…it gives me an excuse to see Maddie." He winked and was satisfied when both boys laughed. "Now can you tell me…tell us," He said looking at Noah, "what happened?"

Luke sighed and once again looked toward the door. "I was working on the files for Katie and I heard the door open. I thought it was you," He said turning to Noah. "I asked if you could hand me the folders on the desk…but I never got an answer. So when I turned around to see what was going on Randy was here, standing right in front of me with the folders. We exchanged words and I asked him what he was doing here. He's…he's out on bail."

"But that isn't what upset you," James coaxed gently. "What upset you was the identity of who bailed him out right?"

Neither James nor Noah missed the sadness and betrayal that clouded Luke's gaze. They exchanged a look before focusing on Luke again, waiting for him to answer the question. Without a word Noah took his hand and gave it a squeeze, encouraging him to just say it.

"Luke, we can't help unless you talk to us." James reasoned softly.

"I told him I didn't care who bailed him out…I didn't' want to know," Luke insisted. "But he started in on how I should want to know because she's a classy lady and a great…boss," his voice cracked and Noah wasn't sure if he was about to cry of if he was getting angry. "And she believes him." Luke laughed a bitter laugh as he looked from James to Noah and back to James. "She believes him over me, her own flesh and blood…and she believes him."

"Luke," James called for his attention. Luke turned and locked gazes with the intense green eyes before him. "Go ahead and say it."

"Is it too much to ask," Luke said his voice trembling, "for her to choose me just once in a while"? Is there something wrong with me that she keeps…" he closed his eyes and took a deep breath, his hand squeezing Noah's tightly, his gaze still locked on James. "Is it too much to ask that for once she thought about me and what I want and what I need. Is it too much to want her to be there for me when I need her? Is it selfish of me to want my mom, my own mother to believe me? Is that too much to ask? Is it?"

Silence followed Luke's outburst and James watched as Noah pulled Luke into a hug, and held him tight. Blue eyes met green and James frowned, realizing that his question was mirrored in Noah's gaze. He didn't know what they were going to do…at the moment there wasn't much that could be done except be there for Luke. And that, James mused was going to be the easy part.

"You should take him home," James suggested as he and Noah watched Luke work sometime later. "I know he's determined to get through the work day but look him. He's emotionally drained, and he looks sluggish. We don't want him to end up in the emergency room."

"Yeah," Noah said even as he moved out of the chair just in time to catch a dizzy Luke. "Okay, James is right; it's time for you to go home."

"I'm fine," Luke said stubbornly. "I have to get this done and I am not letting Randy chase me out of here."

"He's not," James pointed out. "You're being forced out, big difference. Now gow home, and get some rest…you have a lot to think about. The trial is in a month right?"

"Yeah," Luke said sighing. He knew when he was outnumbered. "I don't remember want to think about it though."

"You have to.," James replied. "You need to be ready for the defense…they are going to try to discredit you, Luke."

"You guys are on my side, right?"

Yes, of course," James asserted even as Noah wrapped his arms around Luke and kissed his neck. "We're in your corner, as is Maddie, your dad…you have a lot of people in your corner Luke, don't' don't doubt that."

Luke nodded and begrudgingly agreed that he probably did need to go home. They left the office together, Luke and Noah in the forefront holding hands, and James right behind them. Luke was considerably calmer as they neared the exit, until his eyes spied a lone figure just ahead. He let go of Noah's hand and walked stealthily towards the figure Noah and James followed belong, and as they grew closer Noah realized what was going on.

"Hello, sweetheart," Lily said when her son placed a hand on her shoulder.

"That's Luke's mom," Noah whispered to James who nodded with understanding.

Luke was glaring at his mom, and James marveled that if looks could kill, Mrs. Snyder would have been toast. "How could you?" he asked, trying hard to keep his voice from quivering. "How could you do this to me?"

Before his mother could ask what he was talking about, Luke stormed off and James followed quickly behind him. Noah chanced a sad, disapproving look at Luke's mom before he too disappeared out of sight.

"Here, drink this," Noah said pressing the tall glass into his husband's hands. Luke took a sip of the cool liquid as Noah sat beside him. They had been home now for almost an hour, and Luke insisted on sitting in stony silence. It wasn't really stony," Noah marveled as he watched him. Luke's body wasn't moving but his face…it was going through a mass of emotions, moving so fast that Noah could barely keep track. He didn't know how to reach Luke when he was like this. He was certain that he had known, but whatever connection he shared despite the memory loss, stopped short of conquering Luke's stubbornness.

"Is there anything I can do for you" Noah asked, feeling the need to speak. The silenced was usually nice, but right now it was just…cold. "I mean I know you're upset and you have every right to be…I can't believe your mom…Okay so you don't' want to talk about that," he said meeting Luke's glare head on. "What do you want to talk about then, Luke? You aren't being a very helpful conversationalist at the moment."

Luke took another sip from his glass and started tracing his finger along the top of the glass. He was still reeling from earlier, and he didn't want to take that out on Noah. His husband had enough to worry about without having to worry about him too. He took another sip of his drink and tried unsuccessfully to pull himself out of his foul mood. That was proving easier said than done. HE wasn't even certain what was upsetting him this time. Seeing Randy a whole month after confessing about what happened had shaken him a little but he was past that. He knew Randy couldn't hurt him anymore…but then again at the same time wasn't he? Wasn't he doing just that by using his mother?

And that was to say if he was using her. He didn't trust his mom; that was becoming more and more apparent with each day that past. He didn't know why he was so surprised by her actions. This was the same woman who decided that she needed to be with her boyfriend instead of at the hospital…that was water under the bridge now though wasn't it?

"I wish it didn't hurt so much."

The sentence hung in the air, caught in the tension that had spread across the room. Noah looked at Luke, watching to see if he would say more…wondering if he really wanted an answer or if he just needed someone to listen.

"What hurts, Luke?"

"Everything."

Another word; hanging still in midair, unleashing its overwhelming power. Who knew one word could say so much?

Noah took Luke's empty glass and headed for the kitchen, mumbling something about getting Luke more to drink. Luke watched him go, waiting for him to completely disappear before he lowered his face into his hands, his elbows resting on his knees. He really didn't know what he was doing anymore…he just wanted this nightmare to be over. He groaned as the sound of knocking met his ears. He really wasn't in the mood for company. He decided as he reached the door that he would tell whoever it was to go away...as politely as he could possibly manage at the moment.

"What do you want?" he said exasperated.

"I'm looking for my son, who you have been keeping from me for far too long now."

"You know what Colonel, they have these inventions…they are called phones, perhaps you have heard of them. They are very simple to use, and I'm sure you can afford one."

"Don't be flippant with me, boy," he said brushing past Luke and stomping into the apartment. "Noah," he yelled. "Get in here right now."

"You can't just come into my home and start yelling like you own the place," Luke raged. "I don't want to deal with you right now, so I suggest you leave."

"Luke why are you yelling," Noah said returning to the living room. "What do you want," he said when he laid eyes on the Colonel.

"I came to see you son." The Colonel said, turning to glare daggers at Luke.

"Well that's too bad, because I don't want to see you. And today is not a good day anyway. We're kinda in the middle of something."

"I'm not going to let you stay here with this liar," Noah."

"You know for all your talk of respect, you are being very disrespectful to me and Luke right now," Noah pointed out. I believe he asked you to leave. If I were you I'd honor his request."

The colonel laughed dismissively. "You don't know him like I do, son, you don't remember the things I remember. He doesn't want you, he's just using you to cover up his crimes."

"Shut up, Col," Luke fumed. Noah walked over to him and took his hand, intertwining their fingers as he faced his father head on. "You don't know what you're talking about."

"Let me stick up for you this time," Noah said squeezing his husband's hand. Luke was still angry, but Noah's touch as always relaxed him just enough. He still glared at Noah's dad but he was willing to let Noah handle it.

"Noah come on, be reasonable," The colonel intoned as he watched the exchange. "Why are you pretending to be committed to someone who doesn't care about you? He was unfaithful to you, and I am sure that it wasn't just once."

"That's enough," Noah yelled. "Stop talking about Luke like that."

"He's got you wrapped around his little finger. He may be fooling you, Noah but I know what I saw the night before Thanksgiving."

"Colonel stop," Luke spoke up, squeezing Noah's hand tightly. "You can't tell him…"

"Can't tell him what," The Colonel said smugly. "Can't mention that you were at that measly escuse for a television station, with that guy who is just like you. You two deserve each other, and I've talked to him. He told me all about your little affair and how now you are accusing him of sexual assault. Is that your way of covering your tracks boy? "

"GET OUT," Noah screamed loudly. "GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT and don't' ever show your face here again, you hear me. You leave me and Luke alone, and I mean that. I don't know you, and I don't want to know you. You are a despicable person and I hate you."

"You don't mean that, son. This boy…"

"This boy has a name," Noah raged. He IS Luke and he's my husband and I won't have you talking about him like that."

Luke's heart swelled with pride as he listened to Noah rail at his father. Noah could never know just how proud Luke was at the moment, for there were no words to describe it. "I think you heard the man," he said glaring at the Colonel. "You have no place here in our home. You should go."

"Son, you have to see reason," the colonel tried one more time.

"I'm not your son," Noah yelled in his face. "I don't know you from Adam and quite frankly I don't want to know you. I don't need to have my memory back to know what kind of man you are. You are the worst kind because you are a bigot. I'm happy, here with Luke and all you do is come around every so often and try to ruin that. Why would I want anything to do with someone like that?"

"HE's poisoning your mind against me. You're coming with me."

"GET YOUR HANDS OFF OF HIM," Even Noah jumped at the sound of Luke's voice as he swatted at the Colonel who had his hand on Noah's arm. "I told you before not to touch him again, and you keep doing it. YOU don't touch him."

"Who do you think you are, you deviant," The Colonel raged as he pushed Luke out of the way.

Luke hadn't been expecting it and he lost his balance, barely catching his fall as he fell to the ground.

"Okay that's it," Noah said grabbing a hold of the colonel and shoving him toward the door. "Luke already told you this, but maybe it will have more impact from me. "I don't want to see you. I don't even want to know you, and as far as I'm concerned you can forget you have a son, and I mean that"

"NO you don't this is all his fault."

"NO," Noah said as Luke came to stand beside him. He took a hold of Luke's hand and they stood united against the man who would be Noah's father'.

"This is all your fault. Luke is the only one, the only one who has loved me and wanted to take care of me ever since I woke up. He even gave me your phone number, I have it in my phone and he let me decide if I wanted to call you or not. He LET ME decide…he doesn't decide things for me. So believe me when I say that I want nothing to do with someone who can't accept me for who I am, and someone who comes into this home time and time again disrespecting it and the people who inhabit here. You forget you know this address…and forget you know my name. The Noah you knew is dead and from where I'm standing that's probably for the best because you couldn't have been good for him."

"Noah…" 

"Just leave, Colonel," Luke spoke up forcefully. "Or I'll call my cousin. I'm sure he'd be more than happy to haul you down to the station for trespassing."

The Colonel stepped out into the hallway and turned one more to face his son. "Do you miss me at all?"

Luke looked at Noah, and was taken aback by the pure hatred he saw in those eyes. It made him shudder even though he knew it wasn't for him. He turned back to the colonel who seemed to be grasping for a straw.

"Goodbye, Winston."

Noah pulled Luke backwards away from the door and he closed it in the Colonel's face. The clicking of the locks sounded so final and Noah felt lighter as if he had just lifted a huge weight off his shoulders. And Luke…he was very proud.

He wasn't sure how long they stood there before Noah pulled him into his arms. He was completely stunned by the scene that had just taken place and he knew he would be rerunning it in his mind countless times before he allowed it to sink in. Noah had stood up to his dad…the man he couldn't' even remember at the present moment. That was…that was huge.

"Thank you," Noah said holding him close, allowing their foreheads to touch, "For giving me the strength to do that."

Luke was speechless. He opened his mouth to speak, but ended up shaking his head instead. He didn't know what to say. He paced a hand on Noah's cheek, caressing it softly as he stared into those sapphire blue gems…the eyes he adored. "I love you," he whispered as their lips met in a tender embrace full of hope, pride and a lot of love.

"Hello?"

"Holden, it's Noah. Do you think you could come over?"

"Is something wrong son? Is Luke okay?" 

"Well…it's a long story, sir, and we need to figure out what to do about the trial and everything so, if you can come…Luke and I will provide dinner…"

"You don't need to butter me up, Noah. I'll be there in forty five minutes."

"Thanks sir."

"Dad, I'm so glad you're here," Luke said giving his father a hug before he was completely inside.

"Luke," Holden said holding his son close for a moment. "Noah called," he explained when Luke pulled out of the hug, allowing him to enter the apartment. "He said you guys needed to talk to me about the trial."

"Yeah, we need to discuss that,' Luke said running a hand through his hair.

"Why am I getting the feeling that there is more going on here than that?"

Luke frowned. "You should have a seat. Noah," Luke called into the bedroom. "Dad's here."

"Okay," Noah called back.

"I'm sorry Dad, it's been a very…stressful day, and the thing is it started off great, until we got to work." Luke explained as Noah came out the bedroom. He greeted Holden and offered him something to drink before disappearing to get drinks for everyone.

"Okay," Holden said trying to read his son's face. "I know you and Noah have gone back to working at WOAK, and I personally think that's a good thing. Getting on with your life is a big step in the right direction." Noah returned with the drinks and took a seat beside Luke. Holden sipped on his water before placing it on the table. "So what happened at work today that has you so upset?"

"You mean besides the fact that Randy was there?" Luke sighed. "I think I can handle that…but how he is there is what bothers me." Luke frowned and took a sip from his glass before setting it down.

"Randy was at the station?" Holden sounded just as baffled as Noah and Luke felt. "How on earth did that happen? His bail was set very high, there's no way that kid has that kind of money." He frowned as he looked at his sons' faces. Something was beginning to occur to him. "Wait a minute, you said how he came to be there is what's bothering you. " He was focused on Luke again, watching as he fidgeted uncomfortably. "I don't think I like where this is going, Luke. Tell me what's going on."

"Mrs. Snyder posted bail," Noah piped up when it was obvious Luke wasn't going to speak. "Randy very smugly told Luke that she posted his bail and she believes his story over Luke's." Holden and Noah were both surprised when Luke stood abruptly and stormed off to the bedroom, slamming the door behind him. "As you can see, he's not taking it very well."

"Of all the stupid," Holden said looking toward the closed bedroom door, "inconsiderate things Lily has done in the past that hurt me, I never imagined that she would do something like this to her own son. My God, Noah," he turned to face his son-in-law again and sighed. "I don't know which I want to do more; comfort my son because his mother was so heartless or go find Lily and find out what the hell she was thinking. This is awful; any hope that Lily and Luke's relationship might be repaired is probably over now. I am must stunned."

"It's really tearing Luke up," Noah said frowning himself. "He yelled at her today, before we came home. And then he was sitting here just all broken. And that's not even counting his outburst at the office…I don't' think you should go after Mrs. Snyder right now though. I think Luke needs you more."

"I'm sure you're right, Noah," Holden agreed his expression thoughtful. "Okay, let me pull myself together here, I don't even know what to say to him to even attempt to make this better."

Noah frowned and once more glanced at the closed door. He wasn't sure if there was any way to make this better. But if there was, surely Luke's dad would find it.

"There is just no excuse for this," Holden sighed. "Alright, let's take this one step at a time. Seeing Randy on a daily basis is not going to be good for Luke. Let me call Jack and see if we can get a restraining order to keep Randy away from the Studio. Then we will sit down, the three of us and figure out where we go from here. We will get through this, Noah. Luke is strong, and your love and support will help get him through."

"I hope so," Noah said getting up from the couch. "I'm going to go get him. He's just had so much going on just today, sr. First the incident at the station and then my dad came by. It just hasn't' been a good day.

"Your dad was here? When was this?"

"Not too long before I called you," Noah replied.

"Are you okay? I know seeing him upsets you and we won't even begin to get into what it does to Luke."

"I still don't have any concrete memories of my father, but I know he doesn't like my relationship with Luke. Today he made that even clearer, and he said he has talked to Randy too. He was very insulting and he…well he won't be coming back I don't think. I told him I didn't want him in my life anymore and he could forget that he had a son."

"Noah, that must have been very difficult for you." Holden said sympathetically. I hope you know that I am always here for you and if you ever need anything, anything at all, you only need ask."

"Thank you Sir."

Holden smiled and stood to place a hand on Noah's shoulder. " Ok, let me call Jack and get things rolling with this restraining order. You go see if you can lure Luke out of the bedroom and then we can strategize.


	28. Chapter 28

He was sad as he sat on the couch, and he didn't know if he wanted to scream or cry. He was still reeling from the words spoken just minutes…hours before, the words that shattered his heart into tiny little pieces. It wasn't as if he wasn't used to having his heart broken…surprisingly enough he was too used to that. This time he had thought it would be different. This time he thought he had found the one person who would take care of his heart…how could he have been so wrong?"

He didn't really know if he should be sitting here, accepting a cup of warm tea from the guy who was her best friend. Was that right? Did he belong in this apartment now? Or did the end mean that he lost everything? He hurt; in ways he didn't think were possible anymore. The careful shell of confidence he had perfected over time was cracked, and it wouldn't be long before it crumbled completely.

As he sat on the couch, with a blue pair of eyes to his left, and a brown pair to his right he wondered if he should even try. Maybe it was time to give up, to slip into the dark abyss of loneliness he had evaded for so long.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

He turned toward the voice, and was surprised to find concern in those brown eyes. He didn't know what he had been expecting, but for some reason it hadn't been that. He had come here seeking friends, but he was afraid to hope that friendliness was what he would find. Somehow he had been proven wrong, but perhaps they didn't know…yet."

"Whatever is wrong James, you can tell us."

He turned to the blue eyes this time, and felt a hand on his shoulder…comforting, soothing. Yet he wondered why they were being so nice.

"We're your friends too, James, lean on us if you need to."

He had to turn away from that gaze, and he found himself staring into the cup he had been given. They would never know just how much those words meant to him at this moment. He needed to hear that…and would probably need them to say it again and again…he was that scared. He had never been more afraid in his entire life.

"I should have known better," He said looking into the dark liquid. "It was a mistake…a big mistake…I shouldn't have listened to you," he turned to his right, green eyes locking with brown. "I should have stuck to my gut and…and…"

His words were gone as quickly as they had come and he darted away from the dark eyes…brown eyes…her eyes were brown.

"James." His head shot up but he didn't look in either direction. Both pairs of eyes were on him…Luke was speaking. "I can't help you, unless you talk to me. Noah and I…we are here for you…but you have to let us in. Let us be your shoulders since you are so good at being ours."

"I don't know what to say." he admitted. "I just…don't know anything anymore."

"Are you mad at me?" Luke asked softly.

"YES!" the answer was fierce and right on point, but he regretted it immediately. "No," he amended…"No."

"It's okay if you are," Luke soothed, wanting to reach out to James but knowing that this moment was not the time to do that. "You know I wasn't trying to hurt you right?"

"I know," he said facing the brown gaze again, head on. He wondered if Luke could see the tears in his eyes, and wondered if in this moment he was causing Luke to doubt his worth. He was supposed to be stronger than this. "It's just…"

"Hard?" Luke added softly.

"When you're used to being alone," Noah added.

He was in awe as he looked from one gaze to the other. They understood…they didn't even know the full story but they got it. They got him, in a way no one had gotten him in years. "Yeah," he said nodding. "Like that."

"You aren't alone, James," Noah assured him.

"You have us," Luke added, "And even though it's not the same, it's still the truth."

"She doesn't love me."

"Did she say that?" Luke asked his voice soft and not judgmental.

"It all amounts to the same thing," James countered. "If she…if she loved me she wouldn't have left."

"And are we talking about Maddie here…or your mom."

"How did you…" He started his eyes locking with the inquisitive brown ones.

"I pay attention," Luke said softly. "And I listen."

"I didn't remember my mom," Noah added his voice to the conversation.

"Maybe you're the lucky one," James said sadly. "I wish I didn't remember mine."

"Both?" Luke asked, guiding them back to the original question. "Both of them?"

"They always leave," James said frowning. "They never want to stay with me. I must have done something wrong again. I always do the wrong thing….and I did it again."

"What is it you think you did?" Noah asked curiously.

"I…I don't know," James replied. "But I must've done something."

"What did she say?"

"She said she really cares about me…but right now she doesn't think us being together is the best thing."

"Did you ask her why," Luke piped up, his eyes meeting with Noah's for a moment before focusing again on James.

"Her exact words," James murmured" I need to put myself first, and make sure that I am whole before I can give my heart to someone else?"

"And your mom said something similar?" Luke inquired.

"I told her she didn't have to go," James exclaimed, his eyes darting from Luke to Noah and back to Luke as if trying to make them understand. "I told her I would give her the space she needed…I just didn't want her to leave me."

"And she said she wanted time?" Luke asked.

"Yeah."

"Your mom said she needed time," Noah's voice filtered in, "and she never came back"

"Maddie isn't your mom, James. She's not going to leave."

"She already did leave, Luke. I just don't understand why. Did I do something wrong?"

"Why did she leave?" Noah inquired.

Silence followed that question and he was sure they thought he wouldn't answer…but it wasn't that. He wanted to tell them…he needed to say it, but saying it would make it hurt and he didn't want to do that. "I didn't mean for it to happen?" He said placing the now cold mug on the table.

"What," Luke and Noah said in unison. They locked eyes with each other for a moment before focusing their attention on James.

"I tried to get better…but it didn't help. She never came back. It was too late."

"James," Luke called his name, and placed a hand on his right shoulder. "What are you talking about?"

"I had Leukemia when I was little," he explained in a small voice. "I was so sick, sometimes my dad didn't know if I was going to live or not. I was too sick, Mom couldn't take care of me anymore…she said it was too much and she needed to get away. She needed to focus on her…she needed time, just some time."

"How old were you when she left?" Noah asked.

"Seven."

"And how long," Luke picked up the thread, "did you wait for her to come back before you realized she wasn't?"

Silence again as he thought about that time. He could remember his protests; he could recall the angry screaming matches he had with his dad. He could almost hear his father always gentle, always patient trying to get him to see reason. And he knew all too well that bumpy road to recovery...he remembered his adolescence and sometimes he wished he didn't.

"Five years," he said biting his lip. And after that I closed myself off."

"You were lonely," Luke stated, "you felt neglected, and you wondered why she didn't love you enough."

"And…you wondered why you weren't good enough," Noah added. "And no matter how hard you tried you couldn't reach that level of greatness you were supposed to be striving for."

"Your Mom," Luke spoke again, "Had this image of you in her mind…this plan for how your life would turn out, and you defied that plan. You didn't follow the norm, went against the pattern…and she just couldn't accept it." 

"She didn't want to," Noah interjected. She chose to leave…that wasn't your fault, that was hers."

"You didn't do anything wrong…you were just a kid."

"But I was sick," James protested looking at Luke seriously. "I just didn't get better fast enough."

"YOU being sick does not excuse her anymore than my mom is excused for me being gay. Parents don't get to choose not to be parents…not after we're already here."

"It's like a contract," Noah asserted, both James and Luke turned to listen to what he had to say. "There is a bond formed that is like no other and it's different from the one associated with fathers, and when it's broken…that contract it's not easy to go back."

""If you can go back," Luke amended. "Sometimes there comes a point where you have to stop trying, and where you have to learn that your parents' actions are not your fault."

"That's easier said than done," Noah said softly. He frowned and this time James placed a hand on his shoulder, offering the same comfort he had been given minutes prior. "My mother's not dead," he announced as if he were alerting them of an oncoming storm. "That was a lie." He shook his head and closed his eyes as if trying to stay off the memory. When he broke the connection with James, Luke almost immediately stood and suddenly Noah was the one in the middle.

"It's okay Noah," James said pouring his inner strength into his voice. "Let the memory come…I think I'm starting to understand it's not just me."

"And that's a fact that is both comforting and upsetting at the same time," Luke said as he rubbed Noah's back. Brown eyes met green over Noah's head, and for the first time that night James managed a small smile. His dad had been correct; there was something very nice about forming bonds.

"You have every right to be hurt, James," Luke reasoned some time later. James had become the center of the group again, Noah to his left, and Luke to his right. Noah was still reeling from his realization that he had been lied to, but it wasn't the predominant thought in his mind. "With everything you just told us, it seems that Maddie's words reminded you too much of what your mom did all those years ago. The thing is you have to realize that Maddie is not your mother."

"And you didn't do anything wrong," Noah added.

"Noah's right, Maddie's not letting go because of you. She's doing it because she's scared and she needs her best friend to shake some sense into her."

"I don't know…" James started.

"Trust me," Luke cut him off. "Trust us."

"I do trust you," James admitted. "And I think both of you know how scary that prospect can be."

He was momentarily stunned to feel two pairs of lips on his cheeks, and then found himself wrapped into a tight embrace. Without even thinking about it, his arms moved, one around Luke, the other around Noah completing the circle, strengthening the bond.

It was just after nine in the morning, but Luke felt like he could lie down and pass out right on the spot. It had been a late night, ending with James falling asleep on the couch around two. Luke had whispered quietly with Noah in their bedroom, until they both drifted off an hour later. Now just six hours later he was standing in front of his best friend's door waiting for her to answer his knock.

He didn't have a speech planned; he wasn't even sure what he was doing. He just knew he had to do something. When the door opened he said not a word. He just pulled the figure into his arms and held on tight. Her head rested against his shoulder and her arms wrapped around his neck, she needed a hug…she needed him.

"This scene seems familiar," Maddie smiled through her tears as Luke handed her a mug before settling down on the couch beside her.

"The roles are reversed this time, and I'm trying hard not to be mad at you when you're hurting like this."

"You talked to James," Maddie surmised. She placed her mug on the table and faced her best friend. "I had to do this Luke."

"Why?"

"Because…because it was going to fast too quickly."

"You didn't seem to mind that when it was Noah."

"Yeah and look where that got me?"

"I know that hurt you, Maddie. And I am sorry for my part in that…it was a little different though. Noah was trying to hide…three people got hurt in that process; you, me and Noah."

"That wasn't completely Noah's fault though," Maddie protested. "It was mine…and I know that now. I know I'm just screwed up, and I always get myself into these relationships and I mess them up somehow."

He placed a hand on her shoulder and looked her straight in the eye. "You are right about one thing…You did mess up, this time. No, listen," he said as she tried to pull away. "James is not Casey, and he's not Noah. He's the man who at this very second is passed out on my couch because you broke him."

"Luke, I…"

"Don't Luke me," Luke interrupted. "I know that Casey hurt you. I know the thing with Noah was so messed up, and I know you are afraid, Maddie. It's okay to be scared. Falling in love is a messy business and it happens so fast that your head will spin. The easiest part sometimes is the falling…but the maintaining, that's where the challenge comes in.

"That seems to be where I have the problem. I'm getting too attached to James, Luke I have to end this now."

"That doesn't sound like the Maddie I know," Luke said shaking his head. "The best friend I remember loves with her whole heart and has strong convictions when it comes to her friends and to her significant other. She believes in romance and old movies and wants her prince charming and that happily ever after. Maybe you know that girl."

Maddie smiled despite her tears and shook her head. "There's no such thing, Luke."

"Yeah there is. I found mine, his name is Noah. You might remember him; tall, blue eyes and dark hair that is so fun to run my fingers through." Maddie couldn't help it she laughed and swatted at Luke who just took her hands into his. "And yours is tall as well. His eyes are green and his hair is red. He's handsome, sweet, kind and very much in love with you."

"Is he really broken?" she asked after a brief silence. "Did I hurt him that much?"

"Do you know how hard it was for him to go out on a date with you?" Maddie shook her head. "He was very nervous about agreeing to go on a blind date, Maddie. He asked me if I thought he should go…I told him to take a chance, and he did. And he fell in love with you…I can't tell you what he told me yesterday, but I will say that wasn't very easy for him. And the fact that he fell for you, Maddie, says a lot about you. He needs you…and you need him."

Maddie sat silently for a moment, reaching out to pick up her mug as she thought about all Luke had said. "I do love him," she said finally. "I just feel like I need…"

"Need what? Time? Space?"

"I don't know," Maddie sighed exasperated.

"You do know," Luke charged, "You just won't allow yourself to admit it and accept it. Now I'm going to warn you that it won't be easy to regain James' trust, you've broken that. But I don't doubt that if you truly want him and truly love him, like I know you do, you can get him back. And until then the world is going to be spinning off its axis. 

"I must have really messed up if you're pissed at me," she commented wiping the tears from her cheeks.

"Yeah, I am pissed," Luke exclaimed. "James looked so vulnerable yesterday and so hurt."

"You're supposed to be my friend, Luke."

"I am your friend, Maddie. That's why I'm here to tell you that you made a mistake and you need to fix it. I'm not going to let you throw away the best thing to ever happen to you. I care about you and James. You both have been there for me and Noah a lot over the past few months and there is no way I can truly repay you for that. So when I see one of you hurting I will get upset."

Maddie put her mug down and went immediately into Luke's embrace. She buried herself in his arms, her tears wetting the front of his shirt. "I'm sorry, Luke."

Luke rubbed her back and kissed the top of his head. "I know you are Maddie…but I'm not the one who needs to hear that."

Noah sighed as he entered the living room. James was still sleeping on the couch and Luke wasn't back yet. He rubbed at his tired eyes and rushed to open the door before the knocking woke James.

"Holden?" he said surprised to see Luke's dad at the door.

"Hello, Noah. Is everything alright?"

"Uh yeah…" Noah said confused. "Is something wrong?"

"You and Luke were supposed to meet me for breakfast this morning, remember?"

Noah sighed and moved aside so that Holden could enter the house. "I'm sorry about that, Holden," He whispered. "It was a long night and I'm just waking up. Luke had to run out this morning…I don't think he left more than thirty minutes ago."

"Where was he off to, so early?" Holden asked.

"Well," Noah said looking towards the couch where James seemed to be stirring. "That's kinda a long story. He went to see Maddie."

"Noah, what aren't you telling me? Why is Luke out this early in the morning going to see Maddie?"

"Maddie?" James said sitting up on the couch. "Is she here?" he looked around and blushed when he realized that Luke's father was standing there. "Oh, good morning, Mr. Snyder."

"James," Holden greeted with a frown. "Son, are you okay? Would someone please tell me what is the world is going on? Why is James sleeping on your couch, Noah?"

"I'm sorry, Sir," James spoke up before Noah could. "Maybe I should just go."

"No, you stay there," Noah ordered. "You are in no condition to drive anywhere."

"But Luke's dad is here, and I obviously kept you from something."

"Just answer his question, James. It will be okay."

James frowned but turned his attention to Holden. "I apologize, Mr. Snyder, I guess I'm not really okay, but I don't want to trouble you with that."

"Nonsense," Holden said, coming to place a hand on James' shoulder. "James, after all you have done for Luke over the past few months, believe me when I say it's no trouble. Just tell me what's going on so I can understand how you came to be sleeping on my sons' couch in no condition to drive."

"I'm not drunk, if that's what you are wondering, sir," James said frowning. "I…we…Maddie broke up with me last night…" he trailed off and shook his head. "I'm going to go use the restroom," he said getting up and heading in that direction.

"We stayed up until at least two with him," Noah explained. "It was a very long night…very emotional and cathartic."

"And Luke?" Holden asked concerned. "He's okay, right? I can only imagine how this is troubling him. Maddie is his best friend, but he and James have become so close. I'm sure this is tearing him apart."

"Yeah he was pretty upset about it when we finally made it to bed. I think we talked about it for an hour." Noah replied.

"Is that why he went to see Maddie this morning, so early?"

"Yes, sir. And I'm sorry we missed breakfast. It was a long night, and I know we have a lot to get accomplished. Right before the world ended, we did find out that Maddie got the security tapes. So Mr. Hughes just needs to subpoena them and we'll be all set." James returned to the living room as Noah spoke and returned to his spot on the couch. "I can make us breakfast now though. Did you want some coffee?"

"I would love some coffee," Noah. Don't worry about breakfast though. We'll just wait for Luke, and then we can all go together and get something to eat. We can strategize at the same time."

"I'm going to get going," James said getting up from the couch.

"James," Noah started.

"No, its okay, Noah. I really should get going. Tell Luke I will call him later and thank you so much for everything. I'll see you later, Mr. Snyder."

"James, wait," Holden said stopping the younger man in his tracks. "I want you to stay. I have a feeling that Luke would be pretty upset if he came home and found you gone. Stay, have some coffee and the least I can do for all you have done for my boys is buy you some breakfast."

"Thanks sir," James replied, "But that's not necessary."

"I insist. Once Noah gets the coffee done, maybe he can find you a change of clothes so you can take a shower."

"Yeah, no problem. Sit," Noah said pointing at the couch. "I'll be right back with the coffee."

James sat and watched as Noah left him in the living room with Luke's dad. "He's really getting comfortable in his own skin," he said smiling fondly. "I think Luke is rubbing off on him…or maybe they are rubbing off on each other. Whichever it works, and it's good to see."

"I have to agree with you on that," Holden admitted. "Noah has made great progress. Did he tell you he stood up to his father yesterday?" James shook his head. "I know that was extremely hard for him, but I couldn't be more proud."

A small smile crossed James' lips. "I'm glad he was able to stand up to the Colonel. Neither he, nor Luke mentioned that to me. Though they probably would have."

"Speaking of Luke," Holden leaned against the couch and crossed his arms, "While Noah may be making headway with my very stubborn son, most of his recovery lies squarely at your feet."

"You're too kind, sir," James said modestly.

""No I'm not, and don't think I'm going to forget that. You have pulled him through one of the toughest times of his life and for that I will be forever grateful."

"You really are too kind, sir," James said softly. "I didn't really do much but let Luke talk out his feelings. He did most of the work. I just listened."

"But it was you who reached out to him to give him that comfort level to talk," Holden insisted. "You were rock solid for him when Noah was in the coma. You haven't disappeared from his life, now that Noah is awake, and you still come running any and every time he needs you. That's more than even some of his own family can say."

"Luke is a great friend," James said as Noah returned to the living room with coffee in his hands. "Thanks Noah. I'm glad I could be there for him."

"Here you go sir," Noah said handing Holden his coffee. I wasn't sure how you like your coffee so I hope black is okay."

"Black is fine. Thank you, Noah. Why don't you see about finding James some clothes? I'm sure a shower will make you feel like a new man," he said focusing on his sons' friend once more.

'"A shower would be nice actually," James commented.

"Well, follow me," Noah said turning to head for the bedroom.

James got up to follow and Holden took a seat on the couch to drink his coffee. He could hear the boys faintly talking as Noah found James clothes, and he looked at his watch wondering how long it would take for Luke to be back. He thought momentarily that he should call his son's cell phone but decided against it. It was just like Luke to want to help someone in need. It was truly one of the reasons he was very proud of his son.

"Thanks for agreeing to meet with us Tom," Holden said as he took a seat at the table. Luke, and Noah sat together, and James sat between Holden and Tom. They were having lunch at the Lakeview, and Tom was there to discuss the case with them.

"It's not a problem at all, Holden. I want to make sure we are ready for this case. How are you feeling today, Luke," He asked turning his attention to the younger Snyder."

"As fine as I can be today, Tom. I had a rough day yesterday, and it was a long night…so I'll try to answer your questions best I can."

"Relax, Luke, I'm sure you will do fine," Tom assured him. "And you two," he said focusing on Noah and James, I'm actually glad you are here as well. James I know they will want to question you since you were with Luke right before, correct?"

"Yes, I was at his home. Noah was there too…and Maddie."

Holden squeezed James' shoulder encouragingly and he sighed. Luke was watching the exchange and offered his friend a smile of reassurance. He was glad James was there as well. He was not looking forward to this part of the afternoon.

"I don't see what help I can be, Mr. Hughes," Noah spoke up. "I don't remember what happened…just what Luke told me."

"You remember when I told you the first time, Noah…that has to count for something."

Luke's right, and please, call me Tom. For the most part, Noah you are here to give Luke your support. I'm sure you can do that."

"Yes sir."

"Okay, good. First order of business," He said turning his attention to Luke, "is the temporary order of protection Jack put into place for you. That will protect you until we can get into court to get a permanent one. We'll get that taken care of first thing Monday morning. Kim is willing to let you miss work for the hearing, and she said it was alright for Noah to accompany you too.

"What do I have to do at the hearing?" Luke asked.

"You will explain to the judge why you are requesting a protective order against Mr. Thompson. This totally your call Luke. If you feel you can work with Mr. Thompson…"

"No, its okay…I'll go to court on Monday. I just didn't realize it was so much stuff to think about."

Tom was sympathetic as he looked at his young client. "I know this is tough, and it's only going to get tougher, but this is going to be okay"

"I hope so," Luke said as Noah placed a hand on his shoulder. He turned and looked into those blue eyes, drinking in the support and love he saw there. As long as Noah was by his side he had to believe he would be alright. Noah smiled at him and kissed his cheek. Luke took a hold of Noah's hand and they turned their attention back to Tom who was talking about what to expect at the trial.

It all seemed cut and dry to him. There would be opening arguments from both sides, and then the prosecution would call its first witness. Luke dreaded that moment, having to get up on the stand in front of everyone and talk about what Randy had done. After his testimony he would be cross examined and then other witnesses would be called. James, Noah, Maddie. Luke glanced over at James when Maddie's name was mentioned. He wanted to make sure his friend was okay. From the looks of those expressive green eyes he was definitely trying to be.

Tom would make mention of the tape, which Luke hoped didn't have to be shown. He didn't voice that out loud though, but he really didn't want anyone to have to see that tape. He wished no one had to see it at all. Once Tom rested his case the Defense would start theirs. Randy would be called to the stand and any character witnesses he had. Luke bristled at the thought of Randy getting up there spouting his version of things. Was he making a big mistake by doing this?

"Luke I want to ask you some questions, to give you an idea of what you can expect to be asked on the stand.

Luke swallowed and nodded. He could feel His dad's eyes as well as James watching him closely. Noah squeezed his hand. It was comforting and he knew he wouldn't have that luxury in court.

"Okay, Luke can you tell me when you first became acquainted with Mr. Thompson?"

"He interned with us at WOAK this summer."

"Can you tell me the status of your relationship?"

"We were friends."

"Is that all, Luke?"

"Yeah…I mean I flirted with him some but it was harmless."

"Can you tell us what happened on the night in question?"

"Do I have to?" he asked looking straight at Tom?"

"Not right now, Luke but you know you will have to in court." Luke nodded and put his head down. Noah and Holden both tried to convince him to eat something but he had lost his appetite. He listened to the rest of Tom's questions and nodded when asked one directly, but he was noticeably silent for the rest of the interview.

"Luke I'll see you on Monday. For now you take care of yourself," tom said, a concerned expression on his face. "Noah, take care of him will ya."

"Yes, sir," Noah said wrapping his arm around Luke's waist to keep him steady.

"I'm going to take off too," James spoke up, sticking his hands in his pockets.

"NO you aren't," Luke said grabbing a hold of James arm. "You need some time to clear your head, and therefore you are going to come with us. If that's okay?" he said looking at Noah."

"I was thinking we could go to the farm," Noah explained. "Maybe a horseback ride will do you some good too James."

Luke sighed contentedly. "It would be nice to see Ariel again. James you must come, you have to meet my horse."

"Well since the prospect seems to have improved your mood already, I'd be hard-pressed to decline," James smiled. "I don't have boots though."

"That's okay, we have extra at the farm"

James smiled a genuine smile and ran a hand through his hair. "Thanks guys, for being here for me."

"We'll see if you still thank us after your visit to the farm," Luke said as the four men headed out of the Lakeview. The mood was a little lighter than it had been when they entered and that suited them just fine.

Noah was right; this was just what he had needed. He closed his eyes for a moment breathing in the crisp air as he moved swiftly along the path. Ariel glided along at a run, and Luke trusted that she would know where to go. He trusted her, felt safe with her, and knew that she only had his best interest in heart.

"Okay slow down a bit girl," he said yanking gently on the reins. She slowed to a walk, and Luke patted her back as he looked over his shoulder. James was enjoying his ride too. He was riding Bastien, who seemed very happy to have found a rider who appreciated him. Noah was on Mist and at that moment he slowed her to a trot, coming up right next to Luke.

"Are you enjoying yourself," Noah asked, reaching for Luke's reins so he could slow both horses to a stop.

"Luke smiled and leaned over to give Noah a kiss. "Yes, thank you so much. This was just what I needed. And you remembered how to ride. You didn't forget what I taught you."

Noah grinned. "I guess some things you just never forget," he said softly. "I have a surprise for you thought."

"Should we get James and head back to the house?"

"I think James will be okay for a few minute," Noah said looking out at their friend. "Bastien seems to like him a lot."

"Yeah, I think they have fallen in love. There's nothing quite like it, Noah…the love between a man and his horse."

Noah smiled and leaned in to kiss him again. "Come on, I want to give you your surprise."

"Oh, Noah." That was all Luke could say when he saw the picnic spread that awaited their return to the farmhouse. "You didn't…" he said as he slid off of Ariel and tied her to a post. "You did all this for me."

"With a little help from your grandma," Noah said as he dismounted his horse. "I told her I wanted to do something special for you…and she said she'd take care of it, I just had to keep you occupied for a few hours which was no problem since we came out here to ride."

Luke slid into Noah's arms and hugged him tight before looking up into that rich sapphire gaze. "I don't know if you realize how much this…you mean to me, so thank you. Thank you for being patient with me and for putting up with me and taking care of me when it should be the other way around."

"We take care of each other, Luke," Noah placed a hand on his cheek. "I'm just glad I could get your mind off of everything coming up for a while."

Luke kissed him softly, before pulling him down to the blanket so they could rifle through the picnic Emma had prepared. She had packed all of Luke's favorites, and Noah got a kick out of listening to Luke exclaim as he took each item out of the basket. "Thank you, Noah," Luke said again as he opened a container of Cole Slaw.

"You're welcome," Noah said, taking the container from him. He picked up one of the forks and fed Luke some of the dish. For the next hour they sat together laughing and eating. By the time James Joined them an hour later they were feeding each other and Luke's laugh rang out loud and clear over the clearing.

"Did you guys save any for me?" James teased as he easily slid off his horse.

"There's plenty, James, Luke said grinning at his friend. "I hope you are hungry, my grandma is an amazing cook."

"Actually I'm starving. And it's nice to see a smile on your face, Luke."

"Being with Noah always makes me smile," Luke admitted softly as he looked at his husband who chose that moment to look bashful.

"I seem to recall that," James said taking a seat on the blanket.

"I think being with friends makes me smile," Noah announced. "I think we all needed today."

James poured a drink for him, Luke and Noah and raised his glass. "Here's to friendship and love," he added softly.

They were still laughing and having a good time when they returned to the apartment building. All noise ceased when they spotted Maddie sitting in front of the boys' apartment. She stood as they approached and smiled in greeting.

"IF you guys don't mind, I need to talk to James," she said shyly. "If that would be alright."

"You two are more than welcome to use the apartment," Luke said unlocking the door. "Noah and I need to run out for groceries anyway."

'We do?" Noah asked. Luke elbowed him in the ribs. "Oh yeah, we're out of mozzarella for the lasagna, I totally forgot. You two go ahead and talk and we will be back."

James and Maddie watched their friends go off before moving into the apartment. Maddie took a seat on the couch while James closed and locked the door. He stood there for a moment, not really sure what to say, or how to start this conversation. He had been wondering all day, just what he would say to her, and now that she was there he wasn't quite sure. What was it he always told Luke? That his father had always taught him? Sometimes you just had to talk…worrying about what to say only prolonged the inevitable.

"You said you wanted to talk," he said finally. He realized he wasn't ready to turn around just yet, but he could feel her eyes on him. The silence was driving him crazy.

"I want you to look at me, James."

"No."

"Why not?"

"You and Luke both tell me I have expressive eyes…and right now I don't want you to see what I'm feeling. So if you want to talk just talk."

"You aren't going to make this easy for me are you?" Maddie said softly. She frowned as she looked at his back, and tried not to get frustrated that he wouldn't look at her.

"Yesterday you told me you didn't want to see me anymore because you wanted time to figure out who you were," James said his voice controlled. "And today you are here expecting me to make it easy for you? I have always thought you were smarter than that Maddie."

"Why are you being so cruel?"

"Cruel," James said turning around to face her. "You break up with me out of the blue…with no warning and you're calling me cruel? You just don't get it do you? How that felt? To hear those words from you…you broke my heart, Maddie. And despite all of that, I love you. I love you so much but I can't…I don't trust you."

"James…"

"Do you want to know what's cruel?" he cut her off at the pass. "Cruel is when your seven years old and your mom tells you she has to go away for awhile. She says she needs space and time away from you because if she doesn't get it she'll go insane. Cruel is when you wait year after year after year for her to come back and she never comes. It's that day when you finally let it sink in that she's not coming back and that's all your fault."

"James I'm sorry," Maddie stood so she could go to him.

"Don't, don't come near me and don't touch me. You can't do that, Maddie. You can't say things, and do things and think that a hug or a kiss is going to fix it and make it all better. It doesn't work that way. "

"I'm just scared, James."

"I know you're scared," James exclaimed. "That's the thing, I know you have had failed relationships. I know about Casey and Noah, and I've been doing everything that I can to make sure you know that I'm not them. I'm only me…James, and I have feelings, Maddie. And fears…real ones."

"I didn't think you were scared of anything."

"Well I guess that's something else you and Noah have in common then." He said bitterly as it occurred to him how ironic that statement really was."

"I…I don't know what to say James. I've never seen you scared."

"Because with you I never had a reason to be scared," he cried. "Until now there was nothing to be afraid of and I knew…I knew I was safe with you, and I could be me with you and I could let you be the keeper of my heart."

"Has that changed?" Maddie asked. Her heart was breaking for James, and it made her even sadder to know that she has caused this pain. Luke hadn't been kidding when he saw her that morning. She had broken her James, and now she had to figure out how to get him back. "James, has that changed?" she asked again when her first attempt was met with silence.

"No, it hasn't changed. I just don't know if I can believe in it again."

"Why not?"

"Because you're just like her!" he raged. "You say things and I think you mean them, and I love you with everything I have. I care about you and bend over backwards to make sure I don't let you down and then you leave. How can you say you love me one minute and then walk out the door the next?"

Luke and Noah could hear voices as they reached their apartment door. Noah exchanged a look with his husband as he looked for his keys. "I'd guess things aren't going so well in there?" he said as Luke unlocked the door. He had just enough time to move out of the way before Maddie came barreling out at a run. "I'll get her," he said pushing the grocery bag into Luke's arm and taking off after Maddie.

Luke went inside and put the grocery bag by the door. "What happened?" he asked crossing his arms in front of him.

"Hey, wait a minute," Noah said catching Maddie around her waist. She tried to fight him but she was no match for him, and finally just collapsed against his chest. Noah held her for a moment, her silent tears wetting the front of his shirt. "Do you want to tell me what happened?"

"James doesn't love me anymore."

"Somehow I really doubt that," Noah said softly.

"He all but said so in there. He doesn't want to be with me, and doesn't even want to see me."

Noah frowned. "I don't think you were listening to him," he said carefully.

"What do you mean I wasn't listening? I heard what he said?"

Noah placed his hands on her shoulders so she was looking straight at him. "No, I don't think you were Maddie. You see, James does love you, but you broke the trust and you have to get that back. But I can assure you that running away is not the way to do it."

"James," Luke said moving to place a hand on his friend's shoulder. "You have to talk to me here, or I can't help."

"This was a bad idea," James said defeated.

"What? Why?"

"You saw her, she left," James said sadly.

"You compared her to your mom?" Luke inquired softly.

"I'm just scared," James admitted.

"And you told her that?"

"Yes."

"She's not used to you being scared, James."

"I never had to be scared with her. She's the first woman I've ever opened up completely to."

"But you're still holding things back," Luke reminded him softly. "You have to make her understand. Tell her why this is important."

"But she left me. Just like before."

"No James." Both Luke and James turned at the sound of Maddie's voice. Luke was relieved to see his best friend and his husband standing in the doorway. He quickly got to his feet and dragged Noah out of the room to give them some privacy. "I'm not leaving you. I don't want to leave you. I love you."

James looked at her and frowned. He wanted to believe her words…so much. "How can I trust that when you've already left twice?"

"That wasn't about you James, that was about me, and my insecurities."

James shook his head. "She said it was about her too. And I never saw her again. I loved her, Maddie for a very long time. And I hoped, I wanted her to come back…but she never came. She said she just needed time, but she really just needed…wanted to get away from me. I don't' think I could do that again."

Maddie slowly approached the couch and placed a gentle hand on James cheek. "I'm not your mother, James," she whispered as she stroked his face. "I know she hurt you, and if I ever met the woman I'd tear her a new one for you because you are too special a person to be hurt like that. And you have done nothing wrong…in fact you have always done everything right. And I love you, James Robert McPherson, with all of my heart and my soul. I want to regain your trust."

James took her hand into his and pressed it against his lips. He sat there for a long moment just feeling the connection, inhaling her scent, enjoying her touch. This was what he missed…His Maddie.

"It's not that simple," he said a few minutes later. He pulled her down beside him and turned so they were facing each other. "It's not as simple as saying you're sorry, and it won't be as simple as you aren't going anywhere. I love you, Maddie. You have my heart and…I want you to keep it, but you have to show me that you really want it, and that you'll take care of it. I want to believe what you are telling me…but as of right now you don't have my trust and that needs to be okay."

Maddie pulled her hand away and allowed her fingers to gently run through James' hair. "For how long," she asked.

James shook her hand out of his hair and took a hold of it again, kissing it before letting it go completely. "Let's take this one day at a time okay? Luke is going to need both of us for the next month or so, with this trial coming up. We need to be here for him, and Noah. Let's focus on that for now."

"Okay," Maddie said softly as she looked at the man she loved. "I'm going to do whatever it takes to regain your trust, James…no matter how long that takes."

'If you can prove that to me Maddie, I think we'll be okay."

"Is the coast clear in here," Luke asked as he and Noah entered the living room. Both boys had drinks in their hands and Noah smiled at Maddie who moved to take one of the glasses from his hands.

"Yeah, I think things will be okay," James replied as Luke handed him something to drink. "You have good timing"

Luke settled down on the couch and gestured for Noah and Maddie to sit down as well. "Everything is really okay?"

Maddie took a sip of her juice before nodding. "Thanks to you everything will be just fine," she said smiling at James who returned the smile easily.

"We want to concentrate on you for now," he explained facing the boys. "We're here for both of you…and I want to thank you for yesterday."

"No need to thank us, James," Noah replied. "You guys have all been so good to me, especially you," he said bumping shoulders with Luke.

Luke allowed a smile to cross his lips as he put down his glass. "Okay, come on everyone up," he said. Noah stood easily, placing his glass down as well. "Come on guys, indulge me here," Luke said pulling James and Maddie to their feet as well. "I want a group hug," he explained once they were all in a circle," and I have something to say."

Their arms wrapped around each other and their head met in the middle. Maddie and James shared a smile before focusing on Luke. Noah was looking at Luke as well, waiting to hear what he had to say.

"These past few months have been crazy," Luke admitted sincerely, "and I truly don't know what I would have done if I didn't have you here by my side. I want to thank you for that…even though I know there is no thanks necessary." He smiled knowing that was the phrase on the tip of each of their tongues. "I know I'm really lucky to have such great friends, and a great lover," His eyes met Noah's sapphire gaze head on and Noah mouthed "I love you". "I love you too, Noah," Luke whispered, "and you, he said squeezing Maddie closer, and you," he said his eyes finally focusing on James before facing Noah again, "and I think…with you by my side I can get through this trial."

"Noah," Luke said as they lay in bed later that night. The four friends had talked for a while, everyone trying to help Noah with his memory, as well as trying to keep their minds off their individual issues. Maddie was the first to leave, leaving the three boys to talk and lean on each other if need be. When James finally left he felt like he had gained two brothers…friends and a bond that not even time could break. Luke was exhausted, but he couldn't sleep. His head was turned to the side as he stared at Noah's still form and he reached out to touch him, to see if he could get a response. "Noah," he repeated, "are you sleeping?"

"I'm not now," Noah said opening his eyes. He turned so that he could face Luke, and frowned at the serious expression on his face. "What's wrong?"

"There's something I need to tell you," Luke said his voice controlled. "I've actually needed to talk to you about this for awhile now but…I've never found the right time."

"What is it Luke? You know you can tell me anything."

"You and I need to be tested, Noah." He said softly.

Noah frowned. 'Tested for what?"

"I'm really sorry, Noah."

"Luke…tell me," Noah said placing a hand on Luke's shoulder. "You can tell me anything."

Luke sighed and closed his eyes momentarily. He turned to Noah when he called his name once more. "Randy wasn't wearing a condom."

"Holden, what are you doing here?" Lily was stunned to see her soon-to-be-ex-husband sitting on her property.

"Do you mind if we talk alone," he said glaring at the man who stood by her side.

"Dusty can you get us a night cap? I'll be right in."

Holden glared at Dusty until the man disappeared into the house. He knew Lily was waiting for him to speak, but for a few minutes he continued to glower at the door.

"Holden…I don't have all night."

"What did you think you were doing, bailing that bastard out of Jail," he railed, turning on her so fast she had to take a step back. "What were thinking Lily, or were you even thinking at all?"

"That's not fair," Lily charged, adjusting her purse on her arm as she looked at Holden.

"Not fair?" Holden laughed. "How can you stand there and talk about fair when you stabbed our son in the back?"

"There are two sides to every story, Holden." 

"And you believe the word of a man you barely know, over your own son?"

"Luke has been known to lie to cover his tracks, Holden it's not anything new. He messed up and it's not right that someone else is paying for his mistakes."

"Lily are you listening to yourself? You act as if Luke allowed Randy to take the blame for him stealing a comic book, or causing a car accident. This is something far more serious. Your son was violated and you are helping his rapist."

"I think you wear rose-colored glasses when it comes to our son, Holden. I always did say he has you wrapped around his finger. Remember when he wanted to help you with the horses while he was home recovering from a cold? He insisted he would be fine, so you let him outside and of course the hay made him sneeze. And you didn't see anything wrong with that."

"This so does not compare to that?" Holden protested. "And I can't believe you would compare what's going on now with something so mundane. Maybe if you were actually around you would realize that Luke and I do have our conflicts. And when he's wrong I tell him he's wrong. When he needed to be reprimanded I was stern. He's a good kid, Lily and he wouldn't lie about something like this."

"I talked to Randy, H olden. The kid had a harmless crush and Luke took advantage of that, and now he's trying to cover it up in a horrible way. It's unfortunate that it has come to this. If Luke would have dealt with this like an adult I wouldn't have stepped in but someone had to be on Randy's side."

Holden grimaced and stepped back as if he had been slapped. "Well I hope you know that you've just made it that much harder to reconcile with your son. Enjoy the rest of your evening Lily."

He hated crying, it seemed to be all he did these days and he wished he could stop. He angrily wiped at his tears as he watched Noah talking on the phone. Noah's voice was quiet but urgent sounding and Luke wished he knew what his husband was saying. He turned to his side in the bed and curled up into a ball. He closed his eyes tightly and tried to block out the world.

"Luke," Noah said sitting on the bed beside him. A gentle hand touched Luke's shoulder and he moved to rest his head in Noah's lap. Noah's fingers immediately found his hair, and Luke found comfort in that simple touch. "Don't cry, Luke…I don't want you to be upset, we're going to deal with this."

"I don't want you to be mad at me, Noah. I'm sorry. I know I should have told you but I didn't know…and then everything happened and I didn't know how to break it to you."

"Luke."

"And you know I would never put you in harm's way. I…I love you too much to do something like that, I mean it, Noah I don't want to hurt you."

"Luke," Noah tried again, this time bending down to kiss Luke's mouth. "Shut up for a minute." He smiled at the indignant look on Luke's face and wiped the wetness from his eyes. "I'm not mad at you, this isn't your fault. You didn't expose us to anything…Randy did and we're going to go to the doctor's…I made an emergency appointment for tonight and then in a few weeks we'll know okay?'"

Luke was in awe as he looked up at the man he loved. "You mean that?"

"Yes, Luke. You need to get up and get dressed. We need to be at the doctor's in thirty minutes, okay?"

Luke sat up and wrapped his arms around Noah and gave him a sloppy kiss. "I love you."

"I love you too; now go get dressed so we can get out of here."

"Luke are you okay?" Noah asked as they sat in the waiting room at the clinic. Luke was fidgeting in his seat, but he tried to be still as he looked at Noah.

"I'm fine," he said, though Noah wasn't convinced.

"Luke…"

"I'm a little scared," he admitted. "This will be my first examination since the rape. I have to let someone other than you touch me. The thought made him shudder and he wondered if they were making a mistake here.

"Relax," Noah said squeezing his hand. "I'm here with you, I'm going to do all the talking and I'll hold your hand. Nothing to worry about with me here. Remember that."

"Mr. Snyder,"

Noah stood and pulled Luke with him. He held his hand as they approached the nurse who had called their names. "This is Luke Snyder, and I'm his husband, Noah Mayer. I'm the one that called about the appointment. Thank you for being able to accommodate us, Dr. Baldwin."

"I'm happy to help, Noah. Follow me please."

Noah squeezed Luke's hand as they followed the doctor back to her office where she motioned for them to have a seat. Noah let go of Luke's hand and put his arm around his shoulder as he waited for the doctor to start asking questions.

"Now can you tell me what brings you to the clinic tonight?" Dr. Baldwin inquired a friendly smile on her face.

"My husband I need to have full examinations, specifically we need to be tested for STDS and HIV.

"Alright, I just need to ask you both a few questions okay?"

Yes ma'am."

"How long have you two been married?"

"Four months," Noah responded, looking at Luke for confirmation of that fact. Luke just nodded.

"And you two are sexually active correct?"

"Not since three weeks ago, .Dr. Baldwin."

"And before then?"

Noah looked at Luke and tightened his hold on hi, assuring him once again that he would take care of this. "My husband was sexually assaulted four months ago but he never got checked out. We just recently learned that his attacker may possibly be HIV positive."

"Say no more, Noah, I think I can figure out the rest," Dr. Baldwin said gently. She gave them both paperwork to fill out and told them to change into their hospital gowns when they were ready. Noah went first, and then held Luke's hand the whole time it was his turn. Once they were finished, Dr. Baldwin explained that they would have the results back in a few weeks.

"Thank you," Luke said once he and Noah were on their way home again. "I'm sorry I was just a mess in there."

Noah cupped his cheek with his hand and caressed it softly. "When are you going to realize that you don't have to thank me for loving you?"

"Never," Luke said a beaming smile crossing his lips

The room was dark when the figure entered the room. He flipped on the light and immediately went to work. He had to be quick; no one could catch him in here. There was a pile of tapes sitting on the desk and he quickly sifted through them. It didn't take long to find what he was looking for: November 21, 2007-night-6:00pm-12:00am. He carefully removed the label from the tape and set the tape to the side. He pulled a blank tape out of his bag and placed the November 21st label onto it and stacked it back in with the other tapes.

He was just about to pick up the switched tape when he heard footsteps outside. He hid quickly, and watched as two figures entered the room.

"The tapes for the police are right there, on the desk," Noah pointed at the stack. "Greg said he put in all the ones for November 21st and hopefully that will be enough to help out.

"Thanks, Noah, I'll get these over to the Chief so that she can review them. What about that tape right there,"

Noah spied the blank tape and frowned. "This one doesn't have a label, I wonder why it's here. I'll take care of it. Is there anything else I can do, Jack?" Noah picked up the tape and placed it in his bag. He held the keys to the room in his hand as he waited to see what Jack would say.

"No, that's it. You have a good day, Noah and keep an eye on my cousin for me."

"Yes sir. I'll let him know you are thinking about him when he gets here."

"The hearing is this morning right?"

"Yes, but he's coming in afterwards."

Jack left the room and Noah prepared to leave himself when he heard a noise.

"Who's there?" Noah asked looking around the room. "I know I heard something, if you're in here you better come out or I will call the police."

He gasped when the figure came out of his hiding space. "What are you doing in here," He asked crossing his arms. "And don't make u p some lame excuse about working, because if you were working you wouldn't have hidden."

"I hid because you startled me," Randy said smoothly. "I was just making sure the tapes were labeled properly and now that I am finished I can go."

"Why are you here, Randy? You are supposed to be at the courthouse."

"Why are you mad at me, Noah? I thought we were friends."

"Not even close, you jerk,"

"Oh, I see," Randy drew closer. "I guess I'm still the only one who has been able to get into Luke's pants. How unfortunate."

"Go to hell," Noah said brushing past Randy.

"Hey, Randy said grabbing his arm and turning him around to face him. You dropped these."

Noah didn't hear Randy speaking, nor did he see what he held in his hand. Noah was focused on the hand that held his arm…there was just something about that touch.

*Flash*

He was laying face down in the snow, his entire body hurt. He felt a hand on his arm as he was turned over. A man with blond hair was above him, frowning. "Luke"?" he asked as he tried to focus on the figure before him. He was fading, the blackness was closing in on him, but he needed to focus needed to communicate something to the man before it was too late. "Luke?" he called again trying to see those eyes…those blue eyes. That was the last thing he saw before all went dark.

*Flash*

The SUV was going way too fast. He swerved to avoid it and caught a glimpse of the driver in the bright light. Glass splintered and metal crushed as the SUV collided with the truck thrusting him out through the window. He flew through the air and landed on the ground, his face hitting the ground. The snow cushioned his fall slightly, and he couldn't move.

*flash*

"You won't even know I'm gone," he told Luke as he adjusted the duffel bag on his shoulder. He was smiling, after sharing his first kiss with Luke in a long while. He left the apartment and carefully made his way to his truck,. It was snowing heavily, and he had to wipe snow off the truck before he could get inside. The duffel bag was placed in the seat beside him, and he put on his seatbelt before he pulled out of the parking lot.

*Flash*

There were so many shirts…he hadn't realized the pile was that huge. His hand hit a bag and he pulled it out to see what it contained. Fabric…he wondered why there was torn fabric in the back of their closet. A pungent smell met his nose when he pulled the fragments out, realizing they were clothes…torn clothes…Luke's clothes.

*end flash*

Noah jerked his hand away and grabbed for the keys that Randy held in his hands. "You keep your hands off of me, Thompson, and I don't' want to see you near me or Luke ever again you understand?"

"Suit yourself," Randy said shrugging his shoulders as he backed away from Noah completely. Noah watched him leave and tried to catch his breath. His heart rate had increased and he could hear the pumping in his ears. He wished that Luke was there, but at the same time he was glad he wasn't. He couldn't tell Luke what he just figured out…not now on top of everything else. He had to tell someone though…the question was who.

He waited until he reached the office and collapsed in a chair before he pulled out his phone. His first instinct was as always to call Luke, but he knew he couldn't' do that at the moment. He dialed a number and waited for the person on the other end to answer the phone.

"Hello…you can't tell Luke what I'm about to tell you…I remember the car crash. I know who hit me. It was Randy."


	29. Chapter 29

"Noah," He said frantically shaking the body beside him. "Noah, please wake up…please you have to wake up. Don't do this to me, Noah, please." He had tears in his eyes as he tried harder to shake the man he loved. His body felt cold, but he didn't want to think about what that meant. He just wanted Noah to open his eyes; he needed him to be okay. "God Noah, please, you can't be gone."

"It's over Luke," another voice informed him. Luke turned and found himself facing cold blue eyes…they looked even more sinister in the dark. "Noah's gone and you belong to me."

Luke turned away from that gaze; focusing on the limp body of his husband…he was so cold and lifeless. Tears filled Luke's eyes as he touched him again. "Noah," he said his voice cracking. "God Noah I need you why did you leave me?"

"I see Noah enjoyed the mushrooms," Randy said coming closer. "They contained just the right amount of poison. He can't hear you Luke, you belong to me now."

"No, you stay away from me," Luke yelled. He cradled Noah in his arms and tried to warm him up. He just did not believe he was gone. "Noah." he said rocking the body back and forth as if somehow he could will him to return to his body. "Please don't leave me."

"It's time to let go, Luke. I told you I would have you in the end."

Noah disappeared, as if he had been an apparition, and Randy advanced, and all Luke could think to do was scream. "NOAH!" 

He woke with a start, his breathing fast as he tried to gasp for breath. Quickly he looked around, realizing immediately that he was in his bedroom. He felt arms wrap tightly around him and he started to cry.

"What's wrong?" Noah asked waking and trying immediately to soothe Luke.

"I can't do this." Luke said trying to regain his composure. "I can't do this Noah, I can't."

Noah didn't have to ask him what he was talking about, but he was concerned that Luke seemed so visibly shaken. He moved to sit up and pulled Luke into his embrace, trying his best to do away with the endless stream of tears. He turned Luke until he was facing him, and he cupped his face in his hands, kissing his cheeks and his eyelids before pressing his lips against Luke's soft ones.

Luke started to calm down when Noah's lips touched his and the tears stopped falling. He rested his forehead against Noah's and let it rest there. Silence reigned and Luke was grateful for the moment of reprieve. He could tell by the look in Noah's eyes that he was scaring him, and he didn't blame his husband either. Sometimes he even scared himself.

"Now," Noah said his voice calm and soothing. "Can you tell me what happened?"

"It was just another bad dream." Luke said pulling away and moving to get out of bed.

"Don't do that," Noah replied softly. "Don't downplay your feelings because you don't want to burden me. You know I'm here for you, and if you hide things from me it makes me worry."

"I know," Luke answered. He was sitting on the edge of the bed, his head down as he tried to rationalize things in his head.

"What can't you do, Luke?"

"I can't take him to court, Noah. I can't do it."

"Why?"

"Because I don't want to lose you…and if I do this then I'm going to lose you."

"Ummm, Luke," Noah said coming to sit by his husband's side. "How did you come to that conclusion?"

"They aren't going to believe me," Luke said shaking his head. "They aren't going to believe my story and Randy is going to exact his revenge and he's going to hurt you. I can't let that happen."

"Calm down, Luke," Noah said placing a hand on his shoulder. "Look at me." Luke raised his head and looked into his husband's concerned blue eyes. "Good, that's better," Noah soothed. "First of all, I really think the judge is going to believe you."

"You don't know that."

"I do," Noah countered, keeping his tone soft. With the clothes and your testimony I don't know how anyone could not believe you. And secondly, I am a big boy. Randy is not going to hurt me, Luke. The only way he could hurt me is if he hurts you again, and I don't want to see that happen."

Luke shook his head. "You don't understand, Noah and I don't know how to make you understand. I don't want to wake up one day and realize that I can't wake you up. That freaks me out to no end."

"That would freak me out too," Noah frowned. "I'm assuming you are referring to your nightmares right?"

Luke nodded, and bit his bottom lip.

"You've been having them since last week, haven't you?"

"Yes."

Noah placed his hands on Luke's shoulders, his eyes serious as he looked at him. "None of us are guaranteed tomorrow, Luke," he said solemnly, "but I will guarantee you this for as long as I have on this earth, I will be right here beside you. I'm not going anywhere."

"You think I'm crazy for being scared," Luke challenged. "Is that what you think?"

"I don't think you're crazy for being scared," Noah protested gently. "Don't put words into my mouth, Luke. I'm on your side here."

"Sorry," Luke said his voice barely a whisper."

"No apologies," Noah said lifting Luke's chin, his thumb caressing it lovingly. "I just want you to realize that if you don't go to court and go through with this, then you will always be watching over your shoulder…looking for him. I don't want that for you. I also don't want you to put me first this time. I would be devastated if something happened to you again, and if we don't put this bastard away then he may try again."

Luke involuntarily shuddered and let his head rest against Noah's again. He closed his eyes trying to draw strength from Noah's touch. He would need that today. He knew Noah was right…he knew he had to do this. He couldn't let Randy get away with what he had done.

"Come on," Noah said kissing him softly before moving away completely. "It's time to get ready; we have a long day ahead of us."

Luke allowed himself to be pushed into the bathroom before turning to swat Noah away. He gave him a kiss and thanked him again for putting up with him.

"Thank you," Noah retorted. "I haven't exactly made these past two months easy for you. Thank you for loving me, Luke."

"Ditto," Luke said placing a hand on Noah's cheek. "Now go make me breakfast."

He could hear Noah's laughter through the door and it made him smile. He hoped that was a good sign…maybe the day wouldn't be so bad after all.

"He was nervous; so much so that he couldn't keep his hands from shaking. Noah seemed so relaxed and calm…he wished he could do that, he wanted to. In just under an hour he would be sitting in a courtroom full of people talking about something he would much rather forget. The plus side to that, as Noah kept telling him was that when this was all over he could take his life back…five months later he would finally be able to close the book on this…at least he hoped so.

"Let me do that," Noah said taking the tie from his hands.

"That's usually my job," he said as he watched Noah's fingers work the knot.

"Let me know if it's too tight," Noah said pinning him with that intense sapphire gaze.

"Okay," Luke said his voice taking on a nostalgic quality.

"What's wrong?" Noah asked finishing with Luke's tie.

"Nothing," Luke said placing his hands on Noah's chest. "Nothing at all."

Noah's hand instinctively found the back of Luke's neck as their lips connected for a soft sensual kiss. He could get lost in these moments. Noah's kiss…their kiss was an intricate mix of passion and love. There was a balance of need and want, a melding of weakness and strength that gave him the courage he needed to get through this day.

Silence reigned as they made their way to the courthouse. Noah was driving; he had insisted…he didn't think Luke needed to drive today…not when he was so nervous. As it was, Luke held his hand tightly, as he maneuvered the car through the streets of Oakdale. Everyone was assembled at the courthouse when they arrived. James was there, with Maddie standing close by. Holden and Aaron were there, and Ali was holding Aaron's hand. She let go long enough to give Luke and Noah a hug. Maddie hugged her friends too, and James placed a comforting hand on Luke's shoulder.

He was glad to see everyone there to support him, but he couldn't help but notice who wasn't there. His dad and his brother were both present…but his mother was not. He wasn't sure why that bothered him so much but it did. He tried not to think about it, but it was like a slap in the face…and it stung.

"Wipe that frown off your face, Darling!" He turned around at the sound of the voice and was pleasantly surprised to see who was being wheeled toward him.

"Grandma," he said letting go of Noah long enough to pull the woman into a hug. "What are you doing here? Should you be out of the hospital?"

"Nothing short of death is going to keep me away when my grandson needs me, Darling," Lucinda exclaimed placing a hand on Luke's cheek. "Hello Dear," she said turning her attention to Noah.

"Grandma," Luke sighed, don't say things like that…especially today okay?"

"I have to agree with Luke this time, Lucinda," Noah said taking a hold of Luke's hand again. It is good to see you here though; Luke can use all the support he can get."

"Did you talk to Mom?" Luke asked, not sure why he was even cared.

"No, no Darling I didn't," Lucinda said frowning. "She's not here? Oh dear," she mumbled as she watched her two grandsons shake their heads. "That just won't do. I will give her a call, Darling. You don't worry just remember that we're here for you."

"Yes, Grandma…and don't worry about Mom. I guess she just doesn't want to be here."

"Nonsense," Lucinda said as she dug into her bag for her phone. "We'll get this settled right now." Luke and Noah watched as she dialed the phone and placed it to her ear. "Hello, Darling it's your mother…well I am royally pissed pussy cat and I want you to tell me why you aren't here when your son needs you. Poppycock! You have no excuse and I must insist, I insist that you get down here and support Luke with the rest of us…do you hear me. See you soon darling. Mwah."

Noah was impressed and he squeezed Luke's hand as he beamed at Lucinda, who he was beginning to think of as his own grandmother.

"I think it's time for us to go in," Lucinda said closing her phone. "Would you mind pushing me into the courtroom darling?" she asked reaching out for Noah's hand. She touched Luke's hand as well and gave it a squeeze. "Don't worry about your mother, if she knows what is good for her she will show up…and you are going to do fine, darling. Just go in there and tell the truth. We're your family we won't think any differently of you."

"Luke it's time to go in," Holden said coming over to the group. He leaned down to give Lucinda a kiss on the cheek. "It's good to see you up and about."

Lucinda patted Holden's hand as Noah took a moment to give Luke one last kiss.

"I'll be sitting right behind you," he said as they broke from the embrace. And when you are up on the stand…just look right at me, okay?"

Luke nodded as Noah's hand caressed his cheek. This was it…it all began now.

The seconds seemed to crawl by as he waited for the bailiff to call order to the court. Every other minute he would glance back toward the door to see if his mom would show up, but the doors to the courtroom didn't open again. His eyes locked with Noah's, and his husband mouthed the words "I love you" to him. Luke mouthed them back and just drank in that gaze…he took huge gulps of the strength and faith he saw there and he tried not to be too scared.

"All rise," Zachary Walker the Bailiff said in his booming voice. Luke lifted himself out of his chair and faced forward. Tom placed a hand on his shoulder and gave it a squeeze. Even the Hughes family was there to lend their support. Henry and Vienna had closed Al's to be there…everyone seemed to be present except for the one person who should be. "Order in the court," the bailiff's voice shattered through his thoughts, "This court is now in session, honorable Judge Newcomb presiding."

Luke held his breath as the judge walked out. Tom had informed him that Judge Newcomb was a very sympathetic judge, but Luke was still wary. The judge had a kind face, and sensitive eyes He stood in front of his seat and made eye contact directly with Luke.

"Please be seated," Judge Newcomb said his voice commanding obedience. Luke released the breath he had been holding and took his seat. He chanced a glance at Noah who smiled encouragingly at him. Once again he faced forward and waited for the bailiff to speak.

"This is the case of the State of Illinois VS Randy Thompson," Bailiff Walker announced as the judge took his seat and started shifting papers. Tom was called to give his opening statement, letting the judge, the jury and all the occupants of the courtroom know what he was going to prove beyond a reasonable doubt. It seemed like Tom droned on for hours even though it could have only been a few minutes. He was in awe of Tom…it was no wonder why he was the District Attorney. Hearing him speak made Luke feel very confident about the case; if they just presented the evidence and he told his story then maybe this nightmare could be over.

Once Tom took his seat beside Luke, Ralph Simpson, Randy's lawyer, made his opening statement. Luke tried not to flinch as he painted the picture of a love affair gone wrong. He was painted as the unfaithful lover who made promises never kept. A liar who would say anything to stay in good graces with man he was cheating on. Just listening to the words made Luke feel unclean and he wanted to sink down under the seat.

He felt a hand on his shoulder and turned to find loving blue eyes boring into his soul. Noah was his beacon…his anchor, and once again he drank of the strength those eyes provided. Randy's lawyer painted his client as a good guy who didn't deserve to be treated like a criminal, and he told the court that he would prove today that Luke was using his claim as an excuse.

"Mr. Hughes," Judge Newcomb said, grabbing Luke's attention. "You may begin to present your case."

Tom stood and walked to the bench. "Thank you, Your Honor. At this time the prosecution would like to call its first witness. I call Luke Snyder to the stand."

Luke took a deep breath and stood, his feet mechanically moving one foot in front of the other, as he made his way up to the stand. The walk seemed to take an hour, even though it was barely a minute before he was resting his hand on the bible and the Bailiff was swearing him in.

"I swear," he said his voice as thick as molasses. He allowed his eyes to travel around the courtroom taking in all the faces of those there to support him. His eyes landed on Noah last and held there…this is where he needed to be looking.

"Mr. Snyder, could you please state your name for the court," Bailiff Walker asked.

"Luciano Eduardo Snyder."

"Mr. Snyder, you may be seated." Luke nodded and took a seat, the knot in his stomach twisting tight as he waited for Tom to start.

"Your name is Luciano?" Tom asked as he approached.

"Yes, Luciano," Luke replied. Most everyone calls me Luke."

.

"Luke, can you tell the court how you came to be acquainted with Mr. Thompson."

"I met him on August 20, 2007. He came on staff at WOAK as an intern, Luke explained.

"And what was your relationship with Mr. Thompson."

"I was his friend, sir."

"Did your relationship with Mr. Thompson ever progress past friendship?" Tom asked.

"He wanted it to," Luke admitted honestly. "I was never romantically interested in him. I just wanted to be his friend."

"Were there any times during your friendship with Mr. Thompson that you were uncomfortable in his presence?"

"Uncomfortable in what way?" Luke asked frowning. "I was uneasy sometimes…but I don't know if I can say I was uncomfortable per se."

As Tom continued his questioning the doors to the courtroom opened and Luke looked up just in time to see his mother enter the room. It could have been just his imagination, but it seemed like a rush of cold air entered with her, and she took her seat on the right side of the courtroom, her eyes never meeting his.

"Can you tell us what happened on the night in question?" Tom asked bringing Luke's attention back to him.

"I was raped," he said steeling his spine, and looking directly at Noah

"Luke," Tom said gently. "I'm going to need you to walk me through the events of the evening, leading up to the event in question. Can you tell me how the evening started?"

"Okay," Luke said biting his lip. He closed his eyes for a moment, and took a deep breath. "My Husband and I were throwing a dinner party for our friends"

"And your husband is Noah Mayer?" Tom asked.

"Yes, Sir."

"Very good. Can you tell me who was at your dinner party that evening?"

Luke nodded. Our friend Maddie was there and she brought her boyfriend James. Randy was there too."

"Anyone else?"

"No."

"Excellent," Tom said walking up close to the stand. "Did anything happen during the course of the dinner party that you were not expecting?"

"It was raining that night," Luke recalled, "And my dad had called to say there would be an electric storm. Around 5:30, after everyone had arrived there was a blackout."

"Did something happen during the blackout that caused you to leave your apartment that evening?"

"Randy and my husband got into an altercation. I saw them fighting, just as the lights came back on, and I fought with Noah about it after the guests left."

"So you left your apartment after the altercation with Randy and Noah."

"Yes sir."

"Where did you go when you left your apartment?"

"I went to WOAK."

"Did you ask anyone to meet you there?"

"No sir."

"So no one knew you were going to WOAK that evening? "

"Noah knew where I was going," Luke explained.

"Did you speak with anyone on the phone after you left your apartment?"

"Yes," Luke answered truthfully.

"Who did you speak with on the phone, Luke?"

"My brother, Aaron called to apologize for not making it to the party."

"Is Aaron here today, Luke?"

"Yes, sir he's sitting right there," Luke pointed Aaron out in the crowd."

"Did you mention what had happened during the dinner party to your brother, when you spoke with him?"

"Yes sir. He knew I was upset, so I explained why the party had broken up early."

"Did you speak with anyone else that evening?"

"I spoke to Randy at the station."

"On the phone or in person?"

"In person"

"So am I right to assume, Luke, that you arrived at the station first?"

"Yes, sir. I was there first."

"Why was Mr. Thompson at WOAK?"

"He said that Katie had asked him to check on something."

"Is Katie in this courtroom today?"

"Yes sir."

Can you point her out for me?"

Luke looked around the courtroom until he spotted Katie sitting in the gallery. She had a solemn look on her face as she sat between Margo and Brad. "She's sitting right there."

"Ladies and gentlemen please note that the witness has identified Ms. Katie Peretti. Now, Luke, was it normal practice for Ms. Peretti to ask Mr. Thompson to check things at the last minute?"

"Randy and I usually worked late on Wednesday nights," Luke responded, "but we were both actually supposed to be off that night. Normally, Randy would check the tapes to make sure they were ready for the next day's show."

"Okay Luke," Tom said keeping his tone soft, "I know this is going to be very painful for you, but I need for you to tell the court exactly what happened after Mr. Thompson arrived at WOAK."

Luke swallowed and sought out Noah's eyes again. Up until this point the questions had been easy and simplistic. Now it was time to play hardball.

"I was working on a project when he came in," he started, not taking his eyes off of Noah. "Randy told me why he was there, and I apologized for what had occurred earlier. He noticed that I was upset, and he gave me a hug. I…I hugged him back, because I really needed a friend at the moment. And that's when he kissed me."

"What did you do in response to Mr. Thompson's kiss?" Tom asked.

"I pushed him away and asked him what he thought he was doing."

"What happened after you pushed Mr. Thompson away?"

Luke took another deep breath before continuing. "He said he was giving me what Noah couldn't and it was time for me to stop playing this game," Luke answered his voice barely above a whisper. "He said I owed him for being so patient while Noah broke my heart time and time again."

"What did he mean by that Luke?"

"I don't know," Luke frowned.

"So you have no idea what game Mr. Thompson thought you were playing and what you owed him for?"

"I love my husband, sir. I have never played any games with Mr. Thompson."

Noah smiled, trying to give Luke as much encouragement as he could. He knew this was hard for him having to share this story yet again. He only hoped that when this was over, Luke could finally put all of this to rest.

"I tried to protest," Luke said continuing his story. "I told him I owed him nothing, but he wouldn't listen to me. He kissed me again."

"Then what happened, Luke?"

"I pushed him away again, and told him this was wrong. He kept insisting it wasn't…that what he felt for me was real, and he was sure I would feel it too if I just gave in to it. He tried to tell me that Noah wasn't right for me and never had been."

He was starting to get lost in the memories, no matter how hard he tried not to. Noah's eyes were on him…as well as everyone else's. You could hear a pin drop in the courtroom, it was so quiet.

"Keep going, Luke," Tom encouraged. "What happened next? Tell the court what you remember."

"I was going to go home," Luke said finding his voice again, as the scene played out in his head. "I told him I loved Noah, and I was going to go home to him…but he wouldn't let me leave. I tried to leave and he grabbed me. I told him to let go, and I told him he was scaring me. I just wanted to go home," he said trembling despite himself. "But he wouldn't let me leave."

"Luke, you're doing great. Did Mr. Thompson physically restrain you from leaving the building?"

"Yes….he held me by the arm and he wouldn't let go."

"Then what happened, Luke. Did you try to get away from Mr. Thompson?"

"I tried," Luke admitted. "But he's a lot taller and stronger then I am."

"You look to be about the same build as my son, Luke. I wouldn't necessarily think of you as weak," Tom observed. "Could you explain that to us?"

"I was…I was still recovering at the time so I wasn't at my normal strength."

"Were you sick?" Tom continued his questioning. "What were you recovering from?"

"I was still recovering from an infection that had developed in my transplanted kidney. I had only been out of the hospital a week, and I was still on advisement to take it easy because my full strength hadn't returned."

"Okay, Luke did Mr. Thompson do anything else to you that evening?" Tom asked, steering the questioning back on track.

"He touched me," Luke admitted. He could see the scene clearly in his mind's eye and he could feel those hands…they made him feel dirty all over again. "He held me tight and kissed me, forcing his tongue down my throat…and his hands." Luke shuddered. "His hands roamed over my body, like he owned it… he ripped my shirt, and pulled me down to the floor. He pinned me there and ripped my jeans." Luke squeezed his eyes tight as if by doing so he could block out the images that were intruding on his brain. "He squeezed and touched and ripped and told me that I would forget all about Noah once he was through." Luke opened his eyes. "And he entered me."

Tom frowned, knowing that he was about to ask something difficult. "Can you be more specific Luke? What happened?"

Luke bit his lip; no matter how many times Tom has prepared him for this…he still didn't want to say it…but he had to. "There was anal penetration," he said his voice shaky…he forced himself inside my…my body."

"Luke, you are doing great." Tom soothed, "And I know this is very difficult for you. Is there anything else you need to tell us about what happened on the night in question?"

"It happened three times," Luke said once again his eyes on Noah. "I blacked out at some point during the third time and when I woke up he was gone."

"What did you do then, Luke? Did you go home?"

"I curled myself up in a ball and cried first," Luke explained. "And then when I couldn't cry anymore, I went home."

"Why didn't you go to the police Luke?"

Luke shook his head, and realized too late that there were tears in his eyes. "I wasn't thinking logically that night, sir. I just wanted to go home. No police, no hospital…I didn't want to be questioned, I didn't want to be touched I just didn't want to deal with it….I couldn't."

"Luke, what did you do with the clothes you were wearing that night?" Tom asked, trying to soothe Luke with his voice.

Luke tried to compose himself and wiped the tears from his eyes. "I placed them in a bag and hid them in the back of the closet in my bedroom."

At this point Tom picked up a duffel bag and placed it on the desk. "Your Honor," He said turning to face the judge, "I'd like to enter this duffel bag containing the clothing that Luke Snyder was wearing that night as Prosecution Exhibit A. I also have pictures of the bruising Luke suffered. We'll call them Exhibit B," he said as he passed the pictures to the bailiff. We'll call those Exhibit B."

"Mr. Simpson, any objections?" Judge Newcomb asked.

"No objections," The lawyer stated, barely looking up.

"So Ordered," the judge said. "You may continue, Mr. Hughes.

"Are these the clothes?" Tom asked pulling out a clear evidence bag that contained the red and blue remnants of cloth.

"Yes sir," Luke said, his stomach churning at the sight of those garments. "That is what was left of them." His eyes lingered on the duffel bag and he froze. He never wanted to see that bag or those clothes again. His eyes remained focused on the bag for a moment before moving past it. Noah was directly in his line of sight. He was leaning forward, his arms resting on the gallery rail. He had that beautiful closed mouth smile on his face, and he was nodding slowly. Luke took strength from Noah's actions.

"Can you tell us how these clothes came to be in the possession of the Oakdale Police Department?" Tom brought Luke's attention back to the case.

"The clothes were found at the scene of an accident."

"Can you explain that, Luke?"

"Noah found the clothes and he took them out of the apartment. And then he was in an accident…and the clothes were found in the wreckage."

"Now you said Noah was in an accident. Was he injured in that accident?"

"He was in a coma for two months."

"When he woke up were there any long-term effects from his coma?"

"He has amnesia."

"What finally led you to go to the police Luke?"

"I hadn't seen or heard from Randy for two months, but the day after Noah came home from the hospital, Randy and my mom came for a visit. After that day Randy started hanging round Noah and he gave Noah some advice that Noah unfortunately followed."

"What advice was that, Luke?"

He could tell that the entire courtroom was waiting with baited breath to hear what he had to say. He also knew that the answer was probably not what they were expecting. "He told Noah that if he wanted me he had to be forceful, and dominant," Luke explained. "He led Noah to believe that I like it rough, and that I wanted to be pinned down and taken by force. Noah tried that, and I completely freaked. He had me pinned down on the floor, but I was able to push him away and I told him to…to stay away from me, and I locked myself in our bedroom and called James. I was so scared," Luke said his voice cracking with emotion. "James came over and we talked about it, and he helped me to realize that it wasn't Noah I was scared of, it was the act itself. James convinced me to talk to Noah, and once I heard his side of things I realized that I was partly responsible for him being misled. I realized then that it was partly my fault Noah was misled and I decided that I needed to come forth, because I didn't want Randy to hurt Noah like that again."

"Anything else you want to add to what you have said, Luke?"

"No sir, I think that's everything."

"Thank you, Luke. No further questions your honor."

He could see the shock written on all of their faces. There was sadness there as well, and the women were crying…most of them. He dared to allow his eyes to seek out his mother. She stood from her seat as he watched her, and excused herself from the room. The door closing sounded so final…to Luke it was another shot to his already wounded heart. Now it was the Defense attorney's turn to take a crack at him.

"Let's take a fifteen minute recess," Judge Newcomb announced startling Luke out of his daze. Luke you may step down. He struck the desk with his gavel and left the bench. Luke moved slowly off the stand and back toward the table where Tom was standing. The older man placed a hand on his shoulder to steady him and asked him if he was okay.

"I…I think I'm going to be sick," Luke said as he saw Noah moving in his direction. He fell into Noah's arms and held on tightly as Noah soothed him with kisses and touches.

"Come on," Noah said after a few minutes. "Maybe a restroom break and some water will help you feel better. You did good up there."

"Are you okay?" Luke asked as they walked out of the courtroom together. "I know that couldn't have been easy for you to hear."

"Don't worry about me, Luke…I will be okay. Are you going to be okay getting back on the stand?"

"I don't really have much choice," Luke sighed reluctantly.


	30. Chapter 30

Fifteen minutes later they were back in the courtroom. Luke was back on the stand.

"Court is now in session," Bailiff Walker announced as everyone settled back in their seats.

"Mr. Snyder you are still under oath," Judge Newcomb reminded the court. "Mr. Simpson it's your turn to question this witness."

"Thank you, Your Honor," Mr. Simpson said standing. He walked up to the stand and put his hands behind his back, focusing his full attention squarely on Luke. "Mr. Snyder, you said your relationship with my client was that of a friend, but did you and he ever date during the course of your friendship."

"We did hang out once but it was hardly a date." Luke responded.

"So you are saying that you never led Mr. Thompson to believe that you would enter a relationship with him?"

"I did flirt with him," Luke admitted. "But I never led him to believe we could be anything more than friends."

"Mr. Snyder was there ever a time in your relationship that you went to Mr. Thompson for a sympathetic ear when you were having trouble in your relationship with Mr. Mayer."

"There wasn't trouble, per se," Luke said frowning.

"What would you call it then, Mr. Snyder? Is it not true that you came to Mr. Thompson looking for a shoulder to cry on about your husband?"

"I needed a friend to talk to," Luke explained. "I didn't cry on anyone's shoulder I just needed to reason something out."

"Isn't it true that your husband before his accident strongly disliked Mr. Thompson, and asked you to stay away from him?"

"No, Noah never specifically told me to stay away from Randy. He admittedly didn't like him, but he tolerated him for my sake."

"On the night in question, why did Mr. Mayer punch my client in the face?"

"I…I don't know."

"So your husband punched my client in the face, in your home and you didn't want to find out why? That sounds very cold-hearted, Mr. Snyder."

"I am a lot of things, Mr. Simpson," Luke defended, "but cold-hearted is not one of them. As a matter of fact I did say something. I wanted to know what had happened, and I also needed to talk to Noah. I asked everyone to go home, and Noah and I had an argument."

"Then you left your apartment and went to work, that doesn't sound like a very typical response to what happened. Why when Mr. Thompson found you at WOAK did you go to him?"

"That's not what happened." Luke blurted out defensively.

"So you say," Mr. Simpson charged, "however, my client tells a far different story.. Isn't this entire charge against my client your way of getting back into the good graces of your husband after you were caught with my client?"

"No."

Noah frowned from his seat in the gallery. Luke was looking pale, and he was starting to wonder if they should stop the questioning. He wanted to ask Holden and James what they thought, but at the same time he didn't want to take his eyes off of Luke. He leaned forward and whispered in Tom's ear. Tom assured him that he would stop things if they got too intense.

Meanwhile back at the witness stand, Mr. Simpson continued his questioning. "Oh come on Mr. Snyder, you expect the court to believe that you waited all this time to bring forth these charges, and that it has nothing to do with winning back your husband and trying to assuage your own guilt."

Luke bit his lip. "I have nothing to prove to Noah."

"Mr. Snyder, you are aware that your mother provided the bail money for Mr. Thompson. To me that says your own mother doesn't believe your story, why should this court."

"I object," Tom said, jumping to his feet. "That is improper cross examination and an unfair question for this witness."

"Objection overruled," the Judge replied coldly. "Answer the question, Son."

Luke tried not to react to the question, but inside his heart was breaking. Of all the things to bring up he had to use that. He swallowed and looked the lawyer right in the eye as he gave his answer. He was not going to be intimidated. "Because it's true, Mr. Simpson. I pride myself on being honest and I have no reason to lie to anyone."

Noah, Holden, James and Lucinda all smiled at that response. Maddie gave her friend the thumbs up sign, and silently prayed that this would be over soon.

"Well Mr. Snyder," Randy's lawyer said crossing his arms, "I find your story very suspect and I think that this court will as well. You have provided no firm evidence that the intercourse between you and Mr. Thompson was anything but consensual."

"Objection, Your Honor," Tom yelled, jumping to his feet again. The Defense Attorney is giving his closing summation to the jury."

"Objection sustained," the judge ruled.

I have no further questions at this time Your Honor," Mr. Simpson said, returning to his desk.

"You May step down, Mr. Snyder. Mr. Hughes your next witness please?"

Luke walked away from the stand with his head down. This was not going well. "You're doing fine, Luke," Tom assured him as he went back to the front of the courtroom. Luke took his seat and took comfort in Noah's hand on his shoulder. He didn't look back though, he couldn't. He just stared straight ahead.

"The Prosecution calls Noah Mayer to the stand."

Noah stood and made his way up to the front. He immediately locked eyes with Luke as he was sworn in, and soon he was waiting for the questioning to begin. Luke started chewing on his lip, he was nervous, and he hoped the Tom and Mr. Simpson would go easy on Noah.

"Please state your full name for the record, Mr. Mayer."

"Um…" Noah frowned. "I'm sorry, I actually only know that's its Noah Mayer, sir. I don't know if I have a middle name or not."

"That's fine, Noah," Tom said gently. "Can you describe for the court your relationship with Mr. Snyder?"

"He's my husband, and I love him."

"And your relationship with Mr. Thompson, how would you describe it?"

"I honestly don't know sir. I get the feeling that I didn't like him very much, even though he told me that we were good friends."

"Noah, can you help the court to understand? You have amnesia but you are working with a therapist trying to recover your memories correct?"

"Yes sir."

"Have you recovered any memories of the night in question, Noah?"

"I remember fighting with Luke…we were arguing right before he ran out. It…it was my fault he ran out like that."

"Do you remember what you and Luke were fighting about, Noah?"

"He asked me why I hit Randy, and I accused him of cheating on me."

"Do you remember anything of the night in question after Luke returned home?"

"No sir."

"Thank you Noah. Nothing further, Your Honor."

"Mr. Simpson, your witness."

"Thank you Your Honor," Mr. Simpson said standing from his seat. "Mr. Mayer, do you have memory of how the clothes that were found in your wrecked vehicle came to be in your possession?"

"I found them in the back of our closet, under a mound of shirts. " Noah replied. "It looked like a bag of rags, and when I realized they were Luke's clothes I put them in a duffel bag and took them with me."

"What were you planning to do with those clothes, Mr. Mayer?"

"I don't know," Noah shook his head. "I just wanted to get them out of Luke's sights."

"So you found these clothes in your closet, that your husband was wearing on the night in question, and you stuffed them in a duffel bag, and left your apartment to get them away from Mr. Snyder."

"Yes sir."

"Your accident happened on Christmas day, so why is it that Mr. Snyder waited until now to bring these charges forth?"

"Objection, Your Honor," Tom said. "Mr. Mayer cannot testify to the thoughts of Mr. Snyder"

"Objection overruled," the judge ruled. "Answer the question."

"Luke tends to worry about other people first," Noah said truthfully. "I don't recall much of our early history, but he told me that after the accident he was always by my bedside…worrying about me."

"Mr. Mayer is it true that you are completely dependent on Mr. Snyder to help fill in your memories and thus his view of things is the only one you know?"

"No, that's not true," Noah clarified. "Luke doesn't tell me things; he just guides me to figuring things out. I have remembered things on my own."

"Have you remembered what you and Mr. Thompson were fighting about on the night in question that led to Mr. Snyder leaving the apartment?"

"Luke left because of me, not because of Randy. I don't remember why I hit him though. Luke and I weren't communicating properly that night…and that was why he left."

Mr. Simpson turned and addressed the judge. "Sidebar, Your Honor."

The judge waved both attorneys up to the bench, out of earshot of the jury.

"Your Honor," Mr. Simpson began, "I ask the court to disregard Mr. Mayer's testimony in its entirety. Due to the memory loss, everything he has said is suspect."

"I object your honor," Tom said. "Dr. Webber will attest to the fact that Noah has made great strides in his therapy and that his memories are his own."

"Your Honor," Mr. Simpson countered, "these memories are still suspect as we are not getting the entire story, because he can't remember it."

'Motion denied Mr. Simpson," Judge Newcomb said after a moment's thought. "From what I can tell, Mr. Mayer is recalling things to the best of his ability. Are you finished with the witness, Mr. Simpson?"

"Yes, Your Honor."

"Mr. Mayer you can step down," The Judge said, turning toward Noah, his tone gentle but authoritative.

Noah nodded and returned to his seat. Tom stood and returned to the front of the court room.

"I love you," Luke whispered to Noah as he reached for his hand. "You did good."

"I love you too," Noah said kissing his hand. Luke managed a smile and turned back to the front, ready for Tom to continue the case.

"The prosecution calls Detective Margo Hughes to the stand." Margo came up and took her seat after being sworn in. As the Chief of police she was far too used to courtrooms, and way too used to being questioned by her husband. "Chief Hughes, can you please tell the court how you became involved in the case initially?"

"Back in January, when the forensics lab came back with the results from the DNA tests, we had run on the clothes found at the scene of Noah Mayer's crash. At the time the Oakdale Police Department was not aware of how serious this case really was."

"And can you tell us the results of that DNA testing." Tom inquired.

"There were three sets of finger prints and three semen samples."

"Were they able to identify those samples?"

"They were able to identify that one set each belonged to Mr. Mayer. We went to the hospital to find out more information, and that is where we learned that Luke was the owner of the clothes, and therefore one set of prints belonged to him."

"And the third set of prints, and semen?"

"The third set belongs to Randy Thompson."

"How were you able to identify Mr. Thompson's DNA?"

"Luke Snyder came into the station on February 14th, and revealed that the third set of prints belonged to Mr. Thompson. He also revealed that the semen was Mr. Thompson's as well, and he explained his story to me. We thankfully had a sample to test against the clothes to see if Mr. Thompson's DNA was indeed that on the clothes. That along with Mr. Thompson's own testimony was enough to issue a warrant and arrest him."

"Thank you, Chief Hughes. No further questions Your Honor."

"Your witness Mr. Simpson?"

"Chief Hughes is it possible that you have allowed your past experience with rape cloud your judgment in this case."

'Objection your honor," Tom exclaimed.

"It's okay Tom, I'll answer the question," Margo said, looking her husband straight in the eye for a moment, before focusing on Mr. Simpson. "To answer your question Mr. Simpson, I would be lying if I didn't say I hold this case close to my heart, because of the circumstances, notwithstanding the fact that the victim is a close family friend. But I have never let any of my personal experiences, nor the fact that I am a mother, cloud my judgment in any way shape or form, and I resent the fact that you would ask such a question. I have supplied the facts as they were given to me. Mr. Thompson's semen was found on Mr. Snyder's clothes…which for the record are ripped into shreds, not tm mention the residue of sweat that was found as well. And furthermore, Mr. Simpson I suggest you stick to the facts of the case as it pertains to your client's defense and stop digging into affairs you don't understand."

Tom hid a smile as Mr. Simpson stammered. He was very proud of his wife; she definitely knew how to hold her own in a courtroom.

"Chief Hughes, I'm just trying to show the court that you can't be an objective person on this case and thus anything my client may have said to you is suspect."

"Mr. Thompson's statement was recorded on tape so that should serve to prove that I did my job to the best of my ability. Furthermore, your client was very rude and disrespectful, and that will also show up in the recording Mr. Simpson. Now do you have any questions for me?"

"Nothing further Your Honor."

"The Prosecution calls Aaron Snyder to the stand," Tom announced as Margo reclaimed her seat. Aaron squeezed Ali's hand before heading up to the stand. He made eye contact with his brother as he was sworn in and gave him the thumbs up sign, letting him know everything would be alright.

"Mr. Snyder can you please state your name and relationship to Mr. Luke Snyder for the record?"

"My name is Aaron Snyder and Luke is my little brother."

"Mr. Snyder indicated that he spoke with you on the evening in question, is that correct?"

"Yes sir. I spoke to Luke that night."

"Can you recall what time you spoke with your brother?"

"It was just after seven when I called to apologize for not making it to dinner."

"Why weren't you able to make it to dinner?" Tom inquired.

"I didn't think it was safe to ride my motorcycle in a thunderstorm. Ali was working late, and I didn't want to take her car and strand her at the hospital."

"Okay, and when you talked to Luke did he mention the argument he had with Noah or Mr. Thompson in any way?"

"He told me it was okay because the party was a bust anyway. He sounded dejected so I asked him what had happened and he told me about Noah hitting Randy. I asked my brother if he was upset that Noah hit Randy, and he said no because Randy probably deserved it. But he was angry at Noah indirectly because the altercation happened when it did."

"Did Luke tell you where he was going when you spoke with him?"

"Yes, he told me he was going to work."

"Did Luke say whether he planned to meet with Mr. Thompson that evening?"

"No sir. He just said he was going to work, and he said he'd talk to me later."

"Thank you Aaron, Nothing further, Your Honor."

"Your witness, Mr. Simpson."

"No questions for this witness at this time, Your Honor."

"You can step down, Mr. Snyder. Mr. Hughes do you have any more witnesses?"

"Yes, Your Honor. The Prosecution calls Madeline Coleman to the stand."

Luke watched Maddie share a hug with James before she made her way to the stand. "Madeline Coleman, do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help you god?"

"I do," Maddie responded to the Bailiff's question.

"Please state your name."

"Madeline Coleman"

You may be seated."

"Maddie, can you please tell the court your relationship with Mr. Snyder," Tom asked."

"Luke and I have been best friends for a while now. We went to high school together and we also worked together at WOAK."

"How would you describe the relationship between Luke and Mr. Thompson?"

Maddie chewed on her lip for a moment as she thought about how to word her reply. "Luke was very nice to Randy when he came to work with us. They flirted a bit, but Luke never seemed interested in anything more than friendship with him. I didn't realize that right away, but it was apparent once I knew. I could tell that Randy seemed to like Luke a lot, but Luke wasn't interested."

"Did you ever see Mr. Thompson act out in any way towards Luke that led to concern for Luke's well being."

"Yes, sir."

"Can you tell the court about that incident please, Maddie?"

"On November 3rd the four of us were at Luke's grandmother's farm. He was teaching us how to ride horses. Randy made sure that Luke especially paid attention to him that day. I noticed the way Randy was looking at Luke, and at one point when Luke helped him off his horse he gave Luke a kiss right here," she said bringing her finger to the spot where her lips met her cheek.

"His lips lingered there for far too long, and it upset Luke and Noah. Noah pulled Luke into the barn for a private talk after that. We were all aware that Randy had a crush on Luke, but as far as Luke knew he had abandoned such notions when Luke and Noah started dating."

"Did you mention your concern to Luke or Noah?"

"I talked to Noah about it. We both agreed that we would keep an eye on the situation. Luke is very nice and he always sees the good in people…Noah and I felt that Randy was taking advantage of that."

"What can you tell us about the night in question?" Tom switched gears.

"That night we were all sitting in the living room having a good time, when Luke asked if we were ready for dinner. And at that time, Randy said that he didn't know about us, but he was ready for dessert. And when James and Luke reprimanded him about the statement, he followed it up by saying Noah would agree and he wanted extra whipped cream."

Luke put his head down, trying to hide his embarrassment. He remembered Randy saying those things, and he could recall how uncomfortable he had been that night.

Noah, for his credit was biting his lip, even as he watched Luke, and wished he could reach out to touch him. In his mind he was trying to match the words with his memories…trying to fit the pieces together to form coherent thoughts. He frowned as the memory came back to him. He was standing with Luke…and Maddie, James, and Randy were on the couch. Luke had pulled him into the kitchen and he had been frowning.

"What happened after that, Maddie?" Tom's voice drew Noah back to the present.

"It was at that point that Luke pulled Noah into the kitchen, and the lights went out sometime after that."

"Did you see Noah punch Mr. Thompson?"

"His fist was already making contact when the lights came back on. I came in from the bathroom and Luke and James entered from the kitchen."

"What did you do at that point?"

"James and I thought it would be best if we left. Luke agreed and said that he needed to talk to Noah. We said goodbye and left at that point.

"Did you speak to Mr. Snyder again that evening?"

"No"

"Did you see Luke in the days after that party?"

"No sir. Luke and I spoke off and on via telephone a few times but he had stopped coming to work and our school schedules were different so I didn't see him until almost four weeks later when he came to the station."

"What happened the day you saw Luke at the station?"

"When I saw Luke, he was running down the hall and he ran right past me. When I stopped him he turned and for a moment it looked like he was going to hit me. Then he realized it was me and started apologizing telling me that I should hate him and when I asked him why he practically collapsed in my arms…until he heard Noah call his name."

"What happened then, Maddie?"

"Well Luke tensed up and then he ran. So immediately I asked Noah what he did to him. That was when I realized that Noah had no idea what was up, but it was obvious that something was very wrong."

"Did you follow Luke to try and find out what was wrong?"

"Yes, after I talked to Noah," Maddie responded. "I found Luke in his car, and he was clutching his steering wheel tightly. He jumped when I knocked on the window. I went around to the passenger side of his car and when I opened the door to get in, Randy came over to me. I stood by the door for a few minutes talking to Randy, and Luke…he moved as close as he could to the door of his car without letting go of the steering wheel. When Randy tried to talk to him, Luke tried to press against the door even more, and he begged me to make him go away. So I told Randy I would speak with him later because I had to get Luke home. When Randy left I got in the car, and Luke um…he let go of the steering wheel and opened his car door and vomited in the parking lot."

"Did Luke ever explain his actions that afternoon?"

"Yes sir. We went back to my apartment and he explained everything to me over peppermint tea."

"Maddie, please tell the court what Luke told you that afternoon."

"First he explained what happened after we left that night. He explained that he had been upset with Noah because he hit Randy in front of company. And he felt very bad about that…Luke did a lot of blaming himself that afternoon as I listened to him. He said he had gone to the station that night, and he was working on something for Noah when Randy arrived. Luke apologized to him for what happened earlier, and Randy told him it was alright. Luke said that he had been crying and he hugged him. He told me that Randy tried to kiss him, and he pushed Randy away, and told him that wasn't going to happen. He said that Randy told him that he owed him for being patient and he kissed him again, and it was at that point in the story that Luke broke down and said that he just wanted him to stop, but he wouldn't stop. And by that point I had figured out what was wrong, because Luke's behavior reminded me of myself."

"Why is that Maddie," Tom inquired gently.

"A few years ago, I was raped," Maddie said her voice soft, "so I recognized Luke's reactions."

"Can you tell me about those reactions?"

"He was acting the same way that I had after I was attacked," Maddie admitted. "He was scared of his own shadow, and he didn't really like being touched. There was a lot of fear, and a lot of shame. I can remember feeling like I had done something wrong, and that was exactly how Luke felt. It's not something you ever forget, because your body won't let you."

A single tear slipped down Maddie's cheek as Luke listened to her testimony. He already knew about Maddie's experience with her brother in law, but to hear her talk about it…to hear her feelings on being a victim, it pulled at his heart strings. He felt like crying himself. She was describing his feelings completely. Even when this was over, he would never forget the violation…he just had to get past it.

Noah was riveted by Maddie's words and his heart went out to her. To him, Maddie and Luke were two of the bravest people he had ever known. It seemed like they had gone through so much and those experiences had made them strong…he wondered if he needed to remind them of that fact. He leaned forward to place his arms around Luke's neck. He just felt like he needed to be close to him in that moment, as they continued to listen to Maddie…their brave friend.

"Did Luke tell you who raped him?" Tom asked solemnly.

"I asked him who did this to him," Maddie replied. "He wouldn't tell me Randy's name, but I figured it out."

"How?" Tom asked.

"I asked him, point blank, if Randy had raped him…and the fear was back in his eyes."

"Thank you Maddie," Tom said giving her some tissues for her eyes. "Nothing further Your Honor." Before he returned to his seat Tom approached the stand and gave Maddie a hug. He still had a soft-spot in his heart for his son's former girlfriend, and he knew that had been hard for her.

"Ms. Coleman would you like a few moments before we proceed," the kind hearted judge asked.

"No, Your Honor, I'll be fine. I'd rather just get this over with."

"Very well," Judge Newcomb replied. "But if you need a moment you just tell me."

"Thank you, Your Honor," she said reaching for another tissue.

Noah held on to Luke tightly as tears ran down both sets of cheeks. Luke didn't have to see James or Henry to know that tears dotted their cheeks as well. It was hard to imagine that anyone could not be moved by Maddie's words. To Luke they had been so full of sadness and sorrow. For them they echoed deep in his soul for that was how he felt every day.

Noah pressed their cheeks together and Luke placed a hand on the side of Noah's face holding him there as they continued to watch Maddie. "I'm proud of her Luke," Noah whispered…"and I'm proud of you."

Fresh tears sprung to his eyes as he kissed Noah's cheek and let him go completely. These were happy tears, and he managed to smile a little. Noah's words…if only he knew just how much that one phrase meant to him, especially today.

Judge Newcomb handed Maddie another tissue before facing the court. Your witness, Mr. Simpson," He announced as Maddie dabbed at her eyes.

"Ms. Coleman," Mr. Simpson started, "would you say that Mr. Thompson did anything wrong the day Mr. Snyder saw him at the studio?"

"I didn't see Luke and Randy together sir; I can only go by Luke's actions and it was clear that he was running from someone….and the fact that he vomited after just being in Randy's presence I would have to say that Randy's presence bothered him."

"Nothing further Your Honor," Mr. Simpson said taking his seat.

"Mr. Hughes?"

"I have a couple more witnesses, Your Honor, but I believe it is time for a break."

"I agree with you Mr. Hughes," Judge Newcomb smiled. Ms. Coleman you may step down. And thank you for your testimony. The court will now recess for Lunch. In an hour we will resume

Testimony and continue until the end of the day.

"All rise:" Bailiff Walker said as the gavel sounded and Judge Newcomb left the bench. Luke stood and immediately turned to embrace Noah. Maddie walked back toward the gallery and James pulled her into a tender embrace. No matter how fragile their relationship was at the moment, he still cared about her and he knew that testimony had been hard for her.

"Who's up for lunch, my treat?" Holden said coming to place a firm hand on his son's shoulder. "You did good, Luke. I'm proud of you."

"Thanks Dad," Luke said letting go of Noah long enough to give his dad a hug too.

"You all did good," Lucinda chimed in. "That Simpson character threw a lot of hard questions your way, and you handed yourselves beautifully. Now come on, let's see about that lunch. And I will pay, Holden….I insist," she said when Holden tried to protest.

"So I know everyone noticed," Luke said as he took his seat between his father and Noah, "Mom's appearance and disappearance today." He frowned as he focused on his soup, swirling it around with his spoon as if it were the most unappetizing thing dish.

"You mean she was actually there?" Holden said dismissively as he took a sip of his drink.

"She didn't seem to react to your testimony at all, Luke," Noah pointed out sadly.

"I am afraid I will never understand that daughter of mine," Lucinda added wistfully.

"And the nerve of Mr. Simpson to throw it in your face," Maddie added angrily. "I really don't like him, not one bit."

"He tried to discredit you too, Mads," Luke said as he dunked his spoon in and out of the soup. "You had already said you saw me running down the hall, why would he ask you if Randy did anything wrong?"

"Because he's a jerk," James asserted softly. He took a bite of his corned beef sandwich, chewing thoughtfully and swallowing before speaking again. "I thought the whole idea was to catch you in a lie or something by taking what the prosecutor asks and turning it back around on you? Maybe he learned it differently than I did in school."

"I'm sorry my testimony couldn't be more helpful, Luke, but I think I had a memory though," Noah added, taking the spoon from Luke's hands and pulling it away when Luke tried to grab for it."

"That's wonderful, Noah," Lucinda spoke up. "What memory did you have dear?"

"Will you two stop acting like you're five," Holden teased as Noah continued to keep the spoon away from Luke. He laughed when both boys glared at him. "Seriously though, what was the memory, Noah?"

"Well," Noah said giving Luke back his spoon. "Stop playing with your soup and eat it," he commanded, garnering a startled look from his husband before he took a bite of his food. "I was thinking about what Maddie said about the dinner party…and I remember that night."

"Do you?" James asked, concentrating on Noah as he wiped Cold Slaw off his chin. "Can you tell us what you remember?"

"Well I remember coming home that afternoon and Luke got on me about my shoes," Noah said turning to grin at his husband. "It was raining and I was dripping water on his clean floor so he was mad at me."

"That sounds about right," Luke said smiling fondly."

"And Randy got there first while you were taking a shower."

"Do you remember what I was doing when you returned from your shower?" Luke asked.

Noah frowned. "You were on the phone with someone…they couldn't come right?"

"Right because of the rain," Luke nodded.

"Okay," Noah said concentrating again. "Randy was being inappropriate from the start of the evening. He implied that we were fighting because I didn't shower with you," Noah said his cheeks tinting as he remembered there were parental figures around.

"Luke blushed as well and shook his head. "He said that to you? Oh man, I'm sorry, Noah."

"I hardly think his behavior is your fault," Noah replied shyly. "I just remember now that he was making those kinds of remarks all night and I was trying to be good for you."

"Until something he said set you off," James chimed in thoughtfully."

"Yeah…but I don't remember what that was…sorry."

"It's okay, Noah," Luke said encouragingly. "I'm glad you are starting to remember more of your life before the crash."

"Luke, I am still very distraught about your mother," Lucinda stated bringing the conversation back to the beginning. I can't believe she walked out like that, Darling."

"I'm used to it," Luke said softly. Noah wasn't fooled by the nonchalant act. He knew that Lily's actions hurt more than Luke was willing to admit to anyone. He placed an arm around Luke's shoulder and commenced in feeding him his soup.

"Nonsense," Lucinda said with authority. "YOU should not be used to it, you should not. Your mother is wrong, darling and I intend to tell her what I think of her behavior today. She had no right abandoning her child in his time of need."

"That's enough Lucinda," Holden said in his ever calm voice. "We don't need you going back to the hospital so soon after getting out. I'm sure the hospital won't like that either."

"She's always abandoning me," Luke exclaimed, pushing Noah's hand away as he tried to feed him another bite of soup. "It's sad, that for all the times Mom has been there for me, there are five times that she hasn't been and I don't want people to say poor Luke, I'm sick of hearing poor Luke all the time."

"Luke," James called trying to get his friend's attention.

"If mom doesn't want me than…there's nothing more that I can think of doing to change her mind," Luke continued, a napkin turning into shredded pieces between his fingers.

"Luke," James tried again, as Noah's hand tried to extract the napkin from Luke's fingers. Holden was frowning, trying to hide the anger he felt seeing his son this way, and Maddie and Lucinda were attempting the art of quiet observation, to save Luke the embarrassment they knew he would feel.

"I've tried being a good son…I don't know what more she wants me to do. I don't know why she doesn't love me."

"LUKE," James practically yelled, reaching his hand over the table to rest on Luke's other shoulder. Luke looked up; he felt one pair of eyes staring at him from the side, and green eyes staring straight ahead. "Breathe."

"It's alright Luke," Noah said rubbing his husband's back. "If your mom can't realize how special you are then that's her loss."

Luke turned and buried his head in Noah's shoulder as they wrapped their arms around each other. James exchanged a look with Holden before locking eyes with Noah. Day one of the trial…only half over and it was already wearing on Luke.


	31. Chapter 31

Court resumed at 1:30pm sharp. The judge said a few words before allowing Tom to continue with his case. At this moment Katie was on the stand, and Tom had been asking basic questions about her duties at the station, and when she had hired Randy and what she thought of him as a worker. Luke was listening carefully as he was sure everyone else was too. He felt bad for Katie; she was always very sweet to him and a very good worker and good at what she did. He had spoken with her prior to court resuming and she had once again expressed how sorry she was that this had happened. He had told her he was just glad she believed him.

"Ms. Peretti," Tom's voice pulled Luke away from his thoughts, "Can you tell me where you were on the night in question?"

"I was on a plane, heading home to Oakdale," she replied.

"Did you speak with Mr. Thompson that evening at any time?"

Katie frowned. "I spoke with Maddie at about five, but not with Randy. I didn't speak with him that day because I knew the tapes were ready for the next day's segment."

"So you never asked Mr. Thompson to return to the station to take care of the tapes?"

"No I didn't talk to him on Wednesday at all."

"Thank you Katie. Nothing further, Your Honor."

"Mr. Simpson do you have any questions for this witness?"

"No Your Honor." The Judge thanked Katie and asked her to stop down. Tom took the floor again to call his next witness.

"The Prosecution calls James McPherson to the stand. Can you state your name for the court, son?" he asked once James was sworn in."

"James Robert McPherson."

"James, can you tell the court how you became acquainted with Luke and Noah?"

"Yes sir. I know Luke from psychology class. I met him back in September. I met Noah in November when my girlfriend and I came over for dinner."

"And your girlfriend is Madeline Coleman, correct?"

"Yes sir."

"So you and Madeline were at the dinner party Luke and Noah gave at their apartment on the night in question. Can you tell the court what you saw and heard that evening?"

"It was a nice evening, besides the fact that Randy was making inappropriate comments. Luke ignored him for the most part, and I could tell that Noah was getting agitated but he was behaving as well."

"Were you a witness to the fight that happened between Noah and Mr. Thompson?"

"No sir. I'm not sure what caused the fight, but I could hazard to guess that Randy said something that Noah couldn't stand. I was in the kitchen with Luke and we were just entering the living room when the lights came back on, and we watched Randy fall to the floor."

"Did you and Ms. Coleman stay or did you leave at the same time Mr. Thompson did?"

"We all left together," James replied. "Luke apologized for the night having to end early, but he needed to talk to Noah. "

"Did you see Luke again that evening?"

"No sir. I didn't see Luke until that next Monday."

"Can you tell the court how Luke appeared to you when you next saw him?"

"He wasn't doing very well when I saw him sir."

"How so, James?"

"He was passed out on the floor in front of his apartment. I woke him up and helped him inside."

"He was passed out?" Tom queried, "As in had been drinking and passed out?"

James frowned. "I did smell alcohol on Luke's breath, but I hesitate to say that was the reason he passed out. It seemed like the alcohol aggravated whatever was wrong with him. When I asked him about it he said he just wasn't feeling well, and he was still recovering from his kidney infection."

"What happened after you found Luke that afternoon?"

"I took him inside and he collapsed on the couch. We talked for a few minutes and he explained further that he still wasn't feeling well, and hadn't been since the week before. Noah came home soon after that and asked me to keep Luke's condition to myself. We planned to get together once Luke was better. And since Luke was in good hands, I left."

"Did you stay in touch with Luke, after that night?"

"Yes sir….but not on a regular basis."

"When did you and Luke begin seeing each other on a regular basis?"

"Well, first I should explain that I saw Luke on Tuesdays and Thursdays for our psychology class but we didn't really see each other much other than school. When I did see him, he seemed withdrawn…distant, and a lot of times distracted. It was as if he just shut himself off for awhile."

"When did that changed?"

"When Noah had his accident on Christmas night. Luke called Maddie and let us know that Noah had been in a car accident. Maddie and I rushed to the hospital and since then a day hasn't gone by that I don't talk to Luke at least once."

"What would you say your relationship to Mr. Snyder is? Does it go beyond friendship?"

James was silent for a moment as his eyes found Luke's, and he watched a sad smile cross his friend's lips. Luke nodded and James allowed himself to smile too. "We're like brothers," he admitted easily. "We have built up a good friendship over the past seven months and I've also been counseling him professionally since January."

"So you began counseling Luke in January for what reason?"

"Luke was dealing with a lot of stress at that time, and I had advised that perhaps he should talk about what was going on with him. He was trying to be strong for Noah, while trying not to let Noah's father get the best of him…and at the time he opened up a little to me about the clothes the police had found in the wreckage."

"Can you tell me a little about Luke's state of mind during this time, James?"

"He wasn't dealing with Noah's accident very well, which is understandable. It's never easy to see a loved one in such a precarious state."

"That is very true, James," Tom agreed solemnly. "Can you tell me when you first noticed that Luke's behavior was peculiar to you?"

"I noticed it first on Christmas Night. Luke was arguing with Noah's dad and I tried to calm him down. When I touched him, I could feel him tensing up, but I didn't think much of it at the time. I needed to calm Luke down, because if he was agitated he would end up in the hospital again, and not any help to Noah."

"Why was he agitated with Noah's father?"

"He had just told Luke that Noah was in a coma and may never wake up. He was blaming that on Luke."

Noah frowned as he listened to James' words. He wasn't enjoying hearing how his father had treated Luke. He leaned forward and rested a hand on Luke's shoulder. Luke rested his head against Noah's hand as they continued to listen to James and Tom.

"…he was trying to keep Luke from seeing Noah, and at the time that was what Luke really needed. He needed to see for himself that Noah was okay."

"Can you tell me about the day Luke learned about the clothes, James?"

"When Chief Hughes first brought the clothes to the hospital, Luke was in the middle of an argument with Noah's father," James explained. "I could hear them from down the hall, and Luke was yelling for the Colonel not to touch him. He sounded really scared and he told the Colonel that he could yell if he wanted to but he was not allowed to touch him. It got really loud in the room after that, and Noah's Vitals went crazy, and the Colonel was yelling at Luke…but then Luke made everyone be quiet because all the noise was disturbing Noah. I know that the Chief and everyone else left the room, and the doctor came in to check on Noah, but what I remember most is that Luke touched Noah's hand and immediately his Vitals stopped screaming."

A general murmur of awe went around the room at that statement. Even Tom had to smile at the thought of Luke's touch calming Noah even though he was comatose. It was a nice thought indeed. "It's good to know that you were there for Luke during all of this, James," Tom said bringing the topic back to the case. "Can you tell me what Luke's initial reaction to the clothes was?"

"Yes sir. When Luke heard about the clothes he started to panic. Noah's father yelled at him again, because he felt that Luke wasn't answering the chief's question. Once Luke worked through the panic attack he did reveal that the clothes belonged to him."

"Did Luke ever mention Mr. Thompson in relation to the clothes or what had happened to put those clothes in that kind of shape?"

"Not in so many words," James replied.. "After the police left that day, Luke and I were talking outside Noah's room. I mentioned Randy to him, because he had said something about having someone to talk to about things. I had thought Randy was that person for him. It also occurred to me that Randy hadn't been to the hospital to see about Luke, and I was going to ask him about that when I noticed how pale he was and he said he didn't want to talk about him. He never actually said Randy's name. I apologized for upsetting him, and maybe ten minutes later Luke started talking to me. He told me the clothes belonged to him, which he had previously admitted. Then he started talking about a "he" and he said that the third DNA sample belonged to "him." He began rambling after that, calling himself stupid for trusting and wanting to be a friend…and he started blaming himself saying he shouldn't have hugged "Him" and that maybe "he" was right and he did owe "him something."

"Did Luke say anything else about this "He" that night, James?"

"Luke was thinking about not going back to school this semester because he knew who would be there. I talked him out of stopping though. I knew that school was too important to him, and Noah wouldn't have wanted him to stop."

"Would it be safe to assume that he didn't return to the station for the same reason?"

"It would be easy to make that deduction now, yes. But before Luke was still recovering and I know he had cut down on his schedule somewhat once he got out of the hospital."

"Did Luke ever in the course of your sessions call Mr. Thompson by name in regards to the rape?"

"Just thinking about Randy was enough to send Luke into fits," James said honestly. "When our sessions began it was hard to get him to even talk about his relationship with Noah, because Randy figures heavily in the beginnings of it. He only referred to Randy as he up until February."

"And once Noah was awake, and home did Luke mention anything that will have bearing on the night in question?"

"Actually he did mention the fact that Randy stopped by the day Noah came home from the hospital," James responded. "Randy and Luke's mom were in the apartment when Luke returned from the store, and he had a fight with his mother and snapped at Randy as well. He confided in me that night that seeing Randy again really affected him, since it had been the first time he'd seen him since December."

"Anything else, James?"

"Luke also voiced his concern that Randy was hanging around Noah too much for his liking. He knew that he couldn't dictate who Noah hung out with, but he was afraid that Randy would be a negative influence for him. Plus he mentioned to me that while it may have happened two months prior, it felt like two days to him."

"Were there any after effects that you noticed as you spent time with Luke?

"Luke also suffered nightmares stemming from the attack," James added after a moment's pause. "While he was caring for Noah the dreams didn't plague him…but the moment he was home and he didn't have to worry about Noah as much the dreams and his fear of Randy returned to the surface."

"Thank you, James. We're almost done here. I want you to tell me how Luke came to the conclusion that he should step forward?"

"That was the day before Valentine's Day," James explained. "I talked to Luke that morning, and he told me that he and Noah had sex the previous night."

"That seems like a pretty bold statement." Tom remarked.

"Luke sounded perplexed by it, and I can admit that it startled me too sir. So I asked Luke to explain to me what was going on in his head. He told me he felt guilty for taking advantage of Noah, because Noah didn't' remember him. He felt bad for losing himself in the moment they shared and he just needed to talk about it. We talked a little about Noah, and Randy as well. He was feeling somewhat better when he left my Dad's office. Which is why I was surprised to receive a frantic phone call from him not too long after that."

"What happened?" Tom asked.

"When Maddie and I arrived at the apartment, Luke was locked in his bedroom. I managed to reason out what had occurred…Noah had inadvertently tried to force himself on Luke, who freaked and found refuge in the bedroom. I managed to convince Luke that he needed to talk to Noah about this, and tell him why he was so freaked. Luke agreed, and he talked to Noah who revealed that he had gotten the idea from Randy. It was at that point that Luke finally mentioned Randy by name and told Noah what had happened. He decided he needed to step forward, and the rest as they say is history."

"Thank you James," Tom said sincerely. "No more questions Your Honor."

"Mr. Simpson, your witness."

"Thank you Your Honor. Mr. McPherson, are you licensed in the state of Illinois to be a counselor?"

"No. I'm a student."

"So how is it that you came to be "counseling" Mr. Snyder?"

Luke watched James green eyes flash with something he could only call anger. Somehow his friend reined it in and didn't let Mr. Simpson get the best of him. Luke was angry himself…he did not like Randy's lawyer one bit….even though he had to begrudgingly admit the man was good.

"My dad is a Psychiatrist and a Psychologist," James explained. "I'm training under him, and when Luke's case came up my dad was going to take him as a client. However after seeing how well Luke responded to me, my father and I decided that it would be best for Luke to come to me for sessions."

"Sidebar, Your Honor," Mr. Simpson said looking toward the judge.

Once they were away from the Jury, Mr. Simpson began, "Your Honor, move to dismiss Mr. McPherson's testimony on Mr. Snyder's mental state on the grounds that he is neither a Psychiatrist nor a Psychologist and thus cannot give a professional medical opinion."

"I object Your Honor," Tom interjected. "James hasn't said anything that a friend wouldn't say. There was nothing clinical about his responses."

The judge turned to James and addressed him directly. "You have spent time with Luke every day since the accident?"

"Yes, Your Honor. Our friendship deepened during those months that I was helping him cope. I gave him someone to listen to, and I care about him a great deal."

The judge nodded; satisfied with the answer he turned his attention back to Tom and Mr. Simpson.. "Mr. Simpson, Mr. McPherson hasn't said anything today that a good friend would not have said upon spending time with Luke. Besides that he is interning under his father, who is highly respected in the field. Motion denied. Do you have any further questions for this witness?"

"No Your Honor, nothing further."

"Mr. McPherson you may step down. Mr. Hughes do you have any more witnesses?"

James made his way back to the table and slipped behind it to take a seat beside Luke, who was still leaning on Noah's hand.

"Brothers huh," Luke whispered, the makings of a smile touching his lips.

"You know you aren't fooling anyone, right?" James asked raising his eyebrows.

"I tell him that all the time," Noah said moving his hand and forcing Luke to sit up. Noah climbed over the gallery railing and joined James and Luke behind the desk. "He never listens though."

"Since you two are sitting here, can I have a hug," Luke asked with a sigh. He didn't know why he bothered trying to fool them; they were as bad as his father when it came to reading him like a book.

"The prosecution rests Your Honor," Tom's voice interrupted the moment and the three men returned their gazes to the front of the court.

"Thank you Mr. Hughes," Judge Newcomb replied. "Court is adjourned until 9:00a.m tomorrow." The gavel sounded and everyone rose as the judge left the bench.

Luke stood alone as everyone said good bye and chattered about the day's events. He wasn't really in the mood for celebrating. He wasn't really in the mood for anything. It had been a long day and all he really wanted to do was go home and curl up next to Noah so he could fall asleep. That sounded like a nice idea to him. He could close his eyes and just forget about everything; forget about Randy, and the trial and his family. Too bad it wasn't going to be that simple, his life rarely was.

He saw Randy exit the courtroom with his lawyer and grimaced when the tall man walked toward him. "That was a nice story you told there, Luke," he said smugly. "I'm sure you got a lot of sympathy, but tomorrow I will tell the real story."

"Randy, if I were you I would turn around right now and walk away," Luke warned. "I am not in the mood to put up with you right now."

"Well you could just stop this now, and admit that you slept with me of your own free will, Luke. I'll forgive you for accusing me of such a heinous crime if you just admit that you are lying."

"I can't believe I ever thought of you as a friend," Luke said bitterly. "I wish I had never met you, Randy now just leave me alone."

"Is there a problem here?" Aaron draped his arm around his brother's shoulders and remained calm as he looked at Randy.

"Nothing at all, we were just talking," Randy replied. "Isn't that right, Luke?"

"Yeah," Luke replied blandly. "We were just talking."

"I'll see you tomorrow," Randy said stepping away. The brothers Snyder glared at the back of Randy's head until he and the lawyer disappeared down the hall.

"Are you sure you're alright, little brother?"

"Luke," Noah called as he came toward him. "Was Randy bothering you?"

"Let's just forget it, okay?" Luke said looking between his husband and his brother. "I just want to go home."

While everyone else was engaged in conversation, Lucinda gestured for Holden to follow her and they went to a corner where they could talk. "There has to be something we can do about Lily," she started when she knew no one could hear them. "Her behavior today was just unacceptable. Have you tried talking to her, Darling?"

"I've talked to Lily a few times about this, Lucinda, but it doesn't seem to do any good."

"Try harder. She has to know she's hurting Luke. He was just devastated when she walked out of there, just devastated."

"I know," Holden frowned. "I noticed. I'm not sure why Lily is refusing to believe that this happened to Luke. She thinks that Luke is just trying to cover up his own mistakes and we are not helping by indulging him."

"Mistakes," Lucinda asked appalled.

"In her words," Holden said bitterly, "Luke took advantage of Randy's "crush" on him and then felt guilty about it so now he made this story up."

"She didn't say that," Lucinda insisted. "No, my daughter would never say such a thing. About her own son? My word that is awful."

"Excuse me, I don't mean to interrupt," Noah said walking up to them. "I just wanted to let you know that I'm going to get Luke home…he's not feeling well, so is it okay if we just skip dinner?"

"That's fine, Noah. Go take care of Luke, and we'll meet you here tomorrow."

"Thanks sir," Noah said. He leaned in to give Lucinda a kiss on her cheek. "That's from me," he said before kissing her again. "And that's for Luke. Thanks for being here to support him."

"Don't even think about it darling," Lucinda said patting his cheek. "Go take care of my grandson, and take care of yourself too. Your father-in-law here is going to take me home."

"Am I taking you home, or back to the hospital?" Holden asked taking a hold of her wheelchair as they followed Noah who returned to Luke's side.

"Take me home, Darling. I've seen enough of the hospital to last a lifetime. Besides I have to figure out how to get that daughter of mine to see reason."

"Good luck." Holden quipped, "Maybe she'll listen to you."

"Ha, she hasn't listened to me in years."

"Are you sure you don't want something to eat?" Noah asked for the fifteenth time. "It will take no time at all to fix you something, Luke, and you have to eat to keep up your strength."

Luke was resting on their bed, where he had collapsed as soon as they returned to their apartment. Noah had to convince him to at least take off his suit jacket and tie before he passed out. Luke obliged wearily and Noah had been attempting for the last hour to get his husband to eat.

"I don't want food," Luke said taking a hold of Noah's hand. He pulled his husband down on the bed and immediately cuddled up to him. "I just want…need to be held, Noah. That's all I want right now, okay?"

Noah wrapped his arms around Luke and held him tight, kissing the top of his head gently. 'I will hold you for as long as you want me to, Luke. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere."

"Even if that means forever," Luke whispered.

"Yes, Luke…I'd like to do forever with you."

Luke turned so that he was facing his husband and he placed a hand on his cheek. "You did good today. I'm very proud of you for getting up there even though Randy's lawyer was very mean."

"Mr. Simpson is an ass," Noah muttered garnering a snicker from Luke. He smiled and lean in to give Luke a soft kiss. "I may have done well up there, but you were put through the ringer, and you did a fantastic job," he insisted. "I am so proud of you and of the courage that you showed by not backing down or breaking down during that cross-examination."

"I think I'm tired of crying about it," Luke admitted. "I think I'm tired of crying about a lot of things, and I know that even when this is all over that it really won't be. I just want it to be over."

"That may be true," Noah replied, his tone thoughtful, "but we will get through it together. Because side by side we are stronger, and with James and Maddie on our side we can't lose."

"You've said something like that to me before," Luke said his voice soft as a smile crept across his lips. "In fact we have said that to each other a lot…that we are stronger together, and I remind myself of that each day, and I…I feel like I need to tell you the truth."

"Luke, you know you can tell me anything. What's on your mind?"

Luke frowned and bit his lip. He had been thinking about this for a while and he just wanted to be honest with Noah about what he was feeling. "First of all I want you to know that these past two months have been so great, and I'm really enjoying getting to know you all over again."

"Okay," Noah frowned. "Why do I feel that there is a but to go along with that?"

Luke frowned. "No buts, Noah…not exactly. It's just that I'm selfish sometimes and I want to apologize for that. I take you for granted and I need to stop that too. I want to apologize for expecting so much out of you and for not giving you enough in return. I want you back, and I know that's not fair, because it goes against everything we said when we got married, and for some reason you put up with me. I'm sorry."

"Luke, I love you," Noah said touching Luke's face. "I don't think you expect any more out of me than I expect out of you. All I ask is that you are honest with me and if I do something wrong you let me know, so I don't do it again."

"You don't do many things wrong, Noah. You may not recall everything from our past together…but the little things like calling me while I'm in class, or talking to me like this, just everything makes me feel that you care. And I know, I am not making sense but it's just YOU are the only one that makes sense to me right now. I love my dad, but he's so messed up from this divorce. I love grandma, but she has her own life to worry about too. James and Maddie…I know they will get through their rough patch, and you don't have all your memories, you may never get them back, but what I know for certain is that I loved the man you were then…and I love the man you have become, and I…I…"

He trailed off as if his brain ceased working in that moment. His thoughts would no longer process and despite his best efforts tears spilled forth rolling down his cheeks. He wasn't even sure why he was crying this time

"Come here you," Noah pulled Luke even closer, and began to wipe away the tears that were falling steadily. "I may never get all my memories back, but there is one thing I'm sure of, Luke, and that's you. I may not know the love we shared before the accident, but I know the love that I have felt since I woke up with you by my side. No, those old memories may never resurface, but your love has been a balm to my heart and I know that wherever you are, is where I want to be."

He wrapped himself in those words, basked in them and allowed them to keep him warm. They were exactly what he needed to hear at the moment…yet somehow there was still a sliver of ice that wouldn't go away. He didn't know how to communicate it to Noah….how could he say it without seeming ungrateful…how did he ask this question without making his husband as confused as he felt.

"I know you love me," he said his voice barely a whisper…I just don't understand why or how. How can I be important to someone when my mom can dismiss me so easily?"

Noah sighed and kissed the top of Luke's head. "I'm not even going to pretend to know what the heck is going on with your mom, but I do know that your dad and grandma are wonderful and they both think you hung the moon and the stars, as do I," he nuzzled Luke's neck and was rewarded with a small smile that didn't' quite reach Luke's eyes. "Your mom is the one missing out on having your love in her life, Luke. I know my love can't replace that of your mother, but I will do everything in my power to show you every day that you are worth of my love."

Luke rested his head on Noah's chest. He could feel his steady heartbeat and he was comfortable. Noah's chest rose and fell with every breath, and Luke was slowly being lulled to sleep. "Thank you, Noah," he whispered as his eyes grew heavy. "I love you."  
**


	32. Chapter 32

Noah was already awake and in the kitchen when Luke made his way out of their bedroom. He stood in the doorway for a moment watching his husband shuffle between the counter and the frying pan as he prepared breakfast. Somehow Noah managed to drop an egg on the floor, and when he bent to wipe up the yolk, the empty egg shells rained down on his head and Luke had to cover his mouth to keep from laughing.

"Do you need some help," he asked, keeping his voice soft so he didn't startle Noah too much. Noah looked up at him with sad eyes and frowned.

"I'm sorry I made a mess, I was trying to surprise you with breakfast…but my head is not working right this morning, and now I am covered in egg shells."

Luke pulled Noah up and promptly kissed him good morning. "it's the thought that counts, Noah. And what's wrong with your head? You aren't hurting are you? Or do you mean mental strain? I hope you're okay…it's going to be another long day but if you don't think…"

"Don't," Noah said shaking his head, "I'll be fine, and I am not leaving you when you need me. I will be sitting with you in court today just like yesterday. At least you don't have to be called to the stand today."

Luke kissed him softly on the lips and tried to get the shells out of his hair. "I love you for trying to find the bright side in everything, Noah. Go get a shower and get dressed, I will take care of this mess and breakfast and then I need to talk to you about today."

"Okay, be back in a flash," Noah said kissing Luke on the cheek before he went to shower and change.

"So what is it you needed to discuss," Noah asked as he bit into his blueberry pancake. He watched Luke closely as he cut into his food and marveled at the fact that his husband could look sexy just doing mundane things like that. Luke's hair was still a bit damp from his shower, and he smelled like the Irish Spring. To Noah that was an intoxicating smell.

"I wanted to prepare you for what will happen today," Luke said pulling Noah out of his daze. "MR. Simpson has the right to ask whatever questions he feels are necessary to support Randy's case. That unfortunately means that if he wants to, he can call any of us as witnesses for the defense. Just so he can question us his way…and I want you to be ready just in case he does. He isn't going to paint me in a good light Noah, and I know you listen to me about everything…I need to know that you will be doing that today, okay?"

"I don't think there is anything Mr. Simpson can ask me honestly, Luke," Noah pointed out. "But I will keep in mind what you are saying. You know you are the one I trust…and that isn't going to change, even if he tries to paint you as a liar."

"He's going to make it seem like I had an affair with Randy," Luke said as he continued to eat. "I didn't…you really are the only one I've ever loved Noah. I told you what happened right before Christmas…not sure if you recall that just yet. It was the weekend before when you learned about the rape, and you finally realized…"

"That you wouldn't cheat on me," Noah finished his sentence and met his eyes head on. "It was a Saturday…and I was frantic because you weren't home and I didn't know where you were. There was a phone call…your brother…he somehow knew you had been drinking."

"I should have guessed he would figure it out," Luke said sadly.

"That was right before my dad came over and said he saw you kissing Randy. Do you think that they will try to get my dad on the stand, Luke?"

"I wouldn't put anything past him, Noah…do you remember anything about your dad?"

Noah shook his head, not besides what I've already told you. I know he doesn't like you much, but he liked Maddie, that doesn't make sense to me at all."

"When you remember kissing me for the first time…can you recall the circumstances surrounding that at all? I mean do you know where we were and why I was fixing a tie for you that day?""

Noah pursed his lips and concentrated on the picture Luke's words created. "He recalled Luke's kiss, and remembered being nervous prior to it…"You got the tie from wardrobe," he said slowly. "You told me you should have gotten me a clip on. I was nervous….even before we kissed, I was nervous about something."

"Think, Noah…and remember that you usually like to be on time."

"On time," Noah repeated as he continued to make his mind work backwards. A frown crossed his lips as the memory came back to him and he opened his eyes wide, horrified at what he recalled. "I was supposed to be at the Lakeview having lunch with Maddie and my father. You had brought in Chinese food and I had lost track of time…oh my god, Luke I dated Maddie?"

"Yeah, you were…but unfortunately we don't have time to talk about it right now. "We have to finish up and get to the courthouse."

"You'll talk about it with me later though…right?"

Luke took Noah's hand and brought it to his lips for a kiss. "Yes, Noah…we'll talk about it tonight.

The moment he walked into the courtroom he knew it wasn't going to be a good day. It was a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach and it caused him to immediately grab for Noah's hand. He squeezed it tight and wouldn't let go. Noah sat with him at the table in front of the gallery. Tom had said it would be okay…he wanted Noah close…he just knew he would need it.

They all rose when the bailiff spoke, and waited until Judge Newcomb told them to sit. Court was back in session; day 2 of the State vs. Randy Thompson and Mr. Simpson had the floor

"Mr. Simpson you may begin."

"Thank you Your Honor, the Defense calls Randall Thompson to the stand."

Luke watched the man walk up to the stand to place his hand on the bible. He marveled at how cool and collected Randy appeared to be as he sat down and faced forward. Luke frowned…he really wasn't looking forward to this."

"Mr. Thompson, please state your name for the record."

"Randall P Thompson Jr."

"Thank you, Randy. Can you tell the court how you came to know Mr. Luke Snyder."

"Gladly," Randy directed his gaze straight at him, and Luke felt like he couldn't pull away. That gaze made him shiver and his stomach churned. "I met Luke on my first day as an intern at WOAK. Right away I knew he was someone I wanted to get to know…gorgeous, smart, sweet and very charming."

"Did Mr. Snyder encourage you in any way that led you to believe he might return your affections?"

Randy smiled. "We were connected from the beginning. We worked close together, Luke and I. And he would smile and wink and our hands would touch here and there. There was no doubting the chemistry that existed between us, Maddie even noticed it."

Luke couldn't believe what he was hearing…chemistry? Was he kidding. He frowned and rested his head against Noah's shoulder as he continued to listen.

"Did you and Mr. Snyder date?"

"Yes, we dated briefly, until Noah stole him away from me. "

"Can you explain, MR. Thompson what you mean by Mr. Mayer stole him away from you?"

"Noah was jealous," Randy replied, "of how close Luke and I were. "He didn't like it at all and tried to sabotage our relationship at every turn. We went on a double date one night, with Noah and his girlfriend at the time, Maddie."

Luke squeezed Noah's hand and chanced a look at the audience where James was reaching for Maddie's hand as well. He returned his attention to the front where Randy was still speaking.

"…That night when I was going to take Luke home, Noah decided to be abrasive and insist that Luke was going to go home with him. Luke stood up to him that day though and he told Noah to shove off and we went to Luke's farm. That was a very blissful night."

Luke's stomach churned again and he knew he was probably hurting Noah's hand but he couldn't help it. Randy was lying through his teeth…and Noah was getting information that he hadn't remembered yet. It scared him that this testimony could totally mess with Noah's recovery.

"…Two days later," Randy was saying, "Luke was sitting in Noah's lap and they were making out in the office…and Noah said Luke belonged to him. I was devastated."

'Did you try to maintain your friendship with Mr. Snyder?"

"Yes, definitely. I told Luke that I wanted to remain friends with him and he graciously accepted that. As I said we were close and I wanted to be there for him…especially since I knew Noah would break his heart."

"Why did you think that Mr. Mayer would break Mr. Snyder's heart?"

"Because he didn't love him the way Luke deserved to be loved. Nor did he treat him right. And besides that fact he had already broken one heart…he was a liar and a scam and it was just a matter of time before he did something to hurt Luke…and I was going to be there when it happened."

"Please tell the court what happened on the night in question."

Luke sighed, Mr. Simpson sounded very sure of himself, and Randy sounded like a pompous jerk. Luke was not happy with Randy calling Noah names, and that was the crux, Randy knew he hated that.

"Don't let him get to you," Noah whispered in his ear. Pay him no mind…just breathe."

'…it was still raining when we left the apartment. James and Maddie went their separate way and I waited for Luke because I knew he would be coming out soon. Sure enough he came down and we talked…he told me to meet him at the station later. I had to go to the station anyway so I was looking forward to some alone time with him. When I arrived Luke was crying and he apologized to me for what happened at his apartment. I told him not to worry about it, it was no big deal, I was used to Noah's temper. I hugged him because he needed it, and then I kissed him…and we made love."

Luke lowered his head and tried to breathe. His stomach was churning even more now than it had a moment ago. He was not going to break down…he couldn't, not here and certainly not now.

"Did Mr. Snyder ever try to push you away at any time during the alleged event?" MR. Simpson's voice sounded louder than usual.

"The only time Luke pushed me away was at the beginning when I startled him with the kiss," Randy replied easily. "He succumbed to me as he always does and gave his body to me willingly."

"Did you rip Mr. Snyder's clothing that evening?"

Randy shook his head, and Luke felt like he was ten inches tall. He just wanted to sink into the floor. "They could have become torn a little while we were in the heat of passion, but I would never intentionally rip Luke's clothes. He was fine when I left him."

"Thank you, Mr. Thompson. Nothing further, Your Honor."

"Mr. Hughes your witness."

Tom placed a hand on Luke's shoulder as he stood up and faced Randy. "Thank you Your Honor," he started. "Mr. Thompson do you understand the meaning of the word NO?"

"Of course," Randy said with a straight face. Luke was looking up at his lawyer with such awe. Even Noah was fixated on Tom as he continued to stare down Randy. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad.

"Then why, MR. Thompson is it that after the night in question, when you called Mr. Snyder, he repeatedly told you to stop calling him and you continued to torment him?"

"I hardly think trying to talk to my lover is tormenting," Randy said smoothly. "Nor is it wrong to reminisce abuout what we shared."

"You would be correct if Mr. Snyder wanted such attentions which he did not," Tom commented. "And if you understand the meaning of the word No then why is it that you attacked Mr. Snyder at WOAK when you really had no reason to be there at all?"

"Luke only told me to stop calling because he didn't want Noah to find out. We were supposed to meet up again that afternoon…I left a message on his answering machine and everything. And as for attacking him, I did no such thing. Luke wanted me as much as I wanted him. In fact he still does because Noah can't satisfy him like I can. I was at WOAK that night because I was working, and because Luke wanted me there. It isn't my fault that he wants to stay in Noah's good graces."

Luke bit his lip and felt Noah squeezing his hand. He dared to look in his husband's eyes and was relieved to see only love being conveyed there. Beneath that layer he could see a hint of confusion and he whispered to him that he would explain everything to him later. Noah squeezed his hand again and they resumed listening to the case.

"Why is it?" Tom was saying, "That you still believe Luke wants to be with you?"

"Because he knows I'm better for him then Noah."

"You are nothing more than a bully," Tom charged, "who took advantage of the anger between these two men, which you caused to begin with."

"It's not my fault, Mr. Hughes that Noah was aware of the chemistry between me and Luke and that caused him not to like me."

Luke wrinkled his nose and looked over to see how Noah was dealing with these answers. His husband was sitting quietly, his eyes narrow, a frown set on his lips.

"Luke couldn't even speak your name until very recently," Tom continued. "That certainly doesn't sound like a man who was willing to give up his relationship with his husband for you."

"You don't know him like I do."

"Is it not the case here, Mr. Thompson that you were angry at Mr. Snyder for choosing to be with Mr. Mayer instead of you, and so you set out to destroy their relationship by causing a fight in their home and then using Mr. Snyder's friendship to get close to him and when he was within your reach you took from him something that was not yours to take."

"Objection your honor," Mr. Simpson stood up.

"Overruled," Judge Newcomb announced. "Answer the question, Mr. Thompson."

"Yes I was angry," Randy snapped causing the courtroom to erupt with noise. Judge Newcomb struck the gavel a few times asking for order before telling Randy to proceed. "It wasn't fair that Noah had stolen away what I wanted, but that doesn't mean I would do anything to harm Luke. What you are claiming is not so because I love him. I didn't know they were married, Luke didn't impart that piece of information to me, and he begged me to take him that night. I don't know why he is changing his story and making these ridiculous claims but he screamed for me to take him three different times. And it was the best night."

Luke's breakfast continued to churn and he was crying inside. This was awful, he was sure he looked paler than a sheet and he still wanted to crawl under the table and die. Would the jury believe him? Would they think he had made it all up? His mom sure seemed to think so. He tried to push that thought out of his head, but he wanted to throw up and if not for Noah's hand and the fact that he was in the middle he probably would have risen to run to the bathroom.

"Mr. Thompson," Tom's voice met his ears as he felt eyes on him as well. "Do you see the young man sitting beside me? "

"Of course I do."

"Does that man look in any way, shape or form like he would want to have anything to do with you?"

"No he doesn't…but he only looks that way because Noah's right beside him. It's just an act."

"Why would he be acting?" Tom insisted.

"He's acting because he doesn't want Noah to know the truth," Randy insisted.

"Noah can't remember what happened," Tom reminded him. "If Luke truly wanted to be with you, he would not have spent 6 weeks sitting by Noah's side as he lay comatose in the hospital."

"He was only by Noah's side to alleviate some of his guilt," Randy said matter-of-factly. "Luke thought Noah's accident was his fault, so he had to be by Noah's side for that time."

"For six weeks, MR. Thompson?" Tom asked incredulously. "I'm sure that everyone in this court would agree that if Luke wanted to be with you, he could easily have left Noah as soon as he realized that Noah had no memory of anything. Tell me, when did you become aware that Noah had no memory?"

"When Lily and I came to check on Luke in February. We went to his home, and Noah answered the door, but had no idea who we were, though he recognized Lily from Some picture in the house."

So you admittedly knew that Noah was at his most vulnerable, and you used that knowledge to try and hurt Luke again."

"Come now Counselor," Randy said smoothly. "You can't tell me that there is something wrong with giving advice to a dear friend? I was only trying to help Noah out since he seemed to desperately want a part of Luke…not that I can blame him for that."

When Randy licked his lips, Luke closed his eyes and buried his face in Noah's neck. Noah for his credit was glaring at Randy. He wanted Tom to be done with the questioning, because he found Randy completely sickening.

Somehow Tom managed to keep his composure even as he looked at his young clients. "Mr. Thompson I would hazard a guess that neither Mr. Snyder nor Mr. Mayer would consider you a friend," He said facing the witness stand again. Finally his eyes landed on Judge Newcomb. "Your honor, I have nothing further for this witness at this time."

"You may step down, Mr. Thompson, and court is in recess for fifteen minutes. The gavel was struck and everyone started to move around, except for Luke and Noah…they remained seated, Noah trying to soothe his husband who was shaking like a leaf.

"Court is now in session," Bailiff Walker announced, startling Luke and Noah out of their trance-like state. They pulled out of their hug and looked around,. Everyone was back in the courtroom and Judge Newcomb was adjusting his robes and preparing to address the court.

"Are you alright?" Tom whispered to Luke, concern clear in his gaze.

"Yeah…I'm fine. I'm just glad that part's over." Luke responded.

"Who is Mr. Simpson calling next?" Noah inquired.

"I'd like to call Colonel Winston Mayer to the stand," Mr. Simpson announced.

"What!" Luke and Noah said at the same time, as they watched Noah's father make his way to the stand.

"Noah, have you talked to your father recently?" Tom asked frowning.

"No sir…not since I told him I no longer wanted him in my life a month ago."

Luke put an arm around Noah's shoulders and hugged him briefly before turning his attention to the stand where the Colonel had just taken his seat.

"Please state your name for the record, Mr. Mayer"

"Colonel Winston Mayer."

"Colonel Mayer can you tell us your relationship with Mr. Snyder and Mr. Mayer?"

"Noah is my son," The colonel replied, looking straight at the table where Noah and Luke were sitting. ""He's my only son and that boy," he pointed at Luke is nothing more than a roommate who has warped my son's mind." 

"Why do you think Mr. Snyder has warped your son's mind?"

"It's clear from the way my son is acting. This is not the boy I raised. I just want my son back."

"Colonel Mayer have you ever seen Mr. Snyder and or Mr. Mayer with Randy?"

The colonel laughed. "As a matter of fact I did. On the night in question I caught the two of them together."

"How did you come to see the two men on the evening in question."

"I was on my way to see my son, when I saw his roommate leave the apartment. He seemed like he was in a hurry, so I followed him to the station where he and my son work. Randy showed up just after him and the next thing I saw was them kissing."

"When you saw them kissing, what did you do?"

"Why I left of course," the Colonel answered. "I certainly wasn't going to stay and watch. I wanted to immediately go to my son and tell him what I had seen, because I was certain he had no idea his roommate was practicing that lifestyle. And No offense to your client, I just know my son isn't one of them."

"Did you ever tell your son what you had seen that night?" Mr Simpson pressed forward.

"Yes I did, right before Christmas. I went to my son, and let him know what I had caught his roommate doing, only to be informed that my son thinks he's gay."

"What was your reaction to this claim?

"Objection your Honor," Tom said standing. "I fail to see how this is relevant to the case."

"Your Honor," Mr. Simpson protested, "the relevance is that Colonel Mayer was witness to the kiss that led to the alleged incident. It only makes sense that he would try and make his son aware of what was going on with his roommate."

"I'll allow the question," Judge Newcomb decided, but Mr. Simpson I advise you to stick to the case, you are wasting taxpayer dollars here."

"Question Withdrawn, no further questions your honor."

"Mr. Hughes? Do you have any questions for this witness?"

"I do, Your Honor. Colonel Mayer, you are aware that your son and Mr. Snyder are married, correct?"

The Colonel sniffed. "There are a lot of words for what they are doing, Mr. Hughes and Marriage is not one of them. That is what Luke has him believing however."

Luke sighed heavily, this was getting ridiculous."

Noah wrapped his arm around Luke's waist and glared at the man he still couldn't remember completely. The word Roommate was bringing back a memory that he couldn't deal with at the moment, so he tried to keep his focus forward.

"Col. Mayer, there is legal documentation that Noah and Luke are married. Are you so determined to believe that your son is not gay that you are willing to do anything to destroy their relationship?"

"I am not inclined to call what that boy thinks he has with my son a relationship, Mr. Hughes. I know you are a smart man, and I'm sure you can agree that what your client is doing is immoral and he has somehow made my son go along with it."

Tom decided to ignore that statement for the moment, and went on with his questioning. "Colonel, you saw Luke with Mr. Thompson and naturally assumed the worst of him, is that correct?"

"I know what I saw. It was my right as Noah's father, to tell him the truth. And it is my duty as a officer to tell the truth."

"I see," Tom mused, You thought ill of Mr. Snyder, yet he sat by your son's bedside and has done everything he can to take care of Noah."

The Colonel crossed his arms and sniffed indifferently. "I don't think I see your point, Counselor."

"Is it not true," Tom said refusing to be intimidated, "that the only reason you are here today is to attempt to make Luke look bad in the eyes of the court because your son chose Luke over you."

"I am here today, Mr. Hughes to make sure that boy doesn't get away with what he has done. He sat by my son's bedside because he felt guilty, and then had the nerve to keep me away from my son's room. In fact he is still keeping me away from my boy and that's why I am here today."

Noah chose that moment to wrap his arms tightly around Luke. He knew his husband enough to know that if he let go, Luke would jump up and rail. This would not be the time to do that. "Don't listen to him" he whispered into Luke's ear. "Just let him talk…he can't hurt you and he can't hurt me."

"Your Honor," Tom called as he took his seat. "I have nothing further for this witness."

"Colonel Mayer you may step down. Your next witness, Mr. Thompson.

"The Defense calls Lily Snyder to the stand."

That announcement set off a buzz in the court room, though Luke wondered if that sound was just in his ears. He couldn't believe what he was hearing, and he wouldn't have except he saw her. She was walking up to the stand, looking so calm and collected and she didn't seem the least bit sorry to be standing there as a witness for someone who had hurt him deeply.

"Mrs. Snyder do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so help you God?" Bailiff Walker asked as Lily placed her hand on the bible."

"I do."

"Please be seated Mrs. Snyder."

"Could you please state your name for the record?" Mr. Simpson started right in.

"Lily Walsh."

'Can you tell the court your relationship between both Mr. Thompson and Mr. Snyder?"

"Mr. Thompson is my employee, and he is a very impressionable young man. The two of us have struck up a friendship over the past few months."

The thought of Randy and his mom being friends surprised him. Before Christmas he wasn't aware that Randy even knew his mom since she was mostly a silent partner when it came to the studio.

"…My son," Lily's voice reached his ears and he focused again on her answer. "He also works at WOAK, and I am slowly learning that I don't know him as well as I thought I did."

He didn't think his heart could hurt anymore, but those words were like hands squeezing the life right out of him. Did he really want to hear this?

"Can you explain what you mean by this, Ms. Walsh?"

"I mean I don't know my son as well as I thought I did. I never would have thought my son was capable of being so cruel."

Several people gasped to hear Lily speaking that way about her son. Holden looked miffed and he glared daggers at Lily. James was frowning and Noah was watching Luke for his reactions. At the moment his Husband was trying to keep his feelings in check. Lucinda was trying hard to remain quiet. She couldn't believe the words that were coming out of her daughter's mouth, and she felt like she wanted to take the girl and wash her mouth out with soap. What she was doing was just…appalling and Lucinda was going to put her to task for it.

"Will you please tell the court why you think your son is being cruel to Mr. Thompson?": Mr. Simpson asked.

"Randy had a crush on my son and Luke took advantage of it and of him and I for one do not think its right. And to come up with this ridiculous story just to cover up his indiscretions that is tasteless and uncalled for."

"I AM NOT YOU!" The outburst was so sudden that it took even Tom and Noah by surprise. Noah tried to reach out to Luke to pull him down but Luke swatted at his hands and focused on his mom. "Just because you sleep around and screw up your marriage doesn't mean that I would do the same thing. And I can't believe you would sit there and say those things about me and that you'd believe his story over mine."

"Luke calm down," Noah tried again to reach out for Luke. He was getting scared, Luke was trembling and Judge Newcomb was trying to bring the court back to order and Lily was just sitting there…that pissed Noah off to no end.

"Just leave me alone, Noah! Stop telling me to calm…to…" There were tears in his eyes and he suddenly felt very dizzy. He turned slowly focusing on his mom once more. "I hate you," he said as the room began to spin and he felt himself falling. He hit the table quickly and was certain he saw a flash of blue before all went black.


	33. Chapter 33

Luke collapsed with a sickening thud and Noah heard Tom ordering someone to call an ambulance. He felt for a pulse "Tom I don't feel a pulse," he said panicking. "I can't feel his pulse.

"Calm down, Noah," Tom tried to soothe as he himself felt Luke's wrist and his neck. "There's a slight pulse…its very weak but he's still alive.

The paramedics arrived and Noah, Holden, James, Maddie, Lucinda and Tom watched as Luke was lifted on to a stretcher and the paramedics wheeled him out. The judge had adjourned court until further notice, and the rest of the court had been told to keep their seats until the paramedics were done. Lily was standing in the distance watching along with everyone else as the stretcher carrying Luke disappeared. Holden was the first person to see her and he narrowed his eyes as she approached him.

"What Happened? Is he going to be okay?"

"Don't pretend like you care," Holden said between clenched teeth.

"Holden wait," Lily said grabbing his arm."

"I don't have time to deal with you. I have to check on my son." He ripped his arm away from her and stormed out the courtroom. Lily frowned and looked to her mother for answers.

"You've really done it this time," Lucinda snapped at her. "I cannot believe you Darling…this is just unacceptable, unacceptable. How could you do that to your own son? Holden, "she called as she wheeled herself out of the courtroom, "Wait for me darling, I'm going with you."

Noah heard them leave, but he couldn't move from his spot. He was still trying to grasp the fact that they had just carried Luke out of there on a stretcher. Luke, who had looked so…lifeless, had been yelling and crying just moments before. Noah couldn't help but flashback to the conversation he and Luke had just the other day. He couldn't think about that now, he needed to focus on the present…he couldn't lose Luke.

Come on, Noah," he heard Lily say as she placed a hand on his shoulder. "I'll take you to the hospital."

"Get your hands off me," Noah railed turning to face her, his fists clenched. "Don't you dare stand there and act like you care what happens to him or to me. If it wasn't for you he wouldn't be lying on a stretcher heading to the hospital right now. This is all your fault and I don't want you anywhere near the hospital do you understand? I don't want you anywhere near him."

"Noah," James' voice reached his ears but he didn't turn around, not even when he felt his friend's hand on his shoulder?

"How could you do this to him? How could you just dismiss his feelings like that, he's your flesh and blood, Lily!"

"Noah, come on we have to get to the hospital to see about Luke," James tried again.

I swear to god, if anything happens to him because of you I will never forgive you. Ever." There were tears in his eyes but he finally allowed James to pull him away. James wrapped his arm around him, and they left the courthouse.

Maddie was already standing with Holden and Lucinda when James and Noah entered the emergency room. James was telling Noah how strong Luke had been when he was in the hospital and letting him know that it was his turn to return the favor.

"He has to be okay, James," Noah said for the umpteenth time as they reached Luke's dad.

"He will be," James assured him. "Tell him, Luke will e okay," He said looking to Holden, Lucinda and Maddie for back up."

"Of course he will," Holden said, trying to sound cheerful for Noah's sake. The doctor hadn't come out to tell them what was wrong yet…and Luke was still out. Holden had no doubt that he was unconscious…he just worried how deep this went.

"Luke believed you would be okay, even though the doctors thought you wouldn't wake up," Maddie added her two cents. "He's going to be fine, Noah."

"Oh he better be alright," Lucinda seethed. "OR my daughter will have some questions to answer. Serious questions involving her behavior. If any harm comes to that boy…"

"Okay, guys, I know we're all on edge," James interrupted, his voice calm and in control, "but let's not panic until there is need to. I have a feeling that Luke is going to need us a lot in the next few days, and we have to be able to be there for him. So as hard as it may seem, try not to lose your composure."

James' words were met with four reluctant nods and Noah reached out to take his hand. James squeezed it, trying to send some reassurance his way. Noah squeezed back, knowing that James was worried too. Together the five of them waited for the doctor to come out and tell them Luke was okay.

It seemed like hours later before Dr. Hughes walked down the hall toward them. His expression was grim and Noah was the first to rise to his feet. He frowned as he faced the doctor, and barely registered that Holden and James were standing as well. James had his hand resting on Noah's shoulder.

"How is he," Noah asked preparing himself for the worst.

"I'm afraid I don't have good news, Noah," Bob said solemnly. "Luke's condition is very serious. He is in critical condition, and the blow to the head, when he fell, has left him unconscious."

Noah's face fell. He had been standing right there beside Luke when he fell. "I should have caught him," he said as the reality of the situation sunk in. ""Luke's unconscious because I didn't try to catch him."

"Take it easy, Noah, this is by no means your fault," Bob assured him. "With the level of stress Luke has been under, it's a wonder he didn't collapsed before this point."

"Which is not your fault either," James interjected before Noah could say a word. "There's no placing blame here, remember?"

"OH I know who I want to place blame on," Noah muttered under his breath. He sighed and pushed all other thoughts aside and focused on what was important…Luke. "So he's unconscious," he said addressing Bob again. "What do we do? Do we wait to see if he wakes up? And what's his status, is he in critical condition…stable? What?"

"Luke's condition is critical right now, Noah. And I'm afraid all we can do is wait. We're monitoring him now, and keeping an eye on his kidney function. Trust me we are doing all we can for him right now."

'You mean there's nothing we can do?" Noah insisted. "What happens if his kidney stops functioning?"

"We'll cross that bridge when we get there?" Dr. Hughes stated solemnly. "I don't think we want to get ahead of ourselves here"

"But you said Luke is critical," Noah pointed out. He looked around to the others for back up on this. "If Luke's kidney stops functioning, we have to know what to do about that. What does that mean?"

"Bob," Holden spoke up as he placed a hand on Noah's shoulder. "Is that a real danger at this point? Do you think Luke's kidney might be infected?"

""Yes."

"And you're thinking that it's worse than the infection he had in November," Holden questioned.

"I'm afraid so," the doctor concurred.

"What…what is that supposed to mean," Noah wanted to know. "Are you saying Luke could die?"

"Noah, calm down. We don't want to jump to conclusions," James tried to reason with him.

"I can't calm down," Noah said turning so that he faced Holden and James. "I can't calm down when Luke is laying in there and we don't know what's wrong. And Luke's sick again and I can't help him because I don't remember what to do for him while he's sick. And all I want to do is help him, James. I want to help and I can't."

James placed his hands on Noah's shoulders to steady him. "Noah, look at me," He said waiting until Noah's eyes had connected with his. "You have to calm down," he stated. "We will help you, Okay. You can't do this on your own, and that's what we are here for, to help you know what to do, and help you figure out how to best help Luke. You can't fall apart on us. That doesn't help Luke at all."

Noah tried to obey; he wanted to take James' words to heart. He knew in his gut that Luke was going to be okay…because he had to be okay. It still didn't stop the panic. He wondered if this was how Luke had felt. Noah didn't even want to think about Luke being in a coma for five weeks…then he really would go insane.

"Just help me," he pleaded with James. "Tell me what I need to do."

"The first thing you need to do is take a deep breath. Then we are going to ask Dr. Hughes what we need to do and what will best help Luke."

"Okay," Noah said taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly.

"Good," James said soothingly. "Keep breathing. He turned his attention to Dr. Hughes even as his hand continued to make circles on Noah's back. "Would it be okay if Noah went in to see Luke, Doctor? I think he'd feel a lot better if he could see him."

"I think that's a good idea James," Bob conceded. "I don't think that would be a problem. Noah's presence could help."

"Thank you," Noah said as Bob walked with him in the direction of Luke's room.

James watched him go and turned to face Holden Lucinda and Maddie. "And while he's with Luke, it's up to us to figure out what we're going to do to help Noah help Luke."

"At least they have the Advance Directive," Maddie said with a sigh. She crossed her arms and hugged herself as she looked in the direction of her best friend's room. It didn't seem right that Luke was in the hospital yet again. She hated seeing him sick.

"You are absolutely right, James," Holden picked up James' thread of thought. "We are all going to have to work together to take care of both of our boys."

"Yes, it would seem they need us more than ever," Lucinda added. "As for how to help them,, to help Noah, we just need to guide him in the right direction. Only he can make the decisions Luke will need him to make in the next few days."

"Aren't we jumping the gun though," James asked running his hands through his hair. "I mean…it could be a lot better than the doctor is saying, and we could be jumping to conclusions. I think first we need to figure out what to do tomorrow. On one hand the case should be postponed, and on the other hand Luke doesn't need to be there for the rest of it. And that whole farce the defense has gone on needs to end so that Noah can focus completely on Luke."

"You have a point there, dear boy," Lucinda nodded her approval. "Luke may not have to be there, but Noah should be…so even before we get to that, we have a serious matter to attend to, very serious. Noah needs to be aware of Luke's medical history."

"I explained some of that to him," Maddie admitted. "He knows that Luke only has one working kidney…I don't know if he realizes how serious that is though."

"We'll have to explain all Luke's medical history to him," Holden chimed in. "So he'll know what he is truly facing and that won't be easy. I can already see that he is blaming himself for Luke being back here."

James sighed. "I must admit I feel responsible too. I mean I was supposed to be helping him get these things off his chest. Then I added to his worries."

"I wasn't much of a help either," Maddie hugged herself tighter.

"How do we convince Noah this wasn't his fault, Mr. Snyder?"

"Well, hopefully once Noah is aware of all the things that could have put Luke back in this godforsaken hospital, he will understand that he can't take the blame for this. Luke doesn't like to talk about the kidney transplant, and what led to it, but I am sure that he has not been taking care of himself the last month with worrying about this trial and Noah needs to know that."

"And if Luke doesn't' wake up in the next couple of days?" James asked the question that was on all their lips. "What then?"

"James," Lucinda reprimanded, "We cannot think like that, we just cannot. It's unacceptable."

"But it's something we have to face, Ma'am," James insisted. "If his pulse was so weak that Noah couldn't even feel it, and he blacked out like that…" James trailed off not wanting to finish the thought.

"Don't think for even a second that I am not really worried about that," Holden insisted, "but unlike his past hospitalizations he has something to fight to get back to, and that's his Noah. If Luke doesn't wake up in the next couple of days, then we may have to re-evaluate the situation, but one thing I know for sure is that we have to put every bit of support we can behind Noah. We have to encourage him, we need to make sure that he eats and gets rest, even if that means we alternate days and shifts, whatever it takes to make sure that my sons' needs are met I am willing to do."

"As am I," Lucinda agreed, shaking her fist in the air.

"And me," Maddie added. "I'll do whatever I can to help Luke and Noah."

"Yeah, me too," James said softly. "We'll take turns, and make sure that Noah takes care of himself because that's the best way he can take care of Luke right now."

"How is he?" Lily asked, coming up behind Holden. James, Maddie, Lucinda and Holden turned to face Lily head on, with frowns on their faces.

"Well it's nice to see that you actually care about your son," Holden said crossing his arms.

"Holden," Lily said adjusting the strap on her bag.

"You should have thought about that when you were ripping his heart out on that witness stand," Holden cut her off midsentence.

"I was only stating what I know, Holden you can't fault me for that."

Holden laughed bitterly. "I knew that you were pretty selfish. I have seen that first hand, but I never, ever thought that you would intentionally hurt your own son. How could you have done that to him?"

"Where is he?" Lily asked looking to her mother for answers since she was getting nowhere with Holden.

"Don't look to me for sympathy," Lucinda scoffed at her.

"Oh Mother not you too."

"Don't you take that tone with me. I am appalled, just appalled at your behavior today, darling. Don't you understand what you did? You broke your son's heart, not once but twice and you think nothing of it. What is wrong with you?"

"You know what Lucinda," Holden sighed, "Don't even waste your breath. It was plainly obvious today in court where Lily's priorities stand, and it is certainly not with Luke. I will make sure that Noah makes it known that Lily is not to be anywhere near Luke, and I really don't think convincing Noah of that will be a problem at all."

"You can't keep me away from my son, Holden," Lily said through gritted teeth."

"Maybe he can't, but I can." Everyone was a little surprised to see Noah walking towards them, his blue eyes blazing as he focused on his target. The anger he had reigned in, coupled with the fear and anxiety he felt over Luke's current condition was at its' boiling point. Everyone stood aside as he stopped in front of Lily who straightened up to her full height. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to check on Luke. I want to make sure he's alright. Can I go see him?"

"No."

James swallowed, and thanked his lucky stars he was not on Noah's bad side. the temperature dropped at least 50 degrees with the utterance of just that word.

"You can't keep me away from my son, Noah. I don't know who you think you are-"

"I'm his husband," Noah raged. "And you, Lily, are the reason Luke is here, and when he can make a determination of whether he wants you in his life I can almost guarantee that his answer will be good bye."

"What do you mean when he can make a determination? What did you do to my son?"

"What did YOU do to him, Lily? How could you get up there on that witness stand and call your son a liar? How could you sit there and pretend like nothing happened to him and that he was making it up for some nonsensical reason that that bastard told you? How could you believe that man over y our own flesh and blood? How could you just sit there, when Luke fell and hit his head on the table? How could you do that?"

"Okay Noah that's enough," James said holding Noah back before he did something he would regret."

"You stay away," Noah ranted, pointing a finger at Lily even as James pulled him backwards. "I don't want you anywhere near, Luke do you understand that. He doesn't need any negative influences right now. When you're ready to be a real mom you can come back, and maybe if you are lucky he'll actually want you. Now go."

"Not until you tell me what's wrong with Luke," Lily said tears in her eyes but Noah was beyond caring about the tears. Seeing Luke lying so still in the hospital bed with the catheter and the IV attached to him had snapped something inside.

"He's unconscious, and right now we don't know if he's going to wake up. Now go away and thinka bout what YOU did, and remember that you caused this." He roughly removed himself from James' arms and stalked back to Luke's room, leaving Lily standing there looking about as stunned as James, Lucinda, Maddie and Holden felt.

"I think you should go, Darling," Lucinda said breaking the silence that followed Noah's tirade.

"Mother,"

"No, don't mother me, darling. Just go…you're not wanted here right now."

There were tears in his eyes as he sat down, and took Luke's hand into his. He brought the limp fingers to his lips before folding it beneath his chin. He was a lot calmer now that he was sitting here by Luke's side. His breathing was back to normal, but the tears…they didn't stop falling.

"I just yelled at your mother," he whispered, his voice raspy from screaming. "I hope you won't be mad at me about that…but I just couldn't stand there and listen to her pretending like she cares. And I won't talk about her to you if you don't want me to. I just…I want you to wake up, Luke. Don't you know that I need you here? I need you to tell me what to do and how to do it. Though I get the feeling that you would tell me I can do anything…I wish I could believe that right now."

Noah closed his eyes for a moment and tried to focus. He had remembered that Luke was in the hospital before, and he could recall sitting by his bedside just like this. He wished he could remember what he said then. He wanted to recall the words he had used to tell Luke what he was feeling. If only he could remember."

"I don't know what to say," He confessed a few minutes later. "I know I should just talk to you, but I don't have words for what I want to tell you. Is that crazy Luke? I wish I could remember what I did before. Did I ever have the words? Was I good at telling you how I felt, or was it always this hard? Should I be talking to you like it's just another normal day, or do I beg and plead with you to open those brown eyes and look at me? I don't know what I'm doing really, but I know that sitting here next to you is giving me a lot of strength and I guess that's good. I'm going to do what I can to help you Luke, but you have to give me a sign…let me know what I can do. If I could get my memory back I would. If it would help I can work on those exercises and try to recall all the times we have spent together."

He felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up to see Holden standing beside him. He allowed a faint smile to cross his lips before turning back to Luke. "Your dad is here, and I'm going to let him talk to you for a bit okay? I'll be back though. I love you Luke." He leaned forward and kissed his husband's forehead before relinquishing his chair to Holden.

Holden pulled Noah into a hug and held on tight. Noah slowly let his arms wrap around the older man and clung to him for a moment before pulling away. "Be strong, Noah. Luke needs us to be strong for him right now."

"I'll be strong for you too, sir," Noah said earnestly. "I have a feeling Luke would want me to take care of you, and I'm…I'm glad that you love me too."

"Thank you, Noah. I'm proud to call you my son."

"Drink this," James said pressing a Styrofoam cup into his hands. Noah took it gratefully but didn't make a move to sip from the hot liquid. He was staring straight ahead as James sat beside him. Maddie was on the phone letting others know what was going on with Luke, and Lucinda was speaking with Dr. Bob about Luke's care. Noah was just glad they were all around, he didn't know what he would do without them.

"We were supposed to talk tonight," He said, not speaking to anyone in particular. He took a sip of his coffee, and continued to stare straight ahead. "He was going to talk to me about our past…I had a memory about that day I kissed him…and we were going to talk about it."

"What did you remember?" James asked softly.

Noah took another sip of coffee and closed his eyes momentarily. With a sigh he opened his eyes and turned to face his friend. "I dated Maddie."

"Ah," James said keeping his voice neutral. "You remember that?"

"Kinda," Noah admitted sadly. "The day Luke and I kissed, I was supposed to meet my father and Maddie for Lunch. And I was running late…Luke helped me with my tie."

James watched as Noah got lost in the memory, a smile playing on his lips. It was good that Noah was regaining his memory of certain things. His relationship with Maddie was a complicated part of how he came to be with Luke. James just hoped that somehow Noah would understand it all and not get confused. Right now it was difficult to tell.

"My father liked Maddie because she was a girl," Noah said speaking his thoughts out loud. He was frowning, and he could feel James eyes on him. "I…I was trying to please him, and playing by his playbook." He shook his head, trying to comprehend what he was remembering. "James," he said once again facing the green eyes head on. "Did I…did I hurt Maddie?"

James frowned, that question was very heavy-handed and needed to be handled delicately. There was a thin line drawn here, an invisible one that would decide just how Noah would react to the answer. Yes he had hurt Maddie and Luke too, but truthfully that was irrelevant since both parties had forgiven him a long time ago. That didn't mean anything to Noah however who had no memory of such forgiveness. To learn the truth now would hurt…but there was no way that James couldn't tell him…he had asked directly.

"Please, James," Noah implored. "I need to know if I hurt her, and you're probably the only one who can tell me."

James sighed; he knew Noah was right about that fact at least. "It's complicated, Noah."

"I don't see how it can be that complicated," Noah said running a frustrated hand through his hair. "Either she hated me or she didn't right?"

"She was upset," James admitted, keeping his tone light, but she forgave you…and so did Luke."

"I hurt them both?" Noah frowned.

James nodded. "It was an unavoidable situation Noah, but the thing you have to realize is that you were hurting yourself too. At the time, you were trying to play by a different set of rules, and you were fighting your feelings for Luke, and confusing the feelings you had for Maddie."

"By making them seem romantic so I could please my dad, right?"

"Yeah, exactly"

"I'm sorry. James. I didn't mean to hurt her."

"I know, Noah…and she knows that too. You two have a great friendship that I know she misses. And she wouldn't have helped you out the way she did, If she was still upset with you."

"You mean after my mistake?" Noah asked referring to the incident that triggered this crazy chain of events."

"That wasn't completely your fault either, you know," James reminded him.

"I know," Noah sighed. "I just can't help but think about that, and realize that I really could have hurt him."

"But you didn't," James was adamant and Noah had come to know he didn't argue when James used that tone. "You shouldn't dwell on that, Noah…you can't because you need to be here in the now for Luke's sake. He needs you to be the strong one, understand?"

"Yes."

"Am I going to have to tell you that again," James asked softening his tone."

"Yes, unless you get sick of me first," Noah said shyly.

"We're brothers, Noah; even if I did get sick of you…I'm stuck with you." James smiled, and was pleased to see a smile cross Noah's lips as well.

"Thanks James; for standing by us through all of this. We really appreciate it."

"No thanks necessary."

"And thank you for not judging me," Noah continued. "I mean, you should hate me, but you don't and I don't know how to really tell you that means so much to me."

"Well you and Luke mean a lot to me, probably more then I can fully convey right now."

"And Maddie?" Noah asked treading lightly.

"I miss Maddie," James admitted…"But when I think about letting her back into my heart it just starts to hurt again. And that fear comes back. I don't think I'm ready, but I'm never going to stop loving her."

"Do you tell her that?" Noah asked.

"Yeah, James replied. I figure I can't tell Luke to be honest with you, if I'm not honest myself right?"

"Yeah I think that's how that works," Noah agreed. "Luke and I try to tell each other everything, and I wish Maddie would have realized she should do the same thing, but I can tell that she loves you, and if I have to I will make sure she proves that to you.":

James smiled. "You have more important things to worry about then my love life, but I thank you for that."

Noah sighed. "I guess I have to figure out what to do about the trial right?" he asked sadly "I mean honestly, I'm glad that Luke isn't going to be able to be there. I don't think he needs to hear his Mother's testimony."

"I agree," James said nodding, "but you need to be there to represent him."

"But he needs me here," Noah protested. "How can I be here for him if I am in court all day. What if he wakes up and he needs me James."

"That's why we have phones," James replied calmly. "Look I'm worried about Luke too, and I want him to be alright, just as much as you do. But if Luke wakes up and this trial isn't over, then…"

"No, you don't have to say it," Noah sighed. "If this trial isn't finished, then we risk Luke coming back to court and getting worse…if he wakes up at all." Noah frowned and put his head down. James placed a hand on his shoulder and gave it a squeeze.

"Luke didn't give up on you, so don't you go giving up on him. He will wake up and we'll give him one less thing to worry about. We're going to take turns being here with him, okay? And we're going to take turns being there for you too."

"I'll be okay," Noah said none too convincingly.

"Yeah, you will be, in the long run. That's why you have us here, Noah…lean on us okay? I know that can be hard; god knows I'm learning how to do it too."

"Then can we learn together?" Noah asked looking into those expressive green eyes again.

"I think we can do that," James said giving Noah's shoulder another squeeze.

Noah yawned and rubbed his eyes as he sat behind the prosecution desk. It was Wednesday morning, day three of the trial, and court was in session. He'd been sitting by Luke's side for most of the night, and had caught just enough sleep to make him alert for the day ahead. James, who was sitting behind him in the gallery, had plied him with coffee and reminded him that he needed to do this for Luke. He rubbed his eyes again and sighed, it was going to be a long day…and all he really wanted to do was sit by Luke's side. Maddie was there with him now. Holden was in the courtroom as well, he would be by Luke's side after morning testimonies.

"Mr. Hughes, are you certain that you wish to continue today?" Judge Newcomb inquired. "I see that your client is absent from the court."

"Your Honor, unfortunately my client is unable to be here today, and I am afraid he won't be returning to the court. I feel that his presence is not necessarily however since he has already testified about what was done to him. His husband is here to represent him, and I would like to get this resolved as soon as possible, so that they can move on with their lives."

"Very well, Mr. Hughes" Judge Newcomb acknowledged. Ms. Walsh you are still under oath," he said turning to Lily. Mr. Simpson you may resume your questioning.

"Ms. Walsh, can you tell us why you feel Mr. Snyder is not telling the truth, and why you are certain that he has just made up this claim to cover an indiscretion."

"It wouldn't be the first time my son has come up with a crazy story to hide his wrong doings," Lily insisted. "He's a creative one, my son. He can spin a tale pretty quickly and usually garner a lot of sympathy for it."

"Can you give us an example of this type of behavior so that the court may understand that this is not the first time Mr. Snyder has exhibited this behavior?"

"Two years ago, he led my ex-husband and me to believe that he was dating this girl whom he was very much in love with. I even had the misfortune of catching them in bed together. Once she was threatening to reveal some secret my son was keeping, but he conveniently fainted before she could."

Noah frowned. Somehow he was certain that wasn't exactly what had happened. Luke wasn't that much of a drama queen; his emotions were always forthright, and if he fainted at any point, then it meant something was wrong. Noah didn't like that thought.

Holden was seeing red. He couldn't believe that Lily had the audacity to sit up there and say these things about her own son. Lucinda sat by her son-in-law's side and gripped his arm as she listened to her daughter's words. She could hardly believe the things coming out of Lily's mouth. It made her sad and she wondered when her daughter had become so heartless.

"So your son has a history of lying and hurting people then? Is that what you are saying, Ms. Walsh. Can you tell the court anything else?"

"I am sorry to say that my son does indeed know how to twist the truth to suit him," lily said with a sigh. When he was younger I thought it was adorable to see how quickly he could get out of being caught with his hand in the cookie jar. I suppose I didn't reprimand him enough, for he has continued to be sneaky."

"Is that how he ended up on a trip to Mexico that in the end made him sick?" Mr. Simpson questioned.

"Yes, he became ill because he snuck onto a plane owned by my boyfriend at the time. Holden and I had to go after him and the next thing we know, Luke needs to have a kidney transplant."

"And tell me about Kevin?"

Noah blinked, that name sounded familiar to him for some reason, but he wasn't quite sure why. He felt James' hand on his shoulder and gritted his teeth. HE was seething, and if not for James he would have gotten up to say something. Why was she saying all of these things about Luke?

"Kevin was Luke's best friend."

"Was?" Mr. Simpson repeated. "Why the past tense?"

"Because Luke ruined their friendship with his lies," Lily explained. His father and I weren't the only ones he was lying to. He was caught one too many times with Kevin when they weren't supposed to be together, it was forbidden by us and Kevin's parents. This just comes to show that Luke had no respect for authority."

"Was there a specific incident that ended the friendship?"

"Kevin's parents caught them fooling around and they decided that they needed to send Kevin away."

"And what happened to Kevin because of this?"

"Kevin was killed. The Davis family blames Luke."

The court room exploded with noise and Noah barely registered that the judge was trying to bring back order. He was trying to wrap his head around what Lily had just said. It made no sense, none whatsoever in his mind. He turned his head to catch James' reaction and noticed that his friend seemed just as shocked as he was. Holden's expression was grim and Lucinda looked like she was ready to kill.

"Tell us Ms. Walsh," Mr. Simpson's voice caught Noah's attention again. "What is it you think happened on the night in question?"

"I believe that Luke met up with Randy at WOAK and they slept together. Luke was a willing participant, and took full advantage of what Randy was willing to give him freely. This is a very distasteful way to assuage himself of guilt because he willingly cheated on Noah."

"That's a Lie!" Noah exclaimed standing up in his seat, his fists clenched. "Why are you doing this?"

Two sets of hands touched him and held on tight even as he tried to squirm free. He heard that gavel sounding again and he just wanted to rail at Lily.

"Noah, this is not helping Luke," James voice reached his ears. "You have to sit down or the Judge won't let you be in here."

"Don't worry Noah; let me do what Luke is paying me to do okay?" Tom said squeezing his arm.

"Okay, okay, sorry." Noah said sitting down, his blue eyes glaring daggers at Lily.

"Mr. Simpson, are you done with this witness?" Judge Newcomb asked.

"Yes Your Honor, no further questions."

"Mr. Hughes do you have questions for the witness.

"Ms. Walsh, will you please tell the court your reaction to finding out your son was gay?" Tom asked.

"I was shocked when I found out?" Lily admitted. "To be honest, I wouldn't accept it…couldn't accept that this was the path my son had chosen."

And is it not true that when your son most needed you, you were nowhere to be found?"

"What does that have to do with anything?" Lily asked defensively.

"Let the record show," Tom continued, "that during Noah's six week hospital stay Ms. Walsh did not check on her son or son-in-law a single time."

"I didn't think my presence would be wanted there," Lily admitted.

"And why was that, Ms. Walsh?"

"Because, Luke never liked when his father and I split up. I was sure Holden had told him, and didn't think he wanted to see me."

Noah was glad that Luke wasn't here to hear any of this. He also couldn't believe that Lily was saying any of it. She was making excuses, and trying to make herself seem sympathetic when she only managed to sound pathetic. And in Noah's mind there was no excuse for her not coming to the hospital…nothing should have kept her away.

"Did you even think to call and check on your son, knowing that stressful times can result in health issues?"

"I knew he had his father there," Lily stated.

"And it never occurred to you that Mr. Thompson never asked after Luke and Noah."

Lily opened her mouth to speak but wasn't sure what she really wanted to say. It hadn't occurred to her that randy didn't ask about Luke or Noah after Christmas. She never actually gave it much thought. She hated being in this courtroom…she just wanted to escape back to her home, and back to Dusty.

"I figured he didn't need to ask me how they were, he saw them. Otherwise he would have asked me."

"Isn't it true, Ms. Walsh that the reason for your pending divorce from Mr. Snyder is due to your continued extra-marital affair that you have been so focused on, that you just don't seem to have time for any of your children, especially one who you have readily admitted that you can't accept his lifestyle?"

"You have no right to question my love for my children." Lily defended.

"So you say you love your children, yet you sat on the witness stand and destroyed your son to the point he is now laying in a hospital unconscious. Isn't it true that the only reason you posted the bail money and are sitting here defending Mr. Thompson is because Mr. Thompson threatened to spread lies about you and your lover?"

"I object Your Honor, the council should not be questioning the witness's reasons for anything," Mr. Simpson said firmly.

"Your Honor, I am simply trying to show that Ms. Walsh has had no contact with her son and that she is very susceptible to be blackmailed for her testimony."

"Motion overruled. Answer the question, Ms. Walsh."

"Yes." Lily admitted her voice barely audible."

Tom stepped back from the stand. "Your Honor, motion to strike Ms. Walsh's entire testimony from the record, on the grounds that she was coerced into it."

"Motion granted. Ms. Walsh you may step down Ms. Walsh. Mr. Simpson, do you have any other witnesses to bring forth?"

No, Your Honor," Mr. Simpson said taking his seat. "The defense rests."

"Mr. Hughes does the prosecution have anything further to add to this case?"

"Your Honor I move for a early recess and we resume court tomorrow?"

Judge Newcomb nodded that idea and faced the court head on. "This court is in recess for the rest of the day. We will reconvene tomorrow morning at 9:00am sharp."

"All rise," Bailiff Walker," ordered as Judge Newcomb struck his gavel. Noah remained seated as the court cleared out. He was afraid that if he stood up just now he would do something stupid, like attack someone. There were a few people he wanted to pummel at the moment, and all three of them were still in the courtroom.

"Hey," he was startled by the hand on his shoulder and turned to see James was looking at him. "Where did you go, it's time to get out of here."

"What," Noah said looking around. The courtroom was empty except for him and James. When had that happened?

"Okay, come on," James said pulling him to his feet. "I am taking you back to the apartment, you look like you could use a few hours of relaxation."

"But Luke," Noah protested. "I have to get back to the hospital."

"Mr. Snyder is going to be sitting with Luke for the next few hours, just like planned," James explained. "You are going to go home, take a shower and watch a movie to unwind. Then you can go to the hospital and spend the evening with Luke. I think tomorrow this case will go to the Jury which will be good, and maybe just maybe we'll have good news for Luke when he wakes up."

"Okay, Noah said agreeably. "You've convinced me. It would be nice to go home and relax for a minute. Will you stay with me?"

"If you would like, I think I can manage that," James smiled as they left the courtroom together. ":Actually I don't think Luke would be happy with me if I left you by yourself."

Noah smiled. "He does worry about me a lot, and I worry about him too."

"Luke worries about all the people he cares about," James agreed. "He's a good guy."

"Yeah…I love him," Noah sighed. "So much and I just don't want to face another day without him here."

James didn't say much on the drive home. He just allowed Noah to speak his mind. It wasn't hard to tell that his friend missed having Luke to talk to. Luke was like that, he was a generous listener, and when it came to Noah…that seemed to be tri-fold. Noah was talking about having egg shells in his hair by the time James pulled into the apartment complex.

"How did you manage to get egg shells in your hair again?" he asked a smile playing on his lips.

"Let's just say I'm a klutz," Noah said as he opened the passenger side door. "Only I could manage to knock egg shells off the counter and have them fall right into my hair."

James grinned. "It could have been worse. You could have been slimed." He laughed at the face Noah made and they headed up to the apartment. It felt nice to laugh for a change.

His hair was still damp as he entered the living room, his bare feet sinking into the carpet as he made his way to the couch. He settled down on the couch with his right leg tucked beneath him and reached for the note he spotted on the coffee table. James had stepped out to get them something to eat, and he would be back shortly. Noah smiled, thinking it was nice of his friend to leave a note so he wouldn't worry. James had suggested that he watch a movie or something, but he wasn't in the mood for a film. There were things he needed to do, and right now he wanted to do something that would help Luke.

He figured that the best way he could help at the moment was to work on getting his memory back. IF he worked harder at that, then he would be able to recover quicker...at least that was the hope. He leaned over the chair to get his bag, which was sitting where he had left it. This bag, which he carried with him most places, contained triggers that were supposed to help jog his memory. He had scripts and tapes from the station, as well as small odds and ends Luke had wanted him to practice with.

He had read through one of the scripts before, but it didn't bring back anything. It was a good script, and he had told Luke that the scriptwriter was excellent. Luke had chuckled at that response, but he didn't tell Noah why it made him laugh. Noah assumed it was something else he needed to remember on his own. He was looking for this script when he came across a tape he didn't recognize. He frowned as he looked at it; every tape Luke had given him was labeled except for this one.

"Where did this tape come from"" he said out loud as he tried to remember when it could have gotten into his bag. "Oh wait," he continued as he thought back to a few weeks ago. He could remember picking up the tape and sticking it in his bag while he was talking to Jack at the station. That had been right before his fight with Randy. He frowned and looked down at the tape again. That had been a month ago…he had forgotten all about it. "I guess there's no time like the present to look at this," he said sighing as he got up to pop the tape into the VCR. "

The picture started as he settled back onto the couch folding his leg beneath him, his shoulder on the armrest. A picture of Luke appeared on the screen. He was sitting at a desk and it looked like he was writing something. Noah frowned as he continued to watch; he felt like he was watching a movie, but that didn't seem quite right. He watched as Luke looked up and began talking to someone just off camera. A few minutes later the person came into view and Noah recognized him right away.

It was Randy.

He was riveted as he watched Randy talk to Luke, and he wondered why it seemed that they were being filmed from above. It seemed like an odd directorial choice to him. Things got interesting when Randy pulled Luke up for a hug and then after Luke leaned in, accepting the embrace, Randy tried to kiss him. Luke immediately tried to push him away, and Noah started to realize that he wasn't watching a movie.

That became even more apparent when Luke pushed Randy away yet again, and tried to move. Randy grabbed his arm and yanked Luke back to him, and Noah winced at how tight that grip seemed from his vantage point. Luke continued to struggle, but Randy wasn't letting go. His hands touched Luke continually, and Noah just watched. He wasn't feeling anything…he could barely breathe. His eyes were focused solely on the TV screen, even as he watched Randy rip Luke's shirt and pull him down to the ground. So focused was he on what he was watching, he didn't hear James re-enter the apartment.

James glanced at the TV upon his return from the kitchen where he had dropped off the food. His eyes widened at what was playing out on the screen and he quickly grabbed the remote out of Noah's hands and switched it off. There were tears running down Noah's cheeks; the only visible sign of emotion James could make out on his face. He touched Noah's shoulder and shook him lightly, trying to get him to look at him. "Noah, come on, say something."

After what seemed like ages, Noah turned and was startled to see James sitting there. "You need to call Tom," he announced his voice sounding mechanical. "Tell him we have the tape, and he needs to put me on the witness stand again."


	34. Chapter 34

"They need my permission to perform surgery on you, and I'm going to give it to them." His tone was solemn as he sat by Luke's bedside, holding his hand as he did every day since his collapse. The steady beeping of the machine was the only other sound in the room. Noah had thought long and hard about the decision he had to make. It was the right one…it was the only one. "I have to tell you something, and I don't want you to be scared or frightened by my words. I'm not going to be here…not physically when you come out of surgery. I'll be with you in more ways than one, when this is all said and done…and I hope you aren't mad at me when you wake up. I hope you will understand that this was just something I needed to do…and it was the only way to help you."

He leaned in to kiss Luke's forehead, his nose and finally his lips which were too cold for his liking. Tears filled his eyes as he squeezed the limp hand of the man he loved. "I love you, Luke Snyder, for now and always. Remember that, and know that it's not going to change."

"Noah."

Dr. Hughes voice drew his eyes away from Luke and he nodded his assent before turning back to his husband. "I have to go now, Luke…but I'll be thinking about you. I'll see you soon, baby." He leaned in and kissed Luke's forehead once more before standing to follow Dr. Hughes out of the room.

"Okay, Noah I need you to close your eyes and start counting backwards."

"Okay. Ten," Noah started as his eyes closed. He felt the slight prick of the needle as it was pressed into his flesh. "Eight…seven…six," he continued his countdown, his eyelids growing heavy, his speech becoming slurred as his mind began to detach.

*flash*

"All rise," Bailiff Walker announced, "The honorable Judge Newcomb presiding."

Noah closed his eyes and let out a breath as he stood beside Tom, waiting with the rest of the court to be seated. It was the third and hopefully the final day of the trial, and he had butterflies in his stomach. He had insisted on visiting Luke before coming to the courthouse, hoping to ease his fears just a little. Seeing Luke had been great, but he was still worried about what he needed to do. Tom and James had asked him repeatedly if he was certain about this. The video tape, Tom had explained would be enough to convict Randy, but Noah knew he needed to do this…for Luke.

"Please be seated. Mr. Hughes, I've been informed that you have more evidence to bring forth in this case?" Judge Newcomb asked once everyone had been seated.

"Yes, Your Honor," Tom said glancing at Noah once before he stood. The prosecution has uncovered new evidence and I would like to recall one of my witnesses to the stand, if it should please the court."

"You may proceed, Mr. Hughes."

"Your Honor, the prosecution calls Noah Mayer to the stand."

Noah stood and made his way to the front of the courtroom. The distance between the prosecution desk and the stand was considerably short, but to Noah it seemed like miles before he made it to the bailiff. He stepped up to the stand and placed his hand on the bible, swearing to tell the truth before taking a seat.

"Mr. Mayer," Tom started, "Can you please tell the court what has changed since you last testified here."

"I have recovered some more of my memories," Noah admitted, a frown setting across his lips. He hoped that was what Tom was asking him. They hadn't really had a chance to rehearse any of this beforehand.

"Noah, can you tell us what memories you have recovered that are pertinent to this case?"

"Yes, sir," Noah said fixing his gaze on the gallery, where James and Maddie were sitting. "I can remember December 17th and December 22nd. The latter is the day Luke told me what happened to him."

"Noah, please tell the court what you have remembered."

"Well on that Monday, Luke came to the station and he seemed really scared. Randy and I were in the office when Luke came in and said he missed me but he couldn't stay. He turned and ran and I ran after here. Maddie thought he was running from me, and I thought the same…I didn't know what was wrong, and I didn't find out until Saturday."

"What happened on Saturday?"

Noah bit his lip as he tried to order the thoughts in his head. So much had hit him at once as he watched that video tape…it was hard to keep it all straight. "On Saturday I was looking for Luke. I had barely seen him over the past week, and it worried me. I…I didn't know what to make of his behavior but it made me sad. I talked to Luke's brother that day, and my…my father came over to tell me that Luke was gay….and I told him I was too."

"What was your father's reaction to the news, Noah?"

"He thought I was lying and he said there was no way I could be with Luke because Luke was kissing someone like him, the night before Thanksgiving. I kicked him out and I was watching something on TV when Luke finally made it home. And I confronted him. I totally expected him to reveal that he had cheated on me; I just wanted him to tell me the truth. But as it turned out, his truth was far stranger than fiction."

Noah, can you explain what you mean by that?" Tom prodded gently. "Tell the court what Luke told you that evening."

"I asked Luke why he chose Randy over me…and that's when he told me that Randy kissed him. And there was just something about his voice that night…it was as if he was resigned to some fate I didn't understand at the time. He admitted that Randy kissed him, but he never said he kissed back. He told me he didn't want to, that he wasn't there…" Noah shook his head, as he remembered the sound of Luke's voice on that night. It had been so low…almost inaudible, and he had sounded so scared. "HE apologized and said he never meant for this to happen. And that's when I asked him to explain it to me, because I wanted to understand."

"Alright Noah, you're doing good. Continue your story."

"First, Luke explained to me why he was upset that night. It was all about the timing. I…I shouldn't have hit him in front of company…that was what Aaron had told me earlier too." he took a deep breath and shook his head. He was getting off track. "Anyway, he explained what happened after he left the apartment. He had gone to work and he was working on something for me. He said he didn't know that Randy was going to be there. Randy came and Luke apologized for earlier. He said Randy gave him a hug, and I remember Luke kept saying that it was just a hug. It was just a hug. And then he told me Randy kissed him, and he pushed him away, but Randy wouldn't stop. At this point in the story Luke started to tremble, he was so scared…it was like he was reliving something and at the time I didn't know what."

Once again Noah paused and tried to gather his thoughts. The picture was playing in his head; he just needed to translate it into words. "He told me what Randy said….that Luke owed him something and it was time for him to stop playing games and then he kissed him again. He told me about the struggle and how he tried to get away, but Randy is bigger than him…and Luke was recovering from his kidney infection so he wasn't up to full strength. Luke told me he heard the phone rang but he couldn't answer it because Randy wouldn't let go. That phone call was me…I wanted Luke to come home."

"Noah, did Luke tell you what happened after the phone rang?"

"He was really distraught after that," Noah explained. "He kept apologizing to me, saying he didn't mean for it to happen. He said he didn't want Randy to touch him, and he didn't want to betray me and he was so sorry. And then he just started crying and he explained how he made it home and slept in his clothes because he couldn't come to me…not after what Randy had done."

"Noah you are doing great." Tom encouraged. "I know this is very hard for you to recall, especially since for you it is reliving it all over again. What else can you tell the court about that evening?"

"He told me about Randy calling him the next day," Noah explained. "He said Randy told him that I asked him to check in. And he told me about crushing the cell phone after Randy's third call. And he kept blaming himself for what happened, and he thought he had betrayed our wedding vows Luke felt so ashamed about what happened and I spent the rest of that weekend trying to convince him that he didn't do anything wrong."

"Noah is there anything else that you have remembered that might have any bearing on this case?"

"Yes sir," Noah replied. "I…I only remembered most of this yesterday…after I watched it on tape."

"What tape are you talking about, Noah?"

"I think it's a security tape from the station…I found it in my bag yesterday."

"Noah do you have this tape with you?"

"Yes sir," Noah lifted up a paper bag that no one had noticed he was carrying. He could hear the gasps in the courtroom and the judge's gavel sounded in his ears. "Here's the tape…I even rewound it to where I started watching it."

"Your Honor," Tom said addressing the judge, "The prosecution would like to submit this tape into evidence."

"So noted, Mr. Hughes, please continue."

"Your Honor we would like to play this tape for the court. I would like for this court to be closed and no one other than the immediate parties involved be present."

Judge Newcomb nodded and turned to address the court. "AT this time I would like all spectators to exit the courtroom."

Soon Noah found himself in the courtroom with Tom, Judge Newcomb, Randy, Mr. Simpson and the Jury. He bit his lip as a TV was wheeled in and the tape was placed in the VCR. Noah showed no emotion as the video played. Instead he watched the reactions of everyone else in the room. Mr. Simpson sat with his arms crossed, Randy looked too relaxed for Noah's liking, but that was to be expected. The Jury wasn't reacting at all…they were stoic, though Noah did see one of the woman dab at her eyes.

"I have no further questions, Your Honor." Tom's voice caught Noah off guard. He watched the District Attorney turn off the TV and remove the tape from the VCR. He handed the tape over to the Bailiff and returned to his seat, and Noah took another deep breath. It was Mr. Simpson's turn, and Noah was not going to let the man intimidate him.

"MR. Simpson do you have any questions for this witness?"

"Yes Your Honor, Mr. Mayer, isn't it just a little convenient that you only came across this tape yesterday?"

"No," Noah said shaking his head. "It was in my bag, and I haven't exactly been focusing on my memory exercises so I had no reason to look in there."

"And you just so happen to find this tape the day after your husband takes a dive on the table here. I'm sorry Mr. Mayer, I don't buy it."

"I really don't care what you don't buy, Mr. Simpson. But if you would like to know how I come to have this tape, I suggest you ask me the questions. And please do not insult my husband when he is not here to defend himself."

"Mr. Mayer," Mr. Simpson said seeming almost reluctant to continue, "How did you come to be in possession of the tape."

"On March 17th, "Noah explained. "Jack and I were in the security office and I gave him a stack of tapes, left by Greg, the head of security. And there was a tape laying by itself that Jack pointed out to me. I told him I would take care of it, and I put it in my bag. Jack thanked me and left, and then I was about to leave when I heard someone else in the room. I turned out to be Randy."

"So you just put this video tape in your bag and took it home with you? Is that the normal policy for the TV station to allow employees to take home security tapes?"

"Part of my job as a director's assistant is to review all tapes that are not labeled, and give them the proper title. As far as I was concerned this was a tape that was out of place. So I took it to view. Unfortunately circumstances beyond my control have prevented me from viewing the tape until yesterday afternoon."

Mr. Simpson sighed and changed the direction of his questioning. "You said Mr. Thompson was at the studio that day, did he indicate to you why he was there?"

"He said he was hiding because I startled him," Noah responded. "He said he was making sure the tapes were labeled properly and now that he was finished he could go. He was supposed to be in court that morning with Luke."

"Your Honor, motion to strike this evidence from the record. It was not obtained legally and the defense was given no opportunity to prepare for this."

"Your Honor, as the witness has already stated, he only found the tape last night in his bag. There is nothing illegal about this tape, as you saw it is indeed date stamped with the night in question, at the specified time. "

"If I may sir," Noah interrupted, "I think I can figure out how this tape came to be blank. I mean there is a tape that the police have that has the dates of this tape on it. And Greg, from what Luke and Maddie told me, is not irresponsible with the tapes at all. There wouldn't have been a blank one sitting around unless someone switched the labels or tried to. Otherwise it would have been in the pile that I gave to Jack that morning."

"Mr. Hughes do you think you could get a hold of those tapes, I would like to check out this young man's theory. And as for you Mr. Simpson, your motion is denied."

Noah was still sitting on the stand when Jack entered the courtroom with the stack of tapes he had picked up over a month ago. He handed the items to the judge who sat examining the tapes, along with the one without a label.

"Mr. Hughes, please approach the bench," Judge Newcomb said some time later. Tom moved to the front and Noah watched as the two men engaged in conversation. He couldn't make out what they were talking about, but Tom did look in his general direction a couple of times.

"Noah," Tom called grabbing his attention. "I need you to tell me, son, everything you remember about the day you found this tape. From how you came to be in the room, to what happened when you left the room. Can you do that for me?"

Noah nodded. "I was in the security office that morning doing Greg a favor," he explained. "I knew the tapes were ready, because Greg had explained what I would find. There were six tapes, all dated for the week of the 19th for different times. The tape that was most important was November 21, 2007 6pm to 12am. I pointed to the stack of tapes and Jack picked them up. He noticed that there was a tape out of place. Since it had no label I told Jack I would take care of it and I placed it in my bag. Jack left and I heard a noise. And that's when Randy came out of hiding."

"And what happened after that, Noah. After you asked Randy why he was there, what happened?"

"We were talking," Noah explained, "and Randy made a comment about being the only one to get into Luke's pants. I told him he could go to hell and he grabbed me."

"What happened when he grabbed you, Noah?"

"He grabbed me and turned me around," Noah amended, "I had a memory flash."

"Randy's touch triggered a memory for you?" Tom clarified.

"Yes, sir. I remembered who caused my accident."

"Tell us about that, Noah."

"I remember the SUV coming toward me, and I recall swerving before I was forced out of the car…and I landed in the snow. Someone turned me over and at first I only saw the blond hair…which made me think it was Luke. Until I saw the blue eyes."

"Your husband has brown eyes, correct?"

"Yes sir."

"Go on, Noah."

"I noticed the eyes…right before I blacked out. And I saw the face before impact…it was Randy who hit me. He caused my accident and then left me there." Noah shook his head. "And I know that's irrelevant to this case, but not completely. I remembered something else about the night in question."

"Go ahead son, you've gone this far."

"I punched Randy that night because he called Luke a cock tease and said he deserved to be pinned to the floor…" Noah licked his lips and frowned. He didn't really want to repeat the words he had heard in his head last night. But the Jury needed to hear them. He took a deep breath. "He said Luke should be pinned to the floor and…and fucked hard continuously until he learned his lesson."

The case was rested soon after his testimony, and Noah sat behind the prosecution desk listening to closing arguments. Tom talked about all the major points brought out by the testimonies. He discussed Luke's words, and even Luke's absence. The tape seemed to be the main thing Tom wanted the Jury to remember; the tape and the love between Luke and his mate. There was no doubt in Tom's mind that Luke was a victim of a heinous crime, and there should be no doubt in the Jury's mind either.

Mr. Simpson floundered, and Noah tried hard to remain serious during his closing argument. He wanted the Jury to dismiss certain testimonies as biased and pay attention to the facts as they were presented. Randy's crush went wrong, but he shouldn't have to pay for that. And the fact that the victim's own mother didn't believe him was a sticking point. It seemed like Mr. Simpson rambled on for hours before he finally rested his case. Noah breathed a sigh of relief, it was over. The case was being handed to the Jury, and in a few minutes court would be adjourned.

The ringing of the phone sounded loud, and Noah cursed himself for not turning the ringer down. It couldn't be helped now though...he had refused to turn off his phone, he couldn't not when Luke was in the hospital. It felt like the eyes of everyone in the courtroom were on him as he put the phone to his ear. Even the Judge seemed to be watching him; Noah was just grateful he didn't look annoyed.

"Hello? What…what happened? Okay I'll be right there…no don't make any decisions until I get there, please….I'm coming now."

He closed the phone and jumped to his feat. Tom stood too, and James appeared by his side. "I have to go," he said to the two men flanking him. "I have to get to the hospital…Luke needs me."

*end flash

Silence reigned in the waiting room; everyone trapped in their own thoughts about what was happening behind closed doors. They were all there, each of them caught in a varying degree of fear for their loved ones. Holden held a cup of coffee in his hand. The liquid had grown cold over time, but he didn't seem to notice as he sipped on it absently. His mind was in turmoil as he thought of the possible repercussions of what was going on. Noah was in there, risking his own life to save Luke's. In Holden's mind that was the ultimate show of love…and he hoped…prayed that both of his sons would be okay to marvel in that great sacrifice.

Lucinda was no longer in her wheelchair…stubborn lady that she was, she insisted on walking around with a cane. She couldn't sit…she wouldn't, not until someone came out with word of her grandsons. Her dear Noah and her precious Luke. They just had to be alright, anything thing else was unacceptable…just unacceptable.

Maddie was gripping tightly to James' hand. She was seeking comfort, and he was her friend…for now that was all he could be and she understood that. It was what she needed, desperately, for she was worried about her friends. Her best friends…both of them. They had been through so much in such a short amount of time. It didn't seem right to her that it could end like this. She felt James squeeze her hand tightly and she turned to look at him. He mouthed the words "stay strong" to her and she took comfort from that. He could still read her…and she needed to be strong for Luke and for Noah.

On the outside, James was the picture of calm. His expressive green eyes were expressionless and his face looked nothing but serene. He was being the rock for everyone around him. He held Maddie's hand, keeping himself tapped into her feelings…wanting to help steer her in the right direction, toward hope. He kept a careful watch over everyone…he had promised Noah he would do so.

James was the picture of tranquil…but on the inside his emotions were like a summer storm slowly gaining strength. He was trying to take this latest development in stride. It was going to be okay. Oakdale Memorial hospital was known for its surgical staff and many transplants had been performed here. There was no reason to believe this one wouldn't be successful. He knew that…yet it didn't stop his stomach from twisting into knots? Why was he finding it hard to breathe, and why did the mere thought of one or both of them not making it send him into a tailspin?

On the outside he was steady as a rock, but on the inside he felt like sand slipping through one's fingers. At any moment he expected to slide off the precipice into the abyss of despair gripping the rest of Luke and Noah's family.

He was the first to notice them. Two figures with dark hair and serious expressions entered the throng of people, trying to be unassuming, wanting just to be there like everyone else. He didn't have to wonder who they were there for. He didn't have to ask what brought them to the hospital…but he did wonder why they were there.

His eyes remained focused as they approached. He certainly6 wasn't going to alert anyone to their presence. Holden spotted them as the man guided the woman to a chair. Luke's father was out of his seat in record time, and James could only hold his breath as the older man faced the newcomers.

"What are you doing here?" The inevitable question; logical at best, since as Luke's mother, she should be there.

"Luke is my son too…I have every right to be here. How long has he been in surgery, and where is Noah?"

James marveled at the lack of communication that was apparent. Didn't she know that Noah was right at this moment saving Luke's life?

"You picked a fine time to start thinking like a mother," Lucinda joined the conversation. James couldn't be certain, but he could have sworn he saw something akin to fire in her eyes. "I am still rather upset with you, just upset at what you did. And then to add insult to injury you bring him here."

Lily reached for the man's hand and clasped it tight as she stared at the elder Mrs. Walsh. "Dusty, is here for support. He deserves some respect, Mother."

"What about Holden? He actually gives a damn about these boys, and you're throwing your affair right in his face. Really, Lily I thought I taught you better than that."

"That's enough, Lucinda," the man named Dusty spoke. "Fighting and slinging insults isn't helping."

Luke's dad looked like he was ready to strike. All of a sudden James felt like he was watching a movie in slow motion. Mr. Snyder grabbed a hold of Dusty's shirt. Ms. Walsh started to shout, and Mrs. Walsh shouted at her. James chanced a look at Maddie, who was watching everyone else in the waiting room. Luke's brother, Aaron, tried unsuccessfully to stop his dad from doing something stupid. Luke's mother was now waging war with her mother and a woman James thought was Luke's aunt. Everyone was upset and no one was wrong, except that everyone was.

"Will you guys stop it? Just stop it! If any of you care about Luke and Noah like you say you do, start acting like it!" James was on his feet, his fists balled as he faced Maddie and the family gathered in the waiting area. His eyes flashed and he trembled like a volcano about to erupt.

"My brothers, both of them, are in there fighting for their lives, and you guys are arguing and taking pot shots at each other."

Lily was taken aback by the outburst, and a frown crossed her lips as James' words begin to sink in. Had he said both boys are fighting for their lives? Was Noah in surgery too? What was going on?

"It's not right," James continued, "and you have to stop. Hitting Dusty is not going to change things," he said facing Luke's dad. "It will give you momentary release, but it's not going to change the fact that Luke and Noah could die."

He was sure everyone heard his voice crack, but he didn't care. These things needed to be said, and it seemed no one else was going to say them. For her credit, Lily's seemed affected by the words. James thought he saw the beginning of tears in her eyes, but at the moment the last thing he felt was sympathy. "I don't know you," he said facing Dusty next. "But I'm willing to bet that you know your presence here wouldn't be welcome. Maybe you should have tried talking some sense into your lover before she perjured herself on the witness stand."

The smack was swift and so unexpected that it stung more than James could have imagined. His eyes misted, and he saw Holden grab a hold of Lily, pulling her back even as she raged. "You have no right to speak that way to me. Just who do you think you are?"

"Someone who cares about Luke enough to know that you have a right to be here, until Luke says otherwise," James said pointedly. "He wouldn't want you fighting like this and if you were good parents you would know that." 

"Thank you, James," Lily said smugly, as Holden hung his head, knowing that James was correct.

"Don't thank me," James scoffed. "I'm not doing this for you. If I had a say in this you wouldn't be here, but since it's not my call you get a reprieve. But don't for one moment think that means I'm not upset with how you treated your own son. I won't go as far as to say you caused this, but your actions are a big part of why he's here, and why Noah's in there too. You think about that as you sit there, and you better hope that both of them pull through this."

He felt a gentle hand on his arm, and turned to see Maddie beside him. "I think," she said taking his hand in hers, "it's your turn to breathe." James looked at her for a long moment before allowing her to lead him back to his seat.

The silence that followed was almost unbearable. Lily and Dusty were sitting as far from the rest of the family as they could get without leaving. Holden was back in his seat as well, and Lucinda was pacing. Every once in a while she would glance at the door that led to the operating room. James sat at Maddie's side, and after a few moments of comfort he pulled his hand away and stood. He heard Maddie call to him, but he said nothing as he walked away from everyone and headed down the corridor.

He didn't stop until he reached his destination. He stood in front of the door and hesitated before turning the knob and poking his head in. "I hope you're not busy," he said sounding like the kid he could still remember being.

"I'm never too busy for you. Come on in."

James came in and sat down, allowing silence to reign yet again.

"Are you going to tell me what's wrong?"

"Not really," James sighed. He met his father's eyes for a moment before looking down."I guess I really don't feel like talking."

"I can't help unless you talk to me, Son." Dr. McPherson stated gently. He knew his son well enough to know this wasn't going to be easy. "Can you at least give me an idea of what's going on?"

When silence was his only response, George McPherson knew he needed to get serious. He knew his son well enough to know that he wouldn't speak unless he was coaxed to do so. It worried him when James got like this, and he hadn't seen his son look so sad in a very long time.

"James," he said leaning forward in his chair, placing his hands on his desk, "I can see that something is really bothering you and I know you well enough to know that you wouldn't be sitting in that chair if you didn't want to talk. Tell me what's going on."

James frowned and looked up to meet his father's gaze. "I just yelled at Luke's family…and I feel really bad about it."

"Why did you yell at Luke's family," Dr. McPherson inquired softly. "That's not like you, son. You are usually the voice of all that is calm and reasonable. Sometimes it scares me that you are as calm as you are."

"Does that really scare you? Because I don't think I'm as calm as you think I am."

"Son, it has been many, many years since I have seen you lose your temper with anyone. You tend to bottle things up inside, and I keep waiting for the explosion that is going to happen when you can't bottle up anymore, and yes that scares me. You have been Luke's rock to go to and lean on for months, and then you did the same for Noah. When are you going to realize that maybe you need someone to lean on too?"

"I did realize that, Dad," James said his voice a lot shakier than he realized. I did find people to lean on…but they aren't here for me to do that."

"What do you mean they aren't here for you to lean on? Where are they?"

"In surgery."

"In surgery?" George repeated, "Son, I'm really lost here. I knew Luke was sick and had been here in the hospital, but I didn't know it was that serious. Where's Noah?"

"Luke needed a kidney transplant," James explained. "We got the call during the trial that Luke would need a new kidney pretty quickly. And Noah had to make the decision fast. He donated his kidney to Luke, and now both of them are in surgery and I'm scared, dad. I'm so scared that one or both of them isn't going to make it. So when I heard Mr. Snyder arguing with Ms. Walsh, and then he wanted to deck Ms. Walsh's lover, and they were all making pot shots at each other, and I just couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't sit there and listen to them arguing about Ms. Walsh's right to be there while both of my brothers are fighting for their lives. I just can't lose them Dad."

"I had no idea that things were that bad, son. It sounds to me like you had every right to lose your temper with the family, if they were arguing over silly things, while those boys are fighting for their lives. Wait, did you say my brothers? Did I hear you right?"

"Yeah," James said, a sad smile crossing his lips. "My brothers."

"Did I miss something here, James," Dr. McPherson smiled fondly. "Last time I checked it was just you and I in this family. Would you care to explain how you suddenly have two grown brothers that your father knew nothing about?"

James grinned. "They aren't real brothers," He explained, "though sometimes I feel like they are. We just…I finally opened up about some things a month ago, and Luke and Noah were there for me when I needed them, and we've been close ever since."

"Ahhh, now I think we are getting somewhere," Dr. McPherson nodded thoughtfully. "So you have become very close to Luke and Noah, and now both of them are lying in an operating room, and one or both of them may not make it through this procedure. You aren't comparing this to your mother leaving us are you? James," he said as his son frowned, "you know that this is a totally different situation."

"I know that, Dad…this doesn't have anything to do with her…not directly. I…I get now that she left by her own choice, she wasn't forced, and it wasn't my fault. Luke and Noah helped me to see that actually. And I guess in her own way, Maddie helped me to face that as well." He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "It's just I feel like they get me, and I get them, and I really just don't want them to die. And I can't say that out there because, I am the strong one who tries to keep the rest of the family together. Noah asked me to look out for everyone, and that is what I've been trying to do."

"So you are the strong one out there, but now you needed a strong shoulder yourself. I'm so glad that you came here, Son. I will be your strong shoulder anything you need it. I am so grateful that you have found friends like Luke and Noah, who seem to "get you". That is all I have ever wanted, well that and you married to a lovely young woman someday. Can I do anything to help you with the family."

"Was that a hint, Dad?" James laughed halfheartedly. "I will work things out with Maddie…in my own time. When and if we get back together…I'll propose because that's what I want. But I can't even think about that right now, not with Luke and Noah both out of it. There has just been so much going on, and I don't think there is anything you can do about the family. I know we are all just worried about Luke and Noah. Emotions are high and Ms. Walsh ruffled a few feathers with her arrival but I think everything will be okay now."

"No, Son that was not a hint. I just want to see you settled and happy. That's all any parent wants for their child. I haven't been privy to the family drama that Luke and Noah have been involved in, but just know that I am here for you and for them if needed."

"I'll let them know Dad."

"I love you, James. Sometimes I forget to tell you that, but even when that happens it doesn't' mean that I love you any less. You will let me know if there is anything that I can do?"

"I will, Dad. And thank you. I love you too…and I hope I've made you proud."

'Son, I'm more proud of you than words could ever express," Dr. McPherson admitted fondly. "You are my greatest accomplishment and I thank God every day that he put you in my life, and saw fit to leave you here to grow into the fine young man you are. Hang in there, Son. Noah is strong, and Luke, with both of you fighting for him could not ask for better friends."

"Luke is a fighter," James agreed. "I know that, and I know that in my heart, they'll both be okay. I guess I just needed someone else to tell me that. So thank you Dad. Thanks for being the best father in the world…and the best doctor."

"I will be here to reassure you any time you need it. All you have to do is come to me. I am here, and I am not going anywhere. Now," Dr. McPherson said sitting back in his chair, "'why don't you head back out there and make sure Luke and Noah's families haven't broken down to a catfight. That would not be a pretty picture."

James wrinkled his nose. "No…actually it wouldn't be." He stood and gave his father a hug. "Thanks again for the talk, I needed that."

He felt a little lighter as he left his father's office. Maddie greeted him upon his return and slipped right into his arms. "What's wrong?" he asked pulling away to look into her sad eyes.

"The surgery is over," Maddie explained wiping the tears from her eyes. "For Noah…he's in recovery now."

"And Luke?"

"They're working on him now. Dr. Hughes doesn't foresee any problems…he thinks Luke is going to be okay."

James breathed a sigh of relief and he pulled Maddie into another hug before moving away from her completely. "I'm sorry," he said addressing Luke's family. "I know I was out of line earlier…I'm just worried about Luke, and Noah and I really shouldn't have snapped at every one like that. Can you forgive me."

Lucinda waved her hand dismissively. "You didn't say anything that didn't need to be said, dear boy. Besides, I can't tell you how delighted I am that my grandsons have such a wonderful friend as you. And that goes for you too, Dear," she said smiling at Maddie who stood beside James.

"Lucinda's right James," Holden spoke up. "You didn't say anything we didn't need to hear. I'm sure Luke will be glad that you were here to keep us all sane. Luke would have done the same thing in your place. He was always good at making us see reason."

"And he'll be doing it again really soon," James said slipping back into optimistic mode. Soon we will just have to wait for Noah to wake up…and for Luke to come back to us."

"At least the trial is over," Maddie pointed out. "I don't think Noah would have made his decision otherwise."

"Yeah he would have waited," James agreed. "Now that's what we need to do…wait."

They waited what seemed like hours for news of some sort. Some of them looked toward the operating room, while others kept checking their phones. Waiting was proving more difficult then any of them could have imagined. It felt like time was crawling, when in reality mere minutes had passed since Noah's surgery was completed.

The sound of the phone startled them all, and they looked toward Holden who placed the phone to his ear and said hello. At that same moment Dr. Hughes approached them. His expression was grim and the entire family plus James and Maddie stood and waited with baited breath for the bad news they knew would come.

"The Jury has reached a verdict," Tom's voice on the phone, but Holden was barely listening as his eyes were locked on Bob's, the elder Hughes who looked pained. He wanted to hear what he had to say.

"There's been a complication," Dr. Hughes announced. "Luke's surgery is going to take longer than originally expected. But please be assured we are doing everything we can for him."

James was trying hard not to overreact as conversations went on around him. Holden was explaining that someone needed to go to the court room. Luke's Grandmother was going to go along with Maddie…they would represent Luke and Noah. Meanwhile the doctor was explaining what had gone wrong. He was speaking just loud enough, and James bit his lip so he wouldn't react. The distinct sound of flat lining met his ears and his heart jumped in his throat.

"Code blue, Code blue," he heard a nurse yell as Dr. Hughes rushed away toward Luke's room. James didn't have to look at Luke's parents to know that they were having trouble breathing too.

Maddie held her breath as she stood between Tom and Luke's grandmother in the courtroom. They were waiting, patiently for the verdict to be read. She could feel the tension in the air, and a pin could have dropped in the quiet room. She felt a hand close over hers, and turned to see Luke's grandmother smiling at her. Maddie smiled back, and drew in the strength Lucinda Walsh was willing to give.

The judge entered from his chambers, and the Jury took their seat. Everyone was ordered to sit down, and Maddie glanced over to where Randy sat with his lawyer. Maddie could only hope that in mere moments the Jury would make the right decision.

"Will the Defendant please rise," the Bailiff commanded. Randy and Mr. Simpson stood up and faced the judge who was shifting through papers on the table.

"Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury, have you reached a verdict?" Judge Newcomb asked.

"Yes Your Honor, we have."

"Madame Foreperson would you please give your verdict to the bailiff."

Maddie took a deep breath as Lucinda squeezed her hand tightly. They were waiting along with Tom and the rest of the courtroom as the Bailiff handed off the verdict to the Judge. It wasn't lost on anyone that Randy's fate now rested in the Judge's hands.

Luke's fate now rested in the doctor's hands. Bob Hughes was working with his team of surgeons to make sure they didn't lose Luke on the operating table. He was well aware that there were four extra pairs of eyes watching him. He was cognizant of the fact that there were a lot of people who would be upset if he failed…and Dr. Bob Hughes was not about to let that happen. Luke's heart had stopped beating momentarily, but the defibrillator had brought him back from the brink. The monitors screamed again when Luke began to have trouble breathing.

It seemed like forever before Luke's breathing evened out, and Dr. Bob, his staff and those four sets of eyes were able to relax. Luke was out of the woods, the surgery was a success and now they were back to waiting for him to wake up. Just knowing that he was okay, was enough for James, plus Holden and Lily as well. This time they didn't mind having to wait.

He said not a word until he was standing by the bed. He looked down on the figure laying there, a frown crossing his features. It was a thoughtful expression, as he marveled at the bravery and the courage on display here. In his mind, no one could ever claim that Noah didn't love Luke. That was as clear as the sky was blue…and he could certainly relate to how much he loved his own mate. A lot of things could be said about Tom Hughes; tough as nails DA with a heart of gold. In the courtroom he was all business and wouldn't be pushed around, but outside the courtroom he was a loving husband, father, son and a friend. As he took a seat by Noah's bed, his hand resting on the guardrail it was hard to tell which persona was being brought forth.

"You did real good Noah," he said pride swelling in his throat. "I think it would be hard for anyone to question how much you love Luke. It's clear to me that you care for him as much as I care for Margo, and that is a great thing. I hope you two never lose that. I have good news for you, the verdict is in. The Jury found Randy guilty of sexual assault, and there was also the issue of him leaving the scene of the accident, a hit and run if you will. He's in jail, Noah. He can't hurt you or Luke ever again. Do you understand what I'm saying Noah? It's time for you to wake up now…it's time for you to get back to life with your husband. Don't let anything stop you."

The room was quiet again. Tom was gone, and Alison had entered to check Noah's vitals. She was gone within minutes, and it was barely a moment later when Noah's hand moved slightly. He shifted in the bed and muttered a soft moan as his eyes drifted open. He blinked, trying to adjust to the brightness of the room. This scene was too familiar to him…too much like déjà vu. He looked to the side and saw the empty chair. He stared at it for a moment, thinking about all that had transpired over the last week. So much had happened…so much, and now it was over. He turned his head forward and as he pressed a button to put his bed in the upright position, a smile crossed his lips.

"You're awake," James exclaimed as he entered the room. Noah's smile grew bigger at the sight of his friend and he nodded as James sat in the empty seat beside him.

"Looks that way?" he said his voice still a little groggy.

"How do you feel? Are you alright? Do you hurt anywhere?" James asked and Noah shook his head. at any other time he probably would have laughed at James' spitfire questioning, but he knew his friend…his brother was just worried and had a lot to deal with today.

"I'm fine, James. I feel good, very good actually, now that Randy's in jail."

"So you did hear Mr. Hughes talking to you. I told him you would."

"It would figure that the jury would come back after I make the decision," Noah said wistfully.

"No regrets though, right?"

"None," Noah shook his head. "Luke just has to be okay."

"He will be," James assured him. "He has a healthy kidney now, so that's a good start. He's still in a coma, but I think it's good because his body needs time to heal."

"His mind too," Noah said frowning. "I mean the surgery needed to be done so quickly…now we just wait for him to wake up, and that could take weeks."

"Or just days," James amended. "Remember, he didn't give up on you, so don't give up on him okay?"

"Can you take me to him?" Noah asked. "I need to see him, James. I wasn't there when he came out of surgery, but I can be there now. He needs me there."

James insisted that he get checked out by Dr. Hughes first. The doctor assured them both that Noah was in perfect shape. After that Holden and Lucinda insisted on visiting as well. Maddie had her turn too, and it wasn't that he didn't want to see them. He just really wanted…needed to get to Luke.

"Okay, no more visits please,' He said when James entered the room. "You promised I could go see Luke, like an hour ago."

James smiled. "I know what I promised, and I'm here to deliver. I was glad everyone came to see you, because your mother-in-law was in his room. I don't know if he liked it much, but its not like any of us could have thrown her out."

"She is his mom," Noah sighed. "I guess now that the verdict is in she's begging for forgiveness?"

"Pretty much," James conceded as he helped Noah out of the hospital bed and into a wheelchair. "I honestly don't think it will do any good. He already had a lot of issues with her before this." he shook his head and let that thought trail off.

"It would server her right if he didn't forgive her," Noah said as James wheeled him toward Luke's room. He was feeling good, despite the conversation. He just wanted to be near Luke. "But thank you for making sure I didn't see her. I don't think that would have turned out well. She would have tried to thank me, and I would have glared and it wouldn't have been pretty."

"Well I'm glad to see you are already in protective mode," James chuckled. "Would you like me to leave you alone with him?"

"You can stay," Noah said, his eyes focused squarely on the figure in the bed. "I don't think he would mind having here…and I know I don't."

"Are you sure? I know you've been waiting to get to him, and you've missed him and all."

"James," Noah said turning to face him. "Sit down."

James smiled and took a seat as Noah reached for one of Luke's hands. James took possession of the other and they settled into a comfortable silence. There was no need for words at the moment. it was good enough that Luke knew they were there.


	35. Chapter 35

"Two weeks Luke. It's been two weeks now since I saw your brown eyes and I miss them. I just want you to open them for me, let me look into them and drown. And if you can't do that for me, could you at least squeeze my hand and let me know that you are there...that you can hear me. James said you needed your rest, and I agree but honestly, Luke I'm lost without you. It's not just a line, and I sense that it's always been the case. I need you. I need you to tell me what to do and what to say about things that I don't understand. I want you to explain things to me and I just want you here."

He frowned and bowed his head against Luke's limp hand. James had stepped out of the room for a moment, but Noah knew he would be back. Ever since the surgery, he and James often sat in Luke's room together. Noah knew that his friend was just as concerned about him as he was about Luke. And he rather liked having someone watching over him. Especially since Luke couldn't.

The good news was that Luke's body wasn't rejecting the kidney. The transplant had indeed been a success and now Luke just needed a reason to open his eyes. Noah hoped and prayed that he could be enough of a reason for Luke to return. The bad news, however was that Dr. Hughes thought Luke should have woken up by now. He was concerned that there was no sign that he would wake u p any time soon. There had been talk about doing some kind of brain test on Luke, to see what was going on but Noah didn't know if it was necessary. Luke wasn't brain dead or anything like that…he was exhausted and stressed. Once he was rested enough he would come back.

Noah had to believe that.

"I've been trying to work on my memory exercises when I'm not here," Noah started as Maddie entered the room. She remained at the door, not wanting to disturb Noah as he spoke. "I'm trying to remember as much as I can, Luke. I remember small things, but nothing big. I'm starting to recall things from what I call my life before you. Though I guess I should call that my life before you part 1." He smiled as he imagined Luke's reaction to that statement. Even Maddie had a soft smile on her face and she came further into the room. The scraping of a chair alerted Noah to her presence and he looked up to meet her eyes as she sat down.

"Don't let me stop you," she said softly. "Tell us both about your life before Luke part one."

He kept his eyes on Maddie for a long moment, marveling at how dark they were…so brown just like Luke's but so different at the same time. He missed Luke's eyes. A soft smile crossed his lips and he turned his attention back to his husband. "Maddie's here," He explained. "She wants to hear the story too…even if it has a few holes. IT's not anything really good either, I guess. So I'm not sure if the memories are real or some manifest of the feelings I have right now. And I know that probably doesn't make any sense…but they're about my father. And he's not very nice in them."

Maddie wanted to ask him what he meant by that, but at the same time she didn't want to intrude. She wanted to talk to her best friend as well…but wasn't sure how to do that either. She wished there was something she could do to help Noah…to help them all. Thinking about it made her frown. All of them were lost without Luke. If only she could tell him that somehow.

"I don't think my father was ever a nice man, Luke," Noah's voice drew her attention again. "I…I remembered one time when I was hiding, not sure where I was but I was young and there was water around. My father was calling my name really loud and he was angry. I don't know why this memory was so vivid Luke…and I really don't understand…and honestly I don't know if I want to. I'm starting to think I'm better off not knowing what my father was like. Do you think so? I wish you could give me the answers, or tell me what to do." He sighed and felt a hand on his shoulder.

He turned to see Maddie standing at his side. James had entered the room at some point, and he now occupied the other chair. "Will you guys help me," He asked as he looked between the two of them.

"We can try, Noah," Maddie said, her tone soft for her friend. "What do you want to know?"

Noah shook his head. He really didn't know the answers. He was lost, and he knew he probably should talk to his father about it. The thing was he didn't want to do that. He had banished the man from his life, and that was the way he wanted it to stay. Especially after the stunt he pulled in the courtroom.

"I want to know everything," He admitted finally. "It's too much to ask, and I know that right now, but it's frustrating you know? And I know that everyone has something to say to Luke…and I should stop hogging him."

"Noah, you don't have to feel bad about sitting with your husband. You are the one who deserves to be here," James pointed out. "And I know this is difficult and you are getting a lot of memories at once. If there is anything I can do to help just ask and I'm here for you. You know that."

"I know." He smiled at James and then looked up at Maddie before once more turning to Luke. "We have some really good friends, Luke. And I think they want a chance to talk to you…so I'm going to let them. I'll be back though. Don't fret too much; I'm only going to check on your dad and your grandma, and your mother too just in case. I know you are upset with her…and so am I, but James is right. Until you wake up she has a reprieve. I love you Luke."

"I love you," Maddie said as she sat in Noah's vacated seat. "I don't think I told you that often enough, but it's true…and if there was any time that I needed my best friend it's now. Henry and Vienna send their love. Vienna said to tell you there is a plate of gravlax with your name on it when you get out of here." She smiled and shook her head. She could just picture her friend wrinkling his nose and dumping the dish into a napkin when Vienna's back was turned. "I just know you'd praise her for it," she said grinning, "even while you try to dispose of the food by feeding it to Vienna's puppy." She giggled, remembering the last time Pepper decided to steal a customer's meal.

"Seriously, Luke I miss our conversations over Peppermint tea. And I could really use one of those right about now. James and I don't seem to be heading in the right direction anymore. I feel like I've really screwed up, and the one person who usually sets me straight can't. They say, Luke, that when the center is damaged…the glue corrupted everything else falls apart, and that is what has happened here. We're like puzzles pieces that don't know how to fit together, so instead we drift into space…just floating through darkness, waiting for the day we can become whole again."

"Hello darling, it's your grandmother again. I wanted you to know how awful I think it is. Just awful that you are lying here like this. This was not part of our agreement, Luke and I demand you wake up this instant. Your grandmother…she needs you. I'm an old woman, darling, and this Cancer has been kicking me pretty good…but I'm a survivor and so are you. And don't think I don't know what you're doing. You're hiding in there, and I don't want you to do that. No one wants you to do that, darling. I don't' want you to do that at all. You need to wake up, post haste and face your problems head on. Isn't that what I always taught you?"

Lucinda placed a hand on top of her grandson's limp one and gave it a squeeze. "I love you, my precious Grandson. More then you even realize, and I…I need you."

"I need you son. I don't think that's an easy thing for any parent to admit…but it's the truth. You know for all y our talk of me being your rock, I think a lot of times you are mine too. Faith and Natalie say hello. They miss you, just as much as I do. And little Ethan, he misses you too. Your big brother comes by every day. He comes in here and he cracks jokes. Do you remember when he would try to be funny, and you'd just look at him with that…that expression you get." Holden smiled nostalgically. "I'm not sure where you get it from, but your eyes would do this thing when you furrowed them and your facial expression was a mixture between wrinkling your nose, and shock. Five beats later, you'd burst out laughing and rebound with a snarky retort that would just leave him clueless. Aaron would retaliate by messing in your hair."

Holden shook his head and reached for his son's hand. He hated this…seeing him so still. He wished there was more he could do for him, but really he was doing all he could do. Talking helped. He liked to think that Luke could hear everything he said; just as he was certain Noah had heard.

"I am so proud of you, Luke. You have to be one of the bravest people I know, and I'm so glad that you call me Dad. Don't tell anyone this, but you are my favorite. You know I'm close to all my kids, from Abby and Aaron, all the way down to little Ethan. But there has always been something special about my relationship with you, and I'm not ready to lose it. I hope you're not either. I know you've been hurt a lot in the past few months. And I wish there was more I could have done to protect you. I regret not being there for you, but I promise you that I am here from on. No matter what's going on with me, I'm always going to be a dad you can count on. And don't worry; I'm doing my best to keep watch over Noah, and James. Maddie too…your friends and your husband mean a great deal to me, and so do you." There were tears in Holden's eyes, and for once he didn't move to wipe them away. He was a very private man…but this wasn't just anyone he was grieving for. It was his son…It was Luke.

"None of us want to face a life without you in it, Luke. We love you…I love you and I believe in you. Trust in that, and find your way back to us."

The room was silent when she entered and took her seat by his bedside. She clutched at her purse, sitting it on her lap as she looked at the pale face of her son. It immediately brought tears to her face as she realized the depth of the damage she had wrought. Noah was right…they all were.

"I'm probably the last person you want to hear from right now," she started, tears already running down her cheeks. "But I had to come, baby. I need to apologize to you, and I want to ask for your forgiveness. You have to understand, honey why I did what I did. I really didn't have any choice."

James arrived at the room just in time to hear Luke's machines bleep erratically. "Ms. Walsh, he said as he entered, "What are you doing in here?"

"I was just talking to him, he is my son," Lily said defensively over the screaming monitors."

"Get out of here," James said reaching for the button to contact the nurse. "You're upsetting him, can't you see that."

"But I was just talking. Baby its okay, Momma's here sweetie."

James frowned as the machines seemed to get even louder as Lily spoke. "Ms. Walsh you have to go…now. Now, Ms. Walsh," he yelled when she refused to leave the room.

"Luke, please calm down. I will get Noah for you, but you have to calm down. It's James, and he'll never forgive me if you die on my watch." He watched Lily leave out of the corner of his eye, but his full attention was on his brother. "She's gone, Luke….it's just me, and if you'd calm down, I want to tell you how much I miss you."

The bond formed by shared experience and cultivated with love, was working overtime as James stroked Luke's hand and continued to talk to him softly. Alison ran in but stopped short of Luke's bed as she watched the scene unfold before her. She turned when she heard footsteps behind her, and turned to see Noah standing just behind her. He was watching too, and his worried face quickly softened as the machines went back to normal.

"I'm going to check him out," she said startling James. He nodded and moved aside to allow Ali access. Noah placed a hand on James shoulder and the unspoken question passed between them.

"His mother was here," James replied sadly. "I don't know what she said…but he didn't like it."

"He's fine," Ali said interrupting them before they could continue their conversation. "I'm not sure what excited him…but he's fine. I think he may be on his way back to us. Keep talking to him. It seems to be working."

He found her pretty easily. She was sitting in the waiting area holding a cup of coffee. Her lover, Dusty was sitting beside her, he stood as Noah approached. "Can I talk to you?"

"She doesn't have anything to say to you," Dusty said standing in front of Lily.

Noah sighed and easily moved Dusty out of his way so that he was looking at his mother in law. "It's important; I need to talk to you about Luke."

"I don't need another lecture from you, Noah."

"No lectures, Ma'am," he said holding out his hand. "I just want to talk."

"Alright," Lily said taking Noah's hand and allowing him to pull her up. Dusty was not pleased, but one look from Lily kept him in his place. He folded his arms across his chest and scowled as Lily and walked away with Noah.

"I know you're worried about Luke," Noah said once they were alone. I know despite everything that you do care about him…and I wanted you to realize that I'm aware of that."

"Thank you, Noah. I do appreciate that."

Noah frowned, this was a difficult thing he was about to do, but for Luke's well being this needed to be said. "I'm afraid I need to ask something of you, Lily…you may not like it but it's for Luke's own good."

"I'll do anything for my son, Noah. I know I haven't proven that lately…but whatever he needs just tell me."

"I need you not to visit him," Noah's voice was as gentle as it could be in uttering this request. He didn't want to hurt this woman…it wasn't his intention this time. "I'm not sure why, but Luke's reaction to you wasn't pleasant, and that is what I need to think about right now. I know you love him…right now the only way for you to show that is to not see him."

"Oh," Lily said trying not to show how much that hurt. "I see."

"Please understand that I'm not trying to hurt you," Noah said placing his hands on her shoulders. "We have exchanged some harsh words over the past two weeks, I know, and I apologize, humbly for all of them. This is not about you though…it's about Luke. We have to help him, and that means him not being upset or agitated. I know you want to work out your relationship with him, and I admire that. I think both James and I would kill to have that chance with our mothers, but we never will. But if you want to have that chance with Luke he has to wake up first…and right now your presence isn't helping that."

Lily had tears in her eyes. She did understand; it didn't make the pain any less. "I have made a lot of mistakes, Noah," she said her voice thick with emotion. "And I honestly don't know if my son will forgive me for them…but I thank you so much for caring about him enough." She slipped into his arms, and Noah wrapped her into a comforting hug. HE held on to her for a long moment, and his heart broke. He knew he was doing the right thing…but he the sound of Lily's sobs, were likely to haunt him for a very long time.

"You know, two weeks is a very long time," James commented, breaking the silence in the room. He had been sitting by Luke's side ever since Noah went to talk to Lily. He had been thinking about what he wanted to say, but nothing really sounded right. He didn't want to repeat the same things. "I know you're healing, Luke, and I know you can hear us. Just as I am well aware that you know Noah was here. And you know that he's not here at the moment, but he'll be back. I have no doubt that you are trying to come back to us…I just wish there was something I could do to speed along the process. I need you just as much as you need me, Luke. How many of us have said that to you today?" He smiled and gave his friend's hand a squeeze.

"You are loved, a lot, Luke Snyder. Everyone has been milling around this hospital, and it's like life has stopped. I know Maddie doesn't go anywhere unless Alison makes her go. Mr. Snyder leaves long enough to get a change of clothes and we all take showers here. None of us want to be that far away from you. Noah and I especially. You have to come back for him, Luke. He's lost without you…we all are."

"I told you, I would be back," Noah said finally reclaiming his seat. James sat on the other side of Luke and leaned on the guardrail as Noah spoke. "I'm where I want to be Luke, and the only thing that would make me happier is if you opened those beautiful eyes. I had to make a hard decision today, but I did it for you own good. I told your mom to stay away…I told her that when you woke up, you would decide the status of your relationship with her…but in the mean time if she cared about you at all she would abide by my wishes. And I think she does care Luke, but don't worry. I'm on your side no matter what you choose to do. You have to come back though," he said as he looked over at James who was watching him.

He locked eyes with his brother for a long moment and smiled. "James needs you, and so do I. We love you, Luke, so much and I can't stand another day without you. I have a strange feeling that I am not usually this…sappy but I don't care. You are my perfection, and god help me I want you back."

Two weeks was a very long time, but it was time well spent healing his broken body. He was floating, just out of reach, but he could hear every word that was spoken to him. He knew when his dad was afoot, and his grandma. He was angry when he heard his mother, the hurt and the despair were just too much and it caused him to freak out. Maddie's voice soothed and James was like his anchor…but the best voice, the one that counted most was Noah. His strong, dependable husband…that was who he wanted to get back to…who he needed to see…wanted to see. The pain he heard in that voice made him sad and the love…he could feel the love as it embraced him and kept him warm. He wanted more of that…he needed it…he craved it.

IT was nice being separated from all the pain…but it was time, past time for him to return. They needed him…each and every one of them. And he wanted them…most of them. He had a promise to keep to his grandma; he was determined to survive for her, and for himself. He missed his dad, the man he had looked up to since he was small. He cherished their relationship…he wanted that back.

He could feel himself falling back down into the reality of his life. It was a freefall…a welcome one. He wondered if this was what it felt like inside, when one hit rock bottom. Did they fall fast and hit the ground with a bang…or was it slow and leisurely, dragging out until one was completely numb and could barely feel a thing when they hit? Did it make any sense? His thoughts were a haze…but he knew he was ready.

Maddie had been right about the darkness…the inky black could be terrifying sometimes, but for him it was comforting. It meant he was headed in the right direction. He was falling…coming back to life. He could see the clouds down below, soft fluffy clouds; a blanket to cushion the return…the return to pain…to suffering…reality. It was a return to love. James was there, his steadfast brother…his friend who was so much more than that. What would he do without James? And Noah, his Noah...he was falling…for him, only him.

"Noah."

He heard the voice, but didn't immediately register the voice. His eye lids fluttered open as a hand touched his shoulder and he jumped. "Luke, is that you? You're awake?"

"I think so," he said as he blinked. It was too bright in the room, and he wished someone would turn down the lights. "Are…you okay?"

"Am I okay?" Noah repeated, as he got up to sit on Luke's bed. His husband moved over slightly to make room for him and he leaned down, trying not to upset the IV and tubes that were attached to Luke as he kissed his lips. "I should be asking you that. I've missed you so much and I have worried about you like crazy Luke. When I saw you on that table and you weren't moving, I was so scared and I was afraid, so afraid…"

Luke's hand touched his check to stop his flow of words. "I…I" he stopped and cleared his throat. He knew he probably shouldn't be talking but he needed to get this out. "I didn't mean to scare you. I'm sorry."

"You don't have anything to be sorry about. How are you feeling, are you okay? Do you hurt anywhere? Do you need something to drink? I'm going to get you some water."

"NO," Luke's hoarse voice sounded stern as he held on to Noah's arm. "Don't leave me please…just stay, stay with me."

"You're not alone you know," Noah said even as he settled back onto the bed. "James is here too."

Luke looked over at James who had rested his head near Luke's leg. "Has he been here the whole time?"

"Pretty much," Noah replied. "Neither of us has left your side unless we had no choice. There's so much I need to tell you Luke. I just don't know if you can handle it now."

Luke frowned. "What happened? How long have I been out?"

"You collapsed in court, Luke...two weeks ago."

"What?" Luke said his eyes widening as he tried to move. He winced and Noah held him down.

"Don't move. You're still recovering from the surgery."

"Surgery?" Luke said his frown deepening. "Noah what's going on?"

Noah opened his mouth to speak, but realized he didn't have the words. He wasn't prepared for this. How in the world did he explain all of this to Luke?

"Noah," Luke asked again. "What's going on? Why do you look so pale?"

"James," Noah said reaching over to push James' shoulder. "James, wake up please."

James opened his eyes and looked at Noah. "What?"

"That's what I want to know," Luke said turning his attention to his green-eyed friend.

"You're definitely a sight for sore eyes," James said sitting up, but I take it this is not the time for a reunion?"

Luke shook his head. "Though I am glad to see you…but Noah just told me I've been unconscious for two weeks and I had surgery. What is he talking about James? And what happened with the trial if I have been out so long? Was it postponed? Do I have to go back to court?"

Both Noah and James could tell that prospect didn't really appeal to Luke. James shook his head. "No, Luke…so many questions, but let me ease your fears first. The trial is over."

"Okay," Luke said trying to calm his breathing. "That's good, the trial's over. And?"

"He was found guilty,"

"Oh thank god they believed me," Luke said resting his head against his pillow. "But what about this surgery? I don't understand. The last thing I remember is my mom saying something about me cheating on Noah, and I freaked and then I fell. I didn't fall hard enough to need surgery did I? Is there something wrong with me, James?"

"Luke, you need to relax," James said his voice gentle as it always was for Luke. "I know there is a lot you don't understand right now, and I promise I will explain it all. But Noah and I don't want you to get sick again…okay. Can you do that for me?"

"You're starting to scare me, James. What's going on?"

"It was your kidney," James said reluctantly.

"My kidney?" Luke frowned. "Did I have another infection?"

"Yes," James admitted. "And it was pretty bad this time. Your kidney failed, you needed a transplant. Noah had to make the decision quickly…and it was the only way to save your life. And after the surgery we've been sitting here waiting for you to wake up."

Luke was…he wasn't really sure what he was feeling actually. Stunned, blown away, and shocked. Those words about covered it. It just didn't seem real, but James wouldn't make something like that up. And then there was Noah who looked so pale and sad, he wanted to reach out and hug him. He felt bad for his husband, having to make such a decision. He knew that couldn't have been easy for him.

"Luke…say something please," his husband's voice drew him out of his thoughts and he focused on worried blue eyes. "I'm sorry if we upset you…we're not trying to."

"You haven't upset me, Noah. Don't think that…I'm just; I don't know what to think about all this. I…I mean I am grateful that you were there to make the decision and that there was a donor available to give me a kidney it's just, I didn't realize things were that bad. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I put you through so much."

"Luke, there isn't anything I wouldn't do for you," Noah insisted. "You don't need to apologize to me. You are so important to me."

A faint smile crossed Luke's lips, and he reached u p a hand to touch Noah's cheek. "I thank you for that. How were they able to find a donor so fast? The last time there were no matches and my parents were so worried."

"Uh, we were able to find a match pretty quickly," James said looking at Noah. Luke caught the look between the two men and focused on his husband as well.

"What does he mean by that Noah? Who was the donor…or do I even need to ask."

Noah ducked his head away from the intensity of having both James and Luke staring at him. "It…it was me," he said almost shyly. "I was a match and I wanted to do it." He forced himself to turn around, facing his husband once more. "I'd do anything to save your life, Luke. Even risk my own. You aren't mad at me are you?"

Luke blinked a couple of times and opened his mouth to speak but the words were stuck in his throat. He hadn't been expecting that response. With James' statement he had thought the donor was him, but the alternative seemed even sweeter and so selfless. It was overwhelming, he couldn't believe someone…that Noah had made such a sacrifice for him, and was now sitting there asking if he was angry about it. IT brought tears to his eyes.

"You are mad," Noah said frowning as his head lowered.

"No," Luke said through his tears. He cupped Noah's face in his hands and lifted it so that his husband was looking him in the eyes. "Not mad, Noah, just…overwhelmed, and shocked, and so in love with you right now that I can't even put it into words.

It had to be one of the sweetest scenes James had ever bore witness to. Luke wiped the moisture away from Noah's eyes, and Noah's hands reached up to clean away Luke's tears as well. Luke professed his love again, and Noah did the same before bringing their lips together for a gentle kiss. He felt ashamed for watching such an intimate moment but he couldn't take his eyes away. It did his heart good to see them like this, his brothers…awake, healthy and so much in love.

"Did you just take a picture of us?" Luke asked, blinking from the flash that just blinded him.

"Yep," James said showing them the picture on his phone. "I couldn't resist, I had to capture that moment. I'll have to get it uploaded on my laptop, and perhaps use it for Christmas cards this year."

"You will not," Luke laughed. "I don't know how many people would appreciate that picture. And besides it's too early to think about Christmas…it's just April right?"

"Almost May," James nodded. "Which means it's almost time for my birthday."

"Mine too," Luke said biting his lip. "I'm kinda glad I didn't miss it."

"So are we," Noah agreed.

"I thought I heard voices in here," Maddie said coming into the room. The squeal that left her mouth could be heard on the west coast, Luke was sure. He laughed as she came over and Noah quickly moved to give her access to her best friend. "Oh My god, you're awake," she said trying not to hug him too tightly.

"That seems to be the consensus," Luke said hugging her back. "How have you been?" he asked when she pulled away.

"James and I are going to go let the doctor know you're awake, Luke," Noah spoke up, even as he and James stood to leave. "We'll talk to you both later."

"By Maddie," James said as he followed Noah out the room.

Maddie sighed as she watched them go and then turned her attention back to Luke. "You really are a sight for sore eyes," she said beaming from ear to ear.

"I've been hearing that a lot today, but don't think I'm going to allow you to avoid my question. How are you?"

"It amazes me, Luke Snyder that you are the one in this hospital bed, yet you are asking about me. Do you ever think about yourself?"

"Maddie…stop stalling."

"Honestly, Luke I don't know what to do about James," she confessed, lowering her head as if her fingers had suddenly become fascinating. "I know you told me I needed to be patient…but I don't know; I feel like I screwed up everything and I don't know how to fix it."

"There's nothing you can do about that Maddie, besides trust that he still loves you," Luke advised. "I can just about guarantee that he does, but a month is not enough time to get over that kind of hurt. Just let James know that you are there for him in any way that he may need you."

"I've been doing that," Maddie admitted. "You should have seen him during the surgery. He yelled at your mother. Actually I think he yelled at everybody."

"James yelled?" Luke asked shocked at that proclamation. "James? Our James?"

Maddie laughed. "I wouldn't have believed it myself except I saw it with my own two eyes. Your family was arguing and James just stood up and told them to stop if they cared about you and Noah at all. He loves you guys."

"And he loves you too," Luke assured her. And so do I."

"Oh, Luke," she said giving him another hug. She buried her head in his shoulder and allowed her tears to fall. Luke rested his chin in her hair and listened to her weep. He was certain that James would sweep her off her feet once more; he just hoped that for both of their sakes, she wouldn't let fear stand in their way of happiness.

"Well it's good to see you in such good cheer," Dr. Hughes said upon entering the room. Luke was trying hard not to laugh at the indignant look on Maddie's face.

"Hi Bob," he said succumbing to laugher as Maddie punched his arm. "Ow," he said holding his stomach. "Will you stop making me laugh please?"

"Alright, I'll stop for now," she said poking him in the arm before getting up to leave. "Where are James and Noah?" she asked Dr. Hughes. "They said they were going to get you.

"I believe James was called to his dad's office and Noah is in the waiting room with Holden."

"I better go join them. See you later Luke."

"Bye," Luke called after her. Bob came over to the bed to begin his examination ad Luke watched him carefully.

"Bob can I ask you a question?"

"Certainly, Luke."

"No one talked Noah into giving me his kidney, did they?"

"Would it matter if they did?" Bob asked curiously.

"No, not really. I just, I just want to know."

Bob smiled and placed a hand on his patient's shoulder. "It was his idea, Luke. As soon as he realized there was a chance you would need a new kidney, he wanted to be tested. I think if anything, people were trying to talk him out of it. Making sure he was aware of the risks and everything."

"Thanks, Bob," Luke's tone was sincere as he allowed Bob to do his examination. "You and Tom have both helped me out so much…and Margo too. I owe a lot to your family and just…thank you."

"You don't have to thank me, Luke. And I am sure Margo and Tom will agree. It was our pleasure. You know you and your family mean a great deal to us. Now I'm going to get a nurse in here to change your bag, and you should be all set. I'm glad you are awake, now we can really make sure you don't reject that kidney. You'll have to spend one more week in the hospital, but then you're good to go."

"Okay, sir. Any more instructions."

"I'll make sure you and Noah both have all the instructions you need. But for the most part I just want you to take care of each other. I don't want to see either of you come through the emergency room again anytime soon. Is that clear?"

"Yes sir."

Luke dozed off soon after the nurse checked him out. He was exhausted, and as much as he wanted to get up and move around he just couldn't at the moment. His grandmother was sitting by his side when he opened his eyes sometime later. She was smiling at him, and he offered her a smile in return, reaching out his hand for hers which she gladly gave him.

"Grandma," he whispered. "It's so good to see you."

"IT is so good to see you, dear boy. You gave us quite a scare."

"I'm sorry."

"Hush now," Lucinda reprimanded. IF anyone needs to say sorry it's definitely not you darling. You and your young man are very brave to go through what you went through. Very brave indeed and I am proud to call you both my grandsons."

"I'm so glad you adopted Noah into your heart. That means a lot to me."

"Noah is a precious boy, but I am sure you already know that." Luke nodded his acknowledgement. "And I am also glad that you embraced love. I noticed how happy you two were up until that crazy trial."

"I haven't slept on the couch since his birthday," Luke said smiling. "I really do listen to you, Grandma"

"Oh I know you do," Lucinda squeezed her grandson's hand. "You listen to me more than your mother does."

"How is she?" Luke asked frowning. "Noah said that James yelled at her."

"He did," Lucinda nodded. Honey how do you feel about her? I know she wounded you deeply and it's not the first time, and I bargain it won't be the last…but she is your mother."

"I know," Luke's frown deepened. "I don't know if I can do it anymore Grandma. I don't know if I can give her another chance, when all I will be doing is waiting for that shoe to drop again. I mean I ended up here the last time…I don't want to think about what could happen…" he let the thought trail off and closed his eyes. HE really didn't want to think about this right now.

"You can feel free to change the subject, Darling." Lucinda offered.

"How are you doing?" Luke asked, grateful for the reprieve.

"Much better now that you are talking to me, Darling. Much better."

"I heard a rumor that you were awake."

"Hey," Luke said a broad smile crossing his lips as his father peeked into the room before coming all the way in. How's the best dad in the world doing?"

Holden reached the bed and pulled his son into a hug before taking a seat in the chair, smiling all the while. "I think the real question is how are you? You may be able to sway the conversation with everyone else, but it won't work with me."

"I should have figured that," Luke said thoughtfully. "I feel good, dad. Honestly, I feel a lot better than I have in a very long time. I guess I owe that to Noah."

"That's quite a husband you have there," Holden praised. "He was determined that you were going to be okay. I think your stubbornness has rubbed off on him."

Luke's laugh was rich and full, and Holden smiled. He had missed that sound. "Believe me dad; Noah comes by his stubbornness honestly. I don't think I have anything to do with that. I love him though. He always was protective of me and I think that just tripled since February. He doesn't remember everything but somehow he remembers that."

"That is a testament to how strong your bond is," Holden mused. "I have no problem seeing how lost one of you would be without the other."

"How very perceptive of you, Dad." Luke kidded. "Anything else you want to tell me."

"Are we talking specific advice or anything in general?"

"I don't know," Luke shook his head. "I guess I wish someone would tell me what to do, because I really have no clue. I feel like my life has just been crazy for so long. And I've been running on empty, and that needs to stop. James told me before to stop doing things on my own…and I tried, Dad I really did. It's just I don't like burdening people with things that I think I should handle myself. Like with Noah, I mean that's my responsibility and I feel like I need to handle it."

"Well Noah isn't a responsibility son, he's your husband…your equal and that means there needs to be some give and take. Let him take care of you while you take care of him. It gives him something to do as well, and makes him feel needed. He's already trying to figure out how to take care of you when you guys go home."

"That doesn't surprise me," Luke smiled. "I guess you're right though, we do need to take care of each other."

"And you need to figure out how you feel about your mother."

"How did you know I was thinking about that?"

"I'm your father, I know these things."

Luke sighed. "I don't suppose you know what I should do though, right?"

"Can't help you with that one son," Holden said sadly. "I can tell you that I cherish my relationship with your Grandma Emma. I don't think I could imagine not having her in my life."

"But Grandma Emma never left," Luke pointed out; his tone was soft as he looked his father straight in the eye. The Crux of it…the complete and honest truth was that he was too used to his mom leaving. He was used to her going astray and then returning. She would get their hopes up with promises of reunions and time. She always promised time, to be there for them when they needed her. Luke always accepted those promises, and she broke them it hurt just a little bit more each time. And now he wasn't a little kid anymore, but the feelings of abandonment never went away, and he had never taken her behavior so personally before.

"I just feel like there is this void, Dad," he said after a long pause. "It's like that small part of my heart that can never be fixed. It's been battered and bruised beyond repair and I'm just tired of it. Is that wrong? Should I just forgive her, and forget everything? Can I put my heart through that again?"

"I'm not going to tell you that you should forgive her, nor am I going to play bad guy and tell you not to. You have to do what's right for you, Luke. And if you feel that she's hurt you too much then that's how you feel. But it's your choice, son. And no matter what you decide, I will respect it."

'I'm just tired of broken promises," Luke confessed. "I'm tired of asking why and getting excuses instead of answers. I…I can't do it anymore dad, I just can't."

"Then I think you have your answer. And you know I'm not the one who needs to hear it. But, while I'm here I will apologize for my part in all those years of break ups and make ups. I'm sorry that it came to this, and…"

"No, Dad," Luke said cutting him off. "I don't need you to apologize, but I do thank you for putting up with me. Even when I'm angry. And thank you for being there when I need you, each and every time. Even when we're at odds and you don't understand me, or I don't understand you, I know I can always count on you and for that, I love you. I love you dad."

Holden wrapped his arms around his son and held him tight. "I love you too kiddo, always."

Aaron visited soon after Holden left. Luke was glad to see him, and listened to him talk a bit about how things were going with Alison. He apologized to his big brother for not being very receptive. He was growing weary from all the visitors and he just wanted Noah to come back so he could relax. When his Grandma Emma brought his sisters and little Ethan to see him he knew it wouldn't happen any time soon.

The girls were happy to see him, and Natalie asked where Noah was. They were very talkative, telling him all about what they were doing in school and how much they missed him. It made Luke sad, because it almost seemed as if he had been out for months instead of weeks. Then he mused that two weeks could seem like a month to a kid. He smiled and nodded and tried to stay alert for everyone since it was his family, but he truly just wanted to be alone. He prayed that his mother wouldn't decide to come; he knew he couldn't deal with her right then.

"Okay guys, visiting time is over."

"Noah," Faith and Natalie said in unison as they ran to the tall brunet who stood in the doorway. Luke smiled with relief as he watched his husband hug both girls and tousle their hair. Perhaps Noah didn't completely recall his relationship with the girls, but it didn't show; nor did it matter to them. They still loved him just the same.

"IT's good to see you girls too. I know you want to visit with Luke some more, but it's time for Luke to get some rest, okay?" There was a chorus of awwww and nooos but, Noah just laughed them off and ushered them out. Grandma Emma kissed him on the cheek before following Noah out the door. Once they were gone Luke collapsed, his head hitting the pillow, his eyes closed momentarily. Finally he had a moment of peace.

"No more visitors please," he moaned as he heard footsteps in the room.

"I hope that doesn't include me." He heard as he felt a weight on the bed.

Luke smiled, his eyes still closed as he turned toward the voice. "No, you I'd allow anytime. Thank you for getting rid of them."

"Can you open your eyes for a minute? I missed them."

Luke opened his eyes and held out his arms for Noah to join him. Noah stretched himself out in Luke's hospital bed and pulled his husband into his arms as much as he could. His fingers immediately found solace in Luke's hair and he kissed Luke's forehead as he spoke.

"Thank you."

"For what," Luke said sleepily.

"For opening your eyes for me."

"My pleasure." A moment passed before Luke spoke again. "Tell me how you've been."

"Are you sure? You know once I start talking, I can't stop."

Luke chuckled. "I like hearing you talk, Noah."

"Okay," Noah said his fingers still running through the silky blond strands. "I'm alright. I have recovered for the most part from the surgery, and between James, Maddie, your dad, and both your grandmas I have managed to be pretty healthy while you've been in here."

"I'll have to thank them for me."

Noah smiled, knowing it wouldn't be too long before his husband was fast asleep. "I don't know how you do it Luke, but it's not an easy job…looking out for everybody. I did the best I could, because I knew you would have wanted me to. James took over when I had the surgery, he was more than happy to do so."

"James is cool…Maddie misses him."

"He misses her too." Noah's fingers slowly massaged Luke's scalp as he spoke softly about their friends. "He's scared of being hurt again. it's like when you're first learning how to swim and you do…then you drown, so you have to psych yourself up to get back in the water again. That's where James Is right now and I think eventually he will take Maddie back. He was very caring with her these past weeks and…"

The sound of heavy breathing stopped his flow of words and he looked down. Luke was lying against him, and his chest was rising and falling with every even breath. Noah smiled and planted a gentle kiss on Luke's forehead. He held him as close as he could and rested his head on top of his. It didn't take long for Luke's breathing to lull him to sleep.

It would be the first time since the trial started that either of them had gotten a full night's sleep.

The next week flew by in a flurry of blood tests, checkups and visits from various family members and friends. Before Luke could catch his breath it was time for him to be released. James and Noah were with him most of the time. And he got to have serious discussions with his dad and with Maddie too. It was nice to be surrounded by all the people he cared about. He was focused on getting better and going home. And he never had to worry about his mother; Noah had explained how he had asked her to stay away until he was better. It reminded Luke of his own wishes back when Noah was in a coma. He was very grateful that Noah was there to look out for him.

He was more than ready to leave the hospital when the time came. He tried to be patient as Noah helped him into the wheelchair, and folded his hands in his lap so his husband could wheel him out of there. He didn't relax until he was sitting in the back seat of James' car with Noah right beside him. They drove home in relative silence. Luke rested his head on Noah's shoulder and watched Olde Town go by. The music was playing softly in the front seat, and he could have sworn he heard Noah singing along with James Taylor. He allowed Noah's voice to lull him to sleep and he was rather surprised when he opened his eyes and they were parked outside the apartment complex.

"You have a nice singing voice," He praised as Noah helped him out of the car. His husband's cheeks reddened slightly, and Luke kissed him softly and whispered in his ear. "I want you to sing for me again okay."

"Yeah," Noah said ducking his head and focusing on getting Luke into the house. James unlocked the door and Luke, who decided he wanted to walk, held onto Noah as they entered their home. Luke settled himself down on the couch and rested his head back against the pillow.

"It's good to be home," he sighed contentedly. "Hospitals drive me crazy."

"Then you need to stop ending up in them," James teased.

"I have to stop being a patient you mean," Luke laughed. "I wasn't planning on it, I swear."

"We know Luke," Noah said, but his flow of words was interrupted by his cell phone. "Hello?" he asked. "Now…but…" he sighed. "Okay, I'm coming. I'll meet you in the Town square. Bye." He turned his attention to James, and it wasn't lost on him that Luke was looking at him too. "I have to run out, can you stay here with Luke until I get back?"

"No problem," James said squeezing his shoulder.

"But, Noah," Luke protested. Noah came over and cupped his face in his hands.

"I'll be back," he said giving him a soft kiss on the lips. "This is important and I will explain when I get back."

"Okay," Luke said resigned to the fact that Noah was leaving. "Can you at least just walk?"

Noah started and turned to Luke, realizing exactly what Luke was afraid of. "Don't worry, I was planning on walking. See you soon. I love you."


	36. Chapter 36

His eyes flittered back and forth between the door and the book he was supposed to be reading. He couldn't help it, any time was too much time for Noah to be gone, and he couldn't help but think of the last time. He knew he shouldn't' be worried, Noah was walking…he wasn't driving and the weather was ten times nicer than it had been on that fateful day. He frowned, trying to concentrate on the words but he kept reading the same line over and over. His eyes flicked to the clock and his stomach began to twist in knots. Was the clock right? Had thirty minutes passed already? Noah had said he'd be right back…where did he go? Why did he go? Why did he have to leave just after they came home?

He shouldn't be thinking the worst, and it wasn't as if this were déjà vu. James was with him…sitting in the chair beside him looking at a magazine. HE seemed so calm. Luke wanted to be that calm. HE wanted to trust that Noah would be okay.

"You know, you aren't doing yourself any favors by worrying." James looked up from his paper and focused on Luke. "You need to relax or you won't be here when Noah gets back. You'll be in the hospital again and he'll be upset with both of us."

"I'm sorry, James, I just don't like it when he goes off without me knowing where he is going, or who he's with. This is the first time in a while that he's been anywhere without me or something close to us being with him."

"But he's walked to therapy sessions before right? And he had to go to work without you that one day. You're being paranoid, and I think you know that."

Luke bit his lip, he knew James was right, but he couldn't stop the panic. He couldn't stop the churning in his stomach. This reminded him too much of Christmas Eve. Just when things were getting back on track, and they were somewhat back to normal…that was when the accident had happened. Noah had been gone for hours and then he had gotten the phone call and if that happened again he didn't think his heart could take it.

The sound of the phone made him jump and even James was startled by the strangled scream that left his lips. James placed a hand on his shoulder to steady him, even as he reached for the telephone. "Hello? Oh hi Mr. Snyder. Yeah, hold on. Calm down, it's your dad," he whispered to Luke before handing him the telephone.

"Hi Dad," Luke said his voice sounding a little strained.

"What's the matter son? Did something happen?"

"Oh, no nothing's wrong…I just don't know where Noah is. No big deal," he said a little unconvincingly.

"Noah's not there? Where did he go?"

"I don't know," Luke said not able to hide the frantic pace in his voice. "I told him to walk…so I think he did that. But I don't know where he is."

"I'm sure he's okay, son. You have to calm down. You can't freak out every time Noah leaves the house…even though I know that scares you. HE's been up and about for months now."

"Just two," Luke said his voice soft as he tried to calm his nerves.

"And in those two months, he has walked to and from his therapy sessions and he has learned to follow your instructions about everything. Relax okay; I don't want you to end up back in the hospital. Noah loves you, and I'm sure he has a very good reason for being gone right now. He'll be back. Are you alright, besides that? Did James get you settled in okay?"

"Yes Dad. We've only been home for just under an hour and Noah left right after we got here." Even as he spoke his eyes once more moved to the door. James put his magazine down and went to the kitchen. He returned minutes later with a cup of tea. HE took the phone from Luke's trembling hands and replaced it with the cup.

"Drink this, and calm down. "Mr. Snyder," he said into the phone. "Don't worry, I'll watch him until Noah gets back. I'm not sure where he went, but he seemed really irritated by the call."

"Hmmmm that doesn't sound promising James," Holden sighed. "Okay I'll check in later. And if Noah doesn't come back soon, try his cell phone."

"I was going to do that. I'll let you know when he gets back. Bye sir."

Luke was sipping on his tea as James hung up the phone. It didn't go unnoticed by James that his eyes once more went to the door. He decided it was time to distract Luke until Noah returned.

"Okay Luke, focus on me for a minute here. Do you have any questions that you want answered?"

Luke looked down into his tea cup and took another sip before turning his attention to James. "It's okay James; you don't have to try to distract me. I just want Noah to come home."

"This better be important," he said as he took a seat and placed a cup of coffee on the table. "Luke's waiting for me at home, and I know he's going to worry. So what did you want to talk to me about?"

"How is he?"

Noah furrowed his brow and fiddled with his cup. He already wasn't amused. "He's exhausted, but I think he will be okay. They drew blood before he was released, and I think he's going to fight exhaustion until I get back." He took a sip of his coffee and rested his elbow on the table, his chin resting in his hand. "You said you wanted to talk to me about Luke. Not ask questions. What do you want?"

"I want to see him. Is that too much to ask?"

"Please tell me you did not call me just to ask me if you could see Luke," Noah said incredulously. "Seriously?"

"It was the only thing I knew to do. You would have thrown me out if I had come to the house."

Noah sighed. "This is not my decision to make," he insisted. "And I am very put off by you calling me out here for this. Did you forget that I was in a car accident?"

"What does that have to do with anything, Noah? Why are you thinking about yourself at a time like this?"

"Why are YOU thinking about yourself," Noah said getting angry with every word. "You called me and asked me to come out here to see you, when my husband…your son, is sitting at home probably freaking out because I'm not there. Do you know anything about how he felt that night? On Christmas Eve when I didn't come home. Can you imagine how scared he was? He just asked me not to drive. But I don't guess that you care."

"I didn't realize your accident hit him so hard. But you shouldn't judge me, Noah. That's not fair."

"I can admit that I don't remember my encounters with you, Lily," Noah conceded. "But I do know how Luke has felt since I came out of my coma. I've seen Luke's pain and his anger. I've seen how hurt he's been by your actions and let's not forget the reason he was in the hospital at all. What you did on that stand, Lily was unforgivable in my opinion, but I'm not Luke. He will decide how he feels about you, and he will do it on his time, not yours."

"You can get my son to do anything, Noah."

"If you really think that, Ms. Walsh then you don't know your son very well at all. Now unless you have something serious to talk to me about, I have to get back to Luke."

"Noah wait," she said reaching out to grab his arm to prevent him from standing. "I just want to see him. I know I screwed up. And I know that I needed to stay away from the hospital. But he's out now, and he doesn't need a baby sitter. You can sit and talk to me for a few minutes so we can set something up. Please. If you could just plead my case for me. You wouldn't want him to miss out on having a mother like you did, do you."

"How dare you," Noah ripped his arm out of her grasped and glared daggers in her direction. Lily had the good taste to at least squirm under that gaze. "You don't know anything about me, or my life and you have no right to throw that in my face, none. If Luke chooses to forgive you then I will stand by him on that. But it will be his decision. I won't manipulate him, and I won't let you manipulate me. I am very upset with you right now for taking me away from Luke for your petty needs."

"I don't see anything petty about wanting to see my son," Lily argued. "I want to see him and you are keeping me away from him. In the hospital that's one thing but I won't let it happen now that he is home."

HE JUST CAME HOME TODAY," Noah exclaimed. "Just thirty minutes ago and you called me away from him immediately. And right now I can't worry about you missing him, or any such nonsense as that. I have to focus on him, because I actually care about his mental state."

"I'm sorry Noah." Her words hit him as he walked away, and he sighed. He turned to face her, her eyes were downcast and her lips were set in a frown. She actually looked sad, and he felt bad that he felt no sympathy for her at the moment.

"Yeah, so am I. If Luke wants to talk to you, he knows how to reach you…and you know where we live. Good bye, Lily."

James frowned as his eyes landed on the clock one more time. He was certain Noah was okay; in fact he knew he was. Those words weren't very comforting for Luke though. He was still looking at the door, still jumping every time the phone rang and checking his cell phone as if he expected to see a missed call or a text message from his husband. James had taken the phone away from him after awhile to keep him from opening and closing it. He was about ready to call Noah himself when he heard the key in the lock.

"Noah," Luke said jumping up and running straight into Noah before he could even enter the house. "Oh thank god you came back."

"Luke," Noah said hugging him back as he locked eyes with James. "What's wrong?" HE somehow managed to pull Luke away enough to wrap his arm around him so he could enter the house and close the door."Is everything okay?"

"I was just worried," Luke explained. "You were gone for so long and I know that's crazy and I shouldn't be worried but the last time…."

"Hey," Noah said cupping his face in his hands. "It's alright, Luke. I'm here now, okay. I'm sorry I was gone so long, but I'm here now. And I walked just like I told you I would."

"I know," Luke said frowning. "James has been trying to tell me the same thing. He even took my phone away."

Noah looked at James who held up the coveted phone. "I didn't want him to break it," he sheepishly.

"I'm sorry I worried you both." Noah said turning his attention back to Luke.

"IT's okay. Where were you?"

Noah pursed his lips. He didn't want to tell Luke where he was, but he knew he had to. "I was with your mother."

"What?"

"Your Mother called, and said that she wanted to talk to me now about you," Noah explained.

"Why?" Luke asked and Noah winced at the harshness in his voice.

"It's not important Luke. I told her no and came right back home."

"Noah, I know I just came home from the hospital...but I promise you I am not going to break. What did she want?"

"She wanted me to convince you to talk to her."

"And she had to do that today?" Luke said incredulously.

Noah frowned. "I'm sorry Luke. I know you're mad. She made it sound urgent and I didn't' think I was going to be gone that long. I ended up getting into an argument with her though because she brought up how I didn't have a mother and that was why I should talk to you about her because I wouldn't' want you to end up that way."

"Oh Noah, tell me she didn't say that to you?" Luke was appalled that those words would have come out of his mother's mouth. It wasn't right for her to use Noah's pain for her own gain.

"I'm sorry Luke, maybe I'm being disrespectful but your mother can be a real bitch sometimes."

Even James was startled to hear those words come out of Noah's mouth. He figured that Ms. Walsh must have really made him angry. Luke sighed and placed a hand on Noah's cheek.

"I'm not mad at you, not in the least. I am angry at her though. I just don't think I can deal with her today."

"Did you decide what you want to do about her," James asked.

""Yeah, I made the best decision for me." Luke bit his lip and slipped deeper into Noah's arms. Noah gladly welcomed the embrace and held Luke close. "Right now I just want to sit here and relax." Luke's voice was muffled by Noah's shirt, but James and Noah got the gist of what he was saying.

"I'm going to head on home then," James said getting up from his seat. "I'm glad you're home Luke."

Luke wriggled out of Noah's embrace Long enough to hold his arms out for a hug which James gladly gave him. "I'll see you tomorrow, James…and thanks."

"That's what brothers are for," James said as Luke settled back into Noah's arms. "Take care of him, Noah."

Noah shared a hug with James too before he let himself out of the apartment. Finally they were alone, and Noah pulled Luke closer. He could feel the other man shaking, and when he looked down he saw a smile on Luke's face. He was trembling with laughter. "You want to fill me in on the joke," he asked, a smile slipping across his face too.

"You….You called my mother a bitch," Luke chuckled. Noah attempted to be serious but Luke's laugher was contagious and his shoulders begin to shake with mirth. It didn't' take long for him to burst into full unabashed giggles. It was a good ten minutes before they calmed down again, and Luke tried to catch his breath as he snuggled closer to his husband. "I'm sorry, Noah."

"For what?"

"For my mother using you like that. She had no right using your past against you like that."

"Its okay, Luke. No worries."

"But I do worry," Luke said sitting up and facing his husband head on. "And it's not right. She shouldn't have done that."

"Well that's nothing really, compared to what she did in court," Noah pointed out.

Luke shook his head. "Can you tell me about the rest of the trial?"

"Are you sure you want to hear?" Noah asked. "It wasn't very pretty Luke. And I ended up reaming out your mother a few times in court."

"That Mayer temper showed itself and I missed it," Luke said softly. "I want to heart Noah. I know I might not like it…in fact I'm sure I'll hate it. But I want to know. And I'm…"

"You have no reason to apologize to me, or anyone else," Noah said pressing a finger against his lips. "And I'll tell you anything you want to know. You know that."

Luke kissed the finger before taking Noah's hand into his. "I just want to know what I have missed in the last two weeks. It's Tuesday isn't it?" Noah nodded and Luke smiled. "IF I wasn't so weak I'd suggest we cook together," He smiled."

"Maybe on Thursday," Noah said resting his forehead against Luke's. He leaned in to kiss him softly, and it didn't take long for the kiss to deepen and Luke moaned contentedly.

"I missed you," he muttered against his husband's lips."

"The feelings mutual," Noah said stealing one more kiss before he pulled away completely. "There is so much that I have to tell you though, and I think we should talk over dinner. I want you to eat, and I won't take no for an answer MR. Both of us need to take extra care of ourselves now, so we can stay healthy."

"It still blows me away that you did this for me."

"I'd do anything for you, Luke. I was so scared when you fell that day. I couldn't feel your pulse and I was so mad, at your mother and at myself for not doing what needed to be done to protect you."

"It's not your fault that I fell, Noah. I haven't been taking care of myself these past few months and I guess hearing my mother say those on the stand just sent me over the edge."

"You were under a lot of stress. 

"Yeah I was, and if you apologize for that one more time, Noah Mayer I swear."

"You swear what," Noah laughed as he took Luke's hands into his. His expression turned serious as he kissed his husband's knuckles. "I propose that we don't apologize to each other. I mean doesn't love mean never having to say you're sorry?"

"You closet romantic," Luke laughed. "I'll never forget the day I found out you actually watched Love Story!"

Noah smiled. "I don't remember that particular moment, but I saw the book on your bookshelf and I read it."

Luke's laughter was rich and full and Noah blushed three shades of red. "You are such a dork, and I love you."

Noah kissed him again, and held him close for a long moment. It was nice to be here like this he had missed having Luke close and all he really wanted to do was revel in the sweet moments. He didn't want to shatter Luke's calm but he knew that he had to. He had so much he needed to tell him, and he didn't want to risk Luke finding any of it out from any other source.

"Come on," he said pulling away, and lifting himself and Luke off the couch. "We're going to cook and then we need to have a long talk."

"Something tells me I'm not going to like it," Luke commented as they made their way through the apartment to the kitchen.

"Probably not, but you need to know."

It didn't take long for their dinner to be ready. Spaghetti and meatballs, smothered in a Jar of Emma's special sauce. Noah poured them each a glass of white grape juice and settled down into his seat. Luke pulled the garlic bread out of the oven and brought a slice over to the table for him and Noah. He took his seat as well and they smiled at each other before digging into their spaghetti.

"So, you said you have a lot to tell me," Luke said after a few minutes of silence. He twirled his spaghetti around his fork and took a bite, getting a little bit of sauce on his chin as he did so.

"You're making a mess," Noah replied as he reached over to wipe away the sauce. "I do have a lot to say, Luke. I'm just not sure where to start."

Luke picked up his garlic bread and took a bite. HE closed his eyes as he chewed, savoring the buttery garlic flavor. Noah focused on his own food as he watched his husband eat. He knew others would think it was weird, but he loved to watch Luke's reactions to his food. IT was almost orgasmic. When he licked his fingers Noah's heartbeat quickened and he wondered if Luke was doing it on purpose. He reached across the table and took a hold of Luke's arm pulling his hand away from his face.

"What?" his husband asked innocently.

"You are being mean," Noah said pointedly.

Luke looked at his fingers and smiled before wriggling out of Noah's grasp. "I'm sorry, baby. He leaned forward to kiss Noah gently. "Why don't you start at the beginning and tell me what you need to. I'll be an attentive listener, I promise."

Noah looked down at his food, twirling the spaghetti with his fork as he tried to figure out the best way to start. Luke was right, they needed to start at the beginning, and he just needed to be straight forward and honest, and he needed to focus. He reached out to take Luke's free hand and allowed his thumb to caress it softly.

"They adjourned court for the day, but James convinced me that we just needed to continue the case. We wanted to get it over with for your sake, so the next day James and I were in court with Tom, and we got to hear the rest of your mom's testimony."

"Was it bad?"

"Well, she pretty much accused you of cheating on me," Noah admitted softly. "She was saying a lot of awful things, and I even got up and called her a liar. But then Tom got her to admit that she was being blackmailed."

"Are you serious?"

"Yes. Tom asked her if she bailed Randy out because he and Mr. Simpson threatened to share secrets about her and Dusty. Mr. Simpson tried to object to the question, but Judge Newcomb wanted to know the answer. So she had to admit it."

"Oh wow. That figures."

Noah recognized the tone in his husband's voice and it made him frown. He didn't have to ask him what he was thinking. He couldn't even say the thought hadn't occurred to him. Once again Lily had put herself first. He squeezed Luke's hand encouragingly and continued with his story.

"Tom suggested that we end court early that day, and the Judge agreed. James insisted that I go home, l even though I wanted to go to the hospital to sit with you."

"I'll have to thank him for taking care of you."

"That's what brothers are for," Noah said as he continued to graze Luke's hand with his thumb. "I decided I was going to work on my memory exercises, since I wanted to do something that would help you. Remember the bag of triggers?"

"Yeah, you carry that bag with you everywhere."

Noah nodded. "Well, I picked it up that day, and I was looking for the script I'd been reading. I didn't find that…but I found a tape with no label."

Luke frowned. He wasn't sure where Noah was going with this, but he didn't' think he was going to like it. "Okay…I don't understand."

"I watched the tape. And when it started it looked like a movie…but I had thought the director made an odd choice in how to shoot it."

"Noah…"

"It was shot from the ceiling and you were the subject of the tape."

"Me?" Luke frowned. "Where…where did this tape come from?"

"It came from the studio, Luke."

His breath caught and he bit his lip. No it couldn't be what he was thinking. There was no way that was possible right? Surely the tape was just one of the ones that Noah had recorded over the summer, and it just got misplaced. That had to be it. "And…when did you find this tape, Noah."

"A month ago…in Greg's office." The color drained from Luke's face, and Noah squeezed his hand tighter, trying to send some level of reassurance his way. He swallowed knowing he needed to continue. Luke needed to know the whole story. "The tape was dated November 21, 2007, and it clearly showed you sitting at the desk working on something."

Luke began to tremble despite his best efforts to sit still. This just wasn't happening. He kept pleading with some higher power to make it go away. He was not hearing these words out of Noah's mouth…and Noah was not describing that night to him it just wasn't possible.

"And then Randy came in….and after he hugged you, I started to realize what I was watching." His eyes met Luke's head on; wanting to make sure his husband understood what he was going to say next.

"I couldn't stop."

Luke bit down on his lip so hard that he drew blood. HE swallowed and forced himself to keep his eyes on Noah. The trembling seemed to get worse, but he was ignoring that at the moment. The only thought running through his mind was that Noah had seen. Noah had witnessed his greatest shame. He had lived the horror…what he had wanted no one to see. He chewed on his lip and tried unsuccessfully to pull his hand away from Noah. That gaze was intense, and there was nothing to fear from it…he knew that.

"You….you saw it?"

"Yes Luke, I saw it," he said keeping his voice gentle, "all of it, and it broke my heart. I could see the fear in your eyes, and the terror on your face."

For the longest time he said nothing. He was trying to get his breathing and the trembling under control. Having a panic attack seemed like overkill and he could control it. He needed to control it. "Oh my god…Noah I'm so sorry. I'm sorry you had to see that. I'm sorry." He didn't even notice the tears until they wet his cheeks. He couldn't believe his husband had to watch that. "You…I'm sorry you had to see that."

Noah reached across the table to wipe the tears from his Husband's eyes. "Don't be sorry, Luke. You don't ever have to apologize to me. I wish I could have protected you from it," he admitted sadly. "And I wish I could make it go away, but I can't do that." He cupped Luke's face gently and made sure the blond was looking him straight in the eye. "What I can do is be here for you now, and tell you over and over that I love you. Randy didn't win, Luke. He'll never win. We won't let him."

"You'll have to tell me that from time to time," Luke said, as he tried to regain his composure. "I must come off as a big baby, and I'm sorry. It's just that I didn't want you to go through that. No one should have to go through that."

"You shouldn't have had to go through it either," Noah pointed out. "And if I hadn't been such an idiot that night, you would have never gone to the studio. I bear as much blame for what happened as Randy does."

"NO you don't," Luke said adamantly. "You are not to blame for his actions Noah. And I am not going to let you sit here and blame yourself for that."

"But Luke, don't you understand? IT was my actions that sent you there and while I may not have been the one to physically hurt you, if I had done what you asked me to do, you would never have been in a position for that to happen to you."

"It's my fault, Noah. I'm the one who didn't listen to your concerns about Randy. I'm the one who tried to be his friend, and I'm the one who was too stubborn to just tell you why I was upset. I expected you to know, and when you accused me of cheating with him I should have just stayed and hashed it out with you. That's all on me, not you. You didn't do anything wrong."

"I did do something wrong. I threw an accusation in your face that I knew would hurt you, and then wasn't there to protect you from that …that barbarian, when you needed me."

"Noah…"

"No, I should have been there, Luke. I should have realized there was something wrong. I may still have gaps in my memory, but I know that I loved you intensely and I should have realized long before I did that something was very very wrong. I feel like I have failed you as a husband terribly."

"I'm not blaming you for me being stupid." Luke said plainly. "IT's not your fault that I am blind, and truthfully, Noah you are the best husband ever. That was why I was scared to tell you. Don't you see? He made me feel dirty. He made me feel like I didn't deserve you at all, and I felt like…I felt like trash, and yet all I could think about was you. If not for you I would have gone a little crazy, and I know you don't remember, but I'm sorry for the weeks of hell I put you through."

"So, where do we go from here, Luke?" Noah asked, his finger lightly brushing the hand he still held. "I love you. Do we accept that we both made mistakes and move on? I'm not sure what I am supposed to do here, but I'm glad you're here and awake to help me figure it out."

A sad smile crossed Luke's Lips and he leaned forward to share a brief kiss with his husband. "I'm sorry; I did kind throw you off track there. You were telling me your story. Can you tell me the rest?"

"Well, James saw the tape too, but not a lot of it. He's the one who turned it off and the big thing is that while the tape played, I remembered things."

"Well I'm glad something good came out of that damn tape," Luke tried to find the humor in the situation, but it was really hard. James had seen the tape too? "I'll let you tell me about the memories in a second…but I need to know. How many people saw that tape?"

"The tape was the last piece of evidence showed in court the next day. And I was back on the witness stand."

"Thanks to the new memories?"

"Yeah, that was part of it. Mr. Simpson tried to have the tape dismissed as evidence, because he claimed it was illegal, but it was obvious that the tape was from that night. The court room was closed, so besides Mr. Simpson, Randy, Tom and myself, the only other people who saw the tape were James and the Jurors."

"That sounds like some crazy rock band," Luke quipped as he closed his eyes. IT seemed to him that too many people had seen the humiliation he had suffered that night…but he could get past that. Randy was in jail now…that was the important thing.

"Luke…I remember what he said that night."

"What who said," Luke asked frowning.

"Randy…I remember why I hit him…and I don't know if I want to tell you what he said or not."

It was Luke's turn to reach up, his free hand stroking his husband's cheek lovingly. "Tell me, Noah. What did he say that upset you so much that night?"

"Well he had been making comments all night, you knew that…he made that crack about dessert and even before you came out the shower he asked if there was trouble because I wasn't showering with you."

Luke frowned. He did remember Randy being very inappropriate. HE hadn't realized it started even before the party began though. "Go on, Noah. Tell me the rest."

"While you were in the kitchen with James, he…he called you a cock tease," Noah said keeping his voice low. "And I told him he needed to stop. He just kept making comment, after comment after comment. And then he it, the final thing that made me snap."

"Tell me."

Noah swallowed and locked his gaze with his husband's. "HE said that you should be pinned to the floor…and fucked continuously until you learned your lesson."

He could see the rage in those blue eyes, and he was acutely aware of his own rage mixed with horror. He didn't know what was worse; the fact that Randy had the nerve to say that to Noah, or the fact that it was indeed what happened. He shuddered just thinking about it. He left his seat, and slid into his husband's lap, wrapping his arms around his neck. Their foreheads were touching and their lips were inches apart.

"You had every reason to hit him. I thought that then, and I know it now. Thank you for defending me."

Noah closed the distance between them and they shared a soft but sensual kiss. He moaned when the kiss ended and was reluctant to move his forehead away from Luke's. "There's more."

"More?" Luke said pulling away just enough to look into his husband's sapphire eyes."

"Yeah…I want to tell you why the tape was in my bag and what I remembered that day. And I know that you aren't going to like this so I'm not going to beat around the bush with it. I found the tape just lying on the table in Greg's office. It had no label which was why I brought it home. And Randy was in the room."

"What was Randy doing in the security office?"

"That was my question too, since he should have been in court with you. Now I know he was there switching the tapes…but that's not even the important part Luke. I remember who hit me."

"You remember the accident?" Noah nodded his expression sad. "Noah tell me."

"Randy grabbed me when I tried to get away from him, and I remembered that he was there that night."

Luke's pale face grew paler as he looked at his husband. "He was there, how do you know that?"

"I saw him. I thought he was you, Luke…the hair I saw the hair and I blacked out. But before that I remember seeing the SUV and the driver…"

"Was Randy," Luke said finishing Noah's sentence. "That bastard hit you with his car, and then left you there."

"And he's in jail," Noah gently reminded his husband. "He was sentenced for hurting you, and he was arrested for hurting me. And he can't do it anymore…and it's not your fault."

"Do you think we can stop talking about him then?" Luke asked biting his lip.

"I definitely wouldn't complain," Noah agreed. "We can talk about my dad."

"Hmmm I guess that's the lesser of two evils."

"Luke!" Noah said trying to look indignant but failing.

Luke chuckled. "Did you have some memories about your father?"

"Yeah…and I needed to share them with you because I don't understand them."

"Do you mind if we continue this conversation in our bedroom? Noah, what are you doing," He laughed and wrapped his arms around Noah's neck as the other man stood, lifting him into the air. "Are you crazy, put me down."

"I've always wanted to do this…so humor me will you." Luke's laughter was a nice change from the gloominess of a few minutes before. He rested his head on Noah's shoulder as Noah carried him to their room. Finally when they stood at the foot of the bed he set him on his feet.

"You are such a dork," Luke said kissing him softly. "And I fall more in love with you every day."

"While you were in the hospital I thought about you all the time," Noah voiced as he pulled Luke down to the bed. He wrapped Luke in his arms and continued his thought. "You are everything to me, Luke…I love you. If I don't' remember anything else for the rest of my life I know that much, and that is more than enough."


	37. Chapter 37

The room was silent, the moon kissing the two figures laying together in the bed. They each had a side, Luke on the right, and Noah on the left. They were facing each other, just enjoying the view…drinking it in. They had missed this, the comfort of being in the same space. They had missed this…them being together. They didn't touch…there was no need to. Their eyes spoke volumes and Luke felt almost drunk. HE just couldn't get enough…and neither could Noah.

"It's dark," Luke said his voice soft as he rested his head against the pillow. "We always have long conversations this way."

"It's been awhile since we did that," Noah remarked, a smile crossing his lips. "I don't even want to calculate how long we've actually been separate."

"Five months," Luke whispered. Actually I guess that's more like half a year. I'm not counting February, because as beautiful as it was,"

"The moment was tainted by what happened next," Noah finished his sentence.

"And no more apologies for that, I know you're sorry and you know that I love you. And when I'm truly ready, you'll be the first to know."

Noah grinned and leaned in for a kiss…soft, sweet…simple.

"You said you wanted to talk about your dad," Luke said after silence reigned briefly.

"I had some memories of him that I can't quite figure out" Noah admitted. "It's memories from my childhood and I don't want to ask him about them. I actually don't ever want to see him again, if I can help that."

"He's going to think that's my fault," Luke cautioned.

"It's not. I mean I've seen the way he acts, Luke, and his attitude toward you and the way he acted on the stand…I just don't want anything to do with him. So I'm not sure if my memories are being influenced by that fact."

"Well I wouldn't think that your childhood memories could be affected by what you find out now. I mean you aren't creating new memories. Why don't you tell me about them? We've never really talked about your childhood much. Just little bits here and there."

"He used to hit me." Noah's voice was almost inaudible, and Luke inched closer, but still he didn't touch him. "I wasn't sure if that was some delayed reaction to the two altercations I had with him recently or what. But I was five, and I accidently made a mess, and he yelled at me for it. I remember hiding somewhere…a…a closet and he would bang on the door and demand I come out of there. And when he caught me…"

"Did he ever give you a reason for hitting you? Do you remember that?"

"The phrase toughen me up comes to mind, and he liked to yell too."

"Did something trigger these memories, Noah? Did something happen with your dad that you didn't tell anyone about?"

"Just his voice," Noah admitted. "He…he called and he was so angry…his voice was loud like thunder. And just the sound of it struck a chord and." He frowned, his eyes downcast for a moment as he thought about his father's words.

"And what?" Luke asked trying to keep the anger out of his voice.

"You know, you and James are lucky. You both have such good dads, and its obvious that they love you." Luke could hear the sadness in his husband's voice. He inched even closer until he could embrace Noah…when he needed him to. "Luke…I don't think I have any good memories of my childhood. Each time I reach back that far I come across such anger and…hatred. It…its confusing because he always says he loves me. But if he loved me, why did he treat me that way? Why wasn't I a good enough son, then…and why am I not good enough now. I wish I wouldn't remember him at all but he…he called and I answered the phone. I was always answering the phone when I wasn't with you…because I was afraid that it would be that moment…the minute I walked away from your room that would be the moment something happened. So, I always answered the phone and he just said "you worthless piece of shit, how could you turn on your own father like that. You're a coward, Noah. You've always been a coward and a disgrace…" and he said all these other words and it brought back all the memories."

Luke didn't know which emotion to focus on first. He was hurt for Noah; the child who had endured so much hurt and hatred; and the man, his husband who was essentially reliving it all as he regained his memory. Luke was also angry at the man who had put Noah in this position. He had tolerated the man because he was a part of Noah's life, but no more…if Luke had anything to say about it the Colonel would not interfere in their lives again…ever.

"You are the bravest man I have ever met." Luke closed the distance between them, pulling Noah into his arms and holding him tightly."There isn't a cowardly bone in your body, Noah and It would take a lifetime to share with you all the great qualities you have, because there are so many."

"I have all the time in the world," Noah whispered. His eyes were half closed and he enjoyed being this close to Luke again.

"Sing for me, Noah," Luke requested sleepily.

"Are you serious?"

"Yes."

Noah pulled away and wrapped Luke in his arms. Luke's head settled at the crook of Noah's neck and they snuggled there as Noah begin singing softly. "… if I lay here, if I just lay here, would you lie with me and just forget the world,"

His voice was soothing and Luke couldn't help but smile as he snuggled closer.

"Forget what we're told, before we get too old. Show me a garden that's bursting into life. All that I am, all that I ever was, is here in your perfect eyes, there all I can see. I don't know when, confused about how as well, but know that these things will never change for us at all. If I lay here, if I just lay here, would you lie with me and just forget the world"

"I love you Noah," Luke whispered as he drifted off to sleep, the smile still present on his lips. Noah allowed the song to fade out as Luke's breathing begin to work it's magic on him.

"I love you too."

"You've reached the home of Mayer and Snyder…""Why does your name get to go first" Luke laughed "Because it's first alphabetically now hush," Luke laughs as Noah continues, "We're unavailable to take your call at this time, but if you leave a name and a message after the beep, one of us will get back to you shortly." "Or you can catch us on our cell phones," Luke laughed again just before the beep sounded.

"Hey, Noah, it's James. I'm just checking in to make sure we're still on for this afternoon…"

"James," Noah said sounding a little out of breath. "Hey."

"Hey. You sound like you just ran a marathon," James chuckled.

"I just got back," Noah explained. He balanced the phone on his shoulder and carried the bag into the kitchen. "I had to run to the store. Can you believe we didn't have any Mozzarella Cheese and no Garlic!"

"Wow, that is an emergency," James teased. "Did you pick up the ricotta too? And are Maddie and Ali going to be there soon?"

"Yes, yes and yes. I'm going to put this stuff away and then we can meet up with Luke. It shouldn't be too hard to keep him away from the apartment for an afternoon. He thinks we are taking you out for your birthday. That way when we get back to the apartment…"

"You've planned this out really well Noah. No worries. I better finish up here; I just wanted to check in. See you soon."

"Bye James."

Noah clicked the phone off and finished with the groceries. IT had been ten days since Luke came home from the hospital, and things were slowly getting back to normal. They were taking time off from work to fully recover from their respective surgeries. And Luke had worked hard to make up for the weeks of school he had missed. He was at the university now taking his last final. James and Noah were going to meet up with him there.

He was just putting the last layer of Mozzarella on the lasagna when there was a knock at the door. He wiped his hands on the hand towel and went to answer it, carrying the phone with him to hang it up.

"Hey!" he exclaimed as he opened the door to find Alison and Maddie smiling at him. He gave them each a hug before moving aside to let them enter."

"Hi Noah, it's nice to see you outside the hospital," Ali teased.

"I agree with that," Noah laughed.

"Something smells good in here," Maddie said walking further into the apartment.

"Are you ready to put us to work?" Ali asked.

"I have to meet James," Noah said as he led the girls into the kitchen. "The lasagna is just about ready to go in the oven. The Garlic potato soup is on the stove you just need to stir it every now and again. The sauce for the meatballs is just about done and the decorations still need to go up and…"

"Down, Noah," Maddie smiled at her friend. "I think Ali and I can handle it. You just keep Luke away from here and we'll be all set."

"Yeah I have no doubt that Luke will be surprised. Aaron will be bringing the cake with him."

"And Will and Gwen have a surprise for Luke. I'm excited this is going to be fun."

Noah kissed both girls on the cheek and thanked them for their help. HE just wanted this to be perfect and it would be. Luke had made his birthday special, so he wanted to return the favor. A small surprise party fit the bill just fine…he couldn't be selfish and keep Luke all to himself…even though he wanted to.

"I'll see you guys back here around 6ish. You told everyone to arrive at 5 right?"

"Yes, Noah. Now go." Maddie said practically pushing him out the kitchen.

Maddie pushed Noah out of the house and closed the door behind him. She smiled as Ali entered from the kitchen.

"He's finally gone?"

"Yep," Maddie said pushing herself away from the door. "Now we need to get to work. Did Aaron remember the instructions for the cake?"

"Yes the cake will be for both Luke and James just as Noah requested. James will be so surprised, since he only knows Noah's throwing a party for Luke."

"Yeah it will be a nice surprise for him," Maddie said as she started in on the decorations.

"You miss him, don't you?" Ali said as she grabbed the balloons out of the closet.

"I do," Maddie admitted. "I' love him so much, Ali, and I know I messed up."

"He'll come around," Ali encouraged. "He loves you too; he just needs some time, that's all."

"I hope you're right, Ali. I don't know what I would do if I lost him. But enough about my love life, we have a party to get ready for. What time did Noah say he'd be back?"

"There he is," Noah said as Luke came out of the lecture hall and walked toward them.

'Hey," Luke said coming up to give Noah a hug and a kiss. "Happy birthday," he said turning his attention to James."

"Same to you," James said hugging his friend. "How did your test go?"

"It went well," Luke said taking a hold of Noah's hand. "You wouldn't believe the questions on that test. There were two that had to deal with people who are comatose for any periods of time. The main question was about how a coma patient adapts once they wake u p."

"Seriously?" James asked.

"Yeah, go figure right?"

"You must have had a ball with that one," Noah commented with a smile.

"Let's just say those questions were fairly easy for me. But enough about that, school's over and I don't have to worry about it anymore until August. So what do you want to do for your birthday, James?"

James shrugged. "Dad and I had breakfast this morning. That's our tradition, he always takes me out for breakfast at the same restaurant, same table, the only thing that changes is the conversation." James smiled. "It's a lot of fun."

"We had breakfast at the farm before Luke's test," Noah admitted. "It was really the first time I've been around the whole family at once in a long time."

"Do you want me to him about your reaction to a certain spot in the kitchen," Luke teased.

James laughed. "Why do I have a feeling I don't want to know." 

"He blushed," Luke explained as they walked through Old Town. "He doesn't know why, but he blushed red which in turn made me blush and my little sister, bless her heart, asked us if we were coming down with fevers."

"Natalie is such a sweetie," Noah laughed. "She even felt our foreheads and was slightly confused when they felt normal. Faith told her we were blushing but I don't think that explanation helped her out at all."

"I wish I could have been there," James smiled.

"Well you know you are welcome to breakfast, lunch or dinner at the farm at any time. I think my dad is think of you as an honorary Snyder."

"Luke likes to share his dad," Noah explained.

"I'll share mine too. He's the best," James said as he started walking backwards. "So where do you two want to go to eat? We have a few hours to kill, right?"

Luke would never be able to get the image of what happened next out of his head. They had been walking and laughing, Noah was holding his hand, and James was walking backwards as they continued to discuss what to get to eat.

He felt an arm wrap around his neck and immediately he let go of Noah's hand to stay off his attacker. "Stay still and no one will get hurt," a harsh voice said in his ear. He tried to stay still, even though his instinct was to fight, and he would have if not for the sharp tip he could feel at his back.

"Let him go," Noah said a menacing tone in his voice. Out of the corner of his eye, Luke could see James still walking backwards as he disappeared around the corner. He swallowed and licked his lips. He had to focus here.

"What…what do you want," he asked.

"I want you and your faggot friend here to give me all your money, and no funny business," The man said, pressing the point of the knife just enough to make a point. "Don't move," the man said to Noah who was trying to inch closer. "IF you don't want your boyfriend here to die you better stay where you are, and empty your pockets."

"N…Noah just do what he says," Luke ordered as he reached into his own pockets and pulled out his wallet.

"Get off of him." The voice alone made Luke and Noah take notice and Noah was quick to catch his husband in his arms as the man let go and turned on James. "Run guys, run," James ordered as he fought with the would be attacker.

Luke and Noah were too stunned to move as they watched James fight with the mugger, trying to get the knife out of his hands. The mugger kneed him once and thrust with the knife.

"OH god," Noah said moving away from Luke to chase after the fleeing Mugger.

"Noah No," Luke called after him. He forced himself to move over to where James was standing with a shocked look on his face. Luke's hand touched his shoulder and the red head turned slightly to look at him. Before Luke could blink, He felt the body forcing him to the ground. "Oh god, James!"


	38. Chapter 38

The sky was crisp clear and blue, with not even a cloud to mar its beauty. The sun was shining brightly and the birds were even chirping happily. IT was indeed a perfect day…James would have loved it. HE liked days like this, and Maddie wished she could think about that…but she couldn't. her heart was full of sorrow, and she wished that the day could fit her mood. She felt dark and gloomy…lost. In essence she felt like a part of her had died.

She felt numb as she stood at the entrance of the church, beside his father as they greeted the mourners. The pews were full of people who had loved James. His life had touched so many, and that life was being cut short too soon. His classmates were there, his professors, his father's colleagues, and the patients he had been working with during his internship. Henry was there, with Vienna by his side. Tom, Margo, Alison and Aaron…her friends …his friends they were all there to say good bye.

The tears came easily, sliding down her cheeks without a care. A gentle hand wiped them away and she found herself looking up into sad blue eyes. Immediately she fell into the tall brunet's arms and he wrapped them tight around her, his hands rubbing up and down her back trying to soothe her.

"I'm so sorry, Maddie," he said pulling away after a moment. "I…I wish there was more I could have done." Tears filled his eyes too and Maddie reached up her bingers to brush them away.

"Where's Luke?" she asked, her voice thick with emotion. "The service will be starting shortly.

"He's with Hol…with Dad. He'll be in shortly." Even as Noah spoke, Holden and Luke appeared at the door. Maddie watched as Holden shook George McPherson's hand.

"Your son was a fine young man, George. He will be missed." Holden said in his soft tones.

"Thank you," Dr. McPherson replied, his voice barely a whisper. He was taking this hard. Probably harder than anyone. Luke stepped forward, and Maddie could see the tear tracks and the red blotchy eyes. He had been crying for days…he hadn't just lost a friend; he'd lost a brother that day.

"I'm so sorry, Dr. McPherson," Luke said as he gave the older gentleman a hug.

"I'm sorry too son, I know James meant a lot to you, to all of you. And you all meant a great deal to him…but no more tears," he proclaimed even as he wiped a few away himself. It's time to celebrate my son's life."

Celebrating, Maddie mused was not the right word, but Luke would probably say that was about right. To celebrate was to appreciate and honor the life of someone you loved or a moment…a holiday. It was supposed to hold special meaning…and she never understood that. She had talked about it with Luke, in the days leading up to the service. They had known James for such a short time…but their memories with him were so rich and full of…of life and love and…happiness. There was that word again; it described James' life completely didn't it?

A hand on her shoulder brought her attention back to the present. Luke and Noah sat to her right, and Dr. McPherson sat to her left. Holden was beside Noah, and Alison, Aaron, Henry and Vienna sat behind them. Lucinda was there, beside Dr. McPherson, holding his hand to offer some semblance of comfort. He looked like he had aged ten years since James' death and it showed on his face especially. James had been his world, Maddie was well aware of that. James had loved his father more than anything else in the world. His dad had been the center.

"We're gathered here today," The minister began, "To bid farewell to James Robert McPherson. He was a son, a lover, a brother and a friend to so many, and at this time I would like to ask if anyone would like to come up and say a few words?"

Holden stood first and walked to the front of the room. Maddie watched him, her eyes clear of tears for the moment. She reached out to slip her hand into Luke's. He squeezed her fingers gently and gave her a sympathetic look, before focusing on his dad who stood in front of the casket.

"I met James in December, after my son-in-law's unfortunate accident. He was there to support my son, Luke. Right away I knew three things about James. He was very intelligent, with a good head on his shoulders, He had a big heart, he was always there to lend Luke a friendly ear and I am not sure where Luke would be today if not for James. His love and support are what helped Luke get through the time when Noah was in a coma. I know that my boys and James have become very close over the last few months and his death came protecting my boys for which I will be forever grateful."

Noah stood next and shared a hug with Holden before making his way to the pulpit. For long moments his eyes roamed around the room, taking in all the people who were there to say good bye. It was only when his eyes rested on Luke that he begin to speak. His voice was thick and husky…he had cried a lot over the past few days.

"I never had a brother before," he started, biting his lip to keep the tears at bay. "I always wanted one…someone who would understand me, and someone who just wanted to be around me because…because I was me. I met James right around Thanksgiving, and the first thing I noticed about him was his eyes. He had expressive green eyes that looked right at you, and I just bet they could look right into your soul. James knew how to read people, and he knew how to help…and he knew how to love. I will always be grateful to him for being there for Luke, when he needed him. And for being there for me too. He was a great friend, and an even better brother…and I'm going to miss him."

"I don't have words to describe how much I loved him," Maddie said as she faced the congregation. "James was…he was everything to me. From the moment we met…on a blind date, I jus tknew that we would click. Noah is right about his eyes, they were a beautiful shade of green and very expressive. He used to tell me that he would look in my eyes and see the future…and I let him go."

Tears spilled from her eyes and she took a moment to compose herself. She was looking straight at Luke, and he mouthed the words be strong to her. She smiled despite her tears. She was going to celebrate James today. He would want her to do that.

"I'll never forget you James," she said touching the casket. "You opened up my heart and helped me to love again. You gave me such strength and you treated me with the utmost respect always. I loved the way my name sounded on your lips and the way you ran your fingers through my hair. I…I miss you so much, and I'm sorry I never got to tell you how I felt…I love you James Robert McPherson. I love you."

Luke gave her a hug when she stepped back to the pew. He held on to her for a very long time it seemed, allowing her to cry silently. His lips touched the top her head and then he was slipping away. She sat down and James' father put his arm around her and whispered in her ear that he loved her like a daughter. That made her cry harder, and she rested against James' dad as they listened to what Luke had to say.

"I remember the first day I met him," Luke reflected, his eyes taking in all the people in the room. "It was September, the first day of Psychology class and we got into a debate about humanity. We agreed a lot; that was probably the first thing I realized. In a lot of ways, James and I were like kindred spirits. I used to talk about him all the time…to Noah and he became my favorite school friend." Luke smiled, "I know that sounds so elementary schoolish but at first that was all we were. We talked in class and after class but it never extended outside Oakdale University…until November, when the James Maddie had told me about turned out to be the same guy I went to class with every week. I guess I could kinda take credit for getting them together." He cracked lightly. Noah smiled and Maddie's mouth turned up just a little.

"James was the smartest guy I knew…next to my dad anyway. Our friendship really started to grow in December. It was Christmas night, and I was probably at my lowest point to date. James and Maddie both came to be by my side…and he never left it. From that day forward I could always count on James to be there when I needed him. He helped me so much in the past few months especially, and I truly don't know what I would have done without his constant love and support. I can't even pinpoint the moment when he became more than just a friend. I can't tell you exactly the second that I knew I loved him like a brother, but the bond between us is strong and his death won't diminish it. Thank you James, for being so good to Maddie, and for watching over Noah when I couldn't. And thank you especially for being my brother and my trusted friend. I…I owe my life to your son, Dr. McPherson, and I just want you to know I loved him."

"He loved you too, Luke," James' dad said as he pulled Luke into a bear hug. Luke held on tightly for a moment before sitting down beside Noah and Maddie. Dr. McPherson made his way to the pulpit and once again Maddie was struck with how much older he looked in this moment.

"He was a sick kid," Dr. McPherson started, his face straight as he looked at all the people who loved his son. It amazed him really, for he knew how often his son would shut himself off. He wasn't surprised to find that somehow James had touched a lot of hearts. "I can still to this day remember every single time I had to sit in a waiting room while he was examined for everything…from a slight cough to a bruise that had appeared on his chest instantly and for no reason. "He was always sick, but I loved him just the same. And I don't think I can truly articulate just what it meant to me to have that boy in my life."

Maddie frowned, and wished there was something she could do to take away the pain she saw in Dr. McPherson's eyes. James truly had been h is whole world.

"It was just me and him," The good doctor continued, "after his mom left he was closed off and despondent…always waiting for her to come back, but she didn't…she never did. And James never got over that, and he never let anyone in until he met these fine people," he gestured at everyone in the first pew and a smile crossed his lips. "Madeline, my son loved you fiercely. You had his heart, my dear….always remember that he loved you, and so do I. Noah, he was worried about you when you were in the hospital…he fretted just as Luke fretted but he wouldn't let him see that. He knew how important it was for Luke to see his strength and that was what he showed. James was always being strong for other people. He had a big heart, and despite old wounds he was slowly starting to allow people into it."

His eyes locked with Luke's and Maddie could have sworn that the two men were communicating silently. Luke bit his lip and looked down, tears filling his eyes once again, and Dr. McPherson went on speaking.

"He considered you and Noah his brothers, Luke. I will never forget the day he came into my office, afraid of…of losing you both because of your surgeries. You talk about how my son helped you…I must thank you for helping my son, and showing him," His voice cracked but he took a deep breath and forced himself to continue. "You showed him how to love and to trust again. And for that you have my eternal gratitude." He turned to the casket and placed his hand on top of it, Maddie swallowed her tears as she watched. "I love you James, you were such a fine young man, and I was proud…very proud to have you as my son."

The rest of the funeral was a blur. The minister spoke a few words of condolences, and Maddie felt like she knew Psalm 23:4 by heart now. Noah stood again, and she watched him go to the pulpit, and for a few minutes she was drawn in to the deep baritone of his voice as he sung "Go Rest High On that Mountain."

Her heart cried for Dr. McPherson as he walked with Holden, Luke and Noah to perform their duty as Pall bearers. The church emptied of people, but Maddie couldn't move. She was numb, all emotion had been drained and she felt like just a shell of her former self. She didn't have anything else to live for, her love was dead.

She didn't know how long she'd been sitting there before someone joined her. She could sense the presence but she didn't move, didn't turn to see who it was. She just sat…silently, waiting.

"Maddie," she heard her name being called. It was Luke who had come, back from burying his brother in the ground. He was a good friend to her…always had been and she would lean on him heavily now. "Maddie," he said again, his hand touching her shoulder as he tried to press something into her hands. "Come on Maddie snap out of it and drink this."

She looked down and realized she was holding a cup of coffee. She frowned, why would Luke be giving her coffee at a church? She looked at him, there was genuine concern in those brown eyes and it made her blink. "What's going on," she said as she looked around, realizing that she wasn't where she thought she had been. "Why…why are we in the hospital, did something happen to Noah?"

Luke frowned," Maddie are you okay? You zoned out for a minute there. I know you're worried about James, so am I. I hope he'll be okay."

"James?" Maddie repeated, looking at Luke with hope in her eyes. "James is alive?"

"He's been in surgery for the past hour," Luke replied. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Oh my god," Maddie said putting her coffee down on the chair beside her. "It was all a dream. IT was a dream, he's alive. You said he's alive, right Luke?"

"Yeah, luckily. It was so scary when he fell…and Noah caught the guy who stabbed him. Noah's at the police station right now giving a statement."

Maddie hugged Luke tightly and burst into tears. "OH Luke it was awful."

"What was awful?"

"The dream I just had. James was gone and I just felt so empty inside…and lost. My god Luke I just dreamed that we had to bury him," she pulled away to look at her best friend, wiping the tears from her eyes.

"You were afraid that you missed your chance to tell him how you feel," Luke said his voice soft as he wiped away her tears. 'Your fear conjured up that awful dream, but it was just that, Mads. You are here in the hospital…and we've been here for a while now, and James is in surgery. I'm so worried about him." Luke shook his head and placed his hands on his lap. His leg moved involuntarily as he looked around hoping at any minute to see Noah or a doctor or someone.

"Are…are you okay?" Maddie asked, realizing that her best friend was just as shook up here as she was.

"I think I'm cursed," Luke said without turning to look at her.

"Luke that's crazy?" he looked at her and she gasped at the raw emotion she saw in his gaze. "Why do you think that?"

"Everyone I love gets hurt."

"I haven't," she replied softly.

"Not yet."

"Luke," she said touching his cheek to, forcing him to glance at her. "Now who's letting their fear get the best of them? You're as afraid of losing James as I am…but you know he loves you more than anything right? You're his brother…and you're very important to him."

"Luke," Noah called as he came toward them. Luke jumped up and practically threw himself in his husband's arms. "Sorry it took me so long to get here." Noah wrapped his arms around Luke, offering comfort as he looked at Maddie and gestured for her to join their hug. They pulled apart long enough to wrap one arm each around Maddie's frame, pulling her to them as they shared in the grief.

It seemed hours later before Luke spotted James' father walking down the hall. They all stood as the man approached, his eyes said and his face void of any other emotion. "Dr. McPherson…is he out of surgery yet?"

"He's in recovery, Luke. The surgery was successful. He's going to be fine."

Relief; it was a calming thing, gentle in its application, providing warmth and a soothing layer of peace. James was going to be okay…he was alive…he was in recovery. Maddie played those words in her head over and over again as she listened to James' dad talk about the surgery. She didn't want to think about what would have happened if she truly had lost him. She didn't want to think about the what ifs at all. She just wanted to focus on the now…the immediate present and she knew that she was blessed with a second chance. They all were.

James could hear them as he walked into the waiting room. They sounded so sad, and it made him frown. They didn't seem him approach, nor did they look in his direction. They were just sitting there, holding hands as they spoke to each other softly.

"This is my fault," Luke was saying. "If anything happens to him…"

He trailed off and Noah's arm draped his shoulder. "It's not your fault Luke…you know James wouldn't want you to blame yourself. I know you feel bad about what happened."

"I just don't want him to die, Noah. I don't think I could take it."

"Me neither," Maddie whispered her agreement. She looked heartbroken as she sat there by Luke's side. Noah reached out his free hand and took a hold of her and they formed a circle and bowed their heads together.

"I don't usually pray," Noah's voice intoned. "But now I think it's as good a tiem as any to start. Please God, don't take James away from us. We need him…so much."

James backed away from the trio, not able to take anymore of the sadness conveyed in their faces. His heart was breaking for them. Even more than that, he was shocked, amazed that somehow he had touched them that much. They loved him…Luke, Noah and Maddie…Maddie

"Maddie," he said, his voice groggy as he opened his eyes. A smile crossed his lips as he saw the tear streaked face of his girlfriend. He wished he could reach up and wipe those tears away, but moving his arm wasn't part of the equation at the moment. "Hi."

"Hello, sweetie. No, no don't move. Are you in any pain? What can I do?"

James shook his head as he tried once again to sit up in his bed. He grunted with the pain that shot through him and settled back down. "Luke?" he said trying to catch his breath. "Noah?"

"James please, rest." Maddie pleaded. "Luke and Noah are fine, they are in the waiting room and will be here as soon as they finish talking to the doctor. Noah caught the man who did this to you and he is now locked up. He won't hurt anyone again for a very long time."

'And Dad?"

"Your Dad is with Luke and Noah, talking to the doctor. He is fine, just really worried about you at the moment. We all are. I am just so glad to see those beautiful eyes that I just don't know what to do."

A lazy smile crossed his lips as he lifted his hand, extending it and waiting for her to take hold. "I…I love you. I'm sorry I worried you all so much. I just…I just couldn't let that guy hurt Luke. He just looked so scared. I knew I had to do something, Maddie. And then that knife entered my chest and I thought it was over. I didn't think I'd get the chance to tell you…I love you."

"Oh James," Maddie's eyes filled with tears. "I love you too. I, we, were all so scared. Luke was a total mess when he called me and all he could get out was hospital, James, now. That's it. Your brothers, they love you so much. Luke kept saying it was all his fault, but Noah and I kept telling him it wasn't his fault. I had this awful, awful dream that you left us and God James it still gives me chills. I love you so much."

He took a minute to process all that she was telling him. He caught something about a dream, Luke blaming himself, and the most important fact…that she loved him. He didn't know if he could completely convey just how much that meant to him at the moment. "You dreamed that I was gone?" he asked, his green eyes focused squarely on the brown ones he loved. "That sounds kinda scary."

"I have never been so scared in my life, even when Luke was sick, and when Noah was in a coma"

"I actually remember you being scared then," James mused. "That was back when we first started dating. You were very scared for Luke."

"That was scary," Maddie conceded, "but nothing like this. This was so much more real. Luke and Noah are my best friends, and it would tear me apart if something else happened to them, but this was different James," she reiterated. "This made me realize just how empty my life would be without you in it. I don't ever want to find that out. If you will let me, I intend to be right here by your side night and day."

"You mean that?" James asked. "I mean truly, really with your whole heart and soul, you mean that you will stand by me no matter what…good or bad? Even if the Cancer came back?"

"I meant every word," she said placing her free hand on his cheek. "Seeing what my life would be like without you made me realize just how much…I don't ever want you to think that I don't love you. Good or bad, cancer or perfectly healthy until we are old and gray, I am going to be here if you will let me." Her fingers caressed his cheek, as she continued to gaze into those expressive emerald eyes. "I am so in love with you, James, there are not enough words in the world to let you know that. Will you let me be stand by your side James? Will you let me love you?"

"Yes."

A simplistic word; it held a lot of meaning, as he pulled her to him, allowing their lips to touch for the first time in months. "

They were holding hands when Dr. McPherson entered the room. For a moment he stood in the doorway and watched his son with the young lady by his bedside. He had grown very fond of Maddie over the past year, and he had been disappointed when James told him they were separated. It seemed that separation was in the past now, and he was grateful for that.

"I must say that smile is a welcome sight," he said coming toward his son's bed. Maddie and James looked up and James' smile widened.

"Dad."

"Hello, Son. You know I swore I would never visit you in a hospital again." His eyes were twi9nkling as he spoke and James held out a hand for his father, beckoning him to come closer. Maddie moved away so that the older man could spend some time with his son.

"I'm sorry, Dad. I didn't mean to worry you."

"How are you feeling," Dr. McPherson asked, going into complete dad mode. He checked his son's forehead, to make sure his temperature was normal, and insisted on checking his eyes and his glands as well.

"Dad, I'm fine, really. Just a little sore," James assured him. And believe me; I'm tired of hospitals too. I've spent entirely too much time here and I think it's time for a break. Are you sure you don't want to move your practice to the house?"

George McPherson laughed heartily and mussed his son's hair. "It's not so bad, Son. Just very scary when someone you love is the patient."

"I know. I have good news though."

"Does it have something to do with the pretty lady here?"

"Yes," James said as he watched Maddie's cheeks turn crimson. "Maddie and I are back on track, and I'm not planning on letting her go."

"That is very good news indeed." Dr. McPherson said proudly. "I'm very glad you are alright son. I love you, and if you ever scare me like that again, I will kill you myself."

"Dad," James laughed. "The same goes for you okay? I only have one dad, and I love him very much."

"And I only have one son and he means the world to me." He squeezed James shoulder and then surrendered to a hug. "There are two other men who are anxious to see you," He said pulling away. "I best give them there chance, before they harm each other or me. Maddie," he said kissing her cheek as he prepared to leave. "You take good care of him, I'm counting on your for that."

"I will.

"You are a sight for sore eyes."

"Hi, Noah," James said as the brunet entered the room. The smile turned into a frown when he didn't see Luke behind him. "Where is your better half?"

"Haha," Noah said with a heavy sigh. "He's afraid to come in actually."

"Why?"

"We were really worried about you, James. I caught the guy who hurt you though."

"Noah…you're stalling. Is Luke mad at me or something?"

"NO," Noah said quickly. "It's not that at all James. He's more worried about your reaction to him and well he thinks he's bad for you."

"Uh huh, I see," James said closing his eyes for a moment. "Go pull him in here for me, please."

"Okay, I'll be right back."

True to his word Noah was back moments later pulling Luke along with him. James smiled when he saw his brother and beckoned him to his bedside. "Sit here, Luke," he said patting the side of the bed. "Noah you too, I want both of you over here.

Luke came and took a seat and Noah sat as well, the two of them sandwiching James on the already narrow bed. Maddie thought it was an amusing sight and she pulled out her phone to capture it on camera.

"I know you're blaming yourself for this," James said his eyes focused on Luke. "And I want you to stop that…because it's not your fault. You did not ask to be held at knife point. And quite truthfully Luke I would do it again in a heartbeat. You are that important to me. Do you get that?"

"I just don't want you to die," Luke said lamely. "That just scared me so much. You fell right in my arms and you were bleeding and Noah was gone and I just didn't know what to do."

"Luke," James said his hands going to touch Luke's cheeks. "Breathe, okay. Just breathe. I know you were scared, heck I was scared too. And I will try my darndest not to freak you out like that again, but I'm okay. I'm here, and you aren't getting rid of me that easily." He allowed his hands to fall and looked at Noah and then on Maddie too. "None of you are. We're the four musketeers."

"All for one, and one for all," Noah said softly.

"Are you sure?" Luke asked, frowning still.

"I'm positive," James said turning once more to address his friend. "I know you must feel like this is the worst year with everything that has happened …but you know there have been a lot of good things too, Luke. Noah's awake, Randy's in jail."

"And we fell in love again," Noah added with a smile.

"So did we," Maddie said looking straight at James.

"And," James added, "we created our own little family, and I love you all so much.

"Group hug," Maddie said coming over to join them on the bed. "Are you okay," she said placing a hand on Luke's shoulder.

"Yeah," Luke smiled and locked eyes with Noah. "I'm just fine." And for the first time in longer than he could remember, he meant it.

"Noah said they're just driving up," Maddie announced as she hung up her phone. She grinned at Ali who was straightening the napkins on the table in the dining room. "Is everyone ready?"

Alison looked around at all the assembled guests. She found it amazing that they had fit so many people into Luke and Noah's apartment. "Yep looks like everyone's here. Someone drop the lights."

Maddie made sure the entire apartment was dark and hid near Alison and Aaron as they waited for Noah to arrive with Luke and James. She was just glad that they were able to do this. After last week, she was always by James' side, with the exception of today. She had asked for a few days off of work so she could nurse him back to health, and today Noah had insisted on hanging out with both James and Luke, while Maddie brought the guests together for a belated surprise birthday celebration.

"They're coming," she whispered to the crowd behind her. She could hear the door, and the sound of laughter as they entered the house.

"Didn't you say Maddie was supposed to be here?" James asked as he looked around the darkened living room."

Noah frowned. "See if maybe she went into the kitchen," he said as he picked up his phone as if he were going to call her. "She certainly didn't tell me she was going to leave, hmmm."

Luke watched his husband for a moment before following James. Noah slid his phone back in his pocket and walked close behind him.

"Surprise," everyone chorused when James flipped the switch. A smile touched his lips as he scanned the room full of people. Luke was beside him shaking his head in amazement before turning to face Noah who was grinning widely.

"You did this didn't you?"

"Maybe," Noah said sheepishly. "But not without a little help." Ever so gently he pushed Luke and James further into the room and they were surrounded by their guests offering belated birthday wishes and good cheer. Everyone was glad that James was out of the hospital and on his way to a full recovery. Luke was also doing a lot better and it was definitely time to celebrate something.

"You are amazing," James said as he pulled Maddie into his arms.

"Am I?" she asked wrapping her arms around his neck. "I don't think I had much to do with this. that was your brother."

James kissed her nose and held her close for a moment. "And to think that Luke and I were looking forward to a quiet evening with our mates?" he teased.

"Well that can still be arranged," Maddie giggled. "But for now, come on let's dance and enjoy ourselves."

It was a fun evening and it turned out to be just what the doctor ordered. Everyone talked, danced, and laughed. Drinks were passed around, but not over done and Noah was asked by several for the Lasagna recipe.

"If I gave it to you, I think Luke's grandma would kill me," he laughed as he slipped an arm around his husband.

"Oh you can give it to them, Noah just don't reveal the secret ingredient," Luke winked and kissed him on the cheek. He was having a good time and it was nice to let loose for a bit. For the first time in a long time he had nothing to worry about. He was safe, and surrounded by people who loved him very much. His friends were all happy and healthy, and his dad seemed to be happy too. Aaron and Alison, Will and Gwen, Maddie and James they were all in good places…it was perfect.

"Come on, Luke it's time to blow out the candles," Noah said pulling him over to where the cake was set up. James was there with Maddie by his side and Luke looked at him smiling. He couldn't think of a better person to share a birthday with. "Ready," he said once everyone finished their rendition of Happy birthday. James nodded and on the count of three they blew out the candles together.

"Did you make a wish" Luke asked as the crowd clapped and Noah and Maddie scrambled to get plates and a knife.

"I did. Did you?" James asked.

"Yes. I hope yours comes true, James."

"I think it will…and so will yours."

"Who wants cake?" Noah asked as he handed his husband a knife.

"And ice cream," Maddie added as she handed a knife to James.

James and Luke shared a smile before cutting into the huge cake and served it up on a plate. For a moment it was as if they were on the same wavelength. They took their forks and fed their slices of cake to their significant others.

The guests started to clear out soon after cake and presents. Luke stood at the door saying good bye to his brother and Ali, who were the last guests to leave. "Thank you so much for the party," he said giving his brother a hug.

"It's just good to see you having a good time, Little Brother," Aaron replied. "You take care of yourself okay? And take it easy."

"I agree with your brother, Luke," Alison said moving in for her hug. "I love seeing you, but I would prefer if it wasn't because I had to check your vitals."

"Okay, I'll try," Luke said kissing her on the cheek. "Good night."

"That was a lot of fun," Noah said as Luke joined him on the couch.

"You are so sneaky," Luke said swatting at him. "When did you have time to do all of this?"

James laughed. "Something tells me that he had an accomplice on that, Luke."

"Moi," Maddie said feigning innocence. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Someone's asking for punishment," Luke laughed a glint in his brown eyes.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" James asked wickedly.

"Oh no you don't," Maddie said as the two boys pounced on her and started to tickle her. "Noah," she squealed. "Help me."

Noah watched the fun for a moment before shrugging his shoulders and joining in. He let Maddie believe that he was going to help her before attacking her legs instead. "Oh my god," she squealed with laughter. Her cheeks were rosy as she wriggled and tried to get away from her boys. "Stop," she said after a few minutes. "I give, I give!"

They ceased the tickling and Noah and Luke leaned in to kiss her on the cheek before relinquishing her to James who planted his own kiss on her lips. "We should make ourselves scarce," he said when they pulled apart. I'm sure Luke and Noah want to be alone."

"We can go," Maddie said shyly as she stood to straighten out her clothes. She gave Noah a hug and then Luke, holding on tightly to her best friend. "You take care of yourself okay?"

"Good night, Maddie. You worry about James…make sure he takes care of himself."

"I will."

James said good night to his brothers, taking a long moment to hug Luke especially. "I'll call you tomorrow," he said as Maddie came up with cake in her hand. James wrapped his arm around her and they left with the promise of getting together again very soon.

"Alone at last," James said as he pulled Maddie into her apartment. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into a long lingering kiss."

Maddie sighed happily when they pulled apart. "Would you like something to drink," she asked as she pulled him to the couch.

"Yes, actually could you bring me a glass of water please?"

"Coming right up," Maddie said giving him another kiss before she disappeared into the kitchen.

James smiled and reached into his pocket, pulling out a small velvet box. He had been thinking about this ever since he got out the hospital and he knew it was the right time. He didn't want another moment to go pass by without Maddie in his life. Ever so carefully he lowered himself to the floor, balancing himself on one knee.

"James, I hope you don't mind, I got you some milk instead, it will help." She stopped short as she noticed him on the floor. "Oh my god baby what are you doing down there, you're going to hurt yourself."

"Maddie," James said looking up at her. "Come here."

She placed the milk down on the table and came closer, taking the hand he was holding outstretched to her.

"I've missed you." He started as he kissed her hand.

"I missed you too James, but…:"

"Let me talk," he said his voice soft as he looked into her chocolate eyes. "I have missed you so much over the past two months…and last week I was really scared that I would never see you again…and it made me realize something Maddie. It made me realize that I love you, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

"James…"

"I know now," He said still holding the box in his hand, "That you love me more than anything else, and you aren't like my mother. I don't want to let her be the reason I lose you, Maddie. I…I love you and I want to spend the rest of our lives showing you how much. Will you marry me, Madeline Coleman? Will you allow me to be your husband?"

Luke was comfortable as always in Noah's embrace. They were laying in bed, both of them reflecting on the events of the day. Luke had his head on Noah's heart, listening to the steady beating, and marveling at how much he loved this man. Noah didn't have all his memories back, but it didn't matter anymore. Luke wasn't worried about it…he just loved Noah…it was that simple.

"Marry me."

Noah's voice drew Luke's attention and he looked up to see if he had heard correctly. His gaze immediately met the smoldering look in his husband's eyes and his heart melted a little. "What did you just say?" he asked softly.

"I want you to marry me, Luke…again."

"Are you serious," Luke said tracing circles on Noah's chest.

"Noah took Luke's hands into his and shifted so that they were lying on their sides facing each other. "These past few months have been incredible, Luke. "Getting to know you has made things a lot easier for me…and I've fallen deeply in love with you. I want to marry you, here in front of everyone we know. I want them all to know that you are my husband, and that we are together."

"You're sure about that," Luke asked reaching out to caress Noah's cheek.

"I don't need to have all my memories back to know how important you are to me, Luke. What I know is enough…I…I just want to be your husband…I want to love you," He said pulling Luke into his arms again. Luke snuggled closer, "For the rest of our lives."


	39. Chapter 39

It was so silent, so much so that a pin could be heard dropping to the floor. James was still on bended knee, looking up at her, waiting for her answer. She was smiling…he took that to be a good sign, and there were tears in her eyes that he wanted to wipe away. He knew he was taking a big step here. He was pinning all his hopes and dreams on her. He was opening his heart, and giving it to her freely, and he was scared. Not because he thought he was making a mistake, but because that fear would never completely go away. He could banish it to the deepest part of his brain, never to surface again, but for years now he had been dealing with the ramifications of his mother's abandonment. He didn't think that scar would ever heal completely. HE was determined though that it wouldn't become a festered sore. He had found love…and he was ready to embrace it.

"I love you Maddie. I love you baggage and all," he smiled as she laughed through her tears. "I love how neurotic you can be, and how loyal you are. I love that your friends and your family come first, and I adore the fact that you blush whenever I call you Madelina. And that smile…I want to make you smile like that always. I want to be your prince."

"You already are," Maddie placed a hand on his cheek and then knelt down beside him, taking his hands into hers. "Yes, James…I will marry you."

Luke firmly believed that not even the deepest of oceans could compare to the depth of Noah's eyes. That intense blue gaze shifted hues even as he continued to lose himself in it. Noah was staring at him, waiting for him to answer the question he had put forth. Luke was sure Noah didn't doubt his answer; there was no other answer to be given. He just couldn't believe he was here…in this moment. Finally it seemed he was getting what he always wanted, someone to love him unconditionally and completely.

He couldn't believe how lucky he was to have found someone like Noah. He knew his husband didn't know it, but it was almost a year ago that they met for the first time, and if anyone had told Luke then that he would be lying in bed with the "idiot who turns off his phone" he probably would laughed in their faces. A smile crossed his lips as he allowed himself to think about that for a moment. So much had happened since that day, and he was so in love with him…Noah had managed to capture his heart not once, but twice without even trying to do so.

"Are you okay?" Noah's hand caressed his cheek and Luke felt a familiar shudder go up his spine. He missed that, Noah's gentle touch and he nuzzled into his hand, closing his eyes momentarily.

"I'm fine," he replied, a smile in his voice. "I was just thinking about how much has changed since last year."

"It's almost been a year since we met, hasn't it?"

"Yeah, it will be a year in June. "I love you, you know that?"

"I love you too Luke."

"And I want to marry you…as many times as you'll have me."

Noah was still sleeping when he woke the next morning, and he didn't have the heart to wake him up, just yet. Instead he watched the rise and fall of his chest and marveled at the fact that this was the first time, in a long time that he was waking up with Noah…and they had nothing to worry about. There was nothing planned and nothing going on. It was an incredible feeling, and he hoped there could be more days like that.

He sighed contentedly even as he pulled out of his husband's arms. Noah shifted on the bed, but he didn't' open his eyes. Luke bent down to kiss his lips softly before heading out of the bedroom. He was just about to head into the kitchen when the phone rang. Quickly he went to grab it before it could ring again and wake up Noah.

"Hello?"

"Oh good you are awake?" an excited Maddie exclaimed. "I had some news I wanted to share with you and I didn't' want to wait. I'm glad I didn't wake you up. Good morning by the way."

"Well you didn't wake me but you almost woke Noah," Luke laughed. "It is nice to hear you in such a good mood though. Care to tell me what's up that you just had to call? I figured you and James wouldn't be getting out of bed, until at least noon."

"Well, we would have…if I wasn't specifically waiting for our honeymoon."

"Honeymoon?" Luke said a smile crossing his lips. "James proposed?"

"Mmmmhmmm?"

"OH My god," Luke said happily. Congratulations. I guess we both have something to celebrate today."

"Yeah? What's your good news," Maddie said as she walked around her kitchen looking in and out of the cabinets.

""Noah proposed," Luke said a smile in his voice. "He wants to renew our vows."

"Awwwww," Maddie said trying to contain her excitement. "That's so sweet. How did he propose?"

Luke laughed at her. "You know if you say that loud enough you are going to wake up James."

"To Late," Maddie said as she felt James arms wrap around her frame. "He is right at this second kissing my neck." Luke moved the phone away from his ear when he hears Maddie squeal of laughter.

"Can I talk to James?"

"Here you meanie," Maddie said handing the phone to James.

"Hello?"

"I hear congratulations are in order?" Luke said as he moved around the kitchen. He wanted to make Noah breakfast in bed.

"Yeah," James said as he wrapped his arm around Maddie to keep her still. "I can't wait to make Maddie my bride."

"She said you guys are going to be celibate."

"Well, it's been two months already, I think we can wait another week."

"A week," Luke said placing the eggs on the counter and switching his phone to the other ear? "You guys are getting married in a Week, that's not enough time to plan a wedding?"

"Sure it is," James chuckled. "We don't need anything fancy, and neither of us have a lot of family so…it's going to be a small ceremony with just her brother, my dad and your family really."

"Hmmm," Luke said as he started to fry eggs. "That sounds like a good idea to me."

"And I think we have a problem."

"Oh?"

"Yes," James said his fingers playing in Maddie's hair. "See Maddie wants you to give her away, and I want you to be my best man."

"You mean that?" Luke asked. He was touched by the words and his smile widened a little more.

"OF course I do, you and Noah are both so important to me…and I want you both to stand up for me, with my dad."

"I suppose we could figure something out," Luke said, "but it will be hard, since Noah and I will be getting married too."

"He asked you to marry him? Wow that's great Luke."

"He was really sweet, he just asked while we were laying there and I think it's the happiest I have been in a long time."

"Well I'm definitely glad to hear that," James smiled as he leaned against the counter. "Are you thinki8ng double ceremony?"

"Yeah, that's kinda what I was thinking," Luke agreed. "You see, June 1st is exactly a year since Noah and I met, so I figured that would be the perfect day to re-pledge our hearts to each other. And If Maddie agrees, and Noah of course, I'd love to share that day with you. What a way to bond the four of us together even further. And it's not impossible to get everything done, I mean between Henry and my grandma Emma and then add in Grandma Lucinda too I think we could pull it off."

"Okay, well you talk it over with Noah, but it's definitely okay with me if you guys share our day. And Maddie's nodding over there so she's in too. It looks like we have to do a lot of planning in the next few days."

"Well I have a lot of things I need to take care of if that's the case," Luke said placing breakfast items on a tray. "There's so much to think about…but right now I am going to go feed my husband. So I'll talk to you later today, okay?"

"Say hi to Noah for me," James said before hanging up the phone. He turned his attention to Maddie and pulled her back in his arms.

"I can't wait to be your bride," she said wrapping her arms around his neck.

"And your initials will be M.M", James said kissing her nose, which made her giggle. "But before we get too excited, we still have people to tell. You have to call your brother and I still to talk to Dad."

"Maddie smiled and kissed him once more before taking the phone to call her brother. While she chattered away, James started working on their breakfast. He pulled out his cell phone and dialed as he pulled the eggs out of the fridge. "Good Morning Dad, I have some news for you."

Luke rested the tray of food on the night table and settled on the bed beside his sleeping husband. Ever so gently he allowed his fingers to run through the dark hair that barely covered his forehead. Noah had been letting his hair grow out a little bit, and Luke liked it that way. He loved being able to sink his fingers into the soft brown tresses. He smiled as his fingers easily glided through the silky strands and he kneeled down to kiss him softly and was pleasantly surprised when he felt pressure against his mouth.

"MMM," Noah moaned, a smile crossing his lips. "Good morning."

"It is now that you're awake," Luke whispered, softly.

Noah moved and sat up in bed, wrapping his arms around Luke and pulling him in for another kiss. "I love waking up this way," He murmured against his mouth.

Luke smiled, kissed him once more and pulled away, to reach for the tray. "I love it too," he said placing the tray on Noah's lap. "I also like the idea of feeding you in bed."

Noah grinned. "Do I get to feed you too?"

"IF you must," Luke said settling in beside him. He picked up the knife and the fork and cut the food, before feeding Noah a piece of syrupy blueberry pancake."

Noah took the fork from him and did the same. Luke laughed. "I should have just brought two forks."

"I don't mind sharing with you," Noah said shyly. "Actually I kinda like it. Like when we share root beer floats. One glass saves on dishes."

Luke was silent for a moment as she looked at his husband who was getting ready to feed him another bite. "What's wrong?" he said as he brought the fork to Luke's mouth again.

"You remembered the floats," Luke explained softly. "And do you remember when we said that…about the dishes." He took the bite of food Noah was holding and chewed while he waited for his husband to answer him.

"We were at dinner with your parents," Noah replied. "Natalie kept yelling at you for drinking out of my glass, and you explained to her why it was okay."

"Natalie was very protective of your glass," Luke chuckled.

"I know, but I remember the quiet moments with you in the kitchen after that best. Did I tell you that I love spending time with you, Luke? And that I enjoy the new memories I get to have with you?"

Breakfast was forgotten as Luke moved in to kiss him again, sweet and soft, gentle and loving…deep and intense. "How about you save those words for our wedding vows, next Sunday?"

"I think June 1st is the perfect wedding day," Noah replied.

"It will be a double wedding."

"What?" Noah asked. How?"

"James and Maddie are getting married."

"Yeah?" Noah said sounding as excited as Luke felt. "That's great news. I'm so happy for her…for both of them. Did you already talk to them today?"

Luke laughed at the expression on Noah's face as he realized how silly a question that was. "Yes, baby, I talked to both of them and I just knew you'd be happy for them too. Our best friend decided she wanted to call first thing this morning. And then I talked to our brother who is on cloud nine right now."

"I'm glad Maddie's happy. That's all I wanted for her, I still feel bad for how everything went down with her."

"You remember that," Luke said nodding. "I'm sorry I wasn't here to talk to you about all that."

"Well that was hardly your fault Luke. And its okay, James talked to me about it…and then Maddie and I spoke as well. James helped me to see that neither you nor Maddie blamed me for anything…and I was forgiven."

Luke's hand touched his cheek, caressing it softly before leaning in for a kiss.

Noah's cell phone rang just then, interrupting the moment. Noah frowned as they pulled apart and he reached for his phone which he always kept by his beside. "Hello? OH yes, this is Mr. Mayer. Oh Dr. Baldwin has been trying to get in contact with us? I do apologize, it has been a long couple of months for us and…We'll stop in today…yes…that's fine. Thank you."

"What's going on?" Luke questioned.

"We have to get dressed," Noah said slipping out of bed. He pulled Luke up and silenced him with a quick kiss. "That was Dr. Baldwin's receptionist on the phone. She's been trying to get in touch with us for weeks now…our test results are in."

He had been scared. More times then he cared to remember, he had looked fear in the eyes and tried to face it head on. When Noah was in a coma he was frightened. When James was in surgery, he was very, very scared. When he faced his own surgery he was worried beyond imagining, but nothing terrified him more at the moment then the piece of paper he held in his hands.

Noah was sitting beside him, a hand on his shoulder, squeezing gently; wanting to calm him even just a little. He took a deep breath, exhaling slowly as he unfolded the piece of paper. Noah had already looked at his…and thankfully he was clean. Luke didn't even want to think about the other result…and he couldn't think about the fact that Noah being okay didn't automatically clear him.

Another deep breath as his eyes scanned the page, tears filling his eyes as the words sunk in. HE read it several times, each time allowing his eyes to review the results. He was shaking and he tried hard to swallow. He felt Noah wrap his arms around him and he turned into the embrace, his arms going around Noah's neck, his head buried in the crook between neck and shoulders, the tears coming unbidden.

He had never been so happy to see a negative result in his entire life.

"Are you okay?" Noah asked for the fifth time since they entered Al's diner. Luke was seated across from him playing with the straw, swirling it around his chocolate shake. Noah reached out to touch his arm, causing Luke to stare at him a moment before sighing and pulling his arm away.

"I'm fine, Noah. Really…don't worry. I'm okay."

Noah didn't' seem too convinced and he pulled out his cell phone. "I'm going to call James."

"No, Noah don't, please. I just want to be here with you right now, please."

"Okay, I just don't like seeing you look so down. You haven't said much since we left the clinic and I'm sorry if I worry too much."

"Actually, I love that you worry," Luke smiled lovingly at his husband. "I love you for it. I'm…I'm just in a daze I guess. I mean that was a big weight lifted off of my shoulders and it's just thrown me into this whirlwind of emotion and I don't really know what to do with it."

"I think I know what that's like."

"It's like I don't know whether I want to jump up and down for joy, or laugh, or cry. Should I dance and sing or just be very grateful that the results were what I wanted them to be. It's like things could have gone so very wrong in just that short span of time and I guess I'm a little taken aback that we were given a reprieve."

"Taking the good with the bad has become somewhat of a habit," Noah said thoughtfully. "I hope our reprieve is a long one."

"Me too, Noah. And," Luke said taking a sip of his shake before playing with the straw again, "we have a wedding to plan."

"Well Your grandma Lucinda is taking care of most of the details. Your Grandma Emma is taking care of the food, and Maddie said she was going to ask Henry to officiate right?"

"Yes, on all counts," Luke replied happily. "James wants us to stand up for him, which we can definitely do, and I have to talk to Dad and Aaron."

"I have no doubt what their answer will be," Noah mused as his eyes became cloudy and skeptical.

"What's wrong?" Luke asked.

"Well I think we know pretty much what the guest list will look like…but there's one person we didn't account for."

"My mother," Luke sighed heavily.

"I know you are still mad at her, and you have every right to be. I'm still cross with her myself, but this is our wedding," Noah said reaching across the table to take Luke's hands into his. "I'm sure she's cross that we eloped right?"

"Probably," Luke said biting his lip. November 10th and the trip to Las Vegas seemed so far away now. IT was hard to believe that in reality they had just past their six month anniversary.

"Well," Noah said pulling Luke back into the present, "She can't bitch this time because we're inviting her. There's her reprieve…what you do after that, she'll just have to accept and you know no matter what I am on your side."

"I'll invite her…but I don't think I really want to talk to her right now. There is just so much to think about, Noah."

"Well for this week, I want you not to think about it. You will focus on one thing and that's the vows we are going to exchange on Sunday."

"I'll try, Noah. I promise."

It was a promise he was finding easy to keep for the most part. His main focus was Noah, and when he wasn't thinking about him, he thought about James and Maddie. On Monday Luke listened as Maddie chattered about the dress she was getting for the wedding, all thanks to a joint effort from His grandmother and Vienna. Luke would never begrudge his best friend this time for gushing. That day no one got any work done. She was either talking to him about some detail she had remembered, or she was giggling on the phone with Alison.

He didn't mind the distraction though; it allowed him not to focus on other things. He had promised Noah that he would not focus on anything but the wedding…but after that, when they returned from their honeymoon he had some hard decisions to make…and one of them involved the station. He supposed the decision was actually two fold, and if he thought about it, and analyzed it he'd realize that he already made the choice a long time ago…but he wasn't going to go there.

"Do you think I am being selfish?"

Maddie looked up from the script she was looking over and stared at her best friend, a frown settling on her lips. "You"" she said incredulously. "Why in the world would you think something like that, Luke? You are probably the most selfless person I know."

"No…that would be James," Luke said sighing. "But seriously, am I wrong to want to be happy? Is it a crime to push all my troubles to the side for just one day? I know they won't completely be gone until I deal with them…and I am aware that if I keep putting issues on hold they will only grow into bigger mountains…but should I feel bad about wanting to live my life for a change, without a care to what is going on with anyone else?"

"You shouldn't feel bad at all about living your life, Luke," Maddie said her tone soft and thoughtful. "Are you talking about something specific here? Or do you just mean life in general?"

"I need to make some changes, Maddie. I promised Noah I wouldn't think about it…not until after we come back, but I can't help but wonder if the choices I want to make are selfish ones and that I should think about them more."

"What does your heart tell you to do, Luke?"

"Right now," he said his gaze focused squarely on her, "it's in perpetual war with my head. My head is full of all the things going on in my life. The problems with Mom, the divorce, grandma…you…and Noah's dreams."

"His dreams," Maddie asked frowning.

"Noah's dreams are wrapped up in this building, and I feel like my heart wants to take him away from all of that. Because, my heart is telling me that I should take Noah and just be us, for as long as we possibly can. "

"So what you're saying is that your choice is to stay here around everything that is stressing you out or spend a long overdue vacation with your husband? I'd say that's a no-brainer." She smiled and stood to pull her best friend into a hug. "Follow your heart Luke, it won't lead you astray…and I think that vacation is long overdue."


	40. Chapter 40

He was alone in bed when he opened his eyes. He frowned for a moment, looking around, until he heard the sound of the shower coming from the bathroom. He smiled and rested his head back against the pillow, marveling at how nice it was to do this. He couldn't remember ever being as content as he was at the moment. The past week had been nothing short of fantastic. Every day was just beautiful, picture perfect and just nice.

These were the kind of days he lived for, and he felt like he was being spoiled. He got to wake up beside Noah in the morning, and their days were ordinary. Nothing special happened, but that was okay. They had dinner at the farm on Tuesday. They had insisted that they would cook, and even though she protested heavily at first, Grandma Emma was happy for the rest and she thought her grandsons did a terrific job with dinner. Wednesday was all about Wedding plans. They went along with James to get fitted for tuxedos. Maddie insisted that Luke had to help her with her dress, but he had to promise up and down that he wouldn't breathe a word about it to James. He was flattered that she wanted his opinion, and Vienna had been there too, along with Alison. While Vienna explained to Maddie why cream was so much better than white, Alison and Luke talked about life and how happy they both were at the moment.

Thursday was a guy's night. James, Aaron, Holden, Henry, Jack, Will and various others gathered at the apartment to celebrate. They talked and laughed and had a merry time just being together. Once again Luke and Noah prepared the menu, and they were told that they should throw more dinner parties. Luke exchanged a look with Noah, and he was sure his husband knew what he was thinking. It would be a long time before they threw a true dinner party in their home again.

Everyone found out their plans that night. Holden and Aaron were the most affected by it, but Luke was glad they understood. He really hoped he was making the right choice…and like Maddie said he had to follow his heart. His heart was telling him it was time…it was time.

Friday and Saturday flew by quickly. Saturday they rehearsed in the Snyders' backyard. Maddie stayed with Allie that night, while Luke and Noah decided they didn't want to be apart. After all they were already married…they were just going to reaffirm that. Saturday night they held each other close and whispered until they both fell asleep. And now…Now he was lying alone listening to his beloved husband take a shower in the next room. The perfect week behind them…and today they would begin their blissful future.

His eyes were closed when the shower stopped, and he felt his husband's approach even before he heard the gentle footfalls. Gentle lips caressed his, and he reached up his arms pulling his lover down so he could deepen the kiss.

"Good morning," he said when Noah released him from the embrace.

"Good morning Sleeping Beauty," Noah whispered back before kissing him once more.

"Why didn't you wake me up?" Luke asked pulling himself into the sitting position. Noah took a seat next to him, and immediately Luke found himself wrapped in a warm embrace full of love.

"I figured you needed your sleep," Noah explained. "You were tossing and turning a lot during the night."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be," Noah said pressing a finger against his lips. "No more apologies Luke…not today."

Luke smiled against Noah's finger before kissing it. "It's our wedding day," he said taking Noah's hand into his own.

"It's also the day we met if I remember that correctly," Noah smiled. Luke turned to face him, his eyes sparkling and Noah couldn't resist kissing him. "Yes I actually remember you throwing those scripts into my hand after I arrived for work. I don't recall all the details but I remember that…and I recall that I was late right?"

"I love you Noah."

"Who would have thought that day that we would be sitting here now so much in love?"

Luke chuckled. "You are definitely a dork, and a closet romantic. I love it."

Noah kissed his nose and shifted so he could let Luke up. "We need to get to the farm, so go ahead and take your shower. There's so much to do before we leave today…we're not going to be back for a while."

Luke grabbed a towel and touched Noah's cheek. "I cannot wait to be alone with you…completely alone."

Noah turned his head to kiss Luke's palm. "Same here."

Their suitcases sat by the door, ready to be loaded into Luke's car. Luke found Noah in the kitchen fixing breakfast. They would be eating on paper plates this morning, nothing fancy just eggs and toast to settle their stomachs. Luke poured them each a glass of milk while Noah cleaned and stored the spatula and the frying pan. They ate in silence, both of them lost in their own thoughts about what was to come. Luke was running through lists in his head. He wanted to make sure that nothing was left to chance. He wanted this day to be perfect for Noah, and if he had anything to say about it, it would be.

Noah wanted this day to be special for Luke. He was making mental notes as well. Making a checklist in his head; he had the rings, check. He knew what he was going to say for his vows, check. He had the speeches for the reception and plus he had Luke's gift tucked away in his suitcase. Everything was ready…nothing would be left to chance. When they left the apartment today, it would be locked up until their return. Once they left there was no turning back.

It took three trips to get all the suitcases to the car. Luke carried the trash out with him on the last trip, and Noah locked up and slipped the keys in his pocket. There were a lot of decisions to be made about this place, but they would all have to wait. Today was the beginning of the rest of their lives, and as they pulled away from their apartment Luke glanced at Noah and took a deep breath. He placed a hand on Noah's as his husband secured his seatbelt.

"Are you ready?"

"Yes, Luke…I'm as ready as I'll ever be."

Cars already filled the drive at the Farm when they arrived. To Noah it seemed that the farm was packed full of people. There had been a lot of chatter when they entered the kitchen, but it came to a halt when they joined the throng. Emma put down the spoon she'd been stirring with and came forward to give them both hugs.

"Everyone is upstairs," she explained as she helped bustle them through the crowd. "Maddie wanted you to find her when you got here, Luke. And James is in the room on the far left, Noah. Your tuxes are pressed and ready for you, and, Oh," she said pressing her hands against her chest. "I can't believe my two boys are getting married today. I'm so happy."

"Oh Gramma" Luke said kissing her cheek. "We love you too."

Emma placed a hand on either of their cheeks before ushering them up the stairs and out of her kitchen. There was still much to do before the afternoon's festivities, and she was not going to miss this wedding for anything.

He could hear the giggles before he reached the room. He knocked on the door and was struck silent by the sight that greeted him when the door was opened. He whistled as Maddie leaned forward to give him a hug. "You look gorgeous, Maddie," he said pulling away to look at her. "James is going to be blown away when he sees you."

Maddie pulled him into the room where Ali, Gwen and Vienna insisted on giving him hugs. The three of them were wearing matching green gowns, and Luke had to admit that they looked really good.

"Maddie wanted you to be here for the gift giving," Gwen explained as they hovered once again around Maddie. "Katie's here too, she's with Natalie and Faith.

"Awww you didn't have to include me in that," Luke said turning bashful.

"Of course we did," Maddie assured him. You are my best friend, and this is the most important day of my life, and I want to share that with you."

"I think we will let you guys talk," Ali said preparing to leave the room. "We'll be back. We're going to go see if anyone needs help."

Luke waited for them to leave before giving Maddie another hug. "You really look stunning," he said in awe. "And I think you're too nice to me. I don't deserve it."

"Oh hush," she swatted, as she smoothed the robe that covered her dress. "If it weren't for you, I don't think I'd be standing here right now about to marry the man of my dreams."

"As I recall all I did was steal your boyfriend." He said a twinkle in his eye. It was nice that they were at a place now where they could joke about that.

Maddie pulled a box from her picket and held it out to him as she spoke. "Actually, you talked Noah into telling the truth, and you talked James into going out with me. I think it turned out just right, and this," she said indicating the box symbolizes that. I want you to wear it today…as your something new."

Inside the box, lying on a wad of tissue paper was a silver Id Bracelet. Luke smiled, tears coming to his eyes as he picked it up and read the names, Luke and Noah. "Okay I promised myself I wasn't going to cry today, but I am really…touched. Thanks Maddie."

"What are best friends for," Maddie said hugging him again. She held him for a long moment before pulling back to look at him. "You deserve this Luke. After everything that has happened in the past year, you and Noah both deserve nothing but the best. And I hope you know that I'm always here for you."

"Well," Luke said as he fastened his bracelet around his wrist, "It's funny you should say that because I have something for you too. Consider it your something new…along with that gorgeous dress."

Maddie giggled and took the small box he offered her. She gasped when she saw what was inside. Luke watched with a smile in his eyes as she lifted the delicate gold chain from the box. He had been worried that he wouldn't' be able to get it in time, but he knew exactly what Maddie needed…a reminder that always their lives would be intertwined. The chain was made of links, and there was a solid gold heart in the center.

"Read the inscriptions," Luke said keeping his voice soft.

"M+J=Love," Maddie read the one side. She turned it over and the tears started raining down her cheeks without provocation.

"I am so not going to be blamed for your mascara running," Luke said grabbing a tissue for her.

She dabbed at her eyes and then wrapped her arms around him in yet another hug. "Oh, Luke, L+M+N=friends for Life. I can't believe you. Thank you so much, it's beautiful."

He took the chain from her and she held up her hair as he placed it around her neck. Together they looked in the mirror and he was reminded of another time they were all dressed up and ready to go out. "Is it just me or does this remind you of prom?" he asked smiling.

"Can you believe that was just last year?" Maddie exclaimed.

"And look how far we have come in that year," Luke agreed. "We're getting married; it seems so surreal, you know?"

"Luke you are coming back right?" Maddie asked, her expression turning serious for a moment. "I mean I know you need to take this break, and I know I encouraged you to follow your heart,"

He silenced her with a finger to her lips. "Today we don't speak of things to come. It's about the present, Maddie…this moment and I want to enjoy it… I know you want to as well. This tells you all you need to know," he said fingering the heart at her throat. "I think you can answer your own question." He kissed her cheek and gave her hand a squeeze. "I need to go get ready. Someone wants me to walk them down the aisle and give them away."

Maddie smiled and kissed him on the cheek before letting him go. Thanks again Luke for everything."

"And thank you, Maddie for being a friend when I needed it most."

"Are you ready?" Noah asked as he watched James fiddle with his hair in the mirror. The usually calm man was jittery and jumpy. Noah could understand, he felt nervous too, and the silence was driving him crazy."

"I think so," James said turning to face him. He leaned against the dresser and looked at his brother who had pulled on h is tuxedo pants and the shirt, but had made no move to finish dressing. "I don't know why I'm so nervous. With my line of work, you would think this was a piece of cake."

"You'll probably feel better after you talk to your dad," Noah said sighing sadly. "I know Luke usually feels better after he talks to his."

James came over and joined Noah on the bed. He rested a hand on his shoulder and waited until the blue eyes were facing him before he spoke. "I know this has to be hard, Noah; seeing Luke and I with our dads while yours is such a jerk. But you know that Luke and I are here for you right? And I know for a fact that Mr. Snyder loves you like a son. You rate up there with Luke, Aaron and Ethan with him, and that's going to be even more apparent today. "

"I know," Noah said smiling at his new found brother. "You and Luke are definitely the best things to ever happen to me…and Maddie too. It's going to be really strange thinking of her as a sister…but I'm really glad to have her as a friend."

James laughed. "Can you even imagine having to explain that someday, if we ever have kids?"

"Yeah, I can just see it now. "You see, your Uncle Noah dated Mommy first but then married your uncle Luke. I think the poor kid would be so confused…it confuses me."

"Yeah, but you have a special circumstance," James smiled. "How are you doing with your memories? Have you regained anymore?"

"Well, I know today is the day that I met not only Luke, but Maddie too. And I have a surprise for Luke later…but other than that I still feel like a whole chunk of stuff is missing."

"Well it's only been four months. And in that amount of time you have recovered a lot. The rest could take years or days," He shrugged. "It doesn't matter though right?"

Noah shook his head. "All that matters is that I'm completely and undeniably in love with Luke. Those memories if I get them back will fill in the blanks, but I don't think I would trade in the last four months for anything. Luke is amazing."

"He is definitely something special," James agreed as he stood and walked over to the dresser. "Which reminds me, this is for you."

Noah walked over to him and took the box he offered. "You didn't have to get me anything James."

"Well, I did have to get you something…but this isn't it. I was instructed to give this to you…it's from Luke."

"Luke?" Noah said as he looked down at the square box. "He got me a gift?"

"He wants you to wear it today," James explained.

"But how?"

"He gave it to me yesterday at the rehearsal," James explained. "Open it."

Inside the box was a silver watch with a Roman numeral face. Instinctively, he turned it over, and wasn't surprised to see that there was an inscription. The words caused him to bow his head for a moment as tears filled his eyes.

"Noah? What does it say?" James asked. Noah held out the watch for James to see, he couldn't talk. He was overwhelmed with the emotion of it all. "Noah, My love for you is timeless. Cherish it always. L.S.M" James read. He smiled and placed the watch on Noah's arm. "It's beautiful Noah."

Noah smiled through his tears and glanced at his gift. "What's even more beautiful," He said looking at James, "Is that we got each other the same gift…down to the message."

"I guess Luke wasn't kidding when he said you two are connected." James grinned.

"Yeah, well," Noah said bashfully, "we have something for you too."

"You do?" James asked amazed.

"Yeah," Noah nodded as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a green chain with a smooth stone at the bottom. "Luke and I have the same one," He explained as he handed it to James. My chain is blue, for my eyes, and Luke's is brown. The stone is representative of the three of us. It turns blue, green and brown in the sun."

James didn't know what to say. He took the chain and placed it over his head, hiding it beneath is tuxedo shirt. The stone felt cool against his chest and he smiled as he gave Noah a hug. "Thank you…just thanks."

"There really aren't words, James," Noah said pulling away to look at him, "to truly describe what both Luke and I feel. There is a lot of gratitude, and even more love, and I have to tell you I'm not used to that at all. Luke taught me a lot about how to love someone, and if I don't stop on that thread, I'll end up reciting my vows. "

James chuckled softly. "I think I understand. Looks like Luke has been good for both of us."

"Yeah, and you've been good for me, because I've never had a brother, and as crazy as it is…I'm glad it's you."

"Well the feeling is mutual, Noah. It's nice to have people who understand you, but now I think we need to save the sentiment for after the ceremony.

"Have either of you seen Luke?" Holden asked startling both of the boys with his presence.

"I haven't seen him yet, sir," James said with a shake of his head.

"I know he was going to see Maddie, but maybe he's in his room getting changed?" Noah suggested.

"Thanks guys," Holden said smiling at both boys. "Are you both specifically waiting for your ties to be fixed?"

"Yes sir," both boys said looking down at the ties they held in their hands. They looked at each other and cracked up laughing, James shoved Noah playfully as Holden left the room in search of his son.

He found him in his room, standing in front of the mirror and for a moment he leaned against the doorframe and just watched. This was the room Luke had grown up in…one of them anyway, Holden mused. Luke had spent a considerable amount of time in this room and this house, and now…now he was a man. He was about to recommit himself to the man he loved, and Holden marveled at that. IT was a sad moment for him, but a proud one as well. He was losing his son the boy, but he loved the man he had become even more then he could ever convey.

"Noah said you would be in here," he said stepping into the room. Luke turned around to face him, a smile on his face and Holden was struck with another memory. Had it really just been a year ago that his son was preparing for his senior prom? Had it really been last year that he was trying to encourage his son that he would find that special someone? It all seemed so long ago."

"Dad don't go getting all nostalgic on me," Luke laughed as he came closer to give his dad a hug.

"I can't help it," Holden defended. "It's hard to watch your son grow up, and even harder to let him go."

"Well I hope you aren't going to let go," Luke said seriously. "I still need you, always. You're my dad."

"Well," Holden said straightening his son's tie, "Your dad has something for you. He handed over a box and Luke smiled as he opened it. Inside was a pair of silver monogrammed cuff links. "I wore those when your mother and I remarried," he explained sadly, as he took them out the box and fastened them on his son's cuffs. "I can't think of a better person to pass them on to."

"Thanks Dad. I'll take good care of them, promise."

"And I have no doubt that you and Noah will be happy. Just try to listen to each other, even when you think the other is wrong. Communication was something your mother and I lacked. I don't want to see that with you and Noah…you two have something special. And I hope you cherish it."

"And whenever I take it for granted I am sure you will be there to remind me right?" Luke asked.

"As a matter of fact, I will be." Holden touched his son's shoulders and just stood silently for a moment. His son was all grown up, and it dawned on him that after this moment he wouldn't see him for a very long time. This wasn't like when Luke would go off to summer camp, or even the times when he was in the hospital. This was tearing him apart and he was trying very hard to be the calm, cool and collected man he was known for being. "I'm going to miss you," he said forcing the words out of his mouth. "I don't think I realized how much until now, but I'm going to miss you, but I want you to know how proud I am of you. I love you Luke."

Luke pulled his dad into a hug and held on tight. For the second time his rule about not crying was about to be broken. "I love you, Dad, and I'm going to miss you too," He said keeping his voice steady. "Just remember no matter where I am, I'll always come home to you."

"I'm going to see if I can find Luke," Noah said standing just as James' father entered the room. "I want him to tie this for me. Hi Dr. McPherson."

"Hello Noah," George greeted the other man, taking his hands in his hand for a moment. "Congratulations to you and to Luke."

"Thanks sir," Noah smiled and left the room. George watched him leave before turning to see his son standing at the mirror working on his tie. He came up behind him and placed his hands on his son's shoulders, and they stood there for a moment smiling at their reflections in the mirror.

"Do you want some help with that?" he asked after watching James fiddle with the tie again.

"If you don't mind," James said turning to face his father. "I assure you I paid attention to all your lessons, Dad, but I hate bowties."

George chuckled as he straightened his son's tie and showed him how to tie it just right. "I don't think anyone really likes bowties son. But one day, I'm sure you will be showing your son how to tie one."

"One day," James agreed. "I just hope I can be as good a dad as you have been."

"I've definitely tried, son."

"Well…you succeeded." James bit his lip for a moment as he looked at his father. He had been thinking about this as of late, and he just felt he needed to ask. "Do you ever think about her, Dad? Do you ever wonder where she is? What she's doing, and if she ever thinks about us at all?"

"I have wondered that from time to time," George confessed. "Especially when you graduated from high school, or when you won that science fair in the 8th grade," He smiled fondly. "I am so proud of you, son, and I wish she could have seen what a fine young man you have become. I don't know if she thinks about you, but I don't want that to distress you. Your mother walked away because she was a coward, and she missed a lot of great moments with you growing up. She didn't believe in you kiddo, but that's her fault, not yours. You trust me?"

"Always, Dad," James' voice was soft as he hugged his father close. "Thank you," he whispered after a moment of silence. "For everything."

"I'm just doing what any parent would do, son."

"No," James said pulling away to look at him. "You have gone far and beyond what many parents do, and I realize that every day. I mean you had to take care of me all by yourself, and I was sick…but you never gave up on me. And you've never stopped, and I know I'm being sentimental, but I'm allowed. It's my wedding day."

"Be as sentimental as you want to be, I am very thankful to Madeline, and Luke and Noah as well, for bringing out this side of you. It's a nice change from the moody closed off son I loved just as well. You are happy, right James?"

"For the first time in my life I can truthfully say yes, I am. Are you?"

George smiled reassuringly. "Yes, James. I am. I truly am."

"Everyone and their mother seems to be looking for you."

"I've been right here," Luke said turning to see his big brother standing in the doorway. "I'm just working on Noah's tie."

"I'm sure that's not all you've been working on," Aaron teased as he stepped inside. Luke looked away from those knowing blue eyes and focused once again on his husband who was blushing.

"Do you want me to leave so you two can have a chat?" Noah asked even as he leaned forward to kiss Luke's cheek.

"You don't have to go, Noah," Aaron stated. "I want you to hear what I have to say."

"Is something wrong?" Luke asked frowning as he watched Noah settle down. Aaron leaned against the desk and Luke joined his husband on the bed.

For a long moment Aaron just stared at his brothers…both of them, for he had come to think of Noah as the same, especially after everything that had happened in recent months. He couldn't have asked for a better mate for his little brother, whom he felt like he was still getting to know in a lot of ways. He had been shocked to find out that they were married, but it seemed right to him somehow. He admired that about his brother; he had the ability to just go after what he wanted and he was very proud of him.

"So do you have any advice, big brother?" Luke asked breaking the silence. "Any words of wisdom?"

"I think I could take advice from you guys," he said with a smile. "You and Noah have something that the rest of us wish we could get."

"But I thought you did have it?" Luke commented. "With Alison."

Aaron smiled. "I had to work at that though," he explained. "You, little brother, saw what you wanted, and you didn't give up until you had it."

"Not really true," Luke shook his head. "You may not remember all of this," he said bumping his husband with his shoulder, "but we had quite the time getting together."

"I hope I remember it all someday," Noah smiled. "If someone is important enough to you, then you fight for them no matter what."

"That's very good advice," Aaron smiled as he watched his brothers butt their foreheads together. He could just hear his Ali's voice saying "Awww." He cleared his throat and laughed as the two boys jumped apart and looked at him. "Don't lose that," he said taking on the tone of a big brother. "What you two share is something special, something unlike anything I've ever seen. The rest of us really could take a lesson from you. Luke, I probably should save some of this for the reception, but I wanted you to know that I'm proud to be your brother. And you better come back, so that I can get to know you better. We missed so much time, with me living in Seattle and all. I'm sorry about that."

"Your mom was sick, Aaron. You had to go," Luke protested. "There is nothing to be sorry for. I'll be back, and we have the rest of our lives to be brothers. I'm looking forward to it."

"I'm counting on it," Aaron said softly. HE turned his eyes on Noah who was smiling as he waited. "And as for you, Noah…thank you."

"Huh?" Noah said surprised. "For what?"

"For so many things," Aaron said spreading his arms to emphasize his point. "You saved my brother's life in more ways than one. I just wanted you to know that, you know? I'm glad you're my brother and I am looking forward to knowing you too. Welcome to the family."

The minute Lucinda learned that her grandsons were going to renew their wedding vows she knew she had to make it special. When she found out that their special day would be shared with that of Maddie and James, she was even more determined that it would be spectacular. As she surveyed her handiwork, she couldn't help but smile. Everything looked beautiful, and it would be perfect for the young people she held so dear to her heart. Even Maddie and James, and especially Noah had managed to worm their way into that special place she held exclusively for her precious grandson. The love she had for Luke was unmatched by most in her life. He truly was her darling and today she would see him finally achieve the happiness he so deserved.

The grass was a lush green, and the sky was clear and blue. The sun bounced off of Snyder Pond, casting shadows and light across the expanse. Rows of chairs covered in white with blue sashes littered the makeshift aisle. The chairs faced a canopy of twinkle lights and greenery. It was a perfect day for a wedding.

The tables were already set up in the distance, draped in alternating blue and green linens and covered with the best china. Emma had been working on the menu for days now, and there were two beautiful cake; one a round triple tiered cake with white icing and green roses for Maddie and James. The other was a square two tiered treat with ice blue frosting and a chocolate brown trim for her boys. It was the perfect complement to the elaborate feast Emma was whipping up.

The guest list was small and intimate; just close family and friends for this ceremony. Already the guests were arriving, milling around chatting and mingling. Everyone seemed cheerful today, and Lucinda wouldn't have it any other way. She was the perfect hostess, clad in her dark purple suit, looking nothing like a woman who had spent the last few months in a hospital bed. She was all class and style. She felt a hand on her shoulder and smiled when she saw it was Dr. McPherson.

"George, it's good of you to join me. How are you holding up darling?"

"This is a day every parent looks forward to Lucinda," George smiled, remembering when Luke's grandmother had insisted they drop the formality between them. "And you are looking lovely. If you're not careful you may outshine the bride."

"You hush," Lucinda stated, though the slight tint in her cheeks took the bite out of her words.

"Hello Mother." Both Lucinda and Dr. McPherson turned to see Lily walking down the pathway, on Dusty's arm.

"Lily, how nice of you to show up," Lucinda smiled, though it was clear that she did not approve. "Dusty, why don't you go ahead and have a seat over there. I need to talk to my daughter for a moment."

"Everything looks beautiful, Mother," Lily complimented. "You really outdid yourself this time."

"What is he doing here," Lucinda hissed, ignoring her daughter's words.

"I thought you liked Dusty?" Lily said sounding affronted.

"I like him just fine, but this is your son's wedding day. He invited you; I don't think that invitation extended to your lover. Do you have no decency?"

"Mother this is the only way for me to see my son. His husband certainly won't let me see him. I want to apologize, and I can't do that with you, Holden and Noah treating me like some criminal. I'm his mother and he needs me."

Lucinda pursed her lips. She was not going to be the one to suggest that maybe Luke didn't want to see his mother. Not today, today was supposed to be happy. "I tell you what darling," she said after a moment's thought, "I will drop this. I will drop it for today because it's your son's day, and Noah's day and they deserve nothing but good cheer. And don't you dare think about mentioning this mess today. You hear me? Do not ruin this day for your son, or I'll never forgive you for it."

She allowed George to lead her away, as he whispered in her ear that it was time to get ready for their trek down the aisle. She tucked her hand into the crook of his arm and looked back to see her daughter moving toward her seat. A frown crossed her lips as Lily settled into Dusty's arms, her head on his shoulder. She would have to keep an eye on Lily today…she wished she could just be happy that her daughter had shown up, but so much damage had been done to her grandson's heart.

"She can't keep doing this to him, George."

"I am sure that Luke will make the best decision for him when he is ready to make It, Lucinda. Unfortunately we cannot protect our children, or our grandchildren, from everything…even if we want to."

"OH, I am well aware of that, Darling…it doesn't mean I won't try."

George just patted her hand as they watched the rest of the guests arrive. The wedding party came shortly thereafter. The men were dressed in ivory; Noah wore an ice blue shirt with a brown bowtie. Luke wore a matching tuxedo and tie, while James went for green accents to match his eyes. All of the men wore boutonnieres of calla lilies to match Maddie's bouquet. Lucinda smiled as her former son-in-law came closer and she held out her hand for him, greeting him with a kiss on the cheek.

'Everything looks beautiful, Lucinda," Holden complimented. "Including you."

"Now, now let's save the compliments for the bride. Is everyone here?"

"Grandma this is so beautiful," Luke exclaimed as he came over to give his grandmother a kiss on the cheek. "Hello, Dr. McPherson, Dad. I think we're going to begin soon."

"Has the bride arrived?" James' father asked.

"Yes," Luke said grinning. "She's staying in the limo so that James doesn't see her until she walks to him."

"Luke, Luke," Natalie ran over to him. He caught her before she could fall and ruin her pretty white dress.

"What's the emergency, Peanut?"

"Noah wants to give you something," Natalie said smiling. "He said it's a,"

"You can't tell him," Faith said coming out of nowhere to cover her sister's mouth. She smiled at her big brother. "Noah is waiting for you though. There is one last thing he wants to give you before the wedding starts."

Luke kissed both his sisters on the cheek before heading to where Noah was standing on the bank, looking out at the pond. "You wanted to see me," he asked standing beside him, looking at the water as well.

"I forgot I wanted to give you this," Noah said turning to face him. He handed him the box, which Luke promptly opened.

Luke smiled at the watch that was similar to the one he had given Noah. "Oh, Noah," he said tears misting his eyes as he read the inscription on the back. He couldn't say any more than that, he was overwhelmed with the gift and the significance of the inscription. He put his arms around his husband and held on for a long moment. "Thank you," he whispered pulling away to put his watch on.

Noah smiled and would have said more, but James stepped up and pulled them both with him. "Come on, you two, we have a wedding to be in."

It is a defining moment in any parent's life to witness the wedding of their child. Holden and George were no exception to the rule, as they prepared to walk down the aisle. Lucinda seemed to glide on George's arm, seeming a bride herself, as he led her to her seat. Henry made his way down next dressed to officiate over the proceedings. He was proud of his sister and very honored to be asked to perform both ceremonies. James walked down next, followed by the rest of his groomsmen with Holden bringing up the rear. The processional music; Canon in D, continued as the bridal party made its way down to the canopy. Once Faith found her place the music stopped and the crowd rose to their seats. Natalie was the prettiest flower girl as she walked, tossing lilies here and there along the grass. When she veered off to the right, all eyes were on the back of the rows of chairs as Maddie and Luke linked arms and the Wedding March started to play.

"Let us pray," Henry said as everyone took their seats. "Our father, who thou art in Heaven, we ask for your blessings on this day for Maddie and James and their families as they embark on this new Journey together. Amen. We are gathered here today to join this man and this woman in the bonds of Holy Matrimony. Who gives this woman to this man?"

"I do," Luke announced, "On behalf of her family."

"Thank you Luke," James said as Luke placed Maddie's hand in his. Luke nodded and smiled before taking his spot between Noah and James.

"Maddie and James have chosen to write their own vows," Henry announced, "so at this time I'm going to turn the ceremony over to them."

Maddie handed her flowers to Gwen before taking James' hands into her own. She looked up into his expressive green eyes and smiled. "Someone once told me that love is like a promise for our souls to keep. It can be tested, and bent, and even shaken but it can never truly break. I'm not sure how much I believed that until now, with you, James. With you I know, that even though I have known love before, I've never understood what it means to give yourself up completely to another person. Today I promise that I will love you, and treasure you, for as long as we both shall live. I will honor you, cherish you and believe in you and our love, for better or worse, in sickness and in health, the good times and the bad. From here on out, my life, and my heart belong solely to you. This is my vow."

"I never thought I would find true love," James said, his voice loud and clear as he gazed into Maddie's chocolate eyes. "I never expected to find someone who could complete me, and someone who would love me unconditionally. Quite simply Maddie I never knew love until you. It's not enough to say that I can give you my heart. You are my heart, and my soul, and I vow to spend the rest of our lives making you as happy as you have made me. I will honor you, and cherish you, for better or worse. In sickness and in health, the good times and the bad times for eternity.

Maddie and James looked expectantly at Henry who was making no attempts to hide the fact that he had been crying. He smiled as he flicked a tear away and cleared his throat. "That was beautiful, and now it's time for the exchange of rings. Rings please." Luke handed Henry the rings, and watched as he handed one of them to James. "Okay James, repeat after me, "With this ring, I thee wed."

"With this ring," James repeated as he slipped the ring on Maddie's finger, "I thee wed."

"With all my heart and soul for the rest of my life."

"With all my heart and soul, for the rest of my life," James voice was soft as he rubbed Maddie's ring finger with his thumb.

"Maddie," Henry handed his sister the ring, allowing their fingers to stay together for a long moment. "Repeat after me. With this ring, I thee wed."

Maddie swallowed back her tears as she slipped the ring on James' hand. "With this ring, I thee wed. With all my heart and soul for the rest of my life."

Once again Henry had to compose himself before he could speak again. His heart was swelling with pride, and as he looked out at the audience he could see that they too were aglow with happiness. "Maddie and James have pledged their hearts to each other with vows and with the exchange of rings," he said once he found his voice. "Marriage is not something to be entered into lightly. It is a commitment that takes a lot of time and a lot of love to make it work. I have no doubt in my mind that these two will be very happy together. They have faced a lot of trials and with the support of their family and their friends they stand here strong, and ready to face the world. Do you, James Robert McPherson, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?"

James squeezed Maddie's hand and smiled as he nodded. "Yes, I do."

"And do you, Madeline Elizabeth Coleman, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?"

"I do," Maddie whispered.

"Okay," Henry wiped away another tear and smiled. "By the power vested in me by the State of Illinois, I now pronounce you Husband and Wife. James you may kiss your bride."

James wasted no time in heeding that request, he could hear the applause that erupted in the clearing, but he was focused completely on the sweetest kiss, his first kiss with his wife…his wife.

"Ladies and gentlemen," Henry announced as James and Maddie broke away from their embrace, and held hands, "I now present to you for the first time, Mr. and Mrs. James McPherson."

James and Maddie shared one more kiss as people stood and clapped. George was beaming, Henry was all grins, and Luke and Noah couldn't deny that they had been brought to tears. It had been a lovely service…but it wasn't over, not just yet. When the applause died down, Maddie and James stepped over to the side and Luke took a hold of Noah's hand and smiled. Now it was their turn.

"Maddie and James have decided to share their special day with a couple who is dear to their hearts, as well as the hearts of all those assembled here today. Anyone who knows Luke and Noah knows that what they share is something we all want. Their love has survived many obstacles, and they have overcome many things that could easily destroy an average pair. I don't want to take too much of the spotlight away from them, but I do want to offer my support and good wishes. Thank you Luke and Noah, for teaching all of us what true love is all about."

Holden clapped his hands in the silence, and he was soon joined by James, and Maddie. Lucinda stood and clapped too, and before they knew it everyone was standing and clapping. Noah smiled at Luke and ducked his head, a slight blush painting his cheeks. Luke's cheeks were pink too, and he smiled shyly, keeping his eyes on his bashful husband.

"Okay, Now that I have embarrassed you, we are gathered here today to reconfirm the love that Luke and Noah have for each other. They have prepared their own vows and pretty much know what they have to say so, take it away Luke and Noah."

"Where do I begin?" Luke asked as he looked deep into Noah's eyes. "There are so many words, Noah, so many things that I could say, and none of them would come close to describing how I feel in this moment with you right now. The past four months have been tumultuous at best, and full of obstacles that neither one of us could have foreseen." He smiled and bit his lip, trying to pick his words carefully. "This past year has been the craziest year of my life so far, but I can honestly say that I don't regret it, and that's because of you. You walked into my world and turned it upside down, and the best thing is that you did it twice. I count myself as very lucky, Noah because I got to fall in love with you all over again, and each day I find that I fall deeper and deeper, and that's how I like it."

Noah bit his lip to keep from crying, but he didn't think that would actually help. Luke's words, as simplistic as they were, touched him deeply and he was on the verge of forgetting everything he wanted to say.

"I love you, Noah," Luke continued. "You are first and foremost my best friend, my confidante and my rock. You are my lover…my husband and I promise to continue to honor you and cherish you for as long as we both shall live. You told me once that together we are stronger, and I believe that is true…for I am at my best when we are together. And I believe that we can face anything, and everything life throws at us. I love you, and for better or worse, good times and bad, sickness and health I will continue to do so. That is my vow."

"I'm happy," Noah started as Lucinda dabbed at her eyes with a tissue. Others were dabbing at their eyes as well, women and men alike, touched and moved by the words being spoken here. "I'm happy," Noah repeated, as he continued to stare at Luke, "and that is something that I can never truly remember saying about anything. I have no doubt in my mind or my heart that you are my happiness, Luke. You are my reason for living, for breathing and for being." He stopped momentarily to catch his breath. His heart was beating fast, and he knew he was drowning in the chocolate sea of Luke's eyes. He wondered momentarily if he had ever talked this much before.

"I still don't recall a lot about our early months together. There are still gaps…huge holes in the fabric of time that is my head, but I know one thing for certain. You are my hero, Luke. You stood by me through so much. You never left my side while I was in a coma, and you've been so patient with me…even though I'm certain I've driven you batty from time to time. But that's one of the things I love about you, you don't let that stop you from caring. I don't remember falling in love the first time, and I can't pinpoint when it happened this time, but I assure you that I love you, and nothing's going to change that. I am re-pledging our vow to stand together through the good times and the bad ones. Our love," Noah stated, not noticing the awed look on his husband's face, "has been and will continue to be tested, but in the end we'll always come out stronger, for better or worse, through sickness and health and for as long as we both shall live."

As Noah spoke, Luke found himself drawn back to that day in November. He couldn't believe he was hearing his husband repeat those words again. "You remembered," his words were soft and for Noah's ears only. "Oh my god," He said a little louder, "You remembered. Luke cupped Noah's face in his hands and kissed him deeply. Noah's arms wrapped around his waist pulling him closer and for a moment they forgot where they were.

"UH…guys," Henry said almost reluctantly, "We're not at that part yet. Guys."

"Give them a minute, Henry," James laughed. "They'll come up for air eventually.

Henry looked at his new brother-in-law and shrugged. "Well it is their party."

True to James' word the boys did break the embrace, amidst applause and "Awwws" from their family and friends. They blushed a deep shade of red which only seemed to escalate the applause a little bit more. Finally Henry cleared his throat to get everyone's attention and focused his eyes on Luke and Noah once it was silent again. "I take it you guys are ready to continue?"

"Yeah," Luke said softly, his gaze focused solely on his husband. He only had eyes for him.

"We're ready Henry," Noah added as he too got lost in chocolate.

"Okay," Henry said, his own heart full of love for the two men who stood before him. He really did think they could teach the rest of Oakdale a thing or two about love and commitment. "I don't think there is a doubt in anyone's mind that Luke and Noah love honor and cherish each other as they have pledged here today. I have rings, given to me by the groom himself," Henry handed one of the rings to Luke and the other to Noah. "Luke I think you have something to say to Noah."

Luke nodded and focused on Noah once more. "Noah, with this ring I, Luciano Eduardo Snyder-Mayer re-pledge my undying affection and love for you. You are already the owner of my heart and my soul, and I am committed to being the best husband I can be."

Noah couldn't help the tears that slid down his cheeks as Luke placed the ring on his finger. He wiped his eyes quickly and held Luke's hand in his own. He was shaking as he slipped Luke's ring onto his finger. "Luke, with this ring, I, Noah Snyder-Mayer re-pledge my undying affection and love for you. You are already the owner of my heart, and my soul and I am committed to being the best husband I can be."

"Luke," Henry's voice drew their attention, "You still take this man to be your husband, your mate and long time partner in every way?"

"I do." Luke smiled. "I do."

"And Noah, you still take this man to be your husband, your mate and long time partner in every way?"

"I do."

"Then by the power vested in me by the state of Illinois I now pronounce you remarried…and you may continue to kiss your husband," He said as the two of them embraced in another passionate clench. Henry folded his arms and smiled. He knew it would take a few minutes, and the ceremony was just about over. "Okay," he said when they pulled apart again. "Noah, you have a surprise for your husband. Are you still prepared to do that?"

Noah looked at Henry and nodded. Like clockwork music began to play and Noah took Luke's hands into his own and kissed him softly on the lips. "I love you," he said as he began to move to the beat of the music.

"It's undeniable, that we should be together  
It's unbelievable, how I used to say that I'd fall never  
It's basis you need to know you know just how I feel  
And let me show you now that I'm for real  
If all things in time, time will reveal

One: you're like a dream come true  
Two: just wanna be with you  
Three: boy, it's plain to see that you're the only one for me and  
Four: repeat steps 1 thru 3  
Five: make you fall in love with me  
If ever I believe my work is done  
Then I start back at one 

Luke was completely mesmerized as Noah continued to sing. Not surprisingly it felt like the song was written just for him. He was touched by the words and even more amazed that his husband was serenading him. Noah walked toward Luke as he continued his song, his eyes stayed set on those brown eyes.

"Say farewell to the darkened night  
I see the coming of the sun  
I feel like a little child whose life has just begun  
You came and breathed new life  
Into this lonely heart of mine  
You threw out the lifeline just in the nick of time

"One:" he said caressing Luke's cheek, " you're like a dream come true  
Two: just wanna be with you  
Three: boy, it's plain to see that you're the only one for me and  
Four: repeat steps 1 thru 3  
Five: make you fall in love with me  
If ever I believe my work is done  
Then I start back at one

One: you're like a dream come true  
Two: just wanna be with you  
Three: boy, it's plain to see that you're the only one for me. I love you Luke," Noah said as the music faded out, and the applause started. There were people up on their feet clapping and some were whooping while others cried, but Luke only had eyes for Noah, and he cupped his face in his hands and kissed him greedily. Noah wrapped his arms around his husband and gave in to the kiss.

"I love you so much," Luke whispered against his mouth. "Thank you." Noah's answer, if he had one, was swallowed once more in Luke's mouth.

Henry shook his head and smiled at the assembled guests. "Ladies and gents, I present to you one, more time, Luke and Noah Snyder-Mayer. May we all be inspired by the great passion they share."

The applause brought Luke and Noah back to reality, and they sheepishly pulled apart and held hands as they walked back up the makeshift aisle, followed by Maddie and James, and the rest of the wedding party. Luke was on cloud nine, and he was certain he wasn't the only one. From the flushed looks he caught on his husband's face as well as James' and Maddie's, he knew they were extremely blissful too.

"Can I get everyone's attention please," Luke said standing as he clinked on his glass with a fork. Everyone, please for one minute." He waited until he was sure he had everyone's attention before smiling and looking around at all the people who were assembled to share this day. "First I want to thank you all for being here to share this joyous occasion with us. It's been quite a ride, for Noah and me, and Maddie and James as well. We've been through some crazy things."

"I think that's the understatement of the century," James interjected softly."

Everyone chuckled at that, and then focused back on Luke, who was practically glowing as he looked at Maddie and James. "Yeah, it is the understatement of the century, but this toast…this particular toast is for you, my brother. There is not enough money in the world, James, to repay you for everything you have done for me. From all the frantic phone calls, to the impromptu counseling sessions and just for all your friendship in general. I would have faltered a long time ago if not for you, and I love you, man, and I can't think of a better person for Maddie, my other best friend, then you. So everyone, raise your glasses and drink in honor of Maddie and James."

"To Maddie and James," Noah said lifting his glass and clinking it with Luke's. The assembled crowd did the same and for a moment the air was filled with chatter and eating once again, until Gwen hit her glass with a fork and stood up herself.

"I don't know how I 'm supposed to follow Luke's beautiful speech," she said causing everyone to laugh lightly. "But, Maddie here deserves only the best and I think she has found that with James. You and I have been through a lot together, Maddie, and you are truly the best friend a girl could ever wish to have. You've helped me through so much…and you never let me give up on me and Will. James is a good guy, and I like you two together. You take good care of her," she said focusing her words for a moment on James.

"I will," James said looking at Maddie lovingly.

"To Maddie and James," Gwen said raising her glass. "Thank you both for being such great friends."

"I guess it's my turn," Maddie said wiping her tears away as she stood up. "You would make me cry before I have to give a toast," she grinned at Gwen. Her jibe got a laugh from the crowd and she waited for everyone to calm down again before she continued. "As you can imagine it has been a very emotional day for me, and my fellow musketeers here. What am I saying; it has been one hell of a year to be truthful. And it seems fitting that one year ago today I met the man who would become one of my dearest friends. Noah," she said facing him directly. "My kindred spirit in everything movie related…I think you do Jimmy Stewart and Cary Grant proud. It took us awhile to get here to this point, but I don't think I would change anything, because you're right where you belong, by this guy's side," she nodded towards her best friend who smiled in return. "You've thanked me for being your friend, and for not giving up on you months ago, but I think I'm the one who owes you the thanks. Thank you, Noah, for showing me…for reminding me that I deserve to be happy, and so do you, and I'm glad you've found that happiness with Luke. I love you both."

A general murmur of "Awww" flowed through the crowd as Noah and Luke stood to give Maddie a hug and a kiss on either cheek. James from his seat insisted that the three of them pose for a picture, and it was a long moment before things calmed back down and Maddie finished her toast.

"To Noah, and to Luke," she said proudly. "You can't ask for better friends then these."

James pulled Maddie down for a kiss before standing himself. He waited for everyone to finish toasting before he spoke, a hand resting on Luke's shoulder. "My beautiful bride called us the four musketeers, all for one, and one for all…and I think that is probably the best description I can give. And um, I owe all of this," he said gesturing toward the crowd, "and my happiness to this guy," he squeezed Luke's shoulder. "If it weren't for Luke, I probably never would have gone on that blind date, and I never would have met this terrific girl, nor would I have found my two brothers." He paused for a moment and Luke and Noah exchanged a look before focusing on James again. "You don't find couples like Luke and Noah around very often," James continued facing the eyes of all their family and friends. "They are kind, considerate, Loyal and brave…very very brave. And I think everyone here can agree that when Luke loves you, he does it with his whole heart. If you are lucky enough to call him your friend, you know that no matter what he will stand by your side, and be there for you through the good times and the bad. So this toast is for you, Luke…Thank you for being my brother, and you know that I wish nothing but the best for you and Noah. All for one, and one for all."

"I know you all want to get to the cake cutting," Noah said standing, "but first I have to make one more toast." Everyone looked at him expectantly, and he was sure he saw pride in his husband's eyes, but he was too nervous to dwell on it. "I…just wanted to say that I'm grateful to all of you for welcoming me not just into the Snyder family, but the entire community. I remember enough to know that I've only been here for a year…today in fact. But in a lot of ways it feels like I've lived here forever. It's nice to have a place to call home, and it's even nicer to have people around you who care whether you're happy or not. So many people have welcomed me, and embrace me into their lives…their worlds and I'm grateful to all of you, but none more so then the people sitting right here…just bear with me, Luke is so much better at words, but I really need to say this." Luke squeezed his hand encouragingly and watched enraptured as Noah continued.

"There isn't a person at this table who hasn't touched me in some way or another," Noah continued looking at the assembled wedding party. "And I want to thank you all. Gwen, Ali, Vienna…thank you for showing me what it must be like to have older sisters, I really appreciate your friendship, it means a lot to me. Will, Aaron, Luke loves you guys, and that has shaped a lot of how I feel about you too. You're great guys and excellent older brothers, and even better friends. And Katie, thanks for being so understand about the amnesia and everything…I really appreciate that and just from the little bit of time I've spent with you, I know I must have liked you."

Everyone chuckled and Noah blushed and looked down into Luke's smiling eyes. "Keep going," Luke whispered, "you're doing fine."

With that bit of encouragement, Noah looked back up and continued with his words. "Holden, I um, just wanted to say that I wish I was your son for real, because you've always been right there for me. Even with a large gap in my memory I can tell that you care about me and I just want you to know that I love you too, and you are Dad to me…if that's okay."

"It's more than okay, Noah," Holden assured him, a soft smile touching his lips.

"Which brings me to you three," he said his eyes trained on Maddie James and Luke. "I'm grateful to the three of you, most of all. Your patience and your love has helped me so much over the past four months, that I don't think I could really put it into words. Thank you, James and Maddie, for being my pillars when Luke was in the coma. And thank you for helping him when I couldn't. And thank you, Luke for not giving up on me and for believing in me even when I gave you reasons to doubt. To quote one of my favorite movies…I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship."

Another group hug followed Noah's words and soon after that the four friends left the table for the cake cutting ceremony. Many pictures were snapped as Maddie and James cut their cake together and fed it to each other. James had cake on his nose, and Maddie lovingly wiped it off before smashing more cake in his face. He kissed her greedily and Luke and Noah couldn't help but laugh along with everyone else. It was so nice to be silly and carefree like this. They hoped it didn't have to end.

They cut their cake next. Luke held the plate of cake in his hands and broke off a bite to share with Noah. It was the sweetest thing to see Noah lovingly swipe away the crumbs at the corner of Luke's mouth before kissing the chocolate covered lips. They were completely lost in the moment until they heard Gwen announce that it was time for the first dance between both couples.

Luke led Noah out to the clearing where Maddie was already wrapping her arms around James, as Mark Wills voice filled the air with I Do(Cherish You), a song that the four friends had agreed summed up their feelings completely on so many levels. Noah started to sing along with the song as they danced and Luke grinned up at him fondly.

"You better be careful," he cautioned, "I could so get used to you serenading me."

Noah laughed and continued to sing as he held Luke close, nuzzling his chin in thick blond hair. "If you're asking if I love you this much," he sang softly. "I do."

Luke's expression was thoughtful as he watched the party go on around him. He was enjoying himself immensely. For him the day had been perfect, and he felt that he had made it perfect for Noah as well. If there was a cloud higher than nine, then that was where Luke was right at that moment, as he waited for Noah to return to his side. His Husband was dancing with his grandma Lucinda. Luke had already shared several dances with both his grandmothers and with Maddie and Gwen as well. He had even shared a dance with his two little sisters before they rushed off with Sage and the other kids, having grown tired of the grownups for now.

It was nice, being able to relax for a moment. His back was resting against the big oak tree, a smile on his face as he thought about what was to come. As soon as the party was over he and Noah would be boarding the private jet; their destination, Florence Italy…he couldn't wait to be alone with Noah there, far away from the worries and issues he wished to escape.

"Luke?" He heard her voice and sighed. He had known the moment would come when she would find him, and he hoped he could get through the next few minutes. It wouldn't be hard…as long as she didn't push he could do it. He certainly didn't want to get into heavy stuff with her today. He could admit that he was glad she had come; he could even overlook the fact that she had brought her lover with her. He didn't care what she did really, not anymore.

"Hi," he said turning to face her. "I'm glad you could make it."

'I'm happy to see that you are healthy and happy with Noah," Lily said smiling.

"Thank you, Mother. I mean that."

He could tell that she was taken aback by his tone, but he held his breath waiting to see what she would say next.

"Luke, I…I wanted to apologize."

"NO, please don't," he said shaking his head.

"But I'm sorry," Lily insisted, reaching out to touch her son's arm. "I never meant to hurt you, I love you."

"You have a weird way of showing love mother," Luke said pulling his arm away. "Just leave me alone."

"What are you doing to him?" Noah asked coming up behind Luke.

"I just wanted to apologize for everything that happened with Randy."

"No," Luke shouted. "Don't say that name, don't ever mention him to me again, and you just need to leave me alone right now."

"Luke,"

"Lily just go," Noah said surprising Luke and Lily with the sternness in his tone. "Luke will talk to you when he's ready to talk, and not before. So just go." He wrapped his arm around his husband and led him away from the tree, leaving Lily standing there dumbfounded.

They walked in silence, leaving the party behind without a thought. They stopped when they reached the barn, and Noah led Luke inside. Still they said not a word to each other until they were up in the hayloft. "I'm sorry, Noah," he said as they settled down on a blanket Luke had found. "I didn't mean to ruin the day…it was going so well."

"You didn't ruin anything Luke." Noah assured him. "Are you okay? What happened, what did your mom say to you?"

Luke shook his head. "I am so tired of this Noah. I just want to not think about it anymore. Is that too much to ask? Did she have to bring it up today?"

"NO, you're right…"

"And then she mentioned him. I certainly didn't want to think about that today. And how does she think that she can just come in here and think things will be okay just because she said I'm sorry."

"Luke, I," Noah tried to interrupt

'I just wanted this day to be perfect for you, because I think you deserve that Noah."

"It was perfect, Luke, I wouldn't change anything about…"

"And I hate that I am so messed up about this and I just ruined…"

His words were forgotten the minute Noah's lips met his. The kiss was sweet and intense all at the same time, and his thoughts dissolved into nothing as his arms wrapped around Noah's neck. He was breathless when Noah broke the embrace and pressed their foreheads together. "Just shut up," Noah said before kissing him again.

Kissing Luke was the single most incredible experience in the world. Every time he started, he felt like he didn't want to stop and this time was no exception. Luke's mouth was intoxicating, invigorating…incredible. He tasted of chocolate and spice and Noah just couldn't get enough. Hands touched his shoulders momentarily before sliding down his back. They slid under his jacket and he shrugged out of it and made quick work of Luke's as well before deepening their passionate embrace.

Noah's heart was beating fast as he gave in to the emotions raging through him. Luke's hands on his body felt exquisite, exciting, exhilarating, and he wanted to share those feelings with Luke…he wanted to feel his fingers on that soft skin. The kisses intensified as he moved his hands from Luke's shoulders to his arms allowing his fingers to glide up and down the fabric causing friction. He could feel the electricity charge flow through him, and he pulled away from Luke long enough to catch his breath.

Luke was trying to catch his breath as well, and Noah couldn't get over how beautiful he looked, sitting there with his hair already sweaty, and his lips bruised from their kisses.

Ever so slowly he reached out to touch Luke's face, letting his fingers caress the soft skin of Luke's cheek. His fingers traveled down to the jawbone, tracing a line from his chin to his neck, his hand stopping to rest on his shoulders. He could feel Luke's breathing as his hands slid down his chest, moving up and down in slow strokes gauging the reactions he could see in Luke's eyes. His husband was slowly starting to relax, and he wasn't shying away from the touch. Noah knew exactly what he wanted to do.

He inched closer, pressing his forehead against Luke's as his hands started to unbutton his shirt. He was thankful that Luke had discarded the tie during the reception…one less thing to worry about. Luke's breath was hot against his face, and he longed to kiss him again, but he resisted until he reached the last button. His hands splayed out against Luke's chest pushing the fabric away, revealing more soft, silky smooth skin and muscle. Luke closed the distance between their mouths and Noah once again sank into the bliss that was Luke's kiss. He probed and explored Luke's mouth, letting his tongue slip as far as it would go. Luke moaned and Noah shivered with anticipation. It was almost too much, Luke's mouth and the skin that was now at his disposal…he already felt like he was in heaven

Noah felt Luke's hands on him, unbuttoning his shirt at what seemed an almost frantic pace. Noah stilled those hands, and he could see the passion in Luke's eyes…he could see the love and the want, and he wanted to fulfill all of Luke's needs. "Let me." Luke's hands clung to the sides of Noah's shirt for a long moment before loosening their grip. His fingers were limp and Noah brought those hands to his lips and kissed each digit causing Luke to smile contentedly.

He was determined to go slowly, to savor each and every inch of Luke. His lips and his tongue made quick work of his hand, his wrist, working his way up Luke's arm, pausing at the elbow to suck on the skin there. Luke's reactions were encouraging and he continued to kiss the skin, taking time to explore the area where the neck and shoulders meet.

"Noah," Luke gasped. He stopped and looked at him, concern clear in his blue eyes. Luke shook his head and raised a hand to touch Noah's cheek. "Don't…don't stop. I love you Noah…I trust you."

Noah kissed him softly on the lips before returning to his perusal of Luke's neck. He sucked on that spot, enjoying the moans that escaped Luke's lips. "You taste so good, Luciano." His voice was husky as he kissed Luke's collarbone and worked his way over to the other shoulder, lavishing equal attention on the crook in Luke's neck. It was quickly becoming one of his favorite spots.

"I love it when you call me that." Luke's voice was velvety smooth, seductive and sensual. Noah touched the smooth contours of Luke's chest, squeezing and kneading the skin, massaging and kissing, sucking on his nipples causing Luke to moan even louder. HE could fee Luke's every breath and his rapid heartbeat as he continued his descent down to the stomach and the belly button. Noah was slow and methodical about his touches, wanting to give Luke ample opportunity to stop him if he wasn't ready. He kissed Luke's waist line, while his hands squeezed the inner thighs and Luke's breathing became even more erratic and he moaned with anticipation. There was no fear and Noah took that as a good sign.

With every squeeze he moved closer to the center, to the bulging tent in Luke's pants. His lips kissed the bulge, causing Luke to catch his breath, and ever so gently Noah began to stroke it through the fabric. He squeezed it. Luke whimpered. He squeezed it again, and again, enjoying the sounds escaping Luke's mouth. He loved the faces his husband was making but it wasn't enough. He wanted to see it, he wanted to feel it, circle his hands around it…he wanted to possess it.

His movements were slow as he let his fingers travel back up to Luke's waistline. He unfastened the pants, and slowly pulled down the zipper. His eyes were focused on Luke, he was watching carefully for any sign of discomfort, but there was none. Luke was breathing heavy and there was desire in his eyes, desire and love…pure love. Still Noah was careful as he pulled down Luke's pants. He pulled off Luke's shoes and his socks, and tossed the pants to the side. Sapphire eyes remained locked on chocolate brown as Noah slipped out of his clothes as well. He slipped out of his boxers, and he was sure that he saw Luke lick his lips before biting down on them. Noah pulled Luke's boxers down inch by inch until he freed the object of his desire. The boxers were discarded and Noah touched the bulging member, his hand encircling it, causing Luke's breath to catch.

"Gosh, you're beautiful, Luke." His voice was husky as he allowed his hand to move up and down the shaft, squeezing and pumping. He found he liked the sound of Luke's fast breathing, and the whimpering. It gave him pleasure to know that he was able to bring his husband to these heights.

Noah licked his lips. He couldn't wait anymore. He kneeled down his head and took Luke into his mouth, swallowing as much as he could, his eyes gazing up at Luke as he begin to bob and suck. Luke writhed beneath the attention and Noah took the chance to quicken the rhythm. He wanted to taste his husband, wanted to drink in the sweet salty mixture that was Luke. He continued to suck and bob. He could feel Luke's hand in his hair, pressing him closer, urging him to continue his ministrations.

"OH god…Noah," Luke gasped. He could feel it coming and he wanted to warn Noah but his head was beginning to feel like mush.

Noah loved the sound of Luke's scream as he swallowed the salty treat, sucking until he claimed every last drop. He released Luke's limp number and claimed his mouth instead, making Luke moan with ecstasy as he deepened the kiss. Luke had missed this…he had missed Noah, he wanted him more then he wanted anything else in his life.

"Make…" he said as he tried to catch his breath. He held Noah's face in his hands, resisting the urge to kiss him again. He licked his lips, and hissed as Noah's hand circled his swollen cock once more. It didn't take much to make it stiff again and Luke shuddered. Noah's hands on his body were just like heaven. "Make love to me, Noah…I want you to make…love to me, please."

Noah squeezed him one last time, and Luke moaned into his mouth as they shared a deep searing kiss. His hands on Luke's flesh were like molten fire as he wanted Luke to remember his touch, to want it…to need it. Luke's noises were very appreciative of the attention, and Noah brought his hand up to Luke's mouth to silence him. He allowed his fingers to trace the outline of Luke's full lips, begging for entrance. Luke obliged and sucked on the fingers, getting them nice and slick with saliva. The in and out motions were enough to drive him crazy, and he shuddered. There was so much electricity in the room; it was a wonder nothing had caught fire.

Once again he took his time, slipping his fingers between the crack until he found Luke's entrance. It was tight, and the slightest touch caused his husband to tense up. "Just breathe, Luciano," he said keeping his voice soft. "Just breathe." He slid a finger in and started moving it in and out to loosen Luke up. Luke's breathing came even faster, and he shuddered but he didn't protest. Another finger, another sharp intake of breath, and then another until Noah managed to press all five fingers into his lover

"Noah please," Luke begged as he wriggled around trying to get Noah deeper inside him. "I want to feel you…I want to be one."

Noah removed his fingers and positioned Luke's legs over his shoulders. He kissed his husband; slowly, deeply, passionately before pressing himself inside. His stopped when he heard Luke cry out, a worried look on his features.

"Don't stop Noah…complete me."

He buried himself deep inside and stayed there for a minute, enjoying the feel of being deep inside this man he loved. He waited for Luke to feel comfortable, he did not want to hurt him, he only wanted to love him. And he did, ever so slowly at first, thrusting deeper with every hit, and enjoying the symphony of moans and cries Luke was emitting. When he was certain Luke was okay he quickened his pace, wanting to hit all the right spots, to give Luke the pleasure he craved. He bent down and kissed Luke as he thrust harder. Luke lifted his hips and moaned as Noah struck his prostate just right.

Noah couldn't begin to describe how incredible it felt just being with Luke like this. His head was spinning as he felt himself getting close to his climax. He grabbed a hold of Luke's cock and started pumping as he hit his mark one last time before he exploded, sharing with Luke all he had to give.

Luke shuddered as he released just seconds after Noah. He lifted himself up to capture Noah's mouth and they shared a kiss full of passion and pent up desire. "I love you," He said breathlessly. "I love you."

"And I love you, Luciano," Noah whispered before bringing their lips together once more. it didn't take long for the fire to ignite beneath them once again."

They lay tangled in each other's arms. Luke's head rested on Noah's chest, his eyes closed as Noah ran his fingers through sweaty, thick blond hair. Noah was at peace listening to the sound of his husband's even breathing. He wanted to close his eyes, but while his body was calm his mind was full of thoughts and a song that reminded him of this love he shared with Luke. He started to hum the melody, his eyes closing as his mind begin to drift.

**Accept me for who I am**

**That I'm only human**

"_Noah," Luke had said, "It's okay to cry. You don't have to hide your feelings from me." Luke had cupped his cheeks in his hands as he spoke, the rain pouring down on both of them, drenching them but they didn't' care. "I love you, and I want to tell you all the reasons that I do. I want to share every emotion with you. The anger, the happiness, the sadness and the love. I'll show you how…just talk to me."_

_Those few words, spoken with such love as Luke cupped his cheeks had made the tears come, and he cried for the first time in years he let the tears come and he held tight to Luke, burying his head in the crook of his neck._

**And there are more important things**

**Then what we fight about**

"_No!No!," Noah protested his hands resting on Luke's hips. "No…you're amazing. I know you love me. It's not you I don't trust, Luke. It's him."_

"_Trust me, Noah," Luke had said, "Let Randy think we're not gonna last, all he wants. That's just one more person we can say "I told you so" to in 50 years when we're still together."_

**We won't always see eye to eye**

"_I can't believe you just did that. "Why Noah?"_

"_Luke you don't understand. He started it. I was just…"_

"_He started it?" Luke exclaimed. "Noah we're not five, and this is our home. I don't care who started it, you should have known better."_

"_You're doing it again," Noah said angrily._

"_Don't what?"_

"_You're taking his side…like you always do."_

"_I'm not taking sides, Noah. I'm just trying to understand why you did that."_

**We say hurtful things, sometimes**

"_Dad, stop. "He's just my roommate, and his name is Luke."_

**And it gets hard when you love someone so much**

_Noah didn't think he'd ever forget the strangled sound that left Luke's lips as he explained what happened the night before thanksgiving. Noah was no longer concerned with the fact that Luke didn't like to be touched, he needed to hold him, wanted to comfort him and he did. He pulled him into his arms and held on tight, allowing Luke's tears to soak through his shirt_

**Everybody's got highs, and lows  
It's alright**

_The trip to Vegas had been amazing. Noah had survived his first flight on a private jet, and they dealt with bigotry from the desk clerk, and persevered. Dinner at a five star restaurant, a moonlit gondola ride and lots of lovemaking…it was pure bliss. And then they got the phone call, and their world came crashing down._

_Noah placed the phone on the cradle and crawled out of bed. "Luke," he said approaching his lover. "Hey what's wrong?" he asked as Luke turned to face him with red eyes, a clear indicator that he had been crying. Without answering he slipped into Noah's embrace and rested his head on Noah's shoulder._

"We have to go home," Luke said pushing away from Noah a few minutes later. "My grandma needs…whoa okay I don't feel good."

"Luke," Noah reached out for him and led him over to the bed. "Here have a seat."

"No," Luke attempted to fight Noah, but felt like he was going to pass out. "We have to go home Noah. My grandma needs me. She's in the hospital and I…"

_Noah had silenced him with a kiss and he had insisted that Luke relax while he got them ready to leave. Vegas had been fun, the surprise wedding had been romantic and amazing but it was time to head home…to Oakdale…Luke's grandmother needed him._

__**Its the weight of love  
Highs and lows, it's alright  
Oh, It's the weight of love  
**

"_Ready for bed?" Noah asked._

_Luke nodded and they prepared for bed silently. Luke claimed the right side of the bed, and Noah stayed on the left, giving Luke as much space as he could on the narrow mattress. "Do you think I should tell my family?" Luke asked a bit later as they lay in the dark._

"_That's totally up to you, Luke," Noah replied. "You certainly don't have to…and you don't have to think about it right now."_

"_I wouldn't know what to say," Luke admitted._

"_You'll tell them what you need to when you're ready. And even if you don't it doesn't make you a bad person. They are going to love you no matter what, Luke. Just like I do."_

"_Noah?"_

_Without a word, Noah scooted over and pulled Luke into his embrace. Luke snuggled into the warmth and Noah buried his face in Luke's hair. "I love you," he said as Luke drifted off to sleep. Luke's rhythmic breathing lulled him to sleep soon after…it was the perfect ending to a perfect night._

**Remember our first kiss  
And how we melted in our seats**

A smile crossed Noah's lips as he continued to run his fingers through Luke's hair. IF he had to name his favorite kiss with Luke, one that immediately came to mind was the one they shared in the office right after they got together

"_What are you thinking about?" Luke asked, trying his hardest to look stern. "You're supposed to be working."_

"_Oh, I was just thinking about last night, See, I have this incredibly hot boyfriend, and he is really great in bed too."_

"_Oh, really?" Luke said feigning surprise. "Sounds like a great guy. You must've been pretty lucky to land him." He said even as he moved across the room until he was by Noah's side. He moved Noah's chair, just enough for him to take a seat on the edge of the desk. He was facing his boyfriend head on, with his feet settled on Noah's chair._

"_Yeah," Noah replied. "I am lucky. He even made me pancakes this morning. I think I might keep him," _

_Using his feet, Luke pulled Noah's chair closer and eased himself into his lap._

"_Oh you THINK you might huh?" he asked, cocking his head sideways to look at his Boyfriend._

"_Yeah…I'm leaning towards forever even. _

_Luke grinned. "Forever huh? That sounds like fun…IF he wants to keep YOU around that long." _

_Luke couldn't help but chuckle at Noah's outraged expression. Before he could say more he felt arms settling around him, and hands linking on his lower back. His breath caught as Noah moved forward, allowing their foreheads to be pressed together. Their lips were just about to touch when Noah pulled back slightly without breaking the connection._

"_Maybe I should do something to convince him to keep me around?" he suggested. _

"_Hmmmm…Like what," _

_Noah answered with a kiss, and pulled Luke into his lap. Luke had told him he was perfect, and they proceeded to share a kiss that was more than likely too hot for the office, but that the moment they didn't' care. They had been alone, and their love was brand new…and they were melting in a pool of passion of their own creation._

That moment had been interrupted by Randy, but Noah still had to smile. HE had told Luke he was in love with him that day,

**It was an angel in the night  
Nothing's ever felt so right**

_They spent the weekend before Christmas on the couch. Noah held Luke tightly in his arms, giving him all of the comfort he could spare. He just liked having him there, back where he could keep him safe. IT was what Luke had needed then, and after three long weeks of not being able to touch him, Noah welcomed the cuddling. IT was just nice to know that Luke still needed him…that he would always need…and want him._

**And even the stars over our backyard  
Don't shine sometimes**

"_Noah," Luke said," his voice shaky as he looked at him. "You…you startled me."_

"_I'm sorry about yesterday," Noah said reaching out to stroke his cheek again. "You aren't still mad at me are you?"_

_Luke had been acting strange that morning, and now Noah knew why. _

"_I'm not mad at you, Noah," Luke said reaching out to take his boyfriend's hand, interlinking their fingers. "I love you…so much and I'm sorry we argued."_

_Noah had been relieved and he leaned in to kiss him, but Luke pulled away, and Noah frowned._

"_We can't always kiss it to make it better, Noah," he said, his hand touching Noah's cheek, "And I'm sorry if I seem a little…off. I guess I'm just tired and I don't feel so good…" _

"_You don't have a fever," Noah commented '"You do look a bit flushed though. Do you need me to stay home and take care of you? I can call out sick and…"_

"_No," Luke said, startling Noah with outburst. "You are not going to miss work because of me. You have that important meeting today, remember?"_

"_That's not as important as you, Luke," Noah countered, a frown settling on his lips. "If you aren't feeling well I can reschedule..."_

"_I'll be fine," Luke said smiling. "One of us has to go to work today. Otherwise they may begin to wonder about us."_

"_Listen to you, trying to be humorous when you obviously don't feel well," Noah allowed a smile to replace his frown. "You sure you aren't mad at me?"_

"_Luke shook his head. "I love you, Noah. Just…just remember that, okay?"_

Noah was slightly taken aback by the memories floating through his head. they were coming back in no particular order. The only thing the memories had in common was that they all involved Luke in some way or another. The song seemed to fit them so well, they had good times and bad times, but they always got through them.  
**  
We will grow old together  
Even for worse or better**

"_I know what you're doing, Luke," he said not taking his eyes off the other boy._

"I'm trying to offer you a drink," came the response swift and quick. Luke continued to search for something in the fridge as if he couldn't locate something that Noah would want.

"NO," Noah countered, his voice suddenly husky. "You're only doing this to make me crazy…Aren't you?"

For the longest time there was silence as Luke paused in his movements. Ever so slowly he stood up, and Noah's breath caught as those eyes, deep brown with a hint of green, turned to face him. The look on that face was defiant, though there was a gleam in those eyes that was unmistakable. There was no telling what Luke would do, though Noah was expecting him to tell him to fuck off.

"Is it working?" Luke asked, his eyes boring holes into Noah's soul.

That simple statement was enough to make Noah react. Before he even knew what hit him he was pressing Luke up against the counter, their mouths locked in a heated embrace that would have knocked both of them off their feet if not for the counter.` Time seemed to stand still as they kissed, both of them getting lost in the moment. Noah felt Luke's hands reach to clasp his shirt, pulling them closer together…as if that was even possible.

That night had been incredible, their first together…and Noah knew then that he loved him. He was in love with Luke, and that next day had been the beginning of a very bumpy ride…but they were together even for worse or better.

**Nothing will ever keep us apart**

"_I think what you're trying to ask," Noah said his voice thick with emotion, "is if Luke is still my boyfriend." He sighed when Maddie raised her eyebrows and he shook his head. "He hasn't been my boyfriend for almost five weeks now. He's my husband."_

"_You got married?" she asked following another moment of stunned silence. Noah nodded and wiped a stray tear from his eyes. He was replaying that day in his head, they had been so happy that day…Luke had been so surprised and all was right with the world. He almost wished they had stayed in Vegas. "When did you do that?" Maddie queried carefully. Her mind still reeling from this bit of news. _

"_When we went to Vegas," Noah admitted. "And as much as I would love to explain all this to you…now is not the time. I want to…need to help Luke. I need your help to do that. Maybe you can get through to him, where I can't. Please Maddie. Will you talk to him?"_

"_I'll…I'll try,"_

"_Don't be mad at us, okay? It was a spur of the moment thing and we were going to tell you after dinner that night…but the world fell apart. You know you mean everything to us Maddie; we just wanted to enjoy being newlyweds before we shared it with the world. And now I don't even know if he still wants to be married to me."_

"_Don't say things like that," Maddie snapped at him as she pulled him into another hug. "I'll talk to Luke, and we will fix this somehow…okay? We'll fix this Noah. You trust me right?"_

"_Yeah, Maddie. I do."_

**Everybody's got highs**

"_Luke there's something I wanted to ask you," Noah said reaching into his pocket. They had settled down on the blankets in the living room. The empty float glass had been set to the side and Luke was pulling a creamy envelope out of his suit jacket._

"_You can ask me anything, Noah."_

"_Well," Noah started. He shifted positions so that he was facing Luke and held the satin box out to him. "I'm not as good with words as you are, and I think the question will be clear if you just open this. I have been thinking about it for a while and I want what you want. I want to be able to have more days like this…more nights where I can fall asleep with you in my arms. I want to wake up with you every morning. I…I want to whisper to you in the dark when I can't sleep. I want to be with you all the time because I miss you when you're gone."_

_As he spoke he placed the box in Luke's outstretched hand. Luke for his credit was awestruck at the words coming from his boyfriend's mouth. _

"_That has to be the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me," he admitted as he fingered the box lovingly. _

_Noah waited with baited breath as he opened the box and let out a gasp. There resting neatly on top of the velvet was a single gold key. _

"_Oh, Noah," Luke said lifting the key out of the box and clasping it in his hand. "You want me to move in? Are you sure about that? I mean this is a big step, Noah. You could find out that you don't like me that much."_

"_Somehow I sincerely doubt that," Noah said pulling Luke closer. "I mean it, Luciano. Move in with me. Instead of talking on the phone until one of us falls asleep, we can cuddle and talk and sleep in each other's arms."_

"_And have more nights like this," Luke said finishing his thought. 'You know it's not going to always be sugarplums and roses right?"_

"_I know."_

"_And," Luke continued even as he cuddled closer to him, "we'll probably have to make a lot of compromises, and some changes."_

"_I know that too," Noah said his voice barely audible._

"_Is this key more than a key to your apartment, Noah?"_

_Silence was the only answer he could offer as he stared into that intense gaze. Luke's ability to read him was exceptional. One of the many things Noah loved about the man, he never had to say too much because Luke always knew. "It's my heart, Luke. "It belongs to you."_

**And Lows**

"_Luke?" He saw Luke jump, and he quickly moved to get out of bed. "What's wrong? Where are you going? What are you doing?" Noah asked frantically. He reached out to touch Luke, but Luke backed away._

"_Please don't try to stop me," Luke pleaded. "I Need to go…I need to get out of here, Noah."_

"_No," Noah said coming closer still. Luke moved back again and gulped when he realized he had pinned himself against the wall. "Please Luke, tell me what's wrong?"_

"_I can't stay here," Luke said simply. "I have to get out of here."_

"_Are you mad at me?" Noah asked sadly?_

"_NO…" Luke shook his head. "Noah, it's not you…I'm…I'm sorry. I just don't deserve you anymore, and being in the same place with you is just so…I can't do it."_

"_Luke," Noah started, trying to wrap his head around what was being said. "I know you're drinking again. I know something's wrong…and I don't want you to leave. Please, Luke whatever is going on we can get through it together. Don't leave me, okay?"_

"_I can't stay in this room," Luke said trying to sound resolute but failing miserably. I've just let you down so much, Noah. I don't deserve you."_

"_Look, it's the middle of the night, and you've been drinking. You aren't thinking clearly and you probably don't' even know what you're saying," Noah said trying to keep his voice calm. "How about we go back to bed and talk about this in the morning."_

"_I can't stay in this room, Noah," Luke repeated with a shake of his head. _

"_Okay, Okay, you don't have to stay in here, but please don't leave the apartment. Can you do that much for me Luke? I want you here. You can go back to sleep on the couch if that is what you need to do, but please don't leave me."_

"_Good night Noah," he said turning to walk out of the room. _

_Noah watched him go and sat down heavily on the bed. His heart was beating fast and he felt like he was on the verge of tears. He listened for a long time before he was satisfied that Luke had indeed just collapsed on the couch. Even still he didn't sleep well that night. He was too afraid of waking up and finding Luke gone for good._

**It's alright. Its' the weight of love**

"_Hello to you too," Noah said breathlessly as he held Luke close for a moment. "I missed you today."_

"You saw me this morning in our English class," Luke reminded him. "But I missed you too."

Noah smiled, and kissed him once more before slipping away. "Is White Grape juice okay to drink with dinner?" he asked even as he pulled the bottle out of the refrigerator.

"Perfect," Luke replied, already reaching for glasses from the cupboard. "Are we still having the pie Grandma made for desert?"

"Yes," Noah said as he checked on the steak. "We really should finish that up before we leave tomorrow.

"That smells good," Luke said breathing in the aroma as he pulled down their plates. Noah removed the meat from the oven and turned the burner on low so that the potatoes would reheat. Luke poured the drinks and Noah pulled Luke's chair out for him, and pushed it in when he sat down. Luke smiled as Noah placed the plates on the table and slipped into the seat beside him.

"You can be such a romantic," Luke said softly. "You know you don't have to pull my seat out for me."

"Are you complaining," Noah asked cocking an eyebrow as he prepared his napkin on his lap."

"No, it's just you're so good to me," Luke admitted softly, "And I just love this, us doing things together. Did I tell you I live for Thursdays?"

Noah smiled, taking a sip of his juice as he looked lovingly at Luke. "Someone was late this Thursday," he teased.

"I'm sorry about that. My test ran later then I thought…I left as soon as I could, and Randy stopped me as I headed to my car" Luke shrugged. "I didn't talk to him long though since I was trying to get home."

"What did he want?" Noah asked casually.

"He wanted to know if I could grab a bite to eat with him, but of course I said no" Luke said focusing on cutting his steak into portions.

Noah closed his eyes and sighed. He certainly wasn't going to let talk of Randy ruin the good mood he was in. He was secretly glad that Luke told the other man no…but it irritated him that Randy tried to throw Luke off his routine from time to time. Noah was grateful that Tuesdays Thursdays, and Fridays were as important to Luke as they were to him. That was why he tolerated Luke's friendship with the intern.

"How was your test," Noah asked breaking the silence that had fallen as they ate. "Do you think you passed?"

Luke nodded and took a sip of his own juice. "The essay questions were very thought provoking. I liked the last one especially; it was about the theory of relationships including the three-stage theory of marriage and other long-term committed relationships. I could do a whole dissertation on that topic."

"I just bet you could," Noah said proudly. "I Love that you are so talented and smart."

"Says the man who is just as talented, just as smart, and always my inspiration."

Luke reached his hand across the table and took a hold of Noah's twining their fingers together as they looked into each other's eyes. There were no words to express what they were feeling in that moment. Only one thing was for sure…there was definitely something special about Thursday

**Highs and Lows it's alright. It's the weight of love**

_"Look Daddy. Teacher says every time a bell rings, an angel gets his wings.__  
__"That's right, That's right, George Bailey hugged his daughter and looked up towards the sky. Attaboy, Clarence."__  
_

"_That never gets old," Luke said wistfully as the movie faded away. "I can watch it over and over and still feel like I'm watching it for the first time."___

_"That's funny coming from you," Noah said with a laugh. "You can't stand watching old movies."___

_"That's not true," Luke protested. He laughed when Noah gave him that "yeah right" look. Okay so I'm not a classic movie buff like you, but I have come to appreciate your taste for black and white films. I love Casablanca, and I can admit that Claude Rains is a brilliant actor just like you and Maddie seem to think. But seriously, Noah I love It's a Wonderful Life…we should watch it every year. It is single handedly the best Christmas movie of all time.___

_Noah laughed. "I love you," he said shaking his head. "I hope you know that"_

"_I know," Luke said his voice soft as he ducked his head. Noah had forgotten how much he missed Luke's shyness. Luke stood at that moment and it was right on the tip of Noah's tongue to ask him where he was going when he disappeared into the bedroom. He returned moments later carrying a wide thin package which he handed to Noah._

"_I love you too…dork. Merry Christmas."_

_Noah took the package, his eyes not leaving those of his husband. Luke was sitting across from him, waiting for him to un-wrap the gift. Noah was careful not to rip the wrapping paper as he pulled it away from the box. He wanted to keep every part of this, his gift from Luke on t heir first Christmas. "He didn't care how crazy that seemed; to him it was a treasure._

"_You made this?" Noah was awed as his fingers touched the wood of the frame. He looked up at Luke for a moment, and was delighted to see a smile on his lips. "Just the frame itself is beautiful Luke," he said looking back down to take a look at the picture. He remembered the scene instantly. He could recall every moment of this day, as he tried to set everyone up for the photo; Luke made the split second decision to include him. The timer was set, and Noah could still feel the warmth of Luke's hand as he pulled him behind the couch where they stood beside Holden. Luke was between them, and Noah couldn't help but marvel at how perfect the shot was; Luke standing between the two men who loved him most. That just seemed fitting somehow._

"_Read the inscription," Luke's voice met his ears and he looked up once more. He didn't think he could have been more proud of this gift…and it was engraved too?_

_He looked down at the smooth frame, feeling it with his fingers until he found the engraved words. "Home is where the heart is," he read, tears springing to his eyes as he smiled, "And my heart belongs to you. Welcome home." His eyes were shining as he looked up to face his husband._

"_Same here," he said holding his hand out for Luke to take if he so pleased. This time Luke welcomed the small connection and he moved closer to Noah so they both could admire the picture._

Henry hadn't been wrong when he said they had gone through a lot. In just the year they had known each other they had gone through more than some people go through in a lifetime. The good times were very, very good, and the bad times were terrible but somehow, someway they managed to survive them. Thinking about all of it made Noah smile. He wanted to wake Luke up, to tell him the good news, but at the same time he wanted to lay there and just think about it all. It was an interesting thing, to see his old memories merging with the new ones. He almost felt like he had been living two lives, and Luke had been an important part of both of them.

Their courtship could only be described as ambiguous. He knew he hadn't made things easy for Luke; he had been caught in the middle of a sticky situation. It was a mess Noah readily admitted to causing and he was grateful that somehow all three parties came out of it with minimal bumps and scrapes.

Things weren't necessarily smooth once they got together. It was a long bumpy road and it was a learning experience. For a time it seemed every sweet moment was followed by a sour one. They became a couple, and he had to deal with Randy's presence in their lives. They moved in together, and his father walked back into his orbit, causing his own brand of trouble. Somehow they survived that and they managed to live in relative peace until the lovely storm of chaos that seemed never ending.

Everything went downhill after their vacation. Grandma Lucinda was sick, and then Luke was sick as well. Randy took advantage of Luke, in ways that Noah still to this day wanted to kill for, and then there was the three week estrangement. He hoped they never went through something like that again, and he was positive that they wouldn't. Their time apart had taught them a valuable lesson…they were indeed stronger when they were a team;

They survived infidelity accusations, sexual assault, a car crash, two comas and a bout with amnesia. Kidney transplants, a trial and an HIV scare, plus the fear of losing someone near and dear to them. A lot had happened in a year's time, but Noah didn't think he would change any of it…even the bad things. For every trial and tribulation, they faced they came out on the other side stronger than ever.

He held Luke close and kissed the top of his head. Soon it would be time for them to get on a plane heading out of the country. At some point they would have to come back here and face the problems they were fleeing, but for now nothing mattered but Luke and this moment. There would be highs and there would definitely be lows ahead, but Noah was certain that they would be alright. That after all was the weight of love.


End file.
